#im still upset tbfh

[remcycl333]

tbfh, i can't stand loa twitter 😭

like so many are discussing on how to manifest and also bullshit on neville. I don't like it 😇

it makes me upset that they talk down states and how its unimportant, i mean ofc u affirming mindlessly 24/7 is gonna work, but u may ask why?? bc everyone told u and u built that assumption that affirming mindlessly will still get ur desires!

also I don't like how ppl on there make everything abt affirming..... atp idek if they're aware that it's only a method and affirming is supposed to get u into that state which then manifests. see states again, everything is a state. I feel like the reason ppl/beginner struggle to manifest is bc they don't understand the concept of manifesting. the moment u understand that methods are supposed to get u into the wish fulfilled, which makes it real in ur 4d and then THAT STATE is what produces ur desire in the 3d, ur manifesting self concept is perfect.

also the only affirmations I see on Twitter everyday are sp affirmations, it's just..... funny?😭 like man everyone there on my timeline spirals abt sp's and reposts tumblr posts without credit but loa tumblr is supposed to be bad..... chile anyway

I'm honestly glad that I started with loa here on tumblr and not Twitter, the character limits make my blood boil as well if im being fr

it's funny i got this ask today bc i just noticed last night that people are finally beginning to discuss states on loatwt and how important it is in manifesting! so, progress!!

also i believe mindless affirming works the same way subliminals do. even if your conscious mind isn't paying attention to your affirmations, your subconscious mind can still hear it and picks up on it. but i think that actually paying attention to your affirmations can be a good tool for shifting your state and getting your conscious mind acquainted with the idea of having your desire. if you're mindlessly affirming 24/7 and have a shitty mental diet the rest of the time, you might not see success. this was actually my problem a few years ago, so i speak from experience.

i do agree with you abt the affirming thing. it really irks me when people on there say affirming isn't a technique/a method. their argument is that all of your thoughts are affirmations and you're thinking all day long and therefore can never stop affirming--which is true--but i definitely think they're getting a little confused. when we say "affirming" in the community, we clearly are referring to the act of repeating affirmations. like saying "i am rich i am rich i am rich" over and over again on a loop. that is not natural (for most people). Before you knew about the law, you were still able to manifest using your thoughts, but they were your natural thoughts, not ones that you manufactured with the purpose of either manifesting your desire/getting you in the feeling of the wish fulfilled. so i definitely think that affirming is a technique.

however, we are thinking thoughts all day long, and those thoughts have the same effect as affirmations. that's why we tell you to go on a mental diet. as long as you're keeping up a mental diet, you don't have to repeat affirmations if you don't want to. and a lot of people on loatwt seem unable to differentiate the two.

someone replied to one of my tweets saying that it was impossible to manifest without affirming and whoever suggested you should do that probably hasn't been able to manifest shit. which is just so.....

first of all it was a weird thing for them to comment bc my post never said not to affirm or that affirming didn't work, and we all know (over here at least) that i recommend affirming all the time and never say it doesn't work, bc it does! but second of all, i have also shared multiple times on my page that whenever i finally started consciously manifesting it's because i stopped affirming. i still kept up a strict mental diet, but i was no longer repeating affirmations. so yeah, it's 100% possible. i mean, some people manifest just by visualizing or scripting. affirming is not necessary to manifest, and it's definitely a limiting belief to assume that you have to affirm 5 million times a day in order to manifest. (which is essentially what i tweeted and everyone got mad at me lol)

as for the focus on manifesting sps on loatwt, tbh i'm kinda glad to see it. i'm not currently manifesting an sp, but i learned about loa in 2019, and my main goal for 2019-2020 was manifesting an sp. and nooo one talked about it in the communities i was in. loatwt and loa tumblr didn't exist at the time, so i was on the loa reddit and neville goddard reddit and omg. it was mainly just a bunch of middle aged women and men who were SO mean. they were mainly manifesting money and health and jobs, which is all good! we've all been there! but if you were manifesting an sp or appearance changes they were soooo mean to you. especially since at the time i was an 18/19 year old girl, and they looked down on me sooo heavy for that. they would always tell me to move on from manifesting my sp bc "i was too young" and "i'd find someone new" etc. and if you were manifesting appearance changes, they'd tell you you just needed to manifest confidence instead and accuse you of wanting to change your face/body to appeal to the male gaze and make boys like you. and it was just so???? it was so disgusting.

so all that to say that i'm glad that there is a community on loatwt for people who are manifesting sp's without judgement. since i feel like 80% of them are young girls manifesting sps. and other parts of the internet definitely have misogynistic takes on young girls wanting love and relationships, which is gross imo.

the posting of tumblr posts without credit pisses me tf off. someone with like 2000 followers posted one of my posts with my username cropped out and i quote-retweeted it saying it was by remcycl333 on tumblr and she just ignored me and never gave me credit or acknowledged me at all. just such odd behavior. i've called it out many times but i still see people doing it.

i love my loatwt tl bc i've made lots of friends i adore on there, and i loveee twitter circle its so much fun, but every now and then i see shit that pisses me off. another thing that i've noticed with loatwt is that a lot of them have not been able to grasp the fact that everyone manifests in a different way. and that our assumptions about manifesting affect the way we manifest. for example the person i said earlier who said it was impossible to manifest without affirming. like they said that to ME of all people hahahaha it made me laugh

anyway! i still enjoy it there but i'm hoping they can have some discourse on there that we've had on here like, a year ago. such as the importance of states and how affirming isn't the only way to manifest. cuz i do see a lot of petty and useless arguments on there simply bc two people manifest in different ways. and they're always subtweeting each other it gets on my damn nerves

sorry for typing so much i just wanted to share my thoughts! <3

[yk-im-no-good]

omfg

ok tbh my (1) follower DONT READ THIS ACTUALLY ILL END MY LIFE AND PUT YOU ON MY SUICIDE NOTE. im being emo under the keep reading

tbfh ive locked myself in my room since like 5/6 pm idfk. but it's cause I DONT KNOW i was and still am in such a poo mood. liek first my mom promised me yesterday she'd take me to the laundromat today so i can wash my plushies MIND YOU I WAS GONNA PAY FOR ALL OF IT (which isnt sm cuz it's just a bunch of fucking QUARTERS so i wasnt gonna b paying a shartload). and pos NEVERMIND cause she's too tired which is! ok well im not mad she's tired cuz ever since my brother and his kids moved in everythings been 100x stressful for everyone especially her. but idk. maybe it's on me for not seeing this soonerbut she acted like she had no idea wht i was talking abt like...ok...and then she was like "later" BUT LATER NEVER CAME. and then my niece broke my pride fan and idk i didn't get mad at her but i was upset asf cuz THAT SHIT MEANS A LOT TO ME ? like idk i got it at my first pride festival w diana and even if it's just cheap plastic it still holds sentimental value to me. so after tht i just went into my room n listen to sad music which made me even MORE SAD . so i started crying. and den i was like ok well fuck it tumblr theme customizing time. so i did tht and liek. throughout the entire time ive been in my room my niece has been banging on my door, my nephews kept trying to get their dog to fight manchiis thru the crack under my door until i yelled @ them to stop. and den my niece kept banging at my door and i ignored it bc liek. SHE ALWAYS DOES THT EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR EVERY LITTLE DAY. and most of the time ill go along w it cuz liek whatever dude. but i fr didn't wanna be bothered bc i was upset and didn't wanna lash out @ anyone . and then she stopped then liek. in the middle of tumblr customizing my brother knocked on my door and asked if i wanted to eat, i said no LOUDLY CUZ I KNOW IT"S HARD TO HEAR WITH MY MUSIC. and then he left me alone for five mins and then he knocked on my door again and was like vale i cant walk. but i didnt even process w he said cause i didn't even fucking hear him. so i was annoyed and walked out and i see him at the end of the hallway laughing and i go in the kitchen and everyones staring at me giggling. and he was like see she came ^___^ !! and my SIL was like omg she did hehehehe. and even my mom was there laughing. and i felt so fucking embarrassed idk like it felt like they were treating me like a kid. and my brother asked if i wanted to eat again and i was like NO . cause what the fuck is wrong with you like actually. dont fucking humiliate me like that bc if u fr cant walk im not gonna be there for u bitch !!!!! and then my niece started chasing me and trying to get into my room and i was just like . no. and then i started crying again but you know i kept at it for my tumblr theme idgaf. coding this custom cursor through the fucking tears idgaf !!!!!!!!!!! and then my mom called me out to the laundry space asking if i could help her move some stuff for a garage sale into her trunk. n i was liek ok. and then my brother comes and looks at me and asks my mom what she's doing. and then he pats my head and asks if i need help w something and i flinch away from him and say no. then he starts helping my mom with the stuff like picking up 3 of the big ass bags of stuff . and i go back in my room cuz i don't want to talk to him i dont even want to be fucking near him. and then i started crying in my room again. and tbh idk if it's bc im on my period or what. but liek im in such a bad fucking mood

[holycalf]

i started watching sku bc of your blog (and i really enjoy it!) but i dont get why you seem to like shiori but not ruka....i mean it seems like his intentions were a lot better than hers ever were tbfh am i missing something? not saying he went about things GREAT but....at least he actually seemed to care. shiori was just a bitch for the sake of being a bitch it seemed like...

hi! im glad ure enjoying it! it can definitely be a lot at times, and i think the first 12 eps can rub ppl the wrong way so props to u for getting thru those (even tho i liked em :) ) this is gonna be long so if u feel like reading an essay feel free to read under the cut

um.. i dont really know where to begin tbh? i mean you cant really talk about any of these characters without talking abt the other two so.... this is gonna be long.

so lets take shiori, who has a very classic case of internalized homophobia. which is confirmed by ikuhahras outtake on ep. 17 which states the following

 “I finally realized the truth. To think that she loved me back! What a miracle! But...‘The loser in love is the one who lets their heart be ruled by it.’Everyone's adopted a provocative attitude toward someone of the opposite sex that they like at least once or twice, to get that person to notice them. So it's okay if I do that.This love will crumble if we touch. But when people don't touch, the love eventually dies away .That's why I decided to keep your love prisoner. To make sure that you love me forever. That game will make our love ‘eternal.’ I'm sure of it.We were ‘lovers lost from the beginning.”

so shioris in love with juri. im not sure if thats something u caught onto or not but its definitely the quintessence of her character, and needs to be considered when we consider her against ruka- since its a shared affection. also, i just like shiori, i dont necessarily think shes GOOD i just enjoy watching her and she feels very raw. shiori has a crippling inferiority complex, you can even tell through off handed conversations with her friends in hallways she exaggerates her stories to be more liked. juri is someone who has things come easy to her, and doesnt even really seem to care or notice. in the shows canon shes: liked by the student body, liked by teachers, admired by men (and girls too), academically inclined, good at bowling, captain of fencing club (and likely the most talented duelist- since shes the only one utena never properly beats) and a MODEL?????????? and shiori, at least in her own eyes, is painfully mundane. growing up next to someone who seems to have everything go in their favor, all of the while youre harboring having feelings for them (and jealous that youre among SO many suitors) is so frustrating! especially when you dont believe to have any at all. the elevator sequence when she discovers juris locket is a bit of a power trip for shiori, and also just a sort of confusion. shioris “why do you look at me like that?!” when she considers juri mid breakdown is a clear reflection of her own confusion, she may as well be saying “how could you possibly love me?”...but that was the black rose arc which all got undone anyways- so by the time we see shiori ruka arc she doesnt even know juris got the hots for her. when she first sees ruka, shes staring at juri first and only zeroes in on ruka once she hears people talking abt him. she takes ruka the same way she did that boy in middle school because he seems to be something coveted by the girls around her, its a very closeted gay girl move to decide to go for a boy just because other girls are into him... and it definitely helps that hes in such close contact w juri...he could easily be the one stored in that locket of hers, so why not take him? 

so then we have ruka, who the entire time we watch him is smug, condescending, and genuinely one of the most unpleasant characters on the show. by the end we learn hes in love with juri, so maybe this persona was embellished to push her towards revolution to “free her from shiori” or whatever but.... sorry i dont care LOL! the way he treated shiori ALONE was enough for me to dislike him, there was NO need to tear apart and embarrass the girl like that. he took clear advantage of her crush on juri. his locker is seen right next to juris, and shiori is pressed up against one of the two lockers, but we arent shown which,  “after all, that wasnt my sword,”....he knows shiori has been going to juris locker (and potentially polishing her sword but who knows. all we know is that she goes to juris locker.) and it is later revealed hes extra certain of her feelings because upon publically dumping her (another dick move) we hear her kinda stutter “I love you more than.... I love you more than anyone else” shes clearly beating around a bush because theyre in public, hes pinpointed she and juri are both into eachother, and instead of being a normal ass guy about it and just SETTING THEM UP and telling them to work their stuff out he chooses to, “out of love”  assault juri, emotionally manipulates the girl juri is in love with,  then inadvertantly cause juris locket to break which upsets her so deeply she forfeits her duel with utena. and upon that locket breaking he has the AUDACITY to think hes somehow freed her from something... when the girl is breaking down crying in the rain (the first and only time we ever see juri cry...even if its implied she does it in the shower that one time lol).......then just???dies??? like all he does in his time on the show is cause problems and die, all because he couldnt get over his feelings for a lesbian.... it just feels SO gross to me that he hides his assault and general abuse (can we talk abt how he likely took shioris virginity, JUST to break her down???) behind some icky hero complex

PLUS we see shiori at the end of that episode realize shes in that locket while juri is dueling, and we see her run up to juri at the end of the ep and it doesnt look malicious, it feels very...resolutiony? esp when you put it next to the miki/kozue closing scene of their car arc duel, which is explicitly bad terms, this feels more hopefully....suggesting some part of shiori has at least changed. ruka never got that luxury, he completely exploited two girls in order to add dramatic flare to his last few days and felt valid in doing so..... shiori never seemed to think her actions were JUSTIFIED.....which is sort of the point of the black rose arc where shiori is arguably at her worst........... the very ugliest part of ppl are brought out in those elevator sessions so thats what we see of shiori? 

sorry for the essay!! but i hope this helps and make sense :-) feel free to ask any more questions u have abt the show, and i hope u continue enjoying it! im assuming ure still watching it, i dont know how far u are but if u JUST finished 29 then that means ure getting to some of my fave episodes! (33,37,39 :) ) 

tl,dr: shiori never assaulted anyone

[jewpacabruhs]

hi guys! so this post is gonna be a rambly mess but fuck it, here ya go. if u dont wanna read all of it, u dont have to; skip down to underneath the tl;dr in bold text for the important bits :)

(there’s a brief & non-graphic mention of a triggering topic in the next paragraph. please be sure to skip this next paragraph if the thought of suicide is going to upset you.)

alright. so i didn't share this originally, but i spent some time in a psychiatric unit this month. suicidality related. 1000% unrelated from anything online, i've just struggled with depression for a very long time & shit happens. i didn't intend to share that at all & i certainly don't want pity; i'm telling u guys bc my time in the unit was extremely eye-opening, and i have some insight to share. since i've gotten out, with the help of my newest anti-depressant (fourth time’s a charm lol), i'm seeing the world in a better light & i finally have the energy to and the interest in exploring what it has to offer, which frankly i've never had before.

with that has come the realization that i’ve come to do something very unhealthy, and i want to break out of it. and that’s how much i’ve come to rely on my fandom life. i don’t want to get too candid publicly, but mental illness took a lot from me, and i lost most of my life, my future, and my options in the last few years. next year will involve a lot of working on rebuilding things. but in the time that i let things fall to pieces around me & i absolutely couldn’t get out of bed, i had a phone and i had a laptop. so when i couldn’t get up and physically face the world, i built up a new world online.

and i don’t think that’s a completely uncommon experience. most people are able to better manage things, and evenly juggle real life with an internet life (like i did back in middle school), because most people can’t abandon their real lives entirely like i managed to; but i do think a lot of people nowadays rely on their fandom life and their fandom friends when their irl situation isn’t ideal. and that’s an excellent coping mechanism in theory, but i think it’s debilitating in the long run.

forgive me for sounding like an old person, but i’m a heavy nostalgist and a bit of an anarcho-primitivist in that i resent modern technology's influence on society - but that hasn't stopped me from letting it be a big part of my life out of accessibility. the internet kept me occupied during my low points, and i became dependent, but i've realized i don't wanna live like that anymore. i’m vaguely grateful that it usually kept me busy enough that i wasn’t thinking the bad thoughts as frequently, but more than anything, i’m resentful that my grasp on reality got lost somewhere along the way, and i let time get away from me, too. because, again, an internet life should be a fun hobby, but when it’s a lifestyle and it becomes an excuse to avoid dealing with our real lives, bc our real lives aren’t as rewarding or as exciting, then it’s unhealthy.

everything’s at our fingertips these days, but i deeply believe human interaction, fun, and fulfillment shouldn't be spoon-fed to us through a screen. it's easy access, sure, but at the end of the day, is it any way to live? compared with how much world there is to see, i’m no longer satisfied with the thought of sitting behind a screen for another five years. i used to be, when i had no hope and no drive, but not anymore. i’m not gonna let myself settle for staying busy with the thing that takes the least amount of work & movement. not only because i’m a whole ass adult who needs to start sorting my shit out for the long run, but also because i deserve better.

and it’s fucking hard! especially for those of us who are neurodivergent. i dropped out of school three fucking times due to crippling social anxiety and utter lack of ambition and energy. i lost all my friends through that (making friends post-school is hard af); the thought of having to go out and remake friends makes me wanna fucking cry. i have a hard enough time making friends online, i’ve even come to struggle with correspondence thru text & email. phone calls? outta the question. but that’s therapy shit, and i know i’ll get there. i just have to stop putting life off by staying in a comfort zone.

and it’s interesting; depression and anxiety really took everything from me, and while i was dwelling in my own misery, my adhd worsened and decided to make my entire brain revolve around my fixations, so i didn’t have to deal with my own life. can’t think about how much you wanna die and how much you can’t function in society if you’re busy thinking about a ship you like or a character you find interesting. so i latched onto the safety of that. aggressively. problem with that is that once you let your “happiness” (as much of it as you can feel in the midst of your depressive episode, anyway) revolve around an interest, that’s all you have. so you become dependent and reliant, and that’s never good, especially if you’re someone like me who feels pathetic & ridiculous when you realize it’s all you can bring yourself to care about. 

and i think that’s what i realized in the psych ward (where there’s legitimately nothing to do; i did soooo much more thinking than usual, and i already think too much haha); mental illness will try to fuck up your lifestyle, so you have to eradicate the things that’ll let that happen in the first place. for example, like i said, my adhd tries to counteract my depression by making me hyperfixate and/or hyperfocus on something else to protect me from bad personal thoughts, and that’s good in theory (doing something you enjoy when you feel bad, to distract urself, is the number one most basic coping skill you learn), but i can’t do it in moderation, i let it run my life, and that’s made me worse in the long run. so i have to force myself out of that completely and not let myself fixate on things that make me happy in the short term, but don’t ultimately further me as a person. having fixations helped me through some awful times, but now i need to force myself to grow up, you know?

and while tumblr and other social media is an excellent way to indulge those fixations, it’s an aggressive enabler, in more ways than one. what i mean by that... okay, so while i’m the type of person who self-destructs while unhealthy, i do occasionally lash out. and i know some people completely explode rather than implode when they’re not doing well. and that’s how you get discourse, i think. because when mental illness makes us care much more about our interests than we ought to, and someone has a differing opinion about that interest, the instinct is of course to attack, if you’re that kind of person. i don’t think i am, but depression and boredom go hand in hand, and i might be inclined to care more about discourse than i would if i were healthy, purely because it’s entertaining and something to do. 

that’s a long winded way of saying, while i stand wholeheartedly by my past positions, i do regret starting shit in the first place. i’m not the kind of person who genuinely cares about much and i have little to no sense of morality (im a chaotic neutral bastard), so the fact i was bored enough to start shit really goes against my character and says a lot about how bad i’ve been. so i apologize for all that. but, again, i think that's just what happens when something is truly your everything. and i think the chronic negativity of modern fandom is a result of how damn seriously we all take it, because we care so much and we’re so dependent. fandom’s supposed to be fun, but it’s just too damn stressful this way.

idk my point in sharing all this, but i do think it'd be cool if this kinda got yall thinking. even if you don't engage in discourse, if fandom is just one of your only consistent sources of happiness, that's not healthy either. we all gotta break out & exist more & louder & more positively. and unfortunately i think tumblr fandom (and maybe all modern fandom) is no longer a place that encourages positivity and health.

but for all my criticism, i do just wanna say how eternally grateful i am that i was fortunate enough to meet the people i call my best friends through tumblr. they're my family, truly, and all the bullshit in this fandom has been worth it simply because it brought them to me. i love them to death and i always will, even if interests change, even if we grow apart, even if we quit speaking entirely in the next few years, i love them with my whole heart in a way that transcends a simple fandom friendship and i'm so glad we bonded over sp in the first place. that’ll never change.

i will also always love south park itself. now that the cat's outta the bag about my hospital visit, i can brag about my most pathetic and obsessive accomplishment; the fact that i've never let circumstance stop me from watching a new south park as it airs, and i've now watched sp on 1) an airplane, and 2) in a psych ward. i win for most dedicated fan tbfh. dsjkf & i'll keep that tradition, and i'll still watch this stupid show til it ends! it'll always hold a special place in my heart, & kyman's still my most meaningful & long-term ship. i'll never stop loving it. 

tl;dr

so, to recap; for 2020 i'm making myself step back from fandom (not just sp fandom, but fandom in general) and quit letting my world revolve around my fixations so i can enjoy the outside world a little more, mental illness be damned, and the first step is gonna be quitting tumblr. this blog won't be deleted and i may occasionally post (maybe when next season airs) but you're absolutely free to unfollow bc this'll be a mostly inactive blog. i’m also unfollowing everyone, so mutuals, please don’t take that personally. 

i will, however, try to write more prolifically, bc fic writing is something i'm able to do in moderation & enjoy, and i hope to get back into it. so if you'd like, you can keep an eye out for any upcoming fanfic i may post - my ao3 is leere. i also have snapchat, instagram, & twitter my mutuals can ask for asap (bc ill be logging out for good by the afternoon of the 31st, which is tomorrow) - though i'm not very active on any of them. still, if you wanna have access to me, i’ll be there.

i want some connection to the fandom still, albeit without letting my life revolve around it, so i'll be starting a new open-to-the-public kyman discord server! the post with the invite for that will go up soon. nvm im too anxious  

thank you for reading, thank you for the good times (thnks fr th mmrs), and i hope everyone has a good 2020! 

[brackenfur]

okay so . i finished a vision of shadows and im gonna post my Thoughts on the arc here:

things i liked:

darktail was a good villain. he was scary, he was manipulative, he was mean. he felt THREATENING which is someting the other villains sometimes lacked (hawkfrost cough cough), he kinda reminded me of first series brokenstar a little & i LIKED darktail as a villain. him being onestars son is also so conceptually hilarious

alderheart was cute & i liked how nice and caring he was. he wasnt like.....unintentionally a jackass or annoying to read, he was just kind and always reinforced that. i also liked how he made t he most of his situation and became an awesome medicine cat

also puddleshine is a good boy too. puddleshine/alderheart FOREVER

also needletail. oh my god needletail. i remember someone saying “just read the books u wont like needletail THEN” but nope................i fcking love her. shes a good character. her death made me SO upset even though i knew it was coming & im such a sucker for her and violetshines found family dynamic

SPEAKING OF VIOLETSHINE i liked her a LOT. her & alderheart were my fave pov characters - theres something i really sympathize with and love in violetshine, and i liked her arc about finding her home and being so confident in it, but i also like all the moments where she was filled with doubt and bad memories. one of my fave scenes with her is when sleekwhisker is like “remember when we were friends???” & violetshine is like “no.........i Absolutely dont rememebr that. you were all mean to me.” bc YES violetshine, YOU TELL HER!

sleekwhisker was a LOT of fun. shes just mean as shit and i found myself liking that, theres nothing deep abt it. shes just so fucking rude and shes a fun secondary antagonist

tigerheart & dovewings kids are adorable

i really liked that last scene in the raging storm when tigerheartstar agrees to share a border with skyclan & hes like “oh so we wont be near thunderclan anymore???” & leafstar is like ?????/ & hes just like “thank GOD. we’ve been near them for waaayyyyy too long” & bramblestar joins in on joking wiht him being like “yeah well we’re glad not to be near YOU anymore either”, and the rest of the clans are just like “oh man what will we DO without thunderclan and shadowclan butting heads anymore???’ that just made me smile. i like the scenes wtht he clans joking with one another and all

also alderhearts last tidbit where he looks at violetshine & twigbranch and thinks abt needletail and how far theyve all come and just oges “i hope youre happy in starclan, needletail, i miss you.’ was really cute. it made me kinda emotional

leafstar was so good in this arc. i liked her and skyclan a lot bc they were so rightfully DONE with everyones shit - from being taken advantage of to being driven out, she just HAD it with all of them and i was like you know what.....good job. i’d be mad to that place is a freakshow

shattered sky is probably one of my fave warrior books i wont lie

i loved the scene where all the clans fight darktail and they show how each of the clans are using their own skills to fight him, and they list how they’ll do it - i just like the idea of them all coming together, and that battle was REALLY good. shattered sky was just good

things i DIDNT like:

oh boy.

briarlights death. im still so mad that out of every character, the ONLY one who dies is her in river of fire. like no lets not get rid of the older cast or characters who havent done ANYTHING in all the books.....like it just made me rly mad and still does. i miss her so much :(

im gonna be honest - i said it once a long time ago and i’ll say it again: its hard for me to like tree as a concept when hes this able bodied character who has an ENTIRE new role created for him just bc he doesnt feel like doing anything else in a clan but characters like briarlight and longtail werent allowed to become warriors after their respective injuries, or characters like jayfeather and cinderpelt are forced to become medicine cats. like its just hard for me to like him when in the SAME BOOK briarlight dies and tree gets his dumb new role.

darktail shouldn’t have died so early tbfh. like after he died the last 3 books were just really.....underwhelming. sleekwhisker came back for that one book but it was like. there were no villains?? except. the weather i guess

the whole “the clans dont listen to the medicine cats” got really repetitive after like the 4th book.  like it started to just kinda get annoying when alderheart would go to bramblestar ad hes just like “okay but...i dont want to do anything JUST yet son” like WE’VE BEEN OVER THIS 10 TIMES NOW

i didnt like jayfeather in these books, im sorry. like there were little glimpses of him i liekd - when he was hanging around fuzzball, or small scenes with him and alderheart - but he was just.....too mean sometimes. how he treated alderheart and twigbranch really bothered me sometimes bc it felt so mean-spirited. they kinda overdid his grumpiness i think bc theres just a line between being a grump and just being an asshole and he was falling on the latter i think

twigbranch & flypaws relationship reeeeallly bugged me ngl, esp since i feel like there wasnt any scene where twigbranch realized she was really wrong for how she treated her. like yes i understand twig was rly frustrated but flypaw is an APPRENTICE & twigbranch being like “i have to be really mean to her for her to understand she needs to Be Better” bugged me. hmph.

finleap

TIGERHEARSTAR JUST LIKE AS A CONCEPT

tawnypelt not saying anything when she saw dawnpelts spirit like???? thats her baby?????????????????

the whole arc felt really repetative in the last 3 books , i mentioned it before but i just. got annoyed with how much it was like “okay we need to come together” clans: i guess “okay we need to stop fighting” clans: okay and then the next book they dont do that. like it happened way too much and i was just liek CAN WE HAVE ANOTHER CONFLICT OR SOMETHING

the name twigbranch

tigerheartstar being “chosen” to lead shadowclan when other cats could’ve done it for him lol

also tigerheartstar being broguht back to life bc apparently he was just That Special out of EVERY OTHER CHARACTER IN THE SERIES 

[cryptidwithwings]

The whole vixx hiatus is making me sad. I knew it was coming and it's not a surprise in that respect. But it's still a rather long time and vixx mean a lot to me. Seeing them all cry and knowing that despite everything, their future is a little unsure... It's upsetting to say the least.

Kpop in general and vixx in particular have played a big role in me gaining confidence. I don't know why or how but it happened but it did and those idiots mean a lot to me bc they're cheering me up. And tbfh the number of times I've not been okay at all and told myself it's okay to not be okay, just bc some random korean man (cha hakyeon) said it.... Unreal. And it's helping. And idk im just emo and wanted to say it out loud

Apart from that... seeing almost all of vixx cry, Jaehwan saying it's not the end until it ends... If you wanted me to die you could have just said so???

[mifhortunach]

@thaliatimsh​ - im so sorry!!!! a vague ‘riffing off of (tm)’ what i was saying? (trying to say) last night  - but Mostly// word splurge everywhere :/ - unsure if theres either a/t Clear or!! tbfh a/t of worth here, but yk :T :S !

thaliatimsh said: I thiNK you are RIGHT re: distance n i wonder. … why. Considering distance in gibson bein murdererererd scene… tins of mystery… (like a week previous MAX). I wonder. Why. Im not very good at bein clear anyway im. Fffff.

=> fgksdhfg, idk if youve had the same thought w this as i have, or mabs,, its lead to/from the same thought but like. Hickey’s plan was always probs gonna end/hinge a lil on cannibalism? [‘Lads Gotta Eat! People Made O’ Meat!’; Hickey’s Personal Sledge Hauling Song, 1847.] Ofc they all already know tht the cans are making them Weak & WEird™ .

so im Not getting confused!!! Just #FAx: at some point theyre gonna run out of food With Them, so Options~: 1) take tins proffered by crozier, 2) somehow they manage to find game! 3) boys were made for eating

So assuming tht no ones gonna keel over anytime soon, theyre deffo gonna have to kill /Someone/

Once gibson ‘runs out’ [[ :(( ]], they gotta go back to tins, or they gotta get another Body p much. ppl who CAnt be ate!: Hickey (ofc), Diggle (For Now/, until Armitage gets his HACCP qualifications), Goodsir (butchers are hard to train up, lads might get queezy chopping up their M8s)

Gkdsfhgk, distance as a food preparation method, a book by cornelius (EC) hickey !! - is what im TRYINBG to get to as my point !!! jfc, idek

but idk if thats rly necessarily a v strong (or tbf, Accurate) Take yk? i gotta think it over, & leave this pot boiling someplace else temporarily or smth

=====================

[[i think,, what i meant w/ Deliberateness, as much as i like. ½ tried to articulate it there last night (& now having read over a lil of tht, have v little clue WHat Exactly i was trying to be saying there tbfh), is that Of Fckn Course// hickey is deliberately setting him Apart “DELIBERATE isolation of hodgson during that scene (plate, cutlery, separate space, different /meat/)” like u said!! But i think up Til tht point, its one of those weird cases where its not being Enforced~ as such? [tht might just be my own reading tho? Which are.. while Not ~Notoriously Off-Base? But often taking the ‘’wrong part’’ of a thing as the important element, or just straight up Confused, rip lmao]

Like /Like/. The Hodgester™ has just turned up into a place already filled w dudes who are all a lil asshole-ish & starving! - & enough of them are running from a hierarchy issue, rather than a deep abiding love for EC, i suppose? Uhm - && they all wanna Be There (for want of a better descrip/). So, i was ½ at it thinking(?) abt if it was mayhaps (originally) one of those things where u accidentally(?) isolate yrself from the rest of the group bc u dont wanna bother/intrude/dont feel welcome [The Sk00l Feelingz] & thru that slight gap you end up falling thru the cracks as twere & /Actually/ becoming Set Apart. 

&& like. Idk, on #mutineers side; hes just turned up! Hes Hierarchy!! & yk still,,, Officers/Men Divide~ the line drawn in the 6ft X 4ft ice-cave separating the messdeck & the wardroom ! which despite no longer /Rly/ being in place now, or honestly nearly as much as gone post-walkOut, has gotta be subconsciously embedded ? dunno [tbfh, im word vomiting rly Badly// now - i think u were & Are!! Right abt it, & yr fic Felt Right// abt it!! Which means it may as well be True & Canon & Real, etc: Often Always thinking abt the different ways of saying lieutenant, oof :( ] ]]

maybe what i mean is like; I'm Not Sure! (personally :S ) if it started out Accidentally, Deliberate Banal, or Deliberate Malicious, yk??

&& Whether its been a gradual progression, or happened much more Starkly when they decided to captainnap crozier, or spatchcock chicken gibson & other stuff? dunno

((i gotta [REally Gotta//] rewatch the last couple of eps, so i get the planning/timing etc right in my head? bc idr if the plan to marry tuunbaq was ‘hatched’ pre or post captainnapping, or if they were related At All -> do feel like the hermitage i mentioned going on has gotta be extended just so tht i can think things into #clarity, as well as actually watch the show again before making up shit, lmao)) 

--- thinking abt: 

possibly hodgester’s confession & inability to kill hickey in contrast w fitzy’s confession & offering up of his body? but idk what that IS or MEANS, or if its even THERE [yr talk of him as,, ‘the average mans james fitzjames’ is,, im Lov,, Truly Banger & Deeply Upsetting :( ]

smth poss to be said abt how Much// of what george says/dialogue is abt food & his big monologue is abt cannibalism & transubstantiation yk? Idk [hodgester, location: North Artic Circle, likes: etymology, religious guilt, languages, musical instruments, food & learning abt how its prepared :(( ] other than, yk, Mood, Big Same There Lads

===

To Conclude, yr 100000% right, Magnus Manson Good Boy, Packed The Plates & Forks

[kiara-carrera]

give me hcs of our girlies pls and thanks

AHHH THE BABIES

the best of friends

brooke sort of adopts dak after jughead leaves because she needs solid friends

and why not befriend the girl she totally had a crush on at 13

im not saying dak was part of brooke’s bisexual awakening

but she totally was

10/10 would still date dak rn tbfh

anyways they become wicked good friends

SUPPORTIVE BABES

helping each other with crushes

“JUST FUCKING TALK TO HIM!” “language”

dak tutors brooke in math bc a bitch be failing

towards the end of s3, brooke becomes a member of the chambers household

awkward family dinners when the boys are invited

usually leads to brooke and dak getting grounded somehow

“how was i supposed to know saying fangs gave you a hickey the size of montana would end badly?”

also brooke totally helps dak hide said montana sized hickey

so it’s like constant sleepover vibes

brooke trying to get dak to wear less grandma vibes clothes

dak dragging brooke to church

“but what if i burst into flames?” “i’ll protect you, don’t worry”

best friend cuddles

brooke and fangs being wicked close whereas dak and pea are like “…hi?”

brooke constantly making fangs jealous

snapchat stories are constantly of each other hanging out

brooke drags dak to parties

dak spends the night yanking vodka bottles out of brooke’s hands

brooke’s prepared to fight people (usually fangs) for dak

dak being prepared to drop everything at a moment’s notice if brooke’s upset

usually that “everything” is fangs “pouty face forever” fogarty

dak refereeing brooke and fangs’ arguments

send me an ask!

[azoraahai]

fanfic asks + 1, 14 & 23

1.) favorite fic you wrote this year? i definitely loved writing for death ringer! even though it physically drains me to write for her because she is a very depressing character, i really liked to explore that part of her. most of the characters i write start out with a semi-positive beginning and for dom, i had to immediately jump into a wicked dark mindset in order to write her properly.

14.) a fic you didn’t expect to write? ohhhh that would definitely be anything dc related. a few people know about this ( including you ), but i do have a mera/oc and a donna troy/oc planned out. i haven’t wrote anything for them at the moment because my ttss ocs are my main focus right now. and speaking of that series, i did not expect myself to write half of those ocs. like it was supposed to just be steve, bucky, peter q, and gamora. the rest came up out of nowhere and i was like whattttt???

23.) fics you wanted to write but didn’t? okay that is my damaged mind series ocs. that series is strictly for the netflix marvel shows ( which im still upset that all are gonna be cancelled and recasted ), but i’m upset because i never got to pay much attention to them this year. my matt murdock fic will be the first one to be posted for sure, but who knows when that will be tbfh. 

send me some end of the year fanfic questions

[spark1edog]

alcohol/suicidal ideation cw

long ramble about. Things ig. tldr: moving house, coping with substances, really going BbrbrrrrrRrr about having turned Older

i had my bday party on the 28th and went kinda wild at the liquor store so there’s just been. soooo much alcohol in the fridge and like it hasn’t even been a full week and it’s almost entirely gone. ive been avoiding day drinking pretty well, but this month has put me through the fucking wringer goddamn

i had my first booth vending for my small business early this month, then i greyed out a whole week and it was birthday time, blacked out a couple more days, then it was a few days until the party, and since then ive been even MORE out of it and losing time AND now we have to fucking move. im also like mega depressed but that’s probably just because ive been drinking and also taking my meds so. whatever it’ll go away maybe

im just super worried and kind of ashamed of how easily alcohol could become a big problem for me. the only barrier now is money, and maybe distance when we get to the new place. sighs i just.

i hate moving so much it’s really hard for me emotionally cuz moving is usually associated with a terrible situation for me, but this time it isn’t and it’s like. my body is kind of in shock and ive been so so so dissociated bc of all the feelings and memories moving brings up.

it’s a terrible sensation i feel it in my stomach and groin almost, that tends to be where the most visceral confusing deep seated stress is felt for me. to compound things, my hip has been causing problems RIGHT after my back stopped. so walking and lifting things has been hard and im. agh im dreading packing and moving and thinking about all of the bullshit logistics and stuff behind everything.

my mom was like. hey do you want me to tell you guys (me and my partner) how much this is costing As A Life Lesson? and i just said. listen man. that will make everything so SOOOO much worse for me bro. like if something financial related is like relevant to a conversation you don’t have to Hide it or anything just. i really really don’t need every detail because that will just make me feel triggered and guilted and then i’ll REALLY have a rough time with this move.

it’s interesting though that like. when we moved in here it was a genuinely just. awful time and i didn’t even plan to survive to see the next place tbfh, but im here now and it’s really very surreal and scary and im. upset. there’s so much going on mentally like. god how the fuck did i let myself get this far away from The Plan yk like. i never planned to be 21. Never. i thought i would die under 19. i fucking Wanted to. but i like. i don’t now, not right now, i think ill still die young probably but. i have concrete like reasons to live now and plans for a future where i can maybe even be kinda happy. i just. it’s so fucking scary to have gotten to this point where im actually. somewhat content with being alive.

and now moving out of this place in that position is. hopefully going to make it easier to bounce back, im just trying to focus on what i want to do with my room and all that. i want to try to get to community college in 2023 i think, but im just trying to get through the day right now. im just fucking exhausted on so many levels and like. the system has been cooperating more or less on making sure things stay moving and stuff but. god im just so. fucking. tired. all the time. i just want to be Done and stay that way for a minute.

[gedzilla]

tbfh.... this is upsetting me so much that i kindof dont know how im going to react if she does get upset at me tomorrow/writes me up or something. i dont know if i’ll be able to handle it if she somehow punishes me or even sounds upset. what if i flip out and quit. what will i do. if i do nobodys going to want to hire me again. the vocational rehabilitation place is a Drive and a Half away from me so i dont know if i’ll be able to even get there consistently to have them help me find a new job. and i cant go to them if i do still currently have one even if i tell them i cant handle it there. you have to Not Be Working for them to help you.

[twunkhector]

What were your thoughts on S5 of prison break?

okay.

i have a lot of mixed feelings with it tbfh. obviously i’m happy that we finally got a happy ending because that sad michael is dead bullshit like nah not happening on my watch sorry went. however, that being said..... this season did Test me. 

first of all i think it was too short for the story arc they tried to pull off. there was WAY too much going on and it was really confusing particularly at the beginning and i felt like things didn’t get fully fleshed out that should have been, i.e. certain characters (the new characters). i also felt cheated for things i wanted to see i.e. more sucre and more family reunion time like i wanted to actually see them all at a bbq at the end hanging out, michael interacting with both sara and his son at the same time. 

second im still really Miffed about the whole Sid dying situation particularly after they were like all like U ARE QUEER U CAN DO THIS !! like....evidently queers still die on tv....

third i felt uhhhhh the acting was a little off. not that i don’t love the cast bc i do, but i just felt like ummmmmm particularly went and doms performances were a little bit off which i mean can be excused if it has to be because a lot of time had passed and both brothers had been through even MORE shit at that point but at the same time it was a little bit like y’all both really should have looked back at a few old eps together. 

as well, the whole idea of the season 5 and michael having to fake his death almost tainted the other ending which is ironic considering i didn’t want him to remain dead. as much as the season 4 ending hurt, the season 5 ending almost like..... ruined that whole pure michael really would and did die for those he loved moment a little bit, which again i can over look bc i am greedy and want my happy ending but it’s still something i can’t help but feel. 

the final thing ill say about it is something i’ve talked a lot about with @lesbianlisasnart. i get that tbag was important for the original run (or at least the first maybe two seasons) but he uhhhh look. i aggressively do not like tbag even as a character, though i admit yes he is obviously going to be present in a show about prisons. however, i don’t like that they tried to give him a redemption arc so many times considering he was CONTINUALLY just plain evil (from multiple rape [attempts] and trying to get with a what was she 15 yr old girl on screen) but yeah i just don’t think he is redeemable and i was high key miffed that they had more tbag in the “reunion” season over characters such as idk SUCRE (i felt VERY sucrebaited which sucked ASS). and yes i get that it was time strained and the actors had to move around a lot of shit to be in it and maybe amaury was too busy but its just a little side eye and something the writers would do for this show (putting tbag over other characters).

anyways this is just some of my thoughts on the season i’ve ranted about it many times to friends as i’m sure they can attest to however i love linc and sara and sucre and michael and if they dragged it out to a season 6 which would most likely ruin the happy ending, despite being upset u can bet my ass is gunna be there watching it so 

[armadil-lo]

Hey, im the original annon that started the whole fakes lay low thing.... sorry! Anyways i absolutly love your additions and i never thought it'd get this big. Your tags kill me. I am curious however how do you think the rest of the crew might react when they finally meet Jeremy? Maybe geoff already had him on his radar. Maybe he is apart of funhuas which is a subsidiary of of sorts to the fahc. (1/?)

Maybe he is apart of funhaus which is a rival gang,maybe that was part of the big battle that caused the fakes to go underground.Like FH found and revealed the location of the penthouse the LSPD, because ifthey’re going down damn it so will the fakes. so Jeremy is just trying to getby after his gang is completely destroyed. And sure he wasnt a very big memeberbut he needed that extra cash to pay rent. And no other gang dare touch anyonethat the fakes may have a beef with (2/?)

So that is why he started joining the fights andstuff…. sorry i kinda got off topic… but the fact that ryan is with someonefrom a rival gang the very gang thay got them into this mess gahhhhhh!!!!! Theangest in the fahc would be so intense. (3/3) p.s. I’ve been follwing your blogfor a while so to see my ask be rebloged by another great person and comeacross my dash really made my day thank you for all you’ve added

OMG hello!!! Don’t be sorry, you’ve given birth tosomething wonderful :D Thank you so so much for the kind words omg, I’m sohappy you enjoy what I added!

OOOH I do like the idea of him being part ofFunhaus or another rival gang - I think I’mma go with another random rival gangthough since I like the idea of Funhaus/Fakehaus being on good terms with theFAHC haha :’) 

Most of it’s under a read more because this got insanely long oops… Also just gonna tag @shadeofazmeinya​ and @miss-ingno​ bc Ifeel like that’s just a given for this AU haha

Jeremy who’s made his living off of undergroundfighting rings finally getting hired to do some grunt work for a crew whosename he actually recognises. He thinks he’s moving up in the world, thinks he’sfinally going to get his big break in crime, actually have a steady cash flow.He never even meets the head honcho of this crew in fact, but he’s only beenworking with them for a short time when he hears the boss just sold out theFakes. He has no idea how that was something a smaller crew like theirs couldeven accomplish, but next thing he knows it’s all over the news how the Fake AHCrew’s official penthouse has been found, how hackers are currently lookinginto the phones and credit cards they left behind, how the LSPD are on a manhunt and they’recertain they’ll be at one of many locations that they’ve now been able to traceback to the crew. And see the thing is, Jeremy always admired the Fakes. Alwayslooked up to them, appreciated what they stood for as a crew. They alwaysseemed so close and it was something Jeremy dreamed about having one day. He’salmost sad that they’ve been taken down by his boss. Scratch that, he isactually kind of upset.

And thenhe learns that the reason his boss fucking did it is because their own gang isgoing under. Only a couple days later and they’re under attack themselves,Jeremy fleeing before things get too intense. There’s a viral clip going aroundof his ex-boss being dragged into a cop car boasting about how “I took down the Fakes before I went down, Idon’t give a shit what you do to me now!” And welp, if Jeremy wasn’t in a rough patchbefore, he sure as hell is now. He goes back to fighting rings and small crimeson the side. It’s all he knows how to do.

Skipping past the rest of the posts that’vealready been made about FAHC going in hiding, Ryan working at Starbucks, Jeremybeing a regular customer there, them falling for each other obviously, etc etcetc…

I imagine it doesn’t take very long afterJeremy finds out Ryan is the Vagabond for Ryan to take Jeremy to the safehouse.Jeremy didn’t run, Jeremy didn’t slam the door in his face. He actually helpedRyan out, even after knowing exactly who he is and what he has done. Ryantrusts him infinitesimally more after that. Ryan is too injured to go back tothe safehouse the day after the return-heist-gone-wrong (I imagine a couplebroken ribs and a bullet graze at the least) and he wakes up to a blanket overtop of him and Jeremy is asleep on the floor beside him and if he hadn’tfallen for him already, boy is that the moment he realises it. Jeremy wakesup and he makes them breakfast and sits by Ryan’s side and Ryan just findshimself spilling everything. What it was like when they got taken down, howtense it’s been in the household for all these months, how fucking ridiculouslyshitty it is to work in Starbucks but that Jeremy is always the best part ofhis day, that this heist felt like it was going to make everything better somehow, like it was just goingto magically solve all their problems and the Fakes would be back on top in notime. How he’s actually quite scared that things will never be that way againafter what happened yesterday. Jeremy listens, and he understands. He knowsthat feeling so, so well. Hope just being shattered in an instant. They spendthe day getting to know each other – actuallygetting to know each other, no veils or masks or secrets anymore. And it’sreally nice.

But then Ryan turns on his latest phone andsees the string of increasingly worried and frantic texts from the others. He finallylets them know he’s okay, which only really increases their panic tenfold aboutwhere he is. Jeremy has been readingover his shoulder (okay so his head is leaning on Ryan’s shoulder actually) andhe asks how far away their tiny base is. Ryan bites his lip and says it’sacross town and immediately starts mumbling about how his motorbike waswrecked, he doesn’t have a car, he walked here from the heist, stealing avehicle now is just impractical probably- and Jeremy interrupts like “Dude. Youdisguised yourself as a citizen for almost a whole fucking year. A shower and a changeof clothes and you could easily just take a taxi.” Ryan protests immediatelythat then the taxi driver will know where their only safehouse left is, towhich Jeremy says, “Then we’ll ask him to stop a block away and I’ll walk youthe rest of the way.”

“…You’re coming?”

“Well I’m guessing you don’t have any moneyon you. And I’m not fucking letting you go alone when you’re hurt like this.”

And if it were anyone else, anyone else, Ryan would probably have toslit their throat for knowing so much. But it’s Jeremy. So that’s that.

Jeremy helps Ryan to the shower (and out ofhis clothes - awkward avoiding looking at his body ensues, because it’s different when he’s not fixing up wounds with Ryan half passed out) and tries to findsome clothes that fit him. He thinks a baggy shirt will do, and the longestpair of sweatpants he owns (which actually belonged to an old friend namedTrevor once upon a time). The clothes cling a little bit, but hugging Ryan’sfigure isn’t a bad thing tbh. Ryan shoves his gear in an old, torn backpack ofJeremy’s and they call a taxi. Ryan tells the driver to go to a street that’s alittle ways away from the safehouse (three blocks actually, just to be careful,plus there’s shortcuts through backalleys and whatnot). Jeremy winces a littlebit at the final cost of the taxi and Ryan feels really bad, he’s known for a while now that money istight for Jeremy, but Li’l J produces what is needed for payment and off theygo, the smaller man helping Ryan walk the rest of the way.

Ryan’s ribs and other wounds are aching bythe time they reach the safehouse but they’re here and they made it and heknocks on the door because he lost his key and it swings open after a secondand Jack is pulling him into a fierce hug. He chokes out a small noise of painbut then hugs her back, albeit a bit awkwardly because he still had one armaround Jeremy for support. Then, from the doorway, Gavin is asking “Who areyou?” And Jack takes a step back and Ryan sees them all crowded behind her now,looking at Jeremy in equal parts confusion, surprise and distrust. Jeremyhimself looks stunned tbh. I mean, c’mon, it’s the Fakes. They’re famous. They were practically his crime idols. Evenif he didn’t know Ryan when he first saw him (or in the many months following)and it took him a second or two to place Jack, he knows Ramsey, and Mogar, andthe Golden Boy. Who in Los Santos doesn’t have their faces burned into theirminds?

So Ryan clears his throat and introduces him.“This is Jeremy. He’s a.. friend.” Jeremy glances over at Ryan and snapshimself out of it to give them a hesitant smile. The Fakes all look fuckingweirded out at that tbfh because since when does Ryan refer to people otherthan them as friends lol? They overlook that for now and pull the both of theminto the safehouse and gather in their little living room around the diningtable and the couch to hound Ryan with questions about what happened to him,where he was, how he got here, if anyone suspects where they are, etc etc.Which Ryan all answers calmly and truthfully, asking them similar questions inreturn and letting Jack hover over his wounds. Jeremy sits by his sideawkwardly through all of this, internally freaking the fuck out that he’s in aroom with the Fake AH Crew and tryinghis best not to pass out, lbr. Also he’s trying to ignore the fact that Geoffhasn’t spoken one word yet and is staring at him with the weirdest look on hisface.

Eventually the questions turn to Jeremy ofcourse. Who are you, how do you know Ryan, what are you doing here, what do youdo for a living. Ryan answers most of these so that he can deflect what heknows Jeremy won’t want to answer more easily, though Jeremy pipes up quietlynow and then. They’re both grateful that the others don’t tell him to leave orthreaten to kill him or anything drastic like that. Until suddenly Geoffinterrupts something Gavin is saying to ask, “You’re not Jeremy Dooley, are you? Rimmy Tim?” Jack sitsup a little straighter at that, face going hard, and the others look at Geoffquestioningly. Jeremy coughs a small laugh, genuinely shocked that Geoff fucking Ramsey actually knows who he is. “Yep, that’s me,” he replies, dazed. He thinksthat this is a good thing for a fleeting moment. He does not know that that is avery, very bad thing.

Geoff immediately leaps up from where he wassitting and slams a fist on the table, fuming in an instant. “I fucking knew it! I’ve had the names, photos and aliasesof all of you fuckers that got away from dayfucking one.” The others are alert in an instant, Jeremy’s blood turningcold at his anger, slowly starting to shake his head, eyes wide. “Are youwired? Who knows we’re here?” Jeremy just starts spluttering nonsense, nothaving a clue what to say. Jack backs away. Ryan looks up at Jeremy with asmall frown. When Jeremy can’t produce a coherent response, Geoff takes a fewsteps closer. “You were with the [gang] when we went down. You assholes fuckingruined us! Look at us! Are you fucking happynow?” Jeremy’s shaking his head frantically now, starting up a whispered chant of ‘no,no, no’ but not able to cut into Geoff practically spitting in his face now. “Weknow exactly how many of you got away, exactlywho you are, and the first fucking thing we’re going to do if we get back ontop is take you and your little buddies out. Rimmy Tim is number seven.”

“He’s about to be number one when I blow hisfucking brains out,” comes Michael’s voice from behind Geoff. Michael may stillbe limping from where cops shot him in the leg, but he was still quick enoughto grab a gun and be pointing it right at Jeremy’s head. Jeremy goes numb andsqueaks out, “I swear, I didn’t-“ Geoff holds up a hand to Michael. Michaeldoesn’t shoot, but he doesn’t put the gun down either. And then Geoff ispicking Jeremy up by the collar and shoving him against the wall. “Are. You.Wired?” Jeremy shakes his head. “Are your friendson their way? To finish up the fucking job their boss started?”

“They’re n- I’m- I didn’t-“

Michael explodes. “Answer the fucking question!”

“N-No. No, nobody’s coming.”

“So whatthen? You found out who Ryan was on your own? Stalked him for however long,finally managed to follow him here? Gonna round them up to kill us all when we’resleeping?”

“Geoff,” Ryan quietly calls from where he’ssitting.

“No,I-I swear, I’d never-“

“You were gonna take us out by yourself?”

“I didn’tknow!” Jeremy cuts in, breathing heavily, absolutely fucking terrified.That makes Geoff pause, his grip loosening a little bit and he squints insuspicion. Michael only takes a small step closer with the pistol. “I swear tofucking God, I didn’t know. I justdid grunt work for them, f-for like two weeks. I don’t even know who was in onit, or where the hell they got the information from, I was sad when you- It felt wrong, it always felt wrong. I haven’t heardfrom anyone else who got out, I didn’t even know anyone else did. I swear, I promise. Please,I didn’t know who Ryan was, I had no fucking idea, not until last night. I’mnot going to tell anyone, I’m not going to do anything, I didn’t know. I didn’t know.” Somewhere in his brokenpleading, Ryan had called Geoff’s name again, and suddenly the older man isripped away from Jeremy and he slumps against the wall a little. Ryan hasgotten up, grabbed Geoff by the shoulder and yanked him away. His expression isgrim and Jeremy has never seen him look this deadly serious. Geoff opens hismouth to protest, but doesn’t. After a moment of tense silence, Ryan speaks up.

“If Jeremy says he didn’t know, then he didn’tknow.”

Nobody in the room speaks after that. Geoffand Ryan stare at each other, Ryan’s hand still on Geoff’s shoulder, Geoffdefiantly setting his jaw. Jeremy glances around the room, sees Michael slowlylowering the gun and staring at Ryan with a bewildered expression, sees Gavinin the corner looking vaguely horrified (he’s kicking himself really, becauseRyan had him look into Jeremy all those months ago didn’t he, but he thoughtnothing of it, only did a surface check. If only he’d looked a little deeper, maybe Ryan wouldn’t have endedup bloody bringing the guy here), sees Jack hovering near Gavin glancing withopen curiosity between Ryan and Jeremy. Because, you see, calling Jeremy afriend is one thing, but the only people Ryan has ever truly trusted in his life as far as the Fakesknow is them. And earning Ryan’strust is not an easy feat to accomplish, either. Really, the fact that Jeremyhas somehow wormed his way into Ryan’s heart enough for the man to totally andcompletely trust him is one thing, but the fact that the others have never heard Ryan breathe so much of aword about him is extremely telling of how much damage these past months have doneto them. Not just as a crew, but as a family.

Eventually, Geoff lets out a long sigh andnods. Whatever facial expression conversation the two of them were having seemsto be over and apparently Ryan trusting that Jeremy isn’t about to stab themall in the back is enough for now. Geoff wordlessly walks into the kitchen andsnags Jack’s arm on the way out, pulling her along with him. “What the fuck,Ryan?” Michael snaps, more out of confusion than genuine anger now. Ryan glaresover at him and Michael mumbles, “wow, okay, fine” before shoving the gun inthe back of his jeans and limping as angrily as possible after Geoff and Jackas well. Ryan’s gaze turns to Gavin, who purses his lips and takes a stepforward. Ryan doesn’t want to talk to him right now though, doesn’t want totalk to any of them really for leaping to conclusions about Jeremy like that, fucking hell, they don’t even know him. Maybe that’s partially hisfault, but shit, when was he meant to bring up that he had a massive crush on aguy while they were meant to be undercover? He looks over at Jeremy now,leaning against the wall, still looking half scared to death, pale as a sheetand shaking. Ryan deflates a little bit at the sight and reaches for him. Jeremyseems to jerk into reality, and looks up at Ryan’s face with wide eyes,standing up and reaching out towards him too. Ryan pulls him in for a hug,cradling him against his chest, careless of how it jostles his ribs. Jeremytakes a few deep breaths and Ryan lightly squeezes him reassuringly. He knows Gavin iswatching, he knows Gavin wants to talk to him. He can’t bring himself to care.He gently pries Jeremy off of him and holds him by the shoulders, leading himback outside. Gavin says his name softly but Ryan ignores him and closes thefront door behind them.

They’re standing on the porch and it’sstarted raining lightly outside and poor Jeremy still looks shell-shocked andRyan just wants to hug the shit out of him. But that would probably hurt themboth so instead he settles for asking, “Are you okay?”

Jeremy looks at him with a tiny frown. “I…”He opens and closes his mouth a few times, not seeming to be able to form thewords. Ryan doesn’t blame him. He knows Geoff – Ramsey – is a terrifying man to have on your bad side. Ryan heardJeremy talking not even a few hours ago about how he had always looked up tothe Fakes – another one of Jeremy’s hopes he supposes has just been shattered.Ryan gives him a sad smile. “Go home, Jeremy. My wallet’s inside. I’ll pay forthe taxi. Go home and try to get some rest. I’ll sort this out.”

Jeremy shakes his head. “What if they don’tbelieve you, Ryan?”

“They will,” he says firmly. He knows he canconvince the others to trust him – but Jeremy doesn’t.

“But what if they don’t? What if they didn’t believe me? Shit, I know theydidn’t. What if they come after me? What if you can’t stop them? I didn’t knowanything about what my boss was doing, Ryan, but they have me on a fucking hit list! I don’t have anywhere to go,Ryan, how am I supposed to go home? Gavin already looked up where I live, Jesus Christ, what if they think I’m-“

Ryan breaks off Jeremy’s ramblings by kissinghim.

They haven’t kissed before, not even comeclose, but it feels like it’s been a long time coming. Ryan presses his lips toJeremy’s and the shorter man melts instantly, tilting his head back andreaching for Ryan, fingers tangling in his shirt. Ryan cups Jeremy’s neck with one hand and the other man leans up on his tip toes as theydeepen the kiss. Jeremy tastes sweet and the air smells like rain and theirbeards scratch together and god, Ryanhas been craving this.

They break apart and Ryan half expects Jeremyto go catatonic, but it’s the complete opposite. Jeremy has stopped shaking,his shoulders have relaxed, and he’s giving Ryan a small smile. Ryan returns itwith a smile of his own. They don’t say anything more. They don’t need toreally. Jeremy trusts Ryan, and Ryan trusts Jeremy.

[poledancingghostson]

i feel like maybe that anon thought that like. idk. whizzer was too harsh (if im wording this right) on marvin and didn't really get any flack for it or apologize etc bc while marvin treated him bad it's not like he was much better in that regard either but??? they didn't need to write All That tbh + ur fic isn't over yet so there's still like time for a multitude of developments so there's really no need to b harsh

Yeah the story and characters are still developing. He's harsh cause he's still damn upset about everything. As he has a right to be tbfh. Marvin does too but they processed it at different speeds so he was quicker to forgive. Different characters work differently. But he does realise when he's gone too far and backtracks, though he could certainly learn to outwardly apologize still. I've got a chapter of fluff up next but the chapter im writing is literally going to go into all of the still unresolved shit between them. Specifically more of how Marvin feels. I haven't forgotten, we're just not there yet.But it does feel like people aren't taking Whizzer's emotions into account enough. Like they're forgetting what happened before. Idk. Maybe I'm wrong. But I think he deserves a little more empathy than he's getting. (And I know I talk about my ((I guess they're not really mine but you know what I mean)) characters like they're real people but that's how they have to exist in my head when I write for them)

[vriskadyke]

i watched kill bill volume 1 a couple days ago and the whole time i was just... wishing that beatrix, vernietta, and o-ren had all teamed up to kill bill because i got the vibe that they all respected and cared about each other and didn't really want to be part of bill's squad tbh (also o-ren/vernietta/beatrix is a good pairing tbfh)

like o-ren kills pedophiles and racists and sleazy politicians and i can totally see her being really angry with him for hurting beatrix because she was good, she was a good agent, and o-ren if anyone knows how traumatizing and upsetting the assassination life is, and she can't fault beatrix for wanting to get out. plus there's a definite predatory air of how bill treats beatrix and him trying to assassinate her at her wedding of all places really sends the vibe of 'you can't leave me you're mine' and o ren fucking hates men being predatory and abusive

so during the wedding assassination o-ren stays out of it as much as possible, doesn't even touch beatrix because she hates that bill is making them do this and so she doesn't touch her. she's tasked with killing the other wedding party members and she makes sure their deaths are quick for beatrix's sake- as soon as they leave the church it's o-ren who calls the police and speeds off because she knows that despite everything beatrix is still alive. 

when o-ren learns beatrix has woken from her coma she sends her an invitation over to her base and lays her cards on the table- i didn't want to do that then, i regret it, it was wrong. im still an assassin but i kill as i please and i'm not going to be bill's tool any longer. i can offer you extensive help and resources, and i can help you find your daughter 

(beatrix at this point goes WHAT and o ren says 'you didn't know? your daughter is alive')

vernietta also leaves the dvas and settles down, starts raising a kid, so while maybe she didn't want to participate originally but she definitely regretted it when she had her own child, nikki, and so she also helps beatrix and they bond over kids and how awful bill is

elle doesn't strike me as the type of person who can be redeemed or who even wants to- she seems like, devoted to bill and genuinely in love with him. so she'd still be on bill's side with sidewinder also 

and that turns the story from one lady killing her abuser alongside his other (implied to be) victims into being about lesbians killing their abuser(s) TOGETHER and bonding over it which imo is better

[floweringeclipse]

IgIris

send me a ship and I’ll tellyou… || GIMME GIMME

**note: based on personal headcanons

Ignis + Iris [set in Dark Eos aswell ft. blind!Ignis bc im angst trash aslfdj;sl]

who is more likely to hurt the other? -neither, i think. not intentionally anyway. Ignis may justaccidentally bump into Iris once in a while. 

who is emotionally stronger? -IGNIS, oh man… he’s been through A LOT and yet he’sstill able to handle his emotions very well.

who is physically stronger? -oh man, Iggy, no doubt. 

who is more likely to break a bone? -Iris, only because of her fighting style.

who knows best what to say to upset the other? -fUCK UM. Ignis. probably. he’s good with words so if he everneeds to get a specific reaction from Iris (or ANYONE tbfh), he’d know exactlywhat to say.

who is most likely to apologise first after an argument? -Ignis is. he can’t stand the lingering anger between theparties. he’ll apologize first even if HE was right, and he’d insist theysettle it and talk it out more calmly, over tea or something.

who treats who’s wounds more often? -Iris, but faM UGH imagine Iggy doting HARD over an injured Iris andgetting so fuckig N UPSET because he CAN’T tend to her wounds properly. butGOD, Iris stops lying to Ignis about her wounds because of that. she’ll let himknow exactly what she’d sustained, where at, how big/severe; holds his hand andguides it over the spots she’d bandaged/treated to let him know it’s taken careof now. GUHSDFJf :’)

who is in constant need of comfort? -Iris forever and always, it looks like. 

who gets more jealous? -YO LOOK IGNIS IS A WELL-MANNERED, HANDSOME, ANDGRACEFUL MOFO, DONT TELL ME PEOPLE DONT FAWN OVER HIM OFTEN??? iris sees theway a hunter looks at ignis and she’s SEETHING 

who will propose? -Ignis, perhaps! he suggests the idea one evening, ever so casually, but also he’s so unsure of how she’d react. they’re both incredibly busy with the responsibilities they have but Iris always expresses her want to be beside him all the time, so, hey, why not go for it?

who has the most difficult parents? -MR. AND MRS. SCIENTIA WHO NOW???? WHERE ARE THE PARENTS AT TBFH

who initiates hand-holding when they’re out in public? -IRIS, and never because Iggy needs a guide (he doesn’t). sheloves his touch. 

who comes up for the other all the time? who covers up for the other all the time? -Ignis has to lmfao. they both get into mild shenanigans (like sneaking off in the middle of nights to just explore and talk or something. and Gladio never believes Iris when she lies lol)

who hogs the blankets? -neither are rowdy sleepers.

who gets more sad? -SIGHS i’m?? :(((( Ignis, probably. he’s just INCREDIBLE at keeping it to himself. 

who is better at cheering the other up? -LIKE I SAID Ig is GREAT with words, he’ll have Iris smiling in no time. 

who’s the one that playfully slaps the other all the time afterthey make silly jokes? -Iris!!

who is more streetwise? -Iris, compared to Ig who practically grew up in the Citadel serving the royal family.

who is more wise? -Ignis

who’s the shyest? -HMMM… neither seem like the shy type. Ig may just be a lil bit more reserved about showing affection to the other because Iris is just STARVING for affection, which is why she’s so touchy and is prone to invading personal spaces a lot.

who boasts about the other more? -OH MAnn, Ignis telling everyone how badass Iris sounded on the battlefield and how proud he is of her and her strength and determination. Iris would be too, tbh, but in a “He’s SO fantastic amirite?? I’M so lucky to BE WITH HIM’ kind of way omg

who sits on who’s lap? - Iris but aaaa she loves being a little spoon for him tho 

gdi im so emOTIONAL over these two i love them so much

(i def love Big Bro Ig + Iris more but I have no problems shipping the two when Iris is older! my kids, they deserve love asl;dfkjsdf)