#ignore that ive been dead af pls ignore that ive been dead af

[custom-whats]

Hear me out, the merry band of idiots not-as-idiotic-idiots get asked by tld to look after their kid for the night while they (understandably) get a little bit of time off. How much chaos do you think would happen?

Inigo takes care of the kid as though his life depends on it, literally the most dependable babysitter ever. Frankly, his life may as well depend on it, because he’d rather off himself violently on your lawn than face the fact that he failed to protect your kid. Even if that "protection" is like... saving them from a stomachache. The child is kept perfectly content and chaos, if it does occur, is nothing that can't be fixed...............probably. The one undeniably disastrous element is that Inigo does regale the kid with some tales of your/his exploits that, should your child attempt to recreate, may prove to be a fire hazard in any home of yours that happens to be made of wood.

Kaidan is a dependable enough babysitter, though he’s rather restless if he’s stuck in one place with nothing to do for too long, so expect your child to be taken on outings when he’s in charge. Though your child doesn’t have the same guarantee of safety a babysitter like Inigo can provide, you can always feel secure in the knowledge that your kiddo will only ever have superficial injuries that Kaidan is sure to keep healing potions on him for. Said injuries typically arise from hiking or hunting excursions, as you might imagine. If you express disapproval with Kaidan’s methods of babysitting, he’ll acquiesce and stay at your home with the kid, but you can be sure he’ll be keeping busy with carving, reading, or some other busy work with his hands. The kid will likely want to partake, and under Kaidan’s tutelage you’ll have a skilled craftsman on your hands in no time. As for shenanigans, one stern look from Kaidan and a low “knock it off, eh?” is usually enough to get even the most confident of misbehaving children to stop. 

Auri has experience with caring for younger people thanks to caring for her sister when it was necessary, but by that same token her sister was hardly as dependent on her as the kids you can adopt in Skyrim, so she’s both experienced and entirely inexperienced as a babysitter. She wont endanger the kid, and they’re undeniably in good care with her, but she’ll perhaps end up expecting a little too much of their capability to care for themselves and she’ll have to learn the hard way that most kids that age don’t know how to fletch arrows, or hunt their own dinner, or whatever else. Misbehaving related chaos from the kid is kept to a minimum or entirely absent, as she is incredibly intimidating and not above threatening to eat your kid if they make her mad enough. Doesn’t really want to make a habit of babysitting though, adorable and well-behaved child or otherwise.

Lucien....oh, Lucien....he tries, yknow? and he’s an absolute god of a babysitter to any well-behaved, curiosity and learning driven child, but for an adventurous child of the Legendary Dragonborn? surrounding by the beckoning call of adventure, danger, and excitement bleeding into every aspect of their raising?........he might have a difficult time, to put it mildly. He’s simply not intimidating enough on his own to get a child to behave, hardly stern enough to enforce punishment in any meaningful way regardless, and is unfortunately extremely susceptible to any and all pranks a mischievous child could hope to pull on an unsuspecting victim scholar. I must reiterate that for any child who’s polite and drawn in by curiosity, Lucien proves to be an amazing source of intellectual conversation and tutoring for them, and he’ll gladly spend the hours chatting with the child over any and all of the world’s many mysteries.... but for any child who laughs at somebody falling down the stairs, Lucien is unfortunately the perfect target. If you feel the resonant sphere start beeping and shaking wildly in your bag, you should know why. 

BONUS

Julan hasn’t even finished fully processing the fact that you have a kid, honestly. Even as he confirms with you for the 100th time that there is, in fact, no one else you know who can take on the glorious mantle of Nerevarine’s babysitter, and your child stares at him with blinking eyes, he’s still half-expecting you to yell “sike!” at him and talk about the look on his face. Instead of that, you throw open the door to your home for him and promise you’ll be back in 3 hours give or take. Azura preserve him. 

when you return, assuming your house isn’t some manner of destroyed, you find your child strangely educated on the history of Morrowind and suspiciously opinionated on the Imperials, the Tribunal, and.....a lot of topics they probably didn’t know about before today. 

[lvlyghost]

Call of Duty Headcanons: Vol III✨

How they’d react to their civilian s/o getting hurt

Pairings: John “Soap” MacTavish x Fem!Civilian!Reader

Tw: angst, fluff, soap is mad! Injuries, strong language. just our boy worried af😔. Tell me if I missed anything ✨🌷

A/N: I almost got carried away with this one and turned it into a fic 🤫Thanks for all the support y’all!🫶🏻✨ hope you like this one💗💐 pls remember english isn’t my first language, corrections are appreciated! Reblogs, comments and likes too🥰🌈

Vol I✨ Vol II✨ Vol IV✨

A low knock on his door stopped him on his tracks.

He had gotten back that very morning.

Of course he went straight to your house before his and spent the entire day together.

You welcomed him with a bright smile as soon as you saw him standing in your doorway.

For weeks you dreamed of the day Johnny would come back. Although looking tired he pulled you in a tight embrace, kissing the top of your head. Feeling his stubble tickle on your temple while both stood in the doorway, just enjoying that brief moment of peace and quiet.

Now in the dead of the night and back at his house, Johnny made his way through the hallway and opened the wooden door.

“Wha…”

He barely had time to register the scene before him. Your body collapsed and he grabbed you with expertise.

“Bonnie?!” He shuts the door and locks it as he carries your fragile body to the nearest sofa. “What the fuck happened? Who did this to you, eh?” He hissed, now he was able to take a better look.

You were awake, breathing heavily and wincing in pain. Your bottom lip had been cut, left eye swollen and starting to close. He was feral.

“Johnny…” you breathed out. “I- It hurts.”

He clenched his jaw. He had left you safe at home just an hour ago. How the fuck did this happen?! You were holding your abdomen so he was quick to lift your shit just to suck in a breath.

He almos lost it right there. Balling his hand in a fist he turned his gaze to your watery eyes. Of course it hurt, you probably had your ribs fractured. Your beautiful skin was tainted with reddish and purple bruises.

“All right,” he swallowed. He had to remain calm. Even if he wanted to find the responsible for your state. Fuck, whoever did this would never get to see another day. “It’s all right doll,” he assured you in a soft voice that didn’t match his face. He’d probably get a permanent mark on his forehead from frowning so fucking hard. “I’ve got you, no one can hurt you now.”

No one should’ve laid a single finger on her to begin with. Johnny blamed himself. He blamed himself for something he had no control over. And yet he should’ve been there.

“Don’t.” He hears your voice, snapping him from his own thoughts. “You couldn’t possibly know.”

“You’re everything to me” a small smile appears on your broken lips. How could you still smile after what had happened? You never did anything wrong to anyone. You were a beautiful soul. You wouldn’t even hurt a fly.

Ignoring your sore muscle you still found strength to intertwine your fingers with his.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

[goddamned-catnapped]

Personal rant-- Long af just ignore this pls

Ok so like i have a highly dysfunctional family-- my dad works out of my country but he never pays anything for us; not even school/college fees for me and my sis and so on. My mother also used to work outside and used to give the whole fam financial support but now she's retired. Mom and Dad haven't talked to each other for over 20 days. Mom has a stress facture in her ankle and has trouble walking. She also once fainted at her workplace but Dad still doesn't care. Dad has never done anything for us yet he says he loves us and so on and moreover he used to ask mom for money now and then. My relatives aren't nice either-- my mom has three sisters out of which she's the eldest one and the second probably doesnt even know we exist and ive never seen her and she's out somewhere in libya and the third is very selfish and has a lot of pride and the last fourth one is a fucking bitch-- always cynical and backbites and shit. My grandmother is also selfish and arrogant and does not let a week pass by without creating problems. I think I have depression-- no i KNOW i have depression and that's not because ive had the symptoms for just a week-- ive been like this for over 3 years or more. Moreover I cut myself first when I was 11 and even now people tend to think we are just following an internet trend. I also know I have depersonalization-derealization disorder because I have the symptoms. I wasnt able to tell my mother that i even had depression so i made my sis tell her (she found out by accident because she saw my scars) and my mother didnt really talk to me about it and instead took my symptoms (headaches & mood swings + hypersomnia; sis didnt go into much detail) as something that was not related to my mental disorder and said "Change yourself". I had stayed away from my family for over two and a half years to study alone with my grandmother and my fourth aunt and they are very toxic kind of people-- they remain nice and suddenly stab you with knives out of nowhere. I've suffered a lot because of them and because of the toxic classmates I had in 10th grade-- I made no friends there. i cant tell my mom because she already worries too much. But she sometimes screams at me if i make a small mistake and cusses and takes out the anger and frustration of other people on me. I always thought that we are a family so who would we scream at if not at each other-- understanding and shit you know. But when I feel suffocated and so fucking horrible inside i dont tell that to anyone so if I get even slightly irritated-- my mom cannot tolerate that either. She's a very meticulous person so I try to live up to her expectations and sometimes I really wish she'd at least say "well done". It really hurts honestly. It hurts a lot. I didnt want to burden her with my problems so I never said anything. She always talks about how she has suffered and what not. If she was bring irritated with me (which is very often), and i told her to not cause too many problems because I already deal with a lot She'd say-- (no she HAS actually already told me)-- What "problems" do you even have huh? Honestly, I try to keep up with this family. But I just really want to die. I dont know why my family has to be like this. I have friends now and I am a senior and all my friends always talk about stories about the funny moments theyve had with their parents and what not while I have none. I always keep a straight face when mom tells me about how awful dad is. It really hurts because our relationships are so strained that it makes me want to cry when I see other people's parents loving their kids and having a happy family overall. I dont even remember the last time we all sat together and laughed. I always help people but even now I dont know how to ask for help. These past years all I have done is cry behind locked doors, put on fake smiles and cut myself almost every single day. When I look at myself in the mirror, I don't recognize myself and I don't feel like I am me or I am my own person. "So this is how I look like to other people" is the first thought that comes to mind. Because I was so alone I made online friends but most of them were toxic too and its amazing how I have not killed myself yet. I dont like how my face looks and maybe I am the only one who is not happy with her skin color. I know it shouldnt bother me but I am slightly chubby, have acne (almost no one in my class has that) and I am brown. I try to think positively but it feels so fake and i get even more frustrated with myself. When i cut myself i (almost never) bleed but it leaves scars that takes months to heal even small scratches but even now my left arm is slightly discolored. My mom wants dad to provide us with financial support and so she tells us to indirectly take out the money from him like some sort of a politician. Why. Is this how the relations in a family work? I have to act like i am not affected by any of this because i dont want to make problems for my mother. But neither does she have time for me nor does she care enough. You know, I would live on streets and have diseases if that meant that I would have someone who would understand me. Even from when I was young, my sister was in another country and mom and dad were almost always out for work and i would be left with my maids. I have never had anyone to emotionally connect with. I really want to help and even though I am so talkative-- the words that are important to say never come out. When I talk to people, I don't recognize my voice and if I do, it feels very fake and i dont even like the words coming out of my mouth. I have become so mentally unstable that I became so hostile to an extent that I was about to attack my mother and thought to just kill her right then and there and the next day while she was talking to me, i just thought "this was the person i wanted to kill huh?" and that really scared me. I have never felt any love from my mom's side and have never emotionally connected with her so at this point I don't know how it feels to have a mother or a father. It's the same as being an orphan for me. Even surrounded by people, I feel alone. I hate that I cant say something simple like "I am in pain and I want you to help me". Whenever I get really angry or frustrated, if I dont cut myself, I either dont eat or I just become very violent with myself. I think maybe I just tend to introspect a lot (if thats what its called). When i finally did tell someone (a net friend) that i had depression, he just said 'you dont have depression' and when i was trying to console his friend and just told him that yanno i had depression but shit happens so you shouldnt feel so down and stuff, he (not his friend) made a group with me and my sister and said that i wanted attention so i keep telling everyone that i had depression. It was a long time ago but i still remember all of it. I remember how my mother slapped me once so hard that my cheek turned blue when it wasnt even my fault. I remember she was hitting me with some pole for something I had not done. Once she even told me "why did i even give birth to you" when she wanted me to just check out a dress and show it to her and dad and i just had a straight face on and that annoyed her cuz it looked gloomy or my annoyed face and shit. It has always been easier for her to tell others she is suffering and to scream at me and call me a bitch and other things whenever she feels like and wants to. She has never said sorry to me and almost all the times i have kept quite and i never told her about how i had felt like shit and wanted to cry and had suicidal thoughts almost all the time. All I have been made to feel is that its my fault and i have even tried to stand up for myself but no one ever listens to me or cares at all. Even now presently i am hiding my tears for some fucking dumbass reason that I dont want my mom to see it because if i tell her to leave me alone she will not listen. When i get like this and feel suffocated, I avoid eye contact because it would feel so intrusive if someone looked at me straight in the eye and found out all my deepest dark secrets. I am not the positive, helpful, happy, funny, talkative friend/person that I show to others because its all just a facade to hide the fact that i am actually a very pessimistic and cold type of person. I know i would have the coldest eyes if I ever showed that self. I envy people who are happy and have happy lives and I despise and hate so much that I want the people who hurt me to suffer so much that theyd want to die. And some times i hate everyone and want them all to die. At this point i dont care if my family dies because it feels as if they are just some people i know. My mother has just become an annoying roommate who demands more respect than is to be given to the average person is all. I dont feel like i have any relation with my father. Me and my sister's relationship is the "so close yet so far away". Yes, I am trash and an overall disgusting person who can never be as good as others nor be able to give others happiness or make things better for anyone and cant do anything except create more problems for everyone and cant help but sometimes be too nice to people so much so that i get hurt and so i become a little too cruel which again fills me with guilt and there is no in-between. I really just want to kill myself because maybe it'll do someone some good and if not.. then its still fine, I wouldnt care because I would be dead by then anyway.