#ilona whines about her shitty luck with men to her followers lol

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

this article accurately expresses why i have never bothered with dating apps or dating in general, considering that my all of experiences with men have always ended in harassment or complete lack of respect for my boundaries or acceptance of the words “no”, “stop” and “fuck off”.

the guy in this article reminds me so wholly of “mr let me give you sex lessons in the back of my car” guy who kept trying to convince me in 2014 to let him give me “sex lessons” in his car in exchange for teaching me to drive as well.... all because he couldn’t accept that (A.) i was a virgin at 18/19 (like who the actual fuck cares about that bullshit????) and also me not having my licence and (B.) bc apparently he knew everything about sex bc he was 25 and i was still a kid.... so he thought that it was a good idea and harassed me for a fortnight about it bc, to him, it was “such a good idea that you hurry up & get some sex lessons and experience!”. but on my side, i read it as “potential sexual assault waiting to happen in the back of this dude’s car.”

like i know so many people would call me paranoid, but let’s be real here, that’s what it really was.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

i think the only reason that im kinda half considering bothering with dating apps now is that i no longer have to leave the house and spend money on a date with some random dude who expects sex straight after it. like hmmm. like if they have to wait for like 6 months before getting me out of the house or to fuck me, then they actually have to put in effort. and what i’ve learnt from the few dudes that i’ve talked to in the past..... its that they don’t want dont want to bother with effort with getting to know you, they just want to fuck you and then toss you to the side as a another notch on their bedframe (if they have one lmao).

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

talking to rude men be like:

every jackass dude that i’ve ever spoken to online or have actually met in person, when they say something extremely rude: i’m just telling like it is. suck it up, bitch, and learn how to take the truth.

me, internally screaming: YOU’RE NOT TELLING IT LIKE IT IS, NICK. YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE. LEARN THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TRUTH TELLING AND BEING AN ARROGANT & ISOLENT FUCKWIT. SUCK IT UP, YOU PIECE OF SHIT, AND TAKE THE EFFORT TO LEARN THAT DIFFERENCE. YOU FUCKING PRICK.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

flashback to that time when a guy thought “you have strong blood in you” was a good line to try and flirt with me (he went to school with me btw), when i’d just walked from one side of the campus to the other and so was super puffed lmao..... 

and my brain just went: “one vampire (🧛🏻‍♂️), ah ah ah. one failed flirting attempt ah ah ah.... do you want to suck my blood??” in the voice from the count from sesame street. 

then in a follow up to that strong blood line he said “im like a seagull, when i see food or money, i scab it.” and i was mentally just like.... “you’re not very good at this.... are you micheal??? sweet christ, 2 red flags ah ah ah. also typical business major ah ah ah.”

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know two of the many main reasons that im learning to drive are that: (a.) if i ever start dating, i have a reason to never drink while im out on a date. and (b.) it’s also so that i have a way to get home that doesn’t involve or rely on the person that im on the date with (or someone else that i actually know, like a friend) to get me home.

like i hate that in one way, that i kinda HAVE to take that extra precaution bc men assaulting women on dates by spiking their (alcoholic) drinks or assaulting them when they drive them home when they’re drunk or whatever, are both so fucking common.... that i don’t want to drink while out on dates (and i don’t actually drink very much or very often anyway.... are my other reasons for not wanting to drink). or i don’t want to have to take a ride home with some random dude that i’ve awkwardly made chit-chat with over dinner for like 2 hours... and hope to god that he’s not one of ~those~ guys who will jump on me straight after the date, in his car, while im either flat out wasted OR he’s spiked my drink.... so that i don’t know what’s happening until he’s pulled over and he’s.... well, you sadly get the picture... because all of these stories are mostly the same. and also there’s the fact that i’ve already had enough near miss and full experiences like this, both through suggestions from men that i haven’t actually met irl and men that i have met irl, that i don’t want to have them again. so, me being able to drive is hopefully something that will keep me away from those experiences.

basically i want to be able to and kind of have to drive myself home to avoid being stuck with a stranger that i don’t know; who may want to assault me bc he thinks that he has a right to my body only bc we spent 2 hours at a restaurant together. like i fucking hate that expectation that you’ve had a date and now you must fuck. like we all know for it work for me, that i have to be friends first with the person for like maybe 6 months to a year at the very least (if we get on really well) or idk to like 3 years before i sleep with them. like i can’t fuck after the first date bc i don’t know the person well enough yet. and apparently that’s wrong????? like fuck off. but me having my license will let me have that space from men who like to think that sex after the first date is a must or whatever. like thank god, right? lmao.

like the above is beside the fact that not having my licence was why particular men were actually angry at me for not being able to drive over to their house at like 3am..... at some point in the past (like weird “let me give you sex lessons in the back of my car as a favour and sorta like payment for teaching you how to drive” guy back in 2014... LIKE HOW THE FUCK DOESNT THAT SOUND LIKE A SEXUAL ASSUALT SITUATION WAITING TO FUCKING HAPPEN IN THE BACK OF THAT DUDE’S CAR????!!! PLEASE TELL ME!)....

and “not having a (driver) licence” is always listed on those “45 petty things people have rejected potential dates over” listicles from like cosmo as well as buzzfeed.... (which i think is fucking ridiculously S T U P I D)... bc for some people it just wasn’t fucking possible to do it in their mid-to-late teens or even early 20s. like sorry it’s taken me this fucking long???? it’s literally not my fucking fault on some levels. anyway i’ll shut up about that bc that’s not what this post is really about lmao.

but yeah. i just really hope that i get my licence at the end of the month so that i can finally have a fucking life and.... maybe, just maybe..... start experimenting with dating..... but also avoiding drinking bc i don’t really like drinking alcohol anyway..... so then i can more easily filter out creeps.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

how to stay safe at bars:

okay so obvs i go on about my horrible experiences with men much too often. but here’s another advice post of what to do to deal with creepy men at bars... some behaviours that they might have and some ways they might make you feel.

how to deal with creepy men at bars:

•if a strange man you’ve just met ever tries to confiscate and/or purposely leave you without your phone and/or tries to take your other personal belongings off of you (like your bag that has your debit card and ID in it) while you’re out at a bar....

try as hard as you can to either get straight to security or straight to the bar where you hopefully can do the whole “Ask For Angela” thing.... a program where bar staff/security will helpfully (and hopefully) call you some transport (like an uber or a taxi), so that you can leave the bar discreetly.

•alternatively, if the bar is far too full for you to carry out the above, take that guy back to your friends to see if they notice how he behaves. if they notice at some point that he is making you very VISIBLY UNCOMFORTABLE they should help you out of it.

some creepy & dodgy behaviours from these types of men include, but aren’t limited to the following:

- him purposely looking over your shoulder while you text someone to pick you up or whatever, while he keeps his whole phone off limits to you if you try to do the same. you’ve only known him for five minutes. why the fuck is any of this his fucking business????

- him making disgusting and creepy comments like “you call that a real kiss? would you kiss your mother with that mouth? DO IT AGAIN!”

- him very obviously and purposely feeling straight up your dress on the dance floor despite your fucking constant protests of “no. can you fucking stop that please??!!” and “can you please get your fucking hands out of there!!!???” *moves his hand out from underneath my dress* but he just replies with “but you’re soooo sexy in that dress that i just can’t help but grab your pussy. cmon baby why don’t you smile??? fucking smile for me! why the fuck don’t you look like you’re fucking enjoying yourself????” or something like “it’s your fault for tempting me in that dress!” or finally a comment like “should we make all of them talk?” or some weird shit like that.

- him making utterly degrading remarks about what you’re studying/what you want to study or what you want to do with your life, while you’re meant to be obscenely nice to him about his life decisions/direction.

- him bitching and whining consistently whenever you get separated with stuff like: “aww where did you go??? i’ve lost you!!!! come baaaack! honey come back! 🥺🥺😫😫” bitch i’ve known you for half an hour now. it’s not cute. it’s waaaay too close and creepy for comfort. get the fuck away from me. also i ain’t your fucking honey. fucking gross.

and if any of the above behaviours make you feel the following things, when you meet a guy like this, fucking bolt for your life:

- you feel disgusted in yourself bc of the way he’s making you feel. you also feel disgusted in yourself bc is this really the type of men you end up attracting???? you also feel disgusted towards him bc of his behaviour.

- you feel like he’s trapping you on purpose so that you can only leave with him and no one else. or like he’s isolating and monitoring you on purpose. in other words, you feel like he’s isolating you from a safe way home with your friends or a lift home with anyone else that ISN’T him (like a family member) ON PURPOSE.

•you drop your phone on the dance floor at some point. he sees it and starts to try kick it away from you as you go to pick it up. you scream at him “that’s my fucking phone you fucking asshole!!! let me fucking pick it up!” he ignores you, and continues to ignore you each time you yell that at him. when he finally stops acting like he can’t hear you bc you’re down on your hands knees trying to retrieve your phone from his spiteful foot, he rolls his eyes angrily at you and says in the most unapologetic and resentful tone you’ve ever heard in your life: “oh i’m sorry.... i thought that was a drink 🙄🤷🏻‍♂️😤. pick it up then 😡.” when you very obviously CAN NOT mistake an iphone for a drink. then when you finally pick up your phone he looks at you vindictively, as the next section of this saga begins. during this whole scenario, you feel claustrophobic, terrified and isolated. you want to get the fuck away from this twisted manipulative fuckwad any way that you fucking can. you try and opt for both of you to get off the dance floor again. but he refuses.

• after the above happens, he tries to confiscate your phone and bag by aggressively asking “do you want me to put those in my pocket for you?” he’s banking on the fact that he thinks that you’ll forget he has them... so that then you have to follow him around all night to get them back. he’s pissed at you for having your phone and bag with you still. “come on, honey, let me take you phone and your bag off you. it’ll make it easier!” he whines in his best petulant pissbaby weasel voice. you constantly refuse. why the actual fuck would you trust this fucking creepy manipulative twat with your stuff???? this is where your friends end up saving you from this guy. you sigh with relief when one of your friends comes over to save you from this guy by asking for a dance. you’re feeling both twice as panicky and relieved.

- you feel like you’re lucky that you don’t have a drink bc you feel like he’d probs try to spike it or would try to spike one if he bought one for you.

- you feel far more insecure and unsure about yourself than you want to feel. mostly bc of his behaviour.

- you feel like you’re going to be physically sick being with him (like the guy im writing this post about exclusively smelt of VB beer/toohey’s new beer, sweat and tobacco so strongly that every time he forced me into him for a grinding session, i had to try not to physically gag out of repulsion).

- you feel like if it ever turned into anything serious after that night, it’d either turn into an abusive relationship or a wholly unhealthy relationship. you feel this way because of the way he’s trying to control your behaviour to be exactly the way he wants it to be without any regard for you and your feelings.

- the whole situation just sets of your fight or flight response.... but it’s more of your flight response than your fight response.

- the only thing that makes you happy is a left behind wine glass on a table near you bc you could easily use it to glass him so that you can get away from him.

- you feel super unsure if any of the above is really the way that guys actually flirt now and inwardly vow to yourself to never go out to a bar EVER AGAIN.

but you just know that that whole interaction was off somehow... bc you know somewhere deep down that ANY DECENT AND NORMAL STRANGER wouldn’t fucking try to desperately confiscate your stuff (ie your phone and your bag) from you on purpose. or leave you without your stuff on purpose. or do any of the other weird bullshit this guy did.

so yeah. basically i accidentally ended up sitting next to a dude like this in a city bar in 2017. i met him by pure chance bc i was the first to sit next to him in a booth, when i went out with my friends back then. but to this day that interaction still fucking scares me to death bc i was so close to probably being sexually assualted if that guy had just bought me a drink and spiked it.

im sharing it again, for my younger followers who could be new to going out on town soon if they’re in australia and turning 18 this year.... or even 21 year olds in the US. it applies to the whole spectrum of relationships.

PLEASE STAY FUCKING SAFE GUYS!!!!!

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know another thing i hate about all of the interactions that i’ve had with men that wanted to try to sleep with me/date me etc in the past, is that when i talked about clear braces guy who i “dated” in year 9/2010, it “doesn’t count” at all.... and it’s apparently because i refused to sleep with him, or whatever the fuck those dumbasses said.

like why the fuck doesn’t a relationship- albeit a really awkward and terrible teenage one lmao- “count” just bc i refused to touch/kiss a guy and “fuck him” as these guys always phrased it? like why must every interaction with a guy- again one that you “dated” in your teens- end in sex? bc y’all. i was 14/15. for fucks sake. why the hell was i expected to throw myself into sex with someone that i NEVER particularly liked in that way????

and what the actual fuck does the word “count” mean here??? is it the fact that i never touched & slept with clear braces guy that makes it an invalid/uncountable relationship or is it that i just refused to “fuck him” that counts as the uncountable thing that made me seem “unfuckable” (and every other rude assumption), to those creepy asf men????

bc why the actual fuck does there have to be a creepy bullshit tally on relationships/dating???? all as if you’re meant to keep score on who you throw yourself at???? bc has no one actually figured out that that’s fucking unhealthy or nah???? like no wonder so many people feel burnt out with relationships/dating or dont even bother with relationships/dating..... or just end up staying with their high school sweetheart to avoid being pressured and harassed like this.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

y’know if there’s one thing that a good bulk of men don’t fucking understand, and especially the ones who preach the “you should’ve lost your virginity by the time you were 15″ and the like bullshit lines to girls/women....

it’s that.... if you had super low self-esteem in high school, which might have led to you ending up feeling pressured into a relationship that you didn’t want.... and then getting hit on by the creepiest dude at your new school, that you now refer to as your stalker, (who, a vast majority of the time, the types of men this post is aimed at say that you “should’ve fucked anyway, just to get rid of your virginity early”).... or, if you had the people around you in your teens who told you consistently that the people (boys) in your year group were apparently on too much of a pedestal to ever think of you in a healthy way in regards to a relationship etc....

it kinda just stunted your ability to believe that you could have had any good relationships or sex exploration in your teens at all (or even at all in general)... and so you just never fucking bothered with relationships and sex in your teens because of that. in short, you basically ended up believing that you didn’t deserve positive sex/sex exploration or relationships with other people, because of these events. and that further stunted your confidence/self-esteem in regards to sex/relationships. the same goes for sending nudes as well tbh.

and then on the family side of things, in relation to dating, your parent(s) were always like “you shouldn’t/can’t date” and then you had to try to be “the good girl who had to do everything right (kind of)”, all while your sibling got to do all that normal teenage stuff like that. 

like the whole situation fucking sucked. and men will never fucking understand that. but at least that “i can’t date”/“i’m not allowed to date” excuse saved my ass with my stalker lmao.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

honestly one of the most fucked up things that my teachers at catholic school told me during 2010-2011.... in the lead up to my year 10 formal/junior prom, was that in order to “get a real man of the church” (ie one of the boys in my year) to like me......

i had to basically sit down, shut up and make myself smaller in every way (bc in catholic school i was a Loud Mouth Opinionated Bitch™️ who always had shit to say, no matter whether it was actually smart/helpful or not... and who was always ready for a laugh/joke or a debate).... and on top of that, i was then also told to make sure that the boys in my year were “always right”..... meaning that i was never meant to point out that they were wrong about things, ever... (which was quite often, obviously) because, according to my teachers:  “the real men of the church don’t like women with opinions and the way that YOU behave. they like real women who do all of those things we’ve been telling you to do.” 

like yes i know the catholic church is notoriously patriarchal, sexist and misogynistic etc. but why the ACTUAL FUCK would you spit that sickening fucking bile at a 14-16 year old girl??? who most of her friends seemed to like for her outspoken and boisterous nature??? both MALE and female????? like what the actual fuck is your problem????

and what i loathed the most about the teachers that were shooting this absolute bullshit at me was that they were basically undercutting my experience (whether they knew about it or not) of the three boys in the year below me, who literally physically attacked me for money when i was in year 8.... all as if i was meant to excuse them with the “boys will be boys” bullshit. like i will never forgive and forget those creepy fuckers, who basically and easily could’ve done MUCH WORSE TO ME if they were just a little more violent, sexual, forceful and not at school. and you think those boys are the “real men of the church”????? and that i’m meant to just brush it off and act as nothing fucking happened??? when they fucking basically physically assaulted me???? please go fuck yourselves.

because y’all. this is one of my stories that illustrates why im scared of men and why i refuse to deal with them. like it still cuts me deep and makes me scared to this bloody day.... and it happened 10 FUCKING YEARS AGO. in 2009. my teachers were basically telling/insinuating to 14-16yo me that 13/14 year old her’s experience of male violence wasn’t fucking valid bc “men are always right”. they can go and fuck themselves.

like they preached and preached and preached about:

“acting justly, loving tenderly, and walking humbly with your god- michah 6:8″

(that was my school’s motto for funsies and it’s highlighted in the school colour blue).... BUT YOU’RE SURE AS ALL FUCKING HELL NOT DOING ANY OF THOSE FUCKING THINGS AT ALL!!!! YOU OVERLY ZEALOUS, OVERLY PIOUS, OVERLY SELF-RIGHTEOUS AND JUST PLAIN OLD PRETENTIOUS PIECES OF SHIT!!!!

bc like, surely parts of all those 3 things (loving tenderly, acting justly and walking humbly (with anyone not just god)) are:

•ACTUALLY telling people when they’re wrong....

•NOT brushing off violent behaviour under the rug... but calling it out intsead..... etc etc etc.

but no. apparently fucking not. apparently it’s more important to excuse men’s behaviour and shitty opinions and let them carry on being shitty people with loud mouths and boisterous behaviour...

all while the women have to make themselves smaller & be as quiet as mice; have no opinions and believe everything they do is wrong if they don’t act exactly the way that those men want; and the women also have to act as if they don’t have time for pointing out the the wrong behaviours/actions/opinions etc of those men... hahahahaha FUCK OFF. like if a man wants that from me..... and acts like that towards me.... then he ain’t a real man in my books. period. 

then my teachers wondered why i was so fucking desperate to leave... and the catholic church also wonders why millennials are leaving the church/the catholic faith in droves. like if you constantly tell a teenage girl to shrink herself for love from another person.... and then try to make out that other person is so fucking unobtainable and perfect in comparison to her (which is what my teachers were doing to me with the boys in my year for the formal etc)..... when she knows that those people aren’t really that great anyway...... it’s a wonder she wants to fucking escape that fucking unfriendly environment where she feels totally and wholly unlovable, impossible to deal with and invalidated etc.

get your fucking heads out of your fucking asses and realise that the “love of god” or the “holy spirit” and all that other religious bullshit that i got thrown at me in a way to be told to “love and respect myself as a proper christian/catholic woman would 😊😊” ironically, in turn, ARE NOT FUCKING ENOUGH TO BASE SELF LOVE AND AN ENTIRE FUCKING RELATIONSHIP ON. it breeds self loathing and feelings of uselessness and unwanted-ness and also numbness/depression/bitterness and a bunch of other negative emotions.... or at least it did for teenage me.... AND YOU STILL FUCKING WONDER WHY SHE WANTED TO FUCKING LEAVE. HONESTLY.

anyway. yeah. that’s another catholic school rant over lmao.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

going off the back of that post that i reblogged last night about being a virgin/not dating/not having had a relationship by your 20s should be normalised and not shamed.... i thought I’d make a separate post bc meh anyway.

but yeah going off that post, I hate how when I was 17/18 and 18/19 when I had guys approach me on facebook for sex/a relationship/to date etc the question i had the most from all of those men (who at the time were in their early-to-mid 20s) was “are you like waiting for marriage or some stupid fucking bullshit for losing your virginity? like why the fuck haven’t you slept with someone yet? you’re 17-19! you’re obvs broken and let me/us (the us part was when it was 2 dudes, one trying to set me up with his friend) fucking fix you! what the fuck?” and then obviously that rant devolved into my typical point of “you should’ve fucked someone by the time you were 15!” bullshit rant that all of these men rattled off after the marriage/virginity question.

but no. i’m not waiting for marriage to have sex/lose my very non-existent purely social construct virginity. no. i’m not waiting for it to be “special” bc I know a lot of losing your virginity is MEANT to be awkward and funny and uncomfortable, unlike all the media around it making it seem seamless and perfect half the time.

but you know what I’m waiting for? a person that fucking respects that, in a sense. a person who doesn’t fucking think their stupid fucking mostly good-for-nothing genitals (ok in these cases it obvs a dick) will magically control me and “make you (me) into a real woman who loves real dick, real men, and real sex” which is something that “I’ll give you sex lessons in my car” guy literally said to me in 2014 when he was angry at me for not having lost my virginity by 18/19. im waiting for just like the bare minimum respect level that SO MANY MEN fucking refuse to fucking meet that it makes me fucking sick.

warning: this next part mentions suicide/self-harm.

like y’all I went through a lot with my stalker constantly harassing me with his “will you fucking hurry up and fucking consider that wonderful weekend of sex down the coast, so that I can be the first to have your virginity???!!! (and also so that I don’t try and kill myself, you selfish bitch!)” act. like why in all honest fuck would I give it to a guy that consistently threatened me with his suicide/generally threatened self-harm each time I refused to touch him? why would i give it to the guy who made me terrified that he’d punch me in the face if i ever called that bullshit out or generally criticised his behaviour in any way, shape, or form???? why would i give it to the boy who DEMANDED in first two days of knowing me, that i “hurry up and get on the pill so that I can fuck you!” and then followed that up with refusing to use condoms and then the “we’ll get married & have kids one day bc you’re girlfriend material” line, as if he was going to trap me at 16 with a kid to be his baby mama, and then never let me go to uni etc bc i obviously had to be stuck with the kid while he fucked off and fucked around with other girls.

like y’all 16 year old me mentally read my stalker for fucking FILTH each time he pulled his bullshit acts. she knew that he was abusive/manipulative/controlling etc. why the FUCK would she give him the satisfaction of “being the first to fuck you (her)” like she was some gatekept special unicorn or other fucked up shit???? virginity is used to control women by these creepy manipulative men. and the men mentioned in the first half of this post all were like “like yeah he sounds fucking yikes, but you should’ve just fucked him anyway; to be normal and to not be a fucking stuck up, frigid virgin bitch like you are now! you should of just given the guy a chance!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬 maybe he would’ve treated you right if you fucked him and gave him what he wanted!!!! lower your fucking standards!!!!😡” like no????????? and y’all are really going to excuse suicide threats/self-harm threats and other violence towards women, over a woman not having lost her virginity yet???? what THE ACTUAL FUCK IS FUCKING WRONG WITH YOU?????? you are MOTHERFUCKING TRASH and you need to FUCKING LEAVE.

then yes there was the less yikes clear braces guy at catholic school. but all the same. 14/15 year old me DID NOT LIKE HIM in that way at all. I didn’t want to fucking touch him, because everything about him disgusted me (which was super fucking rude I’ll admit, but yeah).

but why the fuck was she expected to give up her virginity/have a relationship at all etc with a boy that she NEVER had feelings for???? why was she ALWAYS dismissed (typically more often by male students, but also by some female students and then eventually teachers) when she said she didn’t like him???? and even after she fucking dumped him???? WHY THE FUCK IS IT SO FUCKING HARD TO BELIEVE GIRLS/WOMEN when they say that they DON’T LIKE and NEVER LIKED someone?????

but other than that, why was I expected to give myself to him??? I had boys who always said to me “I bet you’d love licking the shit out of his braces. yeah get that nasty shit out of there for him with your tounge... I bet you dream about it” and other vile shit about this guy’s psoriasis etc, and other shit like that for 3 straight fucking years..... and then those boys fucking wondered why i’d fucking slap them and storm out of fucking class.... and then they always pretended to act all nice after it. why the FUCK was i expected to endure that?????

this is the relationship where the WHOLE year group pressured me into it (or at least I felt super pressured by my entire year) bc even the other half of the year started to harass me about it. whenever i told anyone to fuck off about it, they’d just push it harder. it was a fucking mortifyingly awkward and awful relationship where i never answered his texts.... where he would spell my name wrong although I was his “best friend” (although yes autocorrect but you wouldn’t over sight that in a text to your girlfriend, right?) and where I constantly faked sick or totally ignored his advances for dates...... by actually going over my friends houses, instead of going to the movies with him.... and then when he moved schools at the end of 2010 I felt like it was my fault bc I’d dumped him???? so he’d lost a good friend after that??? idek man teenagers suck lmao

but in the whole story about clear braces guy, I think you can see the underlying thing there was that i OBVIOUSLY wasn’t ready for a relationship, and honestly I don’t think this guy was either..... considering that when he asked me out over the phone he seemed awkward about it I suppose.... like we’d been pressured into FOR 3 YEARS of constant harassment from our year group..... so he felt like he HAD to ask me out finally. and then when he made it “facebook official” i gagged... and then snapped and then yelled at him. i was fucking livid. i cringed at the couple selfie he took of us at the end of one PE lesson after the “fb official” disaster. it was a fucking nightmare lmao.

can y’all see that this SHOULD NOT HAVE FUCKING HAPPENED AT ALL if we’d just left been left fucking alone to be friends that talked every day???? like yes he had his story of having a crush on me since the start of 2008/year 7, but I always felt nothing like that for him. EVER. we were just two metalhead friends bonding over parkway drive and marilyn manson and emo kids bonding over adtr and other bands which everyone else was into anyway.

like I did feel sorry for him in my class bc no one would sit with him, bc he was a bit weird (the braces thing didn’t help him either). he talked to me too bc most of my class was scared of me and my very dramatic screaming matches with teachers/emotional outbursts that would get me sent out of so many classes for most of year 7. but i always, ALWAYS saw us as just friends. basically it was just my group that believed that I didn’t like him (well eventually) bc they always got up and moved away whenever braces dude came to sit with me at at lunch/recess. like my group was embarrassed for me or something???? idek man.

but yeah. my point with braces guy is that why fuck should I have been pressured into that??? and ESPECIALLY why the actual fuck did it have to be a fucking whole year group level of sustained harassment for 3 straight years, where on every fucking level I WAS FUCKING IGNORED by everyone????.... and where that sustained harassment made me feel as though if I’d said no, i would’ve been called a selfish bitch/whore/slut bc teenagers are dumb as fuck. like even teachers started pushing it from time to time by 2010. i fucking hated it. why should a teenager be harassed ON THAT LEVEL FOR THAT LONG while still being invalidated..... and then still be expected to have a good view of relationships and sex exploration after that???? like it warped my views so much.... and then gave me a big part of a horrible fucking year long depressive episode in 2011..... and also gave me a weirdly obsessive and deathly obvious crush on one of the very popular pretty boys who had pushed me into that relationship anyway.... especially when that said boy gave me a flirtatious comment when I was “going out” with braces boy. like how the fuck is any of that healthy???? why was I expected to lose my virginity to someone I never had feelings for in the first place????

so yeah. this is my view on why people never having had a relationship/never had sex/not lot their virginity by their 20s should be a more normalised thing not to be shamed for...... and why teenagers should NEVER be harassed to have relationship that they don’t want, fucking period. just relationships in high school are fucking awful.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

honestly the number one (1) thing that i despise about dating is the double standard between the standards that men and women set.

like a dude, lets say, deadbeat piece of shit kyle, 25 from minnesota who gets viral clickbait facebook article fame for setting out absolute batshit insane bullshit standards like “no fat chicks”, “no blondes”, “you must let me dictate what you wear everywhere”, “no talking to other dudes when you’re with me (so say goodbye to your guy friends, bitch)”, “no sluts” etc etc etc that they EXPECT to have met at every whim, no ifs or buts.... and everyone’s like “oh he KNOWS what HE wants... he’s ok!” when part of those standards literally sound vaguely controlling/abusive (like the “you must let me dictate what you wear everywhere” and “no talking to other dudes....”) but the bar is so fucking unbelievably and disgustingly low that everyone brushes those statements under the goddamned rug.

whereas whenever a woman (or me for example) says something like “all i want is a trustworthy partner and someone to be there when times get tough” (ok that was ridiculously corny but whatever... but you get my point) or the like....

the situation unfortunately instantly gets turned into something like “oh she’s demanding far too much! she doesn’t know what she wants! stupid girl, no one can ever meet that standard!!! LOWER YOUR STANDARDS bc you’ll never find someone who does THAT 😂😅🙄 GROW UP 🤬!!!! get off your fucking high horse bitch and just fuck whoever!!! and always accept shitty treatment from men. bc they’re just people, sweaty 🤷🏻‍♀️. STOP (🛑) being so high maintenance!!! because that will never get you a man!!!” or some other horrendously condescending bullshit like that.... as if wanting a trustworthy male partner is just too much of a demand for poor timmy from sydney; that you must lower your standards lower than a motherfucking limbo bar which is past the fucking point of anyone being able to get under it... instead you just have to step over it bc it’s on the fucking ground.

like fuck OFF. bc the amount of men i’ve had say any variation of the above to me are innumerable. fuck off. like why the fuck can’t men meet a simple standard of “trust” while they write absolute bullshit like “no brunettes” and the controlling comments in the top paragraph.... and they get dismissed with “he knows what he wants, leave him alone 🤷🏻‍♂️” and expect every one of those bullshit things to be met by a woman because apparently they can meet almost anything....

like it makes me tear my fucking hair out.... that im meant to put up with complete distrust/disloyalty or disrespecting of boundaries (like mr i’ll give you sex lessons in the back of my car or my stalker) from a man.... bc apparently me asking for trust or safe sex or whatever is too much for a precious man baby to meet... while i have to try and meet his absolute bullshit and be abused while doing it bc “men aren’t perfect 💁🏻‍♂️” and “have needs 🥺😫”... while im apparently just an “uptight, selfish and frigid bitch”, all because i refuse to believe that his so-called standards and clownery behaviour are NOT WORTH MY FUCKING TIME AND SANITY.

like i’d hate to imagine what twisted bullshit standards mr bar creeper weasel mcfuck had other than “you must let me snoop into your life all the time while i keep mine off limits” or some bullshit like that... which i would’ve HAD to meet if anything had happened past that night..... while any standard that i wanted met would’ve been completely fucking ignored... because women’s needs don’t matter, apparently. LIKE IT REALLY DOES FUCKING HEAD IN Y’ALL.

———————————————————————

okay don’t get me wrong. i know realistically that not every standard etc can be met in a relationship.... but the double standard between men and women where women are seen to be demanding and expecting far too much of men when they simply state that they want to “feel safe and respected” and have “safe consentual sex” for example in say an inbox.....

whereas men can write dumb shit like “no blondes” and “no bitches” or controlling shit like “if i don’t like your friends, they’re gone and that’s that” or some other shit i’ve seen in clickbait articles about tinder profiles or bad dating app convos and it’s taken as “he knows what he wants” etc should fucking stop.

because asking for safe and consentual sex is NOT too fucking much for ANYONE to ask. it is NOT a burden or a chore. nor is feeling safe and respected, for fucks fucking sake. IT’S REALLY NOT THAT FUCKING HARD.

but you know what needs to stop? the fucking dumbass bullshit about hair colour preference. the “no bitches/sluts/whores” etc bs from deadbeat pieces of shit like you, trent. and also the fact that you think you have a fucking awful, twisted right to control women as soon as you date them. learn to be a better fucking human being, trent.... you fucking creepy wanker. go to fucking therapy to sort your goddamned shit out, and don’t take it out on unsuspecting women on dating apps, fucking christ.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

is it normal to feel like you never really need a partner??? like i’ve mostly always felt this way... bar the times when i feel super lonely when someone gets engaged lmao. but other than that, i’ve always felt okay on my own.... but according to society (and also my dad) i have to have a partner to do everything with???? but i just don’t feel that drive to have one???

like i tried last year and got so fucking bored talking to random men and having to filter them out bc it was so much effort??? i just don’t have energy for it.... is this bad or is it okay??? i hate the constant pressure to always have a partner or to be trying to get one by dating which i just cbf to do???? fuck i hate it lmao. leave women be alone and be on their own for their whole lives.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

another thing i hate in relation to today’s dating landscape is the expectation that you’re meant to send nudes to whoever and whenever someone demands them on snapchat.

like when i had a follower on here harass me for nudes a couple of years back, he was all like “what the fuck do you mean you’ve never sent nudes? wtf is wrong with you? you’re missing the best part of flirting!!!! 😜😉😏” and “you owe me nudes bc we’ve been following each other for 4 years on tumblr, don’t be a shit and send some!” so i sent him some (just my boobs no face) so he’d leave me alone over it. then he started to harass me for nude videos to “learn how to turn you (me) on”/to be his personal camgirl/to be a camgirl in general. and i never filmed or sent any videos to him and never considered being a camgirl in any sense of the term. like these attitudes are 1000% not the way “following” a stranger on the internet fucking works? by any decent and normal person’s standards (and my standards) anyway. because what the actual fuck has warped your perception of reality and women that much, you weird disgusting fucking creep? for the record, i’ve blocked his mobile number on my phone, and he can’t re-add me on fb bc of how i filter friends/connections on there. but i’ve blocked him on there anyway just in case he can message me outside of that. take this as a testment to either never or barely ever link your fb or share your mobile number with your followers on this hellsite, period.

but..... the whole reason i hate the idea of nudes is bc you don’t know what the person on the other side does with them. i should be allowed to be fuckin wary of anyone who asks for nudes randomly or even be wary of sending nudes generally even in a relationship. for example, sometime last year, my sister was talking to one of her old (male) friends who is pretty weird (and is kind of like her creeper). he told my sister that he was keeping his ex’s nudes on his phone so he could share them at any point to “teach her a lesson”. like what the fuck is the lesson, mate? that you’re a motherfucking piece of literal human fucking excrement? that not a single soul can trust you with intimate images? wow. what an achievement. you fucking piece of shit.

or to make it a global issue, remember when the icloud’s of a load of female hollywood stars nudes were leaked and men jumped on it like “oooohh i can’t wait to get my hands on j law’s or emma watson’s nudes! they’re so hot!” or even creepier comments than that, that i can’t remember. or that old site called glass door that the old lead singer of I killed the prom queen (an aussie hardcore band that was big in the mid 2000s but are still around now) actually half ran as a moderator back in the day, which he admitted to last year after he was banned from some festival for a reunion/anniversary set. it was a site where men slut shamed women and shared nudes of their partners and rated them.... or some creepy as shit like that. when I found that out last year i just cringed. like a dude that i looked up to in my teens was an absolute piece of shit.... but anyway.

so all in all, what i’m saying is that i hate the pressure to send nudes.... and i should be allowed to say no to sending them and be wary of men who ask for them.

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

hey quick question: why the fuck is the topic of needing a date for a school prom/formal pushed so heavily on kids at the ages of 15/16 or 17/18? when it’s only one night of lousy top 40s music (for example my year 10 formal was filled with Rihanna’s songs “S&M” and “rude boy”, a barrage of David guetta and Flo Rida/LMFAO songs and then Adele’s “someone like you”. hell, the biggest mood killer of the night was a “pumped up kicks” - foster the people cover by a band of boys from my year)? and then sub par food? and the night of the formal, they’ll only remember snippets of, only a few years after it happened? like fuck off.

prom/formal should be a night to be enjoyed with your friends, not some random guy or girl in your year group that you’ve barely uttered a fucking word to (in nearly all cases, besides the ones who’ve started dating or y’know they’re just friends going as friends, like I did with one of my guy friends in year 12) in the whole either 4 (for year 10 or junior proms/formals) or 6 years (for year 12/senior ones) you’ve been going to school together. like I remember my crush in year 10 tried to set me up with his best friend (a petty thing to do, to dangle himself in front of me, really, bc he was already taking someone) that I’d been super sassy to at the athletics carnival the previous year, and generally never spoke to.... except when we were forced to be partners for our ballroom dancing PE lessons and assessment that I barely ever participated in. then I was made to look like a cruel bitch bc I said no to him, and he didn’t end up going bc he didn’t have a date.... or at least that’s what it made me feel like on formal night when he didn’t turn up and his friends looked kinda slightly sullen about it, which was also coupled with rude comments from teachers. but I think he was cool with it though. his actual excuse was that “formal is overrated and expensive... and I come back next year???? like what’s the point?? I’ll just go to our year 12 one!” which he did, because I saw the photos.

like why the fuck was i shamed for a whole two straight years by my teachers at catholic school in years 9 & 10, who made it their business to tell me that “no real man from this school, in your year (bc we could only take people from our year group to formals) will ever take you to the formal, unless you learn to be a real woman in the eyes of jesus” or that my “goal for the year should be to gain 10 kilos bc the real men here at this school only like women with meat on their bones and not a girl who looks like she starves herself!” (which if they bothered to ask any of my friends for evidence, they’d find out that I ate A LOT and I’m legitimately naturally skinny)...

like why the fuck is this your business as my idk english/maths/art/sport/religion/science teacher or year coordinator etc??? stay the fuck out of it ms shackleback, I swear to fuck. and also why did this always have to be done out of the way of my friends, “in private” so that I never had anyone to back up my claims??? also why the fuck are you so condescending? they’re real men? while I’m a feral child? THEY’RE LITERALLY 15, MR RHONSON! THEY MAKE WANKING/FLESH LIGHT JOKES AND ALSO RAPE JOKES ON THEIR OWN OR EACH OTHER’S FACEBOOK PAGES EVERY FUCKING NIGHT!!!! THEY’RE NO FUCKING ANGELS AND SAINTS OR GENTLEMEN! THEY’RE JUST AS GROSS AS 15yo ME MAKING JOKES ABOUT ACCIDENTALLY BECOMING A SEX WORKER WHEN SHE MOVES TO PUBLIC SCHOOL! FOR CHRIST’S ALMIGHTY GODDAMN FUCKING SAKE! (not that sex workers are actually gross, you keep doing you ladies! I was just fresh out of my eminem and rap phases is all. and also that defs DID NOT happen anyway 😂)

like fuck, I was even shamed on fucking formal night. the one night where after making all the jokes about turning up in no makeup, ripped black skinny jeans, an ADTR or amity affliction shirt and converses bc I apparently “wasn’t like the other girls bc I was SoOoOoO oRiGiNaL AND pUnK!” or pulling a lady Gaga by turning up in a garbage bag... but making it fashion; or whatever other dumb fucking shit I said.... I turned up looking super nice (for 16yo me that is)... like nice enough to impress my crush at the time so much that he dropped his jaw y’all! in fact, everyone did! 😂

yet I was met with almost nonstop backhand compliments by like nearly all of my teachers. comments like “you look so wonderful *my friends walk off* but what a shame your lack of lady-like behaviour doesn’t compensate for the effort you put in!” or “you brushed up nicely! but what a shame you don’t have a boy with you! you’d look lovely with one on your arm! but you didn’t clean yourself up enough to have one of the real men in your year! how embarrassing!” *pointed, jeering look* and snide comments about me being in a dress when I turned up to school in one every day???? like what the fuck did I turn up to school in? up to $1000 worth of agent provocateur luxury lingerie ensembles, a school blazer and heels? with an apple, a book, my glasses and a riding crop to discipline the rowdy boys? with a coy smile to match Megan Fox’s on any merch associated with Jennifer’s body? fucking honestly let girls joke a little?

then a random guy (obvs one of the popular guys) in my year turns up with a fucking literal BLOW UP SEX DOLL. YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT! A BLOW UP SEX DOLL as a prank. and you know the types of comments he gets? “oh that Benson is a real laugh isn’t he!? a lark!” and “WHAT A GREAT PRANK BEN!” and the like. like fuck off. (but then again I never found out if he got cautioned about it, I wouldn’t be surprised if he did) literally the only good non backhanded comment I remember receiving on the night of my year 10 formal was my (male) drama teacher saying: “Ilona, holy shit! you look so nice tonight! whose idea was your hippy/gypsy vibe! I dig it! so many of the guys here would kill (not obviously of course, shit) to have you on their arm! why so down? why so glum? have a good night, yeah?”

finally to finish off, honestly how the fuck the teachers couldn’t understand that the constant degrading and negative remarks and treatment they were persistently giving me, made me feel like that I never deserved a date in the first place, I’ll never fucking know. 🤔

but when I changed to public school, why didn’t any of my teachers intervene with this? it was so much more enjoyable (but still annoying) to only have the boys in the year below me try to jockey for spots to take me to my year 12 formal (bc public school let you take anyone within a reasonable age range). but still. why is it pushed? in neither of these scenarios did I ever need a male friend to take me. I was more than happy going on my own to be with my friends 🤷🏻‍♀️. i had only one negative comment on the night of my year 12 formal. and that was my year coordinator saying that I was very awkward in high heels. but altoghter I brushed up nicely. but then again, I either misplaced my phone or it got stolen. bc by the end of the night, I didn’t have my phone. the highlight of the night was my teachers getting fucking smashed and constantly requesting that the soundtrack of grease be played along with a load of 70s/80s music 😂 it was great. 😅

the only reasons why I remember both of my formals so clearly are because one was so awfully negative and unbearable (year 10/junior) that I couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of there, and the other one was passable and tolerable, even if I did get my phone stolen (year 12/senior) 😂

so, this is a message to anyone who wants to be a teacher or has just become a new teacher in a high school: if you harass kids like this, over something so fucking goddamn trivial as a formal/prom date; I will literally come to fucking haunt you when I die. leave kids the fuck alone to have some fun with their friends.