#it all depends on what you want also

[propelbottle]

Advice for closeted genderqueer?

hi there! hope you're doing well rn.. I am an awful person to go to for advice- my parents are very conservative, and I personally don't plan to ever come out to them.. some shaky advice from my experience under the cut but idk exactly what you're going through- feel free to send asks to literally anyone else as well! I'm sure you are, so kudos, get more opinions so when you decide for yourself in any possible scenario, you know you're making the right choice and doing the best you can

Since you're currently closeted, my advice would be to only tell your closest friends / family if you're really sure they'll support you no matter what. For each person, you can look at how they react to gay or trans people in media, fictional or otherwise (but maybe don't actively push for them to watch pro-lgbt things if they're not currently interested) or other signs- if you're not sure, err on the side of keeping quiet.. it sucks, but in my experience, I didn't end up coming out to my friend group until LAST MONTH, and I graduated college with a boyfriend this year.. it sucks, but you'll live, which is really more important

Make sure to find small ways to express yourself for the sake of your own sanity, whatever that might look like, like buying a cute scarf or a sleek belt or other articles of clothing that lean towards one style or another, in a way that makes you feel like you're putting yourself forward while still keeping things in the realm of plausible deniability

If someone suspects anything, have a picture handy of an ostensibly cis person (model, actor, singer, etc.) wearing their hair the same way as you or dressing the same way and say you saw them on tiktok/instagram/scrolling through spotify/magazines, and you thought that was just the current trend- that's actually gotten me out of a lot of binds

On the one hand, keep yourself safe, but on the other, it might be good for your confidence/self-esteem/outlook on life for your close friends to use the right pronouns for you. Know that there will always be kind people who will be there for you no matter what.. But, also - maybe controversial - no one deserves or needs to know certain things about you, especially to do with your real name or pronouns. Just like you don't deserve the mental and physical strain being closeted can cause.

I mean idk know that it's not your fault if someone assumes something about you, whether or not it's true. Try to be yourself because you deserve to be you, but please try to keep yourself safe, whatever that means for you. Sorry about the situation.. and definitely ask someone else for advice, but take care of yourself and you'll be alright