#imma give this poor soul so much anxiety and trauma

[avalordream]

Prompt: Imagine you get isekaied in Our Life. Only thing is that you wake up as a child and remember everything. You can only save at this point but you can still access the save and load menu and see your previous runs.

Meanwhile your precious neighbor is slowly becoming self aware, getting deja vu with every passing second- as if this has all happened before...

A/N: A few days after I posted this- a few other thoughts came to mind- SO HERE IS MY ATTEMPT AT VOCALIZING THEM

You’re keenly aware of how small and tiny you are the moment you wake up. 

For the first few days, you started to acclimate to…the family home. 

It wasn’t YOUR family though. It never was. It was MC’s. Not your’s.

You could project all you wanted onto MC but it was never your family or your life to experience. It was theirs.

Even so, you quickly found yourself missing the life you were used to. More specifically:

The cuisine.

It was hard not to draw suspicion to the fact that you were craving different food genres aside from Mom’s Pamela’s mac and cheese and cheeseburgers. 

Ma’s Noelani’s Hawaiian food helped quite a bit to hold you over as you started to ponder over how to approach it.

Kind of hard to bring it up to your MC’s parents that you wanted Asian/Middle eastern/Indian/Pakistani/Mexican/etc food when there was none of that for miles around

For the time being, you had to quietly hint and nudge their thoughts into that direction but not enough to make them suspicious. Noelani obviously had her suspicions about Cove getting into the house from Step 2-3 but never brought it up once. From what you could tell, she was scary observant

Another issue was how clumsy your new body was.

Your mind might be able to remember how to do everyday tasks like writing and such but this tiny body didn’t have the muscle memory to match it

Much to Liz’s dismay, you spent quite a bit of your time forcing your hands and legs to train to do things your adult body could do in a snap

Time wise- technology was a huge sucker punch. It made you feel bad for taking your own devices for granted. 

That being said, self learning everything was going to be hard without a phone or computer on hand, especially knowing that you’d have to go through the cursed education system all over again- but most likely much harder

There had to be a reason older folk complained about it, right?...

Your MC’s birthday was the same as your own, just that the birth year is 1997. That being said, the current year was 2006… Funny. You were only two in 2006…

…

Back to self learning, you tried to practice what you considered basic math long after everyone had fallen asleep

Usually, your day was filled with entertaining Shiloh and Liz, playing in the park or going along with whatever Liz said. Judging by the giant for sale sign across the street and the date, you figured out that you got isekaied roughly at least a month or two before Cove and Mr. Holden would move in. 

Who knew how that would go now that you weren’t subjected to just three choices?

Even after playing around, your body was exhausted and your baby mind was just as pooped out.

The first few days you would wake up early as children do and tried doing your math and remembering as much as you could at that time

Yeah, Liz nearly gave you a heart attack after she barged in and you had to play it off as you scribbling absolute nonsense cause you were bored

After that near collision, you changed your prep time to being at night. Sure, you woke up to Liz shaking you and not getting enough sleep in the morning, but you needed to refresh your memory the best you could

You couldn’t do it every night though and did your best to keep some sort of schedule so you wouldn’t forget - and worry your MC’s moms

They noticed the first few times of how sleepy you’d be when you’d wake up later than usual - granted if Liz didn’t wake you up - and a few nights after, you nearly got caught right in the middle of your review.

Pam was more sneaky than Noelani, so you should’ve seen this coming- but even so, you had everything spread out on your rug when you just barely heard her footsteps come to your MC’s door

You had enough time to shove everything underneath your bed - your room was messy enough but better safe than sorry - and quickly dive under the covers before you heard your door open with the softest of clicks

She was around for a good while before you heard the door close again but you didn’t relax until you were sure her footsteps went back to the master bedroom

After that, you were much more careful about how long you spent studying and when. You haven’t been caught since.

Occasionally, you’d have to sneak in your MC’s parent’s room to grab any books that you needed. Good thing Noelani was a book nerd.

You did have to be careful about your self learning- you didn’t want them getting any suspicions that their kid was suddenly…different out of nowhere.

You had no idea what MC was like as a kid before the events of Our Life so you tried your best to piece together what you could 

Speaking of, there were a bunch of things you quickly realized about Our Life, one of which is that game didn’t go over nearly everything that MC went through, let alone before Cove came or others that it only touched on briefly

For example, the tourists that came and went every year happened to be close friends of Pamela’s from her time in university, hence why they were so friendly to you and Liz in particular. 

It was also why they knew how to… handle your ever changing moods. At least-

That’s what it looked like to them.

To you- it was because you had to battle MC’s initial responses to these scenarios.

Go figure, this body still had its fair share of emotions inside of it, leaving you to figure out if this sharp pang of fear or worry was your own or not.

It left you second guessing everything you did, especially when you’d be up at night, studying and practicing your writing

It seriously irked you, knowing your writing was sloppy even though you knew this body couldn’t help it. It didn’t make seeing your scrappy writing less frustrating though

Despite how much you tried to hide how YOU felt, not MC, Noelani still picked up on the small shifts in your behavior. 

One of these being the irritation you harbored for your writing. 

Speaking of emotions, you found your body easily overwhelmed by any stronger ones- your own irritation making you cry- an alien feeling and one that took even you by surprise.

Worse part? The first time happened was in front of Noelani when she tried to help you practice your penmanship

Naturally, she tried to comfort you MC by trying to console you, saying it’d be better with practice and wiping away your tears but no matter how YOU tried, the tears wouldn’t stop flowing

It wasn’t until much later that you realized that MC’s tiny self had their own limits and by pushing those adult feelings and expectations that YOU had onto it sent it into a messy overdrive.

After that, you had learned to slow down- the world wasn’t ending…even if it felt like it.

…

The nail in the coffin for you that made YOU cry. Not MC’s body: Your dreams started to resemble parts of your life. 

You’d dream that you were back at your desk job or filling out mundane paperwork but no matter how boring it’d be, it was YOUR life.

The one YOU were used to and familiar with

You’d always feel so relieved to be back where you were supposed to, whether you were happy with that life or not

It was that feeling of having all your choices in your hand and being in control of where you wanted to go, if that made sense.

Nobody made those choices for you except well…you.

Only to have that feeling of familiarity ripped away once you registered Liz waking you up to play while “Ma and Mom snooze the day away!”

…

You just want to go home…

To YOUR home…

-> Part 1.5 <- ⊹ ‧₊˚ Isekai Self Aware Taglist: @lilqi @annoying-mary ˚₊‧ ⊹

[ofzola]

howdy y’all! i’m jalynn, i’m twenty, i use she/her pronouns and i live in the est (east coast best coast am i right or am i right)! i’m like.....beyond excited to be in this rp with y’all and to get the ball rolling soon! i’m basically the most talkative and open book you’ll ever meet pls ask me anything i promise i’ll have an answer for u......anywho i guess this is the part where i introduce y’all to my baby...my love...my sweet summer child even though she was technically born in the winter......miss zola carter, ur resident butterfly muah

zola naomi carter | 21 y/o | the butterfly | international relations major | cultural anthropology minor

so. i would link a bio but....my app was like..10 pages long (oops) so. i’ll get around to that later aksjadhasd

 first things first! zola grew up in bankhead, georgia (which is the hood in case none of y’all have ever lived around there)

so, as you can probably guess, zola grew up pretty poor, but she never minded bc she never knew any other way to live; to her, it was just life, and the hood was just home

her parents always preached to her about how amazing she was, and that she was gonna change the world, and that she deserved better than what she was born into, and since she was a kid, she really internalized those messages

so for a period of time, zola was happy, well adjusted, confident kid

(tw here for parental death)

everything changed when zola was 16; her father, who was involved in gangs and never truly stopped, was murdered. zola’s parents kept her rather sheltered from the sad realities of the hood bc they didn’t want her to feel discouraged with life, so of course, when her family was touched by this part of hood reality, zola was extremely shocked

this experience caused zola to develop anxiety and ptsd (though, she didn’t get diagnosed til much later) (also these are very common disorders that young kids from the hood suffer from and i wanted to highlight that realistically)

this situation really messed with her worldview, and her relationship to her hood now is really complicated bc she still loves her home but like. reality of it isn’t good every day

zola’s mental health sinks, and we see our little butterfly retreat into a cocoon 

but college was right around the corner, and st. ettienne’s was her dream school, but her mom couldn’t afford it, and zola was a smart cookie but they don’t hand out full scholarships like that.....so both her n her mom knew the reality was just cyclical poverty despite zola’s potential, but neither of them brought it up

that is!! until zola’s (rich) aunt stepped in and decided this couldn’t happen! long story short, after a lot of arguing with zola’s mom, she got zola to move up to connecticut with her, so she could get ready for college (that her aunt offered to pay for where scholarships couldn’t)

zola experiences a lot of culture shock, which doesn’t help her mental situation bc atp it’s the summer before her senior yr of high school, and only about a year after her dad’s death

zola more than likely got bullied to an extent at this point, as well bc like........poor dark skinned black girl from the hood down south moves to this really elitist rich area in connecticut...it only makes sense

basically before her freshman year of college, zola decided to go to therapy bc she was just sick of feeling sad an anxious and icky all the time! and she did some soul searching (longish story) and got back in touch with baby zola who believed she was the one who was gonna save the world and give her hood a good name

so fast forward to now, she’s a senior and still goes to therapy frequently bc anxiety and ptsd are just things she’ll always have to deal with (and more often these days bc the murder of daisey is really messin with her head since daisey was her roommate)

but even though senior zola is light years ahead of freshman zola in terms of mental health and confidence, she’s still got a long way to go! but she’s workin on it!

also her relationship to money is still kinda shaky.....she’s so used to not having any that sometimes if she’s feeling stressed in any way or bored...she’s gonna drop big dollars on some clothes she LOVES fashion now that she can afford the luxury of it and it’s literally her biggest vice (impulse shopper, but she doesn’t think so...she’ll see in a few more therapy sessions)

also.....savior complex....she’s got one.......again she thinks that her need to save the world is completely unrelated to her trauma but boy does she have a big storm coming

also the imposter syndrome kicks in hard with this one sometimes.....she knows she deserves to be here as much as anyone else but like...all it takes is one lil thing to go wrong before she’s thinkin about dropping out and giving her spot to someone else she thinks deserves it more

but really. anxious, sensitive, and paranoid as she may be, zola’s got a heart of absolute gold

anyways...i’m making this kinda long so imma just sum up her personality now ajkhdkjdhaljdha

+(positives) ambitious, empathetic, intrinsically motivated, dedicated

-(negatives) insecure, savior complex, paranoid, kinda impulsive

now ig it’s wanted connection time! here goes:

now for the most part, i’m literally up for any and every single thing! so if u have any ideas just hit me with ‘em all! but off the top of my head ig it’d be cool to see: - her cousin? idk if this is possible atm bc idk if there are any other black characters around, but i think it’d be cool if her aunt is one of ur muse’s mom! - any type of love/romantic interest would be fun (plus i’ve literally never plotted one before??)  - zola’s model un team captain so ig a co-captain or members would be fun! she’s also a writer for the campus newspaper, and in book club so there’s that - any and every type of friendship....she’s already frenemies with the princess and super cool with the alpha, but i’m down for any and every type of friendship please give me that...study buddies, lunch friends, a whole squad i love it all - also maybe former bullies? former friends? whatever u feel - idk like i said. i’m down for EVERYTHING just lemme know....anyways this is getting long so imma wrap this up and actually finish this blog