#im one of like five people who arent working in the 25-35 hour a week range LMAO

[catmeme-moved]

all of the asks! >:3

god ok 

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say?

😏

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?

i dont think i could date anyone who does any kind of drugs,, it makes me Very uncomfortable

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?

its only 4 babey

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?

sober...ive never been drunk

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?

i guess?? it was in high school so i dnt think it rly counts since yknow, i was 16

7. What does your last received text say?

“jgdijgjfdivjdjdj me“

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?

not enough times !!! i love kissing my gf

9. Where was your last kiss at?

in the parkinglot behind my dorm building

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?

i saw both my sisters when i was home for break a few weeks ago

11. What do you drink in the morning?

coffey

12. Where did you sleep last night?

my bed 

13. Do you think relationships are hard?

not rly? i think if relationships r hard then they arent rly meant to be

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?

god i wouldnt have spent so much money

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?

none at all ;3c

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?

i guess rainy....overcast weather is my fav

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?

my mom ! probably lots of other people too shjkdh lee is a fairly common name i think

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?

jeans

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?

i hope so!!!

20. Does anyone like you?

god i sure hope my gf does

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?

nop

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?

ya thats why i kissed them ghksdjs

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?

no one that i know personally.. there r some like celebrities and other famous ppl i dont like

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?

yes i want a tattoo from a specific artist in my hometown!!!

25. In the past week have you cried?

i mean probably i dont remember though

26. What breed was the last dog you saw?

a pug...i saw him in a donut shop

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?

i dry off as im stepping out of the shower

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?

no bc jocks intimidate me

29. Do you think you’re old?

not really in the grand scheme of things.. im only 20 i still have decades ahead of me !

30. Do you like text messaging?

ya

31. What type of day are you having?

its been ok! i spent time w my roommates downtown

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?

i hav my septum pierced but a nostril piercing would b nice

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?

cold..

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?

i dont rly think theres such a thing as “opposite sex” since sex is also on a spectrum like gender

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?

relationship ! flings r nice i guess but i prefer the stability and commitment of an actual relationship

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?

i thnik im fairly simple..idk

37. What song are you listening to?

when he died by lemon demon

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?

yea of course39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?

my best friemd emily40. What made you start liking the person you like now?

theyre hot and funny and very kind!!!!41. When did you last receive a text message?

idk maybe an hour ago42. What is wrong with you right now?

im hungry and not being held by my gf43. How well do you know the last female you texted?

its my mom so fairly well i think44. Does anyone disgust you?

men45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?

no bc im already dating someone46. Are you in a good mood right now?

i feel...neutral47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?

my roommate !48. What color shirt are you wearing?

its blue pruple n green tie dye49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?

ya my history professor told me i had to read books50. Anyone you’re giving up on?

no one is coming to mind51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?

i dont hate anyone!

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?

almost gave up on ever being able to pet the raccoons outside the dining hall but someday ill be able to earn their trust

53. Do you like rain?

yes!!! 54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?

not rly ! as long as theyre safe about it ykwim55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?

no i think ive told most of my crushes how i felt about them at the time 56. Do you like to cuddle?

god yes i love to hold and be held57. Are you shy?

its the social anxiety 58. Do you get along with girls?

i am a lesbian59. Have you dated the person you texted last?

we r dating !! 60. What do you carry with you at all times?

my phone and my peper spray 61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?

id do it for 10 62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?

ive been in my current one for 7 and my longest lasted 8 ! 63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?

yes! 64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?

anything my gf does is cute65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?

my cat yawned when she tried to meow and made a weird squeak sound

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?

18 (or maybe 19 now idk), 19, 20

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself?    

i do them myself bc i hate spending money68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print?    

ghgdh,....neither69. Do you have any stickers on your car?    

i dont have a car yet 70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne?    

neither...i dont rly like eithr of those music genres71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone?    

im samsung bitch until i die72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut?    

its been months. maybe years. i dont like pizza73. Do you like diet soda?    

i dont rly like any soda anymore tbh74. What color are the walls in your room?

plain white...f    75. Are you 16 or older?    

bitche im 2076. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars?    

nop i dont even know waht its about77. Do you have a job?    

yes i work in a library !  78. What are your initials?    

ylb79. Did you ever have braces?    

no :^/80. Are you from the south?    

nope im a pnw bitch

81. What does your last status on facebook say?    

something about voting82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed?    

ya shes my best friemd83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad?    

my mom.. fuck my dad !84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics?   

i vaguely remember attending a gymnastics class when i was like 5 85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters?    

uhh.. venom i think86. Do you smoke?    

no never !!!87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops?   

flip flops. 88. Is your phone touch screen?    

god how old are these questions. who has a phone that isnt touch screen now89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly?    

my hair is naturally curly !90. Have you ever snuck out of your house?    

no91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool?    

a pool..... rivers and lakes r scary92. Have you ever made out in a car?    

not yet93. …Had sex in a car?    

no that seems. . difficult. theres not very much room94. Are you single or in a relationship?    

im in a luvly relationship95. What were you doing last night at midnight?    

sleepin96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks?    

new years i think??97. Do you like the camera on your phone?    

yea its pretty nice98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits?    

no but ik i wanted one before i got into my current relationship skdgjhj99. Have you ever passed out from drinking?    

no but i did drink half a beer thing once and went to sleep bc i got a stomach ache100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate?    

i dont even use facebook101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?    

when i was in first grade id play “family” w my friend sometimes and she’d pretend to be the dad and i was the mom so we would spoon each other bc we thot thats what sex was and i thought she actually got me pregnant bc i was 7 and didnt know anything102. Name your favorite Kesha song:    

the song blind slaps103. Do you have any tan lines right now?    

no its winter and i also dont go outdoors104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts?    

 i hate wearing shorts

[mintyyprince]

all of them? owo

u. i appreciate u.

200: my crush’s name is: good. its a good name.199: I was born in: september!!198: I am really: gay197: My cellphone company is: so-so??196: My eye color is: grey195: My shoe size is: nine or ten usually194: My ring size is: no clue dude193: My height is: five ten!! 192: I am allergic to: geckos...??? its weird191: My 1st car was: no car im dying190: My 1st job was: kitchen aid189: Last book you read: enders game188: My bed is: soft warm and welcoming uwu187: My pet: the best white lab ever i love him185: My favorite shampoo is: s..starts with an s....i think184: Xbox or ps3: i have an xbox but all the games i want rn are on ps4 183: Piggy banks are: good and cute i love them182: In my pockets: my phone181: On my calendar: calendars are for chumps180: Marriage is: uhhhh179: Spongebob can: do anything178: My mom: never heard of her176: Last YouTube video watched: this...175: How many cousins do you have? three!!174: Do you have any siblings? two or three173: Are your parents divorced? yes172: Are you taller than your mom? no clue171: Do you play an instrument? i used to play viola!! hh..170: What did you do yesterday? hm. good question.[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: i believe in infatuation at first sight168: Luck: y..yes167: Fate: you make your own fate ultimately but yes166: Yourself: trying to165: Aliens: no clue164: Heaven: no clue163: Hell: not to be edgy or anything but were living in it arent we162: God: i believe there are many for different things!!161: Horoscopes: yes160: Soul mates: sorta159: Ghosts: yes158: Gay Marriage: i.. am gay...157: War: not really156: Orbs: yea155: Magic: yea[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: gimme smooches152: Phone or Online: phone if its someone close151: Red heads or Black haired: i mixed up the words and first read “black heads” and assumed this was a this-or-that acne question 150: Blondes or Brunettes: uh149: Hot or cold: youre yes and youre no youre in and youre out youre up and youre d148: Summer or winter: summer!!147: Autumn or Spring: oh.. tentative autumn146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla is now cursed but id say chocolate anyways145: Night or Day: night144: Oranges or Apples: apples.. with peanut butter... nice143: Curly or Straight hair: hm.142: McDonalds or Burger King: ew140: Mac or PC: pc please i love myself139: Flip flops or high heals: flip flops my dude138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: hm.137: Coke or Pepsi: coke136: Hillary or Obama: is this even a question135: Buried or cremated: havent decided134: Singing or Dancing: singinggg133: Coach or Chanel: uh132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: uh??131: Small town or Big city: big city.. maybe130: Wal-Mart or Target: i have Memories in target129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: ngh128: Manicure or Pedicure: pedicure it feels so awkward getting arm massages and not knowing where to look127: East Coast or West Coast: east coast beast coast126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday. christmas is cursed i hate it125: Chocolate or Flowers: oh.. oh no.... both124: Disney or Six Flags: six flags fuck yeah123: Yankees or Red Sox: yodels[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: whack121: George Bush: whack120: Gay Marriage: free me119: The presidential election: whack118: Abortion: its a choice117: MySpace: whack116: Reality TV:whack115: Parents:whack114: Back stabbers:whack113: Ebay:whack112: Facebook:whack111: Work:whack110: My Neighbors:  whack109: Gas Prices:whack108: Designer Clothes:whack107: College:whack106: Sports:whack105: My family:whack104: The future:whack[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: uhhh102: Last time you ate: just now101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: t..omorrow??100: Cried in front of someone: no99: Went to a movie theater: i saw spiderman i think its hard to remember98: Took a vacation: spring break i think97: Swam in a pool: no clue96: Changed a diaper: no clue95: Got my nails done: too long let me be a pretty boy94: Went to a wedding: Years93: Broke a bone: never actually92: Got a piercing: uhhh?? i think i was eleven91: Broke the law: never anything serious90: Texted: an hour i think[ MISC ]88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: nothing i will be Free87: The last movie I saw: gotg2.. i left early it was so boring86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: hm.85: The thing im not looking forward to: hm.84: People call me: they call me bell they call me stacy they call me her they call me jane thats not my n83: The most difficult thing to do is: oh worm just one?82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: never im too nervous a driver81: My zodiac sign is: libraaa80: The first person i talked to today was: @/haj-ime and i love him79: First time you had a crush: this fucko noah in the first grade i think78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: myself........ was that edgy enough or77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: me?76: Right now I am talking to: no one im 2anxious4talk75: What are you going to do when you grow up: oh hey lmk when u figure this one out id love to know74: I have/will get a job: i stare into the camera like im on the office73: Tomorrow: yes?72: Today: what is the question here71: Next Summer: no really 70: Next Weekend: im so confused69: I have these pets: i have one single evil fish bc he ate all the others and also my puppy cooper i love him68: The worst sound in the world: anything to do with chalkboards i hate them67: The person that makes me cry the most is: oh hey trauma mention opportunity-66: People that make you happy: everyone on my friends page and my mutuals uwu65: Last time I cried: oh64: My friends are: Good i love them63: My computer is: a trooper even if it crashes at least twice a week62: My School: i am my school 61: My Car: NONEXISTENT 60: I lose all respect for people who: lose my respect59: The movie I cried at was: hm. its not a movie but does kiznaiver count?58: Your hair color is: uhhhh57: TV shows you watch: A Lot56: Favorite web site: the internet is a bottomless pit55: Your dream vacation: maybe a cabin in the mountains... good54: The worst pain I was ever in was: oh hey another trauma opport53: How do you like your steak cooked: c..ooked52: My room is: neat..ish51: My favorite celebrity is: none50: Where would you like to be: how many people do u think replied coffin49: Do you want children: yeah!!48: Ever been in love: hm.46: More guy friends or girl friends: boyfriends im gay45: One thing that makes you feel great is: making people happy44: One person that you wish you could see right now: my friends uwu43: Do you have a 5 year plan: it changes every week i42: Have you made a bucketlist: not really41: Have you pre-named your children: nah40: Last person I got mad at: uhhh39: I would like to move to: colorado.. maybe38: I wish I was a professional: something[ My Favorites ]36: Vehicle: none they all scare me35: President: obama maybe?34: State visited: coloradoooo33: Cellphone provider: hm.32: Athlete: hm.31: Actor:hm.30: Actress:hm.29: Singer:hm.28: Band:hm.27: Clothing store:hm.26: Grocery store:hm.25: TV show:too many that fluctuate 24: Movie: too many that fluctuate22: Animal: dogs!!!!!!!21: Theme park: all of them i think20: Holiday:hm.19: Sport to watch: no thanks18: Sport to play: double no thanks17: Magazine:hm.16: Book:hm.15: Day of the week: uhh14: Beach: all i think13: Concert attended: any symphony 12: Thing to cook: i like baking cakes.. 11: Food: either fettuccine alfredo or pizza bc im basic10: Restaurant:hm.9: Radio station:hm.8: Yankee candle scent: idk but i have this one really nice candle thats campfire smoke scented and mmmmmm i love it7: Perfume: i dont really wear perfume!!6: Flower: yes.5: Color: blue!!4: Talk show host:hm.3: Comedian:hm.2: Dog breed: this is such a trick question1: Did you answer all these truthfully? more or less

[http-tal]

1-104

1. You woke up naked next to the last person you texted, what would you say? “I’m pretty sure we both expected this eventually”

2. What’s going on between you and the last person you kissed?Honestly dont remember the last person I kissed :/

3. If your boyfriend or girlfriend was into drugs, would you care?Lmao I couldn’t care less, as long as they arent addicted or doing the hard drugs

4. Is your last name longer than six letters?Nope

5. Was your last kiss drunk or sober?Probably sober

6. Have you ever wanted to have someone but you messed it up?Yeah

7. What does your last received text say?“Guess who”

8. How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed?I havent kissed anyone in a long time.

9. Where was your last kiss at?^^

10. When is the last time you saw your sister?more than 10 years ago

11. What do you drink in the morning?water with lemon

12. Where did you sleep last night?in my huge comfortable bed☺️

13. Do you think relationships are hard?Yes.

14. If you could go back and change something in the past 5 months, would you?Hmm, I dont think so

15. You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?Have not kissed anyone recently.

16. Would you rather it be sunny or rainy?Rainy, because it brings a blanket of comfort

17. Do you know anyone with the same middle name as you?A lot of my family

18. Are you wearing jeans,sweatpants,or pajama pants?I have no pants on rn;)

19. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 years from now?I kinda hope so

20. Does anyone like you?Yes, but I dont understand why lmao

21. Have you ever kissed someone with a name that starts with an S?Probably

22. Is the last person you kissed gay?yeH Lol

23. Is there a person you CANNOT stand?I am a chill person, I have no one that fits this

24. Have you ever considered getting a tattoo?I plan on getting a lot in the future

25. In the past week have you cried?yeah

26. What breed was the last dog you saw? my pitbull mix, beans

27. Do you dry off in the shower or out of the shower?I dry off outside the shower. I like to lounge around naked and air dry

28. Have you ever kissed a football player?Nopw

29. Do you think you’re old?lol im not even 18

30. Do you like text messaging?sure

31. What type of day are you having?Im in a pleasant mood, and I have been all day :)

32. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?my nose IS pierced

33. Do you prefer warm or cold weather?I thought I preferred cold, but now I think its warm

34. Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?no

35. Would you prefer a relationship or a fling?Relationship, hands down.

36. Are you a simple or complicated person?accidentally complicated

37. What song are you listening to?DRUGS by Lil aaron

38. When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?Most of the time

39. Is there a girl that knows everything or almost everything about you?My best friend Mar

40. What made you start liking the person you like now?who knows, the mind works in mysterious ways

41. When did you last receive a text message?like an hour ago

42. What is wrong with you right now?Lmaooo, a lot

43. How well do you know the last female you texted?Not that well, we hang out sometimes but I dont really know her

44. Does anyone disgust you?does myself count

45. Would you date someone right now if they asked?depends on whom it is

46. Are you in a good mood right now?yes, very

47. Who was the last person you talked to in person?Mi padre

48. What color shirt are you wearing?black

49. Has someone recently told you something you didn’t want to hear?I dont think so, or at least I dont remember if they did

50. Anyone you’re giving up on?Never

51. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for?I could never

52. Have you ever thought about giving up on someone but couldn’t?yes a couple times

53. Do you like rain?very much so

54. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?no, im not their mother

55. Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?Sure, isnt that normally what a crush is

56. Do you like to cuddle?Who doesn’t??

57. Are you shy?Not shy, but introverted.

58. Do you get along with girls?Yes, I get along eith everyone

59. Have you dated the person you texted last?Nope

60. What do you carry with you at all times?My phone of course

61. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you?Yeah, its win win. I die or i get money.

62. Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months?depending on the person , yes

63. Think back to October, were you in a relationship?Nope

64. The person you like kisses you on the forehead, do you find this cute?Very, I hope I get forehead kisses

65. Did anything “cute” happen in the last week?cute boy

66. How old are the last three people you kissed?no idea

67. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? if I had the skills I would do them myself

68. Which do you like better- Zebra print or leopard print? neither the FUCK

69. Do you have any stickers on your car? one, its for my high school

70. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? Lil Wayne

71. Blackberry, Anroid, or iPhone? android

72. When’s the last time you had pizza from Pizza Hut? probably last month

73. Do you like diet soda? nanny

74. What color are the walls in your room? white

75. Are you 16 or older? yes, 17

76. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? somewhat, yes

77. Do you have a job? just quit my old one

78. What are your initials? T L M

79. Did you ever have braces? no PE

80. Are you from the south? yes

81. What does your last status on facebook say? it a a video of a tiny cat screaming

82. Do you still talk to the first person you ever kissed? nope

83. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? my dad but we arent really close

84. Have you ever done cheerleading or gymnastics? no

85. What’s the last movie you saw in theaters? I dont remember the title

86. Do you smoke?

yes87. Would you rather wear heels or flip flops? Heals forsure

88. Is your phone touch screen? yes

89. Do you normally wear your hair straight or curly? wavy.

90. Have you ever snuck out of your house? yes

91. Would you rather swim in a river, lake, or pool? pool, oceans and lakes scare me

92. Have you ever made out in a car? yes

93. …Had sex in a car? yes

94. Are you single or in a relationship? single as fuxk man95. What were you doing last night at midnight?Smoking and playing black ops96. When’s the last time you saw fireworks? a long rime ago.

97. Do you like the camera on your phone? its okay for a phone

98. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? yes, multiple

99. Have you ever passed out from drinking? only once

100. Are you friends with people on facebook that you actually hate? nope, I defriend anyone who’s posts I dont like

101. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? once

102. Name your favorite Kesha song: n/a

103. Do you have any tan lines right now? ok listen im pale as hell

104. Would you ever wear cowboy boots with shorts? no tf

[viralhottopics]

We’re very close. We couldn’t not be: the secret to a friendly divorce

This month sees a spike in couples filing for divorce, many of them vowing to stay friends. But is it really possible or worth the pain?

A few weeks ago, a man came to stay at my house and he and I made so much noise at 1am that we feared we might wake the children. The next morning at breakfast, we had to explain ourselves and apologise.

The man was my ex-husband, and he was telling me an anecdote in the early hours that had us both in fits of laughter. We separated in January 2009, and divorced a year later. He has since remarried, and lives in another city, but often comes to visit our three teenage sons. We have spent several Christmases, Easters and birthdays together.

If liking and being nice to your former partner is the essence of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martins conscious uncoupling, it could be said that my ex-husband and I are living that dream. In the three years since they announced their much-ridiculed approach to family life and relations post-marriage, the idea of the friendly divorce has become increasingly mainstream. As Helena Bonham Carter said of Tim Burton, her former husband of 13 years, I think well have something very precious still. Actor Kate Beckinsale is so friendly with her ex Michael Sheen (the father of their daughter) that shes often seen hanging out with him and his girlfriend, Sarah Silverman.

And then theres the rise of the divorce selfie, taken outside the courtroom, showing smug ex-marrieds beaming away together in the spirit of a bright future ahead of them (with a caption such as We smile not because its over but because it happened). January traditionally sees a spike in calls to family lawyers from couples wishing to uncouple. The first question for many is: can you really have a happy split?

Divorce coach Carol Sullivan thinks so. She runs Divorce Negotiator, which operates throughout England and Wales. Unlike solicitors who represent the separate parties, Sullivan assists both husband and wife and, to stop the escalation, maintains transparency between them. She claims to save a typical couple 80% of the cost of going to a solicitor, and 50% of their time. So far, she has helped more than 1,000 couples, many of whom apologise to each other and go out for drinks despite their decree nisi.

People are doing divorce differently that is, better, Sullivan says. They are more aware that the only winners are the lawyers, and bitterness and vengeance dont get anybody anywhere.

Of course, most people would say theyd like to divorce well, at least in theory, usually for the sake of any children involved. But, in practice, anger and hurt usually muddy the waters.

I am insufferably smug about what my ex-husband and I have managed to pull off, but I wont pretend it was instant. The parting of the ways was painful beyond anything I had ever experienced, but we managed to sort out our financial affairs and living arrangements ourselves. A lawyer friend kindly did the essential paperwork for both of us. We never went to court, and our whole divorce cost 90. Eight years have since passed, and time has done its cliched but excellent bit in terms of healing. Rancour has been and gone, leaving all the things we liked about each other in the first place: enjoyment of each others company, great communication, affection and respect. Plus all the things we have together accumulated over the years, namely three great boys, an important shared history and the recognition that prolonged bitterness eats away at people and benefits nobody.

Its difficult, but this approach is becoming more common. I have a friend whose husband went off with another woman. After her shock and anger subsided, she had him to stay with his new girlfriend several times, and even took coffee up to them in the morning. (Talk about forgiveness.) It was nice for the kids to see I was accepting of her with him, she tells me. I liked him. I liked her. She says she didnt indulge in any power play, at least not consciously.

The prevailing view is that good relations benefit the children, if you have them. Phyllis Maguire-Harrington, 33, is a carer and nursery manager. She sees many families who arent amicable, which has only compounded her belief that friendly divorce is vital even when she found out, three years into their marriage, that her husband had been unfaithful.

It hurt massively, she says now, but our daughter is my world. Even though I ended the marriage there and then, and never once wavered, I always spoke to him and let him see her. My daughter deserves both parents.

There was no court case. The same lawyer represented them both. It was all their own terms; he just did the paperwork. Her ex-husband has exactly the same parental rights as she does.

The couple, both from Wokingham, met at a bowling alley in their early 20s. Kieran Harrington, 35, remembers that she started dancing and I thought, wow! He found her generous, with a lot of time for others. Phyllis says she is very energetic, while Kieran was very chilled and happy to go along with anything she threw at him. They married in 2008 and separated in 2011, when their daughter was a year old.

To be brutally honest, I cheated on her, Kieran says. Its one of those things I cant explain. It was nothing she ever did or didnt do. When she found out, she went ballistic. Id never seen her like that. I deserved it. I tried to get her back, but eventually knew it was hopeless.

It was complicated, Phyllis says, because in September 2007 he had a brain haemorrhage and that altered him. Kieran says that, although he doesnt remember being tempted before the brain haemorrhage, it is nonetheless too easy an excuse. Either way, he says, the two flings with colleagues were a huge mistake. Initially, he says, there was some nastiness from Phyllis, but then it went away.

For a long time I wanted him to be my Kieran, Phyllis says, but he had changed. After the brain haemorrhage, I became more like a carer. I knew he was no longer fully in control of himself, and a psychologist told us he was never going to change. I had a baby and couldnt live like that any more, the suspicious wife.

The divorce came through in December 2014 and Kieran, a prison custody officer, now lives with his father and sister. He and Phyllis still see each other most days, and go on holiday together. They took Erin, now five, to Disneyland Paris for new year and glamping in Cornwall. Neither has another partner.

I did for a while, Phyllis says, and he and Kieran accepted each other, but he wanted to get married and I didnt. I think Kieran put me off for life, she laughs.

These days, Kieran confides in Phyllis about dates and she gives him advice. He admits hed like to get back together with her, but knows thats never going to happen; he also knows that it could all have been very different had Phyllis not been so forgiving. I could have lost a lot more, he says. As it is, the friendship we have having a laugh, watching movies together, sharing a bottle of wine when the little one is asleep is the best I can hope for, given Id still like to be married to her. Ill be a little bit jealous when shes with someone else, but I messed up, so I havent a leg to stand on. Im grateful Ive got this much and know we will be friends for life.

Phyllis agrees: Were very close. We couldnt not be, after all weve been through. But the divorce was the right decision. Would I get back with him? Never. Hes not the man I fell in love with.

***

Specialist family lawyer Peter Martin has been practising at London firm OGR Stock Denton for 40 years, and has worked with thousands of couples. In his experience, roughly 25-30% of couples are able to be friends afterwards, and its not always to protect the children. In some ways, it is easier for couples without children to stay friends, Martin says. Once the finances are sorted out, they are able to get on with their lives. They can become friends again, because they no longer have any pressures on them.

On the other hand, Martin says, couples without children have less reason to stay in touch. Those with children have to continue to communicate, and they are more likely, because of that, to rebuild a friendship. A forced friendship, because of having children, often develops in time into the real thing. Its the sort of thing I see a lot Im thinking of the first dance of a divorced couple as parents at their childs wedding.

Barry Rutter, 69, an actor, is founder and artistic director of Northern Broadsides, a touring company. He credits his ex-wife, Carol, 65, a professor of Shakespeare and performance studies at the University of Warwick, with their excellent relationship after nearly 20 years of marriage and 20 years of divorce. She credits him with not forcing her and their girls out of their home. You can be vengeful and angry and selfish and do all that stuff, Carol says. All those ugly emotions you can keep up for years, but thats just destructive.

The couple met while Barry was on tour in America in 1976. She, with her Californian chutzpah, came backstage to congratulate me, he says.

He had the tight curls of a Raphael angel and a boxers nose, she says. He was bolshie, challenging: a Yorkshireman. Everything around him was different and new.

She moved to England a year later, and they soon married. Their shared passion meant they always had things to talk about. Briony was born in 1982; their son, Harry, two years later, but he died from cot death aged just 98 days. Barrys support in the aftermath made Carol feel an overwhelming sense that our marriage could survive; how amazing it was that he could love me that much.

When he set up his own company, Barry was working so hard, Carol says, I think he started kind of shifting. Rowan, their younger daughter, was four. Carol had a full-time job at the university and Barry came home wanting shiny faces. There was a gap. It was, Barry says, a build-up of events, which I took to be a diminution between us. And my own restlessness. The cliche: the grass is always greener. The official divorce says adultery, but it is never as simple as that. I didnt fall in love, but I was distracted.

Barry says it was raw. I remember we met in the garden shed and she asked what I wanted, and I said all of my freedom to roam, and yet the home and family. It was a stupid, macho, dumb attitude to have. It was my folly. You make choices, and choices can bite.

How did I come back from that? Carol says. I went to see a divorce person who said dont fight, its not worth it; work it out between you. I was able to keep the man separate from the actor and, little by little, the birth of our three children, the death of our son, those things you shared, count. They represent the real core values of you two as people, as against the accidents of making bad decisions.

Barry says it was entirely Carols leading that set them on the footing they are on today. Its got to be about the future: I remember her saying that. I myself didnt have it in me to come up with anything like that. Its a testament to her. Id hope she is my best friend. Shes kept the name [Rutter]. Ive always been rather pleased about that.

These days, their daughters are both married, and they still see each other at least once a month and speak often. Carol goes to watch her ex-husband perform. She says he is perhaps better at expressing his emotions on stage, but he always made her laugh off it, and always will.

Tara Saglio has been a couples and individual psychotherapist for two decades. She believes that most divorced couples have to experience a period of proper separation before they can actively be friends again. As a generalisation, I think it takes five years for people to settle post-divorce, she says. It helps if both parties have reached a point where they can feel equally content, instead of one being miserable and the other blissfully loved-up with a new partner or even of one being blissfully alone and the other in a less than ideal rebound relationship. The chance of friendship depends on the emotional maturity of both parties. In my experience, Saglio adds, it is usually the couples for whom the passion has dwindled or gone, and who dont feel so betrayed or rejected, who can be friends. Sexual rejection or broken trust can skewer things.

Facebook, Instagram and so on can make it harder for couples to move on. Of course, social media always presents a happy if not idealised picture of everyones lives, Saglio says. It is hard to separate fully while having ones nose rubbed in the exs new life. On the upside, technology can be a force for good, depending on how it is used. It makes continued contact quicker and easier. A text or email is more emotionally distant than a face-to-face or phone conversation. A bit of a barrier can be a good thing.

Resolution is an organisation of family law professionals that promotes nonconfrontational divorce settlements. Nigel Shepherd, its national chair, says that avoiding unnecessary argument demands a shift of perspective: By nonconfrontational, we mean focusing on what is required for the future, as opposed to getting stuck in what happened in the past. A Resolution survey found that 90% of cases settle without a judge.

Current divorce law doesnt exactly help people to remain friendly: unless former couples are prepared to wait for two years once they have separated, they have no option but to cite adultery, unreasonable behaviour or (admittedly rarely) desertion on the paperwork. Resolution believes that a couple should be allowed to divorce simply if they think the marriage has broken down, a so-called no-fault divorce, and are lobbying for change. The current process, which pushes the majority into blame, often against their will, can really put the spanner in the works, Shepherd says.

***

Businesswoman Sarah Bevan never lost sight of the fact that she wanted to retain her friendship with her husband, Tim, despite her deep sadness when their marriage came to an end. We were originally friends, and I wanted very strongly to maintain that for the greater good of our family, she says. We always had a lot of fun and we managed to retain that.

Sarah, who is now single and in her 40s, lives in south London, and is setting up her own company. Tim, 50, the MD of a packaging and design company, lives in Hove. The pair met at work in London and married in 1994. They have three teenage children. The friendship was overriding in the relationship, Tim says. Any other issues were put to one side. Thats what carried us. But then I started to do better in my career, which made me more confident and, when other possibilities presented themselves, I was weak enough to succumb.

It was 2004. He admitted he was having an affair (not his first); they finally parted in 2005 and divorced in 2011. Tim says he walked away with two pictures, a stereo and a pink tea towel.

There were no lawyers, and nothing on paper; money was divided according to their own agreement. The divorce cost 560. Rather than argue in court, he wanted Sarah and the children to have a home and security. He credits their friendship today to his ex-wifes openness and strength, and thinks they have both pulled off something pretty extraordinary. According to Tim, both realise they are not going to be jumping into bed with each other again, but hopes theyll be best friends for life.

Shes currently offering me advice on cholesterol, he laughs. Shes still got my back! It helped that neither of them slagged each other off to the children. The family has a group chat online most days and he visits them every Tuesday for a curry evening.

There were phases of extreme anger and massive hurt, Sarah says, but even though hes certainly a difficult character, I love him and we hug and say we love each other. He remains an important part of her life, all the more so because her parents died recently in tragic circumstances. As Tim says, that focused everyone on whats important.

Despite everything weve put each other through, Tim says, weve come out of it. We will be sitting in our deckchairs in 30 years time with our mint tea, looking at the children, and thinking, Weve done good.

How to divorce well

1. Slow down. Reactive decisions are usually bad ones; if you are feeling hurt, or have just discovered your partner with someone else, dont take any legal action until the red mist has gone.

2. Try to be rational. Going through a separation is highly emotional, but try to put that to one side and sit down with a neutral party with the aim of making sensible decisions. Remember that you loved the other person once.

3. Decide on your priorities. More often than not one of the biggest goals is to move on with your life with your dignity intact. The more amicable the divorce, the quicker it will be over, leaving you to get on with the next chapter of your life. It is also a lot cheaper.

4. Go to a good family lawyer. Find a family specialist committed to working out solutions as amicably as possible and in a way that will preserve your relationship with your spouse.

5. Expect a big change in your lifestyle. Your life is going to change dramatically; being shocked by this can often lead to resentment and breed conflict. Your partners life will be changing, too, and they will have the same problems adjusting as you are. Yes, really.

6. Dont do it the celebrity way. You dont have to fight dirty to get the best result in fact, judges will frown upon it when making their settlement.

7. Dont listen to your friends. Turn to them for emotional support but remember that every marriage is different and every divorce is different. Just because friends think it is a good idea, doesnt mean it is.

8. Be the bigger person. Even if your nearly ex is trying to play dirty, dont rise to the bait. It is easier said than done, but I often hear from people who, years later, regret that they allowed themselves to be brought down to that level.

9. Think about divorce before you get married. What will your situation be if things dont work out? Consider how your partner is likely to behave in those circumstances as well. Think about a prenuptial agreement realism does not have to be anti-romantic.

10. If you have children, be nice for their sake. It is only in the most exceptional circumstances that it is not in the childrens interests for their parents to remain friendly.

Peter Martin, family lawyer, OGR Stock Denton

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from We’re very close. We couldn’t not be: the secret to a friendly divorce