#if i ever find it in the future its OVER for you bitches!!! /lh

[vocaloid-tunes]

From a Miniature Garden Where the Dragon Howls ~Orchestral Arrange~ | Shin-P feat. Kamui Gakupo // Original | YowaneP feat. Hatsune Miku

[cheban-png]

People dont act like people anymore

First time doin this on my puter woah, lawl. Anyways, not so fun topic that i want to put into the world but have no one to share it with--so why not on my shiny new and very public Tumblr acc?

Hi im Chebe, and i was a bit of a hermit for a couple years. Maybe it was the npd, or the adhd, or the pandemic, or the bullying, or something else but I was REALLY against the idea of making any friends for a couple years and became pretty isolated. I got to the point where i was only talking to like 3 people max that werent family for extended periods of time. fFr the last year however, ive been working, and thats really pulled me out of my shell. I made a new years resolution that id put myself out there and meet people again--and as i learn to make friends again, im remembering some of the reasons i was so opposed to it in the first place.

(This next part is situations that happened to me and extremely close friends, but for simplicity and privacy ill speak as if all the stories are my own.) One of my biggest things is that something weird and fucked up happened the second 2019 ended and everyone became absolutely insufferable. I cant even describe it but everyone around me both in school at the time and online became like. hyper sensitive but also evil at the same time. I have never seen a human so disgustingly manipulative while sugar coating their language with over/misused tone tags and faux medical speak at the same time. WHERE DID YOU PPL LEARN TO ACT LIKE THIS LMAOO. how you abliest and an ally at the same time dog. whatever thats not what this is about, that was one tiny vague example ^_^

Anyways the actual biggest thing is probably oversharing. no one gets to know each other anymore and it creates rlly weird unnatural relationships that humans arent supposed to experience. in my bios, i try to only share things you know by a first, in person interation with me. Im biracial (black/white), im trans (strictly he/him), im fat and you may call me Chebe or Angel. i even feel weird saying i have npd/adhd. im sharing because its relevent. man this is getting too long,,

an extremely common thing that happens to me is ppl STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET will send me these chunky paragraphs that follow the same format; "You/your art/your fashion inspires me so much, how do i copy this exactly?". Everythiung that makes me ME was developed over the course of my entire life??? what do you mean??? just the other day i got, "Whats ur style called??! i cant seem to find anything that 'perfectly' fits the way you are." and that was fucking horrifying. This was a stranger ive never ever seen the face/name/voice of. like can you guys even wrap your head around what an insane and invasive thing to say that is? i get shit like that ALL the time.

Dude i. im people. im human. I have lived a life and i am built up of microscopic fragments of all my experiences. im not a pinterest board or an influencer selling the ~aesthetic~ that is my life. Im a real human being and i am the way that i am because??? THATS JUST HOW I AM NATURAL:LY!!!!! i am like this becuase i LIKE being this way!!!!

and dont be ignorant, im scemo and find inspiration everywhere i go just like everyone else, but it is so deranged to dm a stranger and go "you are so amazing.... how do i clone everything that makes you unique and human"

this is NOT about gatekeeping or whatyeverthafuck i need you people to realize im SCARED and these are tiny instances in my life that make me worry about my future because some of you bitches are DOPPLEGANGERS (/silly /lh)