#im meeting my school friends here then we'll go shopping

[nylwnder]

i remember you

a/n: this is literally my meet cute with rasmus. it will happen. don’t try and change my mind. hope y’all enjoy this sweet fic besties!

pairing: rasmus sandin x fem!reader

warnings: complete fluff, might give you butterflies too lmao

word count: 1.2k

taglist: @11livpangburn , @bb-nhlqueen7 , @swedishprince88 , @callsignlunar , @boqvistsbabe , @savoies , @stars-canucks , @drei-mrssvechii , @ilyasorokinn , @spine-buster , @melissasturges90 , @themotogirl , @thenhlhastakenovermylife

series masterpost

“and… here you go” you sweetly say as you pass the cup of coffee to what seems like the millionth customer you’ve dealt with today.

you don’t mind your barista job at one of toronto’s popular coffee shops, but at the same time you have other great goals you want to achieve in your career after college. you just can’t wait to get to that point in your life.

as that should be the last customer for today, you begin cleaning up the station while your co-worker and friend martha sits up on the counter. amid closing up, the two of you were talking about school up until martha mentions if you’ve rounded up any possible dates yet. for context, there was a goal that the two of you set together: that “we won’t be afraid anymore to get ourselves out there. we’re going to fall in love and that boy will fall in love with us back.”

“not yet. i mean there’s a cute guy in my b-.” you were cut off by someone walking into the shop. he had a burgundy suit on, his phone and a keycard in his hand and his hair was slicked back except for a strand that fell forward and laid against his forehead. his blue eyes met yours before he took his airpods off. “hi, could i get an iced latte? whole milk is fine.” he asked, giving you a genuine smile, not just some half-ass one like everyone else does.

you stood there, a cloth in your hand just staring. martha kicked the back of your legs to wake you up. “um-yeah-uh- just give me a minute.” you said as you scurried to go get all the things you were technically putting away. essentially the coffee shop was closed by now, but clearly martha sat and began talking to you instead of closing the door and turning off the open sign like she should’ve.

“we were just about to close so you came on time!” martha says to him as she acts like she’s cleaning the counter. “oh im sorry! i hope i’m not being a bother-” the boy began to say but martha cut him off “oh you’re no bother! don’t worry, we'll take good care of you!”

‘oh god he’s pretty and nice’ you thought!!!!!!

“ah- here you go!” you said as you handed him his order. “perfect thank you! i really hope i wasn’t a bother.” he says as he grabs the cup softly out of your hands, the tip of his fingers grazing your own.

“no bother! really, no bother at all! have a great rest of your day!!” you say, smiling like a dork. he smiled back, giving the two of you a sweet look before he left.

“oh my god martha i swear-” you whine turning to her and fanning yourself with a cloth. “see that’s why sometimes there’s a good reason for not closing up immediately” she says pointing at the door before she gets up to finally close it.

“he’s cute!! let’s hope he comes back cause he was giving you some real nice looks!!!” martha exclaimes.

—

you were heading to martha’s place after your classes ended for the day. just making one quick detour to pi co. to go get a pizza for dinner. as you were walking, a random old man in some rush pushed your elbow making you lose your balance and drop the pizza in your hand. well you had thought you had dropped the pizza, but some familiar pair of blue eyes met yours as he held the box in his hands. yup, thats right, the cute boy who wanted an ice whole milk latte after closing time a couple days ago.

“your pizza!” he said, handing it to you. “thanks for not letting it get crushed” you say, grabbing it from him and shooting him a smile. you turned around to see the man continuing to push other people in his way, “what a dick!!” the boy ranted. “tell me about it, if i’m sure i think my friend martha fell victim to him last week.” you replied, turning back to the boy.

he shook his head, not liking the thought of this man getting away of doing such a indicent thing. then the boy looked at you again, “oh yeah, i remember you! you're the girl who made me a pretty damn good latte.” he said.

“yeah that’s me!” you agreed, maybe blushing just a bit that he cared to remember you. “i was just about to head over there and get another one”

“oh i don’t work on tuesdays! i have school so i only work mondays, thursdays and sundays!” you explained, the boy nodded.

“well then i’ll see you thursday!” he said, tapping you pizza box before walking away. “oh wait, my names rasmus!”

“y/n!” you replied, he smiled nodding before turning to continue to walk away.

—

you’d then proceed to see rasmus every day you were working. sometimes he’d stay, chat with you a bit between customers. other days he’d give you a big thank you before rushing out with another one of his suits. you’d later find out he was an athlete, specifically a hockey player for the maple leafs. though it was funny because the scotiabank arena wasn’t necessarily that close by from where the coffee shop is. ‘no wonder he’d have to run to his car sometimes’ you thought.

that didn’t stop the two of you from forming a connection. sandy took you on your first proper date. he picked you up and he was even standing outside, leaning on his car in a special suit you hadn’t seen him in before. he twirled you around to see “all of that pretty dress of yours”. from then, there were many more dates to come.

everytime you were with him, you were blushing massively. he’d compliment you all the time. tell you jokes till your stomach hurt. he was nothing short than a spark in your life and you’ve never quite experienced such a lovely feeling like the one he makes you feel everyday.

“i think about you a lot, you know. you’re like all i think about actually.” you admitted, as the two of you laid down beside each other on the cool grass. he chuckled, grabbing your hand to draw shapes on your skin with his fingers.

“but i’m nothing special” you joked, he playfully hit your arm. “do not say that. you’re very fucking special to me.” he said, turning his head to look at you. you smiled, “i know i just wanted to hear you say that” you giggled.

“the moon knows,” sandy spoke, a couple of minutes later. you looked up at the big circular shape that was drawing light on the two of you. “knows what?” you asked, turning to look at sandy. “knows that we’re in love.”

the two of you have never said the words yet, it’s only been a couple of months since you became official. though you’ve obviously always implied your love in everything that you’ve done for him, and he’s done the exact same.

“the moon knows how madly in love i am with you.”

his heart warms at how your eyes crinkle with your smile. you pull him in for a kiss, mumbling that you love him too against his lips.

“say it again?” you ask after, tugging at the small strands of hair at the back of his neck. “i. love. you.” he kisses your nose before he pulls you into another sweet kiss.

now you have no idea what your future will bring, but you do know that right now you’re so happy. like really blissfully happy. and this feeling of butterflies in your stomach, is all you need right now.

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[thou-crusty-batch-of-nature]

The rise and fall of our love

part one | part two

playlist: broken by jake bugg

no.1 party anthem by arctic monkeys

pairing: james x reader, james x lily 

warnings: language, angst, fluff 

A/N: sooo im back with part two!!! thank you for the fantastic feedback and appreciation you gave me on the first part, and i hope this lives up to your expectations!!!! sending all the love xoxo

masterlist

(moodboard made by me)

"How is he?" 

"Y/N…" Remus began, putting down his quill. Your gaze never left the essay in front of him, refusing to see the pity that his stare held. Because that - that glint in his eyes, the way the right corner of his mouth lifted in a poor attempt of a smile - that was pity. 

You shook your head softly. How did it get here? 

"Am I not allowed to know? He won't speak to me or look at me. I almost feel guilty even though I know I haven't done anything wrong." 

"James is…"

"A fool." 

You knew he was trying not to smile. "Yes, that is the obvious answer. But he is still with Lily." 

Of course he is. What he said that day - or rather what he smelt - has been the talk of the school for weeks. People were staring at you in the halls, pointing behind your back - so much that you stopped hanging out anywhere else besides your dorm and the library. 

And James - he never bothered to say anything to you. It hurt more than you expected to, but you didn't let it show. I am fine, you said every time one of your friends asked. Then, you would smile kindly and change the subject. You would see them exchange worried glances - you pretended you didn't notice. Soon they stopped asking, and you stopped pretending. 

"Do they love each other?" Something in your pathetic heart broke at the quiver in your voice. Love.

Love. Never in your life have you heard a more overrated word. So much loss, so much damage made for love. Was it really worth it? The way your stomach dropped and the slight tremble of your lip, the ache that would just not go away - were these the cost of love? 

You lifted your head, meeting his gaze. He watched you in awe - as if he read the truth in your eyes. You felt the tears roll on your cheeks, hitting the parchments sprawled on your desk. You let them fall. He opened his mouth, then closed it. 

"I understand." you whispered. 

You got up, but Remus caught your hand. 

"Do you…?" 

You smiled softly. "Does it matter anymore?" 

He let go of your hand and you walked away. 

×××

"Hogsmeade, today?" Sirius asked as he plopped down next to you. He took a big bite of your sandwich - and noticing your icy glare, he put his hand over your shoulder and pressed a sloppy kiss on your cheek. You pushed him off you and wiped your face. 

"Bloody hell! You even kiss like a dog!" you retorted. 

"No, I don't." 

"No, he doesn't." Marlene smirked and you rolled your eyes. 

"Hogsmeade, you were saying?" 

"Yes - Remus and Lily are busy with their important top-secret prefect duties and James has quidditch practice, so it'll be just us. I guess you don't mind third-wheeling for a bit." 

"Can't wait!" you feigned excitement. 

×××

It was freezing, to say the least. You were glad you had two pairs of socks on, otherwise you might have had to postpone the trip and pay a visit to the hospital wing instead. 

"I don't sound like that!" Sirius whined, handing you and Marlene your butterbeer - you've decided to stop at The Three Broomsticks. 

"Of course you do, darling. And may I add that you look ravishing." you purred in your best impression of Sirius' voice. Then, you turned to Marlene and winked. "You are the most gorgeous person in here."

"Careful, that's not true." a voice caught your attention. No, no no no.

"Oi - Prongs, mate! Thought you had quidditch practice!" Sirius clapped him on the shoulder. 

"Got cancelled because of the snow. Hello." he nodded and smiled towards you and Marlene, then pulled a chair at the table. It was the first time he's talked to you in weeks. 

You didn't bother to answer. In fact, you didn't even look at him. The rest of your stay at the pub passed in a haze, with careless answers and quick nods. 

×××

Before you knew it, you were left on a bench with James, waiting for the others to "buy some quills from Scrivenshaft's Quill Shop", as they were in big need of "quills" and "didn't have any left to write the Transfiguration essay we had due Wednesday". Oh, if only you had Transfiguration on Wednesdays! 

"So… how have you been?" James trailed off, rubbing his neck. Ah, so that's how he wanted to play this game.Too bad. 

"Why, James?" you ask, gazing at the shops in front of you. "Why did you ignore me? What happened that day?" 

He sighed. "I don't know. I- I made a mistake. You shouldn't have found out, not like that." 

"You have some guts, don't you?" you spat. 

"Excuse me?" You faced him. That face - the face you dreamt about, the one you kept telling yourself you hated - you missed that face, you missed him so much that you were glad you were sitting down, for you might as well have fallen to your knees. 

"Do you know how it is," you started, feeling the tears pooling in your eyes, "to feel so alone that you find yourself crying without a reason? Do you know how it feels to spend your nights wondering why you weren't enough - what you did to deserve this? Even if you did nothing wrong?"

"Do you know how it's like to watch the person you love drift away from you? To watch that person become a stranger? Do you know how it felt to know that you wouldn't even look at me?" You were now shouting. "Tell me, James! Look me in the eyes and tell me!" 

Silence. You watched him trying to find an answer and you silently begged him to say something. 

"Do you love me?" he whispered incredulously. Not that. 

"Would it change anything if I said I do?" 

"I don't know."

"Do you still love her?" You couldn't say her name. 

"I don't know." He let his head fall in his hands. For the first time in weeks, you laughed. You laughed until your vision went blurry, until you felt the salty taste of your tears. 

"You know nothing, James Potter." you sneered, then got up. 

You made your way back to the castle alone. 

×××

"Guys guys I have the most amazing idea." Sirius came rushing in the Great Hall, managing to trip and almost fall. He quickly regained his composure and continued running as if nothing had happened. 

"That's new." Remus said while reading the prophet. 

It's been weeks since that night in Hogsmeade, weeks in which you've avoided James at all costs, despite his numerous attempts at conversation. 

"I'll choose to ignore that." Sirius glared at his friend, then continued. "Don't you all want to go for a dip?" 

"I think I speak for all of us when I say that I do not intend to die in the freezing lake on a lovely day of winter." You scowl, munching on your pastries. You loved pastries. (mood) 

Sirius smirked. "I'm glad you are all so joyous so early in the morning, but for your knowledge, I wasn't talking about the lake. My dear, smartass friends, I was thinking of crashing the Prefects bathroom!" 

That got your attention. You looked at Remus full of hope and he shrugged. 

"And how exactly are we going to do that? "

"Well, this is where our prefect friends come in handy."

"Lily would never help you do this." James cuts in. 

"That's why I wasn't planning on inviting her." Much to your surprise James didn't object. "You forgot about our other prefect friend - and I'm looking at you, Moony." 

You all looked at Remus who seemed a tad bit uncomfortable. "I guess - alright? But if anyone catches us, it's your fault." he pointed his finger at Sirius. 

"I solemnly swear." He put his hand over his heart, then winked. 

×××

"Looks like your plan to ignore James isn't gonna last." Marlene said while stuffing all the towels she could find in her bag. 

"I'm aware of that." You really were. You've mentally prepared yourself to spend the night in the same room with him for the past week. "Ready? The boys are waiting." 

"Yeah, let's go." You were to go to the bathroom in groups of three using the cloak, then spend the night there. 

"Alright," Sirius' head popped from under the cloak "we'll go together - Remus, James and Peter are already there. Come on." he whispered. 

You got to the bathroom in no time and you could feel the butterflies in your stomach. You felt pathetic - you were all going to hang out as friends. 

Marlene's hand squeezed yours - everything will be alright. It was your thing; back in the day, you used to do this every time the other would be anxious about something. You looked at her and smiled, squeezing back twice - I know. 

You entered and your mouth flew open.  You've never seen a more luxurious bathroom before. The "bathtub" was easily the size of a medium sized pool. Greek caryatids held the archways, and the stained glass windows reflected their patterns on the marble floor tiles. 

"I suddenly feel bad for not working harder to be a prefect - if I had known this would be my bathroom, I would've gladly learnt the entire History of Magic coursebook by heart" Marlene said, with a small pout on her face and her arms crossed. 

"Same here." Your gaze followed the sculptures on the ceiling and slowly fell on him. He looked angelic - the way the coloured moonlight caressed his face, the faint blush on his cheeks - made him part of the setting. 

There was no point in lying to yourself. You liked him, despite everything he's done, everything he's said, you continued to like him. All those comforting lies you've said were trying to cover the inevitable truth, the truth which had been well hidden somewhere deep inside your soul. Until now. 

You stripped out of your clothes, fully aware of his impertinent stare. You stepped into the pool, sighing in pleasure at the warmth of the water. 

"Wanna play anything?" you asked no one in particular. 

"Oh, we should play shoulder wars!" Sirius exclaimed excitedly.

"I think I'm gonna skip this!" Peter announced from his chair. 

You looked at James, then turned to Remus. You rose your eyebrows inquisitively, and he smiled kindly. 

"I guess imma skip this one as well." James said, slightly disappointed. 

"Come on, Marls, we gotta kick some ass."

And so did the games begin. 

×××

You were trying, and failing miserably to keep your balance on Remus' shoulders. 

"Haha- losers!" Marlene laughed. It was your sixth time losing.

"Y/N, I think I'll give up now, before this becomes too humiliating." Remus said while getting out of the water and pulling out his book. 

"No Remus, you can't give up now! I know we can do this!" you saw him sit comfortably in an armchair, and something clicked into your mind. "You ditch me to read? And sabotaged me? Remus John Lupin, I'm disappointed."

"Take Prongs instead, he's far more competitive than I am." he smiled innocently. So this was his plan. 

You turned to James, and he got up excitedly. You got on his shoulders, and his hands tentatively touched your legs. You saw Marlene and Sirius smirking and you glared at them. 

×××

The score was close. It was the match point. Marlene was desperately trying to push you when you came up with the winning idea. You splashed some water into her face, obstructing her vision. Then, you tickled her and she fell. 

"And that's how it's done!" you shout, raising your fist. Marlene's head appeared from under the water, clearly mad. 

"That was not fair!" 

"There's no such thing as fair!" Marlene smirked, as if she was saying oh, really? and pushed James with such brute strength that he fell, taking you with him. 

He caught you before your head could hit the bottom. He lifted you up bridal style and you put your left hand around his neck and moved the other one from your nose to his shoulder. You stayed in his arms, not wanting to let go. You were gazing into each other's eyes, breathing heavily, when it hit you. 

You loved him. 

And he was still with Lily. 

You pulled away from his embrace, breaking the stare. "It's not right - Lily…" you mutter, getting out of the water. 

The others seemed all deeply interested in Remus' book. You could even hear Sirius asking questions about the plot. You turned away; James was still in the pool, in the same place, trying to make out the meaning of what happened. 

It wasn't fair. 

Life wasn't fair. 

<3

stay tuned for the next part and lmk what you think❤️

taglist: @futurewriter2000, @puppycat714, @booksbeforebois, @slytherinquill, @screennamealreadyused, @fific7, @with1love1anu @slytherinwriter618 @angelinathebook @mischiefsemimanaged @remibarnes22 @hxfflxpxffs @approved-by-dentists @hss20052313 @pregnant-piggy @marauderswhisperer @lumoscharlie

[kyunsies]

Hello Mädch ahsdjaksdh <3 !!

how is college going? dw, I hope you are settling in super well and feeling optimistic about school and all the amazing things I know you are going to achieve this year! I am excited that you are starting your rotations now! you are going to do awesome, I know it! I'm sorry that you didn't get that ICU first like you wanted but hopefully it's all part of the plan so that you get it at the right time for you <3 let me know how they go, of course. I hope they go super well.

the week has been a bit weird to be honest, in my team I had a semi argument that was properly tense for the first time with someone and it was just so unpleasant. you know those people where they aren't horrible but you know that you'll never completely see eye to eye with them? i think it's just one of those things, where we'll never just completely read each other or get each other? and it's not, like, a massive issue or anything that we can't deal with, but I feel like usually I get on really well with people or not at all (all or nothing person I guess haha) but with this person I've just got to admit that we're always going to be a bit in the middle? like, we talked it over, and I've still found sometimes we misunderstand one another? so things are still good in work and clients, but with workpeople it has been the more difficult battle? hopefully we should get some more cool media stuff with the K-pop people soon, so that's an up?

OMGsh your coworkers are so much older than you! [lease do post a picture of your room, I am 100% confident that you have made it so dreamy and pretty. Thank you sm for telling me more about these operations though! I feel like everywhere is on red alert at the moment when it comes to health and care and making sure that people look after themselves and not put others at risk, you know? the doctors that to talk to me about my potential surgeries too have said the same but it's nice hearing it from a friend, you know? so thank youuuu <3 <3

I was the same as you, I would get so so so anxious and stressed if I wasn't studying or working or anything like that? but my mum is like your mum and grandma, where she gets up early too! but I feel like I need to do the late night thing instead? but then once I got into this crazy spiral where I would wake up really early and go to bed really late and like nap in between so I ended up like having two hours of sleep either side? that was peak wth at the time haha XD so now I try and let myself wake up a bit later really XD ha ha I'm in barely adulting! like I work so much but I don't earn a lot ha ha – I don't think that's very effective adulting? or like, I don't know I guess for a lot of people my age there's a work hard and hope it pays off thing in certain industries? so you're definitely more effectively adulting than me right now! like, you're going to do stuff that's gonna actively help people and you'll see that right in front of you, you know!!? sometimes my work gets out there but I rarely see directly if it gets to make peoples lives better you know? so the path you're on is so so admirable <3 <3 <3

I get you though, do you find that you thrive under the pressure even though it's sometimes a lot? I find that sometimes it does help me, but sometimes I forget to identify the times when it isn't helping me? or, sometimes I take it too far? so please look out for yourself and take care of yourself <3 and when you're worried if you're on the edge know that it's enough for you to take a rest and not be super perfect. i sometimes tell myself to except that I'm probably gonna make two or three stupid mistakes a day? It sounds kind of silly but it means that it makes it easier for me to accept when I mess up, idk, I think it helps me balance the pressure sometimes? i 100% understand what you're saying - at school do they have people that can directly help? or like peer supporters so it's not as stressful or official feeling as a therapist? if you ever want me to come off anon to help lemme know <3 i'm always here for you <3

oh my gosh your grandparents have been able to live long too! all my grandparents lived close to 100 before passing, and one of my grandmothers had the same as your grandfather. he sounds so sweet and so kind though! i love that he knows how to FaceTime you! Some of my aunts and uncles still don't properly haha. it sounds like he knows that he's super loved though, he's very lucky <3 <3 i've been thinking about all this really lovely stuff and how it grounds you when stuff like careers can stress you out and feel like the most important thing when it shouldn't be? what are the personality differences between the different areas of the US? my East Coast friends seem to straight talk a lot more than my West Coast friends? like they're a lot more realistic as opposed to being, I don't know laid-back or if not laid-back sometimes just more comfortable with superficial stuff? Not like my West Coast friends are superficial people, but I think they accept it as part of the world a bit better? my friends on the east coast will rail against that stuff a lot more, like they buy into the influencer bullshit less? but I guess these are all sweeping generalisations anyway... I might have to travel a bit in europe soon... I got asked to go to otaly for some work today, and to holland next month. Idk if it will end up happening though, things change all the time? I have to keep checking quarantine rules all the time with countries! but YAY and YES Europe tour trip one day :D !!!!!!!

you know what? when I first saw you compare bowling and golf I was like, wait, what? but now I totally get it! i know a golfer and they talk about how physical and strenuous it is on the arms and stuff all the time which I don't think always comes across when you watch it and it makes a lot of sense with how you describe how you trained for bowling! i used to cox in rowing and I always used to find it really funny that I said that was the sport I did because honestly I just sat in the boat all the time and steered XD

obligatory YES WTF ARE COTTON SCENTS! quite a few shops in the city where I live have been closing down because of Covid but our Jo Malone is still going strong! I love that lots of already classic clothing shops have now gone out of business but for some reason the people where I live cannot live without their perfume XD I think I'm gonna go in later this week or next week to take a look! with all this travelling I kind of want to buy something new? also, my hands have been acting up with injury so I have to rest my hands more anyway – so might as well look for perfume right? do you have any recommendations or would the blueberry one you've just gotten be at the top of your list?

the exciting thing is that I'm doing a bit less this week! I need to wait and see if that job wants me to fly out to Italy within the next 48 hours, if not next week, but if not I think I'm gonna figure out how to rehabilitate my joints a bit and get my brain okay? It's been existential Covid crisis week haha - I think a lot of me and my friends have been feeling like we've lost so much of our lives and potential during this time and I've really tried to hold in and ignore it for the past 18 months? i'm not one to ever feel lonely or to really really want to be in a relationship like some of my friends, but I've just been feeling it this week? like, I love my independence, but I wouldn't say no to a boyfriend right now you know? I feel silly saying that sometimes because I'm so against feeling like you have to have someone in your life to be okay, but I guess that's just a result of how the world is has been recently?? but I think all my feelings exploded around this stuff now so, I am trying to get back into a better place? so it's not as exciting as some of the stuff I've told you about before, but it's what's up I guess?

how are your mum and grandmother doing? are they doing good? [lease send all my love to them too. I'm glad these help you reflect on your week! they do with me too and I'm always happy to hear from you, no matter how long you might need <3 <3 hope you manage to reward yourself for working so hard these past days and that you remember you're always doing 110% so you deserve the best!

love you lots and lots - 💥

ANGEL HELLO !!!!!!!!! i told myself i would stay on top of this and swear in a timely manner but ;_____; a full week + 2 clinical rotations later here i am on a sunday, it seems this is always the case :( maybe my get back to you day will only be on sundays LOL i will try my best in the future babe, but ofc thank you so much for being patient with me <3

uni is going fine so far hun !!!! i've started clinical rotations as i've said on thursday and friday, and then my first exam is on tuesday so i read some chapters yesterday so i'm not squished for time lol :) and ,,,, what you said "hope it's all part of the plan" is very much my way of thinking lol wha is your sign? i'm a sagittarius and that's like, a philosophy i go by like everything is how it's supposed to be even if it's not what u want like everything will work itself out :') i'm wondering if we are one in the same !!!!! <3

and omg ;_____; conflict within the workplace is NEVER easy bc all everyone wants is to reach the goal you all are reaching and bc there's some bumps in the road it makes everything that much more stressful :( and i know exactly the type of person you are talking about LOL i've had to work with some of my peers in the hospital who really didn't treat me all that nicely , but i still have to partner up with them anyways bc we had to move a patient lol ; like they never do anything terrible to you but you just cannot come to a proper agreement with them? i know the feeling :( but i can tell you are doing ur absolute best ;_____; it's a tough situation ,,,,,,,,, but may i propose something ??? maybe since things are high stress in the workplace, would u be willing to meet them outside the workplace, like a quick coffee meet up and then discuss those issues? maybe talking about it in the work environment is way too stressful for both of u and it is hard to come to an agreement, but maybe in a calmer, more informal setting do u think maybe the both of u could be like "hey, what u were talking about i'm not really head over heels for but this is what i think and do u think we can do something where both of us will be happy?" im thinking maybe will opening up a means for more civilized discussion?? just a thought LOL :') let me know how it goes :( i hope u are all able to figure everything out !!!!!

about the surgeries !!!!! like i said i know it's super stressful to think about bc this is one of the very few times in life where things are absolutely out of our control and that scares us, and we as medical providers aren't supposed to give u a false sense of security, but i promise u everything will be just fine as long as u correctly follow up with care post-op :) we wouldn't want an infection !!!! >;( i remember last year i had a patient and she was going in for a routine colonoscopy and she was scared shitless ,,,,,,, but i was like "listen ma'am i know it can seem scary but i was just in there with the doctors and everything is super relaxed and they know what they're doing in there, you'll be out in no time and i'll be here waiting !!" and that seemed to help her a lot, after the surgery she was on me like flies on shit LOL she was like "THANK U HONEY" (but i think most of it was bc she was still drugged up hhh)

LOL us with our family members waking up early <3 literally this morning i decided to do my laundry at 8am (its only 10 right right now lol) but idk it just make u feel a little bit better doesn't it? but oh my gosh no i don't see u in this way at all ;_____; babe like you're already THERE in the world working and to me like ,,,,,, being an effective functioning person in society is like all i ever want i just want to be COMPETENT and the fact that u manage ppl ???? it's already a lot of responsibility but you do it everyday like you go to work u make food for yourself u pay bills like yes this all kinda sucks but you're there doing it and idk ,,,,,,,, like u being in this position is like yeah their surviving in the world and doing okay !!!! so that’s how i see u hun ;_____;

and i don’t think i necessarily thrive under pressure but i just kinda ,,,,,,, handle it?? like i think i handle my stress quite well !!! i think the reason why making mistakes scares me so much in my field is bc if i make a mistake i can like, kill someone or seriously harm them if i do something wrong SLKDFJ but i have to remember i’m still just a student and a lot of the things that i’ll learn won’t even be in these last few months of nursing school, but rather during my months of orientation on the floor i’ll be working on when i finally land a job ,,,,,, i know i just have to be patient and kind to myself, but it’s hard not having these high expectations for myself bc everyone else pushes themselves super hard (nurses i mean) so i feel like i should be too , ya know? ;_____; it’s a hard balance that i’ve yet to find but hopefully once i graduate i’ll have just a little bit more confidence in myself :’)

and omg your grandparents lived a long life as well !!!!!!!! a lot of my friends’ grandparents are really young still, so it’s hard for others to relate i think LOL but :(((( i’m really lucky to have them around still and like, i feel like my grandparents are the cornerstone of our whole entire family; once they pass i’m not quite sure what will happen ;_____; so i’m just trying to cherish every moment that i have with them even tho sometimes it’s stressful lol ; also BOUT THE DIFFERENCES FROM EAST TO WEST COAST LOL ; i think u described it really well actually :) like among the friends u have the are from different parts of the states, it’s very accurate in my opinion !! and again after all it is just a very broad assumption, in general east coasters have this “workaholic” attitude, they tend to be very realistic which i actually appreciate a lot lol, i’m hoping to live near the east coast when i move out <3 now where i am from it is considered the midwest even tho it’s more east than west if u look at it on the map LMAO and like, it’s really funny bc if u say to someone you’re from the midwest they’ll tell u our reputation is being “too nice” LSKDLFJSKLD and like that’s our thing, a happy medium between coasts with big cities but small towns too and generally just very chill and nice ,,,,,,,, the south of the US is also known for having that “southern hospitality” overall very cheerful ppl with personality and super kind attitude on life :) now the west of the US i’m not saying there aren’t nice ppl out there bc there are LOL but esp near lost angeles or hollywood ofc you’re going to have ppl very stuck up bc ya know they made it to big bad LA and they want to be trendy with all of the fake health shit (celery juice does NOTHING FOR U sorry lol) generally my view of the west is just very fake and i would never want to have my family grow up there LMAO but that generally like, california and washington but like, utah or wyoming or colorado are just absolutely gorgeous and they have small town ppl there bc there are a lot of ranches there ,,,,,,,, does any of this make sense to u ??? KLASFJ 

i’m going to skip a few paragraphs bc this is so long already LMAO but trust me i’ve read everything so far lol ; it seems like you’re doing a lot of traveling !!!!!! <3 i’m so jealous !!!!!!!! italy sounds so beautiful i would love love to go some day :( ALSO U SMELLED THE BLUEBELL PERFUME RIGHT ???? U LIKED IT ?????? doesn’t it smell absolutely divine??? no matter how many scents i smelled after that i knew it was the right one for me ldkfsdlkfj <3 i’m still so in love with it ;____; also about ur lil rant about feeling lonesome :( bub i can really relate to this and i feel the same way like my mom and the rest of my family never pushed me to meet anyone and i’ve always never had a problem making friends, but like, as i’m older and i realize i’ll be alone a lot more of my time once i graduate like i really do want to share my life with someone :( i have a lot of love and i want to be able to show it to someone i care about a lot but i just never really take the initiative to do that bc quite honestly i’m not confident in myself lMAO so ,,,,,,, i know we never feel like we need to be dependent on someone but sharing experiences with someone who feels very strongly for u seems nice, doesn’t it? i wish this for both of us really soon okay?? <3 i tell my friends i would LOVE to be engaged right now lskdjfslfjs :’)

but anyways !!!!!!!! my mom and the rest of my family is doing well <3 and i’m doing okay too !!!!!! i don’t want to bore u with how clinicals are going but if u want me to tell u just let me know LOL and angel i know i say it all the time but always thank u so much for being patient with me okay? u are the absolute best !!!!!! also as promised, here are a few pics of my dorm room LOL it’s a shoebox but it’s my shoebox :) enjoy !!!!!!