#it got uploaded yesterday and i'm going insane over it

[knighterofjulianthatonetime]

I don't know if it's already been shared to tumblr (I had a look and I couldn't find any link) but everyone should go check out this riptide ep 71 animatic on youtube because i am IN LOVE with it !!

[itslittlethoughtsblog]

What to say?

So was woken up this morning by the fire alarm test in my hotel, that was fun, it was quite loud, but I suppose they have to be, you know, for emergency situations and all that jazz.

I've not done much today was definitely a lot less stressful than yesterday. Haven't seen my 'friend' either, he's been too busy with Uni and coursework. He's got two lots of coursework to get finished by tonight. Spent most of my day in my hotel room watching Outer Banks s3... or trying to anyway, Wi-Fi isn't great here. I ended up getting bored and heading into the city center again, didn't get lost this time and didn't need google maps. Did a bit of shopping in Primark, spent money I don't really have but oh well, I needed a pick me up. I got these beautiful shoes, high tops converse type things, one side is pale yellow and the other side is pale purple, I see the price and I just had to get them. Not that I need any more shoes, or clothes for that matter. I've now realised after getting back to my hotel room that I'm going to have to go back to Primark before leaving and get another suitcase just so I can everything home.

On another note, there's a gut working on reception where I am staying and I'm not joking with you, he looks exactly like a young Will Smith, nice on the eyes. I think he might be a few years younger than me unless he just has a young face like I do. I'm always being questioned about my age and when I tell people I'm 27 they never believe me, even at work I have patients asking if I'm old enough to work at the hospital, I think that's going too far though considering you have to be 18 to work there. I know I definitely look older than 18 or at least 18.

I'm currently sitting in the restaurant/lobby area of the hotel just so I can get a good enough signal to post this. Last night it took over an hour to upload.

I never really know what to say about these things, my life isn't that interesting unless I get into my childhood, which I can write a whole book on, it would be a pretty dark book, but maybe I will get into it at some point. I know for sure those memories are the reason I even started this in the first place...it's just being able to get them from my head to the page, not only will it be hard for people to read but it sure as hell will be hard for me to write, I know I need to do something though before I go completely insane.

Anyways, be happy, and remember. It's okay not the be okay, everyone needs guidance sometimes. Speak up!

J:)

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #103

(taken january 20th; uploading surveys taken while gone)

What is your opinion on sex without emotional commitment? It's absolutely not for me. Though it sounds like a good recipe for getting hurt, I'm ultimately fine with others doing it SO LONG as all parties involved know exactly what the other wants.

Where’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner? I have an Olive Garden bias.

Name of your first grade teacher? Mrs. Jones.

Whose car were you in last…? My mom's.

Has someone ever choked you? Uh only consensually, let's keep it that way lol.

What will you dress up as for Halloween? It's funny you ask this because I just saved an idea in my phone literally yesterday: an adaptation of Bloody Mary where I try to make some Biblical Mary-looking costume, just with a lot of fake blood and maybe a spiked halo.

Who was the last person to piss you off? My mom finally told me Katie's (my oldest half-sister's) origin story a couple days ago and I now hate my grandmother more than I ever have. And I also want to wring her father's fucking neck. I was the kind of mad where I wanted to vomit.

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? Yeah. I'm saving up money/taking pictures for people again so I can get my cover-up tattoo HOPEFULLY soon, and I want an industrial ear cartilage piercing as well as my nostril re-pierced, but I doubt that's coming soon now that I know how expensive my cover-up is going to be.

Has anyone told you a secret this week? Refer back to the question about who last pissed me off. I've gone very nearly 27 years without knowing Katie's history BECAUSE I knew without knowing any details that Mom hates talking about it and now I very thoroughly understand why. It's so much worse than I thought it was.

What’s something that you like, that no one would think you’d like? Uhhhhh... OH, hunting video games. I've played them ever since childhood and just find them oddly relaxing. I have no idea how I got into them with how against trophy hunting I am, and I NEVER would do it in real life (even when I was a child, I knew this), but *shrug*

What does your best friend think of your crush/significant other? They're the same person.

Are you listening to music, currently? Yeah, I have this collection of electro remixes of various Rammstein songs on. I fucking love metal/rock mixed with electronic/techno-type music so I can binge the SHIT outta this kind of stuff.

Do you honestly think before you speak? USUALLY, yes; I'd say I tend to OVERTHINK what I want to say. However, I know that when I'm upset, I can be very impulsive with what I say and I am trying very sincerely to correct this behavior.

Who is someone you wish you got to know? It's insane how quickly I knew the answer to this: Jason's nephew Dominic. His brother's wife was pregnant with him when we broke up, and I even went to her baby shower very shortly AFTER we split. I wanted to meet and love him as an aunt so badly. I have literally cried over this, more than once. I know via his mom's obituary that they actually have two sons now.

Who is one person you regret meeting? The two boys that harassed me in pre-k and kindergarten come to mind because they absolutely instilled problems in me that have carried into today.

Where would you go if you got kicked out of your place? Either my dad's or Girt's, I'd guess.

Where is your boyfriend/girlfriend/crush? Home.

Where do you keep your old childhood memory items? In a big box in my closet.

Where on your body do you have a tattoo if any? Right wrist, underside of my left forearm, right shoulder, left shoulder, left breast, right collarbone.

Where on your body do you have a piercing if any? Bottom lip, both earlobes, tragus of my right ear.

When have you felt most depressed in your life? End of 2015 through all of 2016. Breakup aftermath. I genuinely, from the bottom of my heart, wanted to die every single moment of every day, but was too scared to kill myself until I ODed at the start of '17.

When have you been most happy in your life? Realistically probably my childhood. Otherwise, I don't know. Depression and stuff have played too big a role in my maturing/mature years.

Why do you believe/not believe in God? I could probably write my longest possible essay on this fucking topic. But look around you. That's all I need to say to have a strong case already.

How did you get your last bruise? I actually have no idea; I had a random one show up on my chest and I haven't the slightest idea where it came from.

How are you and your most recent ex? We have no form of connection and I plan on it staying that way for the rest of our lives.

How are your parents doing? I can't say for sure about Dad just because I see/talk to him so sparsely. I never really know what's current with him. My mom is okay, all things considered I guess; I was really happy to hear that her after-cancer management doctor is pleasantly surprised that her cancer hasn't reappeared yet with how severe it was. It's GOING to one day, but we're cherishing every single day it doesn't. She still does have health problems though, especially with her sugar being maintained at a safe level; it plummets very dangerously low very suddenly and quickly. She's always stressed financially. She absolutely hates living in this house with our shitty landlord/"friend" dangling her "great kindness" over Mom's head. She's constantly hurt over how my older sister treats her when it comes to being involved as family. My mom has never, EVER gotten even a fraction of what she fucking deserves.

Would you marry someone if they were unable to have sex? Yeah.

How long has it been since you had sex? Haven't had genuine sex yet.

Last reason you went to the ER? I was suicidal.

Were you a planned pregnancy for your parents? I'm not totally sure? Mom's said SHE'D planned on having another kid, but the wording made me wonder if my dad wanted another. I would hope it's something they agreed on, and it seems very un-Mom-like to make that decision on her own.

Do your parents like your boyfriend/girlfriend? They've always loved him. It'd be nice if Dad sees Girt again at some point though, like I still don't know if he even knows we're together. I do KINDA worry how Girt sees my dad/will react to him following the movie theater incident, but...

What if an ex asked to be back in your life? I'd totally be friends with Aaron again, but everyone else, the answer is no. Well, I mean... maybe I wouldn't turn Juan away if he messaged me wanting to get back in touch, SO LONG as he no longer flirted with me. I don't care if he's all the way back in Mexico, I would not be okay with that anymore. He was a person who could make me smile and laugh a lot and was very nice to me (emphasis on "to me," I guess...), so so long as he respected my boundaries, being friends again would maybe be okay?

Last gift you received? Ha ha oh man, so a few days ago I got a completely unexpected package of a big Silent Hill map blanket, and Mom was so confused and thought I'D somehow bought something or she'd ordered something she forgot about, but nope. A short while back, Girt showed me it, and I'd seen it before and casually commented on how I'd always wanted it with absolutely zero intention for him to actually buy it, but he secretly did lmfao.

Has someone had their arms around you in the past 7 days? Yeah. Normal hugs, but also on the 15th when I had my absolute emotional breakdown over thinking Girt was going to leave, he held me really tightly the entire time I cried my heart and lungs out and was constantly reassuring me.

Think back to the last person you kissed, how many times have you laughed with them? Probably more times than I've laughed with anyone else.

Do any of your close friends have children? No, no truly close friends.

Is your sibling missing someone right now? I have absolutely zero idea.

Have you ever made breakfast for someone? Yes. It's something I want to get back into doing... My family loved how I made scrambled eggs as a teenager, always with a bit of hot sauce from Taco Bell lmao, and I just want to be able to provide for others sometimes too. I haven't made eggs since Sara was here and I made breakfast, and that was multiple years ago.

What did you do after graduation? I actually don't remember, lmfao. I feel like I MIGHT have ridden home with Jason and hung out at his place?

Do you remember your first time? Haven't technically had it. I'm kinda surprised I don't really remember the first time Jason and I started to get actually sexual though, because it was not something I took lightly.

Favorite place to eat out growing up? Texas Steakhouse; that's where I had most of my birthday dinners. I loved it so much because it had a mechanical horse to ride, and I also liked seeing all the taxidermy.

What makes you feel sexy? lmfao oh HUNNY

What is your greatest irrational fear? Probably whale sharks. Like... they are COMPLETELY harmless.

How did you meet your pet? Venus: Morph Market. Roman: he was a kitten that my sister's mother-in-law had. Cookie: she was my former dance teacher's dog.

What are some of the phrases in your personal "bingo" card? lmfao GOD this is gonna be so meme-y. Uhhhh "mood," "same," "me," "rip," "oof," "gg," shit like that.

What song are you currently obsessed with? Referring back to the answer about this electro Rammstein mix, I REALY like its version of "Waidmanns heil."

Who is your favorite character in your favorite movie? I have a big soft spot for Mufasa, even if his role was very short. Wise, righteous, kind characters like him really appeal to me.

Who was your most intense sexual experience with? Jason. I don't actually remember which occasion I consider "the most" because I put no effort into remembering this stuff with him but I do know it was with him.

What colors has your hair been in your life? Dirty blonde, brown, black, red, purple, green... I think that's it.

What is the most flattering compliment you remember receiving? One of Jason's friends assumed I was a model lmfao but he only saw a picture of me.

What’s the most uncomfortable thing a stranger online has said to you? GOD who even fuckin knows, I've been on the Internet WAY too long.

Do you ever send anonymous messages of any variety? No.

What laws do you feel bothered by? Roe v. Wade being overturned and abortion laws becoming the states' responsibilities is one of THE most tragic political decisions made in my lifetime. I sincerely grieved. Literally cried.

Do you know how many people you have kissed? Four. Romantically, anyway. One though was because I felt obligated. I've kissed family on the cheek and my nieces and nephew on the head sometimes.

Do you or have you ever owned any sex toys? Bro I live WITH MY MOTHER so I wouldn't even if I wanted to lmfao

Have you seen your favorite band in concert? No, but the Grim Reaper ain't comin NOWHERE NEAR ME 'til I see Rammstein and have my eardrums fractured in two and have burns. :^) As much as I would absolutely love to see Ozzy, I expect him to drop dead like every day now so my hopes aren't high SOBS

Do you ever walk around the house naked? No. If I'm naked it is for THE shortest amount of time possible and I'm definitely not walking around my house.

Do you or would you ever wear fake eyelashes? MAYBE for my wedding, idk. I feel like they'd drive me batshit insane.

Does your best friend have a Tumblr? What is their URL? I can basically PROMISE you Girt does not have a Tumblr lmfao

Would you ever pierce yourself? I don't think I could.

Do you like the band In Flames? I know and love one song, "Where the Dead Ships Dwell," and I feel like there's another I like, but can't remember it...

What did you get on the last test you took? 100. Honestly impressed myself lol, I took the pretest for the advanced photography skills class I just started that just tested what you already knew and I wasn't expecting a 100.

One thing you miss about middle school? NOTHING.

What do you think of guys wearing colored skinny jeans? HOT but men can wear whatever the fuck they want so it doesn't even matter what I think

Who are all the people you have in your phone under “C”? Chelsea (friend) and Chelsey (brother's wife).

What about “M”? Mom, Mazzy, (Miss) Tobey

If you post videos on YouTube, what are they normally of (ex. tutorials, comedy, etc.)? I am very sincerely considering making Meerkat Manor tribute videos again. I've started making a list of ideas lmfao

What’s the longest your hair has ever been? To like, the small of my back. Maybe a bit lower.

Last thing you can remember yourself painting a picture of? Lesbian meerkat mermaids lmfao

[smol-cherry]

◇Oblivious obsession

◇A/N: I think I got a little too into this-

◇Character(s): Wilbur.

◇Type: Drabble/Oneshot.

◇Genre: Mostly angst?

◇TW/CW: Obsession, possessiveness, denial, reader deranged af, yandere-ish themes, cussing.

Your eyes shot open, slightly annoyed you got away from such a good dream. Rolling over in your bed you grabbed your phone that was next to you, staring at the picture on it.

It was of him, your favorite person, words couldn't describe how much you loved him, you'd do anything for him.

Wilbur was everything to you and you couldn't get enough, always craving new photos, streams, edits, anything you could get your hands on.

Not to mention you never missed a stream or new upload, always donating and gifting subs to show support. You certainly weren't rich or anything, but you had your ways.

You had somehow managed to get your way to mod a couple months back. It was amazing, you became friends with Wilbur and you could just ban anyone who tried to flirt with him.

You smiled at the photo in front of you, admiring all of him. You were quickly becoming tired of the photo though, craving more, craving him next to you.

You had noticed one of your friends had texted you, you clicked on the message, opening it up. It seemed that your friend texted you about Wilbur.

"Y/n you were right, Wilbur's so pretty." It read. You already knew this, but suddenly your mood changed, you were angry, you were typing away before you could even think about it.

"Keep his name out of your mouth, you don't deserve him, you don't deserve to even think about him, you don't deserve him, he doesn't even know you, he knows me, not you, I'm his friend, you aren't his. There's no way he would even think about you. He's mine, he's all fucking mine, not yours."

Sure it was- A tad bit harsh but it was true, he was yours, you were his friend, you were his mod, you were his top supporter, he trusted you, he talked to you and about you, not them.

"What the fuck.. He's not yours?? You're not together?? You're fucking obsessed, get some help. All I said was that he's pretty, my god."

You paused for a moment. 'Obsessed' You weren't obsessed? You just liked him, there was nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all. They were the one who was wrong, trying to take him away from you, that's what they always do. You mention your darling once and they all get attracted to him when he's yours.

◇

You got a notification, Wilbur had gone live, you immediately clicked on it while grabbing your headphones. You were the first to say hello in chat, hearing the sound of music playing softly in the background.

Soon after, Wilbur's camera had turned on while you smiled at it, saying his hellos, waving at everyone. The conversation from earlier had entered your mind once again, you weren't really obsessed, were you?

Your chest hurt thinking about it, you weren't obsessed. It hurt to think about, how could you be obsessed? You weren't crazy or anything, certainly not obsessed with him, you just really liked him is all.

Sighing, you had donated, you didn't even think of how much, nor did you care, all you wanted was Wilbur's attention, and you'd gladly die trying.

"Y/n- A thousand? Are you fucking insane? Uhm, wow- Thank you, you're always so kind to me, I don't deserve this." You could barely hear his laughter at the end, fear hitting you like a truck.

Oh fuck. Good thing you bought food yesterday, you're going to need it.

"Of course Wilbur, you deserve all of it <3"

[kim-isnt-seaweed]

Seoul grand park

Yesterday after arduous convincing as to why I did not want to say at home during the weekend my husband finally agreed to go out, which is funny because it's usually the other way around we went to Seoul grand park. I really wanted to be outside this weekend and I have never been there before so we thought it was the best place to spend the say it.

When we got there I felt a bit lost, I didn't believe we were still in Seoul because I couldn't see building anywhere we were surrounded by mountains, it was such a nice surprise. I wasn't expecting it to be that big either, I was just imagining something like children's grand park but a little bit bigger. Its so big they give you the option to take a little train.

I am not a fan of zoos every time I go to one I have a very bad time, like the one in Medellin I cried for like an hour because the rhino was alone in a very small enclosure and all though I know zoos like the Austrialia zoo exists it's hard to trust them especially in Seoul (i'm sorry) but when you've seen the atrocity that is the one in children's geand park or the pathetic enclosures for carnivours in Everland you would be very skeptical of going, but my husband really really wanted to go because he's never been there and I figured I for once shouldn't be a party pooper.

To my surprise, the Seoul zoo isn't as bad as I was expecting it to be, it had decent spaces and settings for the animals, although they could work on some of them, like I'm sorry I try to not be critical and enjoy myself but its so hard to do it, how can people just see some big ass Andean vultures with no where to perch or whatever and not think at least "hmmm there's room for improvement" or better yet "hmm this might be wrong". But anyway, some of the habitats were nice, especially for the bigger animals, the ones that draw bigger crowds I suppose.

To be fair the zoo itself is really nice, it has lots of nature, all surrounded by forests and mountains and I have honestly seen worse.

The Tigers had the biggest crowds it was insane, I heard many people saying they were so big but I couldn't help thinking about how the tigers from "black jaguar-white tiger foundation" could easily overpower them and I'm just thinking about the juveniles. Another notable thing was the insect pavilion? It made me realize that the older I get the more creeped out I get by bugs. I also pushed myself to go to the spider section and boy do I regret that. Spiders are huge and scary and I zoomed through that hall covering my eyes and walking as far away as I could from the tanks but just one glimpse of those tiny demons made me hyperventilate.

Afte a lot of walking I had to admit I wasn't at all dressed for the amount of walking we were gonna do, if I had known better I wouldn't have dressed like I was going on a picnic but I couldn't complain because I did get what I wanted. Being outside and exploring.

After finishing with the zoo we walked over to the themed garden. It was so beautiful. The colors and smells of flowers filling the air is just the thing you need after a week of city life.

I don't have much to say about it other than It's beautiful and peaceful and a perfect place for a picnic date.

Flowers everywhere

And the lake

(I cleaned the seat after I got up )

It was such a beautiful day.

After the day ended we had dinner at Outback because I was craving barbecue ribs really badly and at home, we at cake because on Friday we bought 6 different slices of cake at twosome place because I had a gift thingy. But since I'm only allowed to upload 10 pics I'm just going to say they were too sweet.