#im super interested in horror history which is why i wanted to include some of that stuff

[krimprim]

what are some classic horror movies that you always recommend, and some more obscure ones that you love but don’t get a lot of attention? love your blog btw!

Got my first anon!! And it's super nice too 🤧 This is so lovely I'm really happy you asked.

I'm biased towards sci-fi horror and horror comedy's, but I've tried to give a bit of everything here. For classic ones I'd recommend? I'm taking some of my favourites from different eras so you can get a good feel for the changes horror went through. Noting here that I have not watched many movies from countries outside America, Australia and western Europe, just wanted to let you know in advance. Trying to fill out my horror repertoire between work and study 💀 Also this is long lmao sorry not sorry.

For early stuff my favourites would be The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari (the original horror film you could say, featuring my beloved Conrad Veidt), wonderful silent German expressionist horror from the 20s.

On top of that I really loved Universal's 1925 adaption of The Phantom of the Opera ft Long Chaney and Mary Philbin. If you like that one I'd 100% recommend watching some documentaries on youtube about it cause it's really fun, Chaney bought the rights to the film himself as he really wanted to play Erik and adapt the story to screen. He did all his own makeup and stuff too it's great.

Further down the track you have all the universal monster movies, I have unfortunately not watched them all yet but I really liked The Wolf Man, and have memories as a child seeing Creature from the Black Lagoon and enjoying it. This ties in to more obscure films I think more people should watch, but Them! also came out in this era and I love it so dearly. First horror movie I watched properly start to end, it's about giant mutant ants, and has a small cameo of Leonard Nimoy in one of his first roles :)

Right after that in the 60s you have a big uptick in Hammer horror, which is where you get a lot of fun stuff (I can't give personal recs. I've only seen their phantom..which is good but like I'm embarrassed 😔). At the same time there was stuff like Rosemary's Baby (fuck Polanski) and Night of the Living Dead.

Then there are the infamous slashers. There's a lot of them, and like the other stuff on the list it depends on what you like what you'll take to in a slasher. One of my favourites is Black Christmas (the progenitor of the slasher. idc about Psycho, Hitchcock can have nightmares about blonde women for eternity) which had a surprising nuanced look into things like abortion and critiques on classic relationship dynamics. I'm goofy though so I also like it because of the villain Billy Lenz. Goofiness is also why I adore Child's Play <3. The Original Texas Chain Saw Massacre I think is a good one to get to as well, interesting themes and even though the main characters aren't that deep I do really like Sally and Franklin. My favourite type of horror protagonists have always been family members, especially siblings. And again, if you're a fan of silly you should definitely watch its sequel, which is a horror comedy.

Non slasher classics of the 70s/80s I recommend are Stepford Wives, The Thing, Suspiria, The Fly, Possession, The Lost Boys, Alien and Aliens, plus Evil Dead 1 and 2. They're all pretty well established here on Tumblr so there's not too much to say. I've watched the most films from this era if it isn't obvious haha.

By the time the 90s came around I feel like things got a bit all over the place, in a positive way. You got a bit of everything, though there was a bit of emphasis on horror movies becoming more "serious/gritty" compared to the slashers that came just before them. If I had to pick one film it would definitely be Candyman though. Tony Todd did an immaculate job and gave life to one of the most magnetic and charismatic horror villains ever. The movie is gorgeous and I adore the writing of it too.

Runner up would be Silence of the Lambs, Clarice and Hannibal both get a big kiss on the lips from me <3

I'm not sure if it's been long enough to claim movies past the 2000s can be classics but I'll quickly list some ones I think are neat: Ginger Snaps, The Ring, [REC], Saw, Noroi, The Orphanage, Creep, I Saw The Devil, Get Out, Annihilation and His House.

I will try to be succinct for the obscure stuff (im not sure how obscure these are tbh but oh well) since I know this is getting really long lmao but here 💕

Them!, as previously mentioned.

The Phantom of the Opera from 1989. Absolutely glorious and gorgeous slasher style take on the story. I love it a lot. Has Robert Englund of Freddy Krueger fame.

Basket Case 1, 2 and 3, got to these after watching Malignant and hearing them brought up several times in reviews. They're fantastic B horror and so lovingly made it hurts.

The Hitcher!!! The original of course, which is dripping with so much homoerotic subtext it's crazy. Rutger Hauer plays obsessive freaky man so well and I love him for it.

Stigmata starring Patricia Arquette and Gabriel Byrne. It is so of its time in terms of the editing, pacing and music that I couldn't help but adore it. Suffers from unnecessary romance imo but still a great movie.

Event Horizon is thee absolute shit. Laurence Fishburne is my babygirl in every movie/show he's in and this one is no different. I was blown away watching it and my brother and I couldn't stop discussing it for like two hours after it finished haha. Hoping the director's cut will be released at some point cause I'm dying to watch it.

Joy Ride with Paul Walker. Got this one from a random horror movie generator. I still think about it a lot, there's something mesmerising about a movie with an evil truckie. I havent watched any fast and furious movies but the first one came out the same time as this so I like to pretend it's a prequel to it.

The Slumber Party Massacre remake and Slumber Party Massacre 2. The former for being one of the best remakes for horror I've seen and the latter for being batshit fun. The main villains weapon is an electric guitar drill idk what more you need.

That's enough I think, feel free to psychoanalyse me in the notes. Also if you ever want to send me a DM or another ask on or off anon or whatever that'd be fun, I don't bite :)

[image ID for all images in alt text]

[brunhiddensmusings]

year in review of parenting

thought i would try and record a few prime interactions ive had with my kids so i remember them as my 3 daughters are just so out there - daughter says shes interested in becoming an animator so i have to line up a list of animations on youtube i know were made by one person, including ‘no evil’ by betsy lee, dingo doodles sips and the karaoke of doom, ‘witches on tinder’, and piemations as examples of the kind of thing one person can reasonably do with a lot of dedication and if you pay close attention you can see how each of the animations are done differently - explaining what skaa was, twice - spending  time at gamestop just discussion how some funko pops make sense and some are super dumb. makes sense funko pop would be one of the main characters of a movie thats well loved, dumb ones would be the same but for a movie literally nobody likes but funko pops were released before the movie was so they will never sell, or having 40+ differnt versions of rick and another 50 of morty. even having 15+ different batmans doesnt make sense because given the choice do you want orange batman or classic batman? - no i cannot go to your school to beat up the kid who was mean to you. i mean technically im physically able to but thats not the point - explaining what the music style ‘scat’ is and why its unrelated to the same word used to mean ‘wild animal poop’ - i dont know how to explain to you who freddie mercury is because were in a car and i cant show you a youtube of bohemian rhapsody while im driving - explaining why i am irritated at the kid friendly versions of classic horror monsters, they dont get it so i have to go into detail a- is the wolfman scary? like just a dude thats hairy? no. no he is not. however imagine that someone you know, and you dont know who, may at some point in time turn into a ravenous monster who will attack their friends ruthlessly, its already happened at least once so everyone is on edge wondering who it is. however, secretly it is you that is the monster, living in fear that you could loose control and kill the ones you love most b- the frankenstins monster, just a big green dude with bolts in his neck? scary? no, hes just a larger zombie basically. however imagine someone at college going nutty and then starts to raid the morgue, the cemetery, butcher shops, and surgery wards at hospitals for the human parts he stitches together into a rude parody of a human being and brings it to life. but it doesnt stop there, because he abandoned this new creature that thing now stalks him out of revenge, one by one killing everyone they know - the kids now understand why the majority of the classic monsters are supposed to be scary as balls - explaining COPPA to them because several youtubers we watch together have started loudly announcing ‘not for children’, at which they unprompted start complaining about a youtuber called ‘ryans world’ where a very annoying screaming child tells everyone to buy shit and is repeatedly recommended to them by the algorithm because it knows theyre kids. i should have taken that as a warning so i wasnt surprised at just how much ‘ryans world’ merchandise was in stores this year, like ye gods theres more of it then there was starwars and harry potter merch combined he has his own cereal which is apparently frootloops and disturbing plush animals. we agreed its weird when on his merch theres four different characters but the pink cat girl looks like she was made by someone different then the others because shes got way better detail - explain to kids that ‘green eggs and ham’ was made on a dare, which requires me to recite the whole thing for them to count that there are exactly 50 different words 5 year old- “wheres my sister” me- “in the bathroom, why” 5 year old- “imma hug her” me- “nn.... wow youre - 14 year old in the bathroom- “GAAH!” me- “-fast” - i can do a perfect impression of the ‘huhuhuhuh’ sound sans undertale makes - its been 3 years of me using the phrase ‘sans undertale’ specifically and my daughter who has spent the last 3 years dressing like him and listening to his music hasnt caught on that the way im phrasing it is in fact a joke - kids accidentally stumble uppon a history meme i was part of and i have to explain thats a thing i do - explain to kids what the emu war was - explain to kids who rasputin was - explain to the kids what the problem with hitler was, given the 11 year old is supposed to only get this in the school curriculum this next year i can understand why she was shocked. 14 year old was also shocked becuase she is in the between part of ‘we briefly touched on that war’ and ‘okay now that you are old enough we can explain how shoving people into ovens works’ - they asked, they really did, and only then do i realize that despite it being something everyone should definitely be aware of... figuring out how old and how to explain it really is a tricky matter cause ho-damn most adults get queasy when you explain it and im sure those kids had bad dreams for a week - theyre also aware of the trump concentration camps and were able to draw the connections real quick - pun contest - kid asks me to acquire a daft punk song for her so i can put it on her mp3 player, i have never heard of this song despite her spending 5 minutes describing it and how their eyes are freaky. have to explain to her that when i was about her age daft punk released an entire movie made of music videos. we have to show each other different daft punk videos to understand each other - no, daft punk are the robots, not the blue eye people. literally nobody knows what they look like under the helmets they even show up to music award shows wearing them. the helmets can actually make words and emotes theyre really rad songs we have erupted into together - spooky scary skeletons - narwhals narwhals - another irish drinking song - hubba hubba zoot zoot

[kpoptimeout]

My Top 10 K-Dramas of 2018 - What’s Yours?

2018 is ending soon and K-Dramaland has once again brought us so many goodies this year. As per our blog’s tradition [For 2017 faves click here], below are my Top 10 favs of the year (my faves in alphabetical order so it might not be yours so please don’t judge)

My only specific criteria this year is that the show must have had started in 2018 to be considered a 2018 series (Hence, Hwayugi and I’m Not A Robot were in last year’s list and honourable mentions)

Lawless Lawyer (tvN)

Every year we have a few stellar Korean legal dramas and Lawless Lawyer is one of them. Starring veterans Lee Joongi and Son Yeji, the drama details a gangster turned lawyer who used unorthodox techniques to win cases and a lawyer-childhood friend-love interest who got into trouble for attacking a judge. After his return from the military, Lee Joongi has acted in many internationally well-received dramas but “Lawless Lawyer” is the first since his return to gain massive commercial success within South Korea and becoming one of the highest viewed dramas on Korean cable channel history. Son Yeji was also able to show her acting chops and shed her pretty girl image through this drama. It is understandable why this drama did well - it was action-packed, had a well-plotted storyline and also the right laughs at the right moments. If you love an amazing legal drama, go watch Lawless Lawyer already!

Memories Of The Alhambra (tvN/Netflix)

You know it’s nearing the year’s end when tvN drops another high budget and experimental drama with a star-studded cast to steal you and the critics’ hearts. This year it is Memories Of The Alhambra, which is an ambitious project jointly produced by tvN and Netflix. Following the success of jointly produced Mr. Sunshine which also made the list, the two studios teamed up for an even crazier project - instead of the guaranteed tear-jerking historical drama they went for a sci-fi/fantasy thriller exploring virtual and augmented reality and business in the digital age. You know they are taking this project seriously when they got the writer for “W” (the Lee Jongsuk and Han Hyojoo hit about the collapse of a comic book world into reality) Song Jaejung to write this screenplay. The show with top cast featuring Hallyu stars and veterans Hyun Bin, Park Shin Hye, and EXO’s Chanyeol with exhilarating graphics and filming in Grenada has been topping online and domestic Korean viewership since its broadcast on December 1st. If you enjoy creative sci-fi adventures with Asian leads, this is the drama for you!

Mr. Sunshine (tvN/Netflix)

One of the first tvN and Netflix collaborations, Mr. Sunshine was an unsurprising hit starring world-famous Korean actor Lee Byung Hoon and South Korea’s favourite young actress Kim Taeri. Other main cast include skilled and popular actors like Yoo Yeonseok, Byung Yohan and Kim Minjung. Throw in the historical Joseon setting and the imminent colonisation by foreign powers, you have a recipe for an awards-sweeper and crowd-pleaser! Besides a plot that easily draws in audiences, the set designs, colour grading, music, and costumes are all phenomenal and is a feast for the senses. My only knit-picking critique is it seems unrealistic that a Korean man can rise to as high a rank as Lee Byung Hoon’s Eugene Choi character in the racist 1800s United States no matter how brilliant Eugene Choi was. But besides that, if you love a historical epic with romance and war, this is the drama you would enjoy!

Ms. Hammurabi (JTBC)

This drama sees Go Ara and Song Dong Il reuniting in their father-daughter/mentor-mentee like dynamic following hit dramas Reply 1994 and Hwarang, with Go Ara being an idealistic former music student who dropped out and self-studied to become a judge, and Song Dong Il being the old geezer and life mentor who only managed to become a judge later in life. They are joined by INFINITE’s L being a by the books judge who likes Go Ara’s wholesome character. The drama is exceptionally touching, not only for its realistic depiction of life as judges in civilian law countries but also as a reflection of people chasing their dreams in different stages of their life. The drama also expertly deals with real-world issues like gender discrimination in the workplace, prejudice to marginalised groups and the issues that come with an inflexible hierarchical structure in South Korea. While there is romance between the leads, this is shown subtly and naturally, without it becoming a distraction to the engaging storyline. If you enjoy a thoughtful drama about society with great acting, this is a drama you would enjoy.

My ID is Gangnam Beauty (JTBC)

Maybe I am slightly biased because I loved the webtoon but I think My ID is Gangnam Beauty is one of the best Korean rom-coms of the year. First I thought the casting was spot-on - ASTRO’s Cha Eunwoo perfectly encapsulated the cold and awkward Do Kyungseok and Im Soohyang was able to display the insecurities of Kang Mirae even after plastic surgery well. The drama does a good job of touching on Korean society’s toxic beauty visual standards - it still makes the female lead insecure even after she gets plastic surgery and she gets ridiculed before and after plastic surgery. Meanwhile second female lead Hyun Soo Ah, played by Jo Woori, also struggles as a natural beauty due to fears of people no longer liking her should she ever fall below their expectations in any way. This is a thoughtful drama that does not just demonise characters for the sake of drama but gives us lots of food for thought about why people act the way they do regarding appearances. If you like a drama that is fun and cute but also has a good message, you should check out this drama!

My Mister (tvN)

There are dramas where you skip some scenes because you want to get to the main point. There are some dramas where you want every second of it. My Mister was one of those dramas you watch every second of. It was that good. While many Kdramas still having idealistic female leads who slowly get jaded and turn badass only near the end/are always protected by men and never turn badass, My Mister finally does the move of making the female poor but super resourceful, brilliant and cynical, and already super jaded to begin with. Played by top singer and actress IU, the female lead Lee Jian reverses the usual female lead tropes by slowly learning to see some good in the world and learn to dream following a life of extreme poverty and hardship. The other highlight of the drama is the male lead played by talented actor Lee Sunkyun, whose relationship with his brothers and mother, as well as his crumbling marriage with his wife provide a lot of food for thought on the meaning of family and life. By acting as a mentor of IU’s character while also being saved by IU from lots of drama unknowingly, we see two broken souls learn from each other to be better people. The drama also showcased how romance is not the only meaningful love that exists between communities. If you love an insightful slice-of-life drama with realistic intrigues, betrayals, and character development, you would love My Mister.

Radio Romance (KBS2)

Honestly at this point HIGHLIGHT’s Dojoon is just nation’s drama boyfriend and he continues to pick the good scripts as we can see in Radio Romance. The drama is simple - the assistant writer played by Kim Sohyun’s radio show might get cancelled and she manages to somehow get the top radio star played by Dojoon to host her show. Shenanigans happen and romance blossoms. It is stereotypical but done well, with the right amount of twists and just knowing when it should bounce back from the laughs and side stories. If dramas are all dishes, Radio Romance is like that cheesecake that tastes sweet and light, not so filling that it will you sick. It is the dessert you would always go for to feel good. If you like to watch something that makes you feel warm inside, this is the drama for you!

Something in the Rain (JTBC)

I am usually not super into “the younger dongsaeng has a romance with noona who he knows growing up all of a sudden” stories but there was something special about Something in the Rain. When I first began watching this drama, it did not feel like watching a regular Kdrama at all and more like an indie film from the West. There is a feeling of emptiness at the beginning, possibly to signify the resident noona and veteran actress Son Yejin’s unsuccessful love life. There was a lot of dialogue and cuts and it felt like watching a documentary about the lives of the characters. But it was this formatting of Something in the Rain that makes it feel so genuine. The pace of the leads building up their romance was steady and natural. Hence, it made issues they faced feel all the more real too. If you enjoy a realistic slice-of-life portrayal of romance, you would love this drama!

The Guest (OCN)

When I saw the trailer I already knew this was some scary shit. Following its many successful thrillers last year, OCN decided to dive in the more horror side of a thriller in The Guest. To fit this aesthetic, the drama was broadcasted only at 11pm instead of primetime but still had massive success and rightly so. The acting by the three leads Kim Dong Wook (man who can see ghosts and the future), Kim Jaewook (the cold, exorcist priest), and Jung Eunchae (a detective who does not believe in the supernatural) is phenomenal, making their team up to catch criminal possessed by ghosts all the more exhilarating. The actors who play the possessed are also amazing, making for most of the scares in this drama. If you enjoy a mystery and the horror genre, this is the Kdrama for you!

What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim? (tvN)

Being the most searched Kdrama on Google in South Korea this year, it would not make sense for What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim? not to make this list. The drama revolves around the successful but extremely narcissistic company vice chairman played by Park Seojoon and his capable no-nonsense secretary played by Park Minyoung, with the latter quitting after paying off family debts and not being in the mood to work for her annoying boss anymore. The whole process where Park Seojoon tries to retain his secretary of course blossoms into romance etc. etc. One of the reasons this drama did so well was that not only did it have a strong and capable female lead but Park Seojoon defied expectations in his role. As another Kdrama based on a webtoon, original webtoon readers felt like he was not similar to the male lead and were not sure how he would handle the role. But Park Seojoon did a fantastic job, to the point I wanted to bang my head on the table or slap his character whenever he did narcissistic shit. If you want a high-quality rom-com with some unorthodox twists, this is the drama to watch!

Honourable Mentions:

100 Days My Prince (tvN): The fourth highest-rated Korean drama in cable television history starring EXO’s D.O and Nam Jihyun, the drama details the marriage between a noblewoman on the run and a crown prince who lost his memory during a failed assassination attempt.

Are You Human? (KBS2): With the actual development of AI in recent years, more Kdramas have embraced the topic of robot-human romances. Seo Kang Joon and Gong Seungyeon star in this story involving a bodyguard and the AI of a chaebol masquerading as the real chaebol who is in a coma.

Still 17 (SBS): A drama involving a 30-year-old man who doesn’t want to grow up due to trauma (Yang Sejong) and a woman who wakes up after a 13-year coma so acts like a 17-year-old even though she is 30 (Shin Hyesun).

Welcome to Waikiki (JTBC): A comedy-drama starring rising actors Kim Junghyun, Lee Yikyung, and Son Seungwon who run a failing guesthouse called Waikiki. Oh, and there’s a single mother and a baby in this crazy mix!

What’s your Top 10 K-Dramas of the Year? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below and may the drama sharing begin (and the road to more excuse for holiday procrastination!)

Also, if you want to check out underrated K-Pop songs of 2018, here are the lists for idol songs, artist songs, and OSTs!

[2nd-rate-film-school]

Hey Jules! i think this is like the 6th question ive asked u im in super beginner mode. I really want people to see my film whenever it comes out and i just feel like i want to be informed abt everything b4 submitting my script to production companies and the thing that i cant figure out is the box office. I just for some reason cant get my head around how films are sold. What do u think are the factors that make a film “commercially” successful??

Hi again!

I’m glad to know you are learning all you can before taking your script to production companies. That’s a really smart move and it will save you a lot of time (and money).

If you’re looking at how films are sold, I recommend my crash course on how screenplays are sold, as that process is massively important to getting a film made.

To clarify, I’m assuming by “commercially successful” you are referring to Hollywood/Hollywood-style films that make money. For a film to make money, it usually has to earn double it’s production budget its opening week. The reason this is the case is because advertising costs aren’t included in the budget (and advertising usually costs as much as it did to make the film!) It also has to make it opening weekend because, after that, subsequent weeks (individually) won’t sell as many tickets as the first week.

So which films do really well? What films draw the largest audience and are the highest grossing films? Franchises.

Take a look at the top 10 grossing films of the week. At the time I’m writing this post, 7 of the 10 are either remakes or sequels. Of the top 20 grossing films worldwide, only 2 are original (aka, not sequels, remakes, or based on a book). Sadly, most audiences don’t like new things. They like the comfort of walking into a theater to see familiar characters and stories. As long as the story is just different enough, they will eat it up. And production companies, which are first and foremost businesses, know this about their audiences and are much more willing to invest in films that already have an existing fanbase.

Now that you’re probably depressed, I’ll save the rant about the studio system and talk about the good news: You can make money and still make original films! In fact, many of the most profitable film’s are actually low-budget horrors. So lets look at some elements that can make a “commercially successful” film:

Low Budget v. Names and Brands. Low budget films are a wise choice for first-time filmmakers trying to get funding for their original film. Production companies are more willing to take a chance on a film if they don’t have as much to loose. In fact, low budget films can be very rewarding. To make a long story short, Lower budget + large ticket sales = huge profit. On the other side of the spectrum, big names and brands can draw in audiences. This is why many companies, when purchasing scripts, want a name attached to a project. People will go see a film with Jennifer Lawrence that they wouldn’t normally see if they like her as an actress. The same works for directors. 

Knowing Your Audience. Again, audiences like to know what they’re going to see before they see it. If your film is a sci-fi, your audience will expect spaceships, time travel, or aliens. If they don’t find those elements in a film that is supposedly sci-fi, they won’t like it. (This is also where good marketing comes in handy. If the marketing team doesn’t know how to sell a film, it will attract the wrong audience. Many genre-defying films have this problem.) This also applies to recognizing when you have a niche audience. Films that are made for film festivals are much different than blockbusters.

Know Your Buyer. Just like you need to know who will watch your movie, you need to know who will buy it. Pixar isn’t going to buy a gritty horror thriller and A24 isn’t looking for franchises. Do research on the production companies you like to see what kind of films they are making. If they aren’t interested in your type of film, move along and find a company that is interested.

Theme/Concept. If your concept sucks, no one will see it (usually). If your theme is muddled or contradicts itself, people won’t like it. I Feel Pretty, which recently came out and flopped at the box office, followed all the conventions of the genre, but ultimately failed because its theme and concept failed to send the intended message.

Script Structure. A vast majority of films (even many of the experimental ones) follow 3 act structure. For better or for worse, it’s a tried and true method that’s been repeated for almost all of film history. As a writer, if you can master classic Hollywood structure, you are automatically a head above the rest when it comes to getting your script sold (and your film made). For evidence of this, just look at Pixar. Pixar’s writers are masters of script structure

Characters. Even more important than plot or structure is your characters. A strong character has 1) a defined voice and personality 2) a clear want and need, 3) an emotional and visual conflict, 4) flaws and redeeming qualities, 5) and is relatable and/or sympathetic. Characters are the reason we care about a story. They are the reason we will watch a million sequels and spinoffs and why fan fiction exists. A good fictional character feels real, no matter the role they play or how fantastic the story.

Artist’s Voice. At the script level, the types of stories, they way they are told, and how characters act are all indicative of a writer’s voice. The same goes for directors, who tend to have certain styles used to tell stories. Quentin Tarantino, Diablo Cody, The Coen Brothers, Spike Lee, Wes Anderson, Shonda Rhimes... each of these filmmakers have very distinct styles in their stories, dialogue, characters, and genres. The more you can set yourself apart from others and tell the stories only you can tell, the more your work stands out and can find an audience.

So those are some of the the elements of a commercially successful film. Formulaic? Yes. But there is also a lot of room for creativity. You could follow every rule in every book, but without a unique perspective, it won’t interest audiences. If you are passionate about your project and put in the effort, it will show through.

[booksbroadwaybbc]

Walked Away from 1st ever Job, Want to work but I am Uncertain/Anxious about what to do and who to listen too. via /r/selfimprovement

Walked Away from 1st ever Job, Want to work but I am Uncertain/Anxious about what to do and who to listen too.

So this is me currently:

18 years old living with parents.

HS Diploma (Graduated last Month)

Have an Adult Drivers License and Car for commuting.

2500 in cash saved up. Money Received from family/relatives over the last decade + Money made from selling on ebay +

Doing Paid Surveys.

I was interested in someway of making money online instead of a job at 16. I even opened a Tax Exemption ID soon after I turned 18 in 2017 in hopes of starting an online ebay / amazon business. That failed since upfront investment was too much too handle and competition was fierce. There was almost zero room for entry. Other sellers had great prices and so much to offer, While I had nothing much. I was just a guy selling the same stuff that others had been doing since forever and were damn good at it.

Business/Entrepreneurship is off the table since I called my states Department of Revenue to notify I am permanently out of business and closed the tax ID I opened. Why? I kept getting notices in the mail titled Delinquent, saying I need to file business tax returns otherwise my ass was getting penalized.

I really regret not going for a part time job at 16 and just working my way up into something, but the past is the past.

Moving on to 2018, A few weeks ago (right after finishing High School) my mindset was find any job at any pay level, start somewhere and work your way up. This still is my mindset but...

I walked out on my very first job a few days ago. I didn't even tell anyone I was leaving or quitting. It was a rash choice that was just made. The next few lines are alot to read, sorry about that.

How I got this job I walked out on and what happened there:

I told my dad I applied to a job without telling him. I later learned applying there was useless since I applied too late, there open interviews took place in May and I applied in June. Whoops.

My dad was furious and told me that getting hired somewhere requires using people in the inside. He basically told me that you need someone to vouch for you, a reference from someone already working at the place you applied to. This is what my dad did to get my older sister a job after she finished college. This is obviously not entirely true, but my dad is just hard to talk too and doing something like this behind is back and not agreeing with him is like the same as murder.

After he cooled down he got in touch with some of his friends to get me a job at a manufacturing company. This company just opened a new plant and is hiring lots of people. My dad has lots of friends working for this company but at different plants. They are all making decent money and have been getting by. But some of them including my parents told me the reality of working in manufacturing. They told me its not for everyone and it is physical labor that requires endurance, patience, stamina and that it is tough stuff and should not be taken lightly at all, go to school or do something else. My parents have years of experience working in manufacturing and did not want me to go this route. They were super skeptical about this choice I made and were very worried about me. Despite all of that I shrugged it off and went to the office, applied and got an interview date. I did the interview and was given a tour of the plant.

I got asked some questions like where do you see yourself in 5 years? What comes first, safety, production or efficiency?

stuff like that.

A week later I get a phone call to do a drug test. I go to this place and get that done. And a few more days pass and another call comes in. This call is from HR about Orientation. I go to orientation and I am very nervous because I literally have zero employment history. Never worked before. Everyone there was well above my age and had experience. My voice is low when I get anxious and I just felt really panicky. The HR lady even called me out and said she shes me peeping and asked if I was okay. I said I am fine and we moved on. She was right though. I was quiet and really anxious about everything as we discussed OSHA safety and other procedures. I asked only a few questions. We all signed a lot of paperwork and just felt exhausted by the end. I was given A/B schedule and had work the next day. I also had a folder full of stuff and a badge and papers to take to work the next day. We were told to clock in before 6:55, thats when our pay started.

The rest of the day I am just thinking long and hard about this decision. The what if? anxiety was also present the whole day. I managed to fall asleep. I got up real early at 5:30. Hit the freeway and showed up in time. I keyed myself in using the badge I was given. Someone told me I should speak to the supervisor since I am new. I went to the supervisors office and was told to wait in the break room. A lady came to me and introduced me to the plant. She was very nice and courteous. Then she left me with one of the managers and I started working. We were making clorox toilet wands. I struggled for the first 5 minutes than figured out what I was doing. I than started working on one of the assembly lines which was easy. Than there was break and I sat and ate some food, And I probably sat for about 20-25 minutes. I asked someone when break ends and learned I should report back to work. I go back and I am doing something different. Packaging. I sucked at it and the lady who trained me got me doing something else. This was more manageable. But it hurt. Physically. The work was fast paced and my back was having it bad. My legs were too. I don't know exactly how long I did it but I am going to guess it was about 2 hours. This task involved standing forever and placing a clorox container in a package. It did it hundreds of times. Eventually we stopped for a break. There were three 20 min breaks. This job was a 12 hour job from 7 am to 7 pm. Pay was 12 per hour. As I worked I wondered hard that If I really wanted to do this long term. During the orientation we learned that promotions were available after 3 months and if you learned an apprenticeship you can make bank and have a career. This company was a solid company and good pay was there, but the job. The job was physical. As I watched other people do there jobs I had nothing but mad respect for the work they were putting in. When we stopped for that break I was just like "man, do I really want to do this for a living? I am not disrespecting the job or the people there but the work was physical. I only worked for like 2-3 hours and was aching pretty bad. I Even overhead some veteran employees in the break room say "Im Tired".

Another 8 more hours where left to go. We even had to stop the machine for a few minutes cause one of my finger nails started bleeding. I had to run and get a Band Aid and put on some gloves. I worked with those gloves on for some time and the second break came. I went to the bathroom and just wondered about leaving. And that is what I did. I got my lunch box, and walked out. A few people saw me. And I just got in my car, and drove away. I stopped at a local park, rolled my seat and windows down, and just sat there wondering wtf am I going to do with my life. Forget years. forget months. Where will I be with in the next 24 hours? These last couple months I have made so many rash choices. I don't have any ambitions, passions, or talents. I just want to make a living, enough to live and get by, But have no idea how to get there. I have no idea how to work my ass into the middle class.

Should I listen to myself?

My inner self says try out jobs in my area, find one that sticks, work my ass off and build experience. Then work your way up with the same company or different ones.

Or Should I listen to my parents?

Parents want me to go to the local community college. Or work part time and do college. College is totally required in there opinions.

College scares the hell out of me. Alot of people come out with debit, and unable to find jobs in there field. I know teachers, family friends, and countless other people who were not able to find a job with there degree and took on jobs in something else. College is also years of investing your time, I am not ready for that. I also slacked off real bad academically after my sophomore year. I left honors classes and took regular. Did not play sports or join any clubs. I wasted not only my time, But my school and teachers time.

I do not have a specific interest in any major or career. I feel I need to start at the very bottom of any job and work my way up in baby steps. But I am really anxious to apply to other jobs ever since I walked out of that job.

I still need to contact HR to tell them I left which I certainly will do.

With all that being said I realized I need to relax since I am okay. I have been doing chores, babysitting my nephew and helping my parents with things. I don't have kids, rent, debt collectors coming after me and other horrors people out in the world are facing. Even my parents are telling me its not the end of the world, but then My mother says all the time that you will by dreading your ass off in the future for not listening to them. That I will regret not getting a higher education. I respect the advice they give me, but at the end of the its up to me what I do and everything has been rash, unexpected, and just mentally stressful.

or am I eating my own words for not agreeing with them?

Freaking anxiety. It just floats in my head all day.

This is what I have in mind as of 7/8/2018

First thing I need to do is contact HR that I walked away from that job.

Then, I have been looking at other jobs in my area and have found some that are not as labor intensive. No worried about pay, just getting experience is most important.

I want to apply to them and push anxiety aside. One job is even taking open interviews.

Things I have learned and remind myself everyday despite Anxiety

We learn by doing.

Fear is a state of mind.

Your life could be way worse, be thankful for everything you have.

You cant change the past, but you can learn from it.

Dont Complain at all, do what needs to be done.

I am honestly wondering why I am making this. I have thought many times before to sit down and talk with someone or post on reddit about my personal problems. I have watched lots of Gary Vaynerchuck videos on Youtube as well. Gary says complaining and telling people my problems to people instead of doing something about it and listening to other people suppress you from what you feel you should do is wrong. This is very true, but I find myself stressing my self with anxiety more than ever. I really don't now what's going to happen to me. I am very afraid of failure. I don't want to fuck up. I want to make it out of low/ no income status. My mind gets to me all the time.

Any Advice is very much appreciated and I cant thank you enough for taking your own personal time to read this.

Submitted July 09, 2018 at 03:51AM by intertwinedthings via reddit https://ift.tt/2NBajZf