#im consistantly bored so

[sproutzai]

WHAT YOU WROTE IS SO ADORABLE IM GONNA VRY I NEEDES THIS SO BAD

I still do but shhh

And ahh, of you need more, I can give you more lol

I'll take more anytime 🙌 my inbox is always open for thirsts concepts and things along those lines

[akascow]

being so tired all day bc i tried to stay up 24hrs to fix my sleep cycle amd now its time for like a normal human to go to bed and im not as tired anymore

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Alright, I just finished season 2 and I once again have thoughts but before that, I need to make a small correction to my previous post

This season didnt jump headfirst into serialization, I mustve misremembered and honestly, when I thought a little more about it, I dont think it ever tried to be consistantly serialized for atleast the first three seasons (after which I stopped watching). Like, this series is very faithful to its status quo which is pretty bad considering its a SLOW-BURN ROMANCE. Also, while I dont think it ever actually claimed to be Coming of Age, it is allegedly inspired by magical girl anime which have had Coming of Age elements since the genre's conception, but you cant have those if your main characters are all perpetually 14 so that kinda sucks.

Its so faithful to its status quo that all of the episodes end up having practically the same structure and there arent enough episodes that break it up so watching them all back to back makes it pretty hard to really distinguish them. I think the main thing preventing the show from getting boring as you watch it are the fight scenes which are pretty fun and inventive and, in season 2, the introduction of a bunch of new lore and heroes

Speaking of the new stuff, watching this series was kinda interesting because I felt like it was off to a bit of a rocky start and I got kinda worried because a lot of people hail it as the best season of the show so far and I was initially enjoying it a lot less than season 2 but then it did turn out to be pretty good and I liked the way they introduced the new lore and heroes and even Luca and Kagami, whom I was absolutely prepared to dislike. I think its because its all just setup but then I know that they're going to really fumble the payoff so I kinda tricked myself into thinking it was always bad when this season is actually pretty good.

Out of all the new stuff I think the Kwami Power-Ups were the worst. Its so blatantly toyetic in a way that feels really nonsensical and then they use them 2 and a half times and thats it, I dont even remember them ever being used in season 3but that might just be my shit memory

Im just going to restate that I think Master Fu is unecessary and that, between the Kwamis as their guides and the grimoire existing, our superheroes dont need a Wise Old Sage Mentor. Like, just make it so that the Miracle Box was in the possession of Marinettes family but they didnt know about the miraculous and then Marinette finds out but she only has the Ladybug (and maybe the fox and the bee) and all the other ones have been scattered all around Paris or even the world and then come up with some way for Adrien to get his hands on the cat miraculous idc

Luca was fine, hes a bit too bland and Manic Pixie Dreamgirl-ish for my taste except iirc he doesnt even end up advancing Marinettes character in any way, which is pretty much the only purpose a MPDG can serve, so like, what the point, but in this one season hes a good setup to become an actual character later on. Its a shame he never does, but still. I actually loved Kagami which is suprising because I mainly remembered her being kindof boring with some mildly offensive japanese stereotyping and fetishizing sprinkled on top, but shes pretty fun and likable. I love how awkward yet genuinely confident she is and I like the way she and Marinette interacted in Frozer, however briefly. I really liked Frozer in general, it was honestly really cute watching the four of them go on this litzle double date, I totally get all the polyshippers now, especially the Adrigaminette shippers. That being said, Kagami and Adrien really arent working for me as a couple so Im not looking forward to that

Alya, Chloe and Nino were fine as heroes its just that they dont really get any development (other than Chloe) and pretty much all they do is make the plotpoint where Ladybug and Cat Noir cant reveal their identities to each other pointless and nonsensical which is bad because thats the only reason the love square exists and the love square is like, the one Big Thing that this show has going for it. Alyas Rena Rouge suit is literally just Lilas suit down to the body being much slimmer so that sucks. On top of that, she and Queen Bee are unfortunately cursed with having to wear patterned skin tight latex suits with basically no other details because theyre girls in Miraculous Ladybug. I do really enjoy Queen Bees transformation sequence, it has so much personality and while I dont really like Chloe's civillian I do like that it has the same color scheme as her hero design almost like shes broadcasting the fact that shes Queen Bee without a care, even with clothes. Chloes arc was also really interesting and I liked the direction they went with her, i just wish her character development was more consistent because there were episodes where she seemed genuinely reformed even if she hasnt lost that Mean Girl exterior and then there were episodes where she just went back to being genuinely awful again. I dont have a lot to say about Nino except that I hate the hood and I hate his colorscheme. Theres a part in Heroes Day where they show the streets of paris from above while theyre parading these floaties of all the superheroes around and you can see how good Ladybug, Rena Rouge and Queen Bee look together with all of them having these warm main colors and Carapace just sticks out like a sore thumb, just put my man in a lighter more-yellowey shade of green Im begging you

One of the main reasons I was worried about season 2, beyond me mixing up stuff from season 3 with stuff from this season, was the way they handled Cat Noir. In the first season he was being playful and a little flirty with Ladybug but he had a similar playful attituide towards most of the people he interacted with and I guess the writers noticed that it didnt really come across as an actual crush on that part of the love square, so they made it a lot more blatant and made him come on to her much more strongly. Its clear to me that we're meant to symphatize with him when Ladybug rejects him but it seems that no one told the writers that unrequited love is only sad when they never voice their feelings to the person that doesnt love them back, when they keep making romantic gestures towards them even after an explicit rejection, thats just entitled, pathetic and cringe. It couldve been worse but season 1 was a bit better about it

I did like the Adrienette side of the love square far more this season though! Since they actually allowed Marinette to talk to him properly, Adriens personality got to come out more again and it felt like less of a shallow celebrity crush on her part. Its a realy shame that, instead of just continuing to go in this direction with the Love Square, they added Kagami and Luca as these pointless diversions. I think they could have worked, but maybe in a series that focused more on interpersonal relationships in general as opposed to just romantic ones or in a series that decided to get more wacky with it. Like, instead of there being The Love Square and then Luca for Marinette and Kagami for Adrien as Love Square Diversions you couldve had Marinette slowly form this deeper connection with Adrien while she also realizes how genuinely sweet and attentive Cat Noir could be but then Luca comes in and hes so interesting and cute but then Kagami is forward and confident like a realf life Ladybug and she starts to really admire her but oh, she never really noticed how much Alya always supported her and helped her grow....... and then do the same thing for Adrien. Like, go big or go home, GET WACKY WITH IT OR DONT GET WITH IT AT ALL

Hawkmoth is still really hard to take seriously, no surprise there. The moments where he cared about his son and even Nathalie in Heroes Day that were supposed to humanize him were fine, just kinda frustrating knowing that theyre gonna make him even more comically evil in the next few seasons and that its going to be inconsistant

Thats pretty much it. Pretty good overall, but hard to truly enjoy when you know whats coming

Thanks for reading ^^

[butchdykekondraki]

Babe. Babe.

Welcome Home. Tell me and Verna about it.

We're both fronting, saw it on your blog, became fixated. Tell us. Please.

It's so cool???

- Quackity 🎲

im about to have a category five autism moment

welcome home is a website art project with elements of puppets, retro tv shows and lost media it features a total of eight characters; >poppy, who is described as "“Perhaps the most frantic, frazzled, and feathered neighbor in Welcome Home, Poppy Partridge is the resident chicken so-to-speak. From a sprained beak to sunburnt feathers, she always thinks about the worst outcome of a pleasant situation. Then again, it never hurts to have a neighbor with a band aid on hand.”" she is a big bird esque character with multicoloured feathers and who lives in a colourful barn-style farmhouse

>wally who's excerpt reads "“Wally Darling is the friendliest neighbor in Welcome Home, perhaps even the best painter too. With a smile like his it’s hard to disagree! Always eager to make new friends and show them around the neighborhood, Wally is happy to lend a helping hand. But you knew that already, didn’t you?”" he is a yellow-skinned feller who is consistantly seen with a smile plastered on his face with tall, blue cinnamon roll shaped hair >eddie, who's short reads "“Reliable, kind, and ever determined, Eddie Dear is the best mailman Welcome Home has ever had, albeit the only one. Despite being a bit of a clumsy and forgetful fellow, Eddie loves his job and always manages to deliver everyone’s mail right on schedule.”" eddie has orange-yellow skin and is the most human looking of the characters despite his bright pink/red hair >howdy, who's description reads "“Howdy Pillar is Welcome Home’s friendliest and happiest shopkeeper! This colorful caterpillar knows his store like the back of his hands, which is impressive considering how many hands he has. Charismatic, quick-witted, and remarkably jolly, Howdy always seems to have whatever his neighbors need with a price that just can’t be beat!"" he is a catterpillar-esque human with red and yellow striped antennae sprouting from blue hair. he also has green skin and four arms which i think is neat :-) >barnaby, who's quote reads "“A goofy layabout with a love for jokes, Barnaby B. Beagle is Welcome Home’s funniest neighbor. Always ready with a joke on hand or even a silly observation, this big blue beagle always knows how to have fun, much to the dismay of some of the grumpier residents.”" he is a fat plush-like dog with colourful spots lining his body, multicoloured paw pads, a short nub tail, and two large ears that dangle on the side of his head >frank, who's detailing reads ""Arguably the smartest neighbor in Welcome Home, Frank Frankly is the resident bookworm with an expertise on butterflies. Despite being the grumpiest and greyest of this colorful cavalcade of neighbors, it’s good to have someone so organized and matter-of-fact amidst the bunch. After all, he enjoys being frank, even if it means being Frank, whatever that means! He is Julie’s best friend.”" he has grey skin, red cheeks, a yellow nose, and short black hair and is constantly frowning >julie, who's excerpt describes her as "“Undoubtedly the cheeriest neighbor a puppet could ask for, Julie Joyful is Welcome Home’s happiest resident. Amidst such a rainbow of brightly colored neighbors, that's really saying something! Upbeat, silly, and always ready to play with her friends, there’s never a boring day in Welcome Home while she’s around. She is Frank’s best friend.”" she has light-pink skin and blonde hair that consistantly changes how it looks and a small orange nose >sally, who's described as " “The most rambunctious resident in Welcome Home, Sally Starlet shines above the rest. She’s a fire-cracker who is willing to let her imagination run wild in the name of a new adventure, albeit at the occasional expense of her more cautious neighbors. Thankfully, she’s got a good head on her shoulders and perhaps, one could even say, a sunny disposition to match! “" she has two rows of sunray-like spikes and resembles the sun, with orange/yellow skin and a red nose. also her colour scheme is mostly warm and i think it's neat :-) that is like. about it lol. nightmind has a much better explanation ^_^

[ropes-and-rosemary]

bcus of being on T im so consistantly horny that ive started getting bored of jacking off sometimes... i need someone to come to my room a couple times a week and get me off. i feel like that might help, if it was less 1 sided? id want it to be pretty impersonal, like theyre doing a favor or something medically necessary or smthin.. maybe throw in some light deg, how im such a horny mutt i couldnt think even straight without their help, laughing at me getting embarassed because it's true

[magniloquent-raven]

tagged by @hargrove-billy ty 😊💕

icon: kali, because i love her. i got bored in the middle of the night a couple weeks ago & edited it myself asdfglsjsha

my content: A MESS lmao. the only thing i consistantly reblog is cute animals. a lot of harringrove/stranger things rn cuz ive been real into that for a WHILE now

letter colour: i took this quiz that's supposed to assign u a colour based on ur personality & i think mine was like.. sea green or something. anyway, that's the colour im using. thought it was cool, so

header: dont have one

url: it's a dumb inside joke with myself ok lol. magniloquent was the word of the day in my dictionary app & figured this wouldnt be taken. didnt feel like trying out a bunch of shit, so.

blog title: i think i used to have one but i do not remember what it was lol

tagging @bambixxblue @awkward-outsider @mirakcis if u guys wanna 💕💕

[catnippackets]

Im having an epiphany oh my gods I just had a realization and it took me two fucking years to get here but I finally did. 2016 dreamworks Voltron and fandom Voltron are two completely different shows. they literally are two completely different shows that started diverging after season 1 and that’s why we’re consistantly being disappointed with what dw does

I was sitting here feeling like I was going to throw up from the sheer force of my anger about...you know...certain recent situations...and I thought “yknow I probably should’ve seen this coming because the only reason I got into Voltron in the first place was because I saw fanart of it on my dash and fell in love with the characters from there.” When I first watched the show I was intrigued by the pretty art style but I thought the show itself was really boring and I only finished season 1 because I had nothing better to do. and then afterwards all the fanart I was seeing made sense and I just fell in love with the characters from there.

but I didn’t fall in love with the characters I thought I did......I fell in love with the fandom’s interpretations of the characters

Keith was gay and asian!! Lance was bi!! Pidge was trans!! Shiro adopted Keith and became an older brother figure to him!! and so many more things!! anything we wanted!! sure there were certain headcanons that drove me crazy but for the most part, the fandom did SO fucking well with these characters! I read fanfiction every day that characterized them in a way that made my heart sing! I fell in love with klance as a ship because the way people wrote them was so natural and good! I loved every single character and didn’t have a single one that I disliked because they were all just so interesting and fun in their own ways without being favoured over the others! my least favourites were only my least favourites by default because they just were all so. good. I don’t remember ever liking a show/movie before where I loved every single one of the characters.

that thing about vld being popular not because it's a good show but bc it has potential is so fucking true. season 1 was decent and we took that and turned it into something that we loved while it continued on in a different direction and we just never realized there was a difference and that’s why we continued to be disappointed every time a new season came out. we all fabricated a different world after season 1, and season 3 was an anomaly that aligned with my perception of the world so at that point it made me think that season 2 was the real anomaly but then season 4 happened and then 5 and then 6 and now 7 and I’m only NOW realizing that I never liked this show, I liked the fandom’s show.

Slav really was right there ARE multiple realities. there’s a reality where Allura is white and the animation is bad. there’s a reality where Lance looks like a weird cowboy and Pidge is a super nerd boy. there’s a reality where the writers queerbaited us with Shiro & Adam and told us they were just making up the plot as they went. and there’s a reality where Keith is gay and Lance is bi and Adam & Shiro get a happy ending where they both survive and klance is a healthy, canon, rivals to friends to lovers slowburn relationship and Pidge is a trans girl and Hunk has two moms and Keith & Shiro are brothers and Lotor is a diva and Haggar is the true most powerful villain and everything we want to happen happens because we’re the ones who’ve been writing our own version of the story for the past few years and living in its world while simultaneously thinking we’re living in another one the entire time.

don’t get me wrong, I’m still SO angry at them for queerbaiting us and treating certain characters like shit and making multple other characters OOC for no reason when we were all so invested and hopeful for this world, but realizing that their world and our world were never the same honestly made my chest feel immediately lighter. holy shit

we really made our own world and I never caught on

[somnilogical]

everyone assumes im a dom and wants to do boring power things and sets up the ecosystem to do that. analogous to the way they set up the gender ecosystem and i hate it and it makes me feel terrible.

just 👏 because 👏 im 👏 tall 👏 and 👏 sometimes 👏 stoic 👏 this 👏 does 👏 not 👏 mean 👏 i 👏 want 👏 to 👏 dom 👏 people

when i was younger and frustrated at this id be like "dont rely on trusting me i could give you poisoned advice or something" and people were like "oh yeah baby you are so edgy and dark and smart"

these simple structures people try and shove you into are a nightmare

i want to know how to unknot these things. i feel like saying "i dont want to take part in boring power structure play stop trying to have sex with me with your words" doesnt throw a wrench in the machine and will be processed with the same algorithm "yes that makes sense. im sorry if i hurt you. this is really clever of you master-sama."

maybe talking enough about patterns that keep happening even when you talk about them can help unknot things.

instead of........ the nightmare scenario....where at each time step you say stuff like "please dont refer to me as "master-sama" it makes me feel uncomfortable and is part of a larger pattern of simple things you do which i find boring" and the person response with a reply generated by the same algorithm.

and the complex is not unraveled and the matrix is not dissolved.

i want to undo the entire thing, let people see the entirety of the algorith all at once and in one strike rip off the veil and allow them to see how they can live consistantly without it. i want to be able to be able to give people a meaningful choice about being globally untangled. let them see a world where everything at once is different and allow them to choose between that world and the one they are in.

--

its not about categories its about being unable to move to a correct framework and have incorrect framework reinforced during attempt to pop people out while engaging my brains "i am doing sex" mode.

im probably more into domination submission sadism masochism than the average human.

im against hostile ""social categories"" entirely where doing things to leave the social gravity well leads to people repeatedly doubling down on enforcement to preserve the Structure at the cost of my agency.

the signature of stuff like this is like straight people insisting on narrativizing everything lesbians do as "just gals being pals" and trying to rewrite girls making out as just sisterly affection and then asking them when they are planing on getting married to men and insisting that her touching the arm of a man once is sure evidence that he is her future husband.

《people handing over burdensome thinking to black boxes labeled "Gives a Correct solution to your problem." when

(1) they didnt put the label on the box

(2) they dont grok how the box makes advice

(3) they gravitate towards acting Correctly and dont know why》

sometimes its to preserve a black box that they would feel lost without. cuz they dont know how to go off script and its scary so they violence other people so that they can have a familiar context so they can safely play out their drama.

[tumblunni]

Literally all i care about in nier automata is the machines.

Like every goddamn youtuber: you see its harder to relate to an expressionless robot compared to the humanoid androids..

Me: *consistantly finds the machines cute and sympathetic, finds the androids uncanny valley and grossly sexualized*

And seriously all the good parts of the plot are about the nature of machine sentience and stuff and all the best worldbuilding is the different friendly machine settlements. I couldnt give less of a shit about blah blah blah fuckin LITERAL ANDROIDS SOMEHOW NOT BELIEVING THAT ROBOTS CAN BE SENTIENT. Im fuckin bashing my head on the wall every time this plot point comes up! Like what the fuck, because theyre human SHAPED that somehow makes them different? Its laughable that theyre even called 'the machines', jesus. I suppose this must have made more sense in japanese where the word for android is literally 'artificial human' but still its just a humanoid name for a thing thats still equally robotic geez...

Oh and BIGGER GEEZ at the whole stupid thing of "killing and sex are the same thing and this is the true nature of humanity and the soul". And just all the really crass stupid sex nonsense that keeps getting more and more prominant in every yoko taro game. Literally the only thing he has above every other shitty sexist horndog is that he's at least honest and actually admits that he made a race of robots where EVERY WOMAN IS BIG BOOBIED AND WEARS SKIMPY CLOTHES AND HAS PERFECTLY PAINTED ROBO ASS is just because "im a fuckin sexist pervert man". Thats at least better than stuff like mgs where they try and claim stuff ~isnt really sexual~ and she just ~breathes through her skin~

Also what a damn waste that adam, eve, and even 2b are all wasted during the relatively short introduction route of the game, despite being heavily advertized before release. And how boring a2 is and how her design sucks and her personality is just a clone of every damn reoccurring rude asshole white haired horny lady taro puts in every damn game. And just fuckin Everyone Becomes Evil Now Because Moral Ambiguity Means Choosing Between 50 Different Bads. And then it just lasts way too long and feels like it barely even says anything in the end except the goddamn Machines Do Have Souls thing that everyone already knew at the start. Except delivered with So Much Damn Sex Metaphors and also making you hate everyone you once loved or else they fuckin die in the worst possible way. Also seriously why do you have to play through the same route twice with comparatively lesser changes before you even get to the main 2b dying and diverging routes thing? Is it deliberately meant to 'weed out casuals' or something??? And seriously why is the first route ending the best and most uplifting and least full of problematic shit and the one you endure so much shit to get to is just basically a clone of their first nier's ending...? (Tho framing it in a way where your sacrifice helps other players instead of just an in universe character = MMMYEAH THATS GOOD)

Anyway in summary fuck the protagonists (and not in the way taro wanted), i just want a story all about the machines chillin out in thier lil cute cities learning how to be alive and stuff

Srsly wtf is up with the 'machines are somehow less able to be human than human shaped machines' shit? Theyre 'not able to learn' and will 'just repeat the same mistakes' and every time they succeed in understanding emotion its Somehow Bad and causes shit like children committing suicide or religious bots murdering each other. And anyone like pascal who dares to have any damn hope and CLEARLY OBVIOUS SENTIENCE is just there to have a sad ending and die.

Just fuck the entire damn plot i dont CAAAARE how did you make the damn enemies the most human things at all and the fuckin human shaped robots be a horrible representation of a sexist douchebro's idea of 'true human nature'

Seriously i cannot exaggerate how much the "sex and violence are the same thing, its normal to get aroused by abusing people and want to abuse someone you love" plot point ruined the whole game for me. And how they try to justify it by saying something in the humanoid robots's programming 'works similar to human arousal hormones' as an incentive to enjoy war??? What the fuck, man.

*slaps taro's greedy lil pizza hands away from all sex things ever* u aint even know how to do fanservice on a normal non-unhealthy way so ur horny license is revoked

Also where is my machines spinoff. Where is my cute animal crossing game with mayor Pascal? :(

[thecooler]

k so river of fire spoilers incoming

i dont usually talk abbt the new wc books but this arc has been mostly fun, and tho i was dissapointed by darkest night, river of fire and shattered sky r among my favorite installments in the series and i rlly wanted to talk abbt stuff i liked in this one

- ive never got why ppl call twig and violet discount dove and ivy like. listen. i like those characters but theyre an absolute writing disaster like anything is a step up from OOTS writing. not only that but like.......... aside from being two sisters w an uneasy relationship theyre literally nothing alike

-twigbranch has one of the silliest names in the series- i def would have prefered twigheart, for her spirit and for alderheart, or twigstep, for her energy and eagerness to do the right thing, but it doesnt take away from her chacter so its more of a quip. not im about to make a controvercial statement: twigbranch is in the top three protags in the series, easily

- twigbranch is an interesting character to me and one warriors has been begging for for a while- that is, shes actually a god damn active player in her story. she doesnt sit around and hope stuff happens to her. the only protags we have that push destiny and take things into their own hands consistantly r firestar and hollyleaf, i’d argue, and now twigbranch. she isn;t satysfied to wait for answers- she goes out and figures it out and people......... call her annoying for that? i dont get it at all? like. listen, shes fucking right., they cant just sit on their asses and wait for things to unfold. its lazy writing and boring character development. OOTS dragged out for EONS because none of the protags were willing to push themselves outside their assigned role

- twigbranch can actually fucking communicate. like,. MY GOD. IT SHOULD NOT BE A RELIEF BUT IT IS. Sparkpelt isn’t teaching you at an appropriate level for ur experience? tell Bramblestar! you arent sure of your role in the clan? talk to alderheart! you’re worried that they arent paying attn to the prophecy? well god damn i guess twigbranch has to do it! 

- and on top of that she has a strong sense of herself and of optimism. twigbranch has lost a lot in her life, and continues to face doubt from her clanmates, but she KNOWS who she is and she has a sense of morality that she firmly believes in and acts on. dovewing had that optimism but never that sense of self- due to the poor writing in OOTS she meandered and never held a firm place in her own life or the narrative. 

- i also adore that twigbranch has????? friends???? shes friends w her sister, finleap, alderheart, lilyheart, ivypool. like dude its been a while ok. i know i have low standards for this series but GOODNESS. and when she keeps things to herself, like what happened at the moonpool, she does her best to fix her mistakes when they do blow up in her face, like putting her life on the line for softpaw after she refused to tell anyone about her vision for fear of being severely punished

- i love violetshine too! i would like her name if like. the canon reason fr it was for her ability to “fight thru the darkness” in ref to her part in helping free the clans of darktail, tho maybe violetlight would be better fr that. i like violettail too, for needletail ofc

- i rlly hope that the fact that she takes after needletail more than she seems to realize is like, intentional, because its rlly interesting. thru violetshine we get a sense of why needletail was the way she was. violetshine, like needletail, was neglected as a child, and as a result, seeks out emotional validation at any opportunity. she clings to tree because she perceives him as the only cat in her life who hasnt left her- much like needletail did with rain. she seeks that approval, and its smth i think could work if they expand upon it in the next book

- i like how, in contrast to twigbranch, violetshine has a firm, unwavering stance on where she belongs, but a very weak sense of self

- alderheart was a lil weak this book but i think hes a neat medicat character because hes legitimately not like. the best at it. he doesnt have that natural talent of jayfeather or leafpool or spottedleaf. he has a strong connection to starclan  but he has to try REAL hard at everything else and it was interesting to see him struggle w that and bond with jayfeather

- sleekwhisker is a fun villain because she’s completely unjustified but you can understand her train of thought. as seen with needletail and then violetshine, shadowclan, as it stood, was a rather bleak environment to grow up in, and there wasnt much emotional support. sleekwhisker blames rowanstar for being a weak leader, and while that isnt exactly fair, i can understand it. i hope we see more of her in the next book

- i was confused by ivypool’s reaction to dovewing tbh? like i thought shed come to terms w the idea that dovewing left to be with tigerheart but then ivypool gets all pissed when dovewing says shes joining shadowclan? like girl idk what u expected her js

- i feel so bad for leafstar and do NOT blame her at ALL for getting peeved that cats were treating her camp as a fun hangout rrather than yknow, a CLAN. 

- tree is another fun character and its good to see povs outside the clan taken seriously

- i dont mind briarlight dying. she lived a good life and died surrounded by cats who loved and cared for her, honored as one of thunderclan’s greatest warriors. it was one of the biggest tear-jerkers we’ve had in a while, too. tho tbh i wish a couple for thunderclan cats had gone down... esp since it was such a huge illness. i was confused that they ended a chapter with the big reveal that squirrelflight was badly ill and then......... she was fine like........... ok fdkdgnl. 

- the stuff w the kittypets deffo felt like padding but like. it wasnt as bad as darkest night at least. 

[teddy-feathers]

Ive got some issues and all I got was this stupid personality disorder label

Hurting myself isnt an answer.

Substituting physical for emotional pain doesn't work ive tried.

But half the time it seems like its the only way to prove things are tearing me up inside and it matters you know?

People dont take your pain seriosuly if youre not an active danger to yourself and others.

How ever since 2012 - we wont get into the shit in 2011/2010 - i have wrecked my car intentionally at least twice to get out of something,

I have cut my arm open and made up a ridiculous story that everyone bought (and still tell people because it is sort of funny and totally something 'I' would do) because it makes more sense then what really happend - I was trying to get out of a conversation i didnt want to have

I ran away to Pittsburg without a word to anyone because it was the first flight leaving that was going someplace that didn't make sense for me to go

I commited fraud - actually for the second time in my life though this time was much different and kinda a fluke - pulled all my cash, took a bua ride to virgina where I was on the street for two days before finding the homeles shelter

Didn't talk to anyone I knew for over a year with one exception that I dont want to get into

Agreed to come home to a place I didn't want to be, to go to school despite not wanting to because it was the 'right' thing to do

Stopped going to classes no matter how.hard I tried to force myself

While for a while i DID get a shrink I stopped going to see her too even though that did make every thing more bearable

I literally find it unsafe for me to drive because the urge to wreck is constant, with some minor urges to just drive away and never come back

I DID wreck my moms car because I was rushing because going to work is such a trial I will watch the time approach until its too late or almost to late before going despite WANTING to be there

Ive lost my job because I simple stopped going because I couldn't STAND them saying nice things about me when I felt like I was fucking all the things up

At my current job I sometimes do go hide in the bathroom to calm down, or have vauge out days where I'm not really there even though Im there.

Ive been really anxious when I do just about anything except when Im not and then I think I'm just psyching myself out for the attention - even though EVERYTHING in me says ANY attention is bad attention

I basically only want to sleep. Get up. Go to work. Come home. Sleep. Get up. Dinner time and or shower. Back to sleep.

Only i dont always just sleep sometimes i just lay there very much not present while I scroll through tumblr because its the only medium i dont actually have to focus on.

I dont read or write or doodle or play games or do much of anything because it makes me uncomfortable. I cant focus. Feel guilty. I should be doing xyz. Bored despite really wanting to do this.

I dont talk to my friends much and part of that is the schedule - im up at five so im usually going to bed when people are free or at work.

But honestly I can feel how much time I somehow lose or waste like a sweater thats shrunk in the wash.

I shower only once to twice a week which is about the time I finally notice im gross and realize I have to do something about it or people will care

I know some of my current issue is the season but this isnt a new thing or even a dramatic worsening of the state of affairs in my life.

This is the norm it just feels worse right now.

And that's kind of terrifying.

I have very casual disregard for my wellbeing

Im apathetic or angry or want to die...

I want to suffer in a way that's physical and people care about so I can feel valid and not broken

But i dont want help because nothing is wrong

Im being dramatic

And any attention is bad attention

Because i cant explain yes I'm suffering and this is hard for me why must you go out of your way to make it worse dad - without also feeling like oh I dont tell or show him how im hurting at all and when I do its not in a way that makes him take it seriously and never has he ever changed

And it's not just him though its hard to focus on not being upset at him because every thing I normally DONT deal with comes flooding up whenever something new happens

It's... How I don't need people to treat me like I'm glass. To be sympathetic or sad at me. But itd be nice to be able to call in because I'm too scared to go to work. Or leave early because I can't hold it together this long.

And its terrifying to know that maybe my brain just doesn't handle stress well enough to work a full eight hour shift, or five days straight of work. That it takes a full day to recover from stress and during that time Im basically useless and not going to do much in the way of chores or what not.

And though I will on the second there's also a chance the doldrums will set in and going to work will feel like an impossibility the next day.

I'm not making enough money working what I am. I cant afford to cut back.

Just like I can't afford surviving another car wreck.

Just like going to a mental institute or a hospital because I cut my arm open or stabed myself in the leg or a dozen other things or just decided to draw red lines on my arm with a paring knife because even though it doesnt help it might make me feel like my pain is real even though doing it would instantly invalidate it because its for attention that I dont want not only wouldnt help but would make my life worse.

Im just. Sick of my own bullshit. And even if I could find another shrink I like, I couldnt garentee Id keeping going - hell I dont want to go right now even though I want to - and I sure as hell couldn't afford it.

Im tired of being a burden.

I dont want to be here - I shouldnt be here - and laziness and avoidance of conflict is the only reason I havent worked on going anywhere else.

I do bad on my own. Emotionally and in the taking care of myself department. But I also cant say I'm reliable for any stretch of time. Short bursts yes but not consistantly cause brain likes to avoid and run and panic and fall apart. So it also seems pointless to plan to go anywhere because I'll fuck myself over before too long.

I'm just not okay.

And I'm tired of not being okay.

And I'm upset and emotional and maybe just maybe

If i write enough of this down Ill drown it out in the senseless rambling of my own thoughts.

[threecheersforsweetrevenge]

im not really well known on here 4 playing bass but its actually something i take super seriously, so i kinda wanna just give out some tips to beginners.

-practice EVERYDAY. It doesnt matter how long. Preferably at least 30 minutes, but I understand some days are too busy and too draining. But on those days AT LEAST try to do something. I usually try to get through finger exercises at the least when i'm super not feeling it.

-speaking of finger exercises. YOU NEED TO DO THEM. They can be boring but they're VITAL. If you're going ro bass from guitar you're gonna be super frustrated that you can't hit the frets. Bass is so much harder physically to play than guitar, especially if your bass isn't full scale. You're gonna need to practice finger exercises. At first, I recommend playing rhem up the neck and then working your way down bc, again especially if u have a full scale base, the space between the frets can be daunting. Please do them. It benefits you so much. If you do rhem once a day you're gonna be able to play harder music so much easier. If you don't know any, you can message me if you want and i'll send you the ones I play. Your pinky is gonna struggle to be able to play notes without them, i guarentee.

-ok this is based off the previous tip but WORK ON STRENGTHENING YOUR PINKY. I know you're not gonna wanna use it, trust me I know. I used to go to great lengths to avoid using it. But you NEED IT. Its hard, my pinky is still weak as hell but its way stronger than it was before now that i've regularly been practicing my finger exercises

-when you do finger exercises PLAY SLOW. Even for the easy ones. take the time to think about what mistakes your making. Examples of things to check: thumb position, hand position, whether you're using the tip of your finger, etc. You can't improve without recognizing and fixing these mistakes.

-playing slow in general is good. If you can't get a riff down, don't play it a million times on tempo and get frustrated. Slow down and learn it, and gradually pick up speed. I still need to work on taking things slower. If you learn this habit early on it will benefit you in the long run

-You're probably gonna wanna pick at first, unless you're going from stand up to bass guitar. But I recommend you try to finger pluck. It IS hard at first but it really doesn't take that long to get a hang of it. Even if you don't end up liking it, it's still good to try it out. I thought i'd NEVER finger pluck but now I actually prefer it, even to the point that i get annoyed when i have to find a pick to play guitar music

-tab is great. It makes it easier to learn guitar. However, if you wanna take bass super seriously, like try to make a profession out of it, i recommend you learn how to read sheet music. It does take a bit to get a hang of it, but it's definitely beneficial. If you know how to read sheet music, you're gonna look more professional. People don't usually expect guitarists to be able to read it.

-if you're having trouble with consistantly practicing I recommend joining your school band. It ensures you practice almost every day. It's also super fun and you get more experience. Also, playing with others in generial is SUPER helpful

that's all i got for now but i just kinda wanted to share my knowledge bc i think ive picked up on quite a bit.