#isnt going anywhere. which is fun bc i like playing with lifting. i also like them being dye based bc if you mix them. when you apply them

[gremlins-hotel]

(sorry for being unhinged in your inbox)

Ok as someone who has put many things in my mouth that I should not have have, and if I scale it by say x 3 if we take Alfred strength (the average human bite force is 180 psi, so I'll make Alfred's 500 at the minimum) here is what he can most likely bite through

I've bitten through leather with some difficulty (dont ask) so I'll assume he can do that with like 2 good chomps.

I've also bitten clean through a plank of wood once, it took a while, but it is possible, so Alfred bites through it slightly faster than a beaver.

General cloth like linen or cotton isnt hard to break so with the right angle, and mind you this is with human shaped teeth so tearing isnt very good, he could probably bite it out in one go, or grind it and fray it very easily.

Hemp rope and burlap is significantly harder and much itchier, and considering how tightly everything is woven, it's kind of as hard to do as leather straight up, and the fibre makes it even slightly harder.

As for sheet metal Ive managed to dent it but never cut through it, I think because if how flat sheet metal is, hed be able to do this as we do with aluminium.

Most plastics are easy for people so hed have no trouble

I've managed to bite through a feldspar and flourite, but nothing harder, so I'll bet he could probably bite through quartz and maybe topaz if we're pushing it.

I may return with further findings.

Once again apologies

okay first off i'm glad i'm not the only one who's put weird shit in my mouth

second this gave me many thoughts. asdkjfh

tl;dr this man needs to be studied and also to never be let outside without a leash. don't let him bite things.

the human mouth is so lamely shaped for biting inopportune things because we have cheeks. big cheeks for holding food. biting stuff like rocks would be so much simpler if we could reach our flat, grinding molars with more ease. and while incisors are meant for tearing, you're right that human incisors are not meant for wood or metal, but rather for vegetal material (frugivory, folivory).

but also consider that human teeth can still very much break skin. the most dangerous part of a human bite, though, is the bacteria in our mouths rather than the puncture wound itself per se,,,

also was it you that put in the tags "mohs hardness scale but it's if alfred can bite through them"? because i loved this tag so much sldkfjhgsads i stan this new mohs hardness scale. also i am SO sorry to tag you again but @if-you-like-pina-colada-s made a very very wonderful addition to my ramblings regarding bite force. you postulate 500 psi at least (fun fact - that's 100 more psi than the grip strength of an average adult bald eagle, bc i'm silly and think about grip strength, too). piña got a number for the stronger nations at ~3,000 psi, which approaches a crocodile's bite force, and if you've seen what a croc can do with their sheer amount of closing power,,,, ough. i find this to be a wide range full of fun to play with.

also i think i went insane one night when i had to remember that in canon we see a probably 3-year-old alfred lift and swing a bison. if we assume your average three-year-old male weighs about 31.8 lbs (CDC) while a male american bison (Bison bison) can weigh up to 2,200 lbs. if we are to believe these shenanigans, that's 69.18x alfred's body weight if the bison is at its heaviest. even a female, which tops at 1200 lbs, is still 37.74x. he's the real ant-man fr!! because i'm telling you someone reminded me of that bit and i was sitting like bro what the hell,,,

this whole conversation is just making me want to compare alfred's skull and jaw to a robust australopithecine. like okay paranthropus robustus boy. gonna start calling him a gorilla fr. 1300 psi? 1500 like a jaguar? fuck this dude do NOT put your mouth anywhere near me. please fuck off immediately.

[svtegg]

dad!svt (hyung line)

seungcheol:

three kids...he wants more though.....whew

two boys n a girl

minjae, 12, a charmer like his dad, looks exactly like him

rowdy, loud and yells all the time

loves football and is naturally good at most sports

when he went to a cafe with his dad he ordered for his dad and when the barista gave him a confused look when he ordered a double shot dark roast ice americano he said

“i’m not young i’m just really short” making seungcheol who stood five steps behind his son bust out in laughter

chorong, 10, a tomboy who idolized her older brother and wants to do everything he does, she also plays football

her focus is worse than her brothers though so she always finds herself doing other stuff while pretending to play keeper

but don’t tell him that bc she doesn’t want him to know

she’s a very independent woman and gets very agitated when someone tries to help her with what she’s doing

taeoh, 6 BUT HE’LL HAVE YOU KNOW HES 6 AND A HALF actually

a total mamas boy and seungcheol will never admit how jealous that makes him

taeoh is a calm soul and tends to be a little shy

enjoys nature and animals n prefers playing with sticks and rocks over plastic toys

seungcheol is a stressed out parent....kinda like a stereotypical movie soccer mom

stressing over the shopping list at the grocery store n you just have to take a hold of his forearm to tell him that it doesn’t matter if you get taeoh red or yellow socks for his school talent show next week because taeoh is 6 and he doesn’t care

loves his kids more than anything in the world and is extremely supportive and encouraging

isn’t very strict but does have house rules, chores and routines and treats every one of his children with respect and love

almost never gets angry or worked up....only when the kids fight or hurt each other will he slightly raise his voice to assert his authority

but always ends his lectures with an i love you and a big hug

the “that’s my kid!!” type of dad

so so proud of his clumsy, messy and comical children

cheered for chorong when she did a handstand in the goal in the middle of a match

the rest are under the cut...

jeonghan:

“two” children

a two year old son

and another on the way

you don’t know the gender yet but!!! he’s very excited to meet his second child (it’s also a boy shhh it’s a secret)

his son is named haneul and he turned two on the 3rd of may

jeonghan calls him hannie though, passing on his own nickname to his son heheheh

he’s a smart kid

jeonghan taught him all the colors and is very proud of that

when jeonghans mom comes over jeonghan will always pester his son to get him to say all the colors

“what color is this, hannie?” he would ask, pointing to the emerald green mat on the floor with an exited voice

haneul would just give him the stank eye and go back to playing with his wooden moomin figurines

a total daddy’s boy he loves his dad so so much and jeonghan rubs it in your face constantly

hannie co sleeps in your bed,,,,and lemme tell you....that lil boy is wild as fuk,.,.,.hes basically doing acrobatics in his sleep...ends up splayed across both you and jeonghan, cheeks squished into your chest and feet resting on jeonghans stomach

jeonghan is a more hands on parent, always keeping an eye or a hand on his boy at all times

anxious when haneul goes to daycare for the first time

a little over protective almost breathing down the child’s neck when he’s playing with his blocks on the floor

you have to tell him to calm down and give your kid some space to explore a little

calms down a little when the other child arrives bc he finally realizes that he won’t have time to protect his children from every potential booboo

still spoils his kids rotten and leaves it to you to be the strict and stern parent

he doesn’t tolerate any backtalk or attitude however and will discipline whoever it was that gave attitude right away

always reads bedtime stories, even when the children are almost teenagers and whine at him to just get out of their room already

joshua:

two daughters

elisabeth, age 9, her korean name is eunchae

elisabeth’s nickname is ella and both you and joshua never call her by her full name unless it’s to be assertive

ella is an artistic soul and loves to draw and paint, shes a little diva and wants everything her own way

but she’s a sweet girl down deep, clinging to her parents at every chance she gets

emelia, age 5, her korean name is eunbi

emelia has a lot of pet names, she’s the little sweetheart and always sucks up to her parents (josh loves it)

emelia is a little more shy than ella, and follows her sisters footsteps carefully

both the girls look exactly like him, the cat like mouth and the kind eyes copied from his body and onto their faces

both the girls have almost golden toned black hair if that makes sense....

joshua is a gentle parent, letting his girls do their thing while watching from a few steps

he loves exploring with his girls and taking them to parks and zoos and botanical gardens to teach them different animals and insects and flowers

the girls really like superheroes and they will make their dad play avengers with them on the suspension bridge on the playground

he will always have to be hulk and his girls will be captain marvel and groot

is a loving and sensitive father who is very open and emotionally available to his girls

has set house rules, bed times and is very respectful when asserting authority

never raises his voice to his children but guides them with an impeccable patience

the girls have their own bedroom but they often end up in your bed during the night...emelia frequents your bedroom most though

has hearts in his eyes when he watches his kids do anything

that adoring soft smile that makes the edges of his eyes turn up covering his face

jun:

one son

4 year old chaohua......english name...joshua

(yes joshua cried when he found out)

chao may only be 4 but he’s already as handsome as his dad

he’s the most adorable child ever

the kindest soul to ever walk the earth

he loves cuddling and would be content for a good hour just curled up in the corner of the sofa with one of his parents or uncles

he’s already lost his one front tooth and is very proud of it

likes watching cartoons!! especially old pokémon episodes

jun’s so loves animals...all animals,,,and when he found out meat cane from animals he refused to eat it...so now i guess jun is a vegetarian bc of the puppy eyes chao gives him whenever it’s dinnertime

when walking anywhere with his son, jun has to stop every five minutes so that chao can pet a dog or talk to a bird that’s trotting along the sidewalk

the little boy squatting down with his hands around his knees to carefully speak to mr.dove....but mr.dove is clearly a city pigeon

also always nagging his dad for a cat

chao is very good at swimming and jun takes him to his swimming lesson every week without fail

jun is v supportive and sits on the benches along the wall to watch his son

isnt really scared for chao bc he knows his child is careful and smart

so let’s him do what he wants most of the time

jun convinced you to let chao co sleep with you and he still does that

you had to get a bigger bed but no one is complaining because chao is such a cuddle bug it’s a win for everyone

basically chao is just as kind and gentle and loving as his father

and chao being born made jun grow up a little...he’s still goofy happy junhui but he’s just 10 times more loving n doting....towards his child that is

wonwoo:

two sons

twins

taewoo and wonseok, both 5

both complete opposites but still a match made in heaven

wonseok is a carbon copy of wonwoo, even his personality

while taewoo is a carbon copy of just wonwoo’s face

wonseok is quiet, thoughtful, neat and incredibly smart while taewoo is rowdy, loud, messy and lot of fun

wonseok is braver than taewoo however and this way they balance each other out perfectly, one being the life of the party while the other evens out the energy levels a bit more

wonwoo loves his kids so much

his stoic and mysterious image being completely thrown away the second he hears one of them squeal out a loud DAD!!!! when he walks through the front door of your house

the twins are v often perched on either side of his hips, or clinging onto his back as best they can

they love their dad and thinks he’s the coolest person on the entire planet

beside from Captain America©️ maybe

wonwoo is a strict parent, expecting his sons to behave and treat each other with kindness.,,..,,.,,.,,...most of the time

they’re twins so ofc they get on each other’s nerves

wonwoo doesn’t mind a little fighting and crying from the boys....as long as they make up after

otherwise wonwoo would sit then down and have a discussion with the two of them

and bc of this the boys are extremely mature for their age,,,again.,,.,,...,,,most of the time

but they’re wonwoos greatest pride and he loves them so so much

wonwoo will often play board games with his sons,,,,sometimes he becomes a little too invested

taught wonseok how to play checkers and now he almost never gets peace from the little boy who’s constantly asking to play him again

taewoo just wants to play spider-man...which is basically wonwoo lifting the boy up and holding him up to the roof so he can pretend to walk on it...while screaming at the top of his lungs in happiness

he can’t handle bedtime though and so you and him always put them to bed together

soonyoung:

he’s been busy

he has a one year old boy....

and a 3 year old girl

and one on the way,,,,no one knows the gender yet shhhh (it’s another baby boy but i didn’t tell you that)

daehyun and hanbyul

he’s the biggest softest dad ever and cries at every first

cried when hanbyul said her first word...which was apple for some reason

cried at daehyuns f

cried at daehyuns first steps

cries when his child cries

keeps a list on the fridge of funny things his kids say

is super stoked and excited every time his kid learns a new thing, showing it off to every uncle one by one

is also completely on top and updated on what disney characters your daughter likes recently

knows exactly what stuffed animals his son likes and always knows what he needs when he starts fussing

he knows his kids so incredibly well its almost like he can read their minds

plays dress up with byul all the time, his favorite princess is elsa

you would often find him in the signature Dad™️ pose (the lying in the floor supporting yourself in your forearm) on hanbyuls bedroom floor with a tiny elsa costume on smiling like an idiot at your daughter who was explaining how to drink tea like a princess

a whole idiot for his kids, literally in love with them would do anything for them

spoils them rotten and makes sure theyre always happy, healthy and laughing

will never get tired of bouncing his son on his knee just to hear him laugh

his kids adore him just as much back

soonyoung almost has as much energy as his toddler daughter but will often go down as well at nap time

basically having kids with soonyoung is like raising and extra kid (him)

jihoon:

1 daughter

she’s just as badass as him

theyre best friends like actual best friends

she’s already turning into a little sassy savage princess

her name is youngsun (or just sun)

jihoon calls her sunnie or ms young

she’s currently 7 years old, and she has NO front teeth so she has an adorable lisp

she’s good friends with joshua’s girls

the little lady is very well behaved and always listens very well....jihoon likes to think this is bc he raised her to think for herself and respect and treat people like she wants to be treated herself

even though she’s jihoons daughter she is still a little cuddle bug and will savagely call her uncles out in their bull while resting her head on their chest

she’s very small, probably inheriting jihoon height lmao mingyu teases her adoringly by calling her teeny while she jokingly pouts up at her beanstalk uncle

jihoon treats his daughter like an equal, and bc of this they have a very special bond

jihoon and sun often discuss and exchange opinions on various subjects like adults and many people are impressed by how articulate and eloquent the young lady is

but she’s also a mischievous little lady and often pulls pranks on her parents or uncles,

hiding from them and scaring them when she thinks they aren’t looking and then running away with the loudest most adorable giggle leaving her toothless mouth

of course everyone just pretends they get scared but she doesn’t know that and thinks it’s the most hilarious thing

youngsun has a very strong bond with uncle mingyu and uncle seungkwan

the three of them often pairing up to scare jihoon while he’s working on something or spaced out in his own world

sometimes jihoon gives in and plays harry potter with his daughter, pretending to have dueling battles in the kitchen with chopsticks as wands

jihoon would be on the floor yelling out VINGARDIUM LEVIOSAAAAA

and you would be sat in the living room reading, laughing to yourself

you never in a million years pictured this would ever happen

basically jihoon is a very good dad and his daughter loves him,,,you could say she’s a daddy’s girl