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aladaylessecondblog · 1 year

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A Heart Divided (2nd fic in the Altered Amaranth series)

Dagoth Ur/Female Nerevarine, primarily journal based. No smut, sad ending, death in childbirth

Azura's words echo to remind me of my duty, my destiny. Strike down Dagoth Ur and release the land from his grasp. Yet the memories of Indoril Nerevar say he was once my truest friend.

So when he admonished me for coming unprepared, I asked that he at least speak to his old friend, for there was much I wanted to know. And as he was an enemy of the Tribunal, he would surely surely be honest with me. I thought he would say no, but in his stony yet hopeful way he replied, "I would be happy to grant you that before our battle. What do you want to know?"

We talked well into the night on many things, and this man--this man! I have been warned by the Ashlander wise women that he is mad. Dead. EVIL. But the darkness they spoke of is not all that resides in him. Something still remains of Voryn.

I have heard the echoes of his laughter and there is no sweeter sound.

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Death has not been kind to my old friend. His corrupted form is a prison for a tormented soul that years for release.

Our conversations ranged from Nerevar's death to the present day and then moved on to the nature of power, divinity, and the flaws of the daedric princes we once revered. There is much he misunderstands and yet much more that he DOES understand.

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With each passing day I am increasingly torn...the lines between friend and foe have begun to blur.

The longer I stay, the more of Nerevar's memories seem to return, and the more of Voryn seems to come back too.

Morrowind condemns him, says he is irredeemable...but I cannot ignore the hope that he might be talked down from the horrors they accuse him of.

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I find myself drawn to him in ways I cannot fully articulate. He has had time to explore all the mysteries of the Heart...to ponder divinity, and so many other things. (What songs I could write, if I knew half the things he does!)

There is a depth to his knowledge and wisdom that intrigues me, and his voice though tinged with sorrow holds a certain...--

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BY AZURA WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

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He had offered me a drink, a rare vintage called Dagoth Brandy--something I'd only seen a few times in all of Morrowind--in the Heart Chamber of all places. His mask was off; propped against the Heart.

I stood drinking with him as he spoke once more of his plans to complete Akulakhan, to drive the mongrel dogs of the Empire from Morrowind, and how pleased he was that I would be there to see it with him. Once I went out to get Wraithguard, of course. What good is it to obtain victory, he said, if there was no one to share it with? And together, none, not even the Daedric Princes, could stand against us.

I forgot exactly what I said in response... something about going to war dressed as he was. And I seemed to find it funny, while he was almost bashful.

I made some joke about Nerevar thinking about it, and something leaped in me impulsively. I grabbed his head and pulled him down into a kiss. I expected him to be cold, but he was the opposite. Nearly enough to burn just from a touch.

He pulled back almost instantly and I realized what I'd done. A slurred mess of apologies followed, but were quickly silenced when he kissed me himself.

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(PAGE TORN OUT)

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I've said to Voryn that it seems my life did not begin until I came to Morrowind. I feel as though I did not find home until I came here.

Azura's words haunt my thoughts as she reminds me daily of the path I SHOULD take. But I cannot bring myself to heed her call. Instead, I find myself entangled in a web of passion. Voryn's arms are the only place I want to be and at a single touch, I am undone.

I once prayed to Mara for a heroic knight to love...and she sent me a god.

(If only he would listen to me.)

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(PAGES TORN OUT)

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Amidst tangled limbs and whispered promises...I cannot escape the truth.

Dagoth Ur remains determined to hold to his plans involving corprus and the blight diseases. Despite my efforts to persuade him otherwise he stands resolute, unwilling to deviate from his path. He refuses to see that his plans will only harm the people of Morrowind. He brushes aside the illness as being mere consequence of being unable to bear his divine diseases. Not all minds, he said, were capable of comprehending divinity. Some minds and bodies would inevitably break.

I can no longer continue down this path of passion while turning a blind eye to his Divine disease. It is clear that there is only one way forward and yet I fear to take it...

To spurn both Dagoth Ur and Azura.

I cannot bear to see the land suffer under the weight of his ambitions, nor can I bring myself to raise a weapon against the man I love. What a FOOL I have been, and continue to be.

I know not what lies ahead, but I'm determined to find my own path. One that does not require me to choose between love and duty.

May the Divine grant me forgiveness, for surely Azura will not. Voryn...I am so sorry.

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The pursuit continues, relentless and unyielding. I find myself constantly on the move, hiding in the shadows, never staying in one place for too long.

Does Vivec know what I have refused to do? Or does he pass his time idly, unknowing, while his followers do all this for him? It works out the same either way. I find that the wounds I've received during the inevitable clashes when they find me are not healed by the potions, or by healing spells, though they do still heal naturally. Azura's power surely cannot stretch so far?

Fear has become my constant companion, but it's overshadowed by something else...

I am with child. And whether I am more pleased or frightened, I cannot say. I will love this child, I am sure, but...how can I bring any child into this world whose very existence is shrouded in danger?

My only solace lies in the hope that perhaps one day the child I carry will know a world free from the grasp of Dagoth Ur and the prophecies that entwine us. They will know all...the love, and the danger. Perhaps they will be strong enough to do what I could not.

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I have taken refuge in the Argonian Mission...it has become a haven amidst the chaos that surrounds me. The Argonians have offered me their protection and hospitality--they have seen the good I've done. The lives I've helped free from the shackles of slavery. In their eyes, I am not just a fugitive but a guardian of freedom.

I've given over most of the artifacts I've collected in my time in Morrowind. I won't need them any longer once I've left, and to hide me MUST be dangerous. I have not told them all, only that being declared the Nerevarine drove the Ordinators to want me dead. I said that I received a poisoned wound, and that I am no longer healing very well...so perhaps giving them those artifacts was a way for me to soothe the guilt I feel.

Here within the sanctuary of the mission I find a temporary respite from the turmoil that threatens to engulf me. I spend my days in seclusion...tending to my growing belly and reflecting on the choices that lie ahead. I will go back to Cyrodiil, this I know. But where will I live? Not Leyawiin, or Bravil...perhaps Bruma. From there I would be able to escape to Skyrim, should the need arise.

Azura's anger still echoes in my mind. Reminding me of the path I forsook and the prophecy I chose to defy.

But in solitude, thankfully, there is not only fear, but joy. I feel the gentle fluttering of life within me...a reminder that love and beauty can emerge even from the darkest of circumstances.

It is all that sustains me on the worst days.

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PAGE TORN OUT

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Ukawei

The labor was long and despite my healing efforts Sadara's strength waned with each passing breath. The room was silent save for the mewlings of the babe and I saw the mark of her lineage upon her tiny wrist. A glimmering ring, the moon and star, had been slipped onto her delicate skin.

Sadara was weeping, though not until after reading her journal did we truly discover why. Her last words were "she looks like you."

We have named the child Haj-deek, which means 'hidden child' in our tongue. We shall not burden her with knowledge of her parentage nor that of the Nerevarine prophecies, not until she is old enough to bear it, so that her childhood need not be spent in the same fear that plagued her mother.

Sadara wrote a song shortly before her labor, and I will move it to the front of the journal with a note.

This is the last journal of Sadara, sometimes called the Nerevarine. Below she wrote a poem, or perhaps a song, of the doomed love that in the end claimed her life. To the child who must someday read this...I am sorry.

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This Man My Love Enfold

sung like 'My Jolly Sailor Bold'

Upon one Rain's Hand morning, I carefully did stray

Down by Red Mountain ash-choked, where I met a Dunmer gray

Found pondering a red heart, for cent'ries he remain

Saying Nerevar, my old friend, you I'm glad return again

My heart is pierced by Mara

I disdain all glittering gold

There is nothing can console me

But this man my love enfold

His hair hangs in ink rivers, his eyes as red as flame

To Morrowind the Sharmat, A monster inhumane

From Red Mountain to Vivec, Azura spreads my shame

All for the love I bear him, this man once Voryn named

My heart is pierced by Mara

I disdain all glittering gold

There is nothing can console me

But this man my love enfold

My name it is Sadara, a bard of Leyawiin

And I have left Azura and the fight the gods foresee

Come all you pretty fair maids, whoever you may be

Who love a man so faithful, yet ne'ermore shall be free

The Tools I shun e'ermore

His blood won't cross my blade

to Divines pray I come soon the day

He walks no more in shade

My heart is pierced by Mara

I disdain all glittering gold

There is nothing can console me

But this man my love enfold

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The last thing Sadara saw was the babe, the girl, curled up on her chest. The high cheekbones, the sharp jaw, so much like him. Her arms were slipping, and she felt nauseated, shaky, and so very, very cold.

She looks like you.

A name...she realized too late that she had not given the Argonians a name for the child, and her lips refused to cooperate when she tried to speak through the tears.

If she had been capable of blinking, she would have said that what it felt like. Blinking, and then suddenly finding herself in an ash waste--but on looking up she saw the Ghostfence, and realized that she was on the wrong side of it.

Her hands--

--pale, almost translucent blue-white, and the rest of her--a wispy dress that floated and fluttered around her legless form. This mystery did not remain so for very long.

"Sadara," the feminine voice, Azura's voice, spoke up, "You have FAILED me. Your love has clouded your judgment and your choice has brought upon you a grave consequence."

She tried to response, but no words would come.

"You were destined to strike down Dagoth Ur. To save your people from his looming darkness! But you forsook your purpose and now you face not only the wrath of your former beloved, but more importantly--MY judgment."

Sadara waited, for what else was there to do? It was not that she could not speak, but that there seemed to be no words that would do. What did Azura say that was not true?

"You shall wander the Red Mountain region, unseen by those untouched by corprus, a reminder of your failure. As a wispmother your spirit shall forever be bound to the land he blighted, doomed to wander without rest to avoid catching the demon's attention. You shall witness the suffering that now unfolds--unable to intervene. May this eternal penance serve as a reminder of the cost of your sin."

With Azura's voice gone, she was left in an unbearable silence. She screamed out suddenly, wailed in a unnirnly melodic sound that had a single buoyant armiger within earshot, at his post on one of the towers, convinced that some new corprus monster had been created that night.

#dagoth ur #morrowind #tes #tesblr #nerevarine #elder scrolls

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profanetools · 3 years

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42-45 for lorkhan/kagrenac

ayem I just adore that you went for the messiest and most drama-filled dynamic on this list!! love it love it

everyone reading this for context should read the epilogue of twelve tones which greatly informs this post

42. Do they let each other get away with things that would normally bother them?

Oh, Lorkhan absolutely does. Lorkhan is letting her get away with murder. I feel like Lorkhan has a million different conflicting feelings that sort of come from being in a million different fragments and yet not at all, including a cold fury, including immense distrust, including betrayal (rich coming from him but here we are), including amusement at such unorthodox methods, but including an immense pride as well, seeing how far Koht-as-Kagrenac has come and who she has become, and I think there's just... this overwhelming feeling of joy and delight at having not only someone close again but someone he knew and admired and recognised close, now as close to an equal as she'll ever be, and it's exciting? It's very exciting. He's just ecstatic honestly. To the point that Kagrenac is planning on doing something heinous just feels like a mild irritation, he doesn't let that feeling even surface, he's just so excited to be with her (again! finally!) at her finest hour and is eagerly watching her put her plans into motion. I also just think the fact that Lorkhan-is-Bthemetz and Bthemetz-is-Lorkhan means that some part of his mind will always regard her as utterly remarkable and incredible and amazing etc. even if other shezarrines completely disagree.

43. Do they talk often? What about?

Lorkhan, at first, as much as possible. He's just very excited to see her and witters on endlessly about different things, memories, ideas, musical notifs, clever observations, things he thinks she would like or be interested in (and he's not exactly wrong either, they are interesting). Kagrenac refuses to take the bait at first and tries to ignore him but eventually cracks, and lets slip that yes she *does* remember what happened before, she's not unaware, and she's still livid. Weren't you angry, when you were killed? she asks. I think before she creates wraithguard and shuts him out entirely, he speaks less often than before because he's aware how much it upsets her (I figure he's deeply attuned to her feelings by this point - and besides she told him clearly) but they do have a few instances where they might have something even resembling a conversation where they remiss together about the past, or even a few instances where they're humming different harmonisations of the same tune - before Kagrenac realises and stops herself. I think the only time Kagrenac attempts to engage with him is to argue - about what happened in the past, but also gets in a heated argument about Bthemetz where she blames him for pulling them apart and also acknowledges that Bthemetz *is* sort-of him and says she's a thousand times better than he'll ever be and to this Lorkhan is both overjoyed and deeply sad and she has no idea what to do with that reaction. Especially since it reveals the weight of her own affection for Bthemetz and thus to a degree also him.

After she's used the tools on the heart he whispers to her frequently. It's lonely, he says, to be torn asunder from your body. Do you understand now? And this time she lets him. They watch memories and visions float by and he mutters quietly, so it's not silent, and at first she says nothing but later, she'll hum and harmonise together. They frequently share dreams.

After a very long time, there are apologies. But it takes them a long time of sitting and watching and speaking softly before they can show each other the full weight of their bitterness and fury and let it go, like it's light as a cloud.

44. Are the comfortable with each other? Anything they have to have their privacy for?

Kagrenac is extremely uncomfortable with Lorkhan whispering to what seems to be her mind and making himself known at first, and is extremely resistant to him, but he is *so* familiar, he knows her like they've just spent the last 400 years of their life together (which they have and haven't), and ifnshe lets her guard down she is more at home with his presence than she likes to admit.

Lorkhan - yes - but he's deeply afraid she's forgotten him and the thing is he's just 1. recognised an old friend 2. reconnected with Bthemetz and just has this overwhelming amount of affection and it's like. Panicking because your lover has forgotten your face. Sort of vibes?

I think Lorkhan crosses a lot of boundaries at first but gradually comes to respect them more (even then Kagrenac still shuts him out). After Kagrenac uses the tools he's a lot more reticent / less pushy, and will wait for her to come to him more often. Which she does.

45. Any special dreams or goals they have as a couple? Any heartbreaks? Regrets?

The dream is actually shared - that Kagrenac would achieve her dream of transcending the limits of mortality and achieving a higher level of divinity that is beyond either of their understanding. That is all Lorkhan ever wanted for mortals - to grow and trascend their limits through living so many lives and acculumating a whole lineage and ancestry of experiences and plurality and change far beyind the static existence of et'ada. The bitter part is that she would crush him to do it (and part of him, a dark part of him, would have loved to see her try). As for heartbreaks, that's just all of it. It's all one immense wound.

#long post

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sextraheretical · 7 years

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09/30/2017 Death Guard vs Eldar Iyanden >>55647792 # 2000 pt DG vs Craftworld Iyanden Dave had 3 units of Wraithguard, one Wraithlord, a Wraithknight, a Wraithflyer (psyker flyer?), squad of Rangers in the corner, Wave Serpents for Transport, and a squad of Guardians with a Spiritseer. I had two units of 14 poxwalkers, a seven-man and five-man unit of plague marines with blight launchers, Bell guy, a Nurgle psyker, Daemon Prince, Deathshroud Terminators, proxied Nurgle Terminators, a las-predator and Three Bloatdrones >>55647825 # With fleshmowers. I siezed on the Eldar player, Dave and advanced with everything except the predator. The poxwalkers anlague marines moved up the middle to menace objectives while the blight drones sipped around the right side of the table, looking to assault the Wraithlord next turn. Nurgle psyker made the poxwalkers tougher and failed a Smite. Daemon prince's smite chipped at a wraithfighter.The Predator fired into the wraithknight and took five wounds off it. The Terminators and Deathshroud deep-struck. Deathshroud wanted an experimental whack at the Wraithknight and died to it, taking off 8 wounds in combat. >>55648018 (You) # After slaughtering the Deathshroud, the Wraithknight and wave serpents moved right to face the Terminators, also getting out of the way of my Predator's line of sight. The psychic flyer moved over and killed my Daemon Prince with a combo of Smite and lots of dakka in the shooting phase. (In retrospect I should have put him with the bloat drones) Half an army's worth of fire, including sniper fire from Rangers and D-Scythes from two Wraithguard units, pours into the Terminators and through some excellent invuln and Disgustingly Resiliant rolls, only two die. A few poxwalkers are chipped away and judged to not be a threat. Top of turn two, the Terminators use overcharged plasma to kill the Wraithlord and charge the Wraithguard, losing one to overwatch. Predator takes a few more wounds off the Wraithknight. The bloat drones with fleshmowers, so far ignored, charge the Wraithknight and kill it with 27 S8 ap-2 D2 attacks. It does not explode, though it wounds one of the plague drones down to four wounds. Plague marines and poxwalkers move onto objectives, btw. >>55648165 (You) # Bottom of turn two, the Wraithguard tought about falling back from my consolidation post-Wraithknight, but stuck around to delay my units. Wraithfighter flew over to line up shots against the drones when they broke out of combat but focused down the Predator along with the Wave Serpents. Rangers sniped at my Bell Guy and took two wounds off him. Nothing else notable. Top of turn three my poxwalkers advanced to within spitting distance of the last unit of Wraithguard while the groups of plague marines on objectives shot at Wraithguard and the Wraithfighter respectively. I used the Cloud of Flies stratagem to shield the plague marines on the right side from the fighter, as poxwalkers were a closer unit. The fighter lost three wounds to bolters and the Wraithguard lost a wound. The remaining wraithguard in combat on the right side of the table were wiped out and my wounded plague drone moved towards the wraithfighter in hopes of exploding and causing mortal wounds. Bottom of turn three and the Wraithguard on the left side of the table killed the rest of my poxwalkers near them, supported by Guardians while the Rangers killed Bell Guy. The fighter shot at the drone and took it down to one wound. Wave serpents killed another terminator. Sorry if my descriptions of positioning and pics aren't stellar. I was enjoyingthe game and learning DG rules. >>55648340 (You) # Top of Turn Four, Terminators move forward to push the Wave Serpents back away from objectives while drones split up to hold objectives and desu I forget what happened to drone #3. Maybe he got shot down last turn by the wave serpents? Plague Marines fire at the Wraithguard and Kill two through weight of fire and Nurgle Psyker's smite. (Nurgle Psyker had been alternating buffing Poxwalkers to T4 and Marines to T6 as needed along with Smite) Nurgle terminators fire at Rangers istead of Wave Serpent, killing them. Bloatdrone on onewound does a suicidal charge on the Wraithfighter (Hemlock Wraithfighter?) and explodes, killing them both and taking out a plague marine and wounding the bloat drone sitting on the objective. Bottom of turn four, the Eldar Spiritseer comes out of hiding to Smite the Terminators and rally the troops. Once on objectives, Plague Marines remain tough to shift, no matter how much fire is poured into them. The last two Terminators are charged by the Spiritseer and they kill him only to lose one more of their number in the fight. Turn five, the Plague marines kill the last Wraithguard and after the Wave serpents make a mad dash towards objectives that don't quite make it, we end the game. Both of us had Warlord and Linebreaker. Dan had first blood for killing the DP, but he held 2 objectives while I had 4. A solid game and showcased the durability of plague Terminators and the terrifying number of medium damage attacks Fleshmowers can put out. Deathshroud were ok, because I don't have Morty, they didn't really work, but I wanted to see how they did.

#warhammer 40k #bat rep #will write more later

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