#in my head is always there (/pos and /neg. we have multitudes.)

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ya know what. sometimes i feel guilty for needing my f/os to feel at all safe and secure and happy and loved and good enough and content etc etc in my life :(

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A Day In The Life Of The Royal Babysitter

Aka Marcy is horrible at makeovers, but Andrias peer pressures Olivia into going out like that anyway

Olivia didn’t have a lot of complaints about her life. At least, she wasn’t supposed to. She lived in a lavish castle with a beautiful girlfriend, an adorable surrogate daughter, and all the spending money she could ever dream of. It was pretty much everything a person could want.

But the one thing she’d change…

“Yo Olivia, check this out!” A deep voice bellowed from the hall outside her office, followed by thundering footsteps that shook the entire building.

God damn it, she had TOLD him not to run in the castle!

Olivia groaned and picked up her jostled belongings, and anticipated what ridiculous bullshit she would have to deal with from her boss today. Soon enough King Andrias himself busted down her door, breaking it clean off its hinges. She rubbed her temples, trying to keep her composure.

“Sire, that door was just replaced yesterday,” she said in an even tone, her eye twitching. “Could you please refrain from punching it down?”

Suddenly, a second set of footsteps came pattering down the hall, much quieter but equally as chaotic. Soon Marcy came skidding to a halt in the doorway, eventually toppling over and colliding into Andrias’s massive boot. She shook it off fast though, and started digging in her bag.

“Don’t worry, I gotchu!” She said, pulling out all the necessary supplies to patch the drywall and reinstall the door. She finished the job in about 30 seconds. “There, all fixed up!”

“Thank you Master Marcy,” Olivia said, still not looking up from her work. “Now, do you two have something important to tell me? I’m very busy.”

“What do you think of my new look?” Andrias asked, and Olivia begrudgingly turned around to look. She was going to make an insignificant comment and move on, but upon seeing the king her jaw dropped.

The massive newt was absolutely caked in every sort of glitter, charm, and hair accessory that existed. His beard was braided, dyed with hair chalk, and full of barrettes, his hair was tied back in two pigtails, and he had a massive bow on his head. He was wearing a multitude of bracelets and necklaces, but they looked hilariously skinny since the beads weren’t made for someone his size. His armor was covered in stickers, and to top it all off he had what appeared to be a tutu decorating the tip of his tail.

“Wha… what in the WORLD-“ Olivia stammered, dropping her pen.

“Marcy gave me a makeover! She says this is called “decora” fashion. I think I’m rocking it. Thoughts?”

“I… you look ridiculous, sire.”

“In a /pos or /neg way?”

“What… what does that even mean?”

“Is it good or bad? I think I did pretty good,” Marcy chirped, waiting eagerly for Olivia’s approval.

Truth be told, Andrias looked like a hot mess. If it was just him, Olivia would say so and tell him to go shower. But Marcy looked so excited and eager for her approval… she couldn’t say no to that face.

“It’s… slash… paws? That’s the good one, right?”

“YES!” Marcy and Andrias both cheered.

“I knew you’d love it!” Marcy said. “We went to the mall and bought out ALL of Frog Claire’s! They were having a sale!”

“Frog Claire’s is always having a sale, it’s sort of their business strategy.” Olivia sighed. “Really Andrias, you’re going to the mall while I do all your work for you?”

“I’m too pretty to work,” Andrias said in a high pitched voice, doing the gay hand motion. Both him and Marcy giggled. Suddenly, Marcy’s face lit up with an idea.

“Lady Olivia, we should make YOU too pretty to work too! You seem so tired all the time.”

“You don’t say,” Olivia grumbled, sipping her “juice”.

“You know…” Andrias said, in a teasing tone that let Olivia know she was going to be in for some shit. “If you want a human style makeover, I can take over the constitutional revisions for now.”

Olivia shot him a look that said I know what you’re doing, and I’m not here for it, but Andrias just kept that shit eating grin on his face while Marcy gasped.

“Ohmygosh, that’s a GREAT idea! Lady Olivia’s hair is so beautiful, I wanna style it! Pretty please?”

Marcy gave Olivia her best puppy dog eyes, and she tried her best to resist while Andrias smirked.

“Come on, Olivia. She said pretty please.”

Olivia wished she was big enough to wring his neck.

But Marcy seemed so excited, and the idea of getting Andrias to do work was tempting.

“Oh all right,” she finally said, not able to keep a smile off her face. “It couldn’t hurt.”

Olivia was wrong.

It definitely hurt.

Marcy seemed to forget that hair was attached to a living person’s head, and therefore, when you pulled it, they felt pain. What was meant to be a semi-relaxing break was actually excruciating.

“Could you be a bit more gentle with that?” She asked, trying not to let too much of the pain seep into her voice. Luckily, Marcy immediately let go.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” She apologized, then moved on to makeup. Unfortunately, despite being a child prodigy, Marcy had the short term memory of a goldfish. She was back to pulling way too hard about five minutes later.

After an hour or so of hell, Marcy held a mirror up to Olivia.

“Soooo, what do you think?”

Olivia didn’t know what she was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t… that. Her fake was so caked in glitter that she could probably reflect the sun and start a campfire off it if she wanted to. She was wearing so many bracelets she could barely bend her arms, and so many necklaces she felt like she was wearing a neck brace. And her hair… oh, her hair. Marcy seemed to know every braid in existence, and each one showed up at least once in the tendril forest that was her scalp. And every braid had either beads or hair clips in it, so her head made a plastic-y clacking sound if she moved the slightest inch. It was… a disaster. She looked like a clown. But Marcy was smiling brightly, eager to hear what she thought.

“It’s um… it’s certainly something special!”

Marcy grinned.

“I know right?! You guys look AMAZING! I can’t wait for General Yunan to get home tonight so I can give HER a makeover!”

Olivia felt like she had just been hit by a bus.

“Wait. Yunan’s coming home… TONIGHT?!”

“Yeah, it’s May 10th! That was her deadline for hunting that rogue toad, remember?”

“I might have, uh… pulled an all nighter or two…”

Marcy gasped.

“Lady Olivia! You haven’t slept in three days?!”

“I had a lot of work to do, and it’s not like anyone else is gonna help me!”

“I would’ve…”

Olivia smiled.

“That’s very sweet of you, Master Marcy. I’ll have to take you up on that offer sometime. But Yunan and I have a date tonight, so-“

“Well it’s a good thing you’re hair and makeup is already done then! You’re gonna knock her socks off!”

It took everything in Olivia not to cringe.

“I’m sure I will,” she said, and it wasn’t a lie. Yunan was sure to be absolutely floored when she saw her. “Now, um, I need to go speak with Andrias before Yunan arrives, I’ll see you later.”

Luckily, Marcy didn’t try to follow her or ask questions.

“Okeydoke! Bye Lady Olivia! Have fun on your date!”

Olivia waved goodbye then hurried down the corridor to Andrias’s room.

Andrias was lounging on his bed (still wearing the outfit, for some reason) reading some self-help book when Olivia barged in, frantic.

“Woah, what’s got you in such a rush?” He asked, and Olivia shut the door quickly.

“I have a date tonight and need to wash this shit off, and your private bathroom is the only one I know for sure Marcy won’t catch me in!”

Andrias simply laughed.

“What are you talking about? We look great.”

“No offense, sire, but a thirteen year old girl used your beard as a styling head. It doesn’t look good.”

“Speak for yourself!”

“Fine, I will! If I go out like this Yunan will tease me for the rest of our lives, but I don’t want to crush Marcy’s heart by letting her know her makeover skills are atrocious. There, you happy?”

“Aww, you think you and Yunan are going to be together forever? How adorably naive.” Andrias primly closed his book, ready to give a lecture. “You see, over my thousand years of experience I’ve come to learn that love is fake-“

Olivia grumbled and opened the bathroom door.

“Good lord, just get over yourself and let me fix this in peace- oh.”

She immediately felt like the dumbest bitch alive. This was Andrias’s bathroom. Every single appliance was way too big for her.

“Having any luck in there?” Andrias teased, and Olivia facepalmed.

“God fucking damn it.”

“You know, maybe this is a sign.”

“It is definitely not a sign.”

“Why don’t you just-“

“I’m not going out like this. There is nothing you can say to convince me.” Andrias smirked. “I’m telling you, Andrias, there is absolutely NOTHING-“

“What if I did all your work for a whole week?”

Olivia paused.

“…would you?”

Andrias shrugged.

“Yeah, why not?”

“Well technically, my work is all your work that you don’t want me to do. You’re really telling me that you’d finally get off your ass and be a good king just to see me humiliate myself in front of my girlfriend?”Andrias smiled that shit eating grin of his. Olivia facepalmed. “…Of course. You’re a sick bastard, Andrias.”

“I know! Now go run along to your little date. Don’t want to keep Yunan waiting!”

Olivia, having completely abandoned all proper etiquette by now, flipped him off.

Yunan was late, as she often was. Despite being a very punctual person herself, Olivia didn’t usually mind. But sitting alone for twenty minutes in a fancy restaurant looking like that was rather embarrassing. Unfortunately the garish makeup did nothing to disguise her, and she could hear plenty of whispering from other patrons, asking why on earth Lady Olivia would go out looking so bizarre.

Just as she was about to leave and look for Yunan herself, the door was ceremoniously slapped open as Yunan was known to do. But she didn’t obnoxiously introduce herself as she normally did, or march proudly down the center of the room like it was a red carpet. She looked like she had just been drowned in a swamp, covered in leaves and debris and sopping wet. She dragged herself over to Olivia’s table and plopped herself down in a chair with a wet squelch.

“Hey Liv,” she mumbled, sounding like she hadn’t slept in years.

“Greetings, General,” Olivia said, sounding just as tired. “How did the mission go?”

“Normal.” Yunan looked Olivia up and down for a second, but had no reaction. “How are things at the castle?”

“Normal.”

The two newts sat in silence for a solid minute.

“We look ridiculous, don’t we?” Yunan eventually sighed. Olivia nodded lethargically. Another long stretch of silence went by before she added, “fuck it, wanna go rot in the hot tub for eight hours straight?”

“Oh god please.”