#impulse would’ve been here too (it’s close to joels) needs more time to think it out

[alienssstufff]

PET POST UNIFORMS - JOEL - GRIAN designs for s10!

[etho-bdubs-gem]

[theres-an-impulstor-among-us]

3rd life, Tango and Impulse are the last two standing?

this was the first 3rd Life request i received and oh boy have i wanted to work on it for so long. apologies for the older ones i havent touched yet; i’m getting to them! i’m just in more of a 3rd Life mood atm :)

...

  Etho drowned

  Impulse stares at the death message on his communicator with wide eyes. “Oh my gosh,” he whispers hoarsely. “He did it… Tango got him…”

  He checks the tab list. Etho is gone. Only two red names stare back at him: his own and Tango’s. The endgame he’s been avoiding for weeks is finally here. 

  Impulse continues trading with his villagers, though there doesn’t seem to be much point anymore. Tango is undoubtedly on his way here right now, and he’ll probably want to end things right here and now. There’s only two people left, both on red. One more death will end the game, no matter who dies. 

  He finds himself hoping that Tango will fall into a ravine or get exploded by a creeper before he even makes it here. But he knows it won’t happen. There’s only two ways this could end, and neither of them are very appealing to him. 

  All too soon, he hears the familiar voice of his best friend call his name. Wincing briefly, he turns and finds Tango standing in the entrance to his villager trading hall. “Hi, Tango.”

  “You saw in chat, right?” Tango’s red eyes are glowing bright, as is the red heart on his neck. “I got him. My trap worked!” 

  Impulse nods. “I saw. Heck of a way to kill your close friend.”

  “Yeah, well, he would’ve killed me with no hesitation, so I did what I had to do to survive.”

  “You’ve done a lot of things like that,” Impulse remarks carefully. “Remind me again who you’ve killed?”

  “Grian, Bdubs, Scott, Jimmy, Ren, and now Etho,” says Tango gleefully. “Etho’s my first red lifer, though. Gotta say, there’s a hell of a rush in taking someone’s last life and knowing they won’t be able to come back and confront you.”

  Impulse slowly shakes his head. “That’s a really… cold thing to say. Remember, we don’t know exactly what happens when we lose our last life. It’s likely we just appear back on our normal servers, but Grian said he didn’t even know that for certain.”

  “Yeah, yeah.” Tango rolls his eyes. “Whatcha up to?”

  “Getting some books to enchant my stuff so you’ll have a harder time killing me,” Impulse wants to say. Instead, he opts for the safe answer and says, “Just some trading. You… want some emeralds?”

  “Nah, I don’t need to trade right now.”

  The two fall silent for a moment.

  “So I guess we should address the elephant in the room,” says Impulse slowly. “We’re the only ones left. The last two standing.”

  “Uh huh.” Tango’s eyes are still worryingly sparkling red. “We are. And don’t think I’m stupid, Impy. I know about the traps you put around your base. Plus the ones in Renchanting and the desert.”

  “I didn’t put those there.”

  “Whatever. Point is: I know where all the traps are. So don’t think you’re gonna get the drop on me. And when it comes to PvP, I’m stronger.”

  “Are you trying to tell me to just lay down and accept my death?” Impulse demands.

  “Hell no. Don’t do that! That’d be the worst way to end this whole thing.” Tango pauses a moment. “Who’ve you killed, again?”

  “I… I killed Joel and Cleo.”

  “And?” prompts Tango pointedly. 

  Impulse winces. “And… you. I took your second life.”

  “Yes, yes you did. And I’m not gonna let you take another.”

  “I don’t want to do that, Tango. I may be a red lifer but I don’t want to hurt you again.”

  “Too bad,” Tango says coldly. “This is the moment I’ve been waiting months and months for. Two people left. I’ve done too much and fought too hard to delay my victory any longer. Come to the village with your best armour and your best sword, and if you’re not there in five minutes, I’ll hunt you down and kill you without mercy. Got it?”

  Impulse can hardly hold back a shiver at the viciousness in his best friend’s voice. “G-Got it.”

  “Good.”

  Impulse watches Tango leave, before letting out a deep breath. He can’t deny he’s terrified; this is the final confrontation. Either he or Tango won’t make it out alive. And he has a suspicion as to which one will lose their last life first. As blunt as Tango had been, he’s right. Tango knows where all the traps are, he’s better at PvP than Impulse, and he has the fortune to have known Impulse long enough to be able to reliably anticipate any tricks he could come up with. 

  Impulse hardly stands a chance.

  After assembling his best armour under the circumstances, Impulse takes his enchanted diamond sword and heads out into the village. He can already see Tango sitting atop one of the houses, legs dangling over the side. Tango’s armour is iron but enchanted, whereas Impulse’s is diamond and unenchanted. He doesn’t know which will be better in this scenario but he’s leaning towards the enchanted armour. 

  Tango spots him approaching and jumps down from the house, swinging his own enchanted diamond sword. “Sorry it has to be this way, Impulse. I hope you know that however this finishes, you’ll always be my best friend.”

  Somehow, I don’t think you’ll be very happy with me if I’m the one who somehow wins after all this, Impulse thinks. 

  Aloud, he says, “I’m sorry too.”

  A brief pause follows his words.

  Then Tango charges forward and the fight begins.

  Impulse blocks Tango’s first two blows, but the third glances off his armour. This completely throws him off and Tango lands a few more hits on his armour. 

  Losing his nerve, Impulse scrambles backwards and takes off running, hoping to give himself time to think of something.

  “Hey!” Tango yells. “What are you doing?! Get back here!”

  Impulse sprints as fast as he can towards Bdubs and Cleo’s abandoned castle. Without slowing, he jumps on the ruined planks of the drawbridge and makes it across to the other side. When he dares to look back, he notices Tango skidding to a halt on the other side of the moat. 

  Impulse involuntarily nods to himself. Tango hates parkour, even simple ones. 

  After taking a moment to compose himself, Impulse turns and spots Tango halfway across the bridge, jumping steadily from one plank to another. Panicking, Impulse jumps on the pressure plate in the centre of the room, before bolting for the stairs.

  Tango has just reached the entrance when he hears the telltale hissing noise and he curses. He doesn’t have enough time to follow Impulse to the stairs and he knows it, so all he can do is dive back across the drawbridge. 

  The TNT goes off a second later, sending Tango flying onto the bank. It’s been placed in such a strategic way that it only destroys the lower floor; the second floor, which Impulse has managed to reach, is entirely untouched. 

  He grabs a spare bow and some arrows, and fires a few out the slit window at Tango, who is struck in the leg by one and has to retreat to avoid getting hit by the others.

  Impulse takes a deep breath. This is a good position; he has the high ground, as it were. He has the advantage right now. 

  Unfortunately, that advantage becomes a lot less palpable when he realises his meagre arrow stock has run out. 

  Through the split window, he spots Tango running back across over the drawbridge, clearly realising that Impulse is out of ammunition. His leg is bleeding from where he’s pulled the arrow out but he doesn’t seem to care right now. 

  Impulse rushes for the second set of stairs and bursts out onto the top of the castle. Over the ramparts, he can see the long abandoned village he used to call home and he’s briefly gripped with a deep sense of sadness and nostalgia. 

  A few seconds later, he hears footsteps behind him and whirls round to find Tango charging towards him. With only a split second warning, Impulse ducks under his outstretched arm and rushes for the stairs again, but Tango sweeps his legs out from under him. Impulse lets out a cry of pain as he lands heavily on his wrist.

  “NO!” Tango yells, standing over him with his sword, forcing him to roll over and look him in the eye. “You’re not running away again! I’ve waited TOO long for this; now fight me!”

  Impulse responds by kicking Tango hard in his already injured leg, before rolling to his feet and taking advantage of Tango’s distracted state to shove him away. 

  Tango stumbles back, his mind fuzzy from the pain. His diamond sword dangles in his grasp. His chest heaves as he gasps for breath.

  “Tango…” Impulse straightens up, a sympathetic look on his face. “Please. We don’t have to resolve it this way. Let’s just live together in this world until one of us dies naturally. There’s no reason for us to murder each other just to win this stupid game.”

  “No,” growls Tango softly. “You’ve no idea what I’ve sacrificed to get here. If somehow we do go back to Hermitcraft after we die in this goddamn world, do you think anyone’s still gonna wanna be friends with me?”

  “Then why burn all your bridges like that?” Impulse demands. “3rd Life is temporary but we’ll be on Hermitcraft for decades to come. Why throw it all away?”

  “Y-You don’t understand. I have to win this. Th-There’s no other way to end this.”

  Impulse carefully steps towards his best friend. “Tango. Plea-.” 

  “I SAID NO!”

  Tango charges at Impulse, who intercepts him and throws him away from him.

  What he hasn’t noticed is how close he is to the edge of the parapet. 

  Tango manages to catch Impulse’s wrist, pulling him to the ground, but the shock of the landing releases Tango’s grip on him. 

  Impulse gasps as he realises that his friend has disappeared over the side of the parapet. He hardly dares look, but his communicator going off only confirms what he already knows to be true. 

Tango fell from a high place.

  Tango is gone. 

  Impulse has won. 

  He struggles to a sitting position, wincing at the pain in his arm. It’s over. It’s really over.

  After all this time, all these deaths, he’s the last one standing. The “winner”, if you could even call him that. He’s done so much to survive: things he’s ashamed of, things that will stay with him for the rest of his life. The things he’s witnessed will also haunt him; the deaths of everyone around him, including his best friends, as he’s unable to do anything about it.

  After what feels like hours, he discards his armour and steps up onto the parapet, the breeze ruffling his t-shirt and shorts. At the bottom, he can almost picture Tango’s body, broken on the hard ground below him. He doesn’t know if his death will take him back to Hermitcraft, back to Tango, but anything is better than staying here alone in this world, void of happiness and life. 

  “I’m coming home, Tango,” he murmurs. 

  With that, he lets himself fall.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #314

“as above, so below  /  what you reap is what you sow  /  what you give comes back threefold  /  as above, so below”

What do you do for work? I'm currently unemployed. I only get paid now and again to do pictures for people. What would you ideally like to do for work? I'd love if I could just be a photographer. What are you doing in order to achieve this? Practice and shoving my extreme discomfort about it aside and trying to promote myself where possible and not in an overbearing manner. What do you think is the worst being on the planet? "Rapists, pedophiles, abusive people in general." <<<< This. Anyone who disrespects the existence of other and equal people. Have you ever been arrested? If so, what for? No. How big an age gap is between you and your siblings? My immediate sisters and I are two years apart. My half-siblings, I don't know. I don't have their ages memorized, but I do know 5+ years, some even 10. Do/did your siblings cause trouble? Not really, we were good kids. What's your dream vehicle? I don't really have one. Are you good at taking care of your finances? What finances? And I don't mean that happily. What's your favorite comic strip? I don't have one. How many people have you texted today? Zero. Someone cheats. Second chance? Nope, byyyyeeeee. Thoughts on kids? Clay that I'm not playing with. Are you a risk taker? No. What are you listening to? I'm currently going through a phase of playing The Evil Within 2's theme nonstop, jc. Is/Was your high schools dress code strict? Not like, mega strict, but it still was overboard. No spaghetti strap shirts, and I even once got in trouble for wearing a floral mesh shirt, despite having a normal tanktop underneath it. It was weird, like no one had ever had a problem with it before, it was just this one teacher that I passed in the hall. Who was the last person to request you on a social media network - and did you accept? Someone I didn't know, so obviously not. Who was the last person’s vehicle that you rode in? Mom's. Who was the last person to make you laugh or smile, and why? Another current obsession of mine: John Wolfe, another let's player who I think is super funny. He said something that made me snicker before I turned on music and started this. Who was the last person that you took a photo with? My half-sister while she was visiting. Who was the last person to pay you a compliment, and what did they say? In group therapy the other day, one of the other women told me that even if I don't believe it, I bring so much positivity to group and she was really happy to be there while I am. I was so so super flustered but flattered, too. Who’s the last person that you visited in the hospital? My mom, following her surgery. Who is the last person that you lent money to? Actually today to Mom. What was the last food that you ate? I warmed up a burger for dinner. What did the last pair of footwear that you wore look like? They're just black flipflops. What was the last kind of bread that you ate? Just plain white bread. What was the last app that you downloaded to your phone? Oh wow, I never do this. I want to say it was a game for my niece. When was your last work shift? I haven't worked in a long time, so idk. When is the last time that you had trouble falling asleep? This is literally every single night. When was the last time you saw a significant other? I ain't got one'a those. When’s the last time that you took a risk? What was the risk? Well, I did say I'm not a risk-taker... Where was the last place that you went on vacation to? You know, how long does it have to be to be considered a "vacation?" I would say not since I went to the beach with an old friend, but it was literally a day. Where was the last place you got lost? uhhhhhhh Why did your last relationship fail? We need to work on ourselves before we could properly support each other and stay in a healthy mindset. Why did you leave your last job? I couldn't handle the stress of serving people and having so many responsibilities at once. How long has it been since you last visited a doctor? How about a dentist? I literally went to the doctor today because I had a follow-up appointment about my weight gain again. I haven't been to the dentist in a few months; I had a normal cleaning my last visit. How big was the last fish you caught? Oh boy, this is stretching years back. It was probably something small, idr at all. Give me the first initial of your last name? D. Something in your home that’s on its last leg(s)? We just moved here, so nothing that's a part of the house itself. As far as items we actually own, idk. Where do you purchase most of your clothes? I haven't gotten new clothes in so long, idk. I would probably say Hot Topic. Describe your skincare routine. I don't have one, if I'm being honest. I just shower. What’s your typical morning routine look like? I don't have one of those, either. The only thing that's consistent is going to the bathroom, eating, and taking my meds. Even brushing my teeth, the time of day when I do that (if I'm not leaving the house) varies. Then it's time to just binge stuff on YouTube and do whatever on the laptop... Are you still playing Animal Crossing? I've never played it, actually. How has the pandemic specifically affected you? It's caused a lot of stress worrying about my mom falling ill, given her being immunocompromised. It's also held me back from searching for another job (even though I don't know what I'd go for, anyway...), because I absolutely refuse to risk bringing Covid into this house by leaving it daily or whatever. What is your main source of anxiety? Being mentally ill, really. It just affects a lot. Any bands or artists you’ve recently discovered? Not very recently, no. What kind of games do you play on your phone? Just Pokemon GO nowadays. Do you have a specific aesthetic? It varies. I love dark, gothic, and gory stuff, but then I also love everything pink and pastel?????? Pastel gore is especially where it's at. Describe the moment you realized you were falling in love with someone. I'd rather not. What’s your favorite sparkling water brand/flavor? I've never even tried it before. What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? I don't wear nearly enough makeup to be even remotely familiar with any. What’s your all-time favorite movie? It'll probably always be The Lion King. Do you have any subscription boxes? No, but they're cool. What fictional creature would you like as a pet? On deviantART today I actually discovered a fantastic artist who does a lot of HTTYD fanart, and I would say as a dragon lover, Toothless would be soooo great. Have any local businesses closed that you’re sad about? I'm certain tons have closed, but none come to mind. How do you feel about TikTok? I don't feel anything about it. Did you/do you still have a Neopets account? Haha I've had like... two or three at different stages in my life. What were you doing at 9 o'clock this morning? That's actually when (virtual) group therapy starts. Are you wearing any jewelry? Yeah; my piercings (if you count them) and then two rings that I always have on. Are you good at hiding disappointment? No. I'm bad at hiding my emotions because they're so strong. What happened the last time you cried? lmaooo I was finishing watching a The Evil Within 2 LP yesterday, and like, the last hour or so of the game just rips me apart. I was hoping so bad that my mom didn't pass by and ask what the problem was. What would your parents be surprised to learn about you? Both would be stunned to know the situation I had with Joel/my former best friend's boyfriend when I was around 12. What fictional character do you have the biggest crush on? dARKIPLIER Where would you live if you could live anywhere in the world? When all things are considered, like laws, seeing family, etc., somewhere in Canada, or maybe Alaska. Actually, Alaska would be really cool. What after school activities did you do in high school? I didn't have any, if you mean like, school sports and clubs. I did do dance once or twice a week, but it wasn't tied to my school. What’s the last book you really loved? I positively adored The Handmaid's Tale. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted to be skilled at? My writing was seen as very exceptional for my age as a kid, but it still would've been awesome if it was even better. If earth could only have one condiment for the rest of time, what would you pick to keep around? Uhhh I guess ketchup. I use that the most of all options. What is the scariest experience you have ever had? The night of the breakup. It was such an impossible concept to me that I genuinely thought my life was over, that I'd pull the plug at any moment. Who is a non-politician you wish would run for office? Oh, hunny, Markiplier lmao. Call it a bias all ya want, but he's just a genuinely incredible person that cares so much for everyone and is so serious about equality and just being a good person. Do you think it’s important to stay up to date with the news? It's very hypocritical of me to say, but yes, regardless. Do you own plants? If so, what kind of plants? If not, would you like to grow any? I've never been into growing plants, honestly. Is there a city that you have a particular fondness for? If so, what city is it and why? No, not really. When was the last time that you acted impulsively? Is this a common behavior for you? I dunno, I've gotten better at this. I probably said something I shouldn't have. If you received an allowance as a kid, what kinds of things would you buy with it? Were you more the type to save up for something big, or spend it on little things? I didn't get one. When you cuddle with someone, how do you prefer to position yourself? Would you rather be held, or do the holding? Or both? Are we sitting or lying down? Either way I think I have a tendency to lay my head on their chest while hugging them, and my legs generally curl up. If I'm upset, I definitely feel better and just a greater sense of safety if I'm the one being held, but if the roles are swapped, then I like to be the one doing the holding because I know that's what I want when I'm upset, so treat others how you wanna be treated, y'know. When you woke up today, did you find unread messages from anyone? No. Have you recently told anyone that you miss them? Yes. Can you recall the last time you turned down an offer, of any kind? Mom asked if I wanted to come with her to Ashley's a few days ago, but I said no. I wasn't in a social mood at all. Is there anyone you interact with every day on social media? No. What was the main character's name in the last fictional book you read? Sunny. Have you ever been rejected by a church? No. Is your family nice to you? Yeah. Are you comfortable with your gender? Yeah. What was your favorite Mary-Kate and Ashley film? I don't remember; we had a couple, though. What was your favorite book you had to read for school? The Outsiders. What was your favorite Nickelodeon show? ngl, I don't remember a lot of them and don't feel like looking up a list. Do you still live in the house you grew up in? No. Which Spice Girl was your favorite? I don't remember their names. Do you think you look the best you've ever looked? Oh hell no. Have you been hurt by religion? Yes, honestly. In Truth or Dare, would you rather choose Truth or Dare? I always choose "truth." Have you ever had more than one crush at once? Yeah, I think that's perfectly normal to feel, even for someone monogamous like myself. Just when you establish a relationship, then it's time to make a choice. What social issue do you care about most? This is hard to say with how passionately I hold my opinions, but probably LGBTQ+ rights. It's just... so disgusting to me that I was once homophobic. It's like I want to make up for it. Just the idea of being repulsed by love just because someone has "the wrong thing" in their pants is just... appalling. When was the last time you read a Bible? Many, maaaany years ago I started reading it, but I didn't get very far at all. Do you own a Bible? I personally don't, but I know Mom has one, maybe multiple. Do you discover new music regularly? No; I very much stick to what I know. It's great when I do, though, given that that's how I find new songs to repeat to the grave. What does your first name mean? "Of Britain" or something like that. What country do you live in? U.S.A. Do you believe that gays are born that way? Uh, yes? Who honestly believes a homosexual would *choose* to be in the discriminated minority? People are murdered and abused for simply their sexuality; no sane person would "choose" to risk that torture.

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Favored Ones, Part 5. (Joel Miller x Fem!reader)

Description: When you spend every evening with someone who’s deeply under your skin, a certain relationship can be developed. So it’s crushing for Joel when Y/N suddenly disappears. But there’s way more to the relationship that one would’ve guessed.

A/N: Inspired by Ecstasy by Crooked Still (Bitches who saw TLoU Part II. E3 trailer know what’s uppp).

Warning: ANGST bcs knife dad Joel Miller is full of anger and he needs a fucking break. I swear.

Tagging: @jodiereedus22 @nemodoren @xxgoldenhour @missdictatorme

Word count: 2.9 K

If you like this story, please, more parts can be found here! :): H E R E

One day prior events of the hunt, 2038:

And so your plan was born. The great plan, as Ellie called it. Ellie was about to tell Dina and she was extremely nervous. 

You were pretty calm thanks to your impulsive behavior - you finally calmed down during those last two weeks and prepared for confronting the old man with the intel Ellie gave you.

Joel already knew that your hunting lessons are far gone by that moment. He was a bit sad about that - though he hated to say it, he missed those evenings. He was missing those moments when you two walked in the woods and talked, sometimes you shut up in one second and the other one you both were in a hunting mood, trying to show the other one who's wearing pants and who's capable of hunting down more animals.

He usually won. But when thought about it... He liked your competitions. Joel tried to tell himself that there's no place for having any melancholy at those times. But he saw you a few times here and there in the city while you were walking around with that fisherman's son.

So was he right in the end? You truly were into that boy. And as far as Joel could tell, he was in love with so much it almost hurt his eyes. That kiddo was obsessed with your every move.

But it made him think - you had enough time to be with that kiddo, but you didn't have enough time to improve your hunting skills, which made him furrow. Joel decided that he needs to investigate that situation. And what could have been better than talking to Ellie? So he joined her on her walk through the small town.

"Well, nice to see you after a long time, old man. Will you come to today's meeting about that city exploration we're planning next week?" - Ellie smiled at him and took some sweet potatoes you, she and Dina planned to grill on hot coal. The next thing she needed was some onion and chicken meat. You definitely were the best cook.

"I think I need to. I haven't been to one since October. I had too much work with those kiddos. You and your friends are scheduled?" - Joel tried to ask innocently. He was walking alongside Ellie throughout the whole market.

"Yeah. But Dina and Y/N probably won't make it to the meeting at all. Jesse will be there as always. Why? Do you need something specific?" - Ellie stopped and her smooth lips parted. She was thinking about Joel's motivation behind his questioning. It was almost six months ago since she and Joel had a proper conversation just like that.

"They won't?" - Joel rose his eyebrows and mist slowly came out of his lips. - "How so? Dina doesn't have time and Y/N is ill, or what?"

"No. They're going on the dance night. Dina is after a breakup and Y/N is going there with Philip." - Ellie turned back to the seller and pointed her finger on the best looking chicken breasts. - "But why would you care, big guy? These girls aren't your responsibility."

"Yeah. But I kinda noticed that Y/N is really good at letting her responsibilities be just as they are in the last two weeks." - Joel took the chicken meat and gave it to Ellie so the marketer would not interrupt their conversation.

"Is she? I haven’t noticed at all." - Ellie was playing on really thin ice, but she was smiling and she knew it really well, because she finally figured out what Joel is after. You and your time management. That would not be anything bad - if he cared about the others as well. She looked at him with her eyes partially closed, but didn't say anything.

"I did. She isn't coming on our training, didn't talk to me for the last two weeks, she doesn't go to the forest anymore and she isn't on most of the meetings." - Joel put his forearms crossed in front of his chest, furrowing at Ellie. - "Is it the kiddo from the lake? She's rather irresponsible these days. If she doesn't stop, it will have bad consequences."

"Philip?" - Ellie stopped again and looked Joel in the eyes. - "Also, why you're so concerned about her? She told me that she doesn't need your training anymore, she's capable of hunting on her own. Something happened between you two?" - Ellie furrowed her brows at Joel. So maybe he could be interested in some way - no, Ellie corrected herself. He was interested. He never thought about anyone's time schedule when they stopped training with Joel. Joel just didn't care enough to ask.

It maybe wasn't exactly the flame of endless affection, but he was thinking about you. That was a good sign.

"Does something need to happen for me to be curious?" - Joel looked far away from Ellie because he started to feel uncomfortable. Joel wasn't aware that Ellie knew about your crush on him; nor did he knew that you had told her. Yet he was feeling uncomfortable. - "I'm just worried about her future. That's all."

"Riiiight. About her future. Ok. But she's not in any bad hands. Don't be worried." - Ellie patted his shoulder. So that was probably all that he will get out of Ellie. - "But on another note, will you come tonight on the dance? I would like to have a round or two with you. Just like old times, huh?"

"You know that those things aren't exactly mine area, do you?" - Joel chuckled in his low, singing voice. He scratched his forehead nervously.

"You can ask Y/N yourself, don't you think? I can't speak for her." - Ellie raised her eyebrows in his direction. Joel looked at her as if she was about to go fucking crazy. - "About the hunting sessions, I mean."

When the big dance came by, you went with there with Philip by your side. Dina came along as well, not even thinking about going on the meeting to stand Jesse's ass one more minute. They had broken up again, so everything was going a-ok for that shy lesbian.

Ellie went to the meeting with Joel and Jesse - and she promised you that she'll try to talk Joel down. Nothing was for sure.

But you knew one thing - you and Dina started your evening with glasses of whiskey down and its bottoms up. You poured down at least three of them, so you would be able to let Philip's hands roam around your body. It did nothing to you, yet you needed to let him be during the dance. You were suffering every time he tried to touch you.

Slowly, the band members, with whom you've been drinking until that moment, sat behind their instruments and started playing as the hall started to get fuller - with people of all ages, like children, youngsters, and adults.

You gently dodged all of Philip's tries to make you dance with him. You sighed with relief when Ellie slowly entered the room with he faced red from nerves and winter outside. Oh, yeah - it was her big evening. Telling Dina. You were excited.

You waved at her as you danced with a small boy named Louis. She waved back at you and took a glass of bourbon as well. She was excited about that. Then you left Louis there to catch up with the young ladies in the hood to go for Ellie.

"Hi, baby." - She hugged you tightly and gave you a second glass of alcohol. - "I hope that I'll survive this night. God may help me. What about Philip?" - She asked and gulped a bit.

"We're playing dodge all the time. I just don't like that boy, I'm sorry. I'm waiting for the big game to come around." - You giggled into the glass. Oh fuck, you were tipsy as hell.

"There he is." - Ellie pointed her finger at the other side of the hall. Seriously Joel stood there nervously, with hands over his chest, looking around him. - "Here, take this to him and see how it goes." - She gave you her glass of alcohol and smacked your ass playfully. You screamed a bit with a happy tone. Ellie showed you crossed fingers and one corner of her lips slowly crept into a smile. 

So you approached Joel with your tipsy walk and lazy smile, rising your eyebrows. You gave him one glass and then smoothed your hair. The shirt you had on made your boobs irresistible. Every man must've looked at them at least once. Those old jeans were making your bum rounder... No wonder that Philip was into you so much.

"Look who we got here." - You gulped down the while glass and giggled, putting the glass on the table next to his hip. - "Really nice to see you here big guy, enjoying the life, having fun in the evening."

"Ellie wished me to come. Here she's with Dina." - He pointed at them and you just turned around to see them kissing. Good girl. Now, it was your time to hit the big jackpot. - "Oh wow."

"Do you want to dance as well?" - You blurted out so Joel didn't have to ask you absolutely anything. He just couldn't as he froze down. - "I mean... Ellie told me you wanted to ask me about something. A slow song is playing now, we have the time. What do you say?" - You asked innocently and played with the thought of taking his fingers into your palm, but you didn't do it.

"Youngblood..." - Joel sighed and drank the glass to the bottom.

"Just one dance. Come on. Won't hurt you, old man." - Joel looked at the people around you and then sighed again. He wasn't happy at all with you. But how could he resist?

You took a very similar hold on him as Dina did with Ellie; your hands circled behind his neck, your body so close to him that he felt how warm your body was. He put his hands on the small of your back and tried to look as annoyed as he could.

The trust was that Joel hadn't danced in the whole eternity. He was enjoying himself a lot at the moment, to be honest. Slow moves, gentle and romantic music, relaxed atmosphere, beautiful girl... No. He stopped himself with the melancholy. No space for that bullshit.

"So you stopped our sessions, you stopped the meetings, anything that I've missed? Or that's all?" - He asked quietly, his thumbs playing with a small part of your shirt.

"Oh, you missed my relationship with the nicest boy around." - You said sweetly and watched his jaw covered in a beard. Oh, how you missed that view. But now, you were too sensitive on the rhythm of his breath and on how warm he was even through the clothes. His chuckle resonated deep within you.

"Hard to be missed, youngblood. It's nice to see you happy." - He made you turn slowly before one of his hands caught yours and the second ended on your hip.

"I can be even happier. You know that?" - Your fingers gripped his shoulder tightly and for a moment, you pressed his body into his. And with that, he left you alone. He just stepped aside and you felt as your heart sank again. No. You slowly rose your head. Not this fucking time. This time, you were ready.

"And I don't do these things. You know that?" - Joel turned around with angry mumbling. - "So that's why Ellie made come here... Jesus Christ." - And with that, every of his one hundred and eighty centimeters disappeared into the white darkness outside.

"What the fuck is your fucking problem?!" - You ran after him, looking at him while the snow started to cover your hair and face. Your cheeks instantly reddened as you looked at him. He turned to you with the same affection as you yelled at him. Oh, this argument was about to be one of the best of your lives.

"What the fuck is my problem?" - Joel came closer to you, almost pushing you further away with his hands, but he stopped himself at the right moment. - “The question is what is your problem?” 

“My problem is named Tess and your grief over her.” - You told slowly and then you stood up straightly. Joel just closed his eyes and turned away from you. Yeah, Ellie spoke to you about a woman who she knew for a very short amount of time. As she spoke about Tess five years apart, she figured out that there maybe was something more. So that was the spot you should attack if Joel gives you a chance. Just as she attacked Sarah’s little spot in Joel’s heart. 

“Stop living in the past, Joel.” - You said loudly again, while Joel looked like he’s about to murder you. Nobody else knew about what happened to Tess, except Tommy, nor anybody knew that she did even exist. 

Joel attacked every time someone attacked his own past. Then it was his time to be offensive. 

“Like somebody who is still a kid, who basically never went outside the city’s boundaries and who has everything they need around them could ever tell me what living in the past is.” - He walked to you, his nostrils were getting bigger as he started to breathe louder. - “So I warn you to let all of this be and walk back, take that kiddo for a round or two and forget that we ever had this conversation.” 

“Or what if you fucking tell me, that you want to have... Something with me? How does that sound?” - You came closer to him, still not touching him. 

The snowy and cold air was slowly getting sultry. You needed to open up his eyes - Ellie told you everything she noticed while Joel caught up with her on the market. You spoke with her about that and Ellie told you that there might be something more into it, but that Joel is a much more complicated person to say for sure to say it. That he likes you.

“Just face it, Jesus fucking Christ, it is not that hard. You were curious about me stoping to come to our training, you asked about me and Philip even if you didn't have to care at all and you tried to get some intel from Ellie.” - You rolled your eyes and chills formed on your body. You two stood in a total snowy and ice-cold night. Fucking weather. - “And if you told me that you only care about my future, then you can shove this bullshit up your ass because I don't fucking care. Because you and me? We have something. We have a connection.”

So you brought up Tess, which hurt him - but Ellie was your source of information. He couldn't be angry with his baby girl because she told you after the two of them spoke at the market. She had to. She was trying to help the situation. 

He wasn't sure, but something gave Joel the feeling that Ellie knows him way better he knows himself. 

For a moment, Joel closed his eyes before looking at you once again without any of his normally forbidden feelings. You were a young, truly gorgeous woman. You were bright and capable of noticing small details even if you cursed like a sailor.

He wasn't doing any type of romantic relationship since the moment Tess has died. He wasn't exactly in love with her, but she was his girl for a long night. But you were absolutely right - there was no need for living in the past. And Joel was scared of it when the past was creeping up upon him almost every time he went to sleep.

And yet, there you stood, offering him a helping hand to let all of it go. You were offering him to bring him back to reality. And as you said, maybe the elders, like your very own parents, won't be too happy about that. Maybe young people will look at you differently. But you had courage which Joel was mesmerized with. You wanted to try.

To try leaving the past, both yours and his, behind you to focus on the future. And that was one of the bravest things he saw until that day.

In his own way, he missed your sense of humor, your cursing and your gentle fingers holding your bow just as he misses the way you smelled and smiled at him.

He wanted to try as well.

"You're right." - Joel said slowly and almost coldly, which made your heart sank with fear once again. - "I think that maybe we have something together."

"So is that a yes?" - You whispered and shook with coldness once again. Jesus, you needed to get on a warm place or a glass of whiskey. Maybe both.

"I think that it is a yes."

[olliexjames]

Prison Break | Amber & Ollie

when: june 28th, 2020

where: bridgeport correctional center (level 4 high security prison); bridgeport, connecticut 

trigger warnings: prison, mentions of murder, mentions of neglect, lots of sad feels

nb: from a discussion that they had months ago, amber-jade finally decides that she’s (somewhat) ready to confront her father after all these years. considering that ollie knows the most about her past, and that story, she asks him to come along. the two fly from california to connecticut to visit her father in a high security correctional facility, and amber sees her father for the first time in years, and ollie meets the one man he could very confidently say he really hates

(ooc): this is an ongoing chatzy, and will be updated as we go along.

@amberjade-rhodes

Amber had spent a lot of time thinking about what Ollie had said about confronting her dad, which lead to her impulsively booking tickets to Connecticut just a couple of weeks after Fathers Day. Her anxiety levels rose the entire time that she and Ollie were in transit and by the time they arrived at the prison complex, her hands were physically shaking. “How... how mad are you going to be if I chicken out now and can’t go in?” Amber asked nervously, her voice breaking slightly as her eyes darted between Ollie and the gates of the prison.

Ollie didn't hesitate to say yes when Amber asked for him to go with her when visiting her father in prison. He knew what this meant, and he knew just how big of a deal this way for Amber; and there was no way in hell he was going to let her go through this alone. The two had landed and made their way straight to the prison. He rented a car for the two to use while in the state, thinking that it would be better than for spending loads of money on Uber's. The two had made their way out of the car, and basically right in front of the gates before he was stopped by the other. "AJ, hey, look at me." he requested in a soft voice, placing his hands on either side of her face, keeping her head in place and forcing her to look up at him. "Breathe." he requested once more, giving her a friendly smile. "If there's anyone who can do this right now, it's you. Remember why you're here -- for some closure. To say what you need to say to him and get the hell out of there, no more no less." he reminded, continuing to look at her as he spoke. "I'll be right by your side the entire time, I'll even go in with you when they let you in to see him, if you want me to. You don't have to do this alone, like he's probably assuming that you are...but if you're really, genuinely, not ready for this say the word and we'll get back in the car and go back to the airport."

Amber didn't hesitate for a second before looking at her oldest friend, focusing all of her attention on him as opposed to the looming infrastructure that was right there. It was crazy to think that this was where her father had been housed for all these years; and that she had a visit booked to see him this morning. "Breathe... right, yes, I can do that", Amber confirmed, focusing on her breathing as directed. "Closure", she repeated quietly. "I... I'm here for closure, because I want to know why he did what he did. I want him to know how he damn near ruined my life, that the only good thing that came from his actions was you. I want him to know that I'll never completely recover from what he did", she said, listing off the reasons why she had finally decided to come to Connecticut, like that would help her get through the rest of this. "We've come this far, we can't go back to MU without walking through those gates. Do you promise that you won't leave my side, not even to go to the bathroom? I don't want to be alone with him, I can't be alone with him. I... I added your name to the booking before we even got here, which was awfully rude and presumptuous on my part so I'm sorry for that", she rambled nervously.

Ollie nodded as she spoke, still looking at her and giving her a faint smile. "Closure." he simply repeated back. Ollie had already been prepared, both physically and mentally, to be be whatever Amber needed him to be in that moment. "I promise I'm not going to leave you alone, not again. I told you that you didn't have to go through this alone, and I meant that. Don't apologize, I can't wait to meet daddy dearest." he rolled his eyes at the thought, kissing the top of her head before pulling her into a warm hug. "If there's anyone who can do this right now, it's you. We've been through hell and back, and you went through even more hell after I left. You can get through this, and you will get through this." he pointed out, pulling away and yet keeping his hands on her shoulders, squeezing them gently. "I'm ready whenever you are."

Amber was aware that she might not get the closure that she wanted through this trip; that her father could easily slash that hope if he really wanted too. Still, she knew that she would survive the trip; especially considering she had Ollie by her side. He was the person who knew the most about her family and the person that she most trusted in this world, meaning that it made perfect sense to have asked him to come with her. "No punching daddy dearest, I didn't bring you here so that you could end up behind closed bars with him. I need you too much for you to get locked up too". Her comment was said in a light tone, almost as if she was joking, but she did feel like the overprotective side of Ollie could use a reminder. "Thank you, Oliver. I really don't think that I could have done this without you. I've always been braver when you're around", she murmured, unbuckling her seatbelt and slowly getting out of the car. "Let's go in before I change my mind".

Ollie couldn't have been more proud of Amber-Jade than he was in this very moment. He didn't say it much, but he honestly looked up to her a lot. She never gave herself enough credit, but even Ollie could tell just how resilient and strong she was. She was someone who went through a lot in her life, and Ollie would be lying if he said he wasn't damn proud to see her overcome everything that got in her way. They were two of the more successful stories in this case, as a lot of people who grew up in the system at that age were either in and out of jail, or dead. "At least you know it's pretty much a guarantee that his life in there would be a living hell if I'm in there with him." he stated only half-jokingly. He had already told himself to be on his best behavior, so she didn't have anything to worry about; although he did wish that they weren't in a facility full of correctional officers, or in a facility such as a prison in general. Hearing her next words, Ollie smiled and gave her a nod - his way of nonverbally telling her that the feeling was mutual. Finally turning off the car, he made his way out and walked up behind her. He placed his hands on her shoulders and shook her playfully as the two walked. "Remember who the fuck you are when you get in there." he stated, massaging her shoulders as he continued to walk directly behind her. "You're fucking Amber-Jade Rhodes. Future social worker, killer softball player and boxer. You've been through the unimaginable and have made it out alive and stronger each and every time. We've been broken down, mistreated, neglected, and abused and we still made it out on the other side. You made it out on the other side. You're not some kid in the system anymore, you are highly educated, hardworking, and a fighter - and that's more than he'll ever be. You aren't that kid in the system, you aren't the group home, you aren't the drugs, and you aren't him. Remember that this doesn't define you - that he doesn't define and determine who you are, or who you will be in this life." He whispered a small pep talk as he continued to walk behind her, kind of as if he had been guiding her through the gates and into the building, while also preventing her from trying to make a break for it.

As much as she loved Ollie, as much as she considered him her best friend, there were some things that she couldn't tell him; things that would utterly break him and never allow him to move past the overwhelming guilt that he felt when it came to her. She would never be able to tell him the truth of just how bad things got in NYC after he left; and she had never told him the full extent of Joel's actions during her childhood, knowing that her best friend wouldn't hesitate to kill her father if he was ever released from prison. "I don't want that guarantee, I want you in California with me; not in some stupid prison in Connecticut", Amber said firmly. She focused on her breathing and the feeling of Ollie's hands on her shoulders as the two of them walked into the prison, trying to keep herself as calm as possible as she prepared to see her father for the first time in years. "Don't make me cry before we even get in there, Oliver James! My mascara cannot be running down my cheeks when I see Joel, I will not allow him to think that he made me cry before I even saw him. Thank you, though, for all the kind words. You make me feel braver and stronger than anyone else in my life and I love you for it. Thank you for always seeing me as some sort of superhero rather than a fucked up woman whose just putting one step in front of the other and hoping desperately that I won't fuck everything up", she said sincerely as the two of them walked into the prison. She showed her ID to the prison officer before starting to fill in the paperwork that he pointed her too.

"Relax, I'm only joking. Prison would've been the easier option a couple of years ago, but I actually kind of like my life now." Ollie said honestly. It's sad that there was once a time where he wouldn't have mind getting locked up for a few years since being in jail seemed like an easier option than going through some of the stuff he went through. He laughed as she yelled at him for making her emotional, kissing the top of her head as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into a hug from behind. "Hey, no softness right now. We weren't soft until we got to MU, and I blame Lola for that." He joked lightly, releasing a soft laugh before continuing. "You're a badass and you're going to march right in there and show him who the fuck you are, and the amazing person you've become. You need to go in bitch mode right now, I'm merely just like the backup generator in case you crap out. But you got this, AJ." He attempted to continue hyping her up, his statement being a weird way of him telling her he also loved her. He showed his ID to the correctional officer and filled out some forms before he got one of those visitor sticker passed to place on his shirt. There was a loud buzzing as the door became unlocked, meaning that the officer was officially letting them in to lead them to the visiting area. Ollie's green eyes darting between the unlocked steel door and his friend, looking down and giving her a small smile. "Ready?"

Despite the current circumstances, Amber found herself smiling softly at Ollie when he admitted that he liked his life now. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear that, you deserve some happiness after all the crap that life has thrown at you", Amber told him, genuinely meaning it. She truly wanted the best for Ollie, especially after everything that he had done for her over the duration of their friendship. "Lola basically saved my life, I can forgive her for making me a corny, sentimental mess", she jokingly retorted, focusing on calming her breathing as she listened to Ollie's pep-talk. "And if he doesn't give me what I need, what I came here for, I'm going to be okay. It's not going to break me". She was saying those words to convince herself just as much as she was trying to convince Ollie. It didn't take long for them to get through the sign in process and before long, she and Ollie were sitting at one of the tables in the visitors section. As her father was apparently a model prisoner, he didn't have to use one of the non-contact visit rooms; something that actually kind of saddened and panicked her as it meant that there were no barriers between them. "Ready as I'll ever be", she confirmed, discreetly taking Ollie's hand under the table; her body stiffening as she saw the doors open and her father walking towards her. He looked a little older and had put on some weight since she had last seen him; and his eyes actually looked softer and more gentle than she remembered, probably because he wasn't impaired by illicit substances and screaming at her or her mother. Despite the differences, it was definitely him. "That's Joel", she whispered quietly to Ollie although it wasn't really necessary as the older man was making a beeline for their table. Unlike the other visitors, Amber-Jade didn't get to her feet to hug him in greeting; and didn't speak until he had sat down opposite her. AJ, it's so good to see you. I'm so glad that you finally came to visit, I was worried that I would never see you again; especially when you never returned any of my letters. For a second, she lost the ability to speak; just staring at the man who had taken so much from her.

"And so do you, AJ. We both deserve to have some happiness for once in our life." Ollie stated in a genuine tone. The two had been through so much in their life, more than what a typical person would be able to handle in an entire lifetime; and yet, they were still standing. But still, it was a lot - and even they deserved some happiness in their life after getting hit after hit, blow after blow. "Yes, and I love how corny and sentimental she is, it's what made me fall in love with her...but no softness right now. Hard exteriors only, we can cry and be soft once we get back to the airport." He said only jokingly, smiling although she couldn't see it in that moment. Even he noticed that her breathing was a bit more controlled than it had been just moments before, showing that maybe he was doing something right. "It's not going to break you, because you know that at least you came and tried to get some closure. You won't be living in the 'what if' after this, you won't wonder what could've happened if you just came, because you will sure as hell know in about an hour. He broke you once, Amber, don't let him do it again. He doesn't the right to break you anymore." He said in a quiet voice. Ollie didn't know how to feel in that moment, especially when the CO walked them to an open visiting area. He really was about to become face to face with the man that ruined Amber's child hood; he really was going to be just a few feet away from the man he's never even seen a picture of, let alone met, and yet the man that Ollie's felt the most rage towards. Ollie had planned to just be a fly on the wall, to just be there and not say a word, to just be there for moral support. The fact that they were in an open area kind of changed that, though; now, he felt his walls building, those protective walls that he had whenever becoming face to face with potential danger and/or hostility...but for her. Ollie shyly smiled to himself as Amber discreetly took his hand under the table; he squeezed and held onto her hand, his thumb gently grazing over the soft skin as a means of providing the other some comfort. Noticing how stiff the others body had become, Ollie immediately looked up, his brows furrowing in concern. His green eyes darted back and forth between the taller male and the redhead, and he just knew that he was her father. Ollie took a closer look at him, and he could see the resemblance; Amber did take on a few of his features. Her stating that it was Joel was just the nail in the coffin, further confirming that the male was exactly who Ollie thought he was. His eyes grew dark as the older male took a seat across from them, the muscles in his face further tensing when Joel began talking to her. He waited for a moment. Fly on the wall, you are a fly on the wall. This isn't about you, this is about her - he continued to repeat to himself, kind of a like a mantra. He turned his head to look at the redhead, just to notice that she had gone completely blank. Letting out a soft sigh, he turned his head back towards the other male. "I'm Oliver. I've known your daughter for, what...eight years now?" He stated in a neutral tone, knowing that him going off would just further trigger his friend. "We met in the group home when she was first placed into state care and looked have looked after each other ever since. She's quite something special, no thanks to you."

"I'm so glad that you've started to find your happiness", Amber-Jade told him. She knew that Ollie still had issues that he was working through but seeing him at MU was such a relief for her as she finally knew where he had ended up; and that he was not only okay but actually happy. "Considering everything she's been through, her softness is pretty fucking amazing. I've got it, though; no crying until we've left the prison". She very rarely cried but she had a feeling that she wouldn't be completely in control of her emotions today; after all, this was a very heightened and confronting experience for her. "He doesn't have the right to break me", she repeated, whispering the words to herself over and over like a mantra as she braced herself for what she was about to experience. It was certainly embarrassing that her first response to seeing her father was to freeze entirely but she found herself squeezing Ollie's hand tightly as he jumped in; covering for her so that it wasn't obvious to Joel that he was having such a huge effect on her right now. When Ollie finished speaking, she finally found her voice. "I don't know how you keep finding my address and why you insist on continuing to write to me even though I've never replied. I'm not sure if it's some sick game that you're playing but it certainly seems that way, especially when none of your letters are actually an apology or an explanation; rather a way of painting yourself as the victim. I'm here to give you a chance to explain everything, the actual truth of it all, rather than just pleading accounts that beg for me to defend you in front of the parole board. After that, I will decide what I'm going to do with that information but from this point forwards, everything is going to be on my terms. You don't get to call the shots anymore, this is my life and I refuse to allow you to try and control it from afar".

"I was really able to find it once you came back into my life. You have no idea how crappy these last couple of years have been without you." Ollie said with a soft smile. It was true, he mainly found himself really being happy once he had bumped into Amber back in February. Her returning back into his life meant that he had everything, that everything was finally okay. He had a girlfriend he loved with everything in him, he had friends who actually cared for him, and now he had his best friend - someone he practically grew up with, and someone who knew him almost better than anyone. Ollie didn't want her father to feel as though he had a hold of her life anymore, even if he did. He could feel his protective side come out, but even then, he knew that this would be very emotional for her. That's why he was mentally prepared to deal with whatever emotions that came after this reunion. He couldn't fight the smirk that his lips turned into when she finally was able to find her own voice. He gave her hand a small squeeze before looking over at her and giving her a soft, comforting smile - nonverbally letting her know that she was doing great so far. Once she was done speaking, Ollie looked back over towards the older male that sat across the table from them, his eyes immediately turning cold and distant. "You've been wanting her to talk to you for years now...well, she's here. So I would start talking before her patience runs out, and trust me, we will not be making another trip back here." Ollie stated in a calm, yet cool tone. He didn't want the other to get the impression that he can just waste their time, waste her time. She needed answers, and this wasn't the time for her father to play any games with her mind and heart - he wasn't going to allow that by any means.

"I have some idea. After all, I've been without you for just as long". She knew that there would come a day where they had to sit down and actually talk about everything that had happened since that awful day in which Ollie was moved to Connecticut but she also knew that now wasn't the right time. Like Ollie, her life had drastically improved on that fateful day when they had run into each other on campus and now that he was back in her life again, she had no intention of ever losing him again. Her legs were trembling under the table on account of the significant amount of nerves currently coursing through her body and she genuinely felt like she might have thrown up or run away if it wasn't for Ollie sitting beside her, grounding her. Her father nodded his head at Ollie's cold words and immediately launched into his version of events.

He apologized for the pleading letters that he had been sending, telling AJ that he had recently discussed them with his therapist and realized that the letters were another form of emotional abuse; another way of trying to control AJ and control the narrative of their lives, even when she had made it clear that she didn't want anything to do with him. He talked about his own childhood, about his cold and domineering parents who had never really wanted children. His mother, who turned a blind eye to the fact that her husband spent more nights in Joel's bed than her own; and his father, who took everything from Joel when he was still too young to understand what was happening. He talked about meeting Audrey and how he thought he had loved her; how he had promised that he would be a better man than his own parents and would take care of Audrey and Amber-Jade. He talked about AJ's birth, about his heartbreak when he went away for a few nights and had come home to realize that his father had stayed with Audrey and AJ in his absence; and his guilt over what this may have meant. He talked about his descent into substance abuse to try and dilute some of those feelings, his rage and anger over everything in his life, especially when he was coming down from methamphetamines; and how Audrey had borne the brunt of this. He spoke about his affairs, his abusive behavior towards Audrey, his manipulation of her so that she started using too, his neglect of AJ. He disclosed the straw that broke the camel's back, of finding out that Audrey had been having an affair and was considering leaving him; and how this triggered the events of that fatal night, the night that ruined AJ's life forever. By the time he had finished talking, her eyes were burning and tears were rolling steadily down her cheeks. Her father's story had raised far more questions that it answered; questions about just what had happened to her in her early childhood; and she was utterly speechless.

Ollie simply just chuckled at her statement, giving a small nod. Those years between the time he left the group home to when the two reunited at Monarch truly had been some of the worst of his life; the exception being his girlfriend. He hadn't been ready to speak much about it in that moment, but while every one thought he was getting a second chance he may or may not have deserved, those years really just felt lonely, and were full of feelings of depression and anxiety - leaving him in a dark place that even now he tried to run away from. This wasn't the time to speak about that, though, but maybe one day - maybe.

He could practically feel the girls leg continue to bounce up and down, so much so if he didn't know any better he would think she was about to fall out of her seat and make a run for it. Because of that, he found himself placing his hand back on top of hers under the table, gently squeezing it, nonverbally telling her that she didn't have to be afraid; that he was here and wouldn't ever allow anything bad come to her. Ollie's green eyes continued to darken, mixed with emotions of anger, despair, confusion, and oddly enough - some sadness for the man. As someone who could relate to childhood sexual abuse, Ollie really did feel for him, but those feelings were immediately taken back by anger once again. There really was no excuse for what he did to Amber's mom, what he did to Amber. He found himself speechless by the time the other man was done, not that he had any place to have an opinion to begin with; but he could feel his friend's emotions, and knew she had been crying despite the fact he hadn't even been looking at her. His eyes went from staring at the table to look back up at the man he truly couldn't stand, getting a better view of him before attempting to speak. He grew speechless once again, having nothing to say to the man, but instead looking towards Amber and leaning in slightly. "Are you okay?" he said in a whispered tone, but still loud enough for her father to hear.

Amber-Jade's head was a complete mess right now. For the first time in her life, she actually felt a shred of pity for her father. She found herself questioning why her mom had bothered to tell Joel about the affair and hadn't simply packed their bags and left; only to feel angry and disappointed in herself for that line of thought. More than anything, though, she was questioning what had happened to her. How many times had her grandfather stayed at their home without Joel being aware of it? Was there a possibility that she had been hurt in the same way as her father? She knew that the child protection system was completely fucked and that her life in the group home wasn't a massive improvement over residing with her family, yet how could a system that was supposed to care for children leave her in such a fucked up place for so long? The more that she listened to Joel talk, the more that she realized one fundamental truth -- whilst Ollie had come into the system after a freak accident, she had been destined for it. She hadn't done anything to deserve this, rather had the misfortune of being born into a life characterized by substance abuse, infidelities, neglect, domestic abuse and now possibly sexual abuse too. "I... I think I need to leave", the redhead said quietly. She had intended on confronting her father, of telling him how much he had destroyed her life, but the anger had drained from her body; instead replaced by complete and utter exhaustion that she felt down to her bones. Raising her voice slightly so that Joel knew that she was talking to him, she opened her mouth and said one final thing to him. "I came to tell you that I hated you for everything that you had done to me, that you had done to mom. I was just a child and you were supposed to take care of me, you were both supposed to take care of me. Instead, you just fucked me up in ways that you can't even imagine... the things that I had to do in order to survive because of your actions aren't things that I can take back and they messed me up even further. Y-you couldn't even let me have that moment, though. You had to murky the water with your story, you had to make me question the only things about my life that I thought I knew. I don't know why I expected anything different from a manipulative, destructive man like yourself".

Ollie could his heart pounding against his chest and his blood boil. He was heartbroken for his dear friend, for knowing that something more could’ve possibly had happened to her and it was very possible she could always live in the “what if”. But more than anything he was angry; he was angry that someone would ever allow all of these things to happen to their kid; angry that nobody protected her; angry that the state and the foster care system had failed her before she even entered the system. Hearing her say that she thought it was best to go, Ollie allowed her to say whatever she needed to say before taking action. Placing his arms onto the table, he leaned in slightly. “You’re done reaching out her. No more letters of begging and pleading for her to come see you and forgive you, because your sorry ass doesn’t deserve any sort of sympathy, let alone forgiveness.” He began his voice low and cold. He paused for a moment, taking in the older man’s face by getting a real good look at it, a face that he would personally never forget. “Take one more good look at her because this is it. Go back to your cell and rot like the piece of shit you are, and pray to god that you don’t ever get out on parole.” He added, his voice continuing to be cold and distant, the only emotion being shown in that moment being pure anger. Leaning back, he look towards the redhead, offering her his hand to take for support. “Ready to go?”

Amber-Jade got to her feet whilst Ollie made it clear to her father that he wasn't to reach out to her any longer; and the letters must stop immediately. It was an old defense mechanism that she had relied on heavily over the years and one that she knew wasn't exactly healthy, yet she could still feel herself shutting down as a result of the conversation with her father. It was like the walls around her heart were being rebuilt brick by brick; and she was forcing herself to feel numb, to shut down her emotions so that this didn't break her. "Ready", Amber-Jade said quietly, taking his hand as the two of them left the prison. It didn't take them long to hand their visitor passes back in and sign out of the prison, although the entire process was a blur to the redhead on account of her current emotional state. She didn't say another word until the two of them were back in the car that Ollie hired. "Can we please go back to the motel? I need a hot shower and I need to sleep", she said, her voice hollow even to her own ears.