#it felt........... so good to write an essay like this KLHFDLKHGH

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

how do u think dan and blair's relationship would be during derena's loveless marriage? do you think that they would have a affair (even if it is not a physical one) or that dan would still be in love with her, for example?

this was such a fun qn! (answer's a bit depressing, as all post-canon stuff tends to be.) under the cut :D

it depends entirely on those 5 years, i feel. it's really easy (& fun!) to be like 'ah yes dan never stopped loving blair' (& it's not that unlikely, either) but five years is plenty of time to get over someone, too, so i think it's super ambiguous. when s6 ends, before the time skip, dan and blair loathe each other - and understandably so!! they both betrayed each other's trust in a really big way, so that would need to be fixed in some way.

my brain being mine, i am always pushing the dan in my head towards the nate in my head, because i really do think once we're post-canon, anything can happen! but yeah, i love post-canon dan/blair too for the reason of like... canon being the way it is, i don't think dan OR blair would be happy/satisfied in their marriage.

we see how chuck treats blair so much in canon. he prioritises his business over her, and that never changes, it's that way even in s6 which was supposed to be a chair fix-it of some sort, i guess. and at times he is violent and controlling and possessive of her. none of this is good, obviously. and i think in some ways, it would make sense for blair to gravitate towards dan, because dan has been a source of stability and help for her before, when her life was crumbling around her, he was her safe space ("i would never have survived the last month without you"). dan has seen her at her worst and still believed in her (despicable b, anyone?) so i do think just by the way derena/chair marriages work out, dan and blair would have ample opportunity to gravitate towards each other - especially given they run in the same social circles now or whatever, blair and serena are best friends, serena and chuck are step-siblings (everyone and their mother knows how i feel about that).

potential doesn't necessarily mean it would actually happen, though, especially given how things ended for them last time. dan could very well be like 'blair i'm not doing this for you again' or whatever - though it's very unlikely, just given his character, and how easily he forgives people he cares about (case in point, vanessa, when she returns in 1x06). dan and blair ultimately get each other on a wavelength nobody else gets them - which is what is so fun about them as a friendship or a relationship. they both have similar taste in art/movies, have engaging conversations, intellectually stimulate each other, and all that. i could see them both missing that, even when they're like "that relationship was a total flop i could never do it again", even then, they would be like "yeah but that museum we visited together..... the points that were made in that conversation...."

like i think they would miss each other, a lot. as people MORE than as romantic partners. dan would miss his friend blair, and blair would miss her friend dan. but they're BOTH incredibly stubborn, and they both also hurt the other REALLY badly. so that would need to be worked through at some point (maybe during the 5 year flash forward) then i think a dair affair is actually really likely. they've always been good at denial and warped logic, after all; i could see them falling into each other out of mutual dissatisfaction and loneliness in their own marriages and that eventually grows into love.

but my personal favourite dan headcanon is that he wouldn't really be in love with blair during his married life. like i don't see him really pining over her. i see him feeling completely wrung out and emptied and dried, where love is concerned. dan and blair both love with all their heart, and for dan, i think after blair, he would feel like he could never love anyone again (yeah, not even blair) because of how shattering that heartbreak is (and how little he really got to heal, to be honest.) i think that'd explain the derena wedding, even, because if he's never going to get the sparkly romance feel, why not go for a pale imitation of it with the one person who's in the same boat, the one person who's seen all his bullshit and seen him at his most cruel and somehow still loves him?

blair, on the other hand, is married to chuck. who is a black hole when it comes to blair's big heart. chuck likes the fact that blair loves so wholly and completely and with so much of herself, and he wants all of blair's love, and all of blair. i don't think blair would end up with the same issue as dan, of 'how can i love', i think she'd know that she has a big heart, but she'd feel caged in by it perhaps. in a very 'chuck is the only person i haven't scared away; maybe i am Too Much for anyone else.'

if dan & blair's loathing/resentment for each other and the hurt they feel has been resolved, i think it is possible they could, despite trying so hard to avoid it, despite doing their BEST not to become dan-and-blair again, despite ALL that, they could end up falling in love. and it would be different from the first time, because they know what the worst thing they could do to each other is; because they've already done the worst thing they could do to the other. in that sense if they are able to get together now, they'd probably communicate better and be more realistic and be extremely stable. perhaps they would leave their marriages for each other.

but i think it's equally likely for dan to go, 'blair, i can't do this again, i am not enough of a person to help you, i have my own problems and i just cannot be your support system or rock anymore,' and maybe blair would go, 'i can help you too, dan,' but i don't see dan accepting her help, or even believing she could help him. something i think about a lot is dan's entire thing with losing milo, and the parallel that exists with blair's miscarriage. it could've been so easy for blair to use that parallel to form a connection with dan, for her to actively talk about milo or let him know that she gets it. instead, we don't get that at any point. the only mention of blair knowing about milo that we get which i remember is her 'look, it's georgina's baby!' at w - which is really mean, actually! dan doesn't take it to heart because he's all 'blair waldorf, whatever' but it's a depressing line because it shows that blair knew he had been hurt in that way and yet never came back to it. i'm bringing this up because i think that could probably play a role into like, dan wondering if blair has ever actually seen him in a bad place where he's really hurt and feels totally lost, and dan wondering if blair knows how to navigate that. because, well... serena has!! serena & dan are very much always holding hands when one of them hits rock bottom (whatever else they don't have, this is something they always did.)

i mean. i do think blair's a natural caretaker, but i think it's extremely possible dan wouldn't let her take care of him, you know? so yeah. my answer remains: depends on those 5 years of flash forward, entirely!! 50/50 either way.