#in a word: YYAYAAAAAARGGHGHGHHGDJKLSDK
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#hgnghghggngnh#in another uncomfortable situation again where i think i might have given someone (not the firefly boy) the wrong idea#i think the problem is that i do a lot of things out of politeness and it comes off the wrong way#like NO buddy i stayed up VERY late talking to you because i couldn't figure out how to say sorry i need to go now politely#it's not because i'm interested!!!!! I'M NOT#will delete later i am just mentally lying face down on the floor again#i should've just not answered the door I SHOULD'VE JUST NOT ANSWERED#he wanted to know if i wanted to walk to church together tomorrow! and like. first of all not really.... because of This#but also my walk to church is prayer time for me and i like to use that time to be still before i start the day!! sundays are REALLY busy!!#but on the other hand i don't want him to feel bad and i don't want to be a bad friend by refusing#not that i could say no anyway without sounding callous#in a word: YYAYAAAAAARGGHGHGHHGDJKLSDK#when will boy related troubles end. WHEN WILL THEY END#weeping into my water cup!! i am friendly and also scared of being rude! it's my personality! there are flaws there but that is what it is!#i am not interested!!!!!!!
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