#irlfeelings

[mercy-song-ffxiv]

Mercy sits at her work bench, an unassuming blue bottle sat on the surface before her. Where she had got the bottle didn’t matter. What did matter what that this was a rare Fantasia potion. Something she’d been wanting for a long while. Mercy had always had a confusion when it came to gender. She, as a Miqo’te woman, had dealt with certain desires and ideals pushed upon her. Been taken advantage of in many ways and had, had her strength and prowess questioned because of her stature. As such it had left her with a burning desire to see the other side of life. To feel what it is like to be a man. She wasn’t unaware that it brought it’s own trials and tribulations. She knew this wasn't a cure all to her issues. She needed therapy for sure but this was something she couldn’t ignore any longer. She had spoken to each of her lovers. Telling them of her feelings. How she didn;t feel right in her skin. How she looked at herself and hated what looked back. How there were days where she wished her breasts would just not be there. It wasn’t even a sexual thing. It was a comfort thing. A feeling that had persisted since she was a kit. Locked in a cell and used for others benefit. A feeling of “wrongness” was the only way she could describe it. Taking a deep breath Mercy lifted the bottle and broke the wax seal, pulling the cork out. A strange smoke left the neck of the bottle. She leaned forward and sniffed at the contents. She sneezed and almost dropped the bottle. Panicking, Mercy wasted no more time and drank the entire bottle. Placing it back on the desk she notes how it didn’t taste as ad as she thought it would have. An almighty pain ripped through them as their whole body burned. They cried out loudly and collapsed to the floor. Shaking as their very bones shifted. Mercy scrambled to remove their clothes, fearing constriction or worse. It takes everything they have to move. Their entire being shattered and rebuilt. Mercy can feel their skull shift, mouth and nose elongating into a snout. Fangs growing to protrude from said snout. Their spine shifts, with a ripple effect going through their ribs and down to their hips. They clench their teeth to near breaking point as everything grows. Tears fall from their eyes, they had endured pain worse than this but it was all the more poignant. It was necessary. This was not something that just happened. There was pain, there was sacrifice and there was hope. It all built to a crescendo and Mercy fell unconscious. Blessed relief in the black of the void.   Purple slitted eyes blink open and Mercy shifts, slowly, a deep reverberating groan echoing from him. He stilled and looked to his hands. Eyes widened and he scrambled to his feet. Tripping over them in his haste. Not used to being so large. Falling to the floor with a thud and a groan. Mercy climbs back to his now, formidable height. Swaying slightly. “Wow.” He says. Voice gruff but still pretty high. He liked the sound of it and said a few more things to test it to his ears. “Hello. Kupo!” He giggles at that one. “Cookies.” He really wasn’t sure what else to say, so Mercy made his way to the bathroom. Coming to a stop in front of the cabinet mirror before looking up. Eyes widened as he looked himself over. An imposing figure looked back at him and Mercy liked what he saw. White fur on his head, chest, arms and legs, reminiscent of what his hair had been before the potion. Though the fur was accented with blue tribal designs, similar colour to his skin. It was his chest that gave him the most pause. Running large hands over where breasts used to be, feeling only hard pectorals. A giddy glee fills him. He’d done it! Now he could see how it would feel to be as a man. There were so many things to test. Would his Magic be the same? Lesser or even more powerful in this form?  Would balance be changed. He still had a tail of course. Looking behind himself. Mercy gives the appendage an experimental swing. Finding that it responds to his thoughts with no hesitation. Curling and uncurling easily. Turning back to the mirror and examining his face. Mercy saw how his eyes while different in looks held the same wisdom and gentleness. It humbled him, to see something so familiar was heartening. He didn’t lose himself through the process. It was then that a wave of weariness washed over him.It was all Mercy could do to stumble to his bed and crash to the futon. The last thought through his brain was of relief and a sense of calm. Lavender eyes slid shut and all was lost to dreams.