#im behind in uploading everything oops

[nucleartv]

NO HOMO @banditbot

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

right here

pairing || soft!matt x fem!reader (comfort)

wc || <1k

summary || Matt comforts you during a depressive episode

warnings || depression & nudity (no details and not in a sexual way)

a/n || wanted to create something like this for a while, little self indulgent oops, will probably regret uploading it in the morning lmao. this felt way more intimate to write as appose to my smut. but if you relate, im sorry and i love you💌

masterlist + rules

taglist

*inspired by this gif*

Days like this were unbearable, the constant looming feeling; a dark gloomy relentless cloud that paralysed you. Your energy, or lack thereof, was something you had to preserve. You had to save it for mundane tasks that right now felt unattainable.

You spent most of the day rotting in bed, staring aimlessly at the wall, the pillow wet from your never-ending tears. You had been emotionally blocked for a couple weeks, but today, it was as if some awful button had been pressed that made you feel everything you had been blocking out.

You had been sitting in the corner of the shower for about forty minutes now, your legs curled up as you rested your chin on your knees. You thought you were able to manage it, but as soon as you started you just gave up. It made you hate yourself for not being able to do such an easy thing- but it really wasn’t that simple.

Silently choking on your sobs as the water ran down the front of your hair along your face. The steam of water felt like a bubble around your head like it blocked your ears finally making your mind quiet.

You didn’t even hear the front door open, nor the sweet greeting from the man you love.

Matt heard the shower running and instantly went to listen behind the door to check you were okay, considering that you usually reply to him when in the shower. His heart began to race once he realised the water had been making the same flow sound for over a minute- immediately thinking the worst.

He gently knocks on it, but with no reply, he knocks again but a little more eagerly this time. He values your privacy, but right now he just wanted to see if you were alright. Opening it, deflating inside when he realised what was going on.

Kicking off his shoes getting into the shower fully clothed, and sitting down next to you. He felt his heart crumble for you to be this way. Draping his arm over your shoulder while his other hand laces into yours, silently telling you that he’s not going anywhere.

He wrapped his arm around your head as if to shield your ears from the hateful words coming from your brain.

It was an unspoken understanding. Whenever you both felt this way, you’d be right there offering one another your support. Given the fact you both struggled with depression, in a sad way it made you understand each other in ways no other could.

Sitting together like that for a while in comfortable silence as the steady stream of water fell onto each of your heads. He waited for you to initiate the separation, not wanting to let you go too soon.

Lifting his hand that was still connected to yours, placing a delicate kiss on the back of it, as if to say ‘thank you’.

Matt took that as your sign to let go, he didn’t want to smother you or somehow make you feel worse. Releasing your head from his biceps, kissing the crown of your head as he cupped your cheeks.

Struggling to remove his soggy blazer, throwing it into the sink with a sigh. He delicately twisted you around so that you were facing away, sitting on his knees behind you. Picking up the shampoo bottle from the floor, gently lathering it into your hair. Rinsing and repeating, before carefully combing conditioner through your knotty hair. He began washing you with your loofah, being extra vigilant not wanting to distress you. Washing your face for you, as you sat there blankly. Rewarding you with a kiss on the forehead.

He reached over to grab the towel, wrapping you in it as if you were the most valuable thing on earth, sitting you on the toilet seat lid as he quickly washed himself.

Stepping out, he led you through the apartment to the bedroom, gesturing for you to take a seat on the bed. He quickly dried himself, throwing on some pyjama bottoms before he dug around for yours. Patting you dry, placing the t-shirt over your head and slipping your shorts on.

He knew you so well, that he knew what order to do your skincare. Following your routine, gently swiping everything onto your skin, before he dried your hair.

Carefully pulling you up the bed, he covered you both with the blankets, wrapping his arm around your head once more, allowing you to cuddle into him. Kissing your forehead again, stroking over your arm as he hummed you to sleep.

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 11: “Recalibrate How I’m Playing This Game” - Caeleb

okay I'm writing a long confessional then going to bed.

Jules was robbed. I was really gonna idol them when Jones/Caeleb told me Jules was getting votes, but Jules was only getting 5, and I naively thought both that Jason wasn't going to flip and Tom wouldn't self vote AGAIN ASKDLJFAF.

I'm frustrated because I love Jules. Jules was robbed and deserved better than having to deal with Alex who like will tell Jules they made a mistake and ugh. I'm frustrated that I didn't idol Jules, even though it wouldn't have been smart and would've put me in a tough game spot, its just all super tricky sigh.

in other news, Jones/Mo/Mitch need to go. I'm super proud of Mo for doing something (like genuinely) and not playing passively, I defo underestimated him, but him and Jones have way too much sway on this tribe, tied to Mitch who is clearly able to work people.

I think a good end-group for me would be Me/Benj/Tom/Julia. I really really like Caeleb but he actually is playing super smart, so I really don't think I can have him sticking around much longer.

I think a good new bootlist is: Jones > Mitch > Mo > Jason > Caeleb

I'm just frustrated because Jules was robbed and really did not deserve that, Mo/Jones are too powerful, and now so is Mitch. I'm gonna idol one of them out, and I'm going to love doing it.

Holy fuck what the fuck that worked. Ok so here’s what just went down, Jules said to Jason that she’d be fine voting out either me or Mitch. People were leaning towards Mitch. We had like 20 minutes left and we started discussing and I threw out to Jones, what if we get Jules out, but she kinda ignored it and carried on with the Mitch plan. Because Jules has a lot of connections I can understand why Jones would be hesitant. So then I throw the pitch rob Caeleb and Mitch throws the pitch to Jason and they’re both on board. But that would of only been five people. Meaning it most likely would of tied so we were like ok I guess we’ll just vote Mitch. BUT THEN BENJ GETS ONLINE and he’s like “Yeah I’ll vote Jules.” SO I SCRAMBLE BACK TO CAELEB LIKE WAIT VOTE JULES WE HAVE THE NUMBERS. SAME WITH JONES AND JASON. WE GET JULES OUT. Which of course is sad because she’s literally a sweetheart and she’s super funny, but she had so many people in her corner and her and Ali combined was a scary combo. BUT I MEAN I HAVE A COOL GAME MOVE IN MY POCKET NOW THAT I DID (with Mitch) BUT WOW ME.

Whew chile!!! I must admit that vote was VERY scary and VERY hectic. I thought for a moment my game was ending. Thankfully my social relationships with people allowed me to stay and send the person who was targeting me home (Jules). Now this is GREAT for me because i trusted Jules the least on the merge tribe. The communication thing never worked out between the two of us but i still find her to be a very nice person :). In regards to the vote, Mo/Caeleb, Benj, Jason, and Jones all voted to save me. To me, I feel like this means im in a really good position because everyone likes me enough to SAVE me. Up until 5 minutes before the deadline, I thought i was done for. I gotta be careful with who I work with in the future because my threat level is rising. People in touchy subjects saw me as the one who thinks they are running the game but are not, but man is this far from the truth. I'd like to say that although I didn't know what was going on COMPLETELY, I still pretty much helped/forced the target onto the person who went home. Ian- Told Alex about how I suspected Jason and Ian of being a duo (correct assumption according to ali) and everyone ended up splitting between the two (I did not care who went). Alex- I pushed very hard for alex to go because he was so dang controlling and i found that very threatening. Jules- targeted me first but I never trusted her because of how little we spoke. When she decided to target me it was the icing on the cake. Hopefully these next few rounds are smooth sailing because we NEED easy votes for at least a little bit.

okay so i am trying SO hard for immunity, like its not even funny. i think i have 100+ points right now, with more videos uploading and with more planned photos tomorrow. immunity would be SO sweet, because that'd guarantee me a spot in the F8, and with my idol F7.

in other news. if i haven't said it enough, it must be said again. BENJ IS SUCH A KING. like today he told me he wants to go to F4 with Julia and Tom. I truly, truly could have shed and wept real tears. That is exactly the F4 I want, like EXACTLY ,and Benj agrees, and we are going to make it HAPPEN.

He also wants to separate Mo/Jones this round... and like honestly, I'm so down. Like I think he wants to vote off Mo versus Jones which I think is a bad idea, since Jones is a better talker and more of a threat, but his argument about Jones being a shield makes some sense.

my ideal bootlist moving forwards for the season, although it requires like julia/tom to stick with me and benj pretty tightly, is:

Mo/Jones > Mitch > Jason > Mo/Jones > Caeleb > F4: Me/Tom/Benj/Julia

and also since i love doing this for no reason, this would be my ranking of those left if i was to go to jury this round:

Mitch > Jason > Jones > Benj > Caeleb > Julia > Mo > Tom

Mitch is SO savvy, and so likable, and I could see as a definite winner, having survived so much. I can't decide if Jones is a threat because she is just so likable, or if she is actually palying super well, but I have both her and Jason very high in my opinion. Benj is so smart, I feel like he probably isn't considered as such by the other threats, but I hear him talk game - he is super woke. Caeleb is actually playing a very smart game too, flipping back and forth. I definitely underestimated him in early merge, his MIND. Julia I think is super game-savvy, just her style gets in her own way sometimes. Mo I feel like definitely did stuff last vote, but I see him as Jones' shadow/goat right now so would need to see much more. Tom I'm stuck because him self-voting twice I think almost definitely excludes him from winning so its hard to tell how I'd feel about him in an FTC. the main thing is that... we shall see.

BUT I AM WINNING IMMUNITYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Sending this now bc I forgot. Jason beat me in reward OOPS but I can still possibly win immunity,,,,,? Maybe?

Eek me at jules being voted out, honestly i didnt really know what was going to happen at that tribal for the sole fact that everything started moving whilst i was asleep but im kinda shocked that it ended up being jules.... Like i personally wouldnt have made that move right now maybe in like 2 more rounds. Its quite scary the fact that mitch got so many people to turn on jules when i thought she was quite the loved player. So I've gotta keep an eye out for him he's probably playing the best game atm but i think ill try to take him out sooner rather than later

I think I might have to recalibrate how I’m playing this game. I honestly didn't think I was all that close to Jules so her cursing me kinda surprised me. SO, that means I think a lot of people are gonna be cursing me in the upcoming rounds. Not that I am planning a lot of blindsides, I just feel a lot closer to the people actually left. Julia might be the only one that wouldn't curse me at this point, but also she might because she doesn't like me all that much. And being cursed a bunch might put a really large target on my back too.

y'all i just found another idol im SCREECHING. and its a boujee one too, a sapphire idol. I'm so AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, i know where 2/3 idols are for sure, I'm truly screaming.

This was me an Mitch on call when we realized we had the numbers to vote out Jules

heres the thing, i prefer the selfie scavenger hunt when im on a team because that way im motivated to get stuff done out of fear of letting everyone down. where as by myself, i let myself down all the time. ali is scary good at comps and im lazy.

ALI FOUND THE MERGE IDOL AND ITS A SAPPHIRE IDOL AHHH!!!

IM SO HAPPY FOR HIM/US BUT ALSO LOWKEY PISSED BECAUSE I GET ALL THE BRIDGE STEPS AND THEN HE GETS LUCKY AT THE VERY END LMAO. AGAIN.

BUT OH WELL ATLEAST ITS NOT SOMEONE ELSE!!

And if I had any doubts (I never had) about him betraying me before I have 0 now.. u like have to really trust someone to tell them u have 2 idols LOL I could literally expose so much right now

BUT IM NOT GONNA WOO!!! BEST DUO IVE EVER HAD! Like I know it will be hard to beat him at the end but idc I want that duo story for us

Literally an idol magnet king I knew I chose the best ally on day 1

sapphire idols sound kinda annoying tho cuz u cant choose who its played on . like what if ur plan actually works and u idol the person u wanted gone LOL

lowkey would rather a normal idol ?? anyways ali went off in immunity and its final 9 idk who will go but I kinda want like mo gone (king) but we have no strategic bond so.. plus he will slip by to the end otherwise

I doubt that plan is gonna work tho cuz idk how to lead votes!! im flop sheep!

Update on idol hunt - I'm killing johnny

Update apparently I’m running a vote KSKSKKFMFMFFK take back EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT NOT NEEDING POWER LMAOOOO

ok so Storytime

I’m talking to Tom at like 5:00-6:00 ish, and he says he hasn’t heard anything but he’d be down to vote Julia if other people were voting Julia (at this point this is the only name and it was said by Tom and that’s it)

At this point I tell Mo what Tom said (Bc tom and I were talking about Mo) and he said he wasn’t surprised Julia’s name was brought up

Talk to Mitch at like 7:00 ish and he’s apparenrly being targeted by Ali and for whatever reason I have this hero complex and I wanna save him all of a sudden?? I also feel like he’ll be a big shield down the road that everyone else would want out over me so it makes much more sense to keep him? SO I tell him about Julia.

I Run to Mo, tell him about Julia plan he’s on board. MOs talking to Caeleb, and Jason wouldn’t go behind Mitch’s back. So that’s already 5 people I think voting Julia, 6 if we include Tom and 7 if Benj also knows. Which I’ll probs tell him.

So ya??? Turned an idea into a plan!! I’m doing that y’all. Idk?? I’m proud. I don’t need need this much power after this round or else my ego will be the size of my dick but!!! Idk guys I’m proud of myself.

(Literally only 35 minutes later)

Literally having a stroke tonight laid ease

Uhm apparently Tom/Jason/Ali had an alliance and were trying to get me out and tried throwing me under the bus to Julia and tried saying shit I didn’t say,, so ya,,, :)

Tom tried twisting it like I was the one who threw Julia’s name out bc apparently she’s inactive? Which is cute,, I said jack shit about that. So ya.

Um I’m voting Tom tonight now. I’m an indecisive bitch tho so it might change but. Fuck Tom. We gotta break up this alliance apparently. Julia’s the only person that’s said shit to me this whole day about what’s happening so I’m more likely to believe her than anyone else sooo ya. Fuck Tom. Fuck these men.

[minishawmd]

Jokes (Chrismd)

Requested?: Nope, Had an Idea Warnings?: None Pairing: Chris and Reader I have so many requests right now, and I'm sorry that this is not one. I hope that the next one that I post will be one of my requests. So if you requested one, don't worry I'm getting to it. I'm just having a hard time with writing right now. This is not my best work. But I kinda liked it. ___________________________________________________ Y/N POV Lately Chris hasn't been paying much attention to me. I mean he has, but it's been like quick kisses and cuddles at night. He's been busy with everywhere he been traveling. He's just got back from Barcelona, and he's been editing a video since. One of our favorite things to do, is to say stupid poems and puns to each other. Recently I have come up with a few that I am going to test out on him. I'm going to test the first one out tonight. As of right now, I am laying in bed, waiting for him to finish editing so he will come to bed. "Hey Chris." "Yes Y/N?" "Roses are red, Violets are blue. Guess what? My bed has room for two." I hear him let out a soft chuckle. "I think that bed has room for more than two," he says turning around in his chair "But if that is your way of trying to get me to come to bed. It worked." I smile as he gets up from his chair and joins me in bed. Wrapping his arms around me, I cuddle into him, resting my head on his chest. ~Few Days Later~ I've helped Chris film a video today, for his channel. Nothing to special, mainly him just trying to do different tricks and things. Although,  I swear that this boy is trying to kill me, with all his teasing and what not. By teasing I mean, he's been licking his lips every now and then. Also bee smirking over at me, when he does something on the first try. To be honest with everyone, Chris and I haven't done anything in probably almost two months. So you could say that I am a bit deprived, as is he, but neither of us will admit it. So this keeps going on. Finally after what feels like forever, he and I are packing up all of the equipment and heading off to his car, Upon arriving at his car, we put everything into the trunk of his car. I turn around when he places his hands on my hips. "Thank you for coming and helping me film today." "I'm always happy to help you. No matter what it is." I say, wrapping my arms around his neck "But I could have done without the teasing." "I have no idea what you are talking about." He whispers, leaning in and pressing his lips to mine. I quickly return the kiss, moving my lips with his. He gently leans me back against his car, the kiss now becoming a bit more passionate. When he moves his lips down to my neck, another thing to say to him, pops into my head. "Chris." I mumble He hums in response, still pressing light kisses to my neck. "Twinkle, twinkle little star, we can do it in the car." I can feel him then begin to laugh against my neck, at my words. "You completely just killed the mood." He says, pulling away from me. "Oops," I say shrugging my shoulders "I was just trying to tell you something." He shakes his head "You're so weird, but I love you for it." "Well I love you too." "Let's just get home." He then goes and gets in the car, I follow getting in on my side. Upon arriving home, Chris sits down at his desk, putting his memory card into his computer. Uploading all the footage from today. I lean down and rap my arms around his neck from behind. "You know, I didn't mean to kill the mood so much earlier." "Didn't kill it too much." He says "I'm still up for anything." I roll my eyes, standing up "You would be" "So I take it that you don't want to do anything?" "I never said that." I am now sitting down on his bed, taking off my shoes, as he turns around in his chair. He then gets up from his chair and joins me on the bed. "In that case." He mumbles, pressing his lips to mine, which I quickly return. Soon he is laying me back on the bed, with him gently laying on top of me. My hands go up to his neck, pulling him in closer to me. The kiss only getting more passionate as time goes on. Just as he is about to pull off my top, the sound of the front door being opened and closed travels its way into the room. Which causes Chris to pull away from me. "Looks like we may actually have to do it in the car." I say in a joking manner. "Shut up." He says, crawling off of me "What? I was just stating a fact." I say sitting up He looks over me "I hate you." "No, you love me." "Shut up Y/N." "Fine." I say holding my hands up "Just trying to make you laugh." "You're being so annoying today." I sigh, and fall back onto the bed. "But I love you." "You better." The rest of the night is filled with stupid phrases exchanged between the two of us. Some coming from Chris, some coming from me. That's just how typical nights go with the two of us. Something that I have come to love. Im happy that I found someone who has the same sense of humor that I do. It sure makes having a relationship a whole lot easier.