#im sleep deprived because i have to crop these shits

[shxtodxroki]

Hi! So I did send a request but I kinda realized that it was an annon request and I'm not sure if you do those since I didn't see it when I was looking for your rules? Or how old you would prefer but I'm 18.. Also I was sleep deprived as hell and half asleep while writing it soo I don't really remember what it says, I mean I vaguely do but mostly not so I'm going to re-write it! If that's okay of course do not feel pressured to do this or not it's chill if you don't want to. And this is just and ask for MHA matchup just preferably not bakugo or deku I'm very open to side characters like sero or shoji I'm also bi 🏳️‍🌈

Appearance: im a 4'9 Latina girl she/her Curly Dark hair that reaches mid back, I almost always have my hair up in some kind of way. I like my hair down but I feel like I look wierd with it down at the same time? So I only have it down around people I really like. I have dimples, round glasses I need but lose all the time, some tats on my arm Many beauty marks all over my legs and arms and three on my face that I like, big ass Dark eyes with decent lashes, button nose, and I'm fit? I have a pear body because I have a big but and bumper car thighs :( and I dress colorful, kinda retro. Big Chunky earrings and sneakers, bell bottoms and mom jeans with flowers embroidered on, colorful eyeliner, Colorful tube tops or crop tops or just like an oversized shirt, messenger bags, varsity jackets, and if my hair is down head scarfs ( like a bandana not hijab although hijab is really pretty too) and I do have an affinity for oversized hoodies.

Personality: Im a Sagittarius! Mbti- Enfp, Hufflepuff, My fav color is orange and my favorite flower is a marigold. I'm usually a very rational person I don't go into a situation guns blazing and I examine absolutely everything before jumping in, after a brief period of Examining however I'm completely different I'm loud, energetic, Creative, playful, social, bubbly, silly, Assertive, dramatic, very affectionate and loving, and sickeningly sarcastic. I would rather get trampled on by elephants than make someone mad or disappointed but I will not tolerate being treated like shit by people I don't know and will be able to hold my ground. I'm good at arguing but I'm always willing to admit I'm wrong and dont love doing it. I'm a peace keeper who hates when other people fight so I help whoever is fighting work out their issues so everything is good again :) but I have punched people before for my brother so I'm not afraid of violence I just don't like drama or people being mad. Im an adrenaline junkie and love doing stupid shit like playing chicken in the street and trying new stuff. I'm adaptive and have many friends from different places and social groups and I'm like a chameleon, I adapt to those who are around me. I'm always smiling or laughing or joking or at least trying! I'm a busy bee! I hate staying still and not doing anything. I love going outside or going out in general I am a full blown extrovert! Im pretty playful and childish but Im a perfectionist and want to be the best at everything I do, very competitive. I'm very talkative and accidentally ramble or repeat myself. Im a hopeless romantic, I believe absolutely everyone has a someone and I like the kissing in the rain and little picnics or chilling at home to watch a really dumb movie. I love joking around getting others to laugh! I like having inside jokes or little personal moments and I take a lot of pics all the time. My friends have told me I'm very comforting and helpful when they are panicking and I've always liked that I work great under pressure. I can run solely off the serotonin of 1 compliment for week. I'm low-key a neat freak. My friends and family say I'm a bright light and it makes me really happy they feel that way. I value family and friends above all else. I am more than happy to give up an opportunity given to me so a Friend could have it. I'm a ball of energy who has a lot of love to give. And finally my love language is giving gifts and physical touch when I make a friend that is really close I make paper origami butterflies in their fave colors to give them, I make food or give people snacks to show love and I like getting that stuff in return. I'm not huge on PDA but as long as we aren't full on making out or cuddling in public we good 😊 I just get embarrassed sometimes. But I love giving hugs and kisses and I tell people I love them all the time.

Interests/likes: I love reading, writing, running, drawing, anything to with getting lost in my own world. I kayak, surf, swim, workout out and love decorating, I love to play sports like cross country and volleyball and music is amazing (concerts are my favorite thing ever) I like screaming the lyrics to my fave songs, I have fake plants cause I can't remember to keep real ones Alive and and I have two fur babies biscuit the tabby cat and Poco the Border collie. I babysit young kids all the time, I like playing in mud or getting into mud wars (me and my brother and some neighbors did it all the time when we were younger) I love coffee and tea (Ik such a surprising and original trait to have) but it taste great so I like curling up with a romance novel listening to rain out side with tea and some quiet music playing. I like star gazing or doing late night shinanagins. I'm a bit of a shopoholic when It comes to clothes 😅

Dislikes: DOLLS (I fucking hate them) being sick, being underestimate, being pitied or helped, axe body spray, dancing (not a hate but just something I can't do for the life of me.) And finally my laugh, it's not like a cute little one, no its a loud obnoxious annoying one, I laugh a lot but I'm very self conscious about it.

Bad stuff: I seem happy and energetic all the time but I'm really not, I'm tired and feel like shit but I cannot stand asking for help, ever. Unless I'm actively bleeding out I won't ask for help and even then I'll try to drive myself to the hospital first, I'm stubborn and procrastinate a lit, I will work myself so hard on being the best till I break and can't function anymore. I'm very fidgety When I'm stressed I tend to hit myself or pull my hair. I can get very overstimulated or triggered and will get very quiet and curl up and that is a cue I need to leave or get anxiety meds but I need someone to hold me for a good minute or I'll dissociate. I have a hard time letting my feelings out because I feel like I have to be bright and happy all the time to keep others happy and safe it'll eventually build up to the point I break and all my self poison comes out. some days I struggle with my mental disorders so bad I just need love and to be told I'm pretty, which sounds stupid and vain but anorexia and body dysmorphia is not fun and that's the simplest way to help. I have depression, anxiety, PTSD, ADHD and anorexia. Sometimes the happy version of me is to much and I have to take a break and lay down and just have a day with my significant other without people in a space where I'm okay to cry I need people to not freak out when I'm not a ball bursting with energy and just want to sit down and play crash bandicoot, it doesnt mean im mad I just need to recharge!! And I still love everyone just as much even when I'm having a horrible day but I need to know it's okay to be shy sometimes.

I'm sorry this is so long, I again have a habit to ramble but just know your a great writer and I love your stuff! (No this isn't me kissing up) and if you don't want to write this it's perfectly fine, thank you for even reading it, I remember the first time I sent the request I was feeling really overwhelmed and I'm sorry that I'm still a bit overwhelmed so if any of what I wrote was triggering I'm very deeply sorry and I hope you have a good day I just can't pay for therapy and prepping for college is stressful.

Hi hi there, first of all thank you for being so sweet in your request and for the compliments on my writing, it really means a lot to me :) Second of all, I already said most of this when I messaged you before so I'll try not to repeat myself much, but you don’t need to apologize at all, for rambling or for feeling overwhelmed. I appreciate how cautious you are, but I don’t mind being a place to vent if you guys ever need it, so your request was perfectly fine. :] I hope you enjoy your match-up, thank you again for being so kind and for giving me so much information to work with because it really helped! :D

I’d Match You With: 

Mezo Shoji! :D

Reasoning:

I swear I already had him picked out for you even before you sent your most recent request lol, when I saw that you were open to side characters and read through your request my mind immediately went to Shoji! He seems like the type of boyfriend who would be good to you and who could give you the love you need, he’d be able to meet your needs and show you the love and care you deserve <3

Headcanons About Your Relationship:

- Shoji knows you typically have your hair up, and his dupli-arms are perfect for doing your hair so he loves helping you out and styling your hair if you’re willing to let him <3 It’s not something he has a lot of experience in, so you’ll have to help and guide him through things a bit whenever he’s trying out a new hairstyle for the first time, but he catches on quickly and loves doing your hair for you once he does <3

- He also likes tracing his fingers delicately along the lines of your tattoos, or tracing lines between your beauty marks like constellations <3 he thinks they’re all so beautiful and this is one of the more subtle ways he likes to show affection to you, sometimes he’ll even press gentle pecks on your beauty marks if the two of you are alone and he's feeling extra affectionate

- Shoji will give you all his oversized hoodies to wear without you even needing to ask because he knows you love them, and it makes his heart flutter whenever he sees you wearing them out in public <3 He’s too shy to initiate much PDA in public, so he likes when you wear his hoodies while you’re out because he gets to show off his beautiful girlfriend without being too obvious about it at the same time

- Shoji absolutely hates arguing with you, so he makes sure he never gets to the point where you even have to snap at him or escalate things. He knows you’re more than willing to stand your ground and he's glad you're willing to call him out when necessary, and he’s always very receptive when you tell him you’re upset with him because he wants to resolve the issue and improve upon his weaknesses so that he doesn’t hurt you in any way. He’s very good at receiving and adapting to any concerns you have, so arguments never really escalate between the two of you

- Shoji’s definitely much more introverted in comparison to you, but you’re able to compromise in your relationship so that both of your needs get met <3 As long as you’re willing to give him a bit of time to himself/in the house to recharge (which he knows you also need on occasion, so this works out well for both of you), he’s happy to go out with you and your friends with you as well, although you’ll typically be leading the conversions with occasional additions from him as he gently squeezes your hand for reassurance

- Shoji definitely gets pretty shy when it comes to doing romantic gestures for you, but he’s also a very romantic guy despite his nerves so he fulfills all your cheesy romance dreams :> Walking you home after a date as rain gently falls around the two of you and eventually leaning in to press a tentative kiss to your lips (and taking care of you if you end up getting sick later lol), setting up cute little picnic dates, he’s the most romantic boyfriend you could ever ask for even if he’s shy about it

- Shoji’s big on subtle physical touch, especially hugs when the two of you are alone :D He constantly has at least one arm wrapped around you if he’s not holding you completely, with all of his arms. However, he’s much more shy when it comes to kisses ^^ He really likes them though, he’s just too nervous to initiate most of the time so you may have to initiate more often than not if you want kisses from him lol

- Shoji definitely seems like the type of person who really enjoys concerts as well, and as the two of you have been together for a longer period of time his music taste starts to blend with yours, so he frequently gifts you concert tickets so the two of you can go see your favorite bands/artists together <3 He definitely brings earplugs for himself to protect his ears a bit, too, and a pair for you as well if you want them!

- Shoji absolutely adores the sound of your laugh, he knows that you’re self conscious about it so he doesn’t want to draw too much attention to it or make you feel insecure in any way, but occasionally when the two of you are alone and he makes you laugh he tells you how much he adores the sound of you laughing, and how much it warms his heart to see the person he loves the most so happy <3

- Once you feel comfortable enough in your relationship to open up with Shoji about your mental health struggles, he tries his absolute best to support you in every way you can <3 And he makes sure that you know that he never thinks that you're stupid or vain or upsetting him in any way by needing his support (because you're not, you're just struggling and can't fight all on your own which is more than understandable), he just wants to do whatever he can to lessen your struggles because he loves you <3 Whenever he sees that you’re struggling he’ll find a way for you to take a mental health day if at all possible. He’s happy to just stay at home with you all day so you don’t feel any pressure to act happy or bubbly, and he’s willing to either cuddle you or give you space depending on what you need. He’ll happily spend the whole day pampering you and telling you how gorgeous you are and just how much you mean to him/how thankful he is to have you, even going as far as to explain every reason why he loves you as much as he does. He just wants to do whatever he can as your boyfriend to help you work through your struggles <3

Song For Your Relationship:

Unconditionally by Katy Perry :)

[johnyu]

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johnny is me being invested in whatever yuta does and that’s on period

[bluubard]

just a little vent because im really, really tired, my anxiety’s been kicking my ass hard for the last few weeks, and i just feel on the end of my rope dealing with shit even though i literally said i was doing fine in therapy today (spoiler: im not fine)

i feel like i need to preface myself. let it be known. i do not hate my friends. in fact, i care for them quite a bit. i care about their wellbeing, their happiness and health. i enjoy their friendship, and presence, and spending time with them. what i do hate is pity, myself, and the fact that trauma has made my brain so fucked like this to begin with.

so, long story short, its sad boi times, i’m super fuckin’ lonely and isolated, and the grand idea that i’m always gonna be that way - that i’ll never have a partner or a best friend i can just... lean on, bar nothing, nor a happy fulfilling life really rears its ugly head and hurts like a motherfucker sometimes. nothing new.

a long story long...

so i’m a pretty fucking depressing person in general, right? i’m not pleasant and i know it. i bitch a lot, i’m salty, i’m absolutely not the nicest, and a lot of the time i come off a lot meaner and more bitter than i’d like. i don’t mean to. i try to be positive or to look out for others, y’know? at the end of the day, i’m just like every other person. i just want to be liked. to be wanted. to belong.

most of the time... i never feel that way. and like, y’know? its nobody’s fault, really. i know it’s past abandonment and abuse that makes my brain think everyone actually hates me. but sometimes that feeling is founded, which is i suppose how my brain gets away with still feeling like that to begin with.

i’m forgettable. i’m nobody’s best friend, i don’t think i’m lovable - not likeable either, really - nor partner material though i wish i was, and im so sick of being so fucking lonely all the time. i don’t even think my friends consider me friends generally. i’m not really anyone’s friend, yeah? i’m an acquaintance they have to put up with and tolerate when i inflict myself on them.

you know those memes, that are like always making fun of the weakling, the friend who walks behind everyone or who gets picked last in the group (if they’re included at all), that friend who’s never invited to things, or gets pitied? that’s me.

or debatably worse, means so little that if i just disappeared, it wouldn’t matter even a mote. that one really stings. that one i know for a fact is true, and i don’t mean that in a guilt tripping way. just that it’s the way it is. it really kills me.

and like..... i don’t have any irl friends. i didn’t come from a great background anyway, but i attracted a lot of trouble and negativity and in my own pain i pushed away a lot of people and hid until i didn’t know how to be human anymore, and now i can’t, and im alone. there is literally nobody that would actively come check on me or drag me out of my house if i was feeling down. and i’ve tried. i really tried. it’s hard sometimes, to try. maybe being a narcissist or a serial abuser’s playtoy is the only thing i am good for. and this is even before covid, much less now where everyone’s isolated or else.

the people i can genuinely say i love with all my stupid little heart are all across the country and the world. even people i care about in the same state are hours and hours away across literal mountains. that’s all i’ve got. long distance internet friends. and i feel selfish and terrible because i want more and i hate it.

all of those friends have partners. and if they don’t have partners, they already have their best friends. their irl pals. their communities, and groups, and friend-families and companions and lives and just.... i don’t mean that badly. everyone is more than entitled to their life and happiness and i guess i just....

i wish i was part of that. for someone.

i don’t want to be an obligation to respond to, or just..... someone on the edges. the fringe friend. and with online friends i am, i absolutely am, worse than anything. im something to pity and tolerate when the real time is spent having fun with their actual friends and loved ones. i’m nothing to anybody. i know if i just walked away, just closed down discord, blog, wherever else and vanished, nobody would ... i dont know. they’d just shrug, go ‘eh, whatever’ and move on easy and simple. no worry. no concern. and that’s great for them, but i just... want someone to care on principle. its not the guilt trip of the action. it’s the idea of i wish someone would care if something happened to me.

i hate internet friends because i don’t want them to be internet friends. some of the amazing people i know i just wish i could see, whenever i wanted. that i could hang out with them, bring ice cream and bad movies when they’re sad, see and hear them laugh, and have fun, and care. i wish i could just have a big house and my friends could be housemates, or live in the same apartment block, or a fucking little cottagecore farm commune out in the woods where we can all live off the land and each other and grow crops and animals and just be happy. or just... something. something. but i know i’ll never be included in that. everyone else would go. be happy to see each other. just... without me, the ‘not really a friend’, the fucking acquaintance, the stupid, stupid naive little idiot.

i’m so touch starved and sleep deprived and exhausted. my heart always hurts and i’m so full of anxiety and i just. just desperately, DESPERATELY need a hug, and just to be told “bluu, it’s gonna be okay, you matter to me and i care” but you can’t do that when it isn’t actually true. you just can’t. you can’t fake that.

i know nobody would go to bat for me. i’m alone in my own corner. if i have a breakdown, i have to have it alone and shoulder myself because nobody’s gonna be there at my side. i know i’m always gonna be watching from the sidelines, as everyone else is happy, and doing their thing, and has their family and loved ones and i...... shouldn’t even fucking exist.

and i dont want pity. i dont want platitudes or ‘i’m sorry’ or guilt, or ‘i would but...’ or any of that shit. nobody’s supposed to feel bad over this. i’m not in the business of toxic guilting, and im not in the business of fake friendships. that would defeat the purpose of literally anything.

i just...... really wished i had someone who would hold me up and (platonically or romantically. anything.) go “this one! This is the one I want to keep around for as long as possible, please. i want this one.” 

and no matter how hard i wish and pray, that’s just something i’ll never have, and i know it.