#not that i could say no anyway without sounding callous

[thebirdandhersong]

.

[sanguineterrain]

for the dc prompts you reblogged:

can i request jason todd x reader "someone likes being pinned down" + A flirting with B while sparring to throw them off their tracks

where reader is also a vigilante??

thank you so much 🩷

very sexy prompts thank u 😌

jason todd x gn!reader. r and robin!jay were friends, r doesn't know jason is alive/red hood but jason knows r is a vigilante. r's alias is 'nocturne' (if that's already in use oh well lmao). fighting/sparring, jason is mega in love with you as usual!!

all fics at @sanguinelibrary

****

"Still blindly following the Bat, huh?"

You land in a crouch on the rooftop, just like how Nightwing taught you. The Red Hood doesn't look at you, digging through two duffel bags. He doesn't even draw his gun, like you've seen him do with virtually every other vigilante in Gotham.

You wait, ready to spring into action. But Hood doesn't stop what he's doing. Slowly, you rise.

"What... do you mean?" you ask.

"I mean, why are you traipsing around Gotham as a bat-adjacent? Who are you s'posed to be anyway? Goth Bat? Alternative Scene Bat?"

"I'm Nocturne," you say, shoulders rising to your ears. Rude. You thought the chunky boots and star over your suit's eye mask were inspired.

Red Hood lifts a hand. "Don't get me wrong, I dig the threads. I'm just surprised B didn't have an aneurysm over the sequins. Then again, Discowing did do it first..."

Your first two meetings with the infamous Red Hood have been similar in that he's never very concerned about you stopping him (ouch), but he also isn't callous or cruel with you like he is with the other vigilantes.

Case in point: the last person who cornered Hood on a roof was Red Robin. Hood shot him in the shoulder before he could land.

In short, he's perplexing as hell.

Batman's forbidden the rest of the team to confront Hood without backup. And you're technically not supposed to be on patrol tonight. But if you can intercept Hood, that'll be a huge win.

Hood keeps on packing the duffels. You hesitate, then step forward.

"Get away from the bags," you say. "I won't ask twice."

Hood looks at you. "Nocturne's a pretty cool name, I'll admit. And I like the boots. But I still think you oughta call it quits."

He zips up the bags, stands, and kicks them to the corner of the roof.

"Because you're just that unstoppable?" you ask, hands curling into fists.

"Yeah. But mostly 'cause I know you're made for so much more than this, sweetheart."

And that is the third and perhaps most bewildering thing about your encounters with Red Hood: you've gotten the creeping feeling that he... likes you.

Which is ridiculous, and if you ever breathed a word of that to anybody, Batman would probably check you into Arkham.

You take another careful step forward. Hood leans against the railing and folds his arms.

"This the part where you apprehend and hogtie me for innocently packing a duffel bag?" he asks.

You glare. "Innocent? I know you're making a weapons delivery because I know you've been waiting for Batman to be off-planet to make it."

"Clever. Told ya you're too good for this," Hood says. "Should be in college with those smarts, not playing maid for Batman."

"Are you lecturing me?"

"I'm advising you as your friendly neighborhood drug lord. Lecturing makes me sound like a guy who's got too much money and too big of a savior complex to understand that the way he fights injustice is fundamentally flawed."

"Sounds personal."

Hood laughs. "Honey, you have no idea."

You strike.

Hood parries your first attack easily, which you expect. The truth is that whoever trained Hood cut no corners and you're still relatively new at vigilantism. It's only by the grace of God that Hood hasn't left you to bleed out on a roof.

You kick his shin, but Hood turns on the instep and blocks. You go for his shoulder, where his armor separates to give him more movement. But Hood's ready for that too, and he catches your arm.

"Gotta keep that right arm up," he says. "Surprised no one's trained that outta you yet."

You elbow Hood in the throat. He coughs and lets go.

"Like that?" you ask, muscles tense with adrenaline.

Hood makes a sound that might be a laugh, still choked from your hit. "Just like that, honeylove. Good job."

"I don't need feedback," you snap, immediately going back in for another hit.

"Sorry. I'll make this quick then. I do have a delivery."

On the next strike, you advance, using a technique Nightwing drilled into your head for bigger opponents. Hood goes down and you land atop him.

"Oh, that's a Nightwing takedown if I've ever seen one," Hood says beneath you.

You're close enough that you can hear his breathing through the decoder. Pride swells in you at taking him down. Not even Batman has managed such a thing.

Hood is warm and big. His shoulder span alone dwarfs you. When you'd seen him from afar, fighting Batman or Nightwing, you'd been terrified.

But now, perhaps stupidly, you feel comfortable. Annoyed, but safe. Something about him reminds you of home. Makes your stomach flip in a good way.

Which is terrifying.

"You're coming with me," you say, reaching for your cuffs.

"If only. Unfortunately, you've forgotten a teensy weensy detail, dearest."

Hood bucks you off, legs first. Your feet fly into the air, which allows him to flip your positions. You wince, preparing for a concussion upon impact as you go down. But Hood cushions your fall and neatly rolls you over. Your back is pressed into the concrete, hands locked over your head. Hood's weight holds down your hips and legs.

He looms over you, easily holding you down. Your face grows hot.

"How did—" You squirm in his grip. "I had you!"

"Weight distribution, sweets. Tell Al—one of the Bats to add weight to your boots. They keep you light on your feet, but you were depending on them too much to hold me down, and we ain't evenly matched there."

You thrash in his grip. "Hood, I swear to fucking—"

"Easy. Don't sweat it, sweetheart. You haven't been doing this for very long. That was a good takedown, regardless. I'm impressed."

"Screw you."

He hums. You can tell he's smiling under the helmet. "Sorry, I forgot. You don't like feedback."

Hood strokes the inside of your wrist. You aren't sure he's aware he's doing it. His grip is firm but light. He's not trying to hurt you. Your pulse is in your throat.

For a moment, you're both still. Hood seems caught in a trance, like even Superman couldn't tear him away from this moment. From you. And it's not that you're afraid, you're just... you're...

"How do you know so much about me?" you blurt, because it's puzzled the whole team. "You been spying on me?"

"'Course not. Unlike your boss, I respect privacy. No, I did research. I recognized you from when you'd hang around that second Robin. Shrimpy little guy. What'd ya even see in him?"

The grief overtakes you before you can control your mouth.

"You don't know anything about me or him," you spit. "Don't fucking talk about him. He had more skill and goodness in his pinkie than you'll have in a lifetime. And you could learn a thing from him about changing a city. He'd tell you that fear alone never works."

Hood is quiet for a long moment. Then he speaks.

"Where's your distress signal?"

"Why would I tell—"

Hood shifts over you, cutting off your reply. He pulls a ziptie around your wrists. They're not even a little tight. You could probably slip out of them if you had five minutes.

"I know you're not s'posed to be out tonight," he whispers in your ear. "'S not your patrol night. Good thing you're my favorite."

You nearly swallow your tongue. "How do you—I don't—"

"Uh-huh. So you be good from now on, yeah? Wouldn't wanna have to keep tying you up like this."

You lift your chin. "We'll switch positions soon enough."

Hood snorts. "Okay, I know you heard how that soun—"

"I heard it," you say grumpily. "Just get on with it. Jerk."

"As you wish. Distress signal?"

"Collar."

Hood presses the button under your collar. Your breath hitches as his gloved fingers graze your neck.

"Oh? Does somebody like getting pinned down?"

"In your dreams."

Hood laughs. He zipties your ankles last, then sits you upright against the railing.

"Not too tight, are they?" he asks. "I know you've got a circulation problem."

You squint. "You seem to know a lot about me. Not fair that I don't know much about you, Hood."

"'S just business, honeylove," he says, scooping up his duffel. "Now I don't wanna see you in a suit anymore, comprende?"

"Or you'll what? Shoot me?"

Hood pauses, eerily still. He turns those glowing white eyes upon you. Your heart picks up.

"No," he says, so serious it startles you. "But someone else might. And I don't want you to face the same fate as your good friend Robin."

He vaults over the railing before you can respond. Your head thunks lightly as you lean back and wonder if you're really just business to the Red Hood.

(pt 2)

[nyonyen]

may i request a smut to fluff fic with Nyen?? :3

MORNING CIGARETTE

nyen x f!reader | AO3 | 18+ ᴛᴀɢs: semi-public, dirty talk, creampie, vaginal fingering, s/m dynamics, lil bit of blood & choking, eventual fluff

Nyen pushed you against the wall, forearm pinned under your chin— causing you to drop the carton of eggs you were holding. You could smell his morning beer on his breath as he leaned to seemingly menace you, “What do you think you’re doing?”

You laugh slightly as you take in his usual disheveled appearance, and how you could never take Nyen too seriously with that silly hat on, “I was about to make some breakfast for everyone, and you?”

He hums, the corner of his mouth rising, “Oh, yeah? Then why’s my last thing of cigs stuffed in your back pocket?”

Shrugging, you roll your eyes, “How else am I gonna get my fix? It’s not like you guys let me go out on my own. Randal hates it when we go to that convenience store, anyways.”

“What exactly made you think…” Nyen fully smirks at this point, “That you could steal my shit?”

As his forearm digs even further into your throat, you find it difficult to return the same amount of playfulness— the lack of oxygen will do that to someone. Your lips fall apart slightly, and your breath comes out in short gasps. He loved seeing you in such a pitiful position and suddenly licks a stripe up your cheek.

“I can practically taste your guilt right now,” he whispers, eyes taking in every micro-expression of yours as you stay silent, “You don’t have anything to say?”

Your gaze falls downwards to look at the now cracked eggs spilled on the tile, but you quickly look back up at Nyen as he presses his lips against yours in a forceful kiss. It seemed he had bigger things to worry about than the groceries Luther had so lovingly purchased the day prior.

His limbs moved from pinning you to gripping your shoulders, and you were finally to take a real inhale, albeit through your nose. Your hands move up to grip his shirt as well, pulling him as close as possible to you. You felt his claws digging in, and you whimpered loudly into the teeth-clashing embrace.

“You’re such a fucking tease, (Y/N).”

Smiling in a daze, you hum, “What’re you gonna do about it?”

Flipping you around suddenly, with your cheek now pressed against the wall, you hear him practically growl, “Put you in your damn place, like you’re begging for…”

You feel your pants getting pulled down unceremoniously, the enigmatic pack of cigarettes falling out of them. He ignores this, despite their seemingly obvious importance to him, and instead focuses on your newly revealed panties. Nyen chuckles, flicking his wrist as a single claw rips the thin fabric from your hips.

You gasp, muffled, “Hey, what gives?!”

“Just shut up.”

Smiling to yourself at his callous words, you inhale sharply as two of his fingers roughly enter you, without any prior lubrication. Thankfully, your increased arousal by simply being near Nyen was enough to ease the pain.

He leans over your shoulder, nipping at your neck as his fingers stretch you open at a breakneck pace, “Knew you were gonna be this easy when I finally got you, such a slut…”

Groaning as his tongue flitted over the bites he left on your neck, you rock back to meet his fingers. Chuckling again, he curls his fingers especially harshly. Your knees shake as he continues, falling into the rhythm of it all.

Suddenly, he leaves you empty and wanting. The sound of him leaving your wetness has you shudder, now becoming acutely aware of your surroundings, “Hey, maybe we should go somewhere else— ah!”

He cuts you off with a slap to your exposed entrance, the sound even louder than the one you had worried about, “I told you to shut up. We’re doing this my way.”

You bite your lip, not wanting to risk his genuine anger, but also not wanting to risk Randal or Nyon walking in— or worse, Luther. Who knows what any of them would say? Pulling you from this disastrous line of thinking, Nyen unzips his jeans— hissing gently as the cool air meets his hardness.

He steps closer, rubbing himself against you while groaning, “Been wanting so long for this, you don’t even know…”

Pressing inside gently, you both let out your own unique choruses of noises. He fully sheathes inside of you, pressing his hips flush against yours with a contented sigh. His nails leave crescents in your waist as he begins to thrust— Nyen couldn’t help but stare at the way he repeatedly entered your warmth. He also couldn’t help but think about how long it had been since he had done this.

“You’re so tight for me,” he choked out a moan as you clenched around him even further, “Yeah, keep squeezing, just like that…”

His claws subconsciously flex into your flesh, drawing blood as you almost mewl at the mixture of pleasure and pain. Nyen bites his lip to hold back a moan as he starts to see the red drip from your skin, you were so perfectly vulnerable.

The angle at which he was fucking into you was perfect, his length aimed up to continuously meet that spot inside of you. You felt your knees tremble yet again, but his vice grip on you made sure you wouldn’t fall. Reaching down, you start to rub at your clit roughly, not caring if he would laugh at your desperation as you assumed he would.

In fact, he encouraged you— in his own special way, “That’s right, get yourself off while I fuck you like the slut you are.”

You mewl as his thrusts pick up, and you speed your movements up as well— both of you were close. Nyen moves his hand from digging into your skin up to pulling your hair, making you cry out loudly. He pulls enough to be able to lick the shell of your ear, nipping as he goes.

“Gonna finish all the way inside,” his breath is hot against your ear, “I know you want it.” 

Nodding vehemently, you started to meet his thrusts to the best of your ability, “Please, please…”

“Fucking knew it,” Nyen grits his teeth as his pace becomes sloppy and rushed, so eager to finish deep inside of you.

You continue to cry out as you feel yourself coming apart as he fucks into you harshly— his constant mutterings of both insults and praise, let alone his painful embraces, had that knot inside of you unfurl.

He almost growls as he feels your release causing you to clamp down on him further, and he soon follows suit. His movements stutter inside of you, and he quickly lets go of your hair as he slumps against you. Nyen’s breath is labored as he slowly pulls out, arm wrapped under your waist so you don’t fall from the sudden change.

You craned your neck to look at him, and he was a sight: hat discarded, hair tousled, and skin flush. He leans to kiss you deeply as he lets you turn around fully to meet him— the two of you quickly redressing as you embrace.

Separating, your lidded eyes met his, “You’re gonna have to buy me another pair of panties, and another carton of eggs for the house, you know.”

“Alright, fine,” Nyen shrugs, zipping his fly, “But only if you give me back my cigarettes.”

Humming in faux thought, you smirk, “Maybe, if you help me make something else for breakfast, and have a smoke with me after?”

“I can get behind that.”

To sweeten the pot even further, Nyen helps you clean up the eggs he made you spill. It ended up being better, as he ended up burning the pancakes he insisted on making for the family. You opted to just set out some Eggo waffles on the table with the various toppings you knew everyone liked.

The two of you sat on the front porch, with him tearing open the fresh pack and you waiting with the lighter. You light the cigarette for him, and he lights yours as you watch the sun’s rays start to hit the morning dew.

Taking a drag, you gaze at the horizon with a question on your lips, “How long are we gonna keep doing this and not talking about it?”

“Not sure,” Nyen pauses in his drag, opting to instead flick out the growing ash, “How about we talk about it now?”

You turn to face him, and see the knowing smirk on his face as you opt to rest your head on his shoulder instead, “Let’s do more than just… this. How does that sound?”

His throat rumbles with a purr, reverberating throughout his body, “That sounds nice… let’s do that.”

He nuzzles the top of your head as you lean further into his shoulder, his hand coming to rest on your waist sweetly— caressing the beginning to heal claw marks. The pair of you sit there until the sun has risen just a bit more, basking in it and each other’s presence— until you hear Randal’s inhuman scream from inside at the sight of the chocolate chip Eggos. You share a stifled laugh until Luther opens the door to urge you back inside for the household meal.

[eddiemunsons80sbaby]

Hard Habit to Break

Pairing: EddieMunsonxOriginalCharacter

Summary: When a chance at the career he always wanted came knocking at the same time that she received the worst news of her life, they were forced apart. Long distance, time on the road, and stories in the tabloids destroyed anything they had left, leading him down a dark road, playing the role of the bad boy rockstar his manager wanted from him. Now tragedy will bring him back to the town he swore to never step foot in again and face to face with her for the first time in years. Will he be able to stick to the plan or will she be the one habit he can't break?

Trigger Warnings: Cancer battle, death of a parent, grief, addiction

18+ Only

Then

Eyes the color of whiskey, of the forest after the leaves had fallen, of safety and comfort, of love, of everything that had ever meant anything to her, meant everything to her, beseeched her, begged her to say what he wanted to hear. But she couldn’t. Her brain screamed at her, her heart raged at her, her blood was rushing, pounding through her ears, an insistent sound, her entire body revolting against the words that were coming out of her mouth but she had no choice. What else was she supposed to do? It was an impossible choice, one she’d never imagined she would have to make.

“Eddie…I can’t,” Tori whispered, each word fracturing a piece of her as she knew it would. The fracturing would continue, shards of her breaking off bit by bit, until there was nothing left of her but a pile of brittle sawdust on the floor. 

“Come on Funshine, don’t do this to me,” he pleaded, those ridiculously long lashes sparkling in the sun, beads of tears barely hanging onto the ends, each one just tearing her heart a bit more. If they fell, she was done for. She couldn’t bear to watch him cry. “I can’t do this without you, baby. I just can’t. I don’t know how to do this without you.”

She took his hands in hers, as warm as the rays of sunshine beating down on them. Hands that knew every curve of her body, hands that molded perfectly to her face, hands that held her together, hands that soothed her soul with just a touch. They were her hands. She knew every callous on those fingers, every ridge, every single line that shot through each palm. She’d traced them more times than she could count. She had these hands memorized, the chunky rings that left imprints on her skin just like this man had left imprints on her heart. 

Her fingers toyed with those rings, the massive skull, the boar’s head, the cross. She brought his hands to her lips, pressing them over the small black stone of the ring she’d bought him for his birthday her junior year of high school. Tori swallowed, the action painful, her throat refusing to swallow down the sharp, jagged agony of what she knew she had to do whether she wanted to or not. 

“I’m sorry. I have to stay,” she cried, staring at his hands, his short fingernails that he always bit down short. Her boy, full of nervous energy that kept him constantly in motion even when sitting still. They were jagged now, copper tracing along the ridges where he’d bitten too short and her heart broke just a bit more, knowing she was the reason for it. “You know that I have to stay right now. I can’t leave her.”

“Then I’ll stay too,” Eddie choked out, on the verge of panic, as if that were a real possibility. As if there were any reality where she would allow him to make that sacrifice for her, to give up everything he’d ever wanted. “I’ll tell them no. I’ll stay with you. I should be here with you anyway. I can’t leave you alone right now. You’re going to need me if…” He stopped, pausing to think about his words, a rarity for him which only indicated even more how much he truly loved her, not wanting to wound her worse than she already was. “When this is all over, when she’s better, then we’ll go together.”

Tori shook her head, finally bringing her eyes to his, sapphire meeting sepia, suffering mirrored in both shades. God, she loved him so much and she loved him even more for offering, for wanting to be by her side, for thinking it was even something he should consider but it wasn’t. She would never let him put his life on hold, possibly ruining his chances at achieving his dream, a dream he’d held for so long, for her. 

“No, baby. No…I can’t let you do that. You and the boys have worked too damn hard for this. You deserve this,” she told him, willing him to listen, to accept this because the tighter he held on, the harder it was for her to let him go and she had to. “You can’t turn this down. This is too big of an opportunity, Eddie. I can’t…no, I won’t let you do that.”

“You don’t get to decide for me,” he argued, tears that had been clinging to his lashes now slipping down his cheeks, silent streams of sadness and heartbreak. No. She couldn’t bear it. How was she supposed to be strong when he was falling apart? “It’s my life, Tori.”

“But it’s not just your life,” she reminded him. “What about Gareth and Jeff and Matt? You’re going to make this decision for them too? They want the band. That includes you. Without you, the deal is off. You can’t do that to them, Eddie. You’re not the only one this affects.”

A growl of frustration burst from within him as he broke away, turning his body so his back was to her. Eddie stomped a few steps away from her. His head dropped into his hands as he began pacing back and forth, back and forth, as if he could find some grand solution to this problem if he just kept moving. That was her boy, always moving, never stopping, never letting anything catch up to him. But she knew there was no solution to this, none that meant they stayed together. They had come to an impasse, the only option was the one neither of them wanted to face but had to.

“Eddie, this is everything you’ve ever wanted.”

“No, it’s not. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. You’re the cake, Tori. This shit is just the icing on top. Us, you and me, that’s what matters. I can live without fame and money and some stupid record deal. I can’t live without you.”

“You can and you will,” she stated simply, closing her eyes against the pain, a thousand papercuts that would bleed her out slowly. But Eddie would move on. He would bury himself in his music career and he would meet someone else one day and she would become nothing but a distant memory. The girl from the small town he’d left behind. The very thought made her stomach twist painfully but this was all she’d ever wanted for him. For him to be happy, to finally show the world just how amazing he was, for him to get everything he deserved.

“I can’t do this, Funshine,” he admitted softly, words muffled against his hands. “How do you expect me to walk away from you?”

“You’re not walking away from me, Eddie,” she assured, closing the distance between them. Tori slid her hands around his waist, her cheek pressing against the back of his leather jacket, inhaling that scent was just his, that scent she would recognize anywhere, that scent that would haunt her for days until she couldn’t catch it anymore. “You’re not leaving me. We’re just stuck in an impossible situation and it sucks.”

“It does suck!” he roared, causing her to jump. With a deep sigh, he spun in her arms, pulling her into his chest, his chin resting on her head, cocooning her in the safety of his body. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry. I’m not angry at you. I know you’re doing what you have to do. It’s just so unfair. I fucking hate this. I hate this so much.”

“I know…me too…” she agreed, burying her face against his jacket, opening her senses in an attempt to absorb him. She wanted everything about him to be imprinted on her, downloaded like a file into her body where she could never forget, never lose everything that was just quintessentially Eddie. 

He was going off to live his rockstar dream and it was everything she’d ever wanted for him. Tori had no doubt he would succeed. The talent this man had…there were no words for it. He was made to be on a stage, his presence larger than life. He exuded frontman energy in spades. And the other guys, their talent was wasted here in a small town like Hawkins that couldn’t appreciate them. They deserved stadium tours and standing ovations and hundreds of groups screaming their names. But she knew what that meant for her and her body recoiled at the very thought. 

Eddie was heartbroken right now but give it some time and he would move on. He would have girls throwing themselves at him every single night. Just look at him. He was the most beautiful man she’d ever laid eyes on. He wouldn’t stay single for long. He would have more options than he knew what to do with. He would be okay. He would heal. He would forget all about the girl he left behind in Hawkins when he was surrounded by gorgeous supermodels and actresses while she…she would never forget, forever clinging to the reminders of what was. 

“I love you,” Tori whispered, clinging to him, wishing she could crawl inside of him and stay there, follow him wherever this future took him. “I love you and that’s why I am letting you go, baby.”

“I don’t want you to let me go,” Eddie insisted, fingers pressing into the skin of her back as if he could mark her, brand her, claim her. He didn’t have to do any of that. She was already his, forever. It didn’t matter how much distance was between them or how much time passed, she was his completely and always would be. “Look, we don’t have to break up. We can do the long distance thing until…I mean, why not? I can call you and I can visit when I can and you can maybe come visit me and when you’re ready, then you can come be with me.”

Tori had thought about that. Jesus, this was all she had thought about for the last three months since Eddie had burst in their front door, grinning, bouncing with his good news only to find her on the floor, sobbing. He got the greatest news of his life on the same day she had received the worst news of hers. It was ironic really and not in a haha, that’s so funny kind of way but in a life sucks and just wants to destroy you kind of way. Just when she needed him most, his dreams were coming true and his dream was snatching him away. 

“Eddie…” she groaned softly because every time she convinced herself that she was strong enough to let him go, he would say or do something that would make her weak again, make her want to forget everything she’d said. Long distance didn’t work. It would only hurt them both more in the end. “We’ve talked about this. We agreed that…”

“No! We didn’t agree on anything. You keep saying it will never work. You have all kinds of reasons why it won’t work but you’re ignoring the one reason it will.” His hands came to her face and she turned into his touch, rubbing her cheek over his palm, her body searching for him the way it always had. “We love each other. Tori, I don’t care if thousands of other people haven’t made long distance work. I don’t care if Robin and Vickie couldn’t make it work. That doesn’t mean we can’t. We can do anything, Funshine. Come on. You know we can. Does seven years really mean nothing to you?”

Tori reeled back as if he’d slapped her, stepping away from him, eyes wide, gutted by his accusation. A new emotion began to take over the sadness, anger rippling along her skin. How could he even think that? How dare he have the nerve to even say something like that to her. Hadn’t she made it abundantly clear how much he meant to her? How much she loved him? How could he possibly doubt it?

“How dare you!” she snapped. “You know how hard this is for me, Eddie. I fucking hate this! You think I want to be without you? Especially right now? I don’t. When I think about the future, you’re the only thing I see. You’re the only thing I want but I can’t have you. Our paths are going in different directions right now and there’s nothing we do about it. I can’t go and you can’t stay. Please don’t make this harder. Losing you on top of everything else is killing me, Eddie. I am trying to be strong here but I just…I feel like I am falling apart, like I am just going to crumble into nothing and I…I just…” 

Sobs tore from her body, her shoulders heaving as she gasped for air, hyperventilating. Everything was falling apart. Her entire world was breaking, shattering. She was losing every single thing that meant anything to her and she was trying so hard to be strong, to hold it together for everyone around her but she was crumbling under the weight of it. 

Then Eddie was there, his arms coming around her, keeping those broken pieces together, her own personal superglue, whispering in her hair, “Baby, I am so sorry. I know. I’m sorry.” His hand ran over her hair, cupping the back of her head, pulling her into the solace that was his embrace. “Shit. I’m so sorry. You’re dealing with so much right now. I don’t want to make it worse. I just…I can’t just get on that plane knowing I will never talk to you again. Can’t we at least try to make this work?”

“Eddie…you’re going to forget about me,” she whimpered, wiping her face against his shirt. “You’re going to be so busy. You’re going to have so much to do once you get there. You’re not going to have time to call me. And what happens when you meet someone else? I don’t want you to feel tied down to me. You don’t need that right now and what I have going on, it’s just too much.”

“Wrap rope around my hands and attach me to you because there is no one else. I want to be tied down. Tori, there’s never been anyone else. There will never be anyone else. You’re it for me, Funshine. I love you so much.”

“I just…”

“Please, baby, please,” he pleaded, his lips pressing against her face, kisses of desperation and hope, kisses she was helpless against. “Please just try for me. Let’s just try, okay? It’s not going to hurt to try, right? We can make this work. I know we can.”

She was so tired, too exhausted to fight him anymore. Even though her brain was telling her this would never work, even though she’d gone over it a million times, weighing the pros and cons and the cons always came out on top, Tori just couldn’t battle anymore. Her body sagged against him in surrender. 

“Okay…okay…we’ll try,” she whispered. 

“I love you, Funshine. I love you so much,” Eddie mumbled against her skin, clinging to her. “We are going to make it, baby. This is going to work. I know it is.”

She wasn’t sure whether he was trying to convince her or himself but in the end, it hadn’t mattered.

******************************************************************

Here is the prologue for my new Eddie fic. It will be original character. I have a hard time writing reader and I have been editing my chapters for Tumblr but it takes so much time. I understand if some of you would rather not read it because of that. I will start posting this book on May 29th so let me know if you want added to the taglist and of course I always love to hear what you think. Thanks so much for your continued support.

[micheya]

Tighnari x reader | Are you kidding me?

______________________________________________________________

A/n: I highly underestimated how long it would take for things in life to get the heck out of the way, in order for me to write. I'm sorry for the (very) late post. (edit: this was meant for a fluffvember...alas)

Abrupt ending, otherwise I'd never post this and originally written with platonic intentions in mind

warnings: might be out of place paragraphs somewhere, if not then epic 👍

______________________________________________________________

Tighnari log | How he cares for you

Tighnari loves to spend time with you passively or actively. The presence of you in the same vicinity as him while he goes through his studies is enough to keep the mean in him down when stressed.

Somehow Tighnari sometimes gets all the sassier while simultaneously making a quick switch to a soft smile clearly indicating favour for you.

You'll trip and stumble and he'll almost always have something to say, ranging from "Be careful", "Ok, you lummox?", to "How you've made it this far without dying a good three times beforehand, is beyond me."

With comments like these, there's always an underlying tint to his tone of voice, one that very clearly distinguishes malicious intent to one of teasing and playful banter.

Such a voice when insulting you could never really be an insult, and it could never truly be completely disguised as one when he'd give himself away sometimes with that knowing yet prideful smile. He's got you with no refute again, and even with a response prepared, your declarations and sound effects of 'offence' are enough to keep him entertained and well rejuvenated for the next few hours of patrol and documentation (though he does love his job)

___

Tighnari doesn't necessarily dote on you more than the others, neither does he nag any less or more when annoyed to his lover. He just naturally treats you in accordance to how he feels, says what he thinks should be said and does what he thinks is suitable within a situation.

Like there's no way he's going to leave you without a word if you'd decided to haphazardly jump on an activated mushroom pad and smack your head against a tree.

Neither will he let you hear the end of it if you sprain, or heavens forbid break something on the way down because of gravity.

"For goodness' sake, what on earth is wrong with you?" He'd start, or more accurately continue from whatever thoughts he had when he sees you well enough to receive a scolding, "What in Teyvat possessed you to do something so callous, huh?" with a gauze on your forehead and a bandage currently being wrapped around your leg by him, you were forced to listen to his entourage of piercing comments.

He'd stand up with a huff to get an ice pack, momentarily quiet before he'd crop up with a "And another thing!" before forcefully placing the ice pack on whichever wound had swelled up first.

"ah, ah, ah, cold!" you hissed out.

"Good."

You sucked in a breath through your teeth, wincing more at his tone than anything else at this point. From what you could see in your peripheral vision - from glancing at the floor to avoid eye-contact - his gaze was focused on your ankle now, carrying a sort of solemn expression (his ears only ever so slightly tilting down a few degrees lower - but you chalked it up to gravity playing it's part).

"You need to be more careful."

"I didn't mean to cause a hassle."

The both of you spoke simultaneously before Tighnari took it upon himself to speak first, "You're an adventurer at heart, I get it. And in this job anyway, you're bound to swing on some vines, find a rishboland tiger that looks particularly docile-"

"Test out some mushrooms you have no clue as to what the side effects are?"

"Yes," he rolls his eyes, "'and test out some mushrooms you have no clue as to what the side effects are.' Really, you somehow still have it in you to try and sass me?"

you guffaw a single breathless 'ha!'. Wasn't this the same man you would sometimes find unconscious on his lonesome in the middle of nowhere with dangers lurking all around, purely because he'd sometimes find it to be a hassle to go back to Ghandarva ville to have someone supervise him? In your mind you may be exaggerating the dangers a bit - he knew to be aware of his surroundings - but he was just as bad! (Actually hardly as bad, but you could be dramatic).

"You expect me to follow you around and not pick up some of your attitude?"

"Well in my defence, you're the one who stuck to me like a Kalpalata Lotus to a cliff side"

"You're! the one who said that I should follow you around as to not bother the other forest rangers."

"That's because you wouldn't sit still when you were still a patient here."

"Well in my defence" he rolled his eyes in the reuse of the phrase, "I was feeling much better. Like right now." before you could even press your hands onto the mattress to stand yourself up, "Oi! oi, oi, oi! hey, hey, stop!" your eyebrows shifted in horror.

"You're feeling much better...huh." he didn't even spare you a glance, getting up to put the icepack away.

"I get it geez." How could he push against your ankle like that? He could be so cruel.

"All I'm saying is think before you leap - which in this case applies quite literally." From the desk across the room, he turned with a hand on his hip to look at you, "There are many things within the forest that appear enticing even to me and they all carry their own set of risks. It's your job, my job, our job as forest rangers to assess and stop that risk from turning into an actual hazard. Ok?"

"Ok."

Making his way to a cupboard he picks out a crutch before waltzing back to you, "Jump on as many mushrooms as you want, as long as you're careful." with an emphasis on careful he paused, sitting beside you.

"I hope this time around you actually use the crutch instead of hopping around thinking it's faster."

[kiefbowl]

So it sounds like "female liberation" has nothing to do with putting women in charge of their own decisions, but an expectation to sacrifice our own desires for the collective of womanhood. Notice how the solution for the drudgery of "women's" work isn't to encourage women to drop their mommy martyr complexes, but to push those responsibilities onto childfree women instead? I'm not going to sacrifice my own freedom to someone who chose to fuck up her own life.

I have no doubt you have encountered women who uncritically expect childless women to help mothers as some sort of feminist maxim, but it ain’t me. Idk why saying “our modern society is set up to create more work and make it harder for childcare and housework as an extension of further subjugating women” = so childless women need to step, rather than idk fathers…or the government…or even other mothers…or even stop having children. Possibly that one post where I said at most 30 words could be charitably understood to mean any thousands of things, but because it’s clear you hate mothers in general from your callous “mommy martyr complexes”, you weren’t interested in reading the post charitably. So I don’t really care what you have to say. As if drudgery can ever go away. Who cleans the dishes when there are no more children left, who wipes the asses when there are only elderly left. Who’s going to grow my weed. I guess why talk about it at all. Why imagine that labor is collective effort in any case with or without mothers existing, but especially since mothers do exist. Idk!!!! guess I’m a dumb mother lover blah blah blah anyway what pizza should I get for lunch today

[tadpolejourney]

Day 3

I found a lute. Not a great one, but it plays in tune. Good enough for me. I already miss my guitar. I found a letter between lovers (on a corpse, quite tragically) that mentioned traveling to Baldur's Gate. It must be nearby. City of my cruel upbringing, my sorrows, my ire, and my ghosts. I'd rather go back to the Hells.

I also found the apparently renowned “Gale of Waterdeep”. Yes, he introduced himself to me with a title rather than his simple name. Already encountering some serious characters, or rather characters taking themselves very seriously. He's very intelligent and charming, but likely prone to arrogance which other people would (naturally) find off-putting. Despite the fact that I discovered him, as a supposedly adept wizard, stuck inside his own portal, he still had the audacity to call his rescuer 'unlettered'. Why bother to use manners if you're just going to insult people anyway? Annoyingly, I think he's quite handsome. Of course I'd never tell him so. His ego clearly needs deflating, not inflating. He could be projecting all that bravado to mask deep insecurity though. I can't tell yet. He wasn't the least bit judgy about me picking through crates, barrels, and corpses for useful items. And out of everyone I've met thus far he seems to be the most trustworthy. We'll see.

We encountered the githyanki woman snared in a trap by a pair of tieflings. I had to convince them that she was intelligent and not some thing to be trapped and killed as you would a wild animal. They were easily swayed and I freed her. Her name is Lae'zel. She mentioned a githyanki creche would hold a cure for our infection. She's grumpy, callous, and impatient, but she's extremely dependable in a fight. She seems too literal in her speech and truly believes in what she promises, which tells me she is not being deceptive. However, convictions do not always hold actual truths. Gale seemed intrigued by her, though I suppose anyone would be in this realm. I know I am.

A pale elf named Astarion lured me into a trap and held a knife to my throat. I've heard it's a great way to make friends, but I've never tried it myself. He's gorgeous, but assuredly deadly. Eyes of a predator. What I saw when our minds collided confirmed what I suspected. He was hunting something or someone. He was predictably coy when I asked him about himself. Claimed to be a magistrate. Yeah, and I'm a fucking queen back home. He's hiding a hell of a lot. Another alliance which I shall be extraordinarily wary of. I suspect my other allies will be on their guard around him as well, at least they should be.

We happened upon an old crypt. According to Gale it used to be dedicated to Jergal, Scribe of the Dead. I found a button, which is to say I immediately pushed a button I found. Turned out to be a trap. We were ambushed by skeletons, which we promptly dispatched. They were guarding a tomb with a peaceful mummified undead inside. He seemed to have premonitions about my fate, and said he could revive me or any of my 'companions' should one of us perish. He refused to elaborate on anything. Okay, weird skelly boy.

We camped at the crypt and there was an ornamental piano, filthy but miraculously still in tune. I annoyed Lae'zel, who called my music 'hellish screeching and clanging'. Clearly uncultured. Astarion and Gale spent the evening separately brooding. I didn't feel like singing, but it was nice to play for a while. I played through bits and pieces of what I've been putting together for Act V, and it sounds just fine to me. I hope I'll get to finish it.

Get this, all of my newfound allies have their fucking stuff. Bags of holding with tents and all the creature comforts you'd want for camping. I'm the only one without. Fuck my life.

I haven't seen Shadowheart yet. I wonder if she made it. No sign of the creature called Us either.

<<< Day 2 | Index | Day 4 >>>

[merv606]

((“She’s beautiful.” Daniel remarks, and she is. Dark hair with darker eyes, offset by olive skin and a generous mouth.))

The best thing is that Daniel even privately thinks he looks more like her when he was younger than Terry probably ever did lol. Like…Danny boy. You’re so sweet but so dense. Terry is probably thinking how the Silver man all certainly have A Type.

Interesting how Mother Silver is implied to have been deeply unhappy in her marriage to Senior Silver. Meanwhile there’s her son who is so evil and sinister to Daniel while still being madly in love with him. Ohhhhh boyyyyy.

Spoilers - this part is not quite polished up yet.

Takes place right where the last one left off.

The younger man is silent, worried about what that means, worried about the mood it might send Terry into if he were to ask.

As if sensing Daniel’s want but also his indecision, the questions lying heavy on his tongue, Terry turns to him, leaning down slightly, to be closer, as he does.

“I have nothing to hide,” Terry says, “not from you,” encouraging him to give life to the questions filling his mouth, the questions that are oddly what is keeping him for speaking.

“What happened?”

Even though Terry knew it was coming, he inhales deeply and slowly before answering.

“He saw her one day in a market here. He got her pregnant, married her then brought her back to the states.”

So matter of fact; his voice eerily similar to the night he first told Daniel of his time in Vietnam.

“Her family had nothing. To them, and her, it was an offer at a better life. They didn’t know any better. She didn’t know any better.”

Daniel remembers poverty. His mother going days without eating so he could. Daniel finding that out and lying to her on some days that he had so that she finally would.

Terry laughs, a hollow thing that sets Daniel on edge not so much for its coldness, but how it contrasts against the sound of the laugh itself.

“The handsome american who had seen the most beautiful woman and made her his. He charmed a lot of people with that version of the story. He would say that heI had only come to broker a deal to dispose of waste and found the love of his life.”

“Was she?” Daniel asks gently.

“They used to be happy …. I think.”

“The way she would describe it, when they first met anyway. How she knew, from the minute she saw the handsome man at the market that her life would never be the same. How everything was better …. Until it wasn’t.”

“Your father ….”

“He was never the marrying kind. He always had a wandering eye and …. He broke her heart.”

“She would do these things to get his attention… she never meant any of them.”

“But after one attempt she was in the hospital longer than normal. They had given her pills to sleep and she got … well, she got too used to taking them.”

“Guess I got more than my hair from her after all.”

Daniel says nothing, for there is nothing to say.

“She used to say the pain was in the memory of something … as long as she couldn’t remember then it wouldn’t hurt her.”

“I think they made her forget.”

“She had been getting better but ….”

“But,” Daniel prompts.

“One night, she started the car in the garage. It wasn’t the first time she had done it, not by any means but this time, well, the pills knocked her out so she couldn’t …. She never woke up from that one.”

“Terry, I ….”

For once, it seems, Terry is not paying attention to Daniel.

“She had begged him not to go that night. Knew where it was he was going but, he went anyway. Like every other time before.

“I found her but … she was already cold.”

Daniel flashes back, to going in to wake his father that morning, after his mother had asked him to, and like Terry had been unable to.

Daniel puts Terry’s hand in his squeezing - maybe another time he’ll tell Terry that but for now he doesn’t want to make this about him

“I think she felt things too much, and that can be dangerous, especially with a callous man.”

Terry may be his father’s son in several regards but he wishes he had been his mother’s. He promised himself in that regard though, he would not be.

Terry looks at Daniel now, down at their interlocked finger and he raises it to his mouth, kissing the back.

“You will never feel that. You never be neglected like that. I would never do that to you. You are and always will be the only one for me - the most important thing to me - you are my life.”

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Some of you have probably noticed that I havent made a liveblog post in a while. Well, thats because I usually read on the bus and during my classes and then I come home and summarize my thoughts on the 2-5 chapters I read after theyve marinated in my head for a little while, but unfortunately i appear to be incapacited at the moment so I cant do that. But because its been weeks and I dont wanna forget anything and I would very much like to finish this series soon, I'll try to read at home sometimes from now on. Since my brain is still a lil mush Im gonna do what I did for my last post, which is write down what Im thinking as Im reading instead of summarizing all my thoughts retroactively, except this time I have my german copy on hand so if I want to quote something it'll be a translation

Anyway, with all that said, welcome to my twisted mind, please enjoy my thoughts on A Court of Mist and Fury Chapters 40

Chapter 40

Ive been wanting to say this for a while now but i kept forgetting, but they translated 'winnowing' as 'den Wind spalten' ['splitting the wind'] and that is objectively so much cooler, shoutout to my gal Alexandra Ernst for that

Feyre being like "ugh, its so pathetic how these human guards think they could stand a chance against even one of us" hurts me so much you guys what have they done to my girl

Once again, its apparently perfectly fine if Rhysand doesnt tell Feyre anything "because she never asked" but if Tamlin doesnt tell her anything when she never asked hes the devil

Also once again, Feyre is perfectly not-triggered at Mor wearing a scarlet dress

Idk how to explain this, but Rhysand saying that Feyre is wearing a golden crown because "she looks so good with it, how could he not give her one" is somehow the perfect encapsulation of the hollowness of her High Lady title

Oh, of course three of the queens only showed up to watch the other two talk, itd be too hard to write dialogue if they actually participated in this important conversation

hello???? Feyre referring to humans as "your kind" ??? wth is going on

"every side bears some blame" hey rhysand ive got a question for ya. which side enslaved the other again

everytime the oldest queen does anything the prose feels the need to remind me of how old and wrinkly she is and its like, i get it, shes OLD

The oldest queen is spitting so hard rn, Im not even gonna question how they heard of the night court when Feyre, who lived closest to Prythian for many years, didnt know anything aout the individual courts prior to getting there herself, Im just gonna put her whole little monologue here: "Oh? [...] The High Lord of the Night Court asks that we join him so that we can save lives together? Fight for peace? And what about the lives that you have taken during your long, despicable existance? What about the High Lord who shrouds himself in darkness and destroys the mind of those who stand in his way? [...] We have heard of you on the continent, Rhysand. We have heard of what the Court of Night is capable of, what you do to your enemies. Peace? I wouldn't have thought that you - a man who enslaves the minds of others and kills them out of pure enjoyment - even know that word."

Anyway, she was spitting absolute bars and Feyre gets super mad about it and almost commits arson but manages to reign herself in and its like girlie, why are you so upset? one of the first things we find out about the night court in this book is that they apparently indiscriminately kill (or atleast torture) anyone who crosses the night court border without permission like theyre the fucking us government, i think the bad reputation is justified

Forgive me if I sound callous, but I have absolutely no sympathy for Rhysand flinching at the mention of Amarantha when Feyre didnt even use her name and is also talking about how she fucking DIED AT HER HANDS

God, I feel like I have something to say about every single line this post is gonna be like 10 thousand words long by the time Im done

So lets take it from the top; Feyre tries to convince the mortal queens to give them the half of the book by recounting to them how much everyone suffered under Amarantha and how she was gruesomely beaten to death and then revived, which is not a compelling argument to me, who actually witnessed all of that, much less these queens who have barely any context for anything shes saying right now

The oldest queen is like "you dont know anything about anything" which is true what the fuck does Feyre know about whats going on in the human world or even the fae world at large, and then Rhysand growls "dont you dare talk down to her!!" because shes passionate and speaking from the heart or whatever and its like, okay, shes still not good at politicking or even just basic negatioation and shes talking to a seasoned politician who old as fuck

Like, if Feyre was actually smart, she wouldve long since realized that she couldnt convince these queens to protect this little slip of land right up to prythians border and been like "okay, you dont wanna protect the land, but can you atleast organize an evacuation so you can atleast save the people" Sure, they definitely still wouldnt have agreed to that because its a sjm book and theyre written to be comically evil, but it would atleast demonstrate Feyre being a little savvy, because right now all we're getting is her being stupid and stubborn in a situation where she really cant afford that

god, im just now noticing how pissed off I am, its been bleeding into my commentary and its not gonna stop, Im sorry. wait no, if youre reading this youre probably looking for negativity, so youre welcome, actually

Anyway, Rhys also says that Feyre is a kindhearted soul looking out for people who cant defend themselves even though she definitely thought that those human guards were pathetic for wanting to defend themselves when she and the other fae were soooooo much more powerful and he definitely knows that because the mental bond is fully open during this meeting and he chastises the queens for being selfish and cowardly when its like, my brother in christ you are doing the exact same bullshit, but atleast the queens are defending a wholeass continent while hes defending one (1) city. and iirc that city ends up getting attacked and destroyed anyway so good job my guy

Theres something so oddly biblical about the story Mor is telling about Miriam, down to her name being Miriam

That island thats removed from time is such bullshit istg

Is it just me or have these bozos not actually explained what they even need the other half of the book for. theyre just like "we need to stop this war and we'd like peace between humans and fae" and its like cool, hows the book gonna help with that though

im sorry, feyre wants to punch that old woman in the face????

the chapter ends with Elain being like "I hope they burn in hell" and i get that, they just straight up said that they want to abandon a whole bunch of people (them included) to die if a war breaks out, but you cant say that the night court girlies are not also at fault for being so fucking bad at politics

[1004tyun-archive]

❥ what best friends do

pairing: yeonjun x reader

genre: best friends to lovers

warning: suggestive content

summary: you have a crazy suggestion with a crazier solution and yeonjun is into it, but not without a little convincing

word count: 777 words

a/n: phew, this was a lot of fun to write! ^_^ i haven't written anything spicy in such a long time so i hope y'all enjoy it!

i was listening to gentleman by gallant on loop while writing this, so i highly suggest listening to it to set the mood 😏

“we’ve done everything best friends do except kiss.”

yeonjun does a double take and nearly drops his phone on his face.

“i dunno, the kind who’ve kissed before!”

yeonjun runs a hand through his hair and sighs, clearly unsure of what to say next. what could he say?

yeonjun runs a hand through his hair and sighs, clearly unsure of what to say next. what could he say?

“so, what? you wanna kiss me?” he asks as he rolls onto his stomach to get a proper look at you.

you blush and suddenly the entirety of your shared living room space feels hot.

“i mean…” you start. “i don’t not want to kiss you.”

“Y/N,” yeonjun says in the tone of an exasperated parent.

“what? can’t i want to kiss my best friend once in a while?”

“maybe try not phrasing it like it’s something everyone’s doing.”

“but everyone is doing it, jjun.”

“Y/N,” he says again in that ‘so done with you’ tone “if you wanna kiss me, just say that.”

“okay, fine! since you wanna hear it so badly— choi yeonjun, i want to kiss you. there, happy?”

at that moment, there’s a shifting of energy, as if you confessed to something that had been buried deep in your subconscious for years. the room falls silent, so silent that the abrupt click and subsequent blowing of air from your air conditioner makes you both flinch.

you exhale, as if you’ve been holding your breath this whole time.

“wait, a-are you serious?” he asks and in this moment, you feel like a sledgehammer to the head would’ve been less subtle than what you just admitted to.

“uh, yeah,” you say.

“oh… cool,” he says.

cool? that certainly is a way to phrase it...

“do you wanna kiss me?” you ask, sounding more hopeful than you mean to come across.

there it is, that same heavy silence. you start to wish you never brought it up in the first place.

“let’s drop it,” you say with a forfeiting wave of your hands. “it was just a joke anyway.”

“no no,” yeonjun says and suddenly he’s sitting on the loveseat with you, his hand resting on your knee. “no, i… i want to. let’s try it.”

you look at him with raised eyebrows.

“damn, thirsty much?” you jest and before you know it, his lips are pressed against yours. your eyes flutter closed and you lean into the kiss. it’s soft and a little too eager, your lips hurt a bit from the sudden impact but it’s welcomed.

you separate and look at each other for a moment, and you’re sure you’re thinking the same things.

1. what did we just do?”

and

2. “we need to do that again”

so you do.

yeonjun pulls you closer by the waist and kisses you again and your hand snakes up to cradle his cheek.

and you go back for more and more, with parted lips and roaming hands.

your tongue carefully peeks out to swipe against his bottom lip and yeonjun is hesitant at first. he seems a little surprised that you’d take control in that way but you’re certain he likes it with the way his grip on your waist tightens and he slides his tongue against yours.

he tastes so sweet, like a cherry lollipop, and you want more and more of him.

yeonjun pulls you onto his lap and you straddle him, you give into the urge to run your hand down his toned chest.

yeonjun slides his hand underneath the fabric of your worn t-shirt and goosebumps blossom all over your skin. everything about this room is cold— namely, the air and your skin, but his hands are so warm, so soft yet you can feel every small, rough callous that contrasts with the softness. it’s so him.

how is yeonjun so… himself in every single way?

you separate from him for a moment, leaving behind a thin string of saliva.

“jjun?” you ask, panting.

“yeah?” yeonjun asks, trying to sound unaffected as if he isn’t also trying to catch his breath.

“i don’t think best friends do this.”

“you don’t say?” yeonjun says with a tilt of his head and one eyebrow raised.

he laughs in his usual wheezy, boyish way and buries his face in the crook of your neck and you feel his lips drag against your skin, making you feel so warm.

“let’s go to my room and keep doing what best friends don’t do.”

[itrin]

another wolf359 relisten

bc ive relistened to this podcast maybe four times now and im coming back to it for a fifth time (in 2 years) and i think i could genuinely listen to it 59 times and still enjoy it just as much as the first time

bc holy shit this is such an incredible podcast and i love noticing the tiny details i missed in the previous listens and just absorbing the dynamics again

anyways here's my totally normal feelings and thoughts dumped out, completely unsolicited and without order:

the sound design and production are everything to me; wolf 359 is the only podcast that I dont have to do another to in order to listen lmao I can, have, and do listen to the podcast at the table with my hands folded or eating dinner like I can still be engrossed in the story just by being still too

hearing hera's voice in episode 1 DFHSDKJG she's so...customer servicey and just the sharp contrast between her in the very first episodes and later on in the series; hilberts voice is changed too for the first episodes -- he sounds high-pitched like he's really trying to sell the character of Alexander Hilbert, quirky and unassuming scientist. listening to them when we're first introduced to them, with the knowledge of who they become and what they do, it hits-- all the nuances in voice is just wow. Like Hilbert's mask slipping briefly, the crack in the character, the facade, as indicted by his voice deepening into his real voice sometimes (I think in the empty man episode)

the Empty Man still creeps me out like it did the first time. The Empty Man always gives me chills.

minkowski holding a gun to fiffel's like how lovelace holds a gun to everyone on board with her bomb like how cutter holds a gun to humanity with the decima virus. how eiffel is humanity and humanity was the only thing hilbert cared about

when minkowski says she's never seen eiffel as happy as he looked in the picture he taped under his desk, the one where he's with anne; eiffel's voice when he first talks about what happened with anne to minkowski, flat and forcibly casual, then raw and bitter...oof

minkowski says in mini episode 6 that "my husbands going to kill me" ....gurl..ur husbands going to witness u get killed on tv..and his company covers the story..

episode 38 "happy endings" was very satisfying and I love the dynamic between hilbert and lovelace. and also:

hilbert is such A Character; everything is for progress, for the big picture. he has morals and boundaries but he'll willing to cross them, he has principles and he's willing to compromise; he wanted so badly for everyone under his care to live but they didnt and he started again. there's no humiliation he won't endure for the big picture. lovelace constantly kept getting outraged on his behalf because he couldn't muster up anything besides determination (resignation) -- which I think is the best part of their dynamic, hes cold, dead steel and she's a blazing, dangerous inferno. they hate each other, they're the only ones who know each other, who remembers the first Hephaestus crew. hilbert did care for the og crew, and he cares for the new Hephaestus crew too, but he cares about decima, the progress of humanity, and the big picture most of all

in ep34 when kepler asks eiffel "what's going on, what's the problem?" in that voice, and i-

I had many conflicted feelings about si5. still do and probably always will with every listen. si5 is...recruiting people at dead ends and rock bottoms because they have no where else to go, no one else to turn to, and its all they have to dedicate themselves to Goddard. si5 are people who have nothing else, so they dedicate themselves to each other. si5 have complexes upon compartmentalizations upon complexes and they're callous, objectively bad people but they're bonded stronger than most families. they're trained, loyal and without hesitation, they trust each other and only each other. they were set up to be invincible, and when they fell, it was spectacularly hard.

what's that one post thats like "what makes w359 incredible is that every character is written like a main character" yeah

when "we try not to be monsters. when we can help it" goes to "the hell do you think we are, ups?" and to "*maxwell collars hera*" [insert tearing teeth out noises]

I think about Kepler's pig joke.

I think about someone saying Kepler's laughter is his cry.

I think part of why Kepler hates Hilbert so much is because when si5 kills, its with a purpose and a plan, and Kepler knows decima will go nowhere further than this so to him, the murders are disgusting because they're purposeless

si5's divide and conquer approach from the very beginning was ruthlessly effective holy shit; but at the same time, I cant help but think about how nice it must feel to have someone who understands, to have an advocate for the first time; Hera with Maxwell, and Eiffel with Kepler

on that note, I never understood why, really; every time, I just cant help but think its hypocritical for any of them to feel distress and anger over murder when theyre responsible for the same crime. but thats human, simply put. jacobi has blood on his hands, he killed hilbert remorselessly, but he's in pain and grief over Maxwell's death--and ig the act of murder doesn't protect u from the fallout of death.

god I fucking love Renee Minkowski so much, so MUCH. and the little things too -- refusing to back down from Kepler in that first bit when he interrupts her solitary confinement for help (satisfying, go girl); and also calling out Jacobi for his shit every time, including the fact that he had a choice to disobey orders, not kill Hilbert, and save Maxwell and he didnt make that call. just - I love her

Jacobi once said something like "Kepler doesnt push people past breaking point" and then kepler realizing hes pushed too far when Jacobi tries to force minkowski to shoot him dead. "please tell me you have a plan" said in a shaky voice, ah

truly I dont know where id be without the "Memoria" episode where Hera uncovers her subconscious saying "I cant do this, im not good enough," and then every single time afterwards she does it anyways. always. that episode impacted me..somuch.

this isn't even close to capturing everything, w359 is truly the chefs kiss. but I had to put this out somewhere.

anyways.

[dbeatappreciator]

“Like a couple months later”

October 15th: the callous daoboys - Die On Mars

Slimebergrind. I listened to this band under the pretense of it being “mathy emo music” and what I got was two albums (and some EPs i haven’t heard) of perfect……. fuck what do i even call this? what am i doing?? i’m 3 bong rips deep and i’m trying to describe the daoboys? that is a terrible idea. Anyway, it’s heavy, it’s sassy, it’s fast, the noisy bits as well as the more melodic bits weave into the never ending restless tempo/time switches that set up quite the barrier for entry for people who wanna mosh to this, let me be clear, it can be done you just have to be a bit of a gay nerd (and if you’re reading this chances are you are). This album is ADHD at it’s truest and has such a distinct sound that completely does away with the masculine energy that emanates off most “core” bands, The Callous Doughboys carry a fun, lighthearted welcoming energy without letting go of that “fuck you” metal attitude, conspiracy theorists and catholic extremists are on the beating end of Maddie’s guitar, lucky for them these guys scream hard enough you can just pretend you can’t understand you cowards.

This album is scathing, from the very opening moments of Flip Flops at a Funeral the daoboys are going strong with vaguely guitar made noises, pure queer anger, and plenty of “theatre kid shit” this song is a perfect mission statement for the genrebending borderline tempoless yet infectiously groovy album we have ahead of us. The Callous Doughboys have endless riffage for every situation, and Dogfight Over the Trenches is a great demonstration of their composing ability, fuck it, this might be one of their best songs, it’s full of those crazy shots that pepper their signature style, noisy bits, breakdowns, and pained vocals that make your aunt say “turn that screamo shit off”. It’s a well pondered question among yuppies how heavy music could possibly be catchy to some people, and through my journey with the daoboys i’ve discovered that a big part of it is familiarity, this sound can be really hard to break into from a purely hardcore background (like i did) but once you feel like you “get it” i implore you to listen to Fake Dinosaur Bones one more time and shout it at the rooftops cuz it is by far one of the catchiest metal songs i’ve heard. After a lovely interlude we jump right back into another of my favourites (they’re all my favourite) The Absolute Barnstormer, a brutal grind jam that still reeks of that theatre kid shit, i think that if you had to get a strictly metal fan into this (for some reason idk) this would be the song to do it, the riffs in this song are so white belt, the restaurant scene is so funny, the shots are still in full fucking swing, and that guitar feedback hits my ears soooooo nicely, S Tier track. Chances are good if you’ve heard of these guys you know Blackberry DeLorean, and that’s for good reason, this song has some of my favourite melodies and riffs and beats, the whole thing takes me back to middle school in the best way possible, if you’re gonna listen to any daoboys this is the song, and then listen to the rest of them or else you won’t be hot n sexy🤷‍♀️. Pure Schlock is a song that you can tell they had fun writing, it’s so fun to break shit to, the dissonant guitar leads next to those fucking shots before a quick pre chorus and one of the best choruses on the whole album, both vocalists take this track as a chance to show off and they leave me in awe, the whole band is going so hard on this song (forgot to have breakfast with my spiro i’m dissociating a little) and every breakdown has my downstairs neighbours plotting to have me evicted if i don’t stop jumping around. this is a pretty long album and i’m running out of interesting things to say, i love every song on this so damn much, but we’re gonna skip right ahead to the song of the hour, the bisexual menace, the complete and utter moshfest that is Die On Mars (Sunspot) the way the whole rhythm section moves together despite the wildly inconsistent tempo, i’d love to figure out how the guitar makes those noises, or even how the bass developed that much swagger, but more than anything i just want everyone to shut up and listen to this fucking chorus, it’s so heavy, so catchy, so daoboys, you don’t get this sound anywhere else, so in the end when they start singing i just close my eyes and let the frantic, amazing guitars wash me away.

[holocene-sims]

next // previous

may 25, 2021 7:30 p.m. grant's house

watching television lost its glimmer hardly half an hour after grant stressed himself out again by checking his phone, so he escapes his mental prison by doing what he should have done in the first place. he braves whatever fears he still has and heads upstairs to play skyrim like he intended. so what if he does run into päivi later on?

skyrim more fun than brooding all afternoon and he’s quickly sucked into the game again with no external thoughts even crossing his mind until hunger brings him back to consciousness. he exits the game, realizes it’s well after 7 o’clock, and leaves to fetch something from the kitchen.

he never heard the creak of the front door, but there’s no doubt päivi is back from work by now. grant spies her shoes by the door and her leather bag hangs in its place on the coat rack. when he goes to open the refrigerator, he can’t help but notice her car keys and a magazine or something of the sort laying on the counter.

without thinking, grant abandons his search for sustenance and picks up the paper item.

he looks for only a moment before the paper morphs into a hot potato and he discards it in a hurry, putting it back under her car keys where it belongs.

planned parenthood.

it was a planned parenthood pamphlet.

not that he’s surprised, of course, or against the purpose of the pamphlet. he knows why she’d have it.

but still.

grant turns his back to it and awkwardly opens the fridge from the side, refusing to acknowledge his mistake of rifling through päivi’s things.

he ends up reheating another serving of the homemade macaroni and cheese his grandmother sent him back with. he saved it for last, and sure, he’s eaten in three days in a row, but he could never get sick of eating it. plus he decides not to banish himself to the basement. no matter what, he will walk back into the office, sit down, and eat his dinner in peace. he bought the house with his own damn money and he’s going to use it.

grant steps out into the living room, food in hand, and–

oh.

päivi is sitting on the couch. just sitting there twiddling her thumbs expectantly.

“you were waiting for me, weren’t you?” grant asks, gripping tighter onto the bowl in his hands until his fingers blanch cold white.

“can i please talk to you for like five minutes?” she pleads.

her tone is remarkably different than it has been every other time he’s spoken to her in the last two weeks. it’s more like the päivi he knows well. soft, gentle, relaxed. and for a moment her demeanor fools him. he almost abandons his plans to instead join her on the couch for a conversation, but no, he stands his ground. grant remains firm where he is and stares straight ahead at her, saying nothing.

“okay, fine.” she purses her lips, frowning. “i get it. i, um...i thought maybe...i don’t know, we’ve been together for a long time. i thought it’s only fair we settle affairs.”

“what affairs? like the one you had?”

she plays the silent game, too, for a while. päivi stares back at him, waiting until he cracks, though he never does.

but the tension in the room is shattered by an ear-splitting crash of thunder and the rattle of the house as the energy flows through it.

“never mind.” päivi waves him off with a flick of her wrist and a callous eye-roll. “anyway, you’ll be glad to know i'll be out of here in a couple weeks. i have some, um, things to take care of first, but don’t worry about it. i'll have my shit out of here before you even know it.”

grant sighs. “good.”

he vanishes and shuts himself away in the office, though the immediate sound of päivi’s crying as he closes the door is enough to steal his appetite and replace it with churning nausea. grant sits there at the desk for a few minutes stirring his food with a spoon idly, not eating a bite.

it’s over. he knows it is. he came to that conclusion days ago. nothing could or should salvage this. but maybe he could have been nicer. he could have heard her out that time. she had been palatable. she could have meant well this time.

grant anxiously shrugs off the thoughts as a chill runs down his spine. his hand quivering, he finally takes a bite of food. a second later, the bedroom door across the hall slams shut.

[kleinewahines]

I started thinking (oh no) about Vi’s body count or relative lack thereof. That Vi is someone who pulls punches (quite literally sometimes). That you know Vi could kill a dude with an eraser and nearly killed a dude with a metal meal tray. Vi can kill a lot of people without breaking a sweat but they don’t. I know Vi sounds callous about the kid that Jayce kills. But that right there is compartmentalization. Vi has compartmentalized it. Mixed with being fed a steady diet of ‘you’re expendable, you’re invisible, no one will even notice you missing’ for years and years means you have to believe it’s told to everyone else like you, too or risk being even more fucked up. Though I do know that Vi will not truly hesitate to take someone out if it’s the only way. And they know how to rather efficiently. It’s part of what made them a threat to a grown man like Silco. I know I can write Vi as being a tad more ruthless but it’s not often. 

“You didn’t have a choice. He knew what he was signing up for.”  And yet. Did he, Vi? Did that kid REALLY know, Vi? Did YOU know? You were a kid just like him. And you had to grow up way too fucking fast and put your life on the line to make things better for a world that didn’t give a shit. 

“There's hundreds more where he came from, thanks to Silco, and thanks to people like you who stuck their heads in the dirt.”

But that is what they were there to stop. And if Vi didn’t know it damn well before, they know it now that sometimes shit just ain’t fair and the universe doesn’t care about some kid in the Undercity. But Vi is going to try to change things anyway or else it will eat her the fuck alive. Whether she tries or not she’ll wind up dead eventually. Better to die having tried to fix things. As an act of penance, maybe, but that is neither here nor there. 

Jonny Lee Miller’s Sherlock said: “The things that I do, the things that you care about, um... you think that I do them because I'm a good person. I do them because it would hurt too much not to.” Vi, understandably, is a person who absolutely believes this about themself and could easily say similar to Caitlyn. Has had years in prison to think about why they do what they do. And absolutely believes they are NOT a good person. Not after what they did to Jinx. Despite the fact Vi has only been trying to fix things their entire fucking life. And yet. It would hurt too much not to go after Silco. Would hurt too much not to help Caitlyn. 

Because it hurt way too much to be unable to do ANYTHING of their own free will for 7 years except, clearly, things that actually do physically hurt such as punching fucking concrete (or at least the Runeterra version of it). Or getting into fight after fight, sent to solitary over and over it may as well be Vi’s permanent cell. Which we’ll have to talk later abt the sheer amount of fortitude Vi displays in order to survive being sent to solitary so much. 

[witchofthescions]

It wasn't hard to find the knights in question. They weren't a common sight around the Brume to begin with, and it was hard not to notice the dark-clad, lifeless body slung over their shoulder. The knight carrying the body unceremoniously dumped it on the landing, near the wall. Too lazy to bother carrying the poor soul down all the way to the bottom.

"That's more than far enough for charity. They'll take care of the rest." The knight turned and glanced over their shoulder, spotting Ernastral's approach. "...And mayhap sooner rather than later. Come on."

The two knights made their exit, not even paying Erna another moment's thought. Their callous disregard for the fallen man did bother her, but not enough to bother calling them out. What point would there be, anyway?

Chasing such thoughts away, she knelt down before the body. She took a moment to say a prayer for the departed. Looking over the body, the first thing she noticed was the armor. Clad head to toe in all-concealing armor, she couldn't quite tell if this was once a young man or a young woman. Judging by the height, at least, they definitely weren't a Roegadyn like her, or a Lalafell. No horns, no pointed or catlike ears. So odds were this was once a Hyur.

Her gaze fell to the ground near the body, where a crystal lay. Much to Erna's surprise, she realized she recognized it: it was the same sort of soul crystal as the one Gohnoh'a had. It was a jagged, deep red color, emblazoned with a stylized symbol based on the greatsword he carried.

Sense and logic dictated that she should leave this alone. Curiosity, however, dictated that she should take a closer look. The moment her hand touched the stone it reacted. Dark mists raced up her arm and enveloped her. A familiar pain shot through her skull; like an Echo vision, except when her vision faded, no images came to her mind's eye. Only a voice echoed across the void.

...Is this it? Is this all that awaits? Enough of this... Open your eyes. Look. Do you see now? Do you see?

Ernastral... Ernastral!

When Ernastral came to, she found the corpse standing up and staring down at her, looking about as lively as any other living being.

"I've been waiting for you to open your eyes," the corpse remarked in a voice she couldn't quite place. "You all right? You were moaning in your sleep and sweating buckets besides."

Erna blinked, the last of the headache slowly fading away. It was... surreal, to say the least, seeing what was once a corpse suddenly up and about and talking, of all things.

"Name's Fray, by the way," Fray said in a nonchalant tone. "And no, I'm not a heretic. Try convincing a Temple Knight drunk on authority of that, eh? Shame the pompous arse got the better of me. But how about you? You touched it, yes? That couldn't have felt good."

"...I heard a voice, I think," Erna said, still unsure what to make of anything going on. "Sounded more than a little bothered about... somethin'."

"A voice, eh? And a rather distressed one besides..."

Before Fray could continue that thought, another voice rang out across the Brume. "Please, someone─anyone!"

Erna leapt to her feet, taking a step towards the origin of the voice, only for Fray to block her way with a large sword.

"Not so fast. We need to talk about what's happening to you─what's growing within you, before you get carried away." Erna frowned slightly, but declined to interrupt. "There's a darkness within us all─nothing dangerous, mind. In fact, it's quite healthy. But the crystal changes you─gives you the power to channel it. Do it without proper training, however, and... well..."

Fray's golden eyes flashed red. "It might hurt."

"So go ahead─ask me to teach you. Ask me to instruct you in the ways of the dark knights, and I will."

Erna's gaze drifted towards the direction of the screaming voice. "I know you're still worried about that screaming woman, so I'll keep this brief. We dark knights don't care one whit for prestige or pedigree. We are free to follow our hearts─to defend the weak and punish the guilty as we see fit. The law of the land? The authority of a name? These are tools cowards use to escape harm. We have no need of shields, figurative or literal."

Fray turned the blade around, holding it out to Ernastral pommel first. "Here─my blade is your blade, my soul crystal your crystal. Go on, take them. You'll need them soon enough."

[deepdarkdelights]

Solar Eclipse (Hoseok x Reader)

Pairing: Hoseok x Reader

Word Count: 16.9k

Warnings: 18+, Yandere, Stalking, Obsession, Forced Relationships, Fear, Panic/Anxiety, Devious Intentions, Talks about Mental Health, Mentions of Suicide, Dub Con, Forced Implants, Death, The Afterlife, Heights, Jumping from Heights

I do not condone the acts displayed in this story nor do I believe any members of BTS would actually engage in this type of behavior. This is simply written for entertainment purposes and should not be taken as a reflection of my own values, opinions, or morals. 

Preview:  His smile drifted away, it was like watching the moon slip over the sun into a solar eclipse. The Hoseok you were left with was one that had a cold, stricken expression that bled disbelief.

This look on his face, although more genuine than anything else you had seen, was capable of sending your entire body into a panicked frenzy. Something in the back of your mind was telling you, no, begging you to run. The instincts that had been fostered in you from generations before were telling you this man was dangerous, and you were better off fleeing than sticking around to see what would happen. 

“I dare you, say that to me one more time baby and you won’t like what happens next.”

A/N: This was supposed to be 10k...how did we get here. This story was heavily inspired by Beautiful Accident and Wonderful Nightmare! Both amazing movies I recommend that never fail to get me in my feels. I hope you enjoy this wild ride! See you in the comments! 💜💜💜

Your hands were hurting again.

The light from your computer screen was blaringly bright, causing you to momentarily cease your endless scrolling and remove your glasses from the bridge of your nose. You pressed your cool fingers against the warm flesh of your eyelids and tilted your head back against your seat, giving yourself a moment to relax. 

The once cacophonous tapping of another keyboard suddenly halted as your assistant leaned forward in her seat, sliding her laptop shut. 

“You okay, boss?” She asked, her brows pinched together in concern. “Is it a migraine again?”

You exhaled deeply through your nose as you flexed your fingers in an attempt to dispel the ache from them. You were far too young to already be experiencing so many aches and pains. 

“No, I’m just tired.” You admitted as you folded your glasses up and pushed them aside. 

“That’s because you work too much, honestly do you ever sleep? When was the last time you went home?” She chuckled in amusement.

“Ha ha ha, very funny. I’ll have you know I’m faithful to my sleep number, I come home to him every night.” 

“Him? You refer to your mattress as him? Somebody hasn’t gotten laid in a while.” She snorted. 

“I could have you fired for that, that’s sexual harassment you know.” You shot back, amused yet annoyed she had hit a little too close to home. 

“Please, you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if you fired me.” She laughed, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

Before you could shoot back your response, an abrupt knock on the door stopped the both of you in your tracks. Without saying anything, she rose from her seat and began to cross the room. Knowing she would be able to handle it for you, you reclined deeper into your office chair and slipped your phone out of your desk drawer to sort through your endless amount of notifications. 

You didn’t look up as you heard the door click shut, two sets of footsteps approaching your mahogany desk. 

You could hear somebody clear their throat, their breaths coming out rapidly as if they were anxious. “Y-your coffee, miss.”

Without looking up you merely held out your hand, the warm cup slotting itself into your waiting fingers. You mumbled out a rough thanks as you continued to scroll through your phone, rolling your eyes at the amount of missed calls you had from your mother who, despite knowing your work schedule, persisted in calling you during your office hours. 

You could faintly hear your assistant walking the man to the door, whispering a soft, “Thank you, sweetie,” as the door clicked shut. 

“Really?!” She hissed, once she was sure the man was gone. “You didn’t even look at him!”

“Who? The coffee boy? I didn’t think it mattered.” You said with a shrug, taking a sip from your coffee.

“That wasn’t a coffee boy! That was your intern, jackass!”

“He’s just an intern, Jenny, he won’t be here for long. None of them last around here anyways.” 

Jenny sighed, flopping down into the seat across from you with a pout. “The poor thing was so nervous, you really should be nicer to him. He has such a sweet smile…”

“Oh no, don’t you start one of your schemes again. I don’t have time for men and the last thing I need is for you to start playing cupid. And didn’t I tell you to stop hiring people just because they're attractive?”

“Sweetie, I don’t know if you’re aware, but you're not as young as you think you are. When are you going to settle down, huh? Find a husband, have some cute kids for me to dote on.” 

“Jesus, you’re starting to sound like my mother. I don’t have the time for marriage or for kids, not when I’m busy with this place.” You replied with a stiff tone, this was not the first time the two of you had this conversation. 

“I’m just saying you’re hot, rich, and a CEO, you could literally have any man you want.” She pointed out, the tips of her fingers pressing together in the shape of an arrow. 

“You literally just called me a Sugar Momma.” 

“I mean, they do have websites if you're interested…”

“Okay, you win, I’m leaving early. I can’t deal with your obnoxious ass anymore.” You said, standing up so quickly your chair shot back and turned on its wheels. 

“Jenny: 72, You: None.” Your assistant laughed, adding a point to her imaginary scoreboard.

“I was going to say call me if you need anything, but please don’t.” You chuckled, grabbing your blazer from the coat rack and sliding it around your shoulders before picking up your purse. 

“Don’t worry boss, I’ll hold down the fort.” She said, giving you a quick salute as she stood and began to gather her things. “Don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.”

You pressed your lips together tightly in an attempt to hide the hint of a smile on your mouth as she exited your office. She was the only person you talked to like that, you were a rather antisocial boss. You tended to come off as cold and callous to your employees, but in reality you just really didn’t like talking to others when it wasn’t necessary. It had taken four years for you and Jenny to become as close as you did, in fact she was the only person you could truly call your friend. 

You had grown up in an isolated world, one filled with tutors and home schooling as you were groomed to take over one of the branches of your family's business. You had siblings, but you rarely ever saw them. They too were consumed by their work and their families, in fact you were the youngest of them and couldn’t remember a time where all of you lived together in one household. There were four of you in total, you only saw each other at holidays and your parents annual Christmas gala. You were by no means close.

You had grown comfortable being alone and frigid. It was safe and it was efficient. 

Your entire life had been one of isolation, the only amount of warmth bleeding into the bleak monotone schemes of your world was Jenny. And the amount you had let in was minimal. 

It was better being alone, you told yourself. 

You adjusted your purse on your shoulder as your office door swung shut behind you. The building was still fairly active, everyone was in a rush to complete their work before the sun completely dipped below the horizon. That was something you enjoyed about your building. The walls were littered with floor to ceiling windows allowing the ochre tones of sunlight to bleed into the bright white and concrete interior, soft dappled light dancing over hard edges. 

You paused for a moment by the windows, your eyes fluttering shut as you felt the warmth of the sun caress your face, its fleeting light still permeable through your closed eyelids creating a golden halo in your vision. You gave yourself two breaths worth of silence and stillness before your eyes snapped open once more and you hastily made your way to the elevator that would send you to your floor of the parking garage. 

You waited patiently for the elevator, one of your legs extended in front of you as you rolled your foot from side to side on the precarious talon of your red bottom heels. Once you heard the doors sliding open and the familiar ding of the elevator you raised your chin slowly, your eyes half lidded in boredom as you met the expressions of your employees. There were two of them inside the metal contraption, their eyes wide in alarm at the sight of you. You tilted your head slightly to the side, and like you had cracked a whip they scuttled out of the elevator and hurried past you without a word. 

You huffed in annoyance to yourself as you headed inside, you had no idea what their problem was and you pondered if there was any reason to write them up for their bizarre behavior. Perhaps not. 

The elevator hummed as it steadily dropped floors, the soft music effectively worsening your mood. You hated elevator music. 

As soon as the doors slid open you jetted out of them, your heels tapping noisily in the quiet garage. You slid your bag from your shoulder and busied yourself by trying to find your keys. You hissed to yourself as you tripped and almost went flying, multitasking and heels did not go together. You stopped for a moment, opening your bag wider as you tried to find the little ring of keys buried in the depths of your purse. 

The second your fingers brushed the cool metal you released an annoyed breath, throwing your purse back over your shoulder as you flicked through your key ring, grasping the fob that went to your car.

Despite having what you had previously been looking for, you did not move. Instead, you looked around warily, pivoting on your heels as you scanned the area around you.

You could have sworn you heard footsteps.

You waited silently for a few more moments, listening for signs that another person was there with you. 

You heard no other breaths, nor the sounds of approaching or retreating footsteps.

You weren’t going to wait around any longer just to find out you were wrong. 

You swiftly made your way to your VIP parking spot, unlocked the doors, and threw yourself into the car while making sure to lock the doors as soon as you were seated. 

Your mother had begged you for months to get a bodyguard. You were a young woman with lots of money and the heir to a massive enterprise. You should not be walking around as if you were a normal person. It was only now that you were beginning to think that your mother was right. 

Not wanting to dwell on dark thoughts any longer, you pushed your key into the ignition, and peeled out of the parking garage a little faster than normal. 

As your anxiety slowly drained from your body, you began to feel the effects of lack of sleep. Jenny was not wrong, you were considering the fact that maybe you had a touch of insomnia. Either that or you were simply a workaholic. Honestly, it could be both. 

You switched the radio on, picking a classic rock station and dialing the volume up to the point you could feel your leather seats vibrating beneath you with each clash of the drums emanating from the speakers. 

But even that was just barely doing its job. Your eyes were still stinging like they had been moments before at your desk. You were undeniably as exhausted as you were a safety hazard. You clenched the steering wheel harder, the flesh of your skin pulling tightly over your knuckles as you attempted to stay awake. It wasn’t that far of a ride, you could make it home. 

But that thought didn’t stop your eyelids from drooping shut, it was nearly impossible to keep them open, they were so heavy you were struggling to reopen them every time you blinked. 

Your eyes stayed closed much longer now than they had before, and upon opening them again a scream of shock bubbled up your throat. 

A flash of black fur shot across your narrow vision as you frantically spun the steering wheel and slammed on your breaks. A band of horns beeped behind and beside you as you swerved dramatically into the next lane.

Your car had been mere inches from swerving right in front of an eighteen wheeler. 

Your hand fluttered frantically against your chest, your heart pounding back against it in shock. 

You had almost died. 

You gathered yourself up before stomping down on the accelerator and speeding away, dodging the massive vehicle you had almost hit in the opposite lane. The shock of adrenaline you were experiencing from that frightening event was more than enough to keep you awake now. You only had one goal in mind and that was to make it home in one piece. 

The minute you slid back into your regular parking spot you allowed yourself to slump back into the driver's seat, blinking wildly as you recalled the sight of the headlights and the cacophony of car horns from moments prior. You really need to get your shit together. 

~~~~~~~

By the time you made it up to your apartment the exhaustion had returned full force. You toed off your shoes tiredly, stumbling over them with an annoyed grunt as you threw your purse down to the floor. You could really do without your sudden lack of coordination. 

Far too tired to even care, you immediately began stripping your clothes off at the front door. You carelessly threw your blazer aside and shimmied off your skirt as you began to walk, leaving a trail of clothes behind you as you headed for your bedroom. The housekeeper would deal with it in the morning anyways, it didn’t matter where they ended up. 

Your pajamas from the previous night were waiting for you at the foot of your bed, folded up into a neat little pile contrasting greatly from your current care for your clothing. You happily sighed as you pulled the creamy, cashmere sweater over your head and stepped into a pair of silk sleep shorts. This was what you had been waiting for all day. 

That, and the bottle of Cheval Blanc tucked away in your liquor cabinet. 

You ran your fingers through your hair tiredly as you made your way to the kitchen, the sound of your bare feet patting against the floor echoed down the long, empty hallway. 

You wasted no time, eagerly pulling open your cabinet and retrieving the expensive bottle of wine along with a crystal glass. You eased the cork free from the bottle, allowing it to roll over your granite counter as you poured the wine into your glass, the liquor bubbling as you filled it to the very top. You were a guilty self medicator, that was for damn sure. 

You hurried back into your living room, wine glass in one hand and a small tray of macarons in the other. There was one thing you were certain of, you were definitely going to drink your fatigue away and indulge in your favorite cookies until you passed out on your couch. You deserved it, after all you were a CEO, an overworked one at that. 

So, there you sat, taking languid sips from your glass and delicate bites from your cookies as you began to catch up on a show you hadn’t had the time to watch in weeks. It was incredibly relaxing, the soft hum of the TV, the feeling of your favorite blanket wrapped around your bare legs, and the soft tapping of rain against your windows. You were set on not moving for the rest of the night. That was of course, until you had to pee.

You groaned in frustration at the thought of having to move, but the call of nature was much stronger than your will to remain sedentary. You leaned forward, setting your food and drink on the coffee table before you violently kicked your legs, fighting your blanket as you attempted to untangle yourself from it. 

The second your toes touched the lush carpet beneath you, a shock of lightning suddenly splintered it’s way through the sky, shards of light refracting through your windows and lighting up the dim room. The soft rumble of thunder followed soon after. 

You froze at the sight, the light rain still tapped against your windows, a dull contrast to the sudden shock of light you had witnessed.

But, what was even more unexpected, was the sight of dark fur and glowing jade eyes staring back at you. There was a cat sitting on your balcony. That should have been impossible, there was no possible way that cat could have made its way there, your building was pet free. 

The sight of its slick coat of black fur tugged at your heart strings. He must be so cold, stuck out in the rain like that. In fact, he looked almost exactly like your childhood cat you had loved to dearly growing up. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to let him in, let him get dry and warm and fill his belly. 

With a new goal in mind you carefully made your way to your sliding glass door, not wanting to spook him too badly lest he jump. The drop would not be a survivable one. 

Despite your valiant efforts, the minute the door clicked and slid open he jumped up onto the fencing and rails that surrounded your balcony. 

“Hey, no, no, no, just stay right there, kitty.” You cooed gently, taking slow and careful steps in his direction. 

The cat fixed you with a penetrating gaze, his bright jade eyes trained on you, watching every step you made as his tail flicked from side to side behind him. 

“That’s a good boy, just stay right there.” You hummed, your hands held up in a show of no malintent as you carefully approached him. “Come on, I just want to help you.”

Just as you were within grabbing reach, your fingers mere inches from touching his silken fur, he lept away, settling on the ledge against the building. He was dangerously close to falling off, the distance from the ledge to the ground far enough to make your toes and fingers tingle. 

“Fuck.” You hissed. 

The cat remained there, his gaze still trained on you. Those bright eyes seemed to be beckoning for you to come and join him, to meet him up on the ledge. 

You quickly shook out your hands and feet as you stared back, your vision tunneling in on him. You could feel the cold air nipping at your bare flesh, goosebumps raising on the skin of your thighs. You could do it. 

You wiped your palms against the fabric of your shorts before grasping the metal railing and carefully lowering yourself over to the other side. You could feel the wind stronger now as it swirled around you, a flash of light overtaking the sky once more as a steady rumble of thunder bounced off of the surrounding buildings. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” You mumbled to yourself, taking in a sharp breath through your nose as you attempted to calm yourself. Just don’t look down, for the love of all that is holy do not look down.

You steadily rose up on to your toes, shimming your way over as you held on tightly to the railing. The sliver of stone beneath your toes was slick from rainfall, as was the metal of the railing beneath your tense fingers. The closer you got to the cat, the further away it seemed to be, either that was the truth or the reality of how high up you were was messing with your head.

The thought you had from earlier suddenly came rushing back to you, the drop wouldn’t be survivable. What a sobering thought. 

You had come to a point now where you wouldn’t be able to hold onto the railing anymore, not if you needed to be able to reach the cat. So, with a shaky breath you released your grip from the railing one hand at a time and quickly latched onto the stone architecture surrounding the windows. The only thing keeping you from falling was the tiny inches of stone beneath your arched feet, and the architecture you were desperately clinging to. 

You slowly turned your head, your gaze meeting the cat’s once more. It’s eyes were almost mesmerizing, there was something about it that was telling you that you needed to get him, that you just needed to pick him up and stay with him. You had no choice but to retrieve him, you felt like you would die if you had to leave him all alone on this ledge. His eyes were drawing you in, causing you to spiral downwards into their hypnotic depths. You needed him. 

He was not moving anymore, he was settled down on his back legs, his tail flicking out dangerously over the edge of the building. You were certain that you could reach him if you tried. 

You slowly lowered yourself into a crouch, releasing your one hand from the side of the building as you reached out, the other hand still holding onto the stone of the window. You leaned forward as calmly as you could, your arm burning from the stretch as you slid over slightly to grab the cat. 

This time the cat did not move away, it remained still, waiting for your touch. 

Both of your arms were completely spread out, your fingers just barely holding onto the building as you finally made it within grabbing distance. And then, it all fell apart.

As soon as your fingers brushed his midnight fur, he jerked away from your touch causing your feet to slip out from underneath you, and your weak hold to completely detach from the wall. 

And then you were falling.

A violent scream ripped its way free from your throat as you went airborne, the last thing you could see was the penetrating emerald glare of the midnight black cat as you plummeted towards the ground. 

No one would know that you had never intended to end your life when you stepped out onto that ledge.

Unwillingly, you had. 

~~~~~~~

You never felt the impact of the ground, and when you opened your eyes you did not find your body mangled or feel any pain. In fact you were no longer even in the city. 

You were already standing, and you were all alone. You turned frantically, spinning as you tried to find out where you were. There was nothing all around you, just cloudy skies, stretching fields of tall grass, old dilapidated fences, and a dusty road of dirt and rocks beneath your feet.

And then of course, there was the bus stop sign beside you. 

You approached the sign in curiosity. The closer you got the more you noticed how strange everything was. Despite there being stones beneath your feet you didn’t feel pain, and the environment wasn’t cold or hot, it was just neutral. And, it was extremely silent. Not a gust of wind blew, no crickets hummed, and there wasn’t a single chirp from a songbird. There was nothing. 

You leaned your upper body forward, looking from side to side for any signs of life. Both ways you could barely see anything, the field seemed to disappear into thick clouds of fog that were impermeable to your sight. 

You decided in that moment you were better off looking for signs of life than you were waiting for them to come find you. But, to your surprise, the second your foot touched down onto the dirt road a bus came rumbling down the road and screeched to a stop in front of you. 

The doors slid open and light flooded the space around you. You squinted as your eyes adjusted to the exposure, your hand creating a visor on your forehead. 

“You getting on or what?” A voice called from inside the bus. 

“Me?” You asked pointing to yourself.

“Of course you, does it look like I’m talking to anyone else?” The voice huffed in annoyance. “I’m already running late. I'd prefer if you didn’t hold us up any longer.”

“Running late?” You whispered to yourself. “And where will you be taking me?” 

There was silence for a moment and then suddenly a raucous laughter that made you jump. “Where am I taking you?! That’s a good one. Come on, let's go.”

You blinked slowly in irritation, the last thing you needed was to be laughed at and dismissed like a child when you had serious questions that you needed answered. 

“Come on newbie! Today!” He yelled, causing you to jump in fright before scurrying onto the bus. 

Upon entering you were met face to face with the bus driver. He had fair skin and pitch black hair with an amused, gummy smile on his face. Apparently, he thought you were hilarious. He said nothing to you this time, he just merely jerked his head in the direction behind him, signaling for you to find a seat. 

Once you turned to face the passengers of the bus you realized it was far longer than it appeared from the outside, in fact it looked like it stretched farther beyond what you could see with copious amounts of passengers. 

The passengers themselves were of all sizes, races, and ages. You could see mothers holding infants and elderly couples cuddled up to one another. Some people seemed to know one another, others looked sad and lonely like the little boy a few seats back. 

You were incredibly confused. 

Unsure as to where you should sit, you finally decided on sitting next to the little boy. 

The second you sat down, you felt his gaze train on you and his little body shift closer to you. 

“Hi,” He whispered, his fingers curling around the fabric of your cashmere sweater and tugging, “My name is Minho.”

You have him a soft smile in return with a gentle whisper of your name. 

“Where’s your mommy, Minho?” You asked, curious as to why this little boy was all alone. 

“I’m going to meet her now.” He replied, with an excited smile, his legs kicking out energetically before he suddenly calmed down. “I wish daddy came with me.”

“Why didn’t your daddy come with you?” You asked, your eyebrows pinching together in confusion. 

“He said I had to go alone, he can’t come with me for a while. He said I’ll be happy with mommy, that I’ll feel better with her.” He said sadly, his lower lip pouting as he rubbed at his teary eyes. 

“You’ll feel better?”

“Mhm, I was sick for a long time. Daddy said it was time for me to see Mommy, he told me it was okay to go to sleep.”

Oh, oh no. Everything was suddenly starting to make sense. You quickly looked over your shoulder and caught sight of the elderly couple you had seen earlier. 

“Hey! You two! What were you doing before you got here?!”

The older man looked up at you with a kind smile as he continued to rub his wife’s shoulder. “We were driving down to visit our son, he was never too good about coming up to see us. Some bad weather hit, we couldn’t see out of the windshield very well. Next thing you know we’re rolling over the guard rail and down the side of the hill!”

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

“You! Where were you?!” You yelled at the woman seated across from you. 

“Hm? I went in for surgery, what’s it to you?” She asked with an annoyed grimace on her face. 

“What’s it to me?!” You echoed with a hysterical laugh. You were fucking dead that’s what it was! All of you were!

Your thoughts were racing a hundred miles a minute as you tried to gather yourself, your heart beating frantically as a sick feeling settled in your stomach. You needed to get off the bus, you needed to get far away from all of these people. 

Without thinking you lurched to your feet and gripped the cord above your window, yanking it harshly to signal the bus to stop. 

The bus halted immediately, sending you stumbling forward into the back of the driver’s seat. The bus driver met your panicked face through the reflection of the mirror, a curious light to his pitch black irises. 

“So, we’ve got a challenger? I knew you’d be a stubborn one.” He sighed, hitting the button that sent the doors swishing open. “The guy in charge is out there, you can voice your complaints to him.”

You were far too shocked to vocalize anything, your feet just blindly leading you to the doors. You stopped for a moment, looking over your shoulder to get one quick look at Minho. His little legs were still kicking out in front of him.

“Bye miss!” He called with a little wave and a smile, spurring you off the bus with a quick wave in his direction.

Upon stepping foot off of the bus, you were faced with a dimly lit four way intersection that looked like it had been abandoned for years. You quickly headed towards the center of the road as you caught sight of a tall man waiting for you. 

His face was relaxed, a neutral expression taking over his features. He was dressed fairly well for a man standing in the middle of nowhere. You took notice of his crisp three piece suit and the high shine of his shoes. He was obviously someone who was important, if the bus driver had indicated anything by his statements.  

You didn’t waste any time to hurl your questions at him. “I’m dead aren’t I?! Who are you?! What is this place?!”

“Relax.” He commanded, his voice immediately sending a wave of calmness crashing down over you. 

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, before reopening them and waiting in silence for his response. 

“My name is Namjoon, this is the crossroads.” He said, gesturing to the four intersecting roads surrounding you. 

“That is Life,” He said, pointing to the road behind you, “That is Punishment,” the road to his right, “That is Reward,” the road behind him, “And that is Retrial.” The road to his left. 

“Right, that’s fantastic, how do I go back down that road.” You blurted out, pointing to the road behind you.

“Normally, you don’t. But luckily for you, or not so luckily, there was an error made.”

“An error?” You asked. 

“Yes, one of our reapers made a mistake. You aren’t scheduled for processing for quite some time, someone by the same name, sixty years of age, was scheduled for processing today.”

A reaper? What reaper? You hadn’t exactly seen the classic skeletal face cloaked all in black with a scythe in hand had you? Your face screwed up in irritation as you flicked backwards through your memories from earlier that day, trying to remember if you had seen anything that remotely resembled a reaper. 

And then it hit you. 

“That fucking cat!” You screeched, spinning around as you dramatically yelled into the void around you. 

Namjoon winced his posture slightly wilting at your realization. “Yes, that was one of our newer reapers, Taehyung.”

“What kind of operation are you running here? Do I look like I’m sixty years old to you?” You yelled, the panic quelling up in your chest. “You’re going to fix this aren’t you?!”

“Of course! I take my job very seriously!” He shot back. “The only issue is, I can’t send you back to your life just yet.”

“And why not?!”

“Time is a very sensitive and precious thing, as a woman of business I am sure you understand. The other woman still needs to pass and be processed, the events that lead to her demise must be tailored perfectly and set up with the correct timing. Only then can you return, once she is passed with the correct timing the two of you will switch. You can live again and she can be sent down the proper road.” 

“And how long will that take?”

“A few weeks.” He replied vaguely, his body tensed as he waited for your response.

“Weeks?! And what will I do during that time? Do you expect me to follow you around everywhere?”

“Thankfully, no. In the time being, I will have to put you somewhere else, some other place and time. Are you willing to do that?”

“Yes, I’m more than willing. As long as I get my old life back, I don’t care what it takes. Just make it happen.”

“You will, in due time. But listen to me very carefully, you have to follow every aspect of this other life perfectly. You cannot act out of character, you have to act exactly as everyone expects you to. You cannot have contact with anyone from your previous life as well. Understand? If you can’t do that, then you can’t go back.”

You swallowed harshly, a sense of anxiety creeping up inside of you. You had no choice but to accept, your life and had been wrongfully ended far too soon. If that meant doing whatever Namjoon asked of you, you would do it. 

You gave him a swift nod, your hand clenching up into fists.

“Perfect, I’ll have Taehyung escort you down that way.” Namjoon replied, pointing down at the road to his left, Retrial.

Upon hearing his name, Taehyung appeared. He was tall, with honey skin, midnight black curly hair, and bright green eyes. 

The fucking cat. 

Taehyung met you with a sheepish grin and an embarrassed wave, hesitantly coming to your side. He looked nothing like the reaper you had been anticipating. If anything he was a sad excuse for a reaper with the bashful attitude he was presenting you with. 

“Did you really have to use the appearance of my childhood pet to kill me?” You asked, your voice dripping with venom as you crossed your arms over your chest, your bare foot tapping in annoyance. You weren’t exactly the picture of intimidation you normally were.

“I’m sorry.” He replied softly, bowing his head forward in an apologetic manner still refusing to meet your burning gaze.

“I’ll be checking in with you every now and then, please, try to play along with this life.” Namjoon begged, a serious expression evident on his face. Not only did he appear serious, but you could tell he  was also stressed. The fuck up Taehyung had made was evidently a big one. 

“I’ll try my best.” You replied, you knew you had to, or else there was no going back. 

Namjoon gave Taehyung a quick nod, and with that gesture Taehyung grabbed hold of your hand and began to lead you down Retrial. From your perspective, each road was identical, this one too was dusty and littered with stones leading into a seemingly never ending fog. 

The reaper beside you was quiet, his gaze pinned ahead as he focused on his task, leading you down the path of Retrial. 

If only you had known how much of a trial this life truly would be. 

~~~~~~~

You were boiling hot. 

You could feel a mattress beneath your back, one that was far softer than you normally liked. Your body was swaddled with thick blankets and sheets that were sticking to your sweaty skin. You groaned in irritation at the feeling and attempted to bat away the blanket and turn onto your side. 

A sudden grunt behind you had your heart stuttering to a stop, your entire body frozen as you came to the realization that that was not a blanket you had just smacked, but somebody's arm wrapped around your waist. 

Slowly, you turned onto your side to see who was in your bed. The moment you flipped your body over you were met with deep brown eyes that were just barely open and the sight of a lazy smile as your body was suddenly dragged forward and pressed tightly against the strangers. 

A sharp scream bubbled up past your lips as you threw yourself backwards, smacking the man’s hand away from your body as you fumbled out of the bed. In your haste your foot was caught in the mess of blankets, sending you tumbling backwards off of the bed, spurring another cry from your mouth. 

“Baby?” A voice called, it was raspy and deep from just waking and wrought with concern. 

You quickly yanked the sheets off of your sprawled out form and ushered yourself to stand on shaky legs. The man in the bed was propped up on one elbow, the sheet slipping down off of his chest to settle and pool at his waist. He was absolutely shirtless, revealing a stretch of honey skin and a toned abdomen. 

Holy shit, what the fuck was going on?

“Baby, what’s wrong?” He asked you again, this time he appeared to be more alert, all signs of sleepiness dissipating from his body. 

Worried from your lack of response, he rushed to stand up, the blankets falling away to reveal he was clad in boxers. 

What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck? It had to be illegal to have thighs like that, right?

“Stay right there!” You yelled, throwing your hand up in fear as he ignored your command and quickly began to approach you. The closer he got the more steps you took backwards, tripping over stray clothes on the floor until the wall at your back stopped you from retreating any further. 

The man, clearly ignoring your pleas to be left alone, walked right up to you. He was so close that his bare chest was pressed up against you effectively sandwiching you between him and the wall as heat flooded your cheeks. His hands fluttered around you worriedly, checking you for any signs of injury before he rested his hand on your forehead checking for a temperature. 

“Are you sick, hunny? You’re acting...off?” He asked, petting your hair in anxiety as he tried to meet your gaze. 

“Don’t touch me.” You finally said, brushing his hands off of you once more as you attempted to slip away from him. 

“Why are you acting like this?” He asked, obviously confused before a sudden smile overtook his features. He had a sweet smile, one that made his entire face light up in joy. “It reminds me how you used to act around me all those years ago. Are you trying to get me going this early? We really shouldn’t, you know, I have to be at work soon.”

Holy fuck, what kind of person are you now? 

The man in front of you pulled you out of your stupor at the feeling of his hand on your jaw as he leaned down to your height. 

Realizing what his intentions were, you let out another scream of fright and shoved him away, darting for the bedroom door. As soon as your hand gripped the doorknob you ripped the door open and slammed it shut behind you. 

You leaned your head back against the wall as you rested, you hand over your heart, taking shallow breaths as you attempted to collect yourself. 

That didn’t exactly go as planned.

With your eyes closed you didn’t see the incoming form running up to you until it collided with your legs, winding around you tightly in excitement. 

“Mommy!” A little voice cried. 

Your eyes snapped open in surprise as you looked down at the little child wrapped around your legs. Despite his small and non threatening form, you couldn’t stop the scream of fright that escaped you as you unlatched him from your legs and raced to the first open door you saw, yanking it closed behind you and twisting the lock shut. 

You were in the bathroom. Finally, a place where you could gather yourself. You stood at the sink, resting your forearms on the counter and your head in your hands as you breathed in sharply through your nose. You needed to get your shit together and stop panicking. 

You couldn’t help but feel cheated, panicked, and pissed all at once. Not only had you died, made a deal with some crossroads entity, but now the life you had been plopped in for the time being was the complete opposite of your previous one and you had not a single clue as to how to navigate it. 

You let out a few more huffs before standing back up and raking your fingers through your hair. A sudden sparkle of light caught your attention, causing you to pull your left hand free from your hair. There was an engagement ring and a wedding band on your left ring finger. You hissed at the sight of it, your entire body shuddering. 

You were married and a mother. 

“Are you fucking serious, Namjoon?!” You whispered to yourself in the bathroom, knocking your head back against the wall three times in frustration. Jenny would be having a field day if she knew about this. 

Jenny. 

You wondered what her reaction was, when she heard that you had flung yourself from your balcony. You wondered if she blamed herself for sending you home early even though it wasn’t her fault. You wished you could tell her you hadn’t done that to yourself, that it wasn’t her fault. You just hoped that she was okay and that she wasn’t crying over you. 

You could get through this, you had no other choice. It was time to get your shit together. 

You straightened your spine and shook out your hands with a deep breath before you unlocked the door and swung it open. Standing outside the door was your “son.” He was practically the spitting image of your “husband” who had yet to leave the bedroom. He was staring up at you, with big brown eyes, as he raised his arms up and clenched his hands in a grabbing motion. 

You knew what that meant. You plastered on a forced smile as you bent down and picked up the small boy before settling him on your hip. He easily nestled his head into the crook of your neck, his eyes fluttering shut as he basked in your warmth. 

At least he was cute, you could manage that.  

You curled your arm securely around his back as you walked into the kitchen, your bare feet padded dully against the cool tile of the floor. 

“Are you hungry?” You softly asked the little boy. You could feel him nod into your shoulder slowly, his fingers curling around the collar of your sleep shirt. 

You carefully unhooked him from your clothes and gently set him down in one of the chairs at the kitchen table. He whined in refusal, reaching out for you once more before becoming distracted by a coloring book that had been left at the table. 

Unsure as to what exactly you should make for the young boy, you searched the kitchen cabinets before settling on toast. Simple and easy. As the bread sat toasting, you decided to investigate the new environment you had been put in. 

You could tell you were still in the city, just a different section of it. You could see the towering skyscrapers through the windows of the apartment. This apartment was definitely not your own. For one, it was much smaller with a completely different layout. And, it looked to be in disorder with toys scattered everywhere in the living space. It certainly was not to your standards, but you could manage it for a few weeks as Namjoon had instructed. All you had to do was follow this life perfectly, and it couldn’t be that hard. Right?

You pulled yourself away from the windows, the drop off sending a familiar shiver down your spine, and rushed back into the kitchen to finish up the breakfast for the boy coloring away furiously at his book. 

Once you had the plate situated in front of him, you caught sight of a wallet on the opposite side of the table. Without hesitation you rounded the table and snatched it up, rifling through the items inside until you caught sight of what you were looking for. An ID. 

“Jung Hoseok.” You mumbled, the name tingling on your lips and echoing in your mind. So, this was your temporary husband. 

“What are you doing?” A voice asked from behind you causing you to jump in fright. 

You pivoted on your heels to face the man, your husband, Hoseok. Despite the fear his voice evoked in your body, he was presenting you with a blinding smile. One that sent chills throughout your body for reasons that were unknown to you. 

“Hoseok?” You said, although it sounded more like a question. 

“Hoseok?” He chuckled, “What did I do, am I in trouble? What happened to Hobi or hunny?” 

Well shit, you were already fucking things up weren’t you?

“You know if you need anything you can always ask me, baby. No need to go sneaking around.” He said, his smile still pinned to his cheeks as he struck you with a penetrating gaze.

He said nothing for a moment, he just stared at you with that smile in absolute silence. It was so quiet you could hear the blood pulsing through your ears and the soft ticking of the clock in the corner of the room as you tried to avoid his gaze. Despite the high position you once held in your previous life, you had never been very good with eye contact. He was really testing you today. 

He remained quiet as he grabbed the wallet from your hand and slipped it into his pants pocket before straightening his jacket out. 

“Jihoon, you’re going to be late for school. Go get ready.” Hoseok said, his voice and face still appearing cheerful as the little boy shuffled out of his chair and darted down the hallway to his bedroom. 

You didn’t know why, but you were struck with the feeling that something was very wrong here. 

You remained motionless as Hoseok raised his hand, cupping the side of your face rather gently, much softer than you originally expected. 

“You’ll be good for me while I’m gone, won’t you baby?” He whispered, his lips lightly brushing your cheekbone as his fingers gently swiped over the smooth skin of your cheek. 

You said nothing, you merely nodded in agreement so that he would finally release you and leave you alone to process what you had gotten yourself into. 

Without warning, he pressed his lips to your own in a hard kiss spurring a cry of surprise from you. You attempted to pull away from him only to find his hand at your back, keeping you pressed close to him as he sighed against your mouth, a shudder shaking through his body. His grip was becoming stronger, borderline bruising the more you squirmed against him as he tongue swiped over the flesh of your lower lip. 

“Ew! Daddy!” Jihoon yelled as he reentered the room, fully dressed for school with his little backpack slung over his small shoulders.

Hoseok pulled away from you with a laugh, allowing you to stumble away from your supposed husband, your hand cupping your mouth. You took back whatever you had thought about Jihoon before, he was your saving grace. 

“Sorry buddy, Daddy just loves Mommy so much!” Hoseok said, his voice full of glee as he gave his son a quick hug before standing up again. “I’ll see you after work.”

Hoseok headed to the door, stopping for a moment to look you over one last time. “I’ll be seeing you later as well.” He said with a wink before exiting the apartment.

Thank fuck he was gone. 

Jihoon quickly approached the now closed door, sliding his shoes on and reaching for the door knob. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” You asked as you watched the young boy open the door.

“School?” He asked slowly, his little brows furrowed in confusion. 

“By yourself? No, give me a minute to get dressed. I'll walk you to the bus.”

“Mommy, you can’t!” He cried, causing you to come to a stop. 

“I can’t? And why not?” 

“Because, you never do.” He replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

What kind of mother was this person? She didn’t even walk her own kid to the bus to make sure he didn’t get kidnapped? Jihoon was so young, he couldn’t have been older than six by the looks of him. He was practically still a baby. 

“Well I am now, wait right there Jihoon.”

You were still dressed in the baggy T-shirt you had woken in, the fabric rumpled and hanging loosely over your shoulders revealed a fraction of your collarbone. It didn’t take a genius to figure out this was Hoseok’s shirt. You hissed in annoyance and ripped the shirt from your body, filing it into a corner of the bedroom. 

The closet was filled to the brim with clothes, both yours and your “husband’s.” You swept the various suits and shirts aside until you stopped at your own clothes. You found it strange the amount of formal attire Hoseok possessed and your lack of it. Your side of the closet was filled with comfortable clothes, the only “formal” attire you owned was a wedding dress tucked all the way in the back of the closet and stored away in a plastic case. 

You sighed in frustration, settling on a pair of leggings and a large hoodie. One that was, presumably, your husbands as well. Did this woman have no desire to take pride in her appearance? Apparently not. 

“Come on, Jihoon!” You called with a clap of your hands as you made your way to the front door where he waited, his small hands wrapped around the straps of his backpack. 

Jihoon didn’t say anything in response, he merely held up his hand and slipped it into your own. He was a cute kid, a perfect reflection of Hoseok, but eerily enough you could see your own features reflected in him. 

You released a deep breath through your nose, pushing those thoughts to the back of your head. You needed to focus on getting him to school for now. 

The door clicked shut behind you as the two of you began making your way out of the building. The weather was still warm, not that much different from what it had been in your past life. It was nice, being able to take in the fresh air for a moment and be able to process what exactly you were going through. 

Jihoon had taken the initiative for the both of you, considering you had no idea where the bus picked him up for school everyday. His hand was still clutched in your own, his arm outstretched as he walked quickly in front of you. He was talking a million miles per minute, the most random things leaving his mouth. And, just when he was about to get to the point, he would find something new to distract himself. 

“Oh, Mommy! Look at that butterfly!” He was painfully cute. 

“Oh, it’s very...pretty.” You said, unsurely. At first glance, the creature was beautiful. It’s wings wide yet delicate, painted with bright colors like paint splatters on a fresh canvas. But, it had a large chunk missing from it’s right wing. The injured wing fluttered every now and then with the gentle breeze. The poor thing was trapped in the flower bed it was lying in, it would never be able to fly again. 

You were pulled from your reverie as Jihoon tugged on your arm sharply. He beckoned you to lower yourself down to his height. As soon as you had settled down on your haunches he threw himself against you in a tight hug, squeezing you twice for good measure. 

“Bye Mommy, I love you!” He yelled before pressing a kiss to your cheek and turning on his heels, darting towards the school bus. 

You stayed there for a moment, your hand frozen on the spot he had left a kiss. So, that was what it was like to have a family. To have someone love you. You had never had that before. 

You rose back up to your feet, taking a moment to gather yourself back up again. You could see there was a park nearby, and getting yourself over there seemed like a good enough idea. You didn’t want to go back to the apartment just yet, you still had no idea what you were supposed to do. You didn’t like the thought of just waiting at “home” for Jihoon, or worse, Hoseok to come back. 

Jihoon was easy, predictable. But Hoseok, he was uncharted territory. A raging sea you didn’t know how to navigate. 

Damn you and your incapability to foster stable relationships. 

It was only day one of this temporary life and you were completely out of your depth. A husband? A son? A stay at home mom? You had and were none of these things, but now you had every single one of them. Whether you wanted them or not. Namjoon gave you orders, and if you wanted to survive, you had no choice but to follow them. You had to play along.

You walked slowly, tiredly, through the park. The tips of your sneakers were dragging against the ground, kicking loose stones off to the side. A few weeks he had told you, just how long exactly was that? 

Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t hear the incoming footsteps approaching rapidly. It was the feeling of fingers gripping your shoulders and violently spinning you around that finally caught your attention, a cry of shock escaping you. 

“What are you doing?!” A voice cried, their hands shaking you to garner your attention. 

The sun that had blinded you finally lightened as it slipped behind a thick cover of clouds, disappearing out of sight. You could see now, and the man that was holding you so tightly was none other than Hoseok. 

“H-Hoseok?” You stuttered, your hands gripping his wrists as he ceased to lessen his hold on you. What was he doing here? He had left for work no longer than half an hour ago. 

“Did you hear me? I said, what are you doing?!”

“I’m going on a walk? I just dropped Jihoon off at the bus.” 

“You did what?!” He yelled, his face stricken with panic and a deep, hidden anger. His hold on you was only becoming stronger, near bruising as he shook you once more. 

“Hoseok! Stop it, you’re hurting me!” You yelled, taking a step back from him. 

That seemed to do the trick, his voice quieted and his hold became much lighter than before. What the fuck was wrong with him? Why was he acting like you had just committed a crime. 

His eyes slipped closed as he took a deep, calming breath, his shoulders rising and falling with the motion. “Baby, you don’t leave the apartment. You know this, we’ve been over this.”

“What?” You asked, utterly confused. 

This seemed to shock Hoseok, his brows raising and his eyes widening. The both of you were standing there, a gap between the two of you as you stared at one another with equal states of confusion. You not knowing what he meant, and him wondering if you were experiencing some sort of memory loss. 

“Come on, I’m taking you home, you need rest.” He finally said with a gentle smile, he was firmly set on the idea that you must be sick from how strange you were acting. 

You didn’t trust him or that fake smile he was giving you. Something was going on here, and it was terribly wrong.

“No.” You said firmly, taking a step backward when he tried to grab hold of you again. 

His smile drifted away, it was like watching the moon slip over the sun into a solar eclipse. The Hoseok you were left with was one that had a cold, stricken expression that bled disbelief. 

“What did you say?” He asked you, slowly. 

“I said, no.” You spat back, your voice sharp and firm despite the tingles of fear and anxiety creeping through every muscle in your body. 

This look on his face, although more genuine than anything else you had seen, was capable of sending your entire body into a panicked frenzy. Something in the back of your mind was telling you, no, begging you to run. The instincts that had been fostered in you from generations before were telling you this man was dangerous, and you were better off fleeing than sticking around to see what would happen. 

“I dare you, say that to me one more time baby and you won’t like what happens next.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Hoseok.”

That did it. As soon as he took one step in your direction, you spun around and booked it like a track star. You paid no mind to where you were going, not caring who you had to shove aside to clear a path for you to get away. You were trusting your gut, and it was screaming at you to get as far away as possible. You could hear Hoseok behind you, yelling your name and telling you to come back, but you paid him no mind. You just knew that this was your one and only chance to get away from him before you lost it. 

Everything he had said and done had raised red flags in your mind, the way he talked to you and touched you, it was all wrong. It was possessive and dark, whether he intended it to be or not. 

What husband doesn’t allow their wife to leave their home? What father lets their six year old child walk themselves to school? What caring man demands you obey his every will? There was something wrong. 

You couldn’t hear Hoseok behind you anymore, the crowd had thickened substantially the further away you got from the park and the deeper into the city you were. People were staring at you strangely as you shoved through the crowds, grunting in annoyance as you squeezed yourself through them. 

The crosswalk was fairly empty, you could make it through and keep going, you had no time to stop and question how far away Hoseok was. So, you broke through the final band of people and began to sprint through the road, despite the sudden cries and warnings that were being shouted behind you. 

Fuck, there was a reason the crosswalk was empty, wasn’t there?

You turned your head to the side as you ran, only to come face to face with an oncoming car, coming in so fast you knew it wouldn’t be able to stop. No matter what you did, it was going to hit you. You threw your arms up in front of your face, blinding yourself as you squeezed your eyes shut and prepared yourself for the impact.

But it never came. 

“Day one and you’re already fucking things up, aren’t you?” 

The sounds of the city had fallen silent, there were no more car horns, no people talking, nothing. It was dead quiet. You slowly peeled your arms away from your face and opened your eyes.

Namjoon was there, still dressed in that three piece suit of his as he leaned up against the hood of the car that had almost hit you. He looked beyond pissed with you. You looked around, taking notice of your environment. There were people still looking at you, their faces frozen in shock and horror. There was a bird above you, it’s body frozen in midair with its wings spread wide open. And there was a little girl on the corner of the street, her popsicle stuck freefalling a foot above the ground. 

Time had been suspended.

“Namjoon! You don’t understand, this life you put me in, I can’t do it! I’m not a wife or a mother, I can’t do it! And my husband? There’s something wrong with him, I don’t know what but he isn’t right in the head.”

Namjoon rolled his head back, a sharp sigh leaving his lips before he righted himself and pressed his fingers to his temples. 

“You need to go back.” He simply said, his frustration evident.

“I just told you I can’t -”

“It’s either you go back to him and play house for a few fucking weeks, or I take you back to the crossroads and process you!” He snapped. 

You jumped in surprise at the sudden intensity of his voice. When you had first met Namjoon he was calm, collected, even a little embarrassed at the mess up that had occurred. Now, he was frustrated. 

“I told you before, you need to follow this life perfectly, you cannot let anyone know that anything is amiss. That means you need to be Jihoon’s mother and Hoseok’s wife. Whether you like it or not, that’s reality. So, you need to decide right now what you are going to do. Are you going to grin and bear it for a few measly weeks, or are we both leaving right now?”

You remained quiet for a moment. You already knew what your answer was going to be before you even opened your mouth. You needed to stop panicking and start thinking efficiently. What was a few weeks of unease and fear in comparison to years of your life you would gain in return. It was a good investment. 

“I’ll do it.” You finally said. 

“Good,” Namjoon breathed a sigh of relief as he popped off the hood of the car, “No more fuck ups, for my sake and yours.”

And then he was gone, disappeared into thin air. 

The world was moving around you again, and you were no longer standing on the crosswalk but instead in the middle of the sidewalk as the crowd of people that were previously waiting to cross the road dissipated and made their way to the other side.

And then, those same hands were on you again, but this time they pulled you into a warm chest, crushing you like a boa constrictor in a desperate hug. 

“You scared the shit out of me!” Hoseok cried, his hand settling on the back of your neck as he pulled your head into the space between his neck and shoulder. 

How ironic, you had scared him. 

~~~~~~~

Hoseok hadn’t even taken the risk of walking you back home, instead he flagged down a taxi and ushered the both of you into the back seat. The ride was spent in silence between the two of you. You sat there, the side of your head pressed against the window as you listened to the music from the radio and the feeling of Hoseok’s hand on your thigh keeping you immobile. 

You allowed him to grip your wrist when the cab arrived outside your apartment and when he dragged you back inside. It seemed so much darker now after you had been outside. You really didn’t want to be trapped in that small apartment with just you and him and no Jihoon to protect you. 

His hold didn’t lighten until he had dragged you into the bedroom you had woken up in the morning. It was then that he pressed his hand against your shoulders and shoved you backwards on the bed, quickly climbing on top of you as you began to flail your limbs wildly in surprise. 

“Calm down, hunny.” He cooed, a genuine, sadistic smile on his face now. All the other smiles before had been so fake now that you had seen this one. This one was beyond thrilled. 

You flinched as you felt cold metal encircle your wrist and snap shut. He had you handcuffed to the bed, there was no running away now that was for sure.

Your heart was thumping frantically in your chest, your limbs shaking as the adrenaline that had once faded was flooding through you again. Your instincts had been dead on accurate, you should have kept running when you had the chance.

“Baby, baby, baby,” He laughed, tilting his head to the side as his eyes shone with glee. “I haven’t seen you in so long, I thought you were gone.”

You were shaking beneath him as his eyes traced over every inch on your body, his fingers playing with the loose strands of your hair. 

“You’ve been acting so different today, almost like how you were when we first met all those years ago.” He hummed, his face pressing closer to yours as he lightly brushed his lips down the side of your cheek before stopping to press a kiss at the curve of your jaw. 

You flinched to the side in discomfort, spurring a delighted giggle from his lips. 

“As fun as it is to have you like this again, that doesn’t mean I can let your bad behavior go unpunished. You left without my permission and you said no to me, I can’t have that baby, I just can’t.” He sighed, the puff of air against your flesh spurring goosebumps to rise in response. 

“So, be a good little girl for me, and don’t move.” He instructed, pressing a lazy kiss to the bared column of your throat.

“You’re in timeout, a couple hours to yourself should help you think long and hard about what you did today.” He laughed, pulling himself off of you and retreating towards the bedroom door. 

“I’d think of a good way to apologize to me if I were you.”

And then he was gone. Once the door shut you could feel your heartbeat steadily falling and returning to normal. “Play house,” Namjoon had said, “Grin and bear it,” he told you. You weren’t so sure if those sentiments applied to your situation anymore. 

It was confirmed, you were married to a sadistic sociopath. 

Hoseok had left you chained to the bed for hours on end like the asshole that he was. You were rightfully scared of him, like you had previously thought, he was unpredictable. One moment he was kind and gentle and the next he was angry and after that he was filled with a corrosive glee.

How were you supposed to make it through the next few weeks like this? It was impossible. 

All you could do was lay there, stewing in anxiety as you were drowning in your never ending stream of thoughts about your fate at the hands of your so-called husband. 

By the time you heard the front door unlocking the sunlight had completely shifted in the room. The light was now entering at a different angle casting long, dark shadows over the room. It looked like the light was being chased away by the tendrils of darkness curling at its soft edges. 

You could hear a loud thud coming from the main room and the sound of little footsteps approaching the bedroom quickly. 

“Mommy!” A voice called before the door was shoved open. Jihoon. “Found you!” He giggled, kicking his shoes off before scrambling up the side of the bed and crawling over to you on all fours. 

Jihoon seemed undeterred by the sight of your wrist bound to the headboard behind you as he curled up against your side, his head resting on your shoulder as he wrapped his small arms around you. A chill traced its way up your spine, this wasn’t the first time he had seen his mother like this. No, this was common for him. 

Jihoon was already prattling endlessly about his day, much like he had on the way to the school bus that morning. His chatter suddenly came to a stop as he ran out of things to say, instead he let out a little hum and asked you: “Daddy put you in time out?”

“Yeah, Jihoon, Mommy’s in time out.” You replied, your jaw clenched and your eyes pressed shut. 

“I told you, you can’t leave. Daddy always finds you.” He said, nodding his head in agreement with himself as he began to play with your hair.

Your eyes snapped open, you head turning to the side to look at Jihoon. That definitely meant something, didn’t it? In fact, how had Hoseok found you at the park in the first place? Or on the sidewalk you had run to?

“Jihoon...how does Daddy find Mommy?” You asked him.

Jihoon continued to play with your hair, his tongue poking out of his mouth in concentration as he twisted and knotted your hair in a sloppy braid. “Your boo boo.”

“My boo boo?” 

Jihoon stopped his shaky braiding for a moment, meeting your eyes as he grabbed your free hand and led it to the back of your neck. That was when you felt it. 

Right there, at the nape of your neck, was a small bump beneath the flesh. You smoothed your finger over it a few more times in disbelief, making sure that what you were feeling was actually real. 

He had microchipped you, like a dog. 

A pit settled itself into your stomach as the reality of your situation finally hit you. The life you had been injected in was far more dark and twisted than you had first thought. This went beyond overprotectiveness and time outs, this was a clear show of obsession and possessiveness. In Hoseok’s eyes, you belonged to him. 

And, upon having that realization, your husband returned home from work. 

The bedroom door had been left wide open, giving you a clear view of Hoseok entering the apartment as he shimmied his jacket off of his shoulders and loosened his tie. Your arm curled around Jihoon tighter, pressing him even closer to your side like he was a life preserver, the only thing keeping you from being dragged down into the dark trenches of the sea. He felt safe to you. 

The minute Hoseok looked up and caught sight of the two of you, the bleak and tired look that adorned his features drifted away and was replaced by that same fake smile, the one that never reached his eyes but lit up his entire face. 

“There’s my two most favorite people in the world!” He called, pulling a laugh from Jihoon who raised his arms up in a gesture suggesting he wanted Hoseok to hold him. 

Traitor. 

Hoseok bounded into the room, lifting Jihoon up from underneath his arms and spinning him around before settling himself on the bed beside you with Jihoon on his chest, excited giggles shaking his entire body. 

It startled you how normal this would have looked from the outside, minus your hand being cuffed. To anyone else it could have looked like any other family spending time together after a long day. A stay at home mother with her busy husband and their young son. Oh, how far that was from the truth. 

“You hungry, buddy?” Hoseok asked, tickling his son's sides. “How about take out tonight?”

“Yeah!” Jihoon agreed enthusiastically. 

“What do you think, Mommy?” Hoseok asked you, pivoting his head to the side, his dark eyes fixing you to your spot. 

Play along. 

“That sounds good.” You nodded, attempting to do some damage control from your actions earlier that day. 

“Good answer baby,” Hoseok smiled, popping Jihoon off of him as he slid over to you, fishing the keys to the handcuffs out of his back pocket. His thumb gently stroked the reddened flesh of your bound wrist before freeing it. He held your wrist in his hand for a moment before pressing a long kiss to the irritated flesh. 

“Behave.” He whispered into your skin, looking up at you through half lidded eyes before he flipped his switch again and bounced off of the bed in glee. “C’mon Jihoon, you can pick where we order from!”

~~~~~~~

The air had been thick with tension for the rest of the night, unbeknownst to Jihoon who was too excited to be with both of his parents to realize that there was anything wrong. 

Jihoon had become a buffer between you and Hoseok, the little boy seating himself between the two of you on the couch with his food in hand while his legs kicked back and forth excitedly. A little hum of happiness left him with each bite of his food, completely oblivious to the dark look Hoseok was sending you over his head. 

You had somehow managed to equally piss him off and excite him all in one day. You were scared of what it would be like when Jihoon had to inevitably go to bed, he wouldn’t be there to protect you anymore. 

There were few things you had been scared of in your previous life, and they were normal things for a person of your stature. You had been scared of being mugged, being kidnapped for ransom, having someone break into your apartment, or becoming a disappointment to your family. 

Most of those things could have been remedied with a bodyguard. Never in your entire life did you ever think you would come to rely on a six year old boy, your “son,” to be your protection.  It was strange how much could change, all in the course of one night, one mistake. 

Once again, you had found yourself cradling Jihoon to your side, his body relaxing under your touch as he snuggled up against you. He gently guided your hand away from your lap, and onto his head, a sign that he wanted you to play with the short strands of hair. 

You pulled your hands away from your legs and allowed your son to lay his head down as you softly stroked his hair in a calming, soothing motion. The light of the television was flickering, casting a blue glow onto his young features. His eyes had fluttered shut, his long lashes casting smooth shadows against the skin beneath his eyes. His breath was coming out slower now beneath your touch, the rise and fall of his chest becoming slower and deeper than before. 

Jenny had been right about one thing, you would have had cute children. When you went back, a part of you was certain that you would miss Jihoon. Your little protector. 

You jolted at Hoseok’s unexpected touch, his arm sliding behind your shoulders as he moved closer to you on the couch. An annoyed whine sounded from Jihoon at the sudden motion causing him to press his face against your legs in an attempt to escape whatever was disrupting his sleep. 

Hoseok leaned closer, his warmth seeping into your side. He joined your hand on Jihoon’s head, lightly smoothing over his hair before speaking. “I think it’s time for bed, little man.”

“Noooo!” Jihoon whined, “I wanna stay with Mommy.” 

“Not tonight, buddy. You need to be a big boy and sleep in your own bed.”

“I don’t wanna!” He cried. 

Sensing an impending tantrum, Hoseok scooped Jihoon up into his arms and cradled him to his chest. He started rubbing his back in slow motions, bouncing lightly with each step that he took. Miraculously, you could see Jihoon’s eyes begin to droop shut, his fatigue returning in full blast. 

Your parents never did that for you. 

You watched as Hoseok retreated into Jihoon’s room, presumably to get him ready for bed.

Shit, your bodyguard was falling asleep. 

Your body moved before you could think, flinging itself from the couch and sprinting for the bedroom. You couldn’t think of what to do, you knew that as soon as Hoseok was done with Jihoon he was going to come after you and you didn’t know what to expect. So, you did what any other grown woman would do. 

You hid under the covers. 

Your heart was beating loudly in your chest, the sound echoing through your ears as you squeezed your eyes shut in fright. All you could do what lay there and wait for him, you were doing nothing but delaying the inevitable. 

When you heard his footsteps rounding the corner you tried to slow your breathing, forcing your chest to rise and fall slower to make it seem like you had fallen asleep. If he bought it, then maybe he would leave you alone. 

Unlikely. 

He did the exact opposite. You could hear him close the door behind him, shuffling around the room as he got ready for bed. Your breath hitched in your throat as the lights flickered off, and the mattress dipped beside you from his weight. 

It was dead silent in that pitch black room, the only sounds you could hear were the ringing in your ears, your breaths, and his. 

You flinched in surprise when he latched onto you, dragging you backwards into the warmth of his bare chest. 

You tried your best to remain calm, to breathe lightly, and to not move. But Hoseok was no idiot, and you were daft if you thought you could fool him. 

“I know you’re awake.” He whispered, his nose pressing against your hair as he took in a deep breath, sending a sharp chill down your spine. 

He remained quiet for a moment, his arms wrapping tighter around your body. The feeling was the same as if a boa constrictor was curling around you. Slowly increasing the pressure, tightening its grasp in an attempt to squeeze the life out of you. Slow, calculating, and intimate. 

The arm that had looped around your middle lightly drew backwards, allowing his hand to slide beneath your shirt and rest on the bare skin of your waist. 

“I think I know a way you can make it up to me.” He mumbled with his lips pressed against your throat. 

His palm smoothed over the skin of your lower abdomen, just above the hem of your underwear as he buried his head into the crook of your neck, lips and tongue tracing over the bared flesh. Like a little lamb you had found yourself caught in the jaws of the predator, one snap away from the clutches of death. 

You remained frozen from a blend of shock and fear, all sense of fight or flight leaving you and rendering you immobile. Every nerve in your body was screaming at you to move, to pull away, to throw yourself off of the bed. But your muscles were tense, frozen in a state of pure anxiety and fear, you knew nothing more than the thought of keeping still like a rabbit in the face of danger. 

He moved to the side, dragging you onto your back so he could settle himself on top of you. He braced himself with his arms on either side of you, caging you in with no room to escape. He gave you no warning of what he was thinking of doing, he merely swooped down and pressed his lips to your own. 

A muffled squeak rattled in your chest, your heart suddenly thudding louder than before like an alarm sounding to wake you up. Your hands moved first, sliding onto his chest and barely applying any force, struggling to push him back. His skin was warm and smooth against your palms, an alluring honey shade that you would have been enamored by like you had been that morning, had you not been exposed to his true nature. 

“Hoseok.” You said, finally breaking free of his kiss. 

Your call of his name had the exact opposite effect of what you had hoped. A deep groan rumbled in his chest as he pressed his hips against yours, effectively pinning you to the mattress beneath him. 

“Hoseok!” You tried again, trying to grab his attention. 

“That’s it baby, keep saying my name.” He sighed, expertly rolling his hips against yours. 

Oh. Oh no. 

The sudden wave of arousal that washed over you was unwelcomed and even more frightening than anything else. You weren’t even in control of yourself anymore, that was what his presence did to you. 

“Play along,” The words that Namjoon had told you were suddenly echoing in your mind. 

Your breath got caught in your throat as he pressed himself closer to you, you could feel the smooth roll of his hard length pressing against your core, light sparks of pleasure tingling throughout you. Shadows of fear still crept around in the back of your mind, the nape of your neck throbbing in a twisted reminder of the chip that lay beneath the skin. 

Hoseok was in his own world, hell bent on teasing you until he grew tired of it. He shifted his weight onto one arm allowing his hand to delicately trace up the length of your body. His fingers just barely brushed your thigh, trailing upwards to trace the hollows of your hips before settling on your waist and rising up over the barrel of your ribcage that was exposed so nicely for him from your arched spine. 

You were laying there, helpless for him, frozen from a state of arousal and fear that was blending perfectly into its own dark, tempting cocktail. You pressed your lips together firmly, smothering any whine that tried to force its way free from you when he pulled back, the motion of his hips stilling as he played with the hem of your shirt. You didn’t know if you wanted to yell at him to go away, or scold him for stopping. 

Either way, you didn’t have much say on the matter. 

He tilted his head from side to side, his dark eyes tracing over your form from head to toe. A small smirk tugged at the corners of his lips as he watched the heavy rise and fall of your chest, your wrinkled shirt, and the way your thighs and hips jerked from the loss of his touch. You looked adorable to him, he couldn’t deny the powerful feeling it gave him to see you so helpless beneath him. He was sick, and he loved it. 

His fingers were still tracing the hem of your shirt, like he was contemplating removing it despite the both of you knowing it was inevitably going to come off. Hoseok was an impatient man, that much you could tell. He firmly gripped the bottom of your shirt and began to roll it up agonizingly slowly, that satisfied smirk still pinned to his handsome features. 

“Whaddya say, hunny? Should we give Jihoon a sibling?” He laughed, his tongue flicking out to swipe over his lower lip at the thought of getting to see you full with his child again. He would be a liar if he said the thought didn’t turn him on. 

All of the blood rushed to your face, your thighs tensing reflexively against him where he was settled between your legs. 

“Is that what you want?” He hummed, hands settling on your hips and roughly pulling you down the mattress against him. “You want me to fill you up again, sweetheart?” 

You didn’t get a chance to even consider answering his lewd question, a sudden shock of lighting and a deep roll of thunder caught the two of you off guard. The once pitch black room had been lit up by the blast of light, the windows shaking from the boom of thunder. 

And then, there was the sound of crying and little footsteps. 

Hoseok hung his head backwards in distress before rolling off of you with an annoyed whine echoing through the room. “God fucking dammit.”

“Mommy! Daddy!” Jihoon yelled before throwing the door open and scampering up over the foot of the bed, his little face wet with tears as he scrambled over the sheets and settled himself in between the two of you. 

If you had questioned it before, you weren’t questioning it now. Jihoon was your savior. 

“Jihoon, it’s just a little thunder, it’s nothing to be scared of.” Hoseok said, his voice a little sterner than normal, most likely from his case of blue balls. 

“It’s scary!” The little boy rebutted, “I wanna sleep with you!”

“Jihoon -”

“It’s okay you can sleep with Mommy and Daddy tonight.” You cut Hoseok off, opening your arms for Jihoon to snuggle into. 

The look on Hoseok’s face would have been humorous if you didn’t know you were going to have to pay for it eventually. 

Everything came with a price, eventually. 

~~~~~~~

Hours melted into days, and days slowly migrated into weeks. You had begun to lose track of how much time you had spent in this other life of yours. But you knew you couldn’t stand it for much longer. 

You could handle Jihoon, you liked Jihoon, you could stand even being there because of him. Hoseok...he was another story. He never hid his true intentions from you, that was for sure. But the more time you spent trapped inside that apartment the more you began to feel like you were going to lose yourself.

Sometimes you could forget what Hoseok really was, and other times he made sure to remind you. In this life, whoever this person was before you took over, they had never left the apartment since Jihoon was born. That was six years of their life spent trapped within these walls with no one to talk to except for two people who were only home for a few short hours a day. 

It was isolating. It wasn’t unlike the lonely life you had lived before in those regards. 

You were trapped, chipped, and alone. Any attempt you had made to leave by yourself, for any reason, had been swiftly thwarted by Hoseok. The knowledge of the tracker embedded in your neck reminded you that there was no point in running anyways, he would always find you. 

You tried to remind yourself that this would all be worth it in the end, that you could handle these weeks if it meant getting your old life back. But as each week passed, you weren’t so sure that was true any more. 

You were in a cyclical hell that you couldn’t manage. 

You had opened the door one day at the sound of someone outside it, it had been a new neighbor, a young man with full lips and an unusual laugh. Your heart had soared at the opportunity of being able to speak to someone other than a six year old or your possessive husband, but that had been quickly thwarted. 

Hoseok had pulled you back into the apartment and exited into the hallway, shutting the door behind him with a grim glare.

You never spoke to that neighbor again. 

Hoseok had become more needy as each week passed and you had taken to sleeping in Jihoon’s bed with him as often as you could, feeling protected by the boy you called your son. But your distance didn’t help in any manner, Hoseok was becoming more aggressive and more irritable. Not with your son, never with your son, but with you. 

He grabbed onto you more, touched you more, kissed you harder, and eventually forced you back into sleeping in your bedroom. 

You faked an illness for a few days to keep him at bay. That was how you got to this point. He was desperate. 

Hoseok was taking you on a work trip, just you, without your son. It was a city or two over, you would be staying at a hotel and having dinner with his coworkers there that same day. He was a desperate man calling for desperate measures to be alone with his wife. That meant that you had no more excuses and no Jihoon to protect you. 

Jihoon had cried when you said you had to go away with Hoseok, he didn’t want to go and stay with Hoseok’s mother, he wanted you two. And that part of your heart that had grown to accommodate him was slowly breaking with each tear that rolled down his cheeks. 

You would be lying if you said you didn’t love him. 

You knew that you weren’t the best mother, you didn’t know what a good mother was like. Yours was efficient at best. So you dug down deep for what maternal instincts you had, held him close, dried his tears, and kissed his chubby cheeks. 

And you told him you loved him. The first person you ever loved. 

So, that was how you found yourself here, at a table with a bunch of boring men and their partners talking about their work with Hoseok’s hand gripping your thigh, his finger rubbing circles into the skin beneath the length of your dress. 

You were incredibly bored of this ordeal. All of these men were business executives and their concepts of how to run a business were rudimentary at best. It took everything in you to keep your mouth closed to not correct them in front of their higher ups and embarrass them for the everyday mistakes they were making. 

“Play along.” Namjoon had said, so that was what you did. 

Although you may be a mother now, you would always be a business woman and a successful one at that. They didn’t deserve your expertise. 

Your eyes lazily drifted away from the table, zoning out as their voices became reduced to a low rumble. And that was when you saw it, a flash of black fur and glowing jade eyes on the ledge outside the window. 

Taehyung. It was time. 

Your heart leapt with joy, a smile carving into your once stony expression. You could go home now, you could finally wake up from this nightmare. A sharp squeeze to your thigh grounded you, a pit rolling in your stomach. You had to get away from Hoseok. 

He was staring at you, confused by the sudden appearance of your joyful grin. 

You leaned close to him, whispering lowly, “I have to use the ladies room.”

“I’ll take you.” He replied, going to scoot his chair away from the table. 

You gripped his forearm, bringing him to a halt. “No, this is important for you, I’ll only be a moment.”

He stared at you in silence, assessing you and trying to figure out what you were getting at before he spoke. “Behave.”

You nodded quickly before excusing yourself from the table and rushing down the hallway. You had seen a large balcony on your way to the restaurant on the top floor, it was only a little ways away. 

As soon as you stepped foot onto the balcony, you saw him. Taehyung was there, resting on the balcony as the sun slowly drifted away behind a cover of clouds, a gentle rain was beginning to tap the marble floor beneath you. 

You approached him quickly, your heart pumping in time with the gentle rumble of thunder above you. Taehyung came to a stand on the railing, the sharp drop off beside him glaring at you. 

“We have to do it this way, again?” You asked, your hands wrapping around the railing beside him as you peered over. You were even higher now than you had been the first time, sharp tingles were shooting through your hands and feet as you stared down at the streets below. 

Taehyung stared at you in silence, his eyes blinking slowly twice. You would take that as a yes. 

So, you carefully sat yourself up on the railing and turned, allowing your feet to dangle over the ledge. You watched in horror as your heels slipped off and went plummeting down to the ground. It took them a long time to meet the pavement, it would be a long fall for you.

“Fuck, are all of you reapers this dramatic?” You hissed at the cat. He looked amused at your predicament. 

“Okay, let’s do this thing.” You huffed, reaching your hand out to touch the reapers silky midnight fur. 

And that was when you heard the panicked call of your name. You looked over your shoulder, your eyes meeting Hoseok’s. His face was ashen, his hands held up as he attempted to approach you. Your eyes caught sight of his phone held up in one of his hands, a blinking dot on a grid staring back at you. He had accessed your tracker. 

“Baby, what are you doing?” He asked you, taking small, slow steps in your direction. “Come here, let’s talk, okay?”

“You can’t stop me,” You replied, “I won’t do this any longer.”

“You don’t know what you're saying, you're just stressed and scared. We can get through this.”

“I know what I’m doing, Hoseok. I’m done, my time is up and I need to go.”

“And what about me? What about Jihoon?” 

Jihoon. A chill spread through your body, your eyes suddenly stinging. You didn’t know that would be the last time you would hug him or say goodbye. He didn’t know that was the last day he would have a mother. 

“Jihoon will be fine.” You said firmly, Taehyung was creeping closer to you now at the same pace that Hoseok was. Your time was coming to a close, Hoseok was trying to compete with death. It was obvious who was going to win.

“I won’t let you do this.” He snapped back, frustration, desperation and fear taking over him as he flung his phone aside and began to run to you. 

“You don’t own me.” You spat back.

And then you grabbed Taehyung and clutched him to your chest before slipping off the edge of the balcony, Hoseok’s fingers just brushing your skin before you plummeted off the side of the building. 

Death was easier. 

~~~~~~~

First, there was darkness. 

And then there was the sound of monitors beeping around you.

Your eyes felt as heavy as lead, refusing to open on your command. And for a small, brief moment, you were afraid that when you opened your eyes he would be there. You were afraid that you had missed the window and you were trapped with him again.

But when you did manage to open your eyes, the person sleeping in the chair beside you was Jenny. 

You did it. 

Everyone was surprised by your survival and your recovery. The fall you had should have shattered your bones, mashed your brain, drained you of your blood. But you survived with minimal injuries. Some people called it a miracle, others thought you were a medical mystery. 

And Jenny though you were stupid. 

“What the fuck were you doing on that ledge? Were you that drunk or are you just that fucking stupid!” She yelled through her tears. 

“Both.” You answered, your face completely deadpan as she rained down a series of hits to your arms in retaliation. 

You laughed through it until she finally calmed down, a huffing mess in her chair beside you. “In all honesty, there was a cat on my balcony and I was trying to save it.”

“Oh my god, you are that fucking stupid aren’t you?” She said, shaking her head. “If you want a cat’s attention you lure it with food you dumbass! You are the dumbest smart person I know.” She sighed into her hands. 

The two of you remained quiet for a moment as she collected herself and you took in the room around you. There were no cards, no balloons, and no flowers. 

“So, I guess none of my family could clear some time in their busy schedules to come see me.” You said, quietly. 

Jenny raised her head, sympathy etched into the features of her face. “Do you want honesty, or do you want me to sugar coat it?”

You bit your lip in thought before making up your mind. “Honesty.”

Jenny took in a deep breath before scooting her plastic chair closer to your gurney. “Your family is...distancing themselves from you for the time being.”

“Distancing?” You echoed in confusion. 

“The media hasn’t taken too kindly to your...accident. Every tabloid is talking about the woman who has it all trying to throw it away. The public isn’t very happy with you at the moment.”

“The same wouldn’t be said if I had died.” You mumbled, because that was the truth. Nobody cared until it was far too late, their true intentions hiding beneath their masks of sorrow. It didn’t matter how much money you had, you had never been happy, and had your accident truly been an attempt well, maybe it was only a matter of time. 

“And what does my family think?”

“They aren’t too happy with you either. Your mother and father have put on a face for the public, wishing you a speedy recovery, but they left you a memo. They aren’t ready to speak with you yet, not until you do something to find your way back into their good graces. Your siblings, on the other hand, have said nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

You had forgotten how lonely this life was. Thoughts of Jihoon tugged at your heart strings, his little whispers of “I love you’s,” your after school snacks and cuddles, and the soft voice he used when he would wake you up in the morning with a gentle: “Mommy?”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you!” Jenny said quickly. 

Your brow wrinkled in confusion before you felt it, the cool, wet, glide of a tear rolling down the side of your cheek. You were crying. 

“It’s not you, Jenny. I’m just thinking about someone I love.”

~~~~~~~

You had returned to work almost immediately upon being discharged from the hospital. Jenny called you stupid, you called it trying to return to your only family. You knew you shouldn’t care about their opinion, not when they so clearly showed their disappointment in you and their lack of care. But they were all you had, they were your family, your blood. They made you what you were.

Right?

So there you were, back to wearing those red bottom heels, those tailored suits, and those glasses you hadn’t touched in so long, hidden behind your desk in your office. 

You had kept your cool and your composure when you entered the office, doing your best to show you were unfazed by the shocked stares and the hushed whispers between your employees. You kept your composure only to throw your office door shut and slump against it with panicked pants for air. 

No matter how hard you tried, you knew you were never going to be the same anymore. Not after your fall, not after the crossroads, and not after Hoseok. You were broken in ways you couldn’t even comprehend. 

Even now, sitting at your desk, eyes trained on your computer, your finger swept over the skin at the nape of your neck, mindlessly feeling for the bump, the tracker that was once buried there. You were only met with seamless skin and irritation from the constant rubbing. You wouldn’t be surprised if you ended up rubbing the back of your neck raw. 

A soft knock to your door had you sighing in relief, you needed some respite from the thoughts that were racing a million miles a minute in your mind. You were mentally exhausted from everything you had gone through. You removed your glasses, pressing your cool fingers to your eyes. Your hands were hurting again. 

There was a loud crash as the door clicked shut, the sound of liquid spilling violently all over the floor of your office and the thick, strong odor of coffee. And then, there was the shocked gasp of your name.

A familiar chill traced down your spine at the voice, your heart kicking into overdrive. No, it couldn’t be. You rose from your chair causing it to spin away, your breathing quickening as you began to panic. 

It was Hoseok, standing there in your office in a puddle of coffee.

Jenny’s words from all those weeks ago came flooding back into your mind. “The poor thing was so nervous, you really should be nicer to him. He has such a sweet smile…”

You stepped backwards in fear, your world suddenly crashing down on you in one fatal swoop. 

He called your name again, a similar panic on his face as he crossed the room in distress. “Please! You, you have to help me! I don’t know what's going on but it feels like my head is being torn apart!”

Tears were rushing down your cheeks in endless rivers now. You had walked so far backwards that you were pinned against the tall windows behind you with nowhere left to go. 

“I have two lives, two sets of memories running parallel in my head and I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t!”

You closed your eyes, your body shaking and shutting down the closer he got. And then his hands were on your shoulders, shaking you in his grasp as he began to hyperventilate. 

“Where’s Jihoon?! Where did he go?! He cried, his body trembling in tune with your own as he was bombarded with memories he knew and ones he didn’t. He was too close now, his body pressed tightly to your own in that same suffocating manner as he panicked, his mind being torn apart for reasons unknown to him, holding onto you to ground himself.

You were beginning to understand now amidst the haze of panic. Namjoon had said he was putting you in a different place, in a different time. He had never said in a different life. You hadn’t become someone else, you had been moved six years forward in time. Those painful weeks you had lived through with the guise of them being temporary had all been for absolutely nothing. You were doomed to live out the life you had been trapped in. 

It was fate.

“Where is our son?!”