#ik the mouse is missing a leg

[squeakpips]

a moosie & a goosie

[bellamys-baby]

𝐔𝐥𝐭𝐫𝐚-𝐕𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 ౨ৎ

“He hit me and it felt like a kiss…”

You used to be someone.

Sunburnt knees and wind-tangled hair. Late nights in the hammock behind John B’s chateau, your voice blending into JJ’s laughter, Kiara’s sarcastic comebacks, Pope’s calm reason. Your world had sand in its teeth and salt in its veins, and you loved it because it was yours.

And then you met Rafe Cameron.

No you knew him before. Everyone did. Rich boy. Golden boy. Violent boy. Sarah’s older brother with rage behind his eyes and a temper that didn’t need provocation.

You knew what he was.

You just didn’t think he’d ever want you.

But when he did, he wanted all of you.

And now? You don’t belong to yourself anymore.

You’d be lying if you said you friends did care—cause they did more then anything.

You got text after text…

They were mad, and they had every right to be.

John B: you alive or nah? We just want to know you’re safe.

Pope: guess being a pogue is that shitty huh? Once a pogue always a pogue no matter what fancy fucking car ur in.

JJ: seriously tho. what did we do? was it me? if it was me just fuckin say it.

Kiara: cmon pls call us, atleast let us know ur ok 🩷?

JJ: don’t bother anymore if you wanna be his little toy, wtv. we tried.

You read every word, and each one felt like a blade twisting between your ribs.

You wanted to scream: I miss you. I’m not okay. Please come get me.

But Rafe was asleep in the next room. And your phone had his fingerprint now.

You sat on the bathroom floor that night in his house marble floors cold beneath your thighs, his sweatshirt swallowing you whole. You stared at your reflection in the mirror above the sink, barely recognizing the girl blinking back.

She looked tired. Older. Expensive. Hollow.

There was a bruise just under your jawline — not dark, not dramatic. Just a quiet echo of where he gripped you too tightly earlier when you said you wanted to go home for the weekend. He’d pulled you against the wall and kissed you like punishment.

“You don’t need them,” he whispered against your lips. “You have me.”

And that’s how he says it, every time: You have me. Like it’s a gift. A promise. A threat.

He didn’t always hurt you.

Sometimes, he was tender. Obsessively so.

He brushed your hair with callused fingers while you sat between his legs on the floor. Bought you books he never let you read. Dressed you in white silk just to tear it off. Told you he wanted to make you better. Wanted to “fix the Pogue in you.”

You let him.

Because he’d helped your mom with her bills. Put gas in your car when it died. Bought your medication when your insurance lapsed. He made sure you needed him.

Its your own fault really, your are the one that flirted with him on the beach that one day the minute he gave you attention.

Then you ended up at dinner and a few dates later wearing expensive jewelry he bought while telling him you were completely a virgin even though we all know you and JJ fucked sophomore year on some random looks bed at a party.

And now you were nothing but a mouse trapped in an impossible cage to escape.

| JJ (1:30am) : Pls, we just wanna know you’re doing well. I mean at least turn on your read receipts so ik ur alive.

ʀᴇᴀᴅ 1:45ᴀᴍ.

[zeninsama-moved-again]

ik u said u were going to an estate sale, did u find anything good? :o

wahhh yes i actually hit a few today and i found lots of good stuff! no pictures because i am too tired to unload the car right now but i will talk more about it under the cut for those who are interested ( ˆ𐃷ˆ)

so these are the only pictures i have right now! the first one is from the very first estate sale i went to this morning, dropped my bags at 6am and waited two hours which is standard for me. people tell me i'm actually insane for that but the joke is on them because the line was so long, the estate sale company ended up limiting the amount of people in the house at a time so i would've missed out on everything had i come any later. i like to be the first through the door at every sale because they are incredibly competitive here!

anyways i came for some ceramic kitties, chalkware mushroom plaques, and this big box of vintage frames in the garage and i left with all of that + more! lots of neat vintage towels and butterfly wall decor, super cool faux rattan mirror, etc. the little brass mouse on top is a little candle snuffer and is actually a bucket list item for my mom and i had no idea it was there, so i was really pleased to find it!

second pic was from a different estate sale on the complete opposite end of the valley, we actually missed the first day of this one because i've been dealing with serious burnout :') so i didn't even see it. missed out on a super cool space age mirror that i would've loved for my room but ughhh can't win 'em all. left with the cool butterfly hamper, mcm bench type thing with legs that doubles as storage, and it's not in the pictures but i also got a little wastebasket from there and another small frame.

the whole reason i ended up on the opposite end of the valley was actually to hit the pt. 3 of this sale from last year. one acre property with multiple sheds full of vintage and antique shit, hella records too but i do not deal in those nor do i even own a record player... again i missed the first day of this one but in my defense they didn't even post the listing until the night before. at least the overall selection wasn't as good as when i went before so i didn't feel like i missed out on anything incredible. left this one with a record for my mom, a snoopy coin bank, a little plastic wind-up woodstock, some earring holders, and cactus salt and pepper shakers.

all of this + two thrift stores in between where i picked up more neat stuff. overall it was a great day for finds!

[isaacapatow]

* * #LIVING QUARTERS CONVO WITH @orioncarnell

Orion Carnell -hears a knock on the door; sits up on the sofa, Cat on his lap- Who's there?

ike Just me! I came to see if your fridge was running.

Orion Carnell -brows furrow in confusion- I don't- is that some kind of reference again? -gently lifts Cat off his lap before opening the door for Ike-

ike Aw, kid, you're killing me. -peers past Orion the minute he opens the door, then grins at him, punching his arm- It's a joke. You say, yeah, my fridge is running! and I say, well, you better go catch it!  -snickers- Invite me in. You're dying to have me over. 

Orion Carnell That is... really not a good joke. -tries to hide his amusement, shaking his head Am I? I was unaware of that. -still decides to step aside to let Ike into his small apartment-

ike Aaaand you have a cat. God, does everyone need to have some kind of furkid around? -he eyes the cat warily- They don't like me. I think.

Orion Carnell Furkid? -raises his eyebrows: Cat stretches before jumping from his spot from the couch to walk over to Ike, letting out a greeting mrrrow- If Cat doesn't like you, I'd have to reconsider our partnership.

ike -gives Orion a glance, before stooping down to rub his knuckles against the cat's skull and let it push its face against his thumb- Here's to making a good impression, then. -lets the cat rub a bit more, then straightens up- Barn cats, right? I can see how you'd get attached to them if they're the only things standing between you and a mouse infestation.

Orion Carnell -Cat purrs, taking the chance to rub against Ike's legs before coming up to Orion- I think he doesn't dislike you, at least. -gently picks up Cat and holds him in his arm- I'm not sure if he used to be a barn cat.

ike Well I didn't mean him specifically was a barn cat. Just surmising that's why you like the species. -starts roaming around looking at things- Forgive me if I have no follow up questions about your cat. I'm more interested in you, Kong. -starts poking at a shelf-

Orion Carnell Kong? -shakes his head, assuming it's another reference he is not going to understand- So you are not here to tell me bad jokes but to rummage through my things? Can I ask why?

ike No you cannot ask why. What you can do is get me something to drink -- your choice -- and then explain what ... this is. -he picks up something at random from the table, turning it back and forth- Go on. I'm parched. Hydrate me.

Orion Carnell -contemplates his options before putting Cat down and going into the kitchen; comes back with a bottle of lemonade- Here. -hands Ike the bottle- And that's a shortwave radio. Doesn't pick much up anymore, though.

ike Where'd you get it? No, actually -- why'd you get it. Were you trying to pick up survivor messages? -he takes the lemonade gratefully, downing most of it in one go- Lots of people do that. Lots of people give up on it when they don't hear what they're hoping for.

Orion Carnell It belonged to my parents. I thought it'd be practical, so I took it. -shrugs and sits back down on the couch- That sounds like you did that too. -begins to pet Cat who begins to purr- A lot of people were sending messages like that when it started. Where to meet up, who went missing, who died. It stopped after some time.

ike -watches Orion sit down, but doesn't follow suit, still looking at things- Yeah. It did stop. Bit by bit, people moved on. -pauses in front of some photographs- You had family, you had your parents. They were alive when you took the shortwave? 

Orion Carnell -pauses and stays silent  for a moment, eyes fixing on Ike- ...No.  They died before the outbreak. -resumes petting Cat, but watches Ike carefully- Is there a reason for you asking about that?

ike If mine hadn't been dead I wouldn't have tried to save 'em. -he's still not looking at Orion, picking up something heavy ... a paperweight?- But they lived rural. They might have been fine even if I didn't. A very enclosed community.

Orion Carnell -let's out a soft breath- You didn't have a good relationship with them? -gets up and walks over to Ike to reach for the object in his hands: a small, square, decorated box filled with something heavy-

ike Not really.  Once I split from the place I grew up, I never looked back. Nothing there for me. -noting Orion wanting the box, Ike holds it away from him- This is from them? Or from where you grew up?

Orion Carnell -lets out a mildly annoyed huff as Ike holds the box away from him- It's from the farm. -attempts to reach for it again- Isaac. Give me the box.

ike Tell me what it is, first. You don't have to open it. Just tell me.

Orion Carnell ... It's ammunition. For hunting.

ike Yeah? -lifts his chin, teeth bared in slight amusement, a clear challenge- For hunting what? -holds out for a few beats, then hefts the box in his hand, and lobs it carefully over to Orion- This is why you should just show me things instead of letting me ferret them out. I've got a nose for it.

Orion Carnell -stares down at Ike, clearly intending on taking the challenge- What do you think? -meets his gaze before catching the box; thinks better than to put it back and slides it into his jacket- I noticed that. I could maybe help you if you told me why you- -pauses, tilts his head- Are you trying to get me to talk about my past?

ike And circle gets the square. -smirks, knowing by now Orion might not get the reference- I'm making conversation, kid. I come to your place, I meet your cat, I drink your lemonade-- -shakes the bottle, then finishes the last bit of the drink- You tell me more than three words about where you come from and what you're all about.

Orion Carnell And you go through my things. -runs a hand through his hair- This is really the most you way you could have gone about this. -steps back a little after noticing he is still in Ike's personal space There isn't really much to talk about there. My life wasn't that eventful or anything.

ike I don't think that's true. I don't think that's even remotely true, Orion. -follows back into the other man's personal space- And what's more, I think you wanna tell me. You're just not used to telling people shit.

Orion Carnell -squares up a little as Ike pushes back into his space; meets Ike's gaze with a mix of reluctance and defiance- Plenty of people here don't talk about their past. Whether they want to or not. You don't either, most of the time. -narrows his eyes- Why not start us off, if you wanna talk about what came before?

ike -rocks back on his heels slightly, with a not-entirely kind smile- Because I'm older than you and I'm your boss. Shit rolls downhill, kid. Not up. Down. I get to call the shots.

Orion Carnell -stares at Ike with an intense expression, a hint of anger and recognition appears in his eyes- You're my boss out there. Not in here. You're not my-- -stops himself and takes a deep, trembling breath; takes another step back again- You know what? Fine. If you want to do this, let's do it.

ike -keeps his head leaned back, not moving from the spot, his eyes gone more watchful and unreadable- Confess ye to one another that you might be healed. -spreads his hands- I'm not going anywhere.

Orion Carnell I'm not confessing to anything. -averts his gaze and closes his eyes for a moment, before turning his eyes back to Ike, forcing his expression into neutrality- My parents were doomsday preppers. From the moment I was born, they spent their time preparing me for when the world was gonna end. They never got to see it. My mum died of cancer, dad got himself killed in a hunting accident. But it did end. And thanks to them, I survived it. Is that what you wanted to hear?

ike Mmmmm. -steps forward more, close enough that he can tap the back of his forefinger against the jacket pocket where Orion put the box- Riiiight. -his smile inches wider-  Hunting.

Orion Carnell grabs Ike's wrist, hard, wrenching his hand away Yes. Hunting. What exactly are you trying to imply?

ike -looks at him for a long, long time, tongue caught between his teeth on one side as he keeps the smile. Finally:- Absolutely nothing. The shit we left in the past belongs there. I've seen you out past the wire, kid -- you're no farm boy anymore.

Orion Carnell -stares at Ike for a moment, almost a little dumbfounded- I normally wouldn't say this, but you are an absolute asshole. -let's go of Ike's wrist and runs a hand through his hair, letting out his breath while trying to calm himself- Don't do that again. I will hit you.

ike -clicks his tongue against his teeth and gives his shoulders a shake to settle his jacket- Well. I can recognize a cue to see myself out. But it was good to see where you squat and meet your roomie.

Orion Carnell -stays silent for a moment, before sighing softly- You can come again. And knowing you, you probably will, whether I tell you to or not. Just keep your hands to yourself next time. -musters a hint of a tired smile- Alright?

ike Awright. -pauses on his way to the door, whapping the back of his hand against Orion's arm- You're a stand up guy, kiddo. Don't pay any attention to what they all say about you. -heads out before there can be any follow-up questions, snickering to himself-

/ / /  later on down the road

Orion Carnell -knocks on Isaac's door, holding a bottle of what appears to be (probably) alcohol-

ike -answers after a moment or two, wearing glasses and a ratty tshirt and sweatpants and with massive bedhead, blinking in confusion- Orion? Did something come up, man?

Orion Carnell Oh, I didn't know you were still sleeping. -tilts his head, staring at Ike- Can I come in?

ike Uh. -blinks some more, but swings himself aside to let Orion in- If you want to, I guess. I was reading. I conked out. -shuffles in behind Orion after shutting the door- Is there ... something?

Orion Carnell -looks around Ike's apartment with interest, before turning around to face Ike- I found these. -holds the bottle out to Isaac as an offering- I didn't know you wore glasses.

ike -takes the bottle but doesn't look at it, finally starting to sharpen up- Yeah, well -- they're not exactly confidence-building to wear em out on raids. I only need them for reading. Reading books. Otherwise I'm -- hell, I don't need to explain this to you. I wear glasses!

Orion Carnell -tilts his head slightly as he studies Isaac- I see. Interesting. What were you reading that let you fall asleep?

ike I've read it before. A collection of Stephen King stories. -turns the bottle in his fingers for a moment- If this is booze, I can't -- I don't drink, kid. But you can have some since it looks like you're not leaving.

Orion Carnell No, I am indeed not. -looks around for two chairs, notices that there aren't any- I don't know if it is. Can't read the label.

ike You can't ... ah. -stares at Orion for a moment, then goes over to a cupboard and takes out two thick glasses, so worn they're practically opaque- We can have some. It's some kinda grape-apple juice. You like juice? Of course you like juice. -comes back and hands one to Orion, then gets two folding chairs out of the closet- Jemma said I should have somewhere to sit that wasn't my bed.

Orion Carnell I do like juice. And she was right. -sits down on one of the chairs and grabs one of the glasses, eyes fixated on Ike- You don't drink alcohol?

ike No, I do not drink alcohol. I mean... -lowers himself into the other chair slowly, with a wince- I don't drink hard liquor. Y'know that weak beer they're experimenting with? The kind that's okay for above age eight? I drink that. -swigs at the juice- I'm an addict, Orion. I don't drink. This is good, though. You picked it up somewhere?

Orion Carnell -eyes Ike with curiosity-  I see. I'll try not to bring anything like that over, then. -also takes a sip from the juice- I found it in a crate a few miles south. Didn't want to bring the whole thing without knowing whether it's good. We could head out later for it.

ike Ohhhh-kay. -slides down lower in his chair, so he can rest the glass on his chest, cupped in his hands- I mean I don't go apeshit, or anything. I can be around people who're drinking, if you drink.

Orion Carnell If I'm coming over, I'd rather have something we could both drink. -shrugs slightly, taking another sip from his juice- How did that happen? The addiction?

ike -grunts, but he's still a little disoriented, holding himself gingerly in his chair, without the energy to be combative- It was a long time ago. I wasn't ready for how big of a change it would be, leaving ... the place I grew up. It was real different. I wasn't ready. I was scared. -breathes out long, chest sinking lower- I was scared all the time.

Orion Carnell -eyes Ike with curiosity, slightly leaning forward in his chair- So... the alcohol helped. Made you feel less scared of everything. -voice is calm, almost gentle as he observes Ike- You didn't have anyone when you left, did you?

ike Nope. I left everyone behind and I didn't look back. That's how it had to be. -gets lost in his own thoughts for a while, then rouses slightly, looking at Orion- I mean, you know what that's like, huh? Being alone on the road. Out in the big wide world. You did pretty good.

Orion Carnell I see. -stays quiet for the moment, putting the glass down on the floor as he watches Ike think; hint of a smile forms on his face at the last comment- I was used to being alone. In a way. I didn't leave much behind. -slightly shakes his head- You did great. You're doing great.

ike -looks over at Orion, frowning a little, and then his face smooths out in a chuckle- Heeeeeey. Fuck off with that. I don't need anybody blowing smoke up my ass, not even you, Starshine.

Orion Carnell Not blowing smoke up your ass. I mean it. -his face entirely serious, brows slightly furrowed, before having to break eye contact for just a moment to hide his smile- How did you get out of it? The addiction.

ike I didn't. -heaves a big groaning sigh, finishing his juice and putting the glass down to sit up straighter- The thing is -- you're always an addict. That's what you have to say to make sure you don't get a big fuckin' head about it, about beating it, about rising above it, or some bullcrap like that. I've been sober for a long time but it took work and there were a fuckton of setbacks before... -stops, fixing Orion with a suspicious look- Why the hell're you asking me all this, anyhow? You run out of beanstalks to climb down and got bored?

Orion Carnell -listens with interest to Ike's explanation, before Ike stops himself- I don't understand that- -shakes his head- I'm interested in it. What you did before you came here. And you seemed willing to share. So I asked. -fixes Ike with his gaze- I liked hearing you talk about it. You don't do that often.

ike Yeah, well. Not much time in the lives we lead to waste time jawing on about who we used to be and all our fuckin ... points of origin. -sits forward, putting his hands on his knees- Listen, If you're gonna be here anyway asking me weird shit, you can help me do something. I need you to check my stitches and make sure I didn't yank 'em open. I don't want Renee to yell at me if I did. -reaches behind him to grab the back neckline of his tshirt, tugging it off with one hitch in the middle of the movement to reveal a long scrape along his ribs, from just above his hip to behind his armpit-

Orion Carnell Sure. I can do that. -eyes widen in surprise, takes a small, sharp breath as Ike tugs of his shirt- Bad cut. How did that happen? -leans forward and reaches out with one hand, tracing the shape of the cut with his thumb, from the armpit down to Ike's hip, where his hand comes to rest- You pulled a few at the edges. I can stitch it back up if you have thread and a needle.

ike -holds mostly still as Orion touches the wound, with just a light shudder like a horse- Ahhhh. Remember that truck we passed near the cannery? Looked like it might have some tinned stuff in it? I looped back the next day and some walkers almost pinned me against the gate door. The slats were all bent up and one of 'em caught me deep-ish. -bats Orion's hand gently away and gets up to go fetch a first aid kit from a drawer, slapping it against Orion's chest as he sits down again- Let's see how good you sew with those massive paws.

Orion Carnell Glad you didn't die. -takes the first aid kit from Ike; gets thread, needle and disinfectant before kneeling down at Ike's side- I used to stitch myself up when I got hurt. So I got good at it. Arm up. -begins cutting off the loose threads before disinfecting the site and beginning to sew the pulled stitches with precision; first under Ike's armpit, then at his hip; eyes focused on the wound, brows furrowed- You don't have a fever, right?

ike Glad I didn't die too. -he settles after handing over the supplies to Orion, unbothered by being tended to by the younger man, sunk into thought about the course of their conversation- You're self-sufficient about so many things. Your parents really trained you up for this, even if it's to the left of what they were imagining. -glances down at Orion as he works- I don't have a fever. You can feel for yourself.

Orion Carnell It's best to be. I'm glad I got the training. Without it, I'd be dead by now. -finishes up the stitches and cuts the thread, tracing his work with his thumb for a moment before standing up; puts his hand against Ike's forehead, putting his own forehead against the other side- Mh. -lets his other hand trail to the back of Ike's neck- You're warm. But doesn't feel like a fever.

ike -breathes in and out, real long and slow, not moving away from Orion- Kid. What're you doing. -lifts his head slightly, the top rim of his glasses nudging Orion's hand-

Orion Carnell I just told you. Checking for fever. The forehead and back of neck are the best spots to check -pulls his hand away from Ike's forehead but stays close, hand still on the back of Ike's neck- Is something wrong?

ike No, no. -laughs a little despite himself, reaching up to pat Orion's face- I think I better lie down, is all. You don't have to tumble on, though, tumbleweed. Stay a bit. Finish your goddamn juice. -disengages gently from Orion's hold to go over to his bed, easing down on it to lie on the side that's not wounded- They didn't teach you to read. They didn't ... teach you to read because then you'd know more than them.

Orion Carnell -pulls back from Ike to give him space to get up; watches as he lies down- I don't... I don't know why they did it. -finishes the juice before stepping up to Ike's improvised bed- Why is that bothering you?

ike They did it to control you, Orion. If you could read then you could learn other people's ideas. -pats an open space on the mattress, without looking- Settle, if you want. Talk with me. It bothers me because you're smart as shit and you'd like reading. I don't just mean to learn-learn, I mean ... for fun. You'd like reading stories.

Orion Carnell -let's out a soft breath before settling down next to Ike, forcing himself to relax into the mattress- I see. -considers Ike's words for a moment- I did have stories sometimes. On the radio. It was mostly music. -closes his eyes for a moment- Ember offered to teach me how to read.

ike -makes a small interested sound- You and Ember getting along? That's nice. You'd be good for... -trails off, then snorts, rubbing a hand over his middle- I can't say that. I don't know either of you all that well to say you'd be good for each other. But I like it.

Orion Carnell We'd be good for each other? You mean romantically? Or in general? -takes a deep breath- She's nice. I met her before I got here. Joined up with her survivor group for a short while. -turns his head  to face Ike- I think she'd like to get to know you better, now that she's here.

ike Romantically?!? Jesus Christ, Starshine, I'm not playing matchmaker. I just mean in general, as people. -slaps Orion lightly with his fingers, almost idly- I know she wants to get to know me. I know.

Orion Carnell 'You'd be good for each other' sounds like something a matchmaker would say. -let's out an amused huff, before considering Ike's words; speaks up calmly- But you don't want to get to know her?

ike Man, I dunno. What good would it do? She doesn't need me. -mumbles, starts to turn slightly onto his back before thinking better of it- If she ever did.

Orion Carnell -takes a deep breath- I think she needs you. Needed you. More than you realize. -reaches out to nudge Isaac gently- We talked about what would have happened if she hadn't found this place. And you. She would have given up without you. -closes his eyes- You're her family.

ike -his eyes drift open, while Orion's close- That might be true enough. Me being her family. There's nobody in this world who can fuck you down to the bone like family. -lays his forefinger against the point of Orion's nose for a minute- You, me, Ember ... we all know that.

Orion Carnell Isaac- -opens his eyes again to turn his gaze to Ike- we're not what we left behind. -reaches for Ike's hand on his face and grabs it, pressing down on it, considering his words carefully- You're not like them. That's why you left, isn't it. -let's out a soft breath- You're still scared.

ike -doesn't react much to Orion grabbing his hand, right up until that last statement when his eyes go wider and Ike goes very still, for a moment, before he talks- I'm going to sleep. You can stay or go. I don't care which. -turns away, even though that puts him on his injured side, and takes off his glasses to drop onto the ground where his book is- Just turn off the light, kid.

Orion Carnell -takes it all in for a moment, before getting up to turn the lights back off; heads back to the mattress to lie next down to Ike again.- Isaac?

ike Mmmmmm. What.

Orion Carnell Don't lie on your injured side.

ike -is quiet for a minute, then gives a thready snicker before turning back onto his good side. His voice in the dark is amused- Better?

Orion Carnell Yes. -hesitates for a moment before letting out a trembled breath; reaches out and suddenly pulls Ike against him-

ike -breathes in, twisting slightly so he can tug Orion in against his collarbone as he leans his back against the mattress- Okay. All right. Just get some rest, now. It's okay. -skritches his fingertips at the back of Orion's long hair, against the crown of his head- It's all good, pup.

Orion Carnell Mh. -closes his eyes, loosely pressed up against Ike, breathing in his scent- You're not a bad person... -mutters, half asleep, before finally drifting off-