#if someone gets butt hurt over a random tier ranking then that's their problem

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

I did a TWDG character tier list because it’s been a while

Back in July 2019, I posted a tier list ranking TWDG characters from all four seasons with explanations for why I placed each character where I did. It’s now 2023, and I’ve mostly stepped away from TWDG and the fandom. I pop in occasionally to answer asks or give updates about the Clementine comics. Sometimes I get the itch to do an analysis post. Or something like this.

Distancing myself and then revisiting the series has changed a lot of my opinions of these characters and my ranking is quite different, so I thought it’d be interesting to discuss.

Just a note about how I’m ranking this: This ranking is solely based on my feelings about the characters. Last time I ranked some characters higher than I wanted to because I acknowledged their good writing and popularity. I’m not doing that this time. Well-written/popular or not, if I don’t like them, they’re ranking low. If I like them, then that’s the only reason I need to rank them high. That’s probably going to cause disagreements and that’s fine. Agree to disagree, y’know?

Each character is limited to a 3-4 sentence explanation. I can’t write a heavy analysis for every character, otherwise we’ll be here forever.

Also, I didn’t include characters from the Michonne mini-series since they weren’t included in my original and the mini-series is separate from the main series. All you really need to know is Michonne and Pete would’ve made A-tier.  

Starting from F-tier and working our way up to S-tier:

F-tier

Troy Surprise, Troy’s my least favorite character in the entire series. He’s an asshole and I find nothing compelling about him other than his death scene. He’s insignificant, I hate him, and he can suck an egg.

Vernon Vernon has some sympathetic qualities to his character but as far as characters in S1 go, I can’t say he’s all that great. Sure, he patched Omid up but that doesn’t mean he gets to fuck us over in the end. Screw him, y’know?

The Stranger I feel like I like the idea around The Stranger more than the Stranger himself. I get it, he’s supposed to be just some dude and it’s a neat reveal that he’s the guy we stole food from, but I liked him better when he was just a voice over a walkie. He’s just kinda here to guilt you over your choices no matter what you did and use it as an excuse for kidnapping Clementine, but I need a little bit more from my antagonists.

Joan Joan has one of the coolest villain moments in TWDG when she asks you who you want to save, then orders who you picked to be executed, and honestly? I respect that. It just sucks that Joan as a character is boring as sin. I can’t forgive boring antagonists, she sucks.

Larry Not going to lie—Larry is the biggest asshole and I kinda live for it. I still absolutely hate him, but I can respect him as a character for being such a piece of shit. He has some depth to him when you bother to try out different choices, and his death is so ingrained in my brain, but he’s in F-tier for a reason. I hate him, but he’s a damn good antagonist within the group.

Abel I think Abel is a great antagonist and he’s well-written, but I also think he’s garbage and I hate him. They really captured how crusty, creepy, and cruel he can be while also giving him a moment of vulnerability when he realizes he’s dying.

D-tier

Kenny Yes, I’m ranking Kenny this low. He’s one of my least favorite characters in all of TWDG, but at least he’s an interesting character study despite just being such a piece of shit. I’m sorry, I know he’s a fan favorite and he’s a broken man with a sad backstory, I understand that he’s a complex and well-written character. But I can’t stand him; he’s manipulative, violent, possessive, you can’t disagree with him without him throwing a tantrum, and I just don’t like him.

Andy, Danny, Brenda I’m clumping these three together because I might as well, my opinion of them individually doesn’t differ much. These guys are cannibals who lead people to their farm to butcher, eat, and trade the meat with bandits. They fed Mark’s leg meat to the group like…. It’s so fucked. They’re great antagonists, the best in S1 for sure, but fuck these guys.

Walter I’m kinda meh on Walter. He’s where he is on this tier list not because I hate him or anything, he’s mostly just here to guilt Nick and then be executed by Carver, and eh.

Arvo I don’t like Arvo. I don’t think that’s an unpopular opinion. I feel bad about everything he went through and Kenny was absolutely in the wrong for abusing him the way he did, but I can’t say Arvo himself is compelling. I think that’s a common theme with me—boring is usually worse than bad, and Arvo isn’t all that interesting. Then he shoots Clementine and we never hear from him again sooo…. Cool.

Omar Oh no, poor Omar ranking so low. But again, for me boring is worse than bad, and Omar is boring. I’m sorry, I know that’s wild coming from me given my past with TFS but it’s true. Omar is a character who exists, he cooks, he gets shot, he survives, and that’s about it.

Mark The only cool thing about Mark is how he died. But as an actual character? Meh.

Sarita Sarita is barely her own character. She exists to serve Kenny’s character development, and I hate that for her. She’s nice, and unfortunately that’s it.

Willy Willy is okay. He definitely has the most depth in this tier, save Kenny. But he’s still a minor character who I can’t justify putting any higher when I don’t love him.

Mari Oh, poor Mari. She’s sweet, but her death is more impactful than her actual character.

C-tier

Carver Carver’s a pretty good antagonist. I like him well enough. He’s a piece of shit, he’s intimidating, and he’s dangerous. Not the best, not the worst antagonist.

Carlos Carlos is hilarious, which I don’t think was the intention behind his character but if not, then they shouldn’t have made him so funny. I’m not saying funny as in “haha,” I’m saying it in a “you are an incompetent man, why are you doing this” way.

Duck I feel kinda bad for putting Duck so low, but he has the same problems as Sarita and Mari, though he does have a bit more personality going for him. His character serves Kenny’s character development, and his death is more impactful than he actually is.

Bonnie Bonnie’s fine. I liked her more in 400 Days. In S2, she’s just kinda meh.

Rebecca I like Rebecca well enough. Her going from being a complete asshole to wanting to be friends with Clementine between episodes kind of gives me whiplash but I can’t help but sympathize with her. She’s a pregnant woman in the zombie apocalypse who lost her husband because Carver’s a piece of shit and then she dies shortly after giving birth... it’s sad.  

Shel and Becca I like Shel and Becca a lot more than I did before. Their situation in 400 Days is rough, and I feel a lot for Shel wanting to give Becca a good life despite the state of the world. Becca’s also just a kid who tries to act tough and like she has a thick skin but c’mon, she’s still just a kid. 

Mike Mike was super chill until he betrayed us at the end. I would’ve ranked him higher but frankly, I’m still a bit bitter about him wanting to run off with Bonnie and Arvo, completely fine with taking all the food and resources so that Clementine and baby AJ starve. We were bros, Mike, then you had to go a do that. 

Brody Once again: Her death is more memorable than her character. But, in this case, I will say Brody stands out given the fact that she’s lying to everyone about the twins and dealing with the guilt gnawing at her in ep1. I find her interesting within the context of “who is telling the truth? what really happened?” because unfortunately, both she and Marlon end up dead so we’ll never know the full story from either perspective. 

Mitch Oh, my boy, there was a time where you ranked waaaay higher, but I can’t do it. Mitch is a good character and serves his purpose, and his death is still pretty bullshit. I still like him, just not nearly as much as I used to. 

Eleanor I’m still pissy about Eleanor snitching on us to Joan which results in either Ava or Tripp being executed, and then having the balls to yell at us about it. But prior to that, Eleanor’s a character with great medical knowledge and skills who wanted to help people. She just ends up being a victim to ANF’s less than stellar writing. 

Kate I still have a lot of issues with Kate, like I still hate the romance between her and Javi and how bitter she becomes after being rejected, but I don’t hate her. She’s a flawed character but I understand her perspective on things when it comes to David and Richmond. She’s also resourceful and charming at times, I like her well enough. 

Violet Yeeeeeah, remember how I said this is 100% my biased opinion on all of these characters? Violet is a mid C-tier character for me, she’s just okay. I don’t hate Violet, I don’t love her. She has some really endearing moments just as she has infuriating ones. I talked a bunch about her in my revisiting TFS post, if you want a full explanation on my feelings about her, then you can read that. 

Chuck I like Chuck, he’s chill. I appreciate the reality check he gave Lee about Clementine and their plan, and I’m sad that he died. Not much else to say. 

Vince I really like Vince. I talked a lot more about his character in my 400 Days post, so to summarize, he’s another interesting protagonist in that dlc and I liked his story a lot. 

Molly Might be an unpopular opinion to put Molly this low, but even though I like her, I can’t justify putting her higher. Molly’s story is heartbreaking though, and incredibly traumatic when you sit with it... like, she traded sex for medicine so her sister wouldn’t be thrown out, and given that we don’t meet her sister and dipshit doctor said he couldn’t keep helping her out... yeah. Molly brings a lot of charm and humor while she’s around but she’s also just so sad, y’know?

Jesus Jesus is cool. I don’t really have much else to say about him other than that. 

Christa I feel like a lot of these C-tier characters can be summed up with, “I like them, they’re cool... yeah.” because that’s how I feel about Christa. She shines more as a character when paired with Omid, and like with Rebecca, I really feel for her as a pregnant woman in the apocalypse who then lost both Omid and their baby and had to remain strong to care for Clementine... even though her resentment and bitterness are clearly present. 

Conrad My boy Conrad... I still really like him, though my love has definitely toned down. I enjoy his story and still stand by keeping him alive to the end, even though he makes it difficult sometimes. He’s hurting and that makes him stupid, and if you keep him alive long enough, he genuinely apologizes then tries to be better and I respect that. 

Ben Ben didn’t quite make it to B-tier, but know that he was close. Ben is such a screw up and he does so much damage, but I can’t bring myself to hate him. Most of us don’t wanna admit that if the apocalypse actually happened, we wouldn’t be a Lee or a Clementine, we’d be a Ben. 

B-tier

Aasim Aasim is definitely one of my favorite side characters in TFS and I’m always going to be bitter that he wasn’t used to his full potential. He’s the perfect middle ground between Louis and Violet, I love that he keeps a journal to record everything that happens, and that he’s the only one willing to push back at Marlon. Aasim’s great. 

Ruby I adore Ruby, she’s great. She’s small and fiery yet she’s the group nurse and takes pride in patching people up. Again, one of my favorite side characters in TFS. 

Alvin I have a lot of feelings about Alvin. Most are sad. This man loves his wife and their baby. I love the exchange between him and Clementine where she tells him he’s nice, she can tell, and Alvin’s just like, “I ain’t nice!” and Clementine goes, “...Yes, you are.” with a smile, it’s great. He didn’t deserve his fate, I’m still hurt by it. 

Nick Speaking of not deserving their fate: Nick. I like Nick a lot and will never be over his off screen death and how no one really cared. 

Eddie and Wyatt Lumping these two together since I couldn’t decide who I liked more. The two are amazing, their story in 400 Days is so damn enjoyable, and the chemistry between them is off the charts. Both interesting characters with great personalities. 

Katjaa I’ll never not be sad about Katjaa. Woman deserved the world and yet that’s what she got. She’s so interesting given her career as a vet which made her the group doctor, the fact that she married Kenny, and how she straight up tells you that she has her limits and she would’ve left Lilly behind if it was her choice. 

Doug Doug’s pretty great, but there just wasn’t enough time devoted to him in S1, especially if you don’t save him in ep1. When you do save him, though, he’s one of the more enjoyable characters to be around and I appreciate the efforts he makes to help the group despite his talents lying else where. 

Luke Luke is great for two episodes, then his character slowly went down the shitter. He had the makings to be great, to be an A-tier character, no questions asked... but honestly, putting him in B due to my personal feelings is being generous. When you’re only great for 2/5 episodes, then maybe you’re not an overall great character, hmm? But I’m biased and I like him. 

Minerva Okay look, I love Minerva as a tragic antagonist. I take back every mean thing I’ve ever said about her. 

Tripp Man, I love Tripp. He’s my bro, y’know?  

Gabe Gabe is a brat and I love him. I understand the criticism, but I also understand a lot of that criticism is rooted in “any child character who isn’t exactly like Clementine is deemed annoying.” He's one of the better parts of ANF in my opinion. 

Tenn I’ve done a lot of thinking about Tenn since I wrote my retrospective on TFS and like... Tenn is a great character. He’s interesting to have within the story of TFS, and I know, it’s so easy to just hate him because he keeps making the same mistakes. It’s when you look at the full picture that you understand why he keeps doing it and it’s just... sad. He always dies in my playthroughs, it’s heartbreaking. 

Sarah Sarah should get a shirt that says “I was wasted potential in S2 and all I got was this lousy shirt.” Because yeah, the set up for Sarah is executed so damn well, then the game fumbled, and then she was killed off. My girl deserved better than that. 

Carley I adore Carley. That’s my girl, I love her. Just.... I love her. Not much else to say. 

Ava Ava is so fucking cool, why is it that ANF killed her off in the most comical way possible when she survives execution? How could you do that to one of the most badass characters in TWDG? She fucking knocked TRIPP on his ass. I love her so much. 

Marlon Marlon is the perfect antagonist for ep1 of TFS. I have an entire character analysis about him, and again, I covered his character again in my retrospective of the game. 

Lilly Yeah, yeah, laugh it up-- I love Lilly, she’s an asshole and she’s great in both S1 and TFS. She’s a woman under so much damn pressure in S1 due to looking after her abusive father as he’s all the family she has left, she’s leading the group which Kenny continually gives her hell for, and she just wants to survive. Then she comes back in TFS as a great antagonist and we see just how far she’s fallen due to everything that’s happened to her. I talked more in-depth about her in my TFS retrospective post so if you want more details, you can go there. 

David Okay listen, this is my tier list and I say David is on the verge of being A tier for being such an interesting bitch. David is such a bitch, a real bastard, I could punch him in his damn nose, but damn it, he’s fascinating and I won’t apologize for being invested in the Garcia brother dynamic. I hate him but also I think he’s great. 

A-tier

Pete I feel like Pete being this high is just purely my bias showing. He has no business being this high and above so many other characters, but I don’t care. I love this man. He’s only in two episodes [assuming you ran to him instead of Nick] and he’s still one of my favorite characters in S2. 

Russell Russell is my favorite protagonist in 400 Days and I will be forever salty that he wasn’t more important in S2. 

James I could talk and talk about James until I’m blue in the face. I adore James, he’s such a compelling and often misunderstood character. 

Omid I mean, c’mon.... who here doesn’t think Omid is an A-tier character? He’s just so charismatic and charming, it’s hard to dislike him even a little. All these years later, and I’m still hurt that he died the way he did. 

Jane Yeah that’s right, Jane ranks this high. Jane is a fucking great character and I’m tired of pretending she’s not. I want to give you an in-depth analysis that elaborates on that, but unfortunately, I’ve limited myself on this post. That’s what asks are for, I suppose. 

Javier Javier Garcia is the best thing about ANF. Listen, ANF is the worst installment in the series, I feel like I can confidently say that, but Javi makes it all worth it. That, and his dynamics with Gabe and David, and Clementine, too. I love this man. 

AJ I debated on if I should put AJ here or S-tier, but ultimately, S-tier is for my absolutely favorites. While I love AJ and his development over TFS, he just barely misses the mark. But I think his spot here is well-deserved, love that little goofball. 

S-tier

Rosie Rosie is best girl. That’s it. She’s best girl. 

Lee It’s been how many years and I’m still not over Lee. He deserved the world. I love him so much. 

Clementine What’s there to even say about Clementine throughout all four seasons? She’s S-tier. She’s incredibly well written throughout the series, her growth is amazing, and her ending in TFS is definitely deserved. I love her so much. 

Louis Coming as a shock to literally no one, Louis is my favorite character in all of TWDG and he deserves the top spot in the top tier. What can I possibly say? I have written countless posts about how much I love him. He’s my favorite and I fucking love him. 

And for a fun comparison, my 2019 tier list:

[3one3]

The Sequel - 782

NYE in LDN

André Schürrle, Juan Mata, other Chelsea players, and random awesome OC’s

(okay they’re less random now but they’re still pretty awesome)

original epic tale

all chapters of The Sequel

Christina’s New Year’s kiss left so much burgundy lipstick on André’s face that he actually had to go to the bathroom to wipe it off. Her makeup was usually pretty secure. Her kiss was just overzealous, sloppy, and aggressive, at least in part as a consequence of the amount of champagne and other swill consumed during the dinner party high up in the Heron Tower. The group of about 12 couples enjoyed a fabulous tasting menu, good swing tunes, and then a wonderful view of the fireworks. The moments after the fireworks finale and raucous celebrations provided a natural sort of recovery period for everyone after all the buildup to midnight. André wasn’t the only one in the bathroom, all the Hazards took a fieldtrip to the restaurant’s bar area to check out the DJ who took over from the electro-swing band in the other room, and a couple of people were getting in their drunken selfies by the windows in the private corner of the dining room. Christina and Juan were among the only partygoers left at the tables. The rider was looking at friends’ photos on her phone from places where the New Year began earlier than in London. The footballer slid all the way around the semicircle booth to sit next to her, since she was on an end.

“No dancing?” he asked her once close enough to rub elbows. They dined at the same table, so they had plenty of time to converse over the course of the night. Taylor was there too, just not in that moment.

“I hurt my thigh again.” Christina daringly lifted her right leg up in the air next to the table. Her navy blue asymmetrical tiered fringe shift dress was minutely proportioned. It barely concealed the necessary parts of her chest and barely covered her butt, and to stick her leg up that way was to definitely show off her underwear. Fortunately there weren’t many people around to see the reflection of said underwear in the wall of windows opposite her.

“Not too much to do that, apparently.” Juan pointed at her stiletto sandal in the air just as she went to put it back on the floor.

“This time I hurt whatever the muscle is right above my knee, kind of the inside.” She pointed at the muscle in question, and pinched at it a little. “It kind of just hurts constantly and only gets worse if I squat or do stairs. I could probably dance but I don’t want to make it worse.” Her heavily contoured nose wrinkled up in disappointment and she put her phone down to lift her faux fur stole from where it had sunk down behind her. Getting dressed for the Prohibition Era theme was really her highlight of the event. In addition to her flapper dress and the stole, she painstakingly crafted finger waves in her hair around her face, sported a headband with a tall feather, and gave herself a particularly plump in the middle and tapered at the corners pout. A whole mess of beads, triple-wrapped around her neck, hung between the spaghetti straps of her dress just in case enough attention wouldn’t be focused on her cleavage, and she rounded out the accessorizing with the cigarette holder used primarily for photos. “Where’s Tay Tay?”

“One of her girlfriends is having a guy problem and requires a therapy session on the phone.” Her friend thumbed behind him somewhere but she didn’t look to see where. “Are you wearing a new perfume?”

“Yeah. Christmas present. Like it?” Christina offered her wrist for him to sniff and smiled when he smelled her and made an analytical face like a pretentious wine taster.

“Not bad.”

“Are you tired? I’m so tired. I don’t think I’m good at partying anymore.”

“As you would say, I literally cannot wait to go home and go to bed,” he chuckled.

“Schü is all full of energy tonight, and laughing at everything, and talking a mile a minute, and I’m like...getting dressed for this sapped at least half of my energy for the night. It’s so not fair that he has all this time off. He works out a little every morning and then has nothing to do all day but play with Lukas and take naps.”

“You working a lot? Getting ready to compete again?”

“Stef is back and Nat’s kids are off school and have more time for lessons so I’ve done like 12 lessons in the last two days, and riding all of mine. I have three World Cup qualifiers back to back towards the end of the month so I need them all ready to go,” the flapper girl explained without much readable inflection. Juan’s slightly narrowed eyes reflected his uncertainty about how she felt about the work and the horse showing.

“Are you looking forward to that or not so much?”

His ex, the #1 ranked jumper in the world for at least a couple of days more, actually had to think about her answer, and that alone made her feel unhappy. She played with some of the fringe on her dress by her waist, and looked down at it. If she were going to be entirely truthful, she would have had to say that she wasn’t looking forward to qualifiers at Leipzig, Zurich, and Bordeaux. But she knew she had to fix her attitude and try to be positive. She had to at least pretend to want to go to those places and bank some points, get good performances from her horses, and find a way to enjoy the process. Each time she rode on Thursday, Friday, and earlier Saturday, ever since her big heart to heart with André, she tried to think about what she was doing on the micro level. She tried to think about each workout on its own, and then each phase of it separately, and each moment of each phase as only what it literally was- a moment of bum in saddle and hands on reins. Cutting out all the consequences and implications of her work was the only way she could think of to get back to simply enjoying doing the work. Even the minutes had to be broken down into the feeling of the horse moving beneath her, his reactions to what she asked for, and the success or failure of their communications. By Saturday afternoon it felt good again to simply ride- to do lead changes, to practice the counter canter, to school turns and gymnastics, to trot for huge periods of time outside up and down the hill for stamina and muscle maintenance.

Christina was still working on how to translate taking pleasure from riding into hunger and then preparedness for competition. And it disappointed her a lot that she needed to work on that. Her whole life was about that for a while, and she used to be proud of her drive. She felt weakened while she tried to re-summon it, and in an unfamiliar way. Plenty of actual weaknesses plagued her career and never made her feel the same. Spraining her wrist never made her feel weakened as a competitor. Her never-ending ankle ailments hardly felt like a serious handicap. The back problems, the knee issue, being out of shape from pregnancy- none of those things ever affected how prepared she felt to go out and do her best, or certainty that her best was enough to win. It was very unfamiliar to Germany’s brightest star to look ahead and feel something was going to hold her back. It was even stranger to have to figure out how to explain that to someone.

“I’ll take that as a “no”,” the someone who was asking for the explanation supplied for her.

“I’m not not looking forward to it. I’m not dreading it or anything. I’m just...nothing about it,” Christina shrugged before looking up again and making eye contact. She couldn’t help but let it show that she wished things were different. She knew her eyes were saying “please help”, even if she wasn’t consciously asking for Juan’s assistance. It just happened anyway.

“These times are tough on you, I know, but I think you’re doing a good job, cariña,” he told her. “I think you’re doing your best to make things better for yourself, and that is really difficult, I know. It’s so much better than what you’ve done before though. It’s better than just letting things happen to you.”

“Yeah. I’m trying. It’s just confusing and weird to have so many things be so wrong at one time. I don’t know if what I do to fix one thing is actually making another worse, and...well, I don’t even want to get into it, but, I dunno.” She shrugged again and reached for her second glass of champagne to finish the two sips left.

“I think you’re going to really enjoy going to Spain to see the kids,” Juan smiled.

“That is something I am definitely looking forward to. Are we spending the night, or no? I have to give Espen some notice.”

“I can’t. I only have time to make it a day trip. You should spend Wednesday night with me though. Our flight is 8 in the morning and I do not trust you to get yourself to the airport that early.” The footballer scratched as his furry chin and moved her napkin out of the way on the table as she moved to put her glass back down.

“Chyea you just want me to sleepover because I haven’t in a while.”

“Not nearly as much as I wish you were sleeping over with me tonight.”

“What happened to “I literally cannot wait to go home and go to bed”? Ehh?”

“I could stay up a few hours for you, cariña. For that dress.”

“Oh shut up,” Christina scoffed. There is a difference between thirsty-flirty Juan and cheesy-flirty Juan, and only the first one is worth indulging, and that is not this one, she reasoned.

“I’ve been rooting for your right breast to fall out every time I see you laugh hysterically at Eden,” her friend insisted.

“Just the right one?”

“It’s bigger. Harder to keep it under control.”

“Well I have news for you. There is tape in here to prevent that from happening.” The rider pointed into her cleavage and wiggled about to demonstrate that nothing was falling out. For one quick second, something terrible occurred to her as a possibility. I really shouldn’t do this! The tape is attached to the stick-on bra thingy, and the stick-on bra thingy could let go of my boob at any second and then there would be boob coming out of the side of the dress but also fake boob still in the dress, and it would be like I have three. “Do you not even feel a little bit bad that you sat next to your girlfriend all night thinking about my boobs, or boob?”

“No. I didn’t spend all night thinking about it. I spent some of it thinking about Adriana’s,” the Spaniard explained, deadpan.

“What do you have against the many Hazard women?”

“Nothing. None of them are wearing low cut dresses.”

“I see. Do you know what time it is?”

Juan checked his watch and reported that it was a little after 1. Christina really was tired. She had a full day of work before a marathon hair and makeup session, and there was a pre-party gathering at Eden’s house before the lengthy dinner and celebrations. Having fun was exhausting. What is taking Schü so long? I have to start winding him down from go-crazy-with-his-boys mode so we can go home soon, she thought, covering up a yawn with her napkin. I wonder if he detoured to the bar? I could take Juanin with me to go find out, she considered, glancing to her left at the Chelsea man who was doing something with one of his two phones. I think he’s bored too. When should I tell him I’m officially allowed to do whatever I want with him now? I should probably wait until I actually want to do something, otherwise he’s going to harass me about it all the time. The rider thought forward to the Three Kings Day trip to Oviedo to deliver the toys and pondered whether that would be the occasion when she “felt like doing something”. She didn’t want to think about André’s permission like something she couldn’t wait to take advantage of, or something she wanted to plan an occasion to use. It wasn’t supposed to be like that. It did make her feel kind of powerful though, knowing that someday things would get intense between her and her friend and he would assume he was in for more teasing and ultimately disappointment, but she would get to surprise him. Maybe. I haven’t even decided if I want to do that or not, Christina reminded herself as she reflected on that sense of power. I haven’t decided if that’s good for me or good for us, she added, meaning she and André. This time I’m not going to worry about whether or not it’s good for Juan. He’s made it clear he knows what he’s doing, so...

“Bought a cocktail for my Prinzessin,” a slightly tipsy German footballer announced as he appeared in her periphery. He had a Collins glass with ice and clear, carbonated liquid, and two lime wedges. He pulled out the chair next to her spot and relocated his wallet from his back pocket into the medium blue suit coat hanging on the back of it before sitting down.

“What is it?” His wife picked up the drink to sniff it.

“Pellegrino, rocks. Lime twist.” André winked and reached over under the table to rest his hand on her thigh.

“Thankssss.” Christina smiled back sweetly, appreciative of his thoughtfulness and endeavor in preventing a hangover. They had a driver to take them home so he didn’t get her some water just to sober her up to drive or anything. It was to help with hydration.      

“Would you like to hang out with everyone at the bar or- Oh! Almost forgot. Taylor said to tell you she’ll be at the bar,” he interrupted himself to tell Juan, who then thanked him too and excused himself to go find his girlfriend. “As I was saying,” André continued once he’d inched his chair over enough to put his arm around his girl’s waist. “Would you like to go hang out with everybody else in the bar, or would you like to get ready to go home, or would you like to sit here alone with me and think about how good this year is going to be for us?”

“I would like to do a little of all three. Can we sit here for a few minutes while I drink this, and then go say bye to everyone over there, and go home? I can survive if you’re not ready to go yet but I’m pretty over New Year’s at this point.”

“Sounds good to me.” He smiled down at the glamorous girl beside him and blew on her feather. It was a very good night for him. He thought he had the hottest date in the room, and socializing with his Chelsea friends as just friends, instead of friends and teammates, was somehow more enjoyable. There was no subtle worrying that his words and interactions had dressing room consequences, and he brought no dressing room context with him into his conversations. Christina was really the best part of the night though. He felt she had a habit of sucking up all the air in a group allotted to them as a couple. She commanded more attention than he did a lot of the time. But it wasn’t like that anymore. She sat next to Natasha and the two of them talked to one another a lot, or took their turns in the table-wide conversations and joking around. She talked to Juan a little but there was no veiled flirting across the table, or making of uncomfortable conversation with Taylor.

Most importantly, she talked to him a lot. They had plenty of their own side chats, about the food, about the others, about small New Year’s inspired thoughts for the future. For once André felt about a night out with Christina the way he always assumed her nights out as Juan’s date went. He got the best of her twice in three days. He got to take her out for that dinner, and see her all dressed up just for him, and with him at the table, and he got all of her attention, all of her smiles and laughs, and to hear all the things on her mind, from how Kimi was that day to what an inability of so many people to think critically was doing to the world. Then he got to be the one with her when she put on her character for a big event, and he got the credit for being attached to the impressive character. His long-standing insecurity and jealousy about Juan usually being the guy who got credit for bringing the beautiful and witty, intelligent girl to the party was beaten down a great deal. Plus, his wife was fun with him specifically, not just fun for the whole table. He could have gone for another round with his boys at the bar, but he thought Christina deserved to get to go home. She was entitled to be spent, and had done a great job of concealing it all night.

“Watch out for your feather, pretty girl. You’re going to ruin it,” André advised when they got in the backseat of the car to go home. She leaned against the window as soon as she was done sliding over.

“Does it tickle your face if I lean on you instead?” she asked, tipping over in the other direction to borrow his shoulder. The burgundy feather on the side of her head was just short enough not to reach his cheek.

“No. You’re good. But can you put the fur thing between your face and my sleeve? I don’t want makeup stains. This is my favorite suit right now.”

Christina fixed herself a fur pillow and fell asleep before they were even out of central London. She was sleeping better in recent days, despite the quantity of sleep being less than she wanted. The partition she learned over months of separate living arrangements dissolved some. It had translated into a sort of barrier of discomfort. For the first few days André was home, and indeed during most of the time they spent together in Dortmund before that, the rider felt like a sovereign entity in all things but particularly in bed at night. Her husband was no longer like another branch of herself in the bed. He was another sovereign person in it, and that made bed less relaxing and comfortable. It took a week and a few days of his presence in the bed to be normal again, and for it to be okay for her. He had been a thing she needed insulation from, not because he was bad or harmful to her but because he was not part of her, and anything outside had to stay on the outside. She couldn’t let the outside in or let the inside out. It took that much time for him to be inside again. It took that much time, or it took all the conversations they had, for Christina to automatically feel like her thoughts and all of herself could be freely shared with him, and the most literal consequence of that was that she no longer had to think about anything when she was ready to sleep next to him. It was a subconscious distinction that made a world of difference to her ability to get worthwhile rest.

“Did you look in on the baby?” she asked when she joined him in bed. He had plenty of time to warm up the blanket for her since it took a while to remove her makeup, wash her face, and try to comb out her Elnett-immobilized hair. The player was looking through the pictures he took over the course of the night.

“No. I don’t want to wake him up. My mom’s note said they want to do brunch tomorrow before they leave. Can you do that or no? Are you teaching tomorrow?” He turned on his side and wiggled down the bed to use her chest as a pillow as soon as she got settled on an actual pillow, and he pushed her stretchy t-shirt all the way up so he could rub her tummy, for no particular reason.

“I have to ride. Brunch is fine though. I could do that. I bet all the good places are going to be crazy busy.”

“I’m sure we can find you waffles somewhere, Prinzessin,” André sighed, calm, tired. “How does you thigh feel?” he inquired. Both of her legs were squished between his, and he reached down to knead her trouble spot a little.

“It’s just sore. I’m sure it’ll be fine tomorrow.”

“You need your own physio to take care of you after you train.” Familiar with exactly what kind of pain she had, he pushed his thumb into the aggravated muscle and moved it in clockwise circles. “Nutrition and ice aren’t enough for anyone who does as much as you do.”

“Yeah, that’s gonna happen,” Christina laughed. She lifted her arms and wriggled about to stretch her whole spine, forcing her ribcage to protrude even more noticeably from her skin, and drawing the player’s attention. He moved his hand there to feel first, and then kissed a spot near her raven. The tininess of her frame and the way it moved were things he found perversely captivating. Her skin was great to touch and all but to feel what happened beneath it was better, be it the beating of her heart, the inhale and exhale from her lungs, a flexion of a muscle, a reactive twitch, or whatever else her body could do. There was no one else in his life, past or present, with whose body he was more intimately acquainted or fascinated. He had a relationship with that body which was almost separate from the one with the person living in it. Christina could never disconnect the two things that way. Her relationship with his physical form was one and the same as her relationship with his mind and personality. That was precisely why it took time to be comfortable enough next to him to sleep well. André’s independent relationship with her body was the most private one he had, and even Christina herself was excluded from it. She didn’t understand or know about it, and that was why she was so upset by his willingness to loan her out, and couldn’t understand why that didn’t bother him. To him the relationship was above reproach. Nothing could alter it. It was infallible and it was just for him. Sometimes the relationship and the body gave him comfort and a sense of calm, and sometimes he wished he could somehow consume it and make it part of his own body just to experience it more completely. That was the hardest compulsion to understand, and harder still to satisfy.

I need to do something with this body, André thought as his girl then twisted to snuggle herself against him on her side, forcing him to uncurl a little to accommodate her. Not like the other night. That was fantastic though. She must have been saving up a lot of need for a long time, he laughed to himself, thinking back to when they got home from their dinner-date at Sketch. Christina used his body for her pleasure. He had very little to do and still ended up sweaty and exhausted. Christina, on the other hand, probably sweated out a couple of pounds. She had to take a shower and, unbeknownst to her partner, couldn’t even summon the energy to stand in it. She sat down in there after about a minute under the refreshing rainfall. He thought she had demons to excise or something, and had to tell her to be quiet numerous times. It was wonderfully satisfying to watch her body do everything it could that night to make itself feel good. The BVB man wanted something different at the start of the New Year, but he wasn’t quite sure what.

She’s much too tired to abuse me like that again. That’s like a once a season kind of fuck. And I want to...I don’t know. I don’t know what it is I want. I don’t just want to feel what happens inside her in that way. I want to touch her whole body and feel EVERYTHING that happens to her, not just what happens in there, he reasoned as he squeezed her in his arms and got a good whiff of the cupcake-scented dry shampoo she used to try to get rid of some of the hairspray buildup. I want to make her feel as good as she did that night but without her doing anything. It’s too hard to hang onto her when she’s all up and down and back and forth and side to side and balancing on my chest and using my limbs for leverage. I felt like gym equipment. Never in my life did it take more effort to outlast her. I think she would have actually killed me if I came before she got all of that out of her system. Double Michelin starred French food is dangerous.

“Are you gonna turn off the light?” Christina yawned, ready to sleep.

“No. I want...to love you,” her partner answered after he moved her hair up on the pillow so he could press his forehead into the nape of her neck and let his lips skim her shirt when he spoke. “Slowly, and carefully...Gentle. Comprehensively,” he finished with a kiss on her spine.

“Awyou couldn’t have gotten all horny a little bit earlier? Before I was half asleep?”

“I’m not horny.”

“Then what are you?”

“Obsessed with your skin, and your flesh.”

“’Cause that doesn’t sound creepy and gross.”

“In a biblical sense, Prinzessin,” André quietly groaned. “Not in a serial killer sense. You have to stop watching Criminal Minds.”

“Still sounds gross.”

“It’s not.” He recognized that it would take more than words to make his tired and sleepy wife understand what he meant, and what he craved, and what he wanted to do for her. He slid his left hand down her still exposed torso and cupped between her legs for a moment before seeking the extra warm stripe in the center of her underwear with his finger. “I want to love you the way you’ve been wanting me to.” Christina twisted her neck to try to see him, and her face was shockingly stricken with sadness. “What’s wrong baby?”

“You know?”

“Of course I know,” he assured her.

“Then why make me wait?”

“I have to feel how you want me to. You’d know if I pretended.”

“Now you do? Out of nowhere?”

“Not out of nowhere. Out of right here. Out of being with you.”