#ik this is irrational but when ppl haven’t been accommodating in the past and like
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#okay so originally i had this as a thread in my twt drafts but I don’t wanna post ur there now so it is goin here in the drafts#anyone else w/ anxiety feel like other people are being overly nice when they forgive your fuck ups caused by yr unstable mental health or#even like#secretly resent you for never having your shit together bc they have to accommodate for said fuckups#ik this is irrational but when ppl haven’t been accommodating in the past and like#i can never fuckin predict how ppl will respond to situations that occur due to my instability rn#it’s so fuckin hard to tell myself or try to reassure myself it will be fine when it for sure hasn’t been in the past#this is abt my mom mostly btw#me on every vent post I ever make truly#anyways that’s the end of those drafts#but to add to this also#why are my behaviors due to my symptoms just ‘so frustrating’ to my mother#like how frustrating do you think this is for me too that I don’t have control over this? and even separately from that#thats really the best way you can think up to support yr kid who is going through shit#it is truly just she only displays love and support for me when I’m not exhibiting symptoms of my mental instability that make me#‘difficult’ or ‘frustrating’ to deal with#I’m really tired of feeling like a burden on her but it fucking sucks that I can’t just separate myself from it because I still rely on her#for other shit yk?#hhh god I wish I would stop feeling so close to having a panic attack and then never actually having one just being like#frozen#experiencing trauma as u are going to therapy is so odd#or like when it’s from the ppl thag used to be like... your break from experiencing thag from other ppl#anyways see u in another 3 weeks tumblr tags for a ventpost#//vent
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