#instead of looking at y’know an actual transcript of a podcast for reference

[ask-cloverfield]

[astrovian]

Richard Armitage & Shaun Dooley on The Red Production Company Podcast for the Stranger - Transcript

Unfortunately the video is too long/too big a file for me to post directly but the video can be accessed online here

Transcript under cut

Interviewer: Welcome to another episode of the Red Production Company Podcast. I’ve got the wonderful Sean Dooley and Richard Armitage with me. Lead actors in The Stranger. So Sean, as you’re closest to me, let’s start with you. How did – how did you get started in acting? What was the uh… path?

SD: Which camera? Straight down that one? Ah, no, joking. Well, um, I was a young child and Richard Armitage was in his twenties, and he came into my school and did a talk *Laugh* That didn’t happen.

RA: *Laugh* I’m not gonna tell you who came to my school and taught me.

SD: *Laugh* Um, er…right, basically, in a nutshell because I know we haven’t got long, um, I failed miserably at being a vet.

Interviewer: Mm-hmm.

SD: At being a – uh… or marine biology, or whatever I could go into to do with animals. Failed everything, failed my GCSEs, um, I should have gotten all the sciences and everything, and I went to put in exams, I suffered really badly with the uh… the nerves, tension, when I was going into kind of exam situations. So I would get into exams and just clam up and not be able to do anything for the – for the whole exam. Whereas my course work was all A’s and that, so I got one GCSE, um, and a C instead of 8. And um, so basically consequently my whole career trajectory was done and over. You’re gonna put violins behind this, by the way, yeah?

Interviewer: Yes, yeah, of course.

SD: Good.

RA: I’ve actually got a single tear coming down.

SD: *Laugh*

Interviewer: *Laugh*

RA: I’m just gonna wipe it away.                      

SD: *Laugh* He’s been saving that all day.

RA: *quietly* okay *sniff*

SD: And he’s heard it before.

RA: I haven’t actually, I’m fascinated.

SD: *Laugh* Um… and, uh…

RA: I’m just fascinated that you were a vet!

SD: *Laugh*

RA: You’d be really good as a vet.

SD: I’d love to be, I still wanna be! I want Attenborough to kind of go ‘He’d be quite good’-

RA: I always thought you were quite good with animals, aren’t you?

SD: Yeah, well-

RA: Yeah, stroking dogs, and – sorry, go on.

Interviewer: Stroking dogs.

SD: *Laugh* Stroking dogs.

Interviewer: Stick that on the CV.

SD: And uh, so yeah, basically the pits was shut in (?), which would have been my kind of next step, following my dad’s, grandad’s - dad’s, and grandad’s, um and… it was all gone to pot and I used to do once a week a thing with Barnsley Youth Theatre, which used to be around, y’know, once a week. And I went into them and I’d told them the week before about my – failing my GCSEs, and the following week I went in, and they said, ‘listen, we’ve had a chat. We, uh, think you should become an actor. And here is a play called The Caretaker’, that I’d never heard of, and they went ‘and this is a speech by Aston. Read this speech, learn this speech. Read the play. Get it under your belt, and we’ve got a date and time for you to audition for a B-Tech course in acting in Barnsley. And it – basically, I didn’t know at the time, but they’d handed me a life, in a way. Without that moment happening in my life, there is no way on Earth that I’d be saying – no way on Earth, it was never an option, it was never – it was never, uh, a career that somebody like me would’ve, would’ve chosen. Or thought I – I would be capable of doing, and still don’t really think I should be, but anyway. So they handed me that, I went to B-Tech, got into that B-Tech course, uh, went to my dad’s ­­­­­­---- first, and went, “listen, they think I should become an actor”, and my dad, in a very un-Billy Elliot sort of way, said, “You’re gonna be unemployed whatever you decide to do, because of the pits and everything, so you may as well be unemployed doing something that you like doing”. Basically, I was handed it by strangers.

Interviewer: Yeah.

SD: In a way. Which is amazing.

Interviewer: By The Stranger.

AR: *Laugh*

SD: Ooh, by- *gestures pulling off mask, turning to Richard* it was you!! No, it wasn’t.

AR: Ooh!

Interviewer: And then you went onto Arden-

SD: I did a degree, uh, in Manchester, and then left and was the only person to leave my year without an agent.

Interviewer: Oh, wow.

SD: So then I was like, rock bottom, totally pointless, all over, and then I did everything to get my equity card, which I was the last year that needed an equity card in order to kind of prove you were an actor, which I still think is missing today. I think should – y’know, I think something that it – it was invaluable back then, ‘cause you had to kind of graft to get there. I did theatre education for six months, I did plays in the middle of nowhere, just purely to get points. Purely to get my equity card, to then be able to say, ‘I am a legit actor, I can work’. I think it is – I do wish it was still there, I think, because it just – it means you’ve gotta graft, and if you’re prepared to graft, you’re prepared to go a little bit further than somebody who just goes, ‘oh, you know what, I wanna be famous’.

Interviewer: Mm-hmm. Richard, what about you? How did you get started in acting?

RA: Talking of Billy Elliot…

SD: You didn’t!

RA: No, I was, I was sent – for some reason, I can’t figure it out now, I was sent to tap-dancing classes when I was four. Um, so I don’t really have the memory of why I was there, um, I wasn’t very good, though I liked the music. I think I had quite good rhythm. But I was always being told “smile and look like you’re enjoying yourself”. And I got to about nine, and I – I suddenly thought, ‘why do they keep saying “smile and look like you’re enjoying yourself” because if I was enjoying myself I’d be smiling’.

So I kind of travelled on that line for a while, and I was bullied for it as well. The problem with me is that as soon as you try to push me down or say “you can’t do this” and “I don’t think you should do that”, I immediately push back. So I did – I’d decided really young that I was going to try to make a career out of it. Um, but nothing to do with film or television. It was always theatre. I joined the Scouts so I could do the Gang Show. So I ended up going to, um, like a vocational school in Convetry called Patson College, um, and then when I left that – that school, I hadn’t been to a big London school, and needed an equity card.

So I ended up joining the circus in Budapest for six months to get the points to get my card. Got to a circus, I didn’t have – I didn’t know what I was doing, I was throwing hula hoops at – at, um, skateboarders, and waving feathers around and holding onto ladders for jugglers and uh, but – but came back with an equity card, and then started going for auditions that were advertised on the back page of The Stage newspaper. And doing classes at the same time, heading towards musical theatre, which I did for probably four or five years. I was a hoofer. That’s – that’s nothing to do with animals, I know it sounds like it. *Neigh*

So yeah, I did that and then – and then realised I was still having that tiny voice at the back of my head saying “smile and look like you’re enjoying yourself”, and I’m like ‘I’m still not enjoying myself’. And that’s when I decided to kind of have like a little career shift, and I went back to drama school. Um, ‘cause I’d always been a reader from really, really young, and I’d always just devoured books, and I – y’know, I realised that it was my, it was the other side of my creativeness that was driving me, the sort of literary side.

So I went back to drama school quite late, um, at the age of 23. It’s quite late for drama school. But still, I was always focused on theatre, I didn’t in a million years think that anyone with my face and my nose, which was uh, referred to as ‘concord’ when I was a kid, belonged on a screen. So had no, absolutely no kind of aspirations to be on film in any way, shape, or form.

Interviewer: Following on from that, how – one, do you think drama school is a good place to go? And two, do you think it’s essential? ‘Cause I know a lot of young people, they will audition for drama school, audition, audition, thinking it’s the only way into the industry. So what kind of – how important do you think drama school is?

RA: I, um, first of all, I don’t think you have to go. And yes, I think it’s a good place to go. I don’t think they can really teach you how to act. But what they can do is teach you all of the skills that you need when you try to work in the industry, which is changing all the time. I mean – I think when I was at drama school, they – they taught me how to make my voice survive over, y’know, eight shows a week from a – for a twelve-week run, which, when it uh, y’know, when I did The Crucible at The Old Vic five years ago, I really went back to all of that training, ‘cause I was – I was about to lose my voice on the first preview. And uh, so all of that, those skills that they give you – but in terms of, uh, the instinct to be an actor, I don’t necessarily think anyone can teach you that.

Interviewer: Hmm. What do you reckon, Shaun?

SD: No, I totally agree. Um, totally agree. I think one of the good things about drama school is being in an environment, I ‘spose, with people who are all so, uh, y’know, striving to set off on that, y’know, that course. And also a place where you can fail, I think. I went back a bit at Arden and taught at uh, I taught naturalism and Stanislavski and all this – you wouldn’t believe that, would you? *Laugh*

RA: Stanislavski?

SD: Yeah *Laugh* And ‘cause he was my hero at drama, y’know I was a massive – and what I did love about my drama coach, and we did not do telly, we did one day, um, telly with a lovely lady called Maggie Ford, so when I did my first telly I had no idea what to do, ‘cause we were told – doing predominantly theatre, um uh… um, what we did do is we studied all the different practitioners of theatre, and we were left to then choose what you wanted to choose. And y’know you could all just pick little bits of different people, and theorists, and just take a bit from everybody you want, and hang onto that, y’know. So it was never forced that you had to be a particular kind of way. And I – I really loved that element of just finding all these, just y’know, Artaud, and-

Interviewer: A holisitic approach.

SD: -Brecht, and all these things, just going actually, ‘Oh, y’know actually’, it – it was nice to be able to have three years to be able to do that. However, saying that, a B-Tech course, I think, prepped me even better for, for life. Because in that B-Tech course we did – and do y’know what, annoyingly, I heard some kids talking, it’s become – B-Tech’s become a bit of a derogatory word now.

Interviewer: A B-Tech, yeah.

SD: And, and it’s become a bit of a thing-

RA: Is it because it’s got the letter ‘B’ in it?

SD: *Laugh* Yeah

RA: As opposed to-

SD: -A-Tech! And uh, which is really not fair, really. But uh, um in that course we did set design, lighting, and sound design, and – and across the spectrum, learnt – pretty much had a little walk in different shoes. Which was amazing. I think that, for everybody then able to leave a job, and y’know, Richard’s very similar on, on set, just to kind of go - respect for everybody else’s jobs within the machine of making something.

RA: I’m usually looking at everyone else, thinking ‘I wish I’d done your job instead of this one’.

SD: Yeah *Laugh*

Interviewer: Is there anything you’d dip your toe into on the other side?

RA: Ooh, I’m always fascinated with editing, um, but I love production design as well. I look at – when you arrive on a set and the, the detail just blows my mind. I think that’s a really interesting job, ‘cause you’re doing something similar to what we’re doing, which is creating the illusion of life which is so believable. Um, and I – I, originally, if I was clever enough, I would probably have been an architect. To look at buildings, and I look at sets, and I’m sort of fascinated.

Interviewer: So you kind of said that you like to take different bits of different methods of acting, different schools. What about you, Richard? Do you – do you do similar?

RA: Um, you know what, there are – there are, um, a couple of teachers that have crossed my path, or um, through my life, probably I can count them on one hand that I still retain um, all of the detail that they – that they teach. And I didn’t realise it at the time, but um, Di Trevis was one of them, at drama school she came and worked with us on our second term, and literally everything, everything I do now, there’s always something that she would have referenced in, in the work. Even when I’m reading an audiobook, structuring things, and uh… just, just the honesty of, of everything that you do. Y’know, it’s the two schools of, of – one is pretense, and the other is truth. And some people feel that – think that acting is turning up and pretending to do something, and the other school is to – turning up and y’know, convincing yourself that something is real. Uh, and I – I prefer to sit in – I think they’re both valid, actually! – but I prefer to sit in the one where I believe it’s real.

SD: Mmm.

RA: Um, and it, it came from that teacher, yeah. I’d really like to go back into a drama school and try and take everything that, that I’ve gained in the industry, and try and impart that knowledge to kids that, that are just starting out, ‘cause I think TV and film technique is, is something that – it’s so, it’s so kind of complex, and complicated and being able to sort of literally drop into the middle of a scene and pull out one shot from a – from a whole kind of, uh, scene of high anxiety or heart or humour, and to just find these pieces that you – you have to do it a lot on film. I don’t know where – where the technique comes for that.

SD: It’s hard, isn’t it, ‘cause you just gotta – it’s almost kind of learnt over the years in a way, isn’t it?

RA: Mmm.

SD: And it is difficult. I mean, I – we were – little daft things like hitting your mark for a, for a scene and not looking down at your feet, which you watch some of the old films, you beautifully see them walking to set and then go *looks down* and then stop.

RA: *Laugh*

SD: Yeah, but it’s beautiful, it’s really lovely. But uh, first – first time I was asked to hit my mark, I was scared for – I had to lose my mark if it keeps me in the job. Joke.

Interviewer: I only learned to split the difference about a month ago.

SD: Did you?

Interviewer: Yeah, I was – I had no idea what it meant.

RA: Split the difference? Brilliant. Do you know what, my first class, if I was to go back into drama school, and I’d be like – so the title of my first class would be ‘Hitting Your Mark on a Horse’.

SD: *Laugh*

RA: Yeah, I’d be – I’d be like, ‘bring your own horse and then hit your mark on horse’, so you had to get the horse’s feet on the mark so you’re in the right place.

Interviewer: That does sound like a skill that-

RA: I’ve had that a few times.

SD: I’ve heard that recently on The Witcher.

RA: Me too! ‘Cause you’re like trying to get their horse to hit the mark.

SD: And they say, “you can ride, can’t you?” I said, “Yeah!”

RA: Put the sandbag down for the horse.

Interviewer: So, um, is there kind of, any kind of specific advice you would say for someone who’s done loads of theatre, that wants to do screen, or is it so kind of… a myriad of things that… if they want to cross over. ‘Cause I know a lot of people want to do more screen stuff, but have come from a theatre background.

RA: I don’t think there’s – I don’t think there’s a crossover.

SD: No.

RA: ‘Cause I don’t-

SD: I think it’s just volume, yeah. I think it’s a volume thing. I think you still have to go – I mean, the beautiful thing about – God, if you could put them together, the beautiful thing about theatre is having three weeks, if you’re lucky, if you’re unlucky three weeks, which is what I’ve normally had, or if you’re lucky, six or seven weeks, to find the character, to develop the character, to work on the character, to find the through lines. Look at absolutely everything in minutia, and then get rid of it for theatre, that’s why I think we all love doing theatre. Whereas telly, you’re basically in your hotel room doing it, or you’re on your own. We – we, y’know, it don’t happen very often, we, we met up before big nights of filming to work together on stuff, but quite often you – you don’t work on stuff, there’s no place to fail in television, is there any more? We used to work with – when you first started you’d get rehearsals, but for me, I think it’s the same technique, you’re just still striving to sort of get that truth, still striving to be believable, and for yourself to believe what you’re saying, and to listen to what – somebody else talking, and how they’re effecting you. But it just happens, you’re on a stage, you’re doing that *gestures arms wide* more than that *gestures hands close together*, I think.

RA: Yeah, you’re right. It’s just the truth, but at a – at a larger scale. Something that I, that I struggled with really early on when I, um, starting out, when you’re a little bit unsure of what you’re gonna do, and what you’re capable of, and um, because I was always in a rehearsal room, ‘cause I was a theatre actor, there was – there was always this voice at the back of my head saying, ‘You’ll do it on the day’, or ‘You’ll do it when – when there’s an audience in’, or you’ll – and actually, something that I’ve, I’ve taken from TV back into the rehearsal room for theatre is that, in a way, television is like one long rehearsal. So every take is just another rehearsal that you commit to fully, so that when I’m in a rehearsal room now, I , I work as if we’re filming everything, and everything’s usable, even if, even if we’re not – there’s no audience in the room, you’re trying various versions of the scene. All of them are correct, none of them are wrong.

Interviewer: Yeah.

RA: Um, and I think if you – I think if you, you – you work in that way all the time, no matter where you are, um, but yeah, volume is – it’s, it’s – you still um, I think on stage you still can work in close-ups, because there’s somebody sitting three feet away from you, but also you have to – you have to gauge your body movement a bit more. If you put than on film, then someone would be like, “Whoa! What are you doing?! Back off!”

Interviewer: You’re probably out of shot by that point, yeah.

RA: Yeah.

SD: But also I think as well, in, in this sense that when you’re on stage, and I might be wrong here, but this sense that when you’re on stage you’ve got a – Stanislavski called it a concentration – you’ve got another circle that’s encompassing the audience, and where you’re stood and how you – where your physicality is, to where your body is blah, blah, blah. You’ve got a camera, which is one audience member looking at you, and I think that’s some of the technical psychobabble, and I – I don’t look at that and go, ‘that’s an enemy’, I, I enjoy – it’s always a third – y’know, we’ve got the scene, it’s always a third person that’s in the scene in a daft way, and I like the fact that technically we have a little dance around this, around this inanimate object that is, is one audience member looking at you. And I, I really like that. There’s a lot of people who it, uh, I think the thing is, if you kind of go all method blah, and shut that out, that’s like going on stage and going ‘Kadush!’ and putting a curtain down, and it kind of y’know, I don’t know. I’m probably talking bollocks, but-

RA: No, not at all.

Interviewer: The, the idea, it’s the implied narrator of the scene, is the camera. So, and – and that viewpoint impacts the – how the scene is played out, y’know. I did think about the idea, if you set up a 360 camera in a room to film a scene, it’d be completely different because you wouldn’t be having that snap viewpoint. Um, I think it could actually be impossible, but y’know, I thought with something like Twelve Angry Men, you could theoretically, ‘cause it was based on one long take, and see what happens really.

RA: It’s also – it’s very nice when you work with um, y’know, we get exposed to so many different types of actor in the career, but when you with with people that come from theatre, they, then – they never stop the work when the camera’s not on them. They’re – they’re always in the world, and um, I just didn’t – I really enjoyed that. And that’s the one thing about theatre that you don’t necessarily get on film, is that you’re far more in control of it, so when the play starts, you know that you’re driving it and you will continue doing this for the next two and a half, maybe three hours sometimes, maybe four hours. And um, on film there’s always someone else that will say cut and you think, ‘Ah, I was just about to have a moment!’

SD: Yeah!

RA: Um, but to be in the driving seat is actually quite satisfying.

Interviewer: Just moving on, as we are strapped for time, um, ‘cause you sort of said, you – you were the one that didn’t leave with an agent out of your drama school, how important do you think an agent is, especially early on? Is it get one as quickly as you can, or…

SD: It’s so hard – I think it’s so hard for people, this, the – the number of people who’re in drama colleges has upped, the number of charlatan agents that are out there who get kids who don’t have very much money to pay monthly so that they can be represented, which I think are just scum, to be honest with you. And take the money when you’ve earnt it, or take the money off these kids before they’ve earnt it is not fair. It’s a message to any of you out there, who may be listening. Um, sorry, I got a bit angry there. Uh… what was I saying?

Interviewer: Is it important to get an agent at the start, kind of as quickly as you can? Kind of a – a good agent, anyway.

SD: Oh, it’s so hard. I don’t know.

RA: I think-

SD: It’s the aim, ain’t it?

RA: -y’know what, I’ve seen many of my friends and colleagues, I’ve seen people function in the industry without an agent, um, it’s much more difficult. I think it – I think it’s crucial, really, to um, to creating a long and healthy career. You just – you do need somebody guiding you, because you – most of the time you can’t even get in the door without, without someone on your behalf knocking on it, with the right people. In a way it was – going back to drama school, one of the – there were two reasons why I went back to drama school. Because I didn’t have the confidence to, to move into an industry without the – in a way, the qualification, or the – the certificate, but I also knew that I couldn’t function in the industry without an agent. And drama school was the only place to really cultivate that, I think.

Interviewer: Yeah. Is there anything that you feel has changed dramatically from the start of your career towards the point now, is there anything that surprised you on the way?

RA: My face! I mean *laughing*, please, can I just like pick it up off the floor! It’s really hard to age on screen. Over, over twenty years. It’s really hard when you look like a-

SD: Can still see it, yeah, I know

RA: -my goodness. You’ve really got to embrace that side of it, y’know.

SD: I used to be the youngest on set! Always, for like ages, I’m always the youngest on set.

RA: Do you behave differently now though? Still behave like you’re the youngest?

SD: Yeah! *Laugh* I do! Um, what’s changed? What’s major things have changed?

Interviewer: Something that surprised you that you weren’t expecting about the industry when you kind of started out.

SD: I think we’re moving in a better direction now, towards more… is the word ‘inclusivity’? Is that a word?

RA: Yeah.

SD: Um, which I think is sadly lacking in our industry, and needs to be wrestled with – should’ve been wrestled with a long time ago – and different jobs, people being educated with different jobs, that’s starting to, starting to open up now to different people from different backgrounds, and I think that’s – as far as I’m concerned, the more you open up, the more talent you’re gonna get. And it’s as simple as that really. It’s nothing to do with where you’re from, or what you’re age – it’s y’know, you open up, you open your search wider, you’re gonna find better, better people. And um, so I’m glad about that. That’s a really good, positive thing. And even daft things, like the amount of female directors I’m now suddenly being directed by, and it’s just – it’s great, it’s really nice, ‘cause different people bring different things, and different backgrounds, different experiences, life experiences – they bring that to the table and they can’t help but make you - make it all better.

RA: Actually, there was something I wanted to add to what Shaun said, about inclusivity, is that um, no matter how – how much confidence you have or how, in my case, lack. Y’know, I always felt like a misfit, or an oddball, or that I didn’t belong. But I always – I always told myself that ‘you exist in the world, so therefore there’s a place for you in this industry’. I think anybody who feels like, “I can’t become an actor because…” – you exist. And, y’know, the job of filmmakers is to write about our life and society, and if you are a part of that, then there’s a place for you in the industry.

[regrettable-username]

Summary: The Good Hair Crew decides to start a podcast so they can catch up on each other's lives while Andi is at SAVA. Plus, Cyrus just really wanted to do it.

Each chapter is written as a transcript for one episode of their podcast! They will be discussing their lives as well as occasionally irl events/news, and bringing in some guests in the future!

______________________________

Buffy: Hello world!

Andi: Testing…is my mic working?

Cyrus: Yep! The bars right here move when it picks up your voice.

B: I told you we should’ve went over this before we started recording.

A: I just like to go with the flow.

C: Exactly! And no one got hurt.

B: (jokingly) Fine, whatever. Welcome to our podcast everyone!

C: You forgot to say the name. How will the listeners know what show this is?

B: I didn’t forget.

C: Fine, I’ll say it: Three’s A Crew!

B: We did not agree to that name.

A: It’s not that bad!

C: Buffy just gave Andi a disapproving look.

A: Cyrus, what are you doing?

C: I’m narrating our podcast for vision-impaired folks.

B: Cyrus, this is a podcast. Nobody can see what’s happening except us.

C: Then I guess it’s a good thing I’m narrating.

A: (laughing) Well…um, okay, we should probably get to the start of this podcast.

C: Yes.

A: So we’re all in my room right now, with a bunch of audio equipment that Cyrus begged his parents to buy for one big reason.

B: Andi is going to Shadyside Academy for Visual Arts—

A: (dramatically) —SAVA—

B:—yeah, SAVA, this fall, so she won’t be joining Cyrus and me in high school.

C: So I had the great idea of starting a podcast!

B: If you’re listening, you either know us personally or you just happened to come across this on SoundCloud somehow.

C: Either way, we love that you’re here.

A: Anyway, this podcast is going to run in sort of a loose format. Since there are three of us hosting, we will each choose a topic to talk about for about a third of the time. It can be a current event in the news, something going on in our lives, or just a topic that we’ve been thinking about a lot lately and want to talk about.

B: So we did a rock paper scissors competition to see who would go first this week.

C: I won!!

B: Rock Paper Scissors is the only type of physical competition he’s can do without injuring himself.

C: It’s true. The school nurse can testify for me.

A: Alright, well maybe that can be a topic for another day. What have you got for us to talk about today, Cyrus?

C: Alright, get ready for it…(beat) FLAMINGOS!

A & B, in unison: Flamingos?

C: What up, I’m Cyrus, I’m 15, and I’m heckin’ afraid of flamingos!

A: Did you just make a vine reference?

B: I’m surprised you didn’t just want to make a group Tik Tok instead of a podcast.

C: I did consider it, because that would showcase the incredible hair of the Good Hair rew. But I wanted to be an active voice and not just behind the camera.

A: I’m proud of you, Cyrus.

C: Aww, thanks Andi. But you might want to hold off on that until after we talk about my fear of flamingos.

B: Yeah, so, when did this even start?

C: So basically, you know how you go to the zoo in first grade with the class and you do a little animal fact scavenger hunt thing with your chaperone group? Approximately halfway through that.

A: What happened?

C: I am soglad you asked. I’m just minding my own business, filling out my scavenger hunt worksheet, and we’re just getting to the flamingo exhibit. So I read the next question on the sheet, and it just wants you to list one fact about flamingos. Seems innocent, right? So I go up to the information board for the flamingos, and I read it to find something interesting. But instead I find out that flamingos get their pink color because they eat so much shrimp!

B: What?

A: Huh?

C: So I start thinking, what if I eat too much shrimp? Will I turn pink too? What if I eat too much of one specific type of food? What if I eat too many blueberries and become Violet-freakin-Beauregard?

A: That doesn’t sound like a fear of flamingos in particular though, just fear of changing color based on your food I guess?

C: There’s more. So while little six year old me is having a full-blown crisis, a flamingo walks right up to me on the other side of the fence and does the leg thing. You know, where they put their leg all the way inside their feathers? It was practically going into attack mode. Who knows what it was getting ready to do. Swing it’s leg out to kick me in the face? Grab a knife it was hiding under its feathers to kill me? Showing off its clear ability to do anything that requires remotely good balance? That flamingo was out to get me, and I’ve been afraid of flamingos ever since.

[long pause]

A: Uh…

B: Don’t you have four parents that are all psychologists? Why are you bringing this up to us?

C: Because I already know it’s irrational. I just wanted to get it out and hear your honest thoughts about flamingos.

B: Okay…I guess. But my thoughts are just really that I’m not afraid of them?

C: You’re not afraid of anything.

A: Everyone’s afraid of something.

B: Except me. I’m fearless.

C: Maybe we should make a trade.

B: I get to be afraid of flamingos and you get to walk through the theater department scene shop without jumping away from all the ladders?

C: Hey, not walking under ladders is a safety issue and not just a petty superstition.

A: Maybe we should get back to the topic at hand.

C: Of course. So Andi: thoughts on flamingos?

A: Personally I like flamingos. They just seem so graceful and beautiful. And have you ever seen those pictures where they put their heads together and their necks for a heart? Ooh, I just got an idea for an art project!

C: You're going to project my deepest fears into your art?

A: Pretty much.

C: You know what, that might actually help.

A: Buffy, can we say it?

B: Are you okay with it just this once, Cyrus?

C: Go ahead, ladies.

A & B, in unison: Just another service we provide.

A: Hell yeah!

B: Now do you see how satisfying it is?

A: I feel like I understand the universe now.

C: For our listeners who need some context, “just another service we provide” is something Buffy and I say together when we help Andi with one of her problems. We started doing it a few years ago. Now she finally got to return the favor.

A: To be fair, I’ve had a lot of stuff.

C: Speaking of which, what would you like to talk about today Andi?

A: Thanks for asking Cyrus. So I just got the school supply list for SAVA, and it’s majorly freaking me out. It doesn’t start for a few more weeks but I’m already feeling overwhelmed.

C: Why is that?

A: It’s just…y’know, looking through the list is so intimidating. Name brand oil paints. Charcoal. Shading pencils. Four different types of erasers. And that’s just the stuff we need to buy on our own for outside of class. I got into SAVA with just paper cranes, friendship bracelets, and trash turned into an art piece. I don’t know how to use any of this high-brow stuff. And why does everything have to be new? Why can’t I just recycle something?

B: They probably just want to teach you the basics in a lot of different art forms so that you can build from there, find a specialty, or even combine them.

C: Buffy’s right. And how do you know you can’t use anything recycled? You don’t even know what your assignments are yet.

A: I just feel like I’m not even there yet but they’re already trying to weed me out. I thought I wanted to go to SAVA more than anything, but now I don’t know. If I was good enough to get in on my own, why can’t I just keep up with what I was doing and become an artist that way?

C: What you’re feeling is called imposter syndrome. You think that you don’t belong, that you’re not good enough. But remember that they choseyou. They saw your potential and wanted to help you thrive as an artist.

A: But all of this fancy art stuff isn’t what I applied with. It’s like they’re trying to change me to fit their idea of what an artist should be.

B: Andi, you haven’t even started classes there yet. Learning all these things will just give you new tools to make your own art with. And if any of those snooty art teachers try to tell you that your art doesn’t line up with their ‘brand’ or whatever, I’ll personally march into SAVA and fight every single one of them.

C: And I will support you both with snacks and first aid supplies from a safe distance.

A: (laughing) Thanks. I guess it’s just hard not to doubt myself when I know that I’ll stick out like a sore thumb just because of my art style. But I’ve already stuck out as the weird girl, the quiet girl, the Asian-stereotype girl, you name it. I can handle it.

C: And now you’ll be known as the artist, the environmentalist, and the change-maker.

B: Those seem like much better labels to live by.

A: You’re right. Well, if I’m not dropping out of SAVA before the start of the school year, then I should probably prepare my parents for when they find out how much cash they have to drop on art supplies.

B: Maybe we should make some cookies when we’re done recording.

A: Good call.

C: Speaking of recording, we have just enough time left for Buffy to tell us about her topic for this week.

B: I’m actually really glad I get to talk about this, because I wasn’t sure if Andi would actually bring it up or not and I didn’t have a backup plan.

A: Really? What is it?

B: I want to talk about the fires in the Amazon.

A: You’re right, that’s an important topic.

C: I’ve heard a lot about them on social media. What do you want to talk about?

B: I guess just…everything? I can’t believe that it’s happening but at the same time it feels almost too real. It’s completely dystopian and yet it fits in with everything else happening in the world.

C: That’s a really valid feeling.

B: Did you hear that the fires were intentional too? I just thought they were regular forest fires at first. They were set to clear the land and get rid of Indigenous peoples. I can’t believe that people are so greedy. It’s absolutely evil.

A: I wish we could just raid a dumpster like we did with Mint Chip. How are we supposed to do anything from halfway across the world?

B: You? You could do anything, Andi. You can create an art piece and auction it off, and donate everything to the Amazon frontlines. What am I supposed to do? I can’t just play basketball and save the world.

C: Why not?

B: Is that supposed to be a serious question?

C: I mean, it’s not such a crazy idea. You could do a charity basketball game, or even a tournament. Any money you make from tickets and concessions could be donated.

B: Don’t you need a ton of planning for that though? I don’t know how long I have to do something before these fires go past the tipping point.

C: You won’t know unless you try.

A: He’s right, Buffy. Basketball is something you really good at, but you’re even better at organizing people and making things happen. A charity event would be incredible.

B: I’m just worried that I’ll be too cocky and take on more than I can handle. It happened already with the track team, the basketball team, and when I tried to run that marathon. I’ve never done something this big and I don’t want it to be a disaster.

A: Well luckily for you, you’ve already got two amazing people to help you every step of the way.

C: And as a professional disaster myself, I think I know enough to help minimize the casualties.

B: I guess we’re doing it then. [pause] I guess I really didn’t expect that conversation to end on an exciting note.

A: Considering everything that’s happening, I think we could all use some excitement.

C: And can I just say that I think this first episode of our podcast was very exciting!

B: It was a lot more fun than I expected it to be. I mean it’s just talking into microphones on Andi’s bed, and yet it’s…cathartic? Is that the right word?

C: Yeah, it fits.

A: Considering that we had no idea what we were doing, I think we rocked it.

C: Speak for yourself. As someone who spent the last week outlining exactly what I was going to talk about, I think I absolutely heckin’ killed it.

B: We’re still saying “heck,” huh?

C: We have no idea who our audience is going to be. What if my parents hear me swearing?

A: I think they’ll be more interested in the whole flamingo thing.

C: Cookies? Didn’t someone say we were gonna make cookies after recording?

B: Buffy rolls her eyes at Cyrus.

C: I thought you didn’t like the narration.

B: I wouldn’t call it narration. Considering at least half our audience probably just rolled their eyes too, it’s more like...audience interaction.

A: Cyrus is right though, we should be wrapping up. Bowie wants to start dinner by 7.

B: Is that it already? It feels like we barely got started.

C: We can try starting early next week and going a bit longer.

B: What do you think, Andi?

A: I don’t really have a preference. Whatever decision you come up with is fine, just do it quick so I can go and shove pasta in my face before it gets cold.

B: Let's talk about this over dinner then.

C: You dad didn’t make cauliflower taters again did he? As much as I love him, I just can’t get behind those baby tater frauds.

A: Nah, I think it’s real veggies on the side tonight.

C: Thank god. I’m fine with eating healthy, I want to eat healthy, I just need healthy food to be upfront.

B: Alright, well I guess this is the end of our show then. See you next week!

A: I hope you enjoyed the first episode!

C: Remember to subscribe and rate our podcast! It really helps get ourselves out there and noticed by other listeners. And if you have any comments, suggestions, or just want to chat, we have the twitter handle listed in our description. And—

A & B, in unison: —Cyrus!

C: Okay, fine. Thanks for listening!