#im honest and realistic with the fact that yes it is an addiction

[tenrose]

Since I finally read at a higher rate with regularity, I'm really pissed that the thing getting between me and my books is my job but also I need that job to buy books, and you know food and pay bills but whatever

[glowgettermomma]

Stronger than stigma

How often have you been asked, who are you or what do you aspire to become? Or how about the all-time classic, where do you see yourself in five or ten years from now? Now how many of you all envisioned the same big picture yet somehow, deep down inside, there is still a little something missing. I for one, will be the first to admit that through all of my ups and downs of life, I’ve finally discovered a spiritual part of me that I never would have expected to find. A part of me that has woken up my inner goddess and who is ready to let her light shine. I’ve found my love and passion for sharing my voice by writing and spreading positive vibes with all of the wonderfully empowering women in my tribe.

Now ask yourself this. (And when you do, allow yourself to not only challenge your mind but your heart too).

Am I this woman?

Are you that woman silently nodding your head because you can relate to what you’re reading? Are you quietly yelling at yourself because deep down inside you know that you feel the exact same way.

Well, if that’s the case, then you’ve got an incredibly empowering journey ahead of yourself. The only challenge is being able to challenge yourself to find what that missing piece of you is. And once you discover that missing piece, great things will start to happen. And rest assured, that once they do, there is no turning back. WE are going to be those women who will finally make OUR own dreams come true. And WE are going to be those women who won’t be afraid to let the world know who we are. Because as woman, not only are we capable of doing all of these things but we will do it with pride, joy and with absolutely no stigmas or labels attached to our name.

Today we will strip ourselves free of all of those labels and stigmas that have stopped us from blooming, and we will become the voice who will teach females of all ages how to bloom freely and blow our own damn minds away. We will do it with a fearless attitude, determination in our voice, and with absolutely no judgement behind us. It’s about the hustle and bustle ladies and now is the time to do our own damn thing at our own damn pace. And why you ask? Because it’s just about that damn time.

So now I ask you this. Who are you? And don’t worry, you don’t need to answer this one right away. Because while you’ll probably need a second or two to find the answer, it took me almost an entire year. A year of self-challenges, self-love and lots of self-care.

Who am I?

Well, to start, I decided to begin this journey by digging deep and searching for that little girl who used to dream big and send wishes to the nights sky. And once I was able to find that little girl, I allowed myself to remind that teenage girl, who once loved to day dream, to keep on dreaming because her dreams would create such an empowering woman one day. A woman who has learned to take any stigma and any label attached to her name and push them away for good. A woman who is finally not afraid to shine.

It’s time to re-bloom ladies. So why not do it together because I promise you, that once we do, we will all be holding hands shouting out loud to the world, that from this day forward, our future is stigma free.

And to all those bad-vibe-goody-two-shoes who only strive to put you down, let them. Dare them. And sit back and watch as you blow their minds away. Challenge them to challenge you as you now face the new and improved you. The you that you know will become a god damn rock star. The you that is capable and ready to show the world what you are made out of. Ladies its time to throw those damn punches and roll with them at your own damn pace. And don’t you ever let anyone take that power away from you because it’s yours and you’ve earned it. And now, you will finally OWN it.

So how exactly does one live stigma free?

Well, there’s no one right answer, but rather, many great ones.

What and how you choose to do for yourself will be the stepping stone to living a happy and healthy life. Choosing how to react to certain situations will help you push past the stigmas and make a name for yourself. But it all starts with one person, you.

So? Where should you start?

No wait, scratch that and let’s rephrase.

Where should you start How should you start?

Start by asking yourself, who are you? What are your strengths? What inspires you? What drives you? What are your dreams? And build on from there. Then once you’ve gotten to know yourself all over again, tell yourself three positive affirmations and allow yourself to believe in them. Manifest positivity in your life and then keep on repeating. (Do this every single day and you will see how life changing a single positive thought can be).

The idea is to start from the beginning and simply get to know yourself all over again. I know, it sounds kind of silly but think of this as a first date. Except, you’re not meeting anyone on this date, your simply dating yourself.

It’s about pushing past the bullshit no matter what struggles you’ve faced and it’s about taking the old you and allowing yourself to truly see what you can offer the universe rather than what the universe can offer to you. It’s about taking your name and owning it the way all women were meant to do in the first place. But most importantly, it’s about waking up feeling happy and loving the you that faces you in the mirror. And sure you’ll say to yourself, done, easy, no problem. Truth-it’s going to be the hardest most difficult task you’ll ever have to accomplish for yourself. And that task will be impossible to do unless you can honestly say that you truly and unconditionally love yourself.

I love myself.

I love myself.

I love myself? (Yes it always starts as a question before it becomes an affirmation).

When I first asked myself if I did love myself, I came up with all the reasons why life was good.

Not great. Just good.

And to be quite honest, I was so skeptical about this idea of falling in love with myself that I just allowed myself to believe that I was.

But in truth, I wasn’t. Not even a little bit.

And when I started to really take time to focus on my mind and my heart, each day, a little more of me started to shine. And while the journey leading up to this new revelation wasn’t as easy as I anticipated, it was so incredibly empowering. In fact, not only was it empowering, it was absolutely necessary.

If there one thing that I have recently come to learn about myself, it’s that, it’s okay to not be okay. And although this phrase can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different women, it all comes down to the same thing, YOU. How you choose to deal with life and its struggles and what you choose to do to make you become a happier you, will be the beginning of the new and transformed you. And that goddess, will liberate you in all aspects of your life.

It is so important that we remind ourselves of how awesome we truly are because these words alone can potentially change and save a life. YOURS.

Self-Love or self-care? Please do explain this new phenomenon.

As women, we are always running around constantly trying to keep up with our busy schedules and lifestyles. And often times, we forget to take care of ourselves. We tend to neglect our mental and spiritual health and ignore that little neon sign with the words ‘self-care’ flashing over our heads.

Self-care. My new favourite happy word. Ladies, if you will, please allow me the honor to introduce to you, my latest and most exciting new relationship in my life; a relationship with myself. The reason why I now wake up feeling empowered, positive, and happy.

Many can question what self-care really means. But before you can self-care you need to stop and self-love. And it’s as clear as water. You need to start loving yourself no matter where you are in your life.

Stop.

Take a deep breathe.

And love the crap out of yourself.

Once you do that, taking care of yourself will become so easy and instantly a part of your daily routine. In fact, you’ll become so addicted to this new part of our life that you’ll notice it right away if you haven’t stopped to take care of yourself.

It will be at that moment, when you realize the importance of you in your life.

So are you ready to date yourself?

Alright, so now I’m dating myself, sounds kind of strange.

[laughing out loud]

Sure, from a literal point of view, saying those words does sound kind of strange but try listening beyond the words ‘dating myself’ and it’ll all make sense.

In fact, let me simplify it for you right now.

Dating yourself means putting yourself first.

That’s it?

Yup! That’s it!

And I know what you’re thinking. Yeah right! No way! Im-freakin-possible.

How about saying, you’re right! Yes way! And it’s really freaking possible instead.

Putting yourself first isn’t as easy as putting yourself last and as women, we all know how easy it is to neglect ourselves for the sake of other more important priorities. But realistically speaking, the only way that you can put yourself last is if you actually stop caring and loving yourself. And we all know that as woman, mothers, sisters, and any female force in this world, we are simply not programmed to do that. Loving is what we do best. However, for many, myself included, it can and it does happen. Somewhere at some point, we just stop caring for ourselves. We are only human and as humans we live with such high and unrealistic exceptions, and especially for ourselves that putting ourself down or last in line sort of becomes the new ‘normal’. But we can change all of that. We can take this new normal and make it yesterday’s old news.

Ladies, from this day forward, stop, wake up and put yourself first. Drink that cup of hot coffee. Take that long deserving hot shower and girl, put on your makeup and get your behind out there and soak in five minutes of you-time. You’re soul will truly appreciate it. And so will you.

Okay, I get it. Me first. But why? Isn’t that selfish?

Heck no! The second you decide to choose yourself over and above everything else in your life (without neglecting or forgetting what truly is important to you) is the moment where you begin transforming into the newer, better and stronger version of you. Choosing yourself first does not mean you’re neglecting your priorities. It does not mean that you are selfish and it sure as hell does not mean that you get to do this and then feel guilty about it.

Choosing you is allowing yourself to be truly happy which in turn, will make you’re tribe happy. Note to self; your vibe attracts your tribe.

Let today be is the first day where you finally wake up and decide to do something for yourself.

Accepting you as you and only you.

Alright, so I’ve decided that today I’m going to put myself first, but now where do I go from here?

Well, a small yet incredibly powerful but simple task is what will be your starting point, a little simple something called, breathing.

Once, twice, three times or maybe even four. But you do it and you do it with all the right intention in your soul. Manifest positive intention in your soul and allow your vibe to attract what your true being really needs. And I’m not just talking about drinking a glass of water, I’m talking about truly feeding your soul with the right amount of love and light.

And peacefulness.

Sounds kind of iffy, I know. But I kid you not, there is something so incredibly fascinating about taking the time to stop and watch as your life begins to re-bloom right before your eyes. So many great things can come out of just one simple breathe.

Alright so I took a deep breathe, I’m not sure what to expect next?

Expectations are what will fail you from the get go. And when it comes to breathing, and I’m talking about actual five minute a day deep breathing, it’s not as simple as a simple deep breathe. So stop looking for the answer. Let the answer come to you.

Deep breathing is a method that actually needs to be taught and learned.

It took me over 7 weeks to be able to allow my thoughts to calm down while allowing my body to accept my deep breaths. Two years later, meditation has become to saving grace and what’s even more amazing, is that my two and five year old daughters enjoy this peace out time too. It’s now become part of our family bedtime routine.

Deep breathing? Isn’t that in from your nose and out from your mouth?

Sure, if you need to describe that in writing then you’re absolutely correct. However, from a spiritual and physical point of view, it’s more then just those two easy simple steps.

It’s a mater of allowing your body to accept and receive that breath and exhaling it back to the universe when you no longer need it.

It’s about letting your mind pause for a second so that your world can be at peace even if it’s for a split second.

It’s about stopping at a red light and rather then thinking about your to-do list, close your eyes for those few seconds and just breathe.

It’s really all about taking the time to do you by taking care of yourself.

Now while it’s really not that simple of a task, don’t give up. Allow yourself the challenge of teaching yourself how to take care of yourself and to your fullest capacity. It won’t be easy but once you find the ability to do it, you won’t ever want to stop.

Now why is it so essential that you stop and take a breather from time to time. Well, it’s because we too need to stop and ask ourselves, hey girl, how the heck are you today? Have you stopped to drink some water? Have you stopped to express yourself today? Have you stopped and looked around and smiled because you are alive and healthy and well, let’s be damn straight about it, you’re you and you’re pretty freaking awesome.

When was the last time when you stopped to ask yourself how you were truly feeling? Really think about this. I bet your answer is the same as mine was when I first asked myself this exact question.

I don’t know how I feel. That’s what I told myself. And I felt so damn shitty about the fact that I couldn’t even answer my own question that it put me in such a downward spiral that I checked out emotionally in almost all aspects of my life.

And once this happens, it’s very difficult to get yourself back up no matter how much you try. But you can. And you will. Because I did and I’m telling you, so will you.

And this is exactly why we need to breathe. Breathing allows us to stop and appreciate the life that was given to us. The life we deserve to live. And teaching yourself to take some time every day to just stop, disconnect and connect with yourself, will allow you to be whole again.

Interesting. I never thought of it that way.

But now that I’ve tried this technique, Im completely drawn to it. How do I keep up and not get lazy and lose sight of myself again?

It’s actually very simple. Upon waking up in the morning or right before you go to bed, take three deep breaths, tell yourself one positive affirmation and then just breathe.

Trust me when I say that you will actually sense a difference in how your day starts or your night ends and it all begins with stealing a few silent moments for yourself.

Now breathing alone may not be enough to find that little peaceful moment. And thats perfectly okay. What works for me may not work for you and that’s when you keep moving forward and finding that one thing that feeds your soul.

Another self-care method is journaling right before bed, during a new moon or a full moon. Write down your thoughts and keep writing until your words just stop coming to you. Once you’re done, close your journal, take a few good deep breaths and allow yourself a good nights sleep. It’s all about the release and letting things go.

Oh and FYI; there are plenty of amazing apps out there that can help you meditate and calm your breathe and they really do work. My two favourites are Calm and Pacifica. (And they’re free).

But now the real question still remains, and you won’t believe how easy it’ll be to answer that question once you’ve mastered the ability to grab control of your own life. One single breathe at a time.

What will you do with your life now that you’ve re-bloomed into this amazing and incredibly strong woman despite the ‘labels’ attached to it?

Will you stop yourself from being successful because someone decided a woman with anxiety or depression can’t do it.

Will you allow someone to tell you how to live your life because you’re just too darn sad. Or will you grab life by its chains and break free?

So many questions, such little time.

Wrong.

So many questions, lots of time to breathe through every single one of them.

Having to answer all of these questions can be quite overwhelming but allowing yourself the time to think about them isn’t. Each second you allow yourself the time to think about how to make yourself a better person is you getting closer to finally discovering who that woman you face everyday in that mirror really is.

And yes, I’m talking to you about you. The you that has been hidden somewhere inside of you and who is finally ready to make an appearance. LET. HER. OUT!!!

And I promise you, the second that you do, you will finally be ridding yourself of all the ‘stigmas’ and ‘labels’ that have been somehow glued to your being and you will finally become at peace with yourself no matter how long it’s taken you to find this newer better version of yourself.

You will learn to embrace your struggles because they are what have helped you become the strong woman that you are today. You will thank your battles, for they have taught you that you are a warrior. And you will accept your inner demons, because they will become your little constant reminders that you are a survivor and that you can do anything you want.

And keep reminding yourself, because life will happen and shit will get in the way, that no matter what comes your way, you can overcome it because it’s really okay to not be okay. And I absolutely love this saying because it holds so much truth for so many people. So go ahead and be sad and heck, why not let yourself cry it out from time to time. I know I do, and it feels so liberating to be able to do so and not allow anyone to judge me for simply feeling.

So go ahead ladies, FEEL THOSE DAMN EMOTIONS!!

Allow yourself to feel and experience all of those crazy forbidden emotions and then when you do decide to let them out, allow happiness to creep right in. It will boggle your mind when you begin to feel all those other amazing feelings and then out of nowhere, all of those other amazing things will start to happen and that’s when you will shine. It won’t be an easy or quick process, but let me tell you ladies, from personal experience, it’s going to be so invigorating and so liberating but most importantly, so fucking empowering.

To know that you have the power to break through those chains and see the light is what will make you a freaking awesome woman. And no stigma or label will stop you from accomplishing and doing what it is that your heart desires. Anxiety, depression, sadness, anger, BRING IT ON! I dare you to face me in the eyes and try and destroy my hopes and dreams. Because they sure as heck won’t. Ladies, it’s okay to not be okay and I am so freaking okay with that.

Don’t let the pain or fear of the unknown stop you from making your dreams come true. Don’t let the stigmas and labels own you. Don’t allow the outside world to crush your dreams, because without those dreams we have nothing to look forward to. We have nothing to excite us. And we have no vision for what we truly want for ourselves.

Those days of I’m sorry you can’t because… are over. It doesn’t mater what medical condition you have, or if you suffer from a mental illness, or if you’re an overworked and tired mom, what matters is how you chose to let all that affect your personal and professional life.

What centres us is knowing that we can stand up and speak up, we can whisper and cry alone and we can shout it out for the entire world to hear.

It’s okay to not be okay ladies and that is okay with me. Because in the end, we are all stronger then stigma and our future as women is finally stigma free one single breathe at a time.