#if this is inaccurate pls just shoot me i havent played skyrim or morrowind in a hot minute

[custom-whats]

Hear me out, the merry band of idiots not-as-idiotic-idiots get asked by tld to look after their kid for the night while they (understandably) get a little bit of time off. How much chaos do you think would happen?

Inigo takes care of the kid as though his life depends on it, literally the most dependable babysitter ever. Frankly, his life may as well depend on it, because he’d rather off himself violently on your lawn than face the fact that he failed to protect your kid. Even if that "protection" is like... saving them from a stomachache. The child is kept perfectly content and chaos, if it does occur, is nothing that can't be fixed...............probably. The one undeniably disastrous element is that Inigo does regale the kid with some tales of your/his exploits that, should your child attempt to recreate, may prove to be a fire hazard in any home of yours that happens to be made of wood.

Kaidan is a dependable enough babysitter, though he’s rather restless if he’s stuck in one place with nothing to do for too long, so expect your child to be taken on outings when he’s in charge. Though your child doesn’t have the same guarantee of safety a babysitter like Inigo can provide, you can always feel secure in the knowledge that your kiddo will only ever have superficial injuries that Kaidan is sure to keep healing potions on him for. Said injuries typically arise from hiking or hunting excursions, as you might imagine. If you express disapproval with Kaidan’s methods of babysitting, he’ll acquiesce and stay at your home with the kid, but you can be sure he’ll be keeping busy with carving, reading, or some other busy work with his hands. The kid will likely want to partake, and under Kaidan’s tutelage you’ll have a skilled craftsman on your hands in no time. As for shenanigans, one stern look from Kaidan and a low “knock it off, eh?” is usually enough to get even the most confident of misbehaving children to stop. 

Auri has experience with caring for younger people thanks to caring for her sister when it was necessary, but by that same token her sister was hardly as dependent on her as the kids you can adopt in Skyrim, so she’s both experienced and entirely inexperienced as a babysitter. She wont endanger the kid, and they’re undeniably in good care with her, but she’ll perhaps end up expecting a little too much of their capability to care for themselves and she’ll have to learn the hard way that most kids that age don’t know how to fletch arrows, or hunt their own dinner, or whatever else. Misbehaving related chaos from the kid is kept to a minimum or entirely absent, as she is incredibly intimidating and not above threatening to eat your kid if they make her mad enough. Doesn’t really want to make a habit of babysitting though, adorable and well-behaved child or otherwise.

Lucien....oh, Lucien....he tries, yknow? and he’s an absolute god of a babysitter to any well-behaved, curiosity and learning driven child, but for an adventurous child of the Legendary Dragonborn? surrounding by the beckoning call of adventure, danger, and excitement bleeding into every aspect of their raising?........he might have a difficult time, to put it mildly. He’s simply not intimidating enough on his own to get a child to behave, hardly stern enough to enforce punishment in any meaningful way regardless, and is unfortunately extremely susceptible to any and all pranks a mischievous child could hope to pull on an unsuspecting victim scholar. I must reiterate that for any child who’s polite and drawn in by curiosity, Lucien proves to be an amazing source of intellectual conversation and tutoring for them, and he’ll gladly spend the hours chatting with the child over any and all of the world’s many mysteries.... but for any child who laughs at somebody falling down the stairs, Lucien is unfortunately the perfect target. If you feel the resonant sphere start beeping and shaking wildly in your bag, you should know why. 

BONUS

Julan hasn’t even finished fully processing the fact that you have a kid, honestly. Even as he confirms with you for the 100th time that there is, in fact, no one else you know who can take on the glorious mantle of Nerevarine’s babysitter, and your child stares at him with blinking eyes, he’s still half-expecting you to yell “sike!” at him and talk about the look on his face. Instead of that, you throw open the door to your home for him and promise you’ll be back in 3 hours give or take. Azura preserve him. 

when you return, assuming your house isn’t some manner of destroyed, you find your child strangely educated on the history of Morrowind and suspiciously opinionated on the Imperials, the Tribunal, and.....a lot of topics they probably didn’t know about before today.