#in conclusion ive learned a lot by dealing with shitty people and am now better at avoiding them!

[plounce]

what if gay CATS........... were gay PERSONS

(info on this au under the cut)

theyre all shitty young adults just kind of. getting through their early 20s as best they can. or as much as they can. maybe things will get better someday, but right now they’re kind of spinning their wheels

magic exists but like eh it’s not a big thing don’t worry about it. it’s around but like whatever. not many people have it and it’s mostly just like. a curiosity or a party trick

demeter and bombularina are together, tugger and mistoffelees are together, bombularina and tugger occasionally fwb, it’s cool and aboveboard and it’s all fine

demeter:

bisexual with a preference for women. 24 years old

semi-psychic (not as powerful as tantomile or coricopat). tends to have vague and confusing prophetic dreams

dropped out of grad school for sociology due to trauma and ensuing intensified mental illness. kind of bitter about it, but tries to get through every day. general anxiety disorder even before all that

very nervous around most men she doesn’t know & trust

currently working at a barnes & noble starbucks, which sucks. she recently became the assistant manager, which turbo sucks because now she has more work for only like a buck raise, but at least she’s getting reliable shifts

her go-to therapy is cutting her hair with scissors. her hair is fried to all hell from regular bleaching

she’s learning how to crochet because she’s decided she needs to do something physically productively creative with her hands to distract herself from Stuff

bombalurina:

bisexual. 24 years old

got her bachelor’s in english two years ago and hasn’t found a job in her field and has kind of given up on it for now

she’s been bartending for like four years, does freelance editing work on the side. will occasionally write listicles for clickbait sites if she needs extra cash

literally any extra money she can save goes to tattoos. her right sleeve’s almost done

has natural red hair but dyes it cherry red

a hedonist to cope but is also just a natural hedonist. likes a good bath

i know that like the typical thing fandoms say about female characters is “doesn’t take shit” for the girlboss points but she truly does not take shit anymore. she used to take people’s shit sometimes but at this point in her life she’s tired and she has a girlfriend to be protective of. she has a couple people whose shit she will take (mostly just tugger) but besides them (and having to practice basic customer service to keep her job) she’s tired of other people’s shit! enough!

my personal take on bombalurina is a mix between the riot grrrls of the 90s and 80s punk girls, and then a dash of the greaser chicks from grease. i saw that spiked collar and my brain went OH okay i can run with this somewhere fun. same for demeter, but less so - she just has the piercings.

demelurina:

bombalurina met demeter in college at a women’s activism club, noticed her because of her dimple piercings and was like “oh someone else with a lot of metal in her face, i’ll sit next to her”

they were each other’s first off-campus roommates and were close friends. made out a couple times, but it was mostly a lot of sexual tension. there was a lot of bombalurina staring at demeter while she or demeter made out with someone else

demeter was on and off with her high school boyfriend munkustrap and bombalurina was like “oh he’s so much more stable/calm than me and she needs that, i party a bit too much for her, i shouldn’t try anything” so she just sort of. lets their almost-there peter off

(this is all bombalurina’s internal thoughts - demeter always was interested in her, but thought she was too boring for bombalurina. so neither of them thought they could pursue it)

bombalurina graduated and moved somewhere cheaper further away from campus. they kind of drift apart

munkustrap and demeter peter off and he moves away for a job (they’re still good friends, it was a very amicable breakup) and then demeter gets with macavity, which is a deeply toxic situation for her and sucks hugely and throws her whole life really off track. won’t go into further details

she finally manages to break up with him and calls bombalurina at like 2 am asking if she can pick her up, and also if she can sleep on her couch, it’s okay if that’s not okay, she just. really needs a place she feels safe, and her gut is telling her to. and of course bombalurina says yes

bombalurina also knew macavity and had also made out a couple times with him at like parties and stuff (see: staring at demeter as she makes out with people). something about transference of feelings - bombalurina was into him for a couple moments because he and demeter had a thing.

this is due to me interpreting the song “macavity” as actually about bombalurina wanting to fuck demeter and her singing as a half-repressed expression of that. i use my really good wlw brain to reach that conclusion. it’s kind of a non-competitive version of eve sedgwick’s take on the love triangle. (<-- normal thing to say)

but anyway demeter stays on bombalurina’s couch and she tries so hard to stay on track but eventually she just has to drop out. bombalurina helps her with that too. she’s just really supportive even as demeter’s life is at its lowest point. when she gets home from bartending she gets demeter to go to sleep

she just Stays with her and makes her smile and reminds her that her life isn’t over, there’s still things in her day to enjoy, to keep her trudging forward

bombalurina is roommates with tugger at this point - he also recently dropped out and demeter knows him because he’s munkustrap’s brother, so he’s Trusted and also is like “hey it’s okay that you dropped out, im here and im chilling and you like me and respect me at least a little, and you have a bachelor’s degree at least!” (more on him later)

demeter is like “oh god ive been crashing at their place for so long not paying rent, theyre gonna ask me to leave, im such a freeloader, they wont take my attempts at paying rent” but then bombalurina and tugger are like “hey! the lease is almost up! we found a pretty good 3 bedroom, do you wanna have your own room for real?” and she nearly cries because 1. the RELIEF 2. oh my god you want me around???

cut to bombalurina helping demeter put together an ikea dresser (tugger got banished to the kitchen to make crystal light lemonade for them because he’s useless with a screwdriver) and demeter has two epiphanies:

1. i thought i was ready to d*e four months ago and here i am making a dresser to put clothes into in my new apartment where i live and feel safe and loved. im still not happy but im still alive and im making a dresser

2. holy fuck im back in love with my best friend, and ten times more than i was back then.

so she like kind of freaks out because she’s already imposed so much on bombalurina, how could she impose her FEELINGS on her like this, oh no oh no oh no

meanwhile bombalurina’s back in love with her even MORE and she’s also like no... she’s already dealing with so much... i don’t want to make her uncomfortable or feel unsafe in her own home especially after her recent relationship trauma... i just want her to feel safe around me...

you might think tugger as their roommate would be like “JUST KISS” but he is in fact pretty oblivious because he is self-absorbed. mistoffelees on the other hand..

eventually they do have a big confession of feelings after demeter has a bad day and it’s very dramatic and they make out in the rain. and it’s like. well this is a movie scene. but also im cold and damp. let’s head inside our home and get warm and dry :)

and then they go inside and and talk through everything, all their feelings (not just their romantic feelings but like ALL their feelings) and their shared histories and bombalurina is like “do you think you’re... ready for a relationship right now? like that would be a good thing for you?”

and demeter considers it. she does stop and think. and then she says, “with anyone else... probably not. but it’s you. and i feel so safe around you, and we’re already so close. you make the future feel more worth it. you make more days alive feel not just tolerable, but something to look forward to. and knowing you’ve loved me all this time... it’s nice. it’s good. i’m - i’m understating it so much, it’s more than nice, it’s just - it’s a lot. i wish i had noticed back then.” “hey, hey, don’t blame yourself. i’m the one who never said anything.”

anyway. everything works out, and they start dating for real :)

tugger:

bisexual. 22 years old

dishwasher at the same bar bombalurina works at. she got him the job. he keeps bugging her to teach him bartending tricks and on slow nights she will agree to

he dropped out of their four year, but he managed to secure an associate’s in communications before he dipped

trying to be an ig influencer hotboy and hopefully get modeling jobs from that but his phone’s camera sucks shit so his account isn’t really going anywhere. but he continues to post his low resolution shirtless selfies

trying to cope with being the failure son who does not have a fancy nonprofit job with a salary and healthcare by being self-absorbed and self-aggrandizing

it works about 60% of the time and 60% of the times that it doesn’t he’s able to hide it

he dropped out right around when bombalurina graduated and he was like HEY! ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE WHO DOESN’T CARE IF WE LIVE TEN MILES AWAY FROM CAMPUS? WELL HAVE I GOT A SOLUTION FOR YOU: ME!

to which bombalurina (who has fooled around with him here and there and thinks he is funny little man and genuinely goodhearted, and also he has rockin abs as a plus) says munkustrap already asked me if i need a roommate and if i do to consider you, because you don’t want to move back home. in other words: yes, you little idiot

they do fool around with each other but they are both very understanding that it is strictly platonic and for fun, especially once they become roommates. they both do not desire each other for anything serious

he did have a bit of a crush on each other when they met (hot punk older girl who’s friends with his brother) but 1. it dissipated pretty quick after they fooled around for the first time because it was not a very serious crush 2. she was in the middle of being in love with demeter so she was focused on that, emotionally

he got his ears pierced a couple times in high school but bombalurina inspired him to get a couple more. she went with him when he got his nose pierced

demeter has always understood that him and bombalurina are strictly fwb, has never been an issue.

she and him like to bleach their hair together when their hair schedules line up (he bleaches his way less often then she does), but she refuses to use his fancy conditioner that keeps his hair unfried because it’s expensive, even though he tells her to go ahead and use it, please, the health of her hair is giving HIM anxiety, demeter please. please demeter

mistoffelees:

gay. 20 years old

has magic. it’s pretty good magic but again: magic is not a big deal in this concept

a bit spooky. skulks around. a bit of a bitch but also very very nice. chooses when to speak

he has postings on craigslist and fiverr about finding lost objects and people with magic. like a gig economy private detective

side job is a waiter at a fancy restaurant

sometimes he gets paid VERY well from the private detecting, depending on the client. he does ask his psychic friends (tantomile & coricopat) to give a quick glance over on some of the more suspicious clients just to make sure he isn’t finding someone who should not be found by that person.

doesn’t go to college. is roommates with his sister victoria, who’s a freshman and studying dance. moved into town with her so she wouldn’t have to live in the dorms by having a guaranteed roommate.

tuggoffelees:

the general vibe i want for these two is mistoffelees walking around town or driving around in his shitty toyota camry while tugger tags along because he’s bored and thinks this is cool as shit

the general tone of the au is “magic isn’t a big deal” except for tugger, who thinks mistoffelees’ magic and his magic freelancing is the coolest shit ever. this is mostly because he just likes mistoffelees. “there are people who can do cooler shit than me, tug” “yeah but i don’t KNOW them also theyre not as COOL as you” “you had to explain to me how instagram reels work”

idk how they met i just think tugger shows up at his and bombalurina’s apartment one day (this is when demeter has moved in but they havent moved to the 3br yet) with this dude to dash in and pick something up and bombalurina is like “uh. who’s this” “oh this is mistoffelees he’s SO GOOD AT MAGIC” [mistoffelees nods hello] “okay bye bombalurina see you at work!!!” “uh. later”

after that he just shows up a lot. sort of ambiguous if theyre dating or what for a while before bombalurina straight up asks like “hey does the dude you’re dating know we fool around” “the dude im - what?” “... the little magic guy who keeps using our hot cocoa mix. misty.” “oh. uh. we aren’t dating.” “... do you want to? because you’re kind of all over him constantly” “um. well! haha, if i wanted to, i could! haha!” “yeah get back to me on that”

tugger trying to use his ig clout to get mistoffelees more work even though 1. he has no clout 2. mistoffelees has a very stable client base. but mistoffelees appreciates the effort. the self-promo guy promoing someone other than himself... the highest expression of love...

mistoffelees is A Nonthreatening Man plus he’s pretty obviously gay so demeter is chill around him pretty quickly. when mistoffelees is over they’ll sit on the couch where demeter sleeps and watch documentaries quietly while she crochets

they both occasionally say spooky shit at the same time because magic stuff. bombalurina and tugger are both torn between “that was cool as fuck” and “god that’s unnerving”

just a lot of tugger following mistoffelees around on his jobs and mistoffelees letting him because he’s fond of him and them occasionally getting into minor peril and interesting shenanigans, but it is 90% fetch quests

i think the first time they met tugger was taking selfies in front of a hydrangea in a public park and he saw mistoffelees walk up with a shovel and start digging in one of the flower beds and he thought he was hot so he went over and offered to take over on the shoveling to look strong and masculine and he ended up digging up a skull, which mistoffelees picked up and said “thanks” and then walked away

mildly terrifying but also very interesting and tugger’s days are kind of boring and dishwashing kind of sucks as a job to do like every night and he is a person who thrives on novelty so. moth to a porchlight

i think they do start making out for fun here and there and then a while later theyre out on one of mistoffelees’ jobs and someone asks “who’s the guy with you” and mistoffelees replies “oh that’s my boyfriend, don’t worry about him” and then it’s like. “HUH? I’M YOUR BOYFRIEND?” “uh. yeah? i assumed. is that okay?” “i mean yeah of course i think you’re great! how long have we–” “oh like a while.” “oh. uh. cool!!”

they just hang out a lot. mistoffelees enjoys teasing him and enjoys his warmth and bombasticity and tugger likes watching and helping him solve little mysteries around the county because it’s always something new. they’re kind of a comedy duo. they just enjoy spending their time together and following mistoffelee’s internal magic gps to find lost dogs and lost necklaces

yeah right now this au is just vibes and just sort of. continuing forward with your days and your weeks and your months. just young adults hanging out

[tumblunni]

Random headcanon: Dr Maddiman's heart is like a health meter. Contrary to what you'd think, the normal part is the illness and the green part is the health.

Cos it sorta symbolizes..like..how 'dr maddiman' he is. I had the thought that maybe zombie type yokai come from people who cant quite let go of their past life and accept becoming a yokai. So their reborn self is sickly and twisted. Maddiman is even more tied to the place he died, so his yokai form even manages to pull off looking halfway like a regular person, and he's able to morph back into not just an illusion of a human form but an exact replica of his human self. Though only while he's in the hospital and only for a short amount of time before he starts turning back. This is usually pretty traumatic for him because if he stays too long transformed he starts to fall into the delusion that he's really human. When he was working for mckraken and tasked with eliminating you in the first game he kept getting distracted going through the motions of normal day to day life at his hospital, when he could have just started the boss fight immediately and saved time. Of course the other conclusion is that he just likes doing supervillainous presentation, or that mckraken didnt have any confidence maddiman would actually win so he ordered him to do it this long way and act as a distraction instead. *shrug*

ANYWAY BACK TO THE MAIN HEADCANON wow i go off on tangeants a lot

So his 'health meter' is linked to how much he's able to let go of his past trauma and accept his new life as a yokai. Basically his emotional pain as a human correlated to illness, and the only cure is Help Sad Dad Be Less Sad. Heal his literal broken heart!

At the beginning his heart just looked like a normal heart, aside from obviously now being out of his chest as a weak point. For the first few years of his death he was practically on the verge of a second death! His mind was so clouded that he was practically like a feral animal, spending every day only walking in circles around his lab- picking up stuff and putting it back down again, tearing every book apart trying to read it, scratching at the glass of Hans's tank, scrawling formulas all over the walls and just generally being really goddamn manic. Just completely fuckin terrified constantly, tormented by hallucinations with noone there to help him. Constantly feeling this deadline hanging over his head for something he couldnt even remember. A deadline that he couldnt remember had already passed and he was already dead. So yeah...at this stage he was just the big scary ghost haunting this wreckage, blindly attacking anyone who strayed into his territory and unknowingly destroying his own hospital in the process. His health was super bad at this point and he had to constantly drain hearts to keep from fading away. Even the other yokai who came to haunt this place were afraid of him, since he'd attack indiscriminately. But at the same time the legend of this haunting would attract those yokai looking for a good hunting ground, and if you learned how to deal with the weird dude in the basement it was a pretty sweet deal. Plus his boss level power was a good defense against your rivals! What would eventually become maddiman's friendship with these yokai began as them running away from him and tricking their enemies into the path of his vampiric rage! (Madds apologised profusely for this once he was back in his right mind)

The company of other yokai slowly started to help maddiman become more lucid. But he still had no clue who he was and the only thing left in his heart was "i need to finish my work" without even knowing what it was! You'd think that not being able to remember why he was sad would help him move on, but the pain bled through even when everything else was lost. He just didnt know WHY he was sad, which made him even more desperate to finish his work! And these other yokai started helping him with it. Even if they also had no clue wtf he was doing, it was a mutually beneficial relationship to basically 'pay rent' to the boss of the area. Madds's requirements were a lot lower than most other boss yokai, i mean he never even wanted to be a boss yokai and didnt know any of the rules about it. Didnt even notice all these people moved into his house until now! This was also around the time that he started using that IV stand, before that he'd just nom on those lil cartoon hearts like the most adorable terrifying hellbeast ever :3 The IV stand works better for gradual distribution of emotion energy throughout his bloodstream, so he only has to steal one heart a day. And then once every few days, once a week, gradually gradually getting better.

A few years before the start of the game, he met McKraken! This actually helped him a lot, the big villain dude was kinda the closest friend he'd had in all these decades. McKraken had heard the legends of some super powerful boss yokai living in this hospital, and wanted to recruit it to his cause. But he was kinda flabbergasted to find this harmless-looking doofus sad dad who invited him in for tea and just generally managed to break through his grumpiness barriers and WHOOPS I GUESS FRIENDSHIP HAPPEN! Madds never actually really knew wtf mckraken's evil plan was, he was just like 'yeah sure i'll help with whatever the something, new best buddy!' Well, maddiman didnt really know much about the yokai world in general since he hadnt left his laboratory since he died. Mckraken started off like 'ehh i'll be friends with this guy if it means i can use him. Wow it sure is great ti have such an easily manipulateable pawn!' But oops alas his heart ended up being the easily manipulateable one, and before he knew it he was (oh no!) HANGING OUT AND STUFF! He'd do random lil chores of niceness for this dude who was too scared to leave his lab, even though lowering himself to the level of wearing a human disguise was the greatest of dishonor. But, yknow, madds likes that shitty human cola and uhh yeah hmm i just need to manipulate him yeah no affection here. And also i can imagine Maddiman obliviously hitting on him by accident, he's just like 'wow ive never seen such a rare yokai before, i need to research you!!' *buries him in compliments* *also takes several vials of blood and dandruff samples* And mckraken is like "fuck am i really falling for this idiot, he only wants me for my body (literally)" "LET ME HAVE A KIDNEY, I ONLY NEED THE ONE"

Anyway this has gone off on a real big tangeant but in summary maddiman makes even more friends and happy memories through the course of the games and someday he will be able to let go of his painful past. And its just my random headcanon that when that happens his heart will finish turning 100% green because itd be cool to have a symbolic signifier ykno?

Also maddiman x mckraken is a good ship but maddiman x ex wife is also a good ship and dammit why is this random potato dad so shippable???

[sunnyg-rl]

I feel the need to clarify.

So, I know that my mental illness isn't the exact reason he left. It was that I didn't want to do anything with him, I didn't want to listen to new music, I was always tired, I was always in a shitty mood, etc. These are symptoms of depression and I don't blame him for seeing these things and taking them personally. To the untrained eye, I'll admit, I just seemed like a bitch. So I am kind of proud he decided to walk away. Save himself the experience of dating a bitch. I genuinely understand.

But of course I also know that this was probably not the biggest reason he left. It was me and my ex. I know that. I'm not blind to it. I am genuinely the villain of our story - watch this. I literally hung out with him or texted him almost everyday, when I did hang out with my ex, my partner at the time was sent into a panic. Now, the panic response was not the proper response, but it was a sign that he was not okay with what was happening. As his girlfriend I should have responded to his behavior, and I didn't and I'm so sorry that I didn't.

I left him in the blue when it came to my ex. Like, I told him I was poly, then I asked to hang with my ex, then I started doing it, then I admitted feelings for him again, and then I asked for J to be okay with me dating him (when he wasn't comfortable with the idea of me with anyone else in the first place. Yeah.).

So I pushed boundaries and I made J uncomfortable and I showed a complete disregard for his feelings, because I was hurting so far down that I could barely deal with mine.

In retrospect, I wish that someone in my life would have shook me awake sooner. (Though I completely recognize that it is no ones responsibility to do so.) That way I could have started my meds up sooner, started therapy sooner, and come to the mindset where I am safe and loved and I don't need someone else because the person who loved me was right in front of me and that was more than enough, but I didn't. And the weeks and weeks of slow burning sadness and uneasiness built up. So I get it.

So when I refer to my "mental illness" I mean all of the symptoms of these things and the negative affects they had on us, regardless if they were misunderstood or not, they still hurt J. I still hurt J.

I want to tell him that I text my ex and hang out with him. I had blocked him and deleted his number and unfollowed him on every platform, and then J left for good. I was so alone and sad and not safe by myself that I contacted him and we went and got stoned and I cried while he handed me napkins. So, now, about once a week we hang out and talk. We typically smoke as well. I don't go to his house anymore. I don't spend more than 3 hours with him at a time. And I feel no romantic feelings towards him. Isn't that so fucking funny?

This is my blog so I'll say what I please and the fact that the reason I got dumped is nonexistent (basically) now that Im single is ironic. Because I started taking my meds. Its week 3 an they've integrated into my system well. And now that I'm not so sad that I could die and not care, I don't feel the need for him in my life too much anymore.

I feel secure in myself. I can spend time alone. I can control my emotional outbursts. I can ask for help and not feel like a burden. I can take help, which is actually something I always struggled with, but J taught me that sometimes the people around me want to help and its okay to let them. I can smile and laugh. I can do what I need to get done.

So I know why he left. I do and I can't say I don't. Ive just come to the conclusion that J and I derived different messages and conclusions from our conversations earlier that week. I felt like we were fine because I felt like we had moved into a new era of us. Basically the era of my life Im in now, just with him and everyone is happy again. But it is okay.

Because I can love him. I am not in love with him anymore, and writing that made me cry, perfect example of how the healing process is not linear lol. Anyway, I have begun to let him go. I don't look at photos and videos everyday anymore. We don't talk a lot, but when we do it is friendly. He has always been kind in his way if communication, I have no idea why I thought he was so mean. Anyway!

These are just some thoughts Im thinking while sitting on the floor in the bathroom of my best friends house, looking out the window, and listening to the morning creatures.

A post scripture for you, I have questions and I'll never ask them because whats the point but I have questions for him and I do want answers but like the answers I want you know?

Is my painting still hanging in your room?

Is my painting still hanging in the plant room, the one I made your mom?

Did you throw away the flowers I put on your fridge?

Are the rocks outside still there, or did you get rid of them?

Do you still have our pictures? Where did you put them?

When exactly did you lose feelings for me? Because I couldn't tell you had, even that morning, because you told me you loved me so when? In Michigan we reconnected so I had thought, so was it after that? Before that? Basically, everytime you said you loved me that wasn't true... When did you start lying about it? When did saying "I love you" to me become a lie? How many times did you lie to me?

How did you get over me so fast? I want to get over this fast too. I need your tricks.

How did you get over me so fast? Did you not love me at all?

So. Just some thoughts this morning. No more tears. The sick feeling is subsiding. I learned if I sip water and sit up and stay cool the feeling goes away, hence why I am in the bathroom. Because there are 3 bodies in that bed room right now and it is not cool at all.

Anyway, figured I would write my thoughts down while I tried to feel better.

You know, 'write' , its what I do, its what I love. And it always reminds me of something else. And that makes me sad. But Im okay. Today is a hard day. I may look for some reassurance that he still wants to be my friend. I may need to search for care. That's okay.

Wish me luck.