#im rlly tired tho so apologizes if this is worded bad

[synthshenanigans]

Small theory of what the next album could be, the story sometimes talks about a partner like in Hidden in the Sand or Haiku and how they probably broke up. Maybe well get songs/an album based on the before and after with that. Vol 1 starts with Outro to Calamity so there might be a prequel type of album next that talks about all that. Plus maybe itll talk about how Heart went blind (if he wasnt already blind that is), because the saying love is blind, love being connected to the heart, it could make sense if it happened then. Idk just spitballin, love to here other ideas tho

[b0nywh0res]

hi!! so since im not active 24/7 anymore i feel like u missed a lot so little update!!

i lost most of my friends. ive had so many depressive episodes and then weird episodes where i would hate them and want them to die. so ig it makes sense but also they know that i have these episodes but wtv not everyone can handle that and i respect that. they didnt have to be such bitches abt it tho. i got them muffins as apology bc i rlly cant control those episodes and they fucking rolled their eyes at me. girl. ur acting as if ur not fucking toxic urself. at least own it omg.

L and i got sooo close irl. shes been way more touchy w me which i rlly appreciate bc its so comforting and makes me feel so much more loved than just words.

and uhm. today was the worst day of my life. i had a panic attack during english class so i left and decided to skip the next period which is allowed if ur in a bad mental state. i told a teacher and he was like okay fine but for some reason the secretary still called my mom? she was so mad bc she doesnt believe in mental illnesses and all that yk so i was too scared to go home. i told my homeroom teacher and she said that there was obv a bigger underlying issue that was causing this. i basically started sobbing and she was so kind to me and hugged me. she even started crying w me oml.

she said that one of the teachers saw me looking at pro-ana sites in class(probably tumblr i hate yall LMAO) and they told her. she wouldnt tell me who it was. if i find out who snitched i will hshdhsjdh. i fr cant let anyone know abt my ed but god i was so close to telling her everything.

she said that i dont have any adults in my life who i can rely on and that i carry way too much for a teenager. shes getting me a school therapists and tbh i dont think itll help much bc ive had a few before but shes so nice to me so ill try. idk if im ready to talk abt my ed yet but i def want to do smth abt my mood swings and everything that comes w it. its so tiring.

she couldnt rlly do anything abt my moms anger so she told me that it was just one day and that i could get through it and i would speak w her again tmr. heating her say that was a real relief ngl. my mom hasnt ever been this mad(except for that one time 3 years ago when she wouldnt allow me anywhere but the attic for 3 weeks) and its rlly scary. home situation isnt great and school isnt either but god id do anything to be at school rn.

all in all life still sucks, i love L and now im starting school therapy. woohoo.

[garfieldsladybird]

no it's okay 😭 istg asks sit in my inbox and age at least ten years ur good.

and nah i didn't bc 💀 idk. it's weird im like touch starved but also hate being touched at the same time. my friends don't like hugs either. sometimes i just need one tho yk. the only person i ever hug is my sister who lives far away.

i mean yea i get jumpy?? i guess. but also it's like even worse w her bc 🏃🏻‍♀️ LMAOO idk. she does make me nervous in a good way but . hh. jeez.

STOP IK OMG i was panicking and i like kinda just barely felt and i was all "oh 😳" and she was like "no actually, feel" even tho i took her word for it help 🪦

no nothing rlly changed 😕 which is good but bad yk. she snapped me in the morning and she called me bestie like :,) okay. but also im glad we're still friends and she's making it easy for me to pretend it didn't happen. when i think about it my stomach feels empty lol.

should i sign off as me or 😦 idk lol. yk it's me anyways.

dude they stay in my box forever and then i remember about em and im like oh shit- yeha speaking of this im sorry for not responding to this 😢

dude I understand being touched starved so much. but ever since school and making friends I get hugs like a daily thing now. and I like it, it’s so strange though. but it’s okay not wanting to be touched, just make sure you establish boundary. not to that girl unless you need too but to anybody.

by jumpy do you mean flinchy? (I flinch a lot) it’s okay to be jumpy though. and nerves are nerves. sometimes they go away though.

i’m pretty sure you are talking about her putting your hand in her pocket or something back pocket- I don’t remember. but okayyy!!!

oh im so sorry lovie. I mean if it does help you in a way to forget about it even though it does suck, than yeah then I’m glad she’s ignoring it though it’s kind of a pretty shitty thing to do but I’m glad you guys are still friends!! I would hate for that to ruin a friendship and that’s happened to me before. but I hope you guys like maybe talk about it though. so maybe you can both understand it from both views..? when you say she snapped at you do you mean like she was mad..? well I don’t mean to intrude on it, so it’s cool if you don’t want to tell me.

I do know it’s you and I’m so sorry for not responding!! I apologize deeply :( I’ve been very busy with school and play rehearsal too.  and then friends and then homework and a bunch of shit. i’m just tired. that’s why I’m getting to this now on the weekend. well I hope you know that I love you and you are amazing! I hope you’re doing well, I said you show much love!! and just know that if nothing happens between you two, it’s okay, you will find someone else and they will love you so much!! and if you ever wanna rant to me about anything you can always talk to me!! on anon or in messages or off anon, just know I love you!! <333