#if i write something in italian the story would be at least 20k words

[colachampagne3]

Should I participate at the orufrey week with an English fic? I'm not very fond of my English stories tbh, they look kind of incomplete to me and I should change my writing style to write in English, but maybe publishing something in English gives more the fanweek vibe.... so I'm thinking

[some-stars]

For the ask game: 8, 18, 30

8.  Do you listen to music while you write? If so, share a song that’s been inspiring you lately.

I can’t listen to anything while I write unless it’s this stuff (or possibly this stuff). Can’t do anything with words or complex rhythms, bc then I’ll just focus on that and not on writing. I do maintain a character/fandom playlist that I listen to before writing sometimes, which is here. “Orpheus” pumped me up for a lot of the kidfic sequel, and “Stray Italian Greyhound” reliably gives me Yennskier feels. I have a lot of other songs on there for various characters and relationships but none that are connected to specific fics.

18.  What is a line/scene you’re really proud of? Give us the DVD commentary for that scene.

oh boy, this is gonna take some thinking. hmm. I’m gonna keep it in Witcher fandom, since that is what my followers care about, so: the part in “some good mistakes” where Geralt takes Jaskier up on his offer to go to the coast, and then goes and sleeps with Yennefer, and feels for a brief moment feels like he’s got this polyamory thing figured OUT, he can HAVE this, he can be HAPPY and make them both happy--and of course it shatters almost instantly. But I love that scene--

"Do what pleases you," Jaskier says. "While you can." It sounds like a verse.

"Writing your next song?"

"Just trying to work out what pleases me," he replies. There's a different tone underneath the words. When Geralt turns to look at him, he's looking away toward the valley, his face sad but otherwise enigmatic. He feels distant, and Geralt feels a pang of alarm.

He finds himself speaking. "Maybe...maybe after all this is done, we can go to the coast."

He doesn't know why he says it. He's not sure if he means it. But it would be nice--to go somewhere purely for the pleasure of it, to follow Jaskier for once instead of the other way around. To take a break from death, and killing, and failure. He's not sure if he ever has before.

"Really?" Jaskier looks taken aback, but delighted. It makes up Geralt's mind for him.

"Yeah. It's not a bad idea."

"Of course it's not a bad idea. It's a great idea."

"I wouldn't go that far," Geralt says, but when Jaskier's hand squeezes his, he doesn't protest.

When he goes to Yennefer's tent that night, he feels hopeful. He wakes up next to her and thinks maybe he can have this. Have everything, for once.

Geralt is trying so hard and also fucking up so bad (I mean, it is the title of the story). He won’t admit that he loves Jaskier because he’s afraid of what that would mean, afraid of losing him, afraid of asking too much, afraid of not giving enough. He can just barely admit that he loves Yennefer because she’s not nearly such a foundational part of his life. And he tells himself, if I can give them both what they want--give myself to Yennefer when she’s here, give myself to Jaskier when she’s not--maybe I can keep them both, without having to face anything or change anything in possibly dangerous ways. But when he’s hit with the sudden pain of Yennefer rejecting him--after he showed her so much during their pillow talk--he shuts down and can’t allow the possibility of Jaskier hurting him the same way, or even far worse, so he shoves him away, in a way/at a time that he doesn’t realize will be particularly cruel to Jaskier considering he already sees his position in Geralt’s affections as inferior to Yennefer’s. (Geralt, of course, has no idea about that.)

30.  Tell us an idea for a longfic you want to write in the future.

I don’t want to write longfic--like, much over 20k--I just can’t sustain something that long, at least so far. And I honestly rarely get ideas that would benefit from being stretched out over 40-50k, because I’m absolutely terrible at plot. I have an idea for a somewhat longer fic--the pre-series Geralt/OMC tragic romance that I ramble about fairly often--but it would basically be a collection of medium vignettes spanning a decade, tracing the growth of their relationship and then its end when the OMC dies tragically. So I can’t really answer this bc I have no longfic ideas, just....longer-than-I’d-like ideas.