#ill be here sporadic. i will cry a lot. its all gonna be over and okay in 12 days one way or another. its a phase mom

[nerice]

it's bad again.. :(

[timetoboldlygo]

i should keep your heart, it might be a good start

bodhicassian week day 4!!!!!!!!! this isn’t exactly in tune with the prompt, it’s more bodhi being nervous n cassian calming him down but whatever i didn’t want to write anything serious. u can also read on ao3 here

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, of course. This should have been a very happy occasion. But the closer the transport got to Coruscant, the more Bodhi panicked and the more helpless Cassian felt.

He’d been quiet for the first few hours, sitting still, but they only had an hour to go now. Cassian had jerked awake nearly ten minutes ago, and found that Bodhi was wringing both of his hands, a sure sign that he was anxious.

“What if I can’t speak Jedhan anymore?”

Cassian reached over and took one of Bodhi’s hands, just to stop them from wringing. Bodhi didn’t even know he was doing it. “I don’t speak Jedhan either, so it won’t matter so much.” It would have been useless to tell Bodhi that of course he could still speak Jedhan, that he spoke it with Chirrut and Baze all the time. That wouldn’t matter to Bodhi. Bodhi needed actions that he knew wouldn’t fail, not platitudes that he thought were empty.

Bodhi nodded, apparently satisfied with that answer. Then he continued, voicing all of the fears he had about going to visit his family for the first time since he’d joined the Imperial Academy eight years ago. He hadn’t seen his mother in eight years, only sent her sporadic holos when he could. He hadn’t been able to make it to the wedding that had taken his mother of Jedha.

Cassian settled back into his uncomfortable transport seat. Then, Bodhi said, “What if I don’t like my mother’s new husband?”

“I don’t think you can do anything about that,” Cassian said, a little amused.

Bodhi groaned. “I know,” he said, rubbing a hand over his face. His hair was sticking up a little bit and Cassian reached over with his free hand and smoothed it down as best he could. “What if they hate my scars?”

“Most of your scars don’t show unless your shirtless,” Cassian reminded Bodhi. “Is randomly taking your shirt off in front of your mother in your plans for this weekend?”

“I guess not,” Bodhi said, looking down at his hand, which had a large white scar from where debris had gone straight through it. “Rana probably doesn’t even remember me.”

Rana was Bodhi’s youngest sister, who had been only six when Bodhi had left. And who knew? Maybe she didn’t remember Bodhi, but Cassian had only been six when his father died, and he remembered him well enough. Not everything of course, but the hint of his smile, the way he would laugh. It wasn’t enough, but Cassian wouldn’t tell Bodhi that. “I still remember my father,” he said instead,

Bodhi turned to him, eyes serious. “Are you going to be okay?”

“I’m always okay,” Cassian said, but he should have known better than to think that would work on Bodhi, who only kept looking at him, like he could see right through him. “I want to meet your family, Bodhi.”

And he did. He wanted that more than anything. He remembered how distraught Bodhi had been, believing that his family had died, then as Bor Gullet slowly released its ghostly hold on his mind, remembering that they had left the planet.

“But are you going to be okay?”

“Yes,” Cassian said. Maybe it would sting a little, feeling out of place in Bodhi’s family, because he hadn’t had one in so long. Barely remembered what a parental touch felt like. Who knew? Maybe the first time Bodhi’s mother said something kind to him, he’d break down.

He just hasn’t had a family in a while. The past year had been unbelievably good to him in that it had given him one – Baze, Chirrut, Jyn. Bodhi, who knew the importance of family more than most because he had had to give his up, or they wouldn’t be able to eat.

“My mother is going to love you,” Bodhi told him. “I hope you’re ready to be adopted.”

Strangely, talking about his family always made Bodhi less anxious. Cassian couldn’t understand it, especially because at this moment it was the source of the anxiety. Maybe he was just relying on the simple familiar feeling of his childhood.

It would be nice to be around family again. He and Bodhi could be reintroduced together.

The transport was touching down on Coruscant – Bodhi’s mother had said she would be waiting for him, and Bodhi had already voiced the worry that he wouldn’t recognize her, because it had been so long and maybe Bor Gullet had removed her face from his memory.

Bodhi turned to Cassian. “What if they don’t love me anymore?”

And Cassian didn’t have an answer for that.

-

Cassian lost his family so long ago he couldn’t imagine what Bodhi was going through now. But he held Bodhi’s hand tight, scanning the crowd even though what he was looking for – enemies – was a lot different than what Bodhi was looking for – family.

“Oh my god, I hope I’m not about to be sick,” Bodhi said.

“You’re gonna be fine,” Cassian said, turning Bodhi around. He raised his hands and smoothed Bodhi’s hair back into a much neater ponytail. Bodhi carefully counted his breaths. “We’re going to be fine. Think of happy things, like your little sister giving me a shovel talk.”

From what he knew of Alya, she would. And the thought made Bodhi smile. “How do you know I’m not about to be sick?” Bodhi accused, but there was a little bit of humor in his voice now.

“Well, I’m about to kiss you, and I wouldn’t do that if I thought you were going to be sick,” Cassian said, as seriously as he could manage. Bodhi was grinning by the time he followed through on this threat, softly pressing his lips to Bodhi’s.

“Maybe you’ve just delayed my being ill.”

“No, I’m magic,” Cassian said, even more seriously. “Can’t throw up after you kiss me.”

Bodhi stared at him, delighted.. “I hope you know you have the weirdest sense of humor,” he said, smiling, and maybe Cassian did but Bodhi liked it. It made him laugh. It calmed him down, sometimes, because Cassian’s bad jokes would get him out of his head.

“You like it,” Cassian said. “Now. Your family?”

“Right,” Bodhi said. “Family.” The crowds had thinned out a little bit, but it took Bodhi several more minutes to find a group of four people, three with the same lovely brown skin he had, standing by the door. “I know you just kissed me but –”

“You aren’t about to be sick,” Cassian said with certainty. Mostly because Bodhi had an iron stomach, but because he knew Bodhi. So he took Bodhi’s hand again and carefully started maneuvering them through the crowds.

As they got closer, it was clear that his mother was crying. She dropped her husband’s hand and ran forward and threw her arms around Bodhi, who clearly hadn’t been expecting it.

Cassian almost looked away as Bodhi accepted her hug, closing his eyes. Bodhi deserved this. His mother was babbling in his ear, in Jedhan, and his little sister, Rana, was jumping up and down and demanding that she get to hug him too.

Eventually, his mother let him go and Rana and Alya swooped in, throwing their arms around him. And Bodhi’s mother turned to look at Cassian.

“You’re Cassian?” She said sternly, holding him at arm’s length. “The boy my son won’t shut up about?”

“Ma!” Bodhi said.

Cassian ignored him. “Yes ma’am,” he said. He didn’t know what she was doing, couldn’t get a read on her. He’d been so busy calming Bodhi down that he’d forgotten about how nervous he should be, meeting his boyfriend’s family.

She smiled at him, and pulled him close. She was warm. “Welcome home, son.”