#incorrect mallorca files

[the-mallorca-files]

Miranda: you’re asking me for dating advice?!

Max: it’s called being desperate!

[hmswintake-mallorca-files]

Sorry, Max 😬

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[the-mallorca-files]

Miranda: hi, sorry I’m late. I was doing a couple of things and got distracted

Max: I’m “a couple of things”

Mancuso: I’m “got distracted”

[the-mallorca-files]

Miranda: did you get eggs like I asked?

Max: even better!

Miranda, sighing: what did you—

Max: [holds up a chicken]

Miranda:

Max:

Max: her name is Fluffy!

[the-mallorca-files]

Miranda: look, I know from the outside it seems like I have everything together—

Max, Inés, Roberto & Mancuso: no it doesn’t

[the-mallorca-files]

Roberto: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks in the room

Miranda: absolutely not

Max, walking in: good morning, my compañera!

Miranda: ok, I’ll do it. I mean, rules are rules

[the-mallorca-files]

Max: I put the “need” in “codependency”

Miranda: I don’t know which part of that sentence I should be more worried about

[the-mallorca-files]

Roberto: if someone was killed during a Catholic church service, would that be a mass murder?

Max: if the murder weapon was tortilla flour, it would be a masa murder

Miranda: I’m going to murder both of you in a minute

[the-mallorca-files]

Inés: I want to remind everyone here that the Mallorcan police offers therapy to any officer who needs it

Miranda: why does she always look at me when she says that?

[the-mallorca-files]

Miranda: I don’t want to “heal my inner child”

Miranda: I want to give her a big sword

[the-mallorca-files]

Roberto: inside me there are two wolves

Miranda: mhm

Roberto: this is not enough to control the deer population inside me, which is degrading the river ecology inside me

Miranda: ...wait what

Roberto: I am attempting to release more wolves inside me to address this, but the ranchers inside me object

Miranda: what the hell are you on about

[the-mallorca-files]

Max: when electricity goes uphill, it gets tired quicker

Miranda: I— what??

Max: it’s basic science

[the-mallorca-files]

Miranda: I personally don’t think its possible to come up with a crazier plan

Max: we attack them with hummus

Miranda: ...I stand corrected

Max: just keeping things in perspective

Miranda: thanks? I think?

[the-mallorca-files]

Max: are you sure that’s a good idea?

Miranda: no, it’s an awful idea, but I’m going to do it and there’s nothing you can do to stop me

[the-mallorca-files]

Roberto: I am making a version of the magpie rhyme for crows

Roberto: one for crow

Roberto: two for murder

Roberto: three for murder

Roberto: four for murder

Roberto: five for murder

Roberto: six for—

Miranda: yeah ok, we get the idea