itslittlethoughtsblog - Tumblr blog

[itslittlethoughtsblog]

Good food!

Almost finished season 3 of Outer Banks, I don't want it to end. Will have to find a new series to watch, or I could just finish off the ones I've already started, but where's the fun in that. Went to Primark, again. Spent more money I don't have, only went there to get a suitcase, £140 later and I've now got a gift for everyone at home, will they appreciate it? Not likely but they're family so I had to get them something. It's been snowing today so when I got back to the hotel, it's safe to say I was frozen. Had a chat with the receptionist who looks like will smith, I'm going to call him a friend now, he's very sweet and has made me feel really welcome here. Put me at ease straight away when I got here with just how friendly he was, I was so anxious about being in a hotel on my own. The staff has been incredible though, if you ever stay in Manchester I 100% recommend you stay at the Macdonald Manchester Piccadilly Hotel. One of the staff gave me a hot chocolate when I got back. THE best hot chocolate I've ever had, hands down.

Went out for dinner with my friend, we booked a table at Rosso, if you haven't heard of it it's a really posh Italian restaurant, the food was amazing, I definitely ate way too much and I'm now currently on my bed in the hotel room in a food coma, worth it. The price, however, wow! I've had more food in Italy for less than that but I suppose that's what you get with commercial businesses. Can't complain though because I didn't pay for it all, most of it? Yes, but not all of it.

Haven't done much else today, but on another note. United won 4-0, can't get any better than that.

It's a short one today. I'm 3 Pornstar Martinis down and ready for bed. Ciao.

Happy vibes.

J:)

[itslittlethoughtsblog]

What to say?

So was woken up this morning by the fire alarm test in my hotel, that was fun, it was quite loud, but I suppose they have to be, you know, for emergency situations and all that jazz.

I've not done much today was definitely a lot less stressful than yesterday. Haven't seen my 'friend' either, he's been too busy with Uni and coursework. He's got two lots of coursework to get finished by tonight. Spent most of my day in my hotel room watching Outer Banks s3... or trying to anyway, Wi-Fi isn't great here. I ended up getting bored and heading into the city center again, didn't get lost this time and didn't need google maps. Did a bit of shopping in Primark, spent money I don't really have but oh well, I needed a pick me up. I got these beautiful shoes, high tops converse type things, one side is pale yellow and the other side is pale purple, I see the price and I just had to get them. Not that I need any more shoes, or clothes for that matter. I've now realised after getting back to my hotel room that I'm going to have to go back to Primark before leaving and get another suitcase just so I can everything home.

On another note, there's a gut working on reception where I am staying and I'm not joking with you, he looks exactly like a young Will Smith, nice on the eyes. I think he might be a few years younger than me unless he just has a young face like I do. I'm always being questioned about my age and when I tell people I'm 27 they never believe me, even at work I have patients asking if I'm old enough to work at the hospital, I think that's going too far though considering you have to be 18 to work there. I know I definitely look older than 18 or at least 18.

I'm currently sitting in the restaurant/lobby area of the hotel just so I can get a good enough signal to post this. Last night it took over an hour to upload.

I never really know what to say about these things, my life isn't that interesting unless I get into my childhood, which I can write a whole book on, it would be a pretty dark book, but maybe I will get into it at some point. I know for sure those memories are the reason I even started this in the first place...it's just being able to get them from my head to the page, not only will it be hard for people to read but it sure as hell will be hard for me to write, I know I need to do something though before I go completely insane.

Anyways, be happy, and remember. It's okay not the be okay, everyone needs guidance sometimes. Speak up!

J:)

[itslittlethoughtsblog]

Manchester...

Day 4 of being in Manchester, and everything was going well until this morning...well, lunchtime. Woke up in my friend's studio I've come to visit, did a bit of work on my laptop and then went to meet him for lunch after his first lecture. After lunch I came back to his studio while he went to his next lecture and was greeted with the receptionist saying I couldn't be there without him, fair enough I suppose if its policy...she took the keys off me so I rang my friend, he came back to get the keys and she had told him I couldn't stay there anymore, which isn't part of the policy...she's just being an arse cause he complained about something last week. So instead of cutting my trip short, I booked a hotel room for 4 nights. Great, £400+ down the swaney. Checked in, nice room...quite posh. Had dinner with said friend at the hotel and a conversation I wasn't too happy about (shan't get into it in detail but basically saying 'just friends' for now. yeah right, a nice way to pie me off pal. But we'll see...It's still early). Attempted to go into the town center a few times, and by attempt I mean I put my coat on and took it off again, anxiety is a bitch....spoke with my auntie on the phone and she calmed me down cause low and behold, I'm stressing about my mother....again (cue eye-roll). Finally got the balls I needed to put my coat on and keep it on, left the room...good step one complete. Step two: leave the hotel... yeah, it took a while but after about 10 minutes of stalling, complete. Step 3: get up google maps so I know where the fuck I'm going...complete. Step 4: hardest one of them all, walk. Now it may not seem like a hard task to do but with god-awful anxiety it is. I did it though, started walking and ended up in the town center without realisation.. once I was there mind I was fine, slight anxiety because of the number of people but I just ignored them and concentrated on where I was going, to a certain extent. Walked around the shops for a while, and bought me a new book 'Daisy Jones & the Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid' (had a lot of recommendations for this book, and high hopes). Now, this is where I hit a snag. Started walking back to the hotel and thought I'd be brave and not use google maps, big mistake. Got lost and ended up trying to help a homeless guy in a wheelchair to a hostel which I had somehow agreed to pay for. Unfortunately, there was no room so had to take him back to where he was, but on the way, we stopped at Sainsbury's so I could get him some food, £30 later and he was happy, and very grateful which made me feel warm inside, my good deed is done for the day. Maybe getting lost was a good thing, not for my bank balance but for mankind. Finally made it back to the hotel at gone 10pm, my feet were so sore and blistered, which I didn't realise until getting into the bath...fuck that hurt. Finally, I can relax, or so I thought. Phone rings, my sister, okay that's fine. Boy, was I wrong, mother has relapsed, fuck my life can't anything ever go right? Stressed? Yeah, you could say that. Anyway, no point dwelling on that right now, there's nothing I can do that I haven't already done. Will just have to talk to her when I get back. Meantime, bar. Got a drink and took it up to my room, put the tv on, The Beach came on, you know the film with a really young Leonardo DiCaprio in. I've never actually watched it from start to finish so I left it on, mainly because I couldn't be bothered to find something else. Not a bad film to be honest. So that's finished and I'm now writing this before I get into bed at 01:11. I should be absolutely exhausted after the day I've had but a book it is. Night all.

Don't stress the little thoughts.

J:)

[itslittlethoughtsblog]

Is it bedtime yet?

Evening, its currently 20:14 and its safe to say my age is showing today, I could quite easily get into bed and shut the world out for at least 12 hours. But, adults cant do that, so the next best thing is to divulge into a world full of wonder...in this case, write a blog. Oh how my life is thrilling. Might even treat myself to a couple of chapters before I go sleep. The book I'm currently reading is Twister Love by Ana Huang, so far its a good read, I would 100% recommend.

~~

I'm not going to go into any past traumas today, apart from being extremely tired and for no reason at all... it's actually been a good day. Had brunch with my friend so far it's going well I couldn't ask for anyone better. He's currently procrastinating on his Uni work.

~~

I've been here for 2 days and I'm already sad to think about when I have to leave in just under 2 weeks' time. I don't want to go back home, is that bad? I want to move here, away from everyone and everything that just drains every ounce of me at home. I kind of hate my job at the minute too. NHS isn't all it's cracked up to be and is definitely not the workplace it used to be. It just seems to be take take take now, and quite frankly it's draining, not just physically but both mentally and emotionally as well. I'm on annual leave for 2 weeks which officially started today, well, yesterday I got a phone call from an unknown, I knew instantly it was work as all hospital numbers come up unknown, so naturally I didn't answer it...oops. Still didn't stop them from messaging me though did it? Of course not. "Can I work tomorrow" obviously means today...umm, let me think about that, not really. It's just never ending and I sometimes regret getting a job in the NHS. But then stupid me also wants to go to Uni to get my nursing degree, if that's not the definition of a 'sucker for punishment' then I don't know what is. I'm my own worst enemy and I openly admit it.

(I will sometimes be adding what songs I was listening to while writing the blog...)

SONGS:..

The script - The man who can't be moved

Kelly Clarkson - Behind these hazel eyes

Faith Hill - There you'll be

Christina Perri - Human

Sweet dreams.

J:)

[itslittlethoughtsblog]

Greetings, the earth says hello!

Hi, call me J...

So, where to start?

I have so many things going in my mind that it's hard to differentiate between things that are shareable to the things that need to stay in a locked box forever.

So I guess this is where this comes into play. I've finally cracked to the pressure cooker that is my mind, I admit…I need a place I can offload, mainly to keep myself sane. It got to a point a few months ago that it just shouldn't have come to, but I'm human, I make mistakes just like the rest of you, and that was by far the biggest mistake of my 27 years of existence, keeping it all in without a release.

So buckle up, we're in for a long ride. there will be ups, and downs…past and present. I hope you're ready, because I'm not.

I'm mainly doing this for my mental health, but I thought that instead of writing a journal that only I can read, why not make a blog out of it and hopefully, my experience and the methods I use to deal with it all will be the voice that someone else needs one day.

No going back now.

J:)