#im sorry but i dont think i could ever imagine mama mactavish to be bad

[thejacketscloset]

The awaited Soap's father post :3

Soap's relationship with his father was the definition of complicated, but he never quite realized that until he was old enough to be enlisting.

He never recognized the issues they had when he was young, all he really remembered was the confusion he felt towards his Father at times. He didn't understand how he could change his moods in moments, go from being furious about dinner not being put away to laughing at his mother in some backhanded way.

It's only in his teens when he starts to understand how wrong it is, how it's not normal to be walking on eggshells around your own father every day. He also comes to a very important realization; His mother deserves so much better than that shitbag. With that realization, his homelife begins to go downhill.

Soap would defend his mother with his life, so when he notices she's the target for his Father's jackassery he begins putting himself between the two. He starts to take the brunt of the jokes made at his expense, and eventually what turns into basically verbal abuse.

And what was once a complicated and unsure relationship becomes a straight up hostile one. Soap loses any respect for the man he once had, let's him know so regularly.

The tip of the iceberg is when the verbal abuse teeters just a bit too far, his father's rage runs a bit too hot, and he dares to lay a hand on Soap.

Soap swings back. A fight breaks out, ending in his Father being kicked out and his mother being overwhelmed with guilt. And Soap? All he feels is shame.

Shame that in the end, he only reflected the same anger that had been turned onto him for years. Shame that he became what he feared of being most in that moment when emotions took over. He had promised himself that he would never be like his father, but with that promise broken Soap wasn't sure how to go forward.

He enlists soon after. The fight wasn't the only reason he did so, but it's a strong driving factor. After the fight his mother went through with a divorce, leaving his family in a tight place for funds. Another reason he enlists.

He sees the guilt his mother still carries, and he cries with her when he tells her the news of his enlistment, but it doesn't change his mind. He apologises to her, for that and a million other reasons. But most of all, he apologizes for forgetting what she taught him about being kind, and for letting that rotten man influence him for too long.

Now, in his family of a task force, Soap decides that enlisting was one of the best things he has ever done. While he still carries guilt of not being there with his mother to help care for his siblings, he knows he would never change his mind about any of this. Through his life he learned how to use his anger, when the best time to channel it is. But most importantly, he learned where his kindness belongs, and that he should never withhold it from the people who care.