#im taking no critiscm

[pedrisbanana]

unexperienced pedri with an experienced reader

only of you’re comfortable!!!!

Pedri made a mess...

Enjoy 🍌

Limitation

Pedri moaned as you palmed his erection through his sweatpants. His kiss was hungry and desperate. He was a surprisingly good kisser. 

Ever since Pedri had confessed to you that he was insecure about pleasing you, since his prior sexual experience had been rather limited, your relationship had become very intense. You were eager to teach him.

He'd been fumbling with the hem of your shirt for a while now, so you encouraged him to take it off. Pedri touched your breasts of your bra. Fingers caressing over the soft satin material. His innocent touch made you shudder. He took his time, playing with each strap before helping you free your arms. 

You smiled at him, when you unhooked the clasp and let it fall to the floor. Your boyfriend licked his lips at the sight. 

"Lay down. I want to make you feel good." His voice was raspy. The dark spot on his crotch told you he was trying hard to keep composure. 

You laid on your back, against the pillows. Pedri took his shirt off and kneeled in front of you. His brows furrowed. He wasn't sure how to act next. 

"Why don't you spread my legs and tease me a little bit." you suggested, fingers playing with the hem of your shorts. 

Pedri bit his lip, but then moved to lay in between your legs. He began to pepper soft kisses on your stomach. You took one of his hands and put it in your breast, encouraging him to stimulate you.

"You're so beautiful, mi vida" he whispered against the sensitive skin of your lower stomach, pulling at the fabric with his teeth. Your hands caressed his hair and you lifted your hips, hoping he'd catch the hint. 

He let the waistband snap against your skin, before pulling it down along with your panties. 

Back in position, he nipped at the skin of your core, making you buck into him. Pedri only ate you out once before, resulting in you telling him not to treat you like an ice lolly. You hoped he remembered what you told him after. 

Apparently he took your feedback to heart, because he started to drag the tip of his tongue teasingly down your slit, ignoring your most sensitive spot. His eyes were closed and he repeatedly pushed his hips into the mattress, seeking friction. 

Suddenly he surprised you by switching between nipping, licking and blowing cold air onto you, making you fist the duvet in your hands. Oh he really took the critiscm to heart. You moaned his name, pulling harder on his hair.

This seemed to encourage Pedri to continue his experiments. He nudged your clit with his nose and for the first time ever with Pedri you felt an orgasm building up.

"Just like that, Pedri. I'm gonna come" You told him. 

But with that, Pedri groaned against your core and thrust into the mattress.

He looked at you with a frown. 

"I'm sorry, hermosa." he said, angry at himself. You sat up and took his face into your hands, still wet with your arousal. 

"Hey. Don't be sorry. I really enjoyed it." you comforted him, but he pushed you away and stood up to remove his pants. 

"How could you ? I can't even make you orgasm. Only because Im to immature to not come in my pants." He wiped himself with the tissues. 

You followed and hugged him from behind. "It's a learning process, Pedri. You don't need to make me orgasm in order for me to enjoy sex with you." your voice was tender, hoping he'd calm down. 

"It's just frustrating me. I want to be able to please the woman I love and not end up being the ex boyfriend who couldn't even give head properly." Pedri touched your arms, turning around to face you.

This made you angry. "You think I'm gonna break up with you, because of sex ? Pedri, I love you. A silly orgasm isn't gonna change that." 

He looked down, still ashamed. 

You smiled, poking his stomach. "C'mon. Let's take a bath together. If you really want me to have that ridiculous orgasm you can try again hm." 

Pedri kissed you, mood lightened. "Oh this time I won't let you off this easily."

A/N: I have to confess, writing this was really tricky for me, especially since I still wanted to keep the aspect of Pedri taking the lead. (Personally I don't like writing submissive male leads)

I hope you like it anyway, even though it's rather short.

Lots of Kisses!

[kenthenugget]

Random Art Thought

So usually I would make this a tweet but considering how.....awful twitter has become, I guess I can turn a multi tweet thread into a single post.

TLDR, I feel like critiscm is good unless its uncalled for. This may be an unpopular opinion, a hot take if you will, but please here me out. I am someone who isn't against critiscm at all. I understand its a crucial part of being an artist and rejecting any form of it can threaten to damage your reputation and growth as an artist. But for me, Im mostly fine with it as long as Im asking for it. Like I will ask for the help and advice in cases that I dont know what I'm doing or feel something is off, which is...well 80% of the time. But other times, I just want to draw and not have that be an issue, or post something on a discord chat, talk about it and not have to worry about prodding questions that put me in a very uncomfortable position, or if the person nitpicks shit without having any context. Its that type of critiscm I'm not entirely comfortable with. Im sure Im not the only one who feels this way, right? Like I'm not sounding like an Andrew Dobson when I mention this right?

[sunshinepixels]

Ride or Die 

@cielsims-cc

[mountainscouts]

you said you had some gary headcanons? Im curious to know more of what you think of him ?

i DO! i have a lot of headcanons for sp chars like every other person but since gary is my government assigned south park one-shot episode character that i've hopelessly attached myself to i definitely have thought about him a lot! here we go!

growing up gary is a well-rounded kid, excelling at school and participating in extracurricular sports but he prefers the arts more compared to anything.

he's always been musically inclined as a kid, along with his siblings who he envisioned having a family band with when they would grow up. as time went on, his siblings grew out of their instruments. gary occasionally picks up a guitar now as he's older. occasionally.

his dad collected vinyls while he was younger but gary was the only one interested in inheriting said collection. the collection consists of 60s 70s and 80s tunes usually gravitating towards a folk and rock n roll sound of those times.

here's a playlist i made of songs i think he'd like because it wasn't obvious enough that i have waaay too much free time!

he's not a total boomer when it comes to music though, okay... he also fancies the niche genre of early 2010s to mid 2010s feel good folk rock alternative. fair warning: i am projecting

that being said his favorite band is probably like the beatles and his favorite songs by them are probably let it be, two of us, and ob-la-di ob-la-da...

gary is gay gay homosexual gay. i don't take critiscm. it makes his (nonexistent) character more interesting anyways.

he's not angst induced because of his sexuality, infact he's fully aware that he likes men and told his parents with little to no hesitation. because he loves his family duh!!!

(side note: i really don't like it when people antagonize gary's family in stories because it's genuinely not believable especially with how tight he is with his family. yeah religious familial abuse is a real thing but i don't think gary's family would disown him. especially because in mormonism its "okay" to be homosexual. of course, the fact that no one can act on it is a very huge problem of it's own but the point still stands. plz his family are nice people y'all... 😭)

since being mormon means you can't act on it. it meant while growing into his adult shoes, he refrained from ever thinking about romance in general as he didn't want to jeopardize his faith and loyalty towards the church. yeowch.

gary still lived in south park but has transferred out not from his own will but his parent's. he finishes up to middle school in some other school in park county until leaving the county.

funny enough, the friends he would make at school would be mostly girls. he just seems like a guy who would have girls flock to him just because of how welcoming he is!

he also does volunteer work as if that wasnt obvious with his family, but he is often a tutor at his schools.

as gary grows more in control of his wardrobe while getting older its shown that he dresses pretty conservatively. i simply believe that gary would look good in a slick 60s or 70s semi formal outfit. white boy rocking that white boy fashion

gary loves the summer. since hes part of the salt lake city diaspora he's well accustomed to having a hot summer unlike in south park where it doesn't get more than 70° in the middle of july.

if he could, he would live in the desert. probably somewhere in california.

gary was built for being an athlete, which he takes advantage of for the most part. he's an MVP in multiple of sports he plays in but that's just because of a natural talent of his.

he's got a slim yet hearty frame once he grows into his body. not too skinny yet not too buff. like the rest of his physical appearance, perfect!

he stands at a modest 5'9'' once fully grown and his posture is one of a pole. very straight unlike him 👬😞

when tanned from being out in the sun (which ends up being often) he is sunkissed with freckles.

fun fact: i care him

at this point this little blonde bitch is my oc. sincere apologies to matt and trey. i also have headcanons on how he'd interact with other characters but i'll save that for another time. heres a bonus drawing i did while contemplating whether to draw my main headcanons out or not!

[eremiie]

As a person who didn't enjoy the ending, here is my take: if we look at chapter 139 alone, with no prior context or knowledge of the story, then yeah the chapter is great. But knowing that the entire aot was literally a commentary on real-life stuff, like war, corruption etc, the entire "Let's forgive Eren, even though he started a genocide and we were against every single of his actions like 2 chapters ago, but he did this for ussssss so he is for sure a good guy" kinda iffy.

I don't even wanna talk about the entire smiling titan/ Carla fiasco, because this entire thing was so unnecessary for the plot?? Like, this is the final chapter, why are you creating a fucking plot hole?? This entire detail made Eren a much more unlikable character than before, in my opinion. AND I LIKE EREN.

As a conclusion: for me, it felt like 138 chapters of world building and character development were thrown out of the window so we could get some sort of a happy ending. I feel like a tragic ending would have been much more satisfying, maybe if all of the titans (by that I mean their human bodies) had died as well?

With that said, constructive criticism is always a good thing, but I've been seeing way too many "fans" attacking Isayama directly. This may not be your ideal ending, it's not mine either, but it's his. And that is ultimately the only ending that matters, so take it or leave it ig?

hey, im glad you were nice abt expressing ur opinion hehe, i appreciate that a lot

aot 139 spoilers

i actually think it’s the exact opposite, when you look at every chapter in addition to 139 it’s a great chapter because everything clicks, eren’s motive, the way he acted, mikasa, armin, everything in between.

i explain the whole “let’s forgive eren” thing here if you wanna read that!

an excerpt from what i said was that; 

“armin (and everyone) thanks eren for doing what he did to free them. not thanking eren for for mass murder period. it’s because of eren that the curse is lifted and that they are free and that’s what armin’s thanking eren for. mass murder is inexcusable, and eren knows that. that’s why after he panics and goes “but i dont want to die!” he comes to a realization that all the people he killed didn’t want to either, that the only way to atone for his sins is by dying himself. even if he didn’t die he would’ve probably been executed, or imprisoned for the rest of the life. just like in mikasa’s ova, “eren’s death is inevitable, no matter what reality you go to eren will always die because he carries death within himself.”

in another translation of the chapter armin thanks eren for being the bad guy so that they could win. he knows what eren did was bad. he’s not excusing it, he just understands why eren had to do it and that eren had no choice if he wanted them to be free.

from the get go freedom was one of the themes of eren’s character. if eren lived the whole entire world would be ruins and eren would’ve been even sadder than now, there would be nobody and it would’ve been worse than it is now. eren killing everyone was definitely not the ending to go. the ending we have could’ve been executed differently, sure, but in my eyes since i get the gist i think isa did an amazing job portraying what he had in mind.”

they were against his actions because they didn’t understand them, since eren spoke to all of them through paths, yes even the rest of the alliance, the same way he spoke to mikasa in 138— we just only got a glimpse of mikasa and armin’s talk bc they’re the main characters alongside eren in a sense

and i explain the carla thing in this post, and here’s an excerpt from that!

“one thing about isa’s writing style is that nothing is ever handed to you, everything is foreshadowed and you use context clues. it’s actually a pretty common style of writing— you give your reader 2+2, not 4. he mentioned it because you should’ve understood that part— eren sent the smiling titan to eat his mom because in the scene when the smiling titan had went into the walls the first person it should’ve ate was bertholdt. bertholdt was on the ground when the smiling titan had walked passed him— and usually titans are supposed to eat any human they encounter in hopes of finding a titan shifter to revert them. if the smiling titan had ate bertholdt it would’ve disrupted the path that ymir laid out for eren, messed up future events and the ending of aot wouldn’t have turned out like the ending of aot (with eren freeing his friends and breaking the curse of ymir), so he had to keep the smiling titan moving forward and his mom happened to be the next human she encountered, therefore his mom had to get eaten instead.

season 4 episode 3 

in chapter 139 eren says “it wasn’t bertholdt’s time to die yet.””

i can see why you would want a more tragic ending, i understand how it can feel like everything that happened was thrown away— carrying on such a tragic story you’d probably expect a tragic ending. however i will say isayama did mention years ago that’d the ending would be bittersweet and he delivered that, as well as the fact that in my opinion everything kind of led up to these events; isa gives you hints throughout the whole entire show, and those hints is exactly how i figured that 1) eren would die (i knew after watch mikasa’s ova that he’d die for sure) and 2) that the rumbling wasn’t eren’s real plan and that s4 eren wasn’t only a facade, but yeah i respect your opinion as well and ty for expressing it so well <333

and i totally agree ab the constructive critiscm part!! a lot of “fans” are doing to much on isayama and being pure disrespectful. it’s pretty disgusting to see, thats why i really appreciate the way you presented how you felt, it was respectful and in a well manner— you’re awesome for that.

and right, it doesn’t matter how we wanted it to end, it’s the ending he gave to us and regardless of if we like it or not that’s not gonna change the ending— so like you said, take it or leave it!

[maid-of-the-golden-deer]

i really struggle with tumblrs love if movies that ARE bad but were just hated for the wrong reasons

like yeah ppl shit on the h//s//m movies bc teen girls loved them and that should be tossed out the window but they sure as hell aint good

[warriorof42]

i am honestly open to being critical of media in all things, i am. 

but whenever i see anything taz critical i just..

ignore it

[nezanie]

Fire emblem 16 hcs

To celebrate having a new fe soon im jotying down hcs. Ill probably write some fics once start playin. Based on mybyleth being my own silly avatar ofc (note: mine byleth is nb using they/her pronouns and I envision them a mix of both f! And m! Byleth.)

MyByleth has a crush on 12 ppl and they don't know it until the timeskip happens. They're on the acespectrum and can be dense

Everyone is super cute to mybyleth, hence why they mistake their crushes for being "oh these students are extra cute, gotta be a good teach, gotta"

Puns with Claude just to get on Dimitri nerves

Edelgard sticks close to them and mybyleth is a mess but manages to get through lessons without embarrassing themselves. They did slip on wet floor out of the room and take edelgard down with them though right after.

Marianne makes their paternal instinct go full drive. Every student and mybyleth have snacks for her and the animals that tail her.

Marianne has to sit on the back because she doesn't have full control in the animals who also worry and bring her 'presents'. "They say I got to eat and get strong or I wont survive the winter????". Marianne pls dont eat the raw salmon that bear got you cook it ok?

Bernadetta once braved the outside to see the puppies.

Rhea pats everyone, nobody is brave enough to.ask her how old she is.

Mercedes was so shocked about being treated like that Bec Rhea looks as old as her, maybe slightly older and she just froze and fumbled the rest of the convo. Rhea: that kid is so cute. MyByleth, an moron: how.. old? Edelgard, an angel: hey professor I need to ask you a thing!!!!

Dorothea faces harsh critiscm for being a commoner but she's hard working and smiles it off. Her black eagle comrades break some bones for her, in secret.

There is no tree that flayn and Cyril have not climbed.

Rapheal knows how to sew, he has to his buttons fly off all the tine

[anitabnght]

Stripe

This is stripe, their mom is a karen and their dad is a cool magic dude. They are really overprotected and sheltered, they really want to be an adventurer tho. They camp in their bedroom. They are also a really big artist, and draws all over the walls. They will color on anything they can, and can't take critiscm. Sorry for being so inactive, I have been really unmotivated the past couple weeks and I just haven't felt like posting anything, I know thats a crappy excuse but Im going to try and get better now. I do have a huge ass backlog now though! ___________________________________________ Thanks for checking my art out <3! Dm me about comissions or customs! Check me out on DA:https://www.deviantart.com/silversaeva FA: https://www.furaffinity.net/user/silverpinerock/ Weasyl:https://www.weasyl.com/~silverpinerock Twitter: https://twitter.com/SilverSavea Tumblr:https://silversaeva.tumblr.com/

Posted using PostyBirb

[avianhaven]

finished carmen season 2 and Oh My God carmen you’re a ballsy bitch and i love you so much. ivy and carmen and dating *bangs judges gavel* no other content in this house.

misc thoughts w mild spoilers: 

-glad they added several more greasy white man representation (but mostly fucking that neal bastard) so people dont only lust over mime bomb and chase and hopefully stop shipping them together as the previously only greasy white men.*

*im not including maelstrom bc thankfully i have yet to see any horny chicanery with him and im not saying there isn’t any but at least it’s a can of worms i’ve neither passive nor actively come across. and grey doesn’t count bc tragically people are weird abt him but in a straight way, people are weird abt mime and chase but it’s bc they both radiate extreme homophobic gay man energy (no i do not take critiscm)

-that first ep w the fun outfits. le chevre’s fucking fur leg warmers. him and shadowsan handshake meme w dressing as their furry DND characters solidarity. also that outfit of shadowsan’s was the best out of all of his this season, the rest weren’t bad but they were overarchingly dilf vibes and i for one prioritise edgy middle age dnd goth vibes.

-”MORE children??” and him being like “i admire your prudence in not letting me find out yr HQ” like internally knowing full well this ragtag group of teenagers has no such thing but living that blissful denial life.

-did he change his VA? he sounds just a little bit british idk. also wow thot he was hanzo but he’s actually genji overwatch (idk shit abt overwatch i just know he shares a VA and something abt brothers)

-player i love you. just in general but you are constantly always the MVP

-im SO glad cookie booker was not only in an episode but is the middle point between countess cleo’s femme prep and doctor bellum’s butch nerd lesbian energies. harold. also in that episode there was NO need WHATSOEVER for them to walk the cat walk but they did it.

-fucking TREY STERLING not even getting into that but saw that ep w my roomie and he turned and laughed in my face. i almost cried, and then saw the next episode on my own after he went to bed and fucking STERLING STERLING i did cry that time hhhh. goth taketh and giveth in emotionally extreme ways.

-ivy finally got a new outfit and honestly? hell yeah it was only relevant once but thank god. also the ep where she gets mistaken for carmen. “carmen sandiego is just That Good” IVY I LOVE YOUUUUUUU, also again ivy and carmen. dating. i wanted ivy to hold carmen’s hypothermic face in her calloused but gentle bostonian hands.

-ivy is a mechanic!!! is she the one who makes carmen’s gadgets bc it was implied. ivy said girl engineer rights. also the evil mechanic in that episode? hot. the driver who totally called as VILE, also hot and im so glad of all the women zach’s hit on it was her? she was great idk

-the episode where carmen has to avoid electrical damage by dancing to swan lake can i say artistry? can i say fucking cinematography???

-the thing w coach brunt gave me a fucking heart attack like HELLO WHAT? did it ever say how they found her i rly have to rewatch. also her anger towards not just carmen’s betrayal but betrayal and then “joining” another organization, can i say drama??

-the “wolf in sheeps clothing thing” uh dare i say BITCH?

-so technically during her time as black sheep the first and last person she stole from was dr bellum right? pocket protector and her phone back? that’s so valid

[fuckyeahladynoir]

i feel like sometimes i shouldn't say something or dress a certain way cause it'll upset my parents or friends, and it's kind of hard for me to take critiscm so i'd rather just stay the same person i was like 5 years ago (same outfit, same hairstyle, same evrtyhing) but lately ive been really depressed about it. after following you for a while you've really inspired me to try to change to better myself. any advice on how to go about that? i think its about time. im 24, from canada too!

Well my fellow Canadian it seems you’ve already made a decision. No matter what happens in life, when you do something out of your comfort zone it’s gonna fucking suck so just for it. Get new clothes, change your hair, present yourself in the way that YOU want to be perceived as. Don’t think, just do. 

If people want to judge you, hate you, mock you, or just straight up be a piece of shit about how you choose to be, that’s a reflection of them. Not you. 

Yeah it might suck, but i’d rather be hated and happy than loved and sad. 

Chin up, and be proud of yourself. Theres only one of you, and that makes you priceless. 

[piefanart]

The Tales of  a Teenage Time Traveler: Chapter One

Im going to attempt to write out the story that me and my best friend verbally wrote, but its very long and will take me a while. im going to upload one chapter at a time, as i write them. the tag will be #ttt or #mcefi so you can find the chapters on my blog. please keep in mind that ive been writing this and adding on to it since i was 11 and its basically a huge crossover self insert fanfiction. but here we go! (Construcvive critiscm is appreciated!)

My name is Mcefi. I come from earth, but I don’t live there anymore. I travel the stars, discovering new planets, and helping those in need. I don’t travel alone; I have my best friend, Hannah Solo, my adopted daughter, Ingleopold, and my cat, George, among others. But you are probably wondering, how did I first become a space traveler? Its not like earth has a very good exchange program or anything. Sit down, pour yourself a nice cup of tea, and I’ll tell you my story.

Chapter one

It was a sunny august afternoon. Hannah and I were sitting on the couch, playing Mario kart together for what I thought would be the last time before school started. I was 11, and starting seventh grade soon. Hannah was also 11, but a few months younger then me. She was going into the sixth grade.

“Haha! Gotcha!” I yelled, as I hit Hannah's kart with a red shell. She frowned. “First of all, how dare you, and second,” she paused for a moment, waiting for her mystery block to choose an item, “SUCKER!” she fired a blue shell and it began its path towards me.

“No!” I yelled, desperately trying to pass the finish line before it caught up with me. But the baby carriage isn’t exactly known for its speed, and the malicious shell soon caught up to me. It honed in on its target, exploding in a fireball. Baby Mario threw a tiny fit as his kart was flipped upside down. I watched in horror as Hannah, playing as Bowser, zoomed past me and across the finish line of the Maple Treeway. Hannah lept up and began dancing her victory dance.

“C'mon, that wasn’t fair!” I protested. Hannah stuck her tongue out at me. I glared at her and grabbed her wiimote.

“My turn to choose the racecourse,” I said. The pointer hovered over Wario's Gold Mine, my favorite course. But just as I was about to press the A button to choose the course, Hannah turned off the Wii.

“Hey, what was that for?” I asked, standing up off the worn couch.

Hannah looked nervous, an emotion she didn’t often wear.

“There's uh, something I should probably tell you. Or, well, I suppose its better if I just show you,” she said, staring blankly at the ground. I turned my head on its side in confusion. “What is it?” I asked. Hannah grabbed my arm and opened the back door. “Outside,” she said. I followed her into the backyard, over behind the old RV we played in occasionally.

“What is it, Hannah?” I repeated, getting nervous. Hannah grabbed my hands, holding them hard.

“I am not…. Who you think I am,” she began, her voice barely more then a whisper. I raised an eyebrow.

“C'mon, Hannah, there’s no time for goofing off, I have to go home soon! Let's go play more Mario Kart!” I said, a hint of nervous laughter in my voice. Hannah sighed.

“This is why I figured I should just show you,” she muttered to herself. Then she caught my gaze again. “I am not human, and I am not from this planet. I am from somewhere very, very far away. I know this sounds stupid and like I’m making it up, but I'm not,” she said, her voice strained. Her eyes were big and truthful; I had only seen her like this a handful of times before.

“What are you talking about?” I asked. Hannah let go of one of my hands to pull something out of her pocket. It was a small key on a bright green ring.

“I am a traveler. I fly through the stars searching for adventure. But eleven years ago, I crash landed here. My ship was badly damaged, and its taken me this long to repair it. I had to disguise myself as one of the humans in order to gather the needed supplies. A human child; that way I would be able to get housing without needing to worry about id and all that stuff,” she explained.

“But- I've known you my whole life! Since you were a baby! And your mom- is she an alien too?” I asked, bewildered.

“No, she is human, but she isn’t my mom. Not really. You know the story about how I was a twin in her womb, but the other baby died, right? Well, I wasn’t a twin. The human I call my mother was only bearing one child. She had a miscarriage five months in. I convinced her that I was her child and the other baby was my unborn twin. Humans are very impressionable, and when they are grieving they will believe anything to get their loved one back.”

“Does she know?” I asked.

“No. and she must never know.” Hannah led me to a mailbox, one of the big multi-house ones with all the slots on the one side. She stuck her key into a slot on the back of the mailbox. A door opened.

“In here,” she instructed, ducking her head as she stepped into the mailbox. I followed her in, completely unprepared for what I saw next.

[apocatolypsemeow-blog]

I sat alone in the corner of the Doshi House. My eyes wandered. Ciggerette burns in my clothes. I watch as people come in and out. This world is jaded, not me. It’s funny how we lie to ourself, to determine what’s right and wrong… We never except critiscm… never deny praise. I sat back and read what  Iwrote… what gives me the right? People always told me I stood out. I have a nice face.  This one man calls me slim, I believe him. When I look at myself in the mirror all I see is a stick figure, stalking along the boulevard of insecurity and fasle security. So I drink. Hold your judgments at the door though, if you want to fix me I won’t listen to you. I will spare you the time and effort: I don’t care. At least that’s what I’ll tell you. Regardless of what you say to me you will never get past my blank face, my curly eyelashes, my small nose… Obssessed is definitely the right word for it…

My father just called me, but the usual contempt and fear wasn’t there. He has definitely changed since him and my mom split up. Heh, it’s funny how that happens. He’s become a lot more laid back, not so stressed. Maybe my mother was as much to blame for my insecurity as my father was. I won’t say that I have a priviledged life, but I definitely don’t feel llike im on my own anymore. It’s weird having your father in your life, as a friend, but I can’t shake the feeling that I want him to be proud of me. Yeah I know I know, that’s a normal feeling to have towards your father. But I never really acknowledged that until he started helping me and understanding me instead of pissing me off, yelling at me, taking hhis anger out on me, making me fear him to a point where I run hide in my room if he was home. Now that I moved out the strain has lessened…. But the money strain is forreal. I still don’t like him giving me money. I think it goes beyond being my own man. I don’t like my money me tracked. Regardless, there are still emotional issues I need to work out with him that I don’t think I can do. I don’t think I possess the emotionial courage and depth to speak up about theses issues, and I don’t think he does either. I did go to counceling about him. It actually temporaily saved my ass. But that’s a different story, a story of addiction and unfortunate circumstances.

I wish I had crazy college stories. I mean I do, but not the steryotypical ones. Let me try and dig some up. Lets start with freshman year:

[apocatolypsemeow-blog]

I sat alone in the corner of the Doshi House. My eyes wandered. Ciggerette burns in my clothes. I watch as people come in and out. This world is jaded, not me. It’s funny how we lie to ourself, to determine what’s right and wrong… We never except critiscm… never deny praise. I sat back and read what  Iwrote… what gives me the right? People always told me I stood out. I have a nice face.  This one man calls me slim, I believe him. When I look at myself in the mirror all I see is a stick figure, stalking along the boulevard of insecurity and fasle security. So I drink. Hold your judgments at the door though, if you want to fix me I won’t listen to you. I will spare you the time and effort: I don’t care. At least that’s what I’ll tell you. Regardless of what you say to me you will never get past my blank face, my curly eyelashes, my small nose… Obssessed is definitely the right word for it…

My father just called me, but the usual contempt and fear wasn’t there. He has definitely changed since him and my mom split up. Heh, it’s funny how that happens. He’s become a lot more laid back, not so stressed. Maybe my mother was as much to blame for my insecurity as my father was. I won’t say that I have a priviledged life, but I definitely don’t feel llike im on my own anymore. It’s weird having your father in your life, as a friend, but I can’t shake the feeling that I want him to be proud of me. Yeah I know I know, that’s a normal feeling to have towards your father. But I never really acknowledged that until he started helping me and understanding me instead of pissing me off, yelling at me, taking hhis anger out on me, making me fear him to a point where I run hide in my room if he was home. Now that I moved out the strain has lessened…. But the money strain is forreal. I still don’t like him giving me money. I think it goes beyond being my own man. I don’t like my money me tracked. Regardless, there are still emotional issues I need to work out with him that I don’t think I can do. I don’t think I possess the emotionial courage and depth to speak up about theses issues, and I don’t think he does either. I did go to counceling about him. It actually temporaily saved my ass. But that’s a different story, a story of