#im pretty sure this is the longest ive wrote tbh

[b0mblover]

It’ll be Okay in the End

By: J

cw; selfharm, generally negative thoughts, blood (etc everything that comes with sh)

lopt essentially has a silent breakdown and mason comforts him or smth idk im not good at summeries,

[Note; this was wrote out of my own desperation for comfort, not romanizing sh, i do not encourage or believe anyone should do this to themselves, seek help.]

i uh, actually had a easier time writing this than most things, probably because ive been essentially replaying this whole scene in my head for literal years! i for once wasnt upset when i wrote this, i was very tired tho! uh i have alot more to say but hawaii part ii lopt is taking over my brain again, so im gonna go do that! have fun with my depressed 100% projected loptson ig!

•

lopt was in ‘his’ so called room, scribbling away at some paper,

mason was rather concerned, hearing frustrated noises constantly, what sounded like pencils breaking,

they had been “partners” officially for 3 months now, mason had always cared about lopt to an extent, partner or not, but this was… odd.

sure lopt had his own life, hobbies, but he didnt care to keep /that/ much from mason, especially whenever he asked,

but, this was different.

lopt had came home from wherever the fuck he was- hell if mason knew details- annoyed, he stormed off to some room, when mason tried to ask what was wrong he only blew him off saying that “its none of your fucking business, you wouldnt get it anyways”

•

lopt was scribbling away in his notepad, despite being a god and literally being immortal, he still couldnt force creativity to come to him,

it was his fifth time trying,

most drawings resulted in poorly scribbled out lines,

he had went out to try and get inspiration for “some project” though he didnt really /have/ anything to work on, starting a new drawing always seemed to be a block for him,

he sat down his broken (6b) pencil, (rather violently but he didnt want to acknowledge that) and got up, he knew somewhere in him, that he needed a break, he walked out of his room to get water, but his mind wouldnt leave him alone,

constant thoughts about how awful his art was spewed around

“youre not “talented”, youre worthless”

“itd be better to quit now”

“just rip up the damn papers, theyre ugly anyways”

“imagine- you could just go and alleviate all this pain, just with that knife-“

he tried to push down his thoughts,

grabbing a cup from the cabinet and filling it with water,

the knives in the butcher block seemed so… tempting,

most of him /knew/ that he shouldnt- that it was wrong, that mason would be disappointed- disgusted, if he found out about his thoughts,

but, he couldnt help it,

all memories of the nights he got up from their bed to take part in something that would disgust his partner made him sick.

questions runned through his head as he sipped on his water, leaning onto the counter

“would he be sad?”

“would he care?”

“would he call me names?”

“tell me how pathetic i am?”

“leave me?”

“would he hate me?”

“tell me how ugly my body is”

“tell me how he hates the scars”

“tell me just how much he despises me”

the voices grew louder wither every question,

saying that he wanted mason to hate him,

that he did hate him,

in the very back of lopts mind, in the tiniest corner, he knew it all wasnt true, that he was being dramatic over nothing,

but even then, the memories of all the times he loved someone- all the times he didnt question if they hated him, what they all said to him,

he felt like doubting himself was the only way to have them not leave,

to not abandon him,

he took a deep breath before sighing, realizing his cup was empty, he decided that he had enough of a “break” and that he needed to start “working” again,

•

mason was sitting on the couch, some random tv show playing for background noise, when lopt wasnt “there” it was almost too quiet, in a way, mason had grown to love how loud and chaotic the house was with lopt- even if thery were the only two people in it.

he seen lopt walk into the kitchen for around 8~ minutes before he trudged his way into his room once more,

he didnt know excatly as to what lopt was doing,

granted whatever it was had to have been important, he didnt usually spend 3+ hours in a room alone silently, it started to make him worry, was lopt sick? just why did he seem so upset when he came home? is he okay? did he hurt himself?

•

lopt sat down at his desk once more, staring at the scribbled page, a sphere, he couldnt figure out how to shade it properly on the background,

he sighed turning his attention to the top left drawer,

he stood up walking over to his dresser, pulling out another drawer, he took out a roll of bandages, and some tissues, 

he knew that he shouldnt, that it was essentially pointless, that hed feel better soon enough,

but that fear crept back up,

“what about last time you didnt? remember? it got only worse because you didnt”

he rubbed the sides of his nose bridge, the voices were annoying, they knew that he was gonna, even without the encouragement.

he sat back down at his desk, sitting the tissues to his right and the badages to his left before pulling out the left hand drawer,

he rummaged through it, various miscellaneous items, before coming across a box,

a red box, seemingly quiet old, with yellow letters reading “do it” on the front,

he took one out, ‘unwrapping’ the razor blade,

straight edge,

he stared at it, contemplating just what hes doing with his life,

“i cant draw, i cant write, i cant make people happy, i cant make music, i can only recite the tales others have told, im worthless, im doless, i will never amount to anything or anyone in my life, god or not, human or not, this is deserved, if i cannot create, then i at lease deserve to bleed”

a mantra he told himself, attempting to poorly justify his actions,

•

mason listened at the door, hearing nothing, no pencil, no walking, almost no breathing, he didnt know everything about lopt, sure, but he knew that he didnt look well off, and what boyfriend would he be to his partner if he wasnt concerned?

they had an unspoken rule to always at least knock before walking into the others space, granted they had seen every part of each other, it was just a courtesy they had, 

though, something felt off,

mason felt as if he shouldnt knock, that lopt was hiding something,

all those sleepless nights where lopt comforted him abundantly, he had felt him get up, a few times he had caught lopt in the basement, he didnt know just what he was doing, he always hid something,

he didnt want to break any boundaries sure, thatd be rude and disrespectful, but, he had a weird feeling in his gut that it was for lopts own saftey,

“please forgive me for this” he muttered to himself,

sharply inhaling before opening the door,

simply greeted by lopts back.

•

lopt heard the door open, he had three lines going diagonally down his right arm, bleeding, he fumbled the razor, dropping it onto the floor, it had gotten rather dark by now, so it probably wouldnt be seen, he attempted to get the tissues, he had always been a great liar,

“ill just say i accidentally cut myself, if he asks what i was doing with a weapon, ill deflect and say i was being stupid”

it seems like he fumbled the tissues for a bit too long.

“hey”

mason said over his shoulder,

he moved his left hand to cover the cuts,

“o-oh, hey, whats wrong?”

“hm, well, i mean nothing? i guess, what are you doing?”

“i- you guess? is something the matter?”

mason had noticed he was oddly covering his forearm,

“you ignored my question.”

“huh?”

“i asked what youre doing.”

masons tone sounded alot more pissed off, granted he wasnt, just concered more than anything,

“o-oh i um, ok dont laugh but uh- i was trying to draw”

“and why are you covering your arm? are you hurt?”

“i- huh? wh- no, no! i uh, may have also been playing with a blade and accidentally scraped myself, nothing much”

“let me see”

“what?”

“let me see your injury”

lopt was taken aback, all of his previous partners never asked to see his wounds, scars sure but never his wounds, even if they werent self inflicted, he was shocked, he hadnt planned for this.

“i- i assure you dear, it isnt anything to worry about-“

“let me see it. are you hiding something?”

in that moment lopt felt small, like a child almost, weak, helpless, he didnt know how he could get out of this without mason either finding out or being suspicious of him.

“i- here”

lopt moved his left arm to mason, there were a few small cuts on it, though rather old looking,

lopt moved his right arm off the table, into the shadows to not call attention to it.

“uh huh, now the other?”

lopt seen his eternal life flash before his very eyes.

his mind went on autopilot and raised his right arm, he usually would fight but, he knew itd be pointless, mason would just worry more, thus making him keep a closer eye on lopt, he didnt want to feel selfish, not like that,

“oh my, i- oh my god,”

mason was shocked, he had suspected that lopt had hurt himself in the past, granted the scars,

but, he didnt think he still did it, sure the weird behavior, but it never really dawned on him until that moment.

.

mason had brought (more like dragged) lopt to the bathroom, running the slits under cool water, putting pressure to hopefully get the bleeding under control, he opened the cabinet under the sink and pulled out another roll of bandages,

he stood behind lopt washing the blood off, still slightly in shock,

“why?”

“huh?”

“why do you do this?”

masom questioned, fully aware of the long list lopt was about to give out,

“i- well, i dunno..”

lopts voice trailed off before starting again,

“i mean, i dont even know why i do this, it just feels good? like i can do something right? it makes me feel like im not worthless”

mason hummed for a second before choosing his words

“do you feel normally that youre worthless?”

“i guess so, i dont know why, i have the best boyfriend, my life is great, i just dont know..”

“mmhm, what were you trying to draw?”

“i dont know. does it matter?”

lopt shot back

“well, you seemed frustrated at it, so im sure it’s important to you yeah? so then it’s important to me”

mason brought his hands around lopts wrist, rubbing it slightly attempting to calm him down

“i- i dont know, i just, i feel frustrated, so i tried to draw, but drawing makes me feel more frustrated, so i did this- an- and n-now-“

lopt began to stutter, tears swelling up in his eyes, mason had only seen him cry on a few occasions,

“shh- shh its okay, i know what youre saying, breath, okay?”

lopt inhaled deeply, feeling masons left hand move to wipe the tears away,

he didnt even know why he was crying,

mason bandaged lopts arm slightly tight, 

“shh, now, you wanna talk about this? or wait a little bit longer to calm down?”

“c-calm down”

“alright alright, shh youre okay, see?”

mason lead lopt into his bedroom, taking lopts hand under the covers as he had done for him every sleepless night,

lopt could feel his eyelids starting to droop, the warmth of his boyfriend comforting him, the love of his boyfriend comforting him,

he shoved his head into masons chest, finding it to be the most comfortable spot out of the entire bed,

mason ruffled his hair, slowly stroking his hand on his neck,

“y’know, you may be a god,

and you may be immortal, but,

ill be with you for as long as you need, in this life and after”

lopt didnt respond, just slightly nodded his head before burrying it deeper into masons chest, 

maybe tonight wasnt so bad after all,

spending time with mason- no, his boyfriend, was never bad.

lopt faded in and out of sleep, trying to fight the melatonin being produced, just to feel the sweet touch of his boyfriends skin, before he completely felt himself drift away, he heard him speak,

“I love you, i love you so much, never forget that, in this life and the next, ill always love you, lopt.”

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

4, 12, 17, 21, and 39 owo For the fanfiction asks

ooh ty! (source)

4. Fluff or angst?

not that i don’t enjoy some good fluff on occasion, but i somehow always end up writing the feels. idk what it is. its in my nature

12. What’s your favorite thing that you ever wrote?

in general? the royalty au thats still sitting in my drafts, unfinished and unpublished, giving me the glare of a lifetime. i love it though. that ive published? shards of winter is pretty neat

17. How long was the longest fic you ever wrote?

little magenta lies is sitting at ~15k published words, and ~43k unpublished! i think that has to be the longest single thing ive ever done, but who knows, maybe theres some really old stuff that tops it

21. What’s your favorite AU trope?

i dont knowwww but judging by my library it seems to be sci-fi/ambiguous fantasy with weird rules!

39. What’s your favorite trope?

hmmmmmm. i dunno tbh, i think anything is good when done well. i am fond of “cuddling under duress” though im not sure how common that is

[evilponds]

I found your tumblr through your ao3 and I have to ask-any tips for young/new fanfic authors?

oh wow jsldjfd im amazed you managed to find me tbh i cant remember the last time i updated ao3.. but this is a really good question and im honestly not sure how to answer it just cos like.. ive been takin a break from writing fic since work takes a LOT of energy out of me so i hardly have any left to do anything except eat and sit down for some netflix,, i gotta get back in my groove frankly

i think the first thing i want to say is that it helps SO so much to have someone read your work before you publish it. a friend who isnt afraid to give you good advice about your writing goes a long way - i had my longest fic beta’d towards the end and i think the end holds up a lot better than the first few chapters. personally i just feel better publishing the final product when ive had a friend look it over - i just literally feel better about the work, and about letting other people see it

secondly! dont be afraid to promote your work HONESTLY like.. it feels self-aggrandizing but i promise its just kind of what people Do.. when i publish a fic i reblog it at least 5 times a week for the first week or two LMAO. the fact is that people are online at different times so the more you reblog it, the better your chances are of more people finding and reading your work

also like i dont know exactly how young you are but this really goes for all ages: draw boundaries according to whats comfortable for you. if youre ever uncomfortable with someone whos talking to you - no matter how much they like your work - you dont have to talk to them. thats just kind of something i wish id felt comfortable doing when i was younger? but do with that what you will honestly!

aaaand LASTLY and most importantly: be sure youre writing for you. the whole point of fic is to create something you want to see with the characters you love and obviously theres nothing wrong with writing for your audience but ultimately like.. this writing is for you - you’re writing what you want to see, and youre writing to improve your prose, so like.. just make sure youre writing what youre interested in! it sounds pretty intuitive n self-evident but its one of those things that i literally have to Tell myself sometimes so i dont start writing something i dont actually care about. 

i just hope you can have fun writing fic!! dont let anyone make you feel silly or like less of a writer for writing fic - just like its hard to build an entire world with its own unique characters, its also hard to convincingly write characters that someone else wrote

[thelavendrhaze]

what i’m writing challenge!

i was tagged by one of my favorite writers @aloequeerafic - thanks for the tag!!!! i love your work sfm!!!!! this challenge is about sharing what i’m currently working on and will work on in the future. thankfully my wip list is short but i’ve got some ideas for the future. read below! and to continue this chain, i’d like to tag @thedarkestlarrie (bc i love my b), @alienproof, @anylessreal, @fondleeds, and @mooodlighting (bc i love their work!)

1. the new romantics: this is my big bang fic!!! it is what i’ve been working on for the past 1 and half months v dilligently. it’s a john tucker must die au and i think it’s probably going to be a little less than 50k. i’m trying to make it funny??? not sure if it’s working but here’s hoping!!!! the angst isn’t all that bad tbh (compared to what i usually write) and i think it’s mostly bc i got the idea from a rom com and didn’t want it to be this serious, angsty thing. i’ve been having fun with it and i cannot wait to put it out!!! here is a little snippet from part 1

Just then, Liam appeared at the doorway, his eyes perking up when they landed on Louis.

“There you are,” he said. “We’ve been looking for you.”

“I’ve been here with Harry,” Louis told him. “He’s been making me drinks and listening to my troubles.”

Liam offered Harry a meek smile. “Sorry about him. He’s drunk. I hope he didn’t chat your ear off too much.”

“I’m not a child, Liam,” Louis glared. “It was a mutual conversation. I wasn’t being a pain. Right, Harry?”

Harry agreed. “Yeah, it’s cool.”

“I just meant that you can talk to any of us about how you’re feeling,” Liam explained to Louis. “Not strangers.”

“Harry’s not a stranger. We’re friends once removed.”

At that, Harry let out a loud laugh, prompting both Liam and Louis to turn to him. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “Was a bit funny.”

i hope that made sense and if it didn’t you’ll find it VERY SOON what this whole thing was about lmao

2. like pretty lights: UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH my longest wip thats not even that long im just too lazy to write. god. honestly, you all can hate me for this bc i know i’ve been shit. this is my “mary’s song” au that i’ve had going for a good few years now. but i’m adamant on finishing this bc there’s only 1 and a half parts left. and i don’t even plan to make it THAT long. HOPEFULLY....JUST HOPEFULLY i can get it done as soon as i finish my big bang fic. i wrote like 2 pages for it tbh!!! lmao here is a small snippet of part 4. 

“We’re here,” Louis said, sighing a breath of relief as he pulled up in front of his house. Harry turned to look at his own, smiling at how it never changed. It was the same porch, those same rickety stairs, and the same Bluebell flowers out in the front yard garden. Except for the curtains in the living room. His mom wanted to update those into something more contemporary. But everything else -- everything else was the same.

3. talk is cheap: my gossip girl au requested by my readers who love me for my angst. i’m hoenstly SOOOO fucking excited for this. like ive got a big chunk of it planned. i just need to fix some details. i don’t have any snippets for this one since i haven’t started writing, but here is who is going to be who (tentative)

Louis - Blair Waldorf

Harry - Chuck Bass

Zayn - Serena Van Der Woodsen

Eleanor - Nate Archibald 

Liam - Dan

Niall - Georgina

Aiden Grimshaw - Vanessa

Lottie - Jenny (but still Louis’ younger sister, not Liam’s)

Gigi Hadid - Eleanor’s friend and Zayn’s gf

Sophia Smith - Aiden and Liam’s friend from Brooklyn

Nick Grimshaw - Carter Bazen  

4. best kind of bad something & go ahead rip my heart out, if that’s what love’s all about: i’ve been wanting to write this norcal au where louis’ the town troublemaker and everyone hates him except for harry SINCE the beginning of time!!! but somehow it just keeps getting pushed. maybe i can get on it sometime this summer. i do have a snippet for this one, though :))

Louis tapped on the glass once.

Harry looked startled, jumping slightly in his computer chair where he was staring at his computer screen, probably reading some article about college or something boring like that. He narrowed his eyes in on Louis, like he couldn’t quite tell who it was, but then recognition flooded his expression and he got up. Louis smiled happily as Harry unlocked his window and lifted it open for him to crawl through.

“Oomph,” Louis mumbled, landing on his bum on top of the bed. “I’m exhausted.”

“Where did you come from?” Harry asked, closing his window again. The air conditioner was on full blast, the room cool and comfortable, just like Harry. He was wearing thin sweatpants with nothing on top.

“Was hanging out with Niall and Zayn at my house. Then we popped by the Hastings house for a visit and now I’m here.” Louis rested his head on his clasped arms, staring up at the white ceiling. He felt the bed dip where Harry sat beside him.

“You popped by their house for a visit?” he asked, his tone suspicious.

Louis nodded. “Old Hastings needed to be taught a lesson.”

“Louis!” Harry sighed. “What did you do?”

“Exactly what I should have since the fucker fucked up my tires,” Louis muttered angrily.

“Louis, tell me what you did.”

“Relax, will you?” Louis said, looking at him as he sat up again and walked back over to the window where he could overlook the streets below. “It wasn’t half as bad as it could have been. I just poured red dye in his pool.”

those are my top plans, but here is a small list of what i’ll write in the future that haven’t properly been fleshed out yet!

kiss me beneath the milky twilight - ‘90s au

home.mp3 - high school/coming out/coming of age au

several small one shots as part of this secret collab project which i cannot reveal a damn thing about!!!!

[clumsyclifford]

hihi! no thank you for calling me baby a. i love it so much b. it reminded me that i needed to respond to you hjadladha im that type of texter that either responds within 3 seconds or not for like 3 weeks so yikes for me i guess anyway this is a two-fold message bc 1. songs and 2. high holidays so first! i have the jane bordeaux playlist made i just need to go through and add songs but i have no time bc classes so itll happen eventually i guess??? i really just need to put it on my to-do (1/?)

list to constantly remind myself abt it. ha'ahava is gorgeous and i just saved the rest of the album to make sure that i listen later but yes static and ben-el wrote fabulous from hsm im sorry im just here to tell you the facts their music is just so good and upbeat and catchy ur right we deserve a whole album and you are also right they do have some bad songs but i cant believe you didnt mention broke ass millionaire the english version of silsulim that is a whole new song and also dumb (2/?)

but i will say the dumb/weird-ness of their songs is a big part of the appeal for me anyway i have a whole youtube playlist of mostly old hebrew songs that i need to try and remake in spotify but catch me putting the entire static/ben-el discography in it. i am pretty much always feelin some type of jewish so! here i am! i think it was you (or maybe another jewish 5sos blog??? i barely look at urls ahjkdasld) that tagged some picture of 5sos with like baruch hashem or something (3/?)

n i laughed my ass off for a very long time and then was very excited about another jewish person here in 5sos-land. i actually have like 12 tabs worth of rosh hashanah themed coloring pages open rn bc im planning my schools RH program this year and i love arts and crafts so good timing haha on actual RH im driving to go see a friend i havent seen in like 4 mos so ill probably just find a live stream for erev RH services and try to find a circular challah on the day and have that be it :) (4/?)

i do usually fast on yom kippur and ill probably find a stream for kol nidre and YK day theres some pretty interesting ones out i do usually fast on yom kippur and ill probably find a stream for kol nidre and YK day theres some pretty interesting ones out there but im also a fan of the good ol traditional (5/?)

im not living with any other jews this semester but my colleges jewish community is doing a pretty good job of staying connected remotely but i also love making random jewish connections everywhere (and playing jewish geography ajdas) there are no questions in this so pls liveblog ur reactions and all of ur thots (6/6) - שירים

ps wow sorry this got long i think its the longest message ive ever sent wowie :)))) (7/6)

omg okay i cant believe i actually summoned you im gonna put answers under the cut because u know i am a respectful blog runner

i am also one of those texters algkjdfgkdj so i am flattered that you got back to me so promptly!! very excited for the jane bordeaux playlist i hope you will share it with me or at least tell me what’s on it so i can make it myself not trying to manipulate you into revealing your identity i promise

AHHH tell me what you think of the ivri album god im so excited ive been listening to it quite a lot lately LOVING קר קר unsurprisingly dkfjgkdfjg LOOK i didnt mention broke ass millionaire because (1) it’s just a bad new version of silsulim so i feel like the existence of silsulim negates it and (2) i repressed it and am pretending it doesnt exist. but you’re RIGHT ok that song is garbage

JDFKLGLFDGJ EXTREMELY bold of u to assume there are other Very Jewish 5sos Blogs im pretty sure it was me who tagged it baruch hashem god i wish i could find what post it was but it sounds like something i would do

oh thats so cute !! omg rosh hashanah coloring pages......charming honestly i love that. and that sounds like a really nice plan tbh 

wondering if your 4th message got cut off somehow?? but anyway yeah i also fast had to email my profs for the classes i have that day and tell them im not coming to class :))) love not getting YK off :)))) but at any rate i don’t know what im planning to do about services i really Don’t Like services especially not on yom kippur but it is nice to do in a way but also i don’t wanna do services on zoom that sucks so like......we’ll see. we will just have to see

oh my god i LOVE jewish geography you know what shirim anon i bet we could play it. where are you from where do you live

[i-amusemyself]

Every and all countries.

HEY ITS MY FAVE ANON!!!! 😄😄😄💕 Thankies!!!! (Sorry for the delay, ive barely had internet)

America: What is your favourite place to eat?I’m not really sure 😂 I dont ever really go out to eat and if I do I just end up going to McDonalds or Nandos tbh

Australia: Do you have any quirks when speaking? ….I don’t know, I don’t pay much attention! I know if my head is somewhere else I’m terrible at keeping eye contact. Besides that I basically just laugh for one reason or another and say sorry 24/7.

Austria: already answered

Belarus: Is there anyone that you love? Family/friends/romantic interest etc.Oh hell yeah definitely!! I love my family one way or another ig. My friends, even the ones I don’t see often, I absolutely adore! I have like 5 people I would legit die for 😂

Belgium: What do you think of your siblings?I dont have any. I wish I did tho.

Botswana: Do you like to sing? Why?Yeah, I like singing since it sometimes helps when my mood gets down. I only really do it when I’m alone tho bc im shy

Bulgaria: Who do you consider close to you?I have 3 close friends tbh and id trust them with just about anything

Cameroon: Describe your culture.Lmaoooo what culture? 😂 I’m basically english and i dont even know if the things associated with that would be considered cultural? Idk we just drink tea, say sorry and are supposed to have a stiff upper lip at all times

Canada: Favourite wintertime activity?Not having to go to school 😂 idk tbh, sledging is kinda fun from what i remember?

China: already answered

Cuba: What sort of grudges do you hold if any?I very rarely hold grudges tbh, I let 99% of things go even if people don’t apologise. It’s hard to say where the line is without sounding overdramatic. I guess if they made my life so bad I considered ending it I wouldnt like someone too much (or if others saw that and continued to stay friends with them).

Cyprus: already answered

Denmark: Do you wish for something of your past?Nah, not really. I try my best to look forward, not back.

Egypt: Do you stand up for what you believe in? How?Ummmm, I’m not sure I could say I’m that active in it. I once wrote a long, anonymous letter to the headteacher or my school wrt the treatment and education of lgbt people. Besides that? I havent dont much. I’d go to a protest if there was one nearby that I supported.

England: Are you controlling?That’s hard to answer? Because when things happen my initial instinct is to control them. But I’m a lot more chilled out than I used to be, and continuing to try to improve on it. So the amount of things I actively try to control are very slim. The issues lies more with my hatred of vague plans tbh 😂

Estonia: Do you think people often misunderstand you?I don’t open up to that many people, not really. Most the therapists I’ve seen have never got me at all. In terms of friends, some do get it, though it depends upon what specifically I’m trying to explain/show etc.

Finland: What do you prefer; kindness, sternness or apathy?Kindness, for sure. It’s nice to know other people might look out for you when you’re not necesarily in a place to look out for yourself. Sternness is just,, hard to communicate with and apathy can put me on edge.

France: How do you share love for those you care for?Most the time I just send them memes 😂 I try to make sure I’m honest and I don’t hold back with compliments. I also try to show then that I really am interested in them/their life, tho sometimes I worry I’m annoying them.

What is the hardest thing you have ever had to do?4 A levels whilst also juggling 3 jobs at one point.

Germany: Do you have a hard time forgiving yourself?I rarely forgive myself for something without outside help, and even then it isnt guaranteed

Ghana: What is your favourite sport?Basketball, its the only one I understand 😂

Greece: Do you let others help you when in need?I do sometimes tell my closest friends if I’m in a really bad patch and out of options. Although, I become more focused on making them feel helpful than actually being honest when I can’t believe them etc.

Hungary: Who is the person you trust the most?My closest friends probably. Although there are different kinds of trust, so it varies with what I’m trusting and who I go to etc.

Hutt River: What is the most memorable dream or nightmare you’ve had?I remember most of my dreams tbh, and for months too. Nightmares especially, but i wont share those bc theyre really horrific tbh. I had a dream a few months back that I died and went to heaven, that was nice. Like, it just felt so calm, I didnt want to wake up.

Hong Kong: Do you fear death?I dont so much fear death as fear excessive pain and suffering tbh. I’m okay with not knowing what, if anything, happens after we die.

Iceland: Do you hide your real personality? Why?Not reaaally 😂 when I’m with people I know and trust I can pretty much be myself. But different people bring out different parts of me.There is a small part I crush right down bc I hate it, but it might slowly be fading.

India: How important is family to you?Idk, I’ve never felt super close to a lot of my family. I just sort of seem to find my own family, and theyre hella important to me.

Japan: Tell us a secret about yourself.I dont have that many secrets????? At all??? And the ones I do have I don’t tell for a reason 😂 lets go with: i have 2 moles and a shoulder dimple that look like a blob fish.

Kenya: What is your favourite wild animal?I love so many of them?!?!?!?! I love capybaras but also elephants and also gorillas???

Korea: What is one thing you accomplished by yourself?Ah, I never do anything completely by myself 😂 Idk, managing to get to america on my own was pretty scary, but I did it.

Kugelmugel: Is there anyone you have a love hate relationship with?I mean according to my anxiety, everyone I love hates me 😂But erm, the only person who I can really think of is my old geography teacher. He was a legend and I loved him, but for sure he hated me.

Latvia: Do you believe you are brave?Eh, idk. I don’t think I’m a coward, but it would depend on the situation.

Ladonia: What is the internet site you visit most often?Tumblr. I cant deny it.

Liechtenstein: How do people underestimate you most often?I have no idea, they usually overestimate me, though I don’t pay much attention to peoples expectations 😂 I genuinly have no idea, maybe I should ask my friends or something

Lithuania: Do you desire power?My initial answer is no, I’m not that interested in being powerful on a large scale. But I guess there are different kinds of power? Like, it would be nice to have the power to change other peoples lives for the better. Or the power that comes with being in government, which has always been something I’ve been interested in.

Macau: What is your favourite festival or celebration?Halloween. Without a doubt.

Molossia: Do you consider yourself strong?I used to think I was strong, given some of the things I’ve been through. Now though I realise I just supressed all the emotions that came with them, which are all coming back, and honestly I’m a weak mess.

Monaco: Do you think you are a lucky person?No, not really. 😂 I mean, there might have been 100 times ive narrowly escaped death, but I wouldnt know it.

New Zealand: Would you rather be an elf, dwarf, hobbit or wizard?I’ve never seen lotr/the hobbit ngl so just based on what I know I’ll say wizard bc magic

North Italy: What is your least favourite part of your personality?All of it. Idk, jealousy. Awkwardness. Inability to make conversation. Just who I am as a person.

Norway: What was the most disappointing time in your life?Idk, Ive been disappointed a lot 😂 my dad let me down p bad once, though i dont really wanna share the deets

Netherlands: Most generous thing someone has ever done for you?My best friend bought me a necklace with “you are the light of my life” on it and I still can’t get over how cute that is 😄

Poland: Hardest thing you’ve been through?The thing that comes to mind was the longest and most stressful night of my life. I’d just broken up from school for summer that day and we had an estate agent coming to value the house the next day so we could move out of the Flood Zone. That evening it rained and rained and I ran around the village asking council people to help us but no one came so we stayed up till 2am pouring water from around the house into wheelie bins to try and stop it coming in. Then I had a breakdown in the bath and just remember feeling so trapped. I never want to go through that again.

Prussia: Would you prefer to live forever or die alone?Oooooh thats a tough one! Bc living forever would surely involve a lot of time alone. I think I’d hate it tbh, 80 years is enough for me 😂 but dying alone is like, my greatest fear tbh. So I’ll say live forever.

Roman Empire: How would you like to be remembered?Idk, just as a good person that maybe helped a few people out, I suppose. I mean, sure I’d love to find a cure for cancer and change the world etc but gotta be realistic

Romania: What is something you are very ashamed of?There are parts of my body I hate so much I’ve genuinly considered taking a knife to them myself. I also struggle to deal with the whole gender/sexuality thing, no matter how much people tell me its okay.

Russia: Have you ever suffered from low self esteem? Do you still?For sure, yeah. I really struggle to love myself in any way, it’s an alien concept to me and I’ve always been taught to keep my mouth shut about anything I actually do like.

Sealand: Who is your best friend?My bro @only-slightly-dangerous lmao

Seborga: What is your favourite beverage?I absolutely looove milkshakes (despite being lactose intollerant 🙄), especially oreo ones

Seychelles: How do you handle people being rude to you?Lmaooo I don’t 😂 if they say anything personal, I take it to heart. I might try to talk back but I’d just screw it up.

South Italy: What is your favourite part of your personality?Ummm, idk, I don’t really think about the words I could use to describe my personality? I guess I quite like my sense of humor. Idk.

Spain: What would you tell to the person or people you hurt most if you had a second chance?I don’t want to sound like,,, a twat,,, but I don’t really think I’ve ever really badly hurt someone (not knowingly or intentionally anyway). The only person I can think of is someone I cut off for being a bad friend… so I don’t really feel too bad about that.

Sweden: Are you a leader, follower or independent?Lmao all of the above, depending on the circumstances 😂 I don’t mind leading things and taking charge, Im quite good at being organised. But equally I don’t mind following other people if I agree with their plans. I also love being independent and doing things alone, bc it feels free and you don’t have to worry about anyone else.

Switzerland: Would you consider yourself evil, good or neutral?Good, I think. I try to be a good person. Sometimes my initial reaction or thoughts might not be good, but I always want to do the right thing.

Thailand: How good is your poker face?If I’m just pissing about, not great. I just laugh. But if I’m serious it’s pretty good, if I can say that 😂 I’m good at acting when I want to be.

Tibet: What do you value most?What?? As in a quality? Or objects?? Idk. People with good intentions, I’ll say that.

Taiwan: What do you think of the people or person who raised you?I have a lot of feelings towards them, not all of them good. I’d rather not talk/think about it rn though.

Turkey: Would you ever want children?Without a doubt, yeah. I’m not sure if I’d have my own or adopt, maybe both. I’m not that naturally maternal; I love kids but knowing how to talk/react to them doesnt come naturally. Im probs more of a dad 😂

Uganda: How would you like others to see you?I dont know???? Just as a kind and trustworthy person that genuinly cares and will always try my best to help when I can.

Ukraine: What is one thing that has made you stronger in life?I have no idea. I don’t feel like a very strong person at all. My life just feels like a long string of events I’ve had to cope with.

Vietnam: What is something you are proud of about yourself?I don’t really,,, feel pride 😂😂😂 like I honestly can’t think of a time I’ve felt like that. I guess I’m pleased I did well in my A levels? But even then I wouldnt say I’m proud.

Yemen: What kind of art do you like?Its hard to describe? I know it when I see it 😂 I’m not too bothered about portraits and paintings of dull landscapes, but equally some modern art is barely Art. I quite like paintings that are bright, or tell a story. I also like sculptures if theyre based on cool stuff like, the human body ooor dragons idk. Mosaics are p nice too

Zimbabwe: Who is your favourite character from any folklaw?I’m not sure I know many folklaws 😂 The person that comes to mind is rumplestiltskin, but I think thats only bc I love his chacter in Once Upon a Time