#ill stop there bc ive already done that ramble before but. yes

[gibbearish]

are we really back to "oh you support (blank)? name ten people who (do/are) that right now or else youre lying for allyship points and everything you have to say should be disregarded". i thought we left that back in like. 2012 misogynist nerdbro culture

[nakedfullmonty-fr]

Whats othrias story?

ahh yes Othira!! its about time i mentioned her honestly. ill try keep this to bullet points bc yall know i ramble too much by now haha man i was wrong about that huh. there was gonna be more but i decided ive spoiled enough already

One of the bigger antagonists within my lore

She’s a guardian; her charge is a physical, somewhat-sentient manifestation of a shade curse (specially the curse on Niet), known sometimes as The Sibylline

Her home and birthplace is an underwater city named Omache. Growing up she had no relevancy or special position, she was just a city resident.

She never sought out her charge, but instead it came to her when she was around 13 years old. To begin with she never saw it physically, it only appeared to her in her dreams, but she recognised it immidately as her charge and so was not unnerved by it.

The Sibylline itself came to her on the instinctual knowledge that she would be important. The Sibylline is only semi-conscious - it has no real thought process nor ability to chose right from wrong, it exists only to fulfil its existance as a curse, but has enough intelligence and awareness to be able to plan ahead.

The Sibylline used her natural connection to psychics as a Water dragon (i know on-site shes light but finding her colours w the right eyes was a pain) to begin feeding her visions. It brought her false prophecies of the Omachan royal family turning on their people, visions of rich tyranny and poor people dying in the streets from poverty and neglect.

Othira began to spread these visions, but caught attention very quickly due to her young age. What had started out as a young girl telling her friends and family of the strange dreams she had very quickly spiralled into a mass following, and the Omachan people began to grow more and more wary of their royalty.

The growing mass hysteria soon hit breaking point, and a revolution began under false pretences, spearheaded by Othira, her parents, and a small group of particularly charismatic and intelligent allies. It was not a long revolution, for there were few remaining who had faith in their rulers, and they were quickly overpowered by sheer numbers.

The Omachan Royal Family fled, choosing to save themselves and their children than to die for a country and people that no longer wanted them. The leaders of the revolution formed a republic, with the rebellion leaders as the elected council, known as The Scarphagia

Things settled within Omache and things within the city remained relatively unchanged. During this time, Othira aged a few years, and came to realise that her visions and charge were Shade-influenced. Trusting The Scarphagia, she told them, and they agreed to keep it a secret amongst themselves. However, realising the Shade had given them their freedom and power, the counsel began to worship the Shade as a God of Chaotic Freedom.

During her time in Omache, there was a peculiar incident where a dragon she’d never met before climbed several stories, persued by guards, to her bedroom within the Palace the Scarphagia now resided in. In the brief moments they had contact, he explained he meant her no harm, but had heard that a beautiful girl resided within the palace and simply had to see for himself if it were true. She introduced herself as Othira and asked if he was dissapointed; he introduced himself as Kaydu, and replied that he was not.At that moment, the guards caught up and arrested the man, who no longer attempted to resist them. However, bemused by his eccentric ways and overt flattery, she spoke with the Counsel and asked for his release, wanting to speak with him more.

The two of them kept in contact, sometimes she would leave the palace to meet with him, or he would come to her (properly, this time). Over the course of the next few years they fell in love, and ultimately decided to have a child together.

Due to its location at the bottom of the ocean, there are a great many supplies that are unavailable, and while the city does have some trade, Omache is very much a raid-based clan. Kaydu was one such raider, so Othira wasn’t unused to him being away for times, but mid-way through her pregnancy she recieved the tragic news that this time he would not be returning. Heartbroken, she receeded from the world to mourn alone for a long while, but ultimately decided to carry on for the sake of her child, knowing that her mate would live on in part through them. Her egg became her only comfort, and If one listened carefully, you might’ve been able to hear her sing softly to it through the palace windows.

Her egg hatched after a time, providing her with a son, a guardian with the same stark white scales as his father, who she named Otzi. She treasured the new light in her life above all else, vowing to protect him no matter the cost, even if it brought her ruin. Only a few days after he hatched, she noticed her son’s health was degrading quickly, leaving him sickly and frail.

Othira, using the entirety of her wealth,commissioned the help of every doctor and healer in the city and nearby area to try and save her child. Ultimately, it was decided upon that nothing could be done, for the baby had no discernable illness, but was simply born with a body too weak to sustain itself, most likely due to complications caused by the stress of Othira losing her beloved whilst she was carrying. The doctors withdrew, and Othira spent what remaining time they had alone with her child, doing what little she could to comfort him. Otzi passed away a few days later.

Grief-stricken, but unwilling to let go, this time Othira took action. In secret, she met with an Ice mage within the city and, paying them for both their service and their secrecy, had them freeze Otzi’s body, to preserve it. She then fled Omache the very next day without a word to anybody, and headed Northward, where the Shade is strongest.By now, Othira was well aware of her relationship with the Shade, and knew that if there was a way to bring her son back, it was through that.

She began her research during her travels, gathering any book or rumour she could come across that might be of help. She encountered tales of bodies preserved to almost perfection for thousands of years within peat bogs, and turned her focus towards this. Othira eventually took up residence deep within a marshland type area between the territories of Shadow and Nature, thawing her sons body and burying him within the peat as til such time as when she could revive him. She built herself a small cabin there, and began her research.

Occasionally she would journey out, chasing rumours or collecting scrolls and books that may be of use. She spent years within the bogs, studying her materials and the surrounding flora and fauna for anything that may be useful. She began experimenting with everthing from potions to magic to summoning shade creatures, going as far as to conduct tests on weary travellers that wandered too close. As expected, she found herself having most luck with the Shade, and after her years of isolation and study, she found she could summon and control the Shade with ease. After many more studies were conducted on various nobodies (including one dragon in particular), Othira decided it was time.

In her many years of study, Othira had learnt that when the Shade was orignally cast out, a large chunk of its essence had escaped to a dimension which neither mortal dragons nor The Eleven could access, known as the Orphic Realm. However, her connection and control of the shade was unprecedented, and she had been chosen by the shade rather than the other way around, so she was resolute in her belief that she could get there.

On the night of a new moon, she conducted the rites, and forcibly tore her way through the fabric of reality. The Shade took notice of the intrusion immidiately, and demanded that she leave, or be consumed. Instead, Othira stood firm and made her case as one chosen by an aspect of the shade, having shown nothing but loyalty and servitude towards it for her whole life. The Shade congratulated her on allowing bitterness and spite to consume her so, and stuck a deal with her,

When she was expelled from the Orphic Realm and returned to her body within the mortal plane, she was returned to her senses by the cry of a child. She looked down and where there had been nothing previously, a swaddled hatchling, her son, Otzi, now lay in her arms. He was cold, and his heart did not beat, but he was alive, and in that moment of unadulterated joy she pledged herself to the Shade in full, and that no God, beast nor mortal would stop her from fulfiling her side of the bargain.

Othira returned to Omache then, her son’s life kept secret to the public but worshipped as an act of mercy from the Chaos God to its loyal followers by the council. For years she raised him as if nothing had changed, but all the while plotting how to deliver on her end of the agreement with the Shade and consummate the will of The Sibylline.

Soon she realised a plan that would allow her to kill two birds with one stone, and turned her eyes to Ogygia.

[haeroniel-doliet]

thoughts on ice skating

supposed to be under read more, sorry if mobile is weird! 

i mean ive missed multiple weeks and alll in all the society/ practice is quite weird like the beginners teacher dude keeps rambling off about like olympics skating or how higher levels have this and this move and look ive taught that advanced kid over there and heres how they do that technique rather than concretely helping us develop those basic skills that were apparently flawed at. like how do i do that correction youre just showing me bc clearly im about to fall over bc idk how to do it. and i tried being all professional and interested and make the most of it for myself, but cant help the frustration when it goes out of the easy shit into the stupid spins because apparently i just cant do it. be it my skates are too thin or too sharp blades or my ankle is not strong enough  or enough support thats why its going bad? idk even but i cant spin. cant do it. idk i kinda know multiple things that are fucking up and its frustrating and annoying and its just not gonna work yknow i can kinda turn 180. no i cant do the multiple spin spin spin that seems so easy. is it my skates or is it my inadequacy? im not getting new skates tho, im only here because i have my own skates a while back, im clearly so shit that im not even gonna be a milkly good figure skater im not gonna get in on that. i might as well do fuckin ballet rather than this. im actually looking into that kinda now id love to try. 

ice skating is dumb in the way that ive done it since im a child but never as a hobby, like ive done it with most the time my own owned skates since like 3-4 yrs old like young. but school only ever teaches forwards and basic backwards (apparently its cheating backwards) and basic stop and turns and idk things you learn somewhat naturally and my coolest tricks always been sausages (or bubbles as they call them here) and those are apparently baby level beginner stuff and im just :| yeah i can do those tho. and now ic an do them backwards which is kinda cool, and im more confident one foor skating/gliding. but like never as a hobby so i guess none of that matters, i did try to do intermediate and could keep up to an extent but i guess my basics are so shoddy i wasnt doing well enough for my own standards, and even now looking over tho the teacher is better and more encouraging, everyone seems to be doing crazy tricks and jumps and spins and one leg up fancy shit and im just... ya. guess i cant be over there. cant do it. lemme just stand with mr blabber mouth. it is frustrating bc yeah maybe i wanna be that intermediate level, maybe i wanna go skate with my family/old friends and show off bc look i can do like 3 4 cool things im almost a real skater. but fuck i guess my skates are limiting me and i should try use the rental skates? that are dull af but have better support? idk, ive got blisters from them the last i used them and i dont particularly wanna use shitty skates. but i dunno even what to do, i dont particularly wanna drop on some fancy skates just to find smths wrong again and im shit and cant do it. maybe id suddenly improve and feel a lot better about myself and take it as a proper hobby but realistically nah. im actually kinda frustrated i dont even know if i wanna continue. yes i have a friend that goes, yes i have skates and you only get better by spending time on ice and id like to be better bc only recently ive realised how shit i am, (trust me its confidence boosting to have skated with bambis on ice who are afraid of moving at all and then i can at least go kinda fast if i want) but i cant even turn properly, cant stop properly neither. its just ugh, i dont think im getting as much out of it as i should be, i dont know if its the teachers fault, my skates fault, or my own personality/inability. 

no im not doing the dumb kinda competition theyre organising in a few weeks. the criteria for intermediate (that i havent participated in enough anyway recently) is fuckin hops and drags (my skates do not drag! to sharp? idk) and spins and fancy shit i havent even ever tried to. yeah sure i could for the fucks of it do the beginners bc its uh, bubbles forward and backwards that i can do, and i can kind of do the chassee thing kind of. but i cant do a god damn spin for the life of me apparently so i might as well save my 5 pound and ‘pride’. ugh. besides the fun part was that he was talking abt the higher levels leg up glide thing, and had us do it against the wall bc ‘afraid well just face plant’ and i guess i can bring my leg up decently high when supported by the wall which is fun, and otherwise im not the worst of the 5 beginners that showed up. but yeah im just frustrated with it over all. dunno how long the clubs even gonna continue for, theres only one friend there that i would continue for which isnt great considering means i dont consider the others easy to make friends with or ones i could be fond of enough to over look the struggle of the hobby. 

i think my plan was to call my dad not only to ask if they had a preference for when my friend would fly down to visit  so she could buy her tickets, but i guess also i was going to say about the skate apparently being too soft and too thin/too sharp and express this frustration that i still cant do shit, that maybe even using unsharpened (and uncomfortable) rental skates could be better for skating and just wonder what im even doing abt this all. clearly not competing but idk even if we could just come to observe/skate for fun during the competition etc or if i should just skip to catch up/pack and clean idk. also im kinda annoyed at myself otherwise bc i just tuesday saw with J and shes off for a few weeks and i made such a good verbal plan saying id do an email and a summary im weeeeeks behind on on tuesday evening and prep for class today (didnt prep but it went okay anyway) and today i would have gone to class and to skating with a healthy meal (check check check) and come home to sign up and send the other email thats been bugging me, and then do my report due midnight i havent even started on. said id work after midnight if it was taking so long so id have it done..... i had a nap instead. not even a god damn shower i was planning to have tuesday and now its 3 am on thursday. ayy. sure i could skip classes tomorrow to shower and clean my room and maybe complete a task before i drag myself to an archery arrow lesson and badminton after (no thatll be fun, but ill be back rly late) but ive skipped so many classes and i wana see and be with my friends i might as well go, and if i get abandoned work on work somewhere in between classes and maybe actually get something done? gasp. shock. and still get home and do smth like clean and do dishes to be productive while anticipating fun thing, do it and come home and actually sleep bc im fuckin that over eh. but fuck. its not just that i have 1 overdue summary from two weeks ago, i have another summary due thursday night. maybe, in between classes i could do both, miraculous i guess yes but would be cool. do two summaries, send off both and an apology email for the other, take the spare chance to book myself another experiment if theyre still running and if not send an apology email bc i missed one in class one and ask what now. and then maybe even since the calendar is out get my 3 planned viewings booked so that i can see them b4 going back home and dont get fucked. maybe even add the corrections i got yesterday to my other report. wow wouldnt that be great. i could do them now but i should get to sleep right now heres hoping ill remember the corrections then. and then id need to look at the video for the assignment that was due yesterday and bring up the files and find the debrief and begin filling it in and maybe email researcher if i need to, and do the easy part. so that maybe logical me in a clean room will fill in the ethics part between classes on friday or after class or gasp on saturday bc im not going to st andrews after all... its a lot.. i hate that two days are wasted already. ugh. uGH. well get by. lets just try stay positive, now im going to sleep and wake up to go to my 11 class prepared to do some easy work between classes. yes yes. its probably weird that who ever has read this far has read all this shit and maybe i should just keep my shit personal and not post on my main blog bc surprisingly its open to anyone who just slightly would wanna see it,and though you likely dont know me in person its a bit weird huh idk. maybe this is here so my cousin can read it if she happens to , maybe its so that you can read it and be like ya i do that and i think like that too pretty cool im not alone, maybe its for me to read back and not have to be exposed to my worst ugly vents on my plain vent blog and can remain positive thomaybe not. its under read more anyway. lets try bury it guys.