#it hurts so much! in so many different ways! and it's like. nothing I cna fucking do

[miinos]

wah

[cblgblog]

Imagine Mildolyn, "Illicit Affair", Modern AU. Where Gwen's campaigning for Congress and all the meet and greets, showing up for charities for publicity, her 'cause'. At one for special needs children and their foundation she meets a very young CNA named Mildred and sort of falls head over heels in the dumbest of ways, both just love struck. Except she's campaigning to be in Congress, she's a politician, she cannot be queer and chasing after 19 year old ex-foster kids whos brothers are set to be the youngest executed on Death Row in California in decades for appalling crimes. But there she is, in hotel rooms her supporters pay for, with someone she shouldn't be with, trying to find ways to overturn cases that turned stomachs with their brutality, because a pretty girl smiled at her and called her 'ma'am' while showing her around the foundation/care home she worked at with children no one else had the time/patience to care for. Of course it goes terribly with 'dirty little secret' vibes, the breast cancer diagnosis announced on twitter before she tells Mildred in person, even if it's such a minor case ('so they say') and caught so early that it'll barely leave a scar, radiation won't be much of a deal at all. She doesn't get to tell Mildred that, she just gets to hear on Fox news about how the democrat's gonna die a horrible death and panic.

Mildred who has no patience for politicians and their fake concern, using patients as photo ops. It’s manipulative, it’s distracting to the staff, it’s awful, okay, she hates it. She is, in fact, a tad bit rude to Gwen when they meet. Gets her a death glare from Betsy Bucket, gets Gwen intrigued.

“Republican?” only half-joking.

“No.”

“Is it the suit? Should I have worn a different suit? I wanted to, but I’ve been told this one tested better.”

“The suit is fine.” It’s more than that, actually, but Mildred will not be saying that aloud, nope, uh-uh. “I don’t much care for politicians.”

“Ah, we have that in common then.”

“I doubt we have much of anything in common. Ma’am.”

And look, Gwen doesn’t usually go in for the chasing, the hard to get. She’s got enough trouble chasing votes. But this woman is so good with the kids on her ward, so patient. She’s got Disney scrubs on and as much as she’s got no time at all for Gwen, she seems to have infinite amounts for those kids. She stays with them individually, longer than any of the other staff Gwen sees, but she still manages to get a dozen things done in half as many minutes. And she’s also gorgeous, there’s that.

And Gwen has no good reason to ask her out for lunch. Honestly, none. Nothing good can come from this. Mildred asks if the citizens of California will be paying for this meal and Gwen swears that isn’t the case, no, absolutely not. Even still, Gwen doesn’t expect Mildred to say yes. She doesn’t think Mildred expected Mildred to say yes.

But she does. Tells herself it’s for Edmund, maybe this’ll be the one politician who listens, who’s willing to look past the surface facts, willing to help. Except she gets there and they don’t talk about Edmund. It’s not because Mildred doesn’t know how to bring it up, she’s made her case dozens of times. She just…they don’t talk about him, and that feels like a betrayal, but Gwen’s kind and funny and fascinating (much to Mildred’s annoyance), and she just…doesn’t feel like getting into it.

Meanwhile Trevor, Gwen’s campaign manager/law school buddy/best friend/lavender marriage soulmate, if they were in a different time, is like bitch, what’re you doing? Yes, everyone knows you’re gay as hell, but you can’t be chasing girls right now, you can’t afford to be distracted. You especially can’t afford to look distracted. And you can’t be robbing the cradle while looking distracted.

“She’s not that young.”

“Uh-huh. She wears Winnie the Pooh clothes.”

“Scrubs, those are scrubs. Scrubs aren’t clothes.”

“Uh-huh.”

“She works in a children’s ward, Trevor.”

“Uh-huh. I really wish you wouldn’t do this, but since you care nothing about me and my mental state and all the hours and hours of hard work I’ve put in for you—”

“After badgering me into hiring you over someone more qualified.”

“Hey! More qualified. I resent that. Anyway, if you insist on ruining my day, at least wear that face cream I gave you. Should make you look less like you’re robbing the cradle.”

“Go to hell.”

“And don’t do the oyster thing. Not on a first date, in the middle of the campaign.”

“It’s not a date, it’s just lunch.”

“Uh-huh.”

Gwen doesn’t do the oyster thing. Not on the first date, which neither of them acknowledge as a date, for entirely different reasons. But then there’s a second and a third, and sex, lots of sex, and it’s harder to pass off as just friendly.

And yeah, the sneaking around that Gwen hates. That Mildred says she doesn’t mind, and she actually doesn’t seem to all that much, which Gwen finds slightly concerning. Mildred’s good with secrets though, she’s good with being kept a secret. Mostly. Which again, Gwen finds concerning.

There’s pillow talk and Mildred admitting more about herself than she has to anyone, ever. Which still isn’t nearly as much as what Gwen admits, but it’s a relative thing. And still, Mildred doesn’t talk about Edmund. Gwen finds that one out on her own, stumbles across some old photos, a scrapbook of Edmund’s crimes. Gwen’s briefly concerned that Mildred is one of those people who’re deeply attracted to serial killers, but the truth is…something else.

Mildred tells her things. Some of the deeper, darker stuff, but not much, not yet. Tells her how she’s written to everyone she can think of because he’s a boy, okay? He was in an impossible situation, they both were, no one ever helped them, so Edmund decided he had to die. No one helped them before, no one helps them now. There’s anger and tears and Gwen holding her and she can’t help asking why Mildred didn’t talk to her sooner, if she’s had no problem asking for help from strangers.

“Because you aren’t,” Mildred says in a way that makes it clear she’s figuring this stuff out as she says it. “A stranger, you aren’t. You never were and I couldn’t…I didn’t want to become one to you. I didn’t want you to look at me like that.”

“Oh Mildred…”

Mildred doesn’t actually ask her to help. She doesn’t want Gwen to think that’s what it’s all been about. It was supposed to be, but it isn’t. She doesn’t ask. Gwen digs into things herself, digs into this kid who was barely double-digits when he did these things. Made all the headlines at the time, but that was over a decade ago, he’s been locked up ever since. Most of Mildred’s money goes to him, one way or another.

Gwen hides it from Trevor—the murderer, not the sex, he knew about the sex before she ever said anything—for as log as she can. But he’s always been nosy, and now he has a paid excuse to be nosy, and he nearly has an aneurysm when he hears why it is that Gwen’s suddenly digging into this case instead of kissing the babies of gay couples, like she should be.

Gwen cannot do this. Nope, absolute no. She cannot be sneaking around with the younger sister of the kid they’ve made all the documentaries about. Doesn’t matter that she’s running on a platform of prison reform, especially as it pertains to juveniles, this is not the case to start with, especially when she hasn’t won yet.

And Gwen knows. She knows. She argues with Trevor about it until he decides they both need to stop because Gwen has a speaking engagement tomorrow and she can’t sound hoarse. There are many further arguments, arguments about principles over politics, but Gwen knows he’s right. She cannot, should not, be doing any of this, at least not yet. It’s dangerous, it’s selfish, Mildred deserves better than being someone’s secret again. Gwen should break it off, at least until the election. She’s not being fair to either of them like this. They should stop, at least for a few months.

Except it’s Mildred and she’s totally hijacked Gwen’s everything, and the thought of stopping makes her ill, and everything about this is terrifying, the most terrifying thing ever.

And then there’s the checkup and the routine mammogram. Gwen started those earlier than most because somebody’s aunt on somebody’s side of the family got sick, somebody’s cousin on the other side did too.

Scratch that, there’s a new winner for most terrifying thing ever.

It’s good, they say. She started early, they caught it early, this is good, they have treatments for this. Good, they say, while Gwen damn near passes out. She’s got a campaign to finish, she can see the Too Sick to Serve headlines already. A bald look would not test well, she’s sure it wouldn’t. She talks to Trevor about that, about the campaign, until he tells her to shut the fuck up, yanks her into a crushing hug. He cries, damn him, and that makes her cry.

She’s glad he’s there.

She wishes Mildred was.

She is also relieved as hell that Mildred isn’t, that they’re on opposite sides of the state right now. No point having Mildred see her like this, having her worry. She’s got enough to worry about, enough to hurt about.

Not that Gwen isn’t planning to tell her. She is. It’s only been a few whirlwind months, but Gwen knows enough to realize that a lie of omission would be a bad, bad, bad idea where Mildred’s concerned, regardless of intention. Gwen doesn’t think of hiding it anyway, not really. Mildred deserves better then that. When and how to tell the public…that’s a completely different clusterfuck of a situation, but Mildred, Gwen just wants to tell her in person. That way Mildred can see her face when she promises it’s no big deal (hopefully without seeing how terrified she actually is), and Gwen will have all the paperwork and things she knows Mildred will want to see, and they can hold each other, and it’s just, it’s not phone call news.

Except then it’s headline news, because somehow it’s leaked. Fox News is having a field day, certain corners of the Internet are already gleefully writing her obituary, and she’s missed literally hundreds of calls by the time she gets a look at her phone. At least half of those are from Mildred. Mildred who actually sounds hysterical for the first time since Gwen’s known her, that bastard on the news with the hair, he says you’re dying, why aren’t you answering, how long have you known, please, please pick up the phone, just pick up the phone god dammit.

She’s managed to keep Mildred a secret for months. This? This doesn’t last three days before it’s everywhere. Gwen does get an I love you for the first time ever, but seeing as Mildred’s sobbing over her voicemail when it happens, the joy is somewhat muted.

[cattles-bians]

the 'um. are our exes dating' damie thread

post directory

em: unfortunately i have ‘rebecca as jamies old flame’ brainworms and ‘viola as danis old flame’ brainworms bc lesbians sure be forming these intricate webs of exes

obsetress: bestie the best part of this is that, like all exes, dani and jamie end up together, but so do rebecca and viola, yes this is canon and no i will not be taking questions

em: holy SHIT now THAT is a rarepair!!!!!!!

em: i mean they have a lot of free time stuck in that lake.......

obsetress: so what if i made custom discord emotes specifically so it would look like they were on a date

em: WHAT IF

em: viola: on her nightly wander through the grounds

me twirling my hair: haha do you come here often

obsetress: sometimes i just like to think about how viola is a taurus and rebestiecca is a virgo and they have the swankiest flat in london together with marble countertops and stainless steel appliances and rebecca is a high powered attorney and viola buys all the designer clothes she wants and dani and jamie will come into the city to visit them but then rebecca and vi immediately start fighting and dani and jamie are like "uh owen can you come pick us up they're fighting again" but he's too busy taking hannah out to a nice dinner so they just end up getting a hotel instead and then show up to brunch the next morning and rebecca and viola are there smiling pleasantly like nothing happened and viola didn't throw a box of biscuits against the wall just last night and when dani can't control her big mouth and asks about it (jamie elbowing her in the ribs as she takes a big gulp of bloody mary) viola and rebecca just look confused and rebecca furrows her brows and is like "what fight?" and dani and jamie just look at each other and jamie shrugs and slings an arm over dani's shoulder and then they order another round of drinks but like i said i only think about this sometimes it's not like it's a full-blown headcanon or anything)

em: there is so much to process here hannah but: taurus viola is such a god tier take & i can’t believe i never thought about it?? earth sign queens

obsetress: thank you i agree and i promise you this is not my taurus ass projecting, viola is actually a textbook taurus and in this essay i will––

em: i love typing a response and by the time i send a reply there is a full fic in my mentions

obsetress: like i said! not something i think about all the time or anything!

em: yeah viola is a little volatile sometimes but they always talk abt it after and most importantly they never go 2 bed angry! violas workin through some stuff n rebecca doesn’t let her push her around

em: i MEAN or they’re totally dysfunctional but i’m dying at damie like ‘ah owen cna u pick us up the girls are fighting again’

obsetress: rebecca sits her down and makes her talk about it and she gently steers vi towards "i feel" statements, focuses on stating "you did x, and it made me feel y," and when she covers vi's hand with hers, gently stroking her thumb over her knuckles, all the tension leaves vi's body

obsetress: and viola's willing, just for a minute, to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, rebecca was right. but only this one time

obsetress: (rebecca does her best to hold back a smirk, because "only this one time" seems to happen every time, but she's not about to say that to viola's face, not now, when vi's leaning into her and nuzzling against her cheek)

em: oh this is Tender

em: damie sitting in the restaurant completely baffled makes me Lose It like yeah ok we all wanna be gentle emotionally intelligent lesbians dani clayton or jamie taylor but some of us aren’t quite there yet!!

obsetress: viola, staring at jamie's arm slung over dani's shoulder and the way dani's beaming over at her, tangling her fingers with jamie's: do you two... need to be doing that? why are you doing that

obsetress: rebecca: they're in love, babe

viola: i don't feel the need to do... that, and i love you just fine

rebecca: i love you just fine, too

dani and jamie: (staring, horrified, across the table as their waiter serves them their eggs benedict)

em: @ dani @ jamie some people aren’t on the cusp of fucking at Any Given Moment

obsetress: you: (that)

dani: i don't understand the question

rebecca: it... wasn't a question

obsetress: they're just tryna be cottagecore and vi and rebecca are out here all big city earth sign power lesbians fighting in their penthouse apartment and dani's just like "wow you two have a dishwasher???? how neat"

em: vi constantly answers the door in expensive dressing gowns that show way too much leg and the first couple times dani and jamie are suddenly v interested in the wall paper but eventually they’re just like congrats on the tits maam can we have a spot of tea

em: violas like, gloating about some business investment or properties or a lucrative deal she was ruthless enough to land and danis like oh cool :) i’ve been making a lot of jam lately. would u like some jam

obsetress: inflated property value ex-gf and homemade jam ex-gf

obsetress: meanwhile, their respective gfs, won over the jury in closing arguments ex-gf and successfully integrated a new bee colony and harvested her first jar of honey ex-gf, are sipping their whiskey and watching, enamored, as it all plays out

em: viola cannot understand they’re perfectly happy in their cosy little apartment above the shop n she’s like ‘i have some gorgeous new properties if you ever want to-‘ and rebecca and dani have to figure out how to change the topic before jamie goes off w her Kill Landlords polemic

obsetress: jamie, later: i will tolerate her, dani, i will tolerate her because you love her and because rebecca loves her, but i swear to GOD if she "not all landlords" me one more time i'll––

em: jamie ‘card carrying socialist’ taylor cannot fucking stand viola half the time n eventually she half jokes that dani ‘downgraded’ to her drop out working class ass n danis like ??? oh babe. baby cmere. me and vi broke up for like 1000 reasons but the class difference didn’t Help

em: way later dani mumbles something like ‘i said the $2 aldi wine tasted perfectly drinkable and she didn’t speak to me for days’ and jamies like ‘pardon?’ but danis already Zonked Out

obsetress: ldkjfslkdfjlsj this part SENT me just. the idea of dani's final, dozing thought being viola pressed over the two dollar aldi wine

obsetress: sometimes jamie doesn't understand how dani could've dated viola at all, but then they'll be at dinner and rebecca will make some comment about some case and dani and viola's hackles will raise in the exact same way and they'll start popping right tf off down the same lane

obsetress: and jamie's like "oh, right. that"

obsetress: (it also doesn't hurt, jamie begrudgingly admits to herself next time viola answers the door Tits Out™️, that viola's hot. super hot)

———

bonus:

audacity: just. the chaos of capitalist vi and socialist jamie being in the same fucking room

audacity: liberal versus leftist ding ding ding round one fight

obsetress: i’m crying liberal vs leftist that’s literally it

obsetress: “of course i’m a leftist, jamie, i’m gay” “that’s not—“

audacity: i love you vi but my money’s on jamie HSKDHSKDHSJSH

audacity: GOD

audacity: VI NOT EVEN KNOWING LIB IS NOT LEFTIST I—

obsetress: “it’s not like i’m a conservative just because i have money, please”

audacity: jamie looking at vi’s ostentatious new dress and going “how many renters did you make homeless for THAT”

[smndragon]

Hello, I know I haven’t been following your account for too long but you’re one of my fave accounts. You really put a lot of effort and offer your resources/knowledge/time without hesitation which I feel often times other creators don’t really have the opportunity to do. Thank you for your dedication because I’ve found your posts really insightful and they’ve been really helpful in expanding my knowledge <3

I also wanted to ask if you were offering readings atm because I was really interested in receiving one from you! If not, it’s okay! <33

[ Big Six :

Sagittarius ↑, Scorpio ☀︎, Leo ☽

Virgo Venus , Capricorn Mars, Sagittarius Mercury ]

I hope you’ve been doing well and I hope both sides of your pillow is cold !!! <3

Also, Idk if you watch anime but if you could recommend one one of your faves I’d really appreciate it! :,))

If you don’t mind me asking, I was wondering how many years you’ve been studying Astro considering the amount of knowledge you have. I’ve been dabbling myself but I find it intimidating. ESP when it comes to the complexity of birth charts because of all the different variables you need to consider.

Thank you for taking your time to read my ask! I really appreciate your consideration!! <3

You had me over here looking up "what does atm mean in text" like a grandma on Google 😭😭 I really couldn't figure that out I thought of the money atm. Thank you for saying all this though! I do try to take time even if my fingers have to hurt for it. I'm glad you're learning a bit from them or opening your mind to it! Glad to be one of your favs!

An anime recommendation is probably sword art online. It's a basic but I really like it I've watched all the seasons at least 5 or 4 times. Either that or possibly is it wrong to pick up girls in a dungeon I think it was called. I haven't watched anime in a while to be honest. Learning wise and growth I believe movies like Mirai and flavours of youth on Netflix are very sentimental and leave you touched.

I've been studying only since early 2021 really maybe mid? I started by Tumblr actually, I got the app because I wanted to read more fanfic sites and explore more and I got into more astrology here. I already was interested before then for years but I never actually looked so far into it until then. I actually only learned by readings posts every day I would look up "astro observations" and just read for as long as I could. I took a few people's charts that are long dead by now to compare and analyze since I liked them so much. I learned everything here and still am. I actually recently got back into the astrology side, I took a break to read more into other things. The rest I get are based on feelings and easy searching, I'm sorry I can't really explain it too well. Most of the stuff I learned was from @d4rkpluto @saintzjenx @hillarysss and @ilyneptune I believe is somewhere there either that or it was for pile readings which they have really good ones!

It's like 5:36 in the morning I haven't slept at all but I feel great so let's do your reading! Hm, Scorpio sun, Leo moon, and Sagittarius ascendant. We have the same ascendant which makes me happy! I didn't save so a part got deleted but I saw a girl with lilies on her head immediately, like a sort of crown. It reminded me of Hans Christian Andersen because he once made a flower crown and placed it on someone's hat making them mad after finally finding it💀 this girl reminds me of a time that seems so long ago now. She smiles at nothing and laughs at air, as if she sees things no else had dared speak to. Children are walkways wonderful because they have these gifts, to see things we cant. Possibly 'imaginary' friend when you were younger, or you spent time just pleasing yourself easily.

The first sign that talks to me is the Leo moon, the Scorpio wanted to speak but the Leo was very loud. It feels so touch starved to me which ain't bad but lord both it and the Scorpio sun are. Possible manifestation abilities. They aren't strong but you're able to do it anyone is, whatever you want in life must be looked brightly at, it's okay to have dark days but return that dream and wanting image to your sun and it will become as close as true as out world allows it. The flower crown I saw makes me think there's an Innocence and purity in you that still stand today, never changing. The flowers are the manifestation of this Innocence and this need to be that ways somewhere in you. Possibly fear of expectation and somehow losing that part of you to something in the future. You shouldn't be afraid of what happens, things will change sadly, we can never change that and as people we have to accept it even if it gets dark. Unless this will deeply harm you it's time to let go. Tell that younger you or someone that they cna be free, to be a with all the friends they were with when they were younger. Ik that wasn't a full reading but that's what I got from either your Leo or Scorpio. The Leo wants your joy to be brought back, but not in the form of the fear of losing something. "I'm here" "it's okay" they held you at your darkest moments and will continue to do so. I feel they'll be there especially when you're older, telling you it's alright to let go of the life you once had. (Dark theme sorry but it is what happens to us all in the end) their home is in you, every part I see, the physical body comes out when you need her, a dirty blonde with a white plain shoulder and neck showing shirt, with a plain but modern skirt thin material. They have brown eyes, the eyes of a mother really, with a broad and flattens at the nose. A few dots on the sides of their eyes or face. Aura color is a wheat yellow.

The Scorpio sun is very wanting, jealous of being ignored at times. It wants some things so wholly it hurts. The domain of the Scorpio is a dark and warm place, sweat falls down my forehead as if I'm being boiled to a roast. I want to hold the Scorpio sun, it feels ignored by people. Scorpios are every sympathetic people deep down, they crave affection and reassurance, when not given they cna form unhealthy habits. Not to say you're suffering from this too harshly it's just your Scorpio needs to be cared for at some point, drink a cup of tea or something soothing, talk to your Scorpio and let it talk back, in the deepest parts of your mind they are there always and forever, waiting to recover with your strength and company. Aura is brown and radiant black splotches here and there. Possible placements are the neck, or left shoulder. Body is in the form of a bulked Scorpion, brown shelled. You may possibly have longer nails or well shaped ones. Been complimented on your hands or had them called small which was annoying maybe.

The last of the signs is the Sagittarius ascendant. It take the form of a human, has a long tail though, reptile like. It adores the space you allow it. It roams the chest area, pillows and blankets cover the room. The Sagittarius isn't lazy, it's just overworked they don important things for the body, they care for your muscles and heart. Making sure it has steady beats. They keep you as active as you could be. Enough to keep you healthy. The room is plain with white walls and tan yellow carpet. The Sagittarius takes chalk and writes on the walls "plans" "action" weird words to put down but they keep writing, I also them what they're doing but don't really get a reply. Nothing left here.

Characteristics: small hands well shaped nails, brown hair?, Style is kind of alt if or neutral. Hoodies, jeans, skirts occasionally, the not too extreme chokers, bracelets, slight makeup or none. Because of the Sagittarius I would like to say tall and slim, but I have that and I sure am not those💀 possibly could still work though. I think short though honestly. Sneakers. Binders and folders in school or home. Filled with ideas and things. Brown or green eyes.

Soulmate/ future relationship: (it in one now ignore or keep reading) I see you both planning stories and all kind soft things, laying down pointing to journals and books of your things. You guys don't laugh often but you do show affection in smiles, kisses, hugs, and closeness. I feel they won't fully kiss you until you age to grab their face or after the 11th date🙃

Possible zodiac influence in your life around you: Scorpio Mars, Gemini Venus, Libra

Future/health: nothing much here possible accidents involving phones be careful and lay attention, may crack or break it soon.

[theliterateape]

Five Days With Kiddos

I recently decided to pick up an extra job working at a local center for children. I don’t want to name it, so we’ll just call it the Children’s Center, or the Center, for short.

Long ago, when I worked at Walmart, I used to say that everyone needs to work in retail to understand why customers are the worst human beings that ever existed. Then, when I began working at a nursing home, I used to say everyone should have to work as a CNA because then nursing homes might actually get the resources they so desperately need.

True to form, I want to say now that everyone, everyone needs to work at some type of Children’s Center. This is especially true for anyone wanting to have kids. I’m a mom, and the decision to work with children has only solidified my resolve to have only one child and stop the madness before it gets worse.

Day One working at the Center:

The kids are so loud. LOUD. Okay, that’s not totally unexpected. They hit each other constantly and why do boys find the need to scream at the top of their lungs? Are they enjoying their super-high voices while they have them? Girls do not do this. Instead, girls whisper secrets and make each other cry.

The Center is a large building with many rooms, all themed differently to provide the children opportunities to have a variety of fun before they go home. It doesn’t work like that anymore now that COVID has hit the world. Now the children are quarantined to one room and there they must stay. Packed into a single space like animals. Every now and again they get let out into the yard.

My first day on the job had me working in the Sports Room. This room is basically a gymnasium with sports equipment, a large television, and an Xbox. We played dodgeball, tag, and soccer. It was fun and exhausting. I loved it.

I learned a valuable lesson that day. One of the other staff members told me that it was important to devise a set of rules and remind the children of these rules to help them behave.

My list of rules began like this:

1.Everyone gets along.

2.No one gets hurt.

Pretty simple. Short and sweet.

Day Two:

We played outside for SIX HOURS. I kept asking if they wanted to go inside. They all said no. I had no watch and no phone. I had no idea how long six hours could feel when stuck outside with children and no way of knowing if it’d been five minutes or sixty.

There were objects flying everywhere. I just knew someone was going to take a ball to the face. I did not want it to be me, so I added to my list of rules.

3. Do not hit me in the face.

Day Three:

I got hit in the face with a kickball. By a staff member. I realized, it was a waste of energy to enforce rules that would be broken whether I wanted them to or not. So, realizing that the children will pretty much break all rules and staff members don’t get paid enough to care too much, I altered rule 3.

3. Do not get me in trouble.

I don’t care what they do as long as they follow those three rules.

Day Four:

I got assigned to a new room. This one is called the Computer Lab for obvious reasons. I thought it’d be easy. A room full of computers, a projector, and a PS4 would keep the pre-teens content for the six hours that I worked.

That was the worst day on the job so far.

The kids came in running, screaming, and fighting. Pushing, hitting, kicking, punching, biting, scratching. None of them were interested in staring mindlessly and silently at screens. I tried to get them doing crafts with me. They decided to take all the glue sticks and shove toothpicks into them to turn them all into shanks. There were children running on top of tables, diving into the terrified masses with these Elmer’s shanks, trying to claim as many victims as possible before I could snatch the weapons away.

While I was occupied with that, a few boys had the great idea to take all the scissors and feed them through broom handles to create scythes. These boys became Grim Reapers and were swinging their scythes around, hoping for murder.

Unable to turn my back on anyone at this point, I managed to remove the scissors and keep them in my pocket. The broom handles had to stay, because if I took my hand out of my pocket and off the scissors some 10-year old paw would be right in there to remove them from me.

I realized then that the rules I’d devised were worthless and life was meaningless and I’d slipped into some random dark dimension where time moves three times slower than normal and the smaller your body mass was the more terrifying you were.

At this point, the ladies who work the front desk were opening my room door every ten minutes to yell at the children. This did nothing to get them in line, it only riled them further.

Some of the children found popsicle sticks and were using them to break into the locked closet door. Once the door was open, the closet full of files and expensive computer equipment became a free-for-all Thunder Dome. I literally had to remove popsicle sticks from these kids because they couldn’t be trusted WITH POPSICLE STICKS.

As if my day wasn’t bad enough: Enter Janitor.

This lady is about six feet tall and fills a room. She swung my door open and began raging at my room full of animals to PUT THE BROOMS AWAY! GET OFF THE TABLES! PUT YOUR SHOES ON! STOP YELLING!

I honestly know she was trying to help, but Janitor is universally hated at the Center. Her presence was actually the thing that helped unite the children to me. As soon as she shut the door and walked away, the children all began whispering to me how much they hated her. All I had to do was listen and not correct them and they instantly believed I was on their side.

Turns out, I kinda joined their side because after all my kids finally went home and I was left to clean up, I was scolded by Janitor for not sweeping my room good enough. This woman actually pulled me away from the time clock, walked me back to my empty room where another janitor was cleaning, and pointed out the small pile of dirt they had swept after I was supposed to do it.

I went home that day and found a crumpled up muffin someone had stuck in my pocket.

Day Five:

Shell-shocked, I entered work to find I had the pre-school aged kids. I thought, this will be a lovely break. Snuggly kids who want attention, still like baby-talk and pleasing their elders, and are easily distracted.

I walked into the room and instantly wondered, “Why is everyone crying?” “What does that mess belong to?” “Is that… is that an APPLE? How did it get there and, just, WHY?”

We played hide and seek. I refused to play because I had just learned yesterday that I should never turn my back on children. I was correct in this because all the children ran into the art closet and proceeded to dump everything on the floor so they could hide inside of boxes. It was well-rehearsed and definitely not the first time they’d done this.

After lots of yelling, threatening with time-outs, and turning down deals made by five-year-olds, I managed to get the kids to clean up the closet and sit down for my all-time favorite game: Movie Theater.

Tip for anyone thinking about having multiple kids, this game is perfect for littles who won’t calm down.

It works every time. Chairs were lined up in neat rows, snacks were passed around, the lights were dimmed, a movie was selected and I achieved ONE HOUR of quiet time.

Thank you for the applause.

I’ve worked at the Center for three weeks so far and have plenty more stories to share at another time. But, seriously, if you want to bring a herd of children into this world, try working with them first. They’re loud, messy, and primitive. But they are also creative, have a strength of character most adults lack, and can find amazing moments to unify and work together towards a common goal. I have come to love these kids and appreciate their individuality.

If you’ve never worked with children, I highly recommend it. Volunteer, babysit, anything that gets you exposure to these weirdly awesome little human beings. I’m so fortunate to have this summer job and know that I will miss it dearly when I have to walk away.

[1mrhyde]

rpg au!

setting and world:ok here we go this time rpg au will be in a world we ra nature rule than tech nolo gy(i eman even more than what it shows in theseries ike for example instead of brieges made of stone are bridges that are atually really big roots )welp nothe less this time is different at differnt of the shiny rod chosing its owner its waiting or its owner you see the shiny rod dissapeared long ago after certain ncident happend you see chariot in this au is a arch magicina animist that alongside the shiny rod cretaes amzing speel related to nature animals an dteh enviroment due that she feels that nature itself is magical and its the living prro thta life is wonderful since ths world is more connected to nartue itsel chariot was more famous and known than the series itself sh eapears on cristall balls magic scrolls and by visions spells but not everyone was happy with he rfriend the alchemist artificer croix she didnt get why caring a lot for nature you see everytime that humanity wanted to advance technolgically the magic creatures (and persons) were agains it and destroys every possible way to happen and nature was the wwinner croix wantng to humanity to advanced decide to sabotaged chariot show just that this time by making invocations hex and use of alchemist it doe not work until she accidnetally makes a final speel conving a invocation with a hex fuelled with negative power make a invctaion of a poweful demon known as noir he begins consuming everyone living foce and then invocate portals to use it minnions to attck near towns villages and everithing thta have a himan being (oh yeah by using his influence to affec evryon that see the show)the demon touches a certain blonde woman and her duaghter scream and telling him to stop another girl use minii fireworks to help the moter and said to the blonde gril get down and use the firework saving th blonde girla nd her mother bu then variou demons suround her the mtoher hugging th two girls while tryin to prtoect them suddeny a rar of light destroys the demon it was chariot she begins destroying the demons and finally fattaly hurts their leader and hides away in the darkness succesfully saving everyone and tis time not losing the shiny rod by her fut!....but rather croix fault the great grandmother mother eatrh spirit known as yggdrassil congratuates her by her efforts but also says that she will punish croix by her insolence with her life chariot angry with her friend but not the enought f wanting her death decides to give her right of the shiny rod to save her yggdrassil ws surprised by it so sehd ecides to et croix to live and givin gher new possition s great mage and giving her a magnificent wand but croix was cursed to become souless tree creature to wander the earth and she will return to normal wehn she lerns all her wrodoings croix was angry of this ot happpen and curse chariot of ever meeting ther and vanish with a fog speell and dispears and yggdrasil dissapears after teeling to chariot to be herself and tech toher her way of livng then a excited brown haire girl goes were chariot and aks her to be her teacher she wa shappy of her new role as a teacher she wanted to ask tot he blond girl but t she and her mother dissapeared and so the shiny rod was lost in some forest waiting for the right person to use it since that day akko and chariot trained tgether since they met growning closer lik mother nd daughter (this time chariot was still havingg her happy youg self an de xpand it in her adult years) so one day akko would be stroung enought to reclaim it !

the guild:but this world is also dagerous full of traps monsters ceature and demons and bad peope her quest wont be easy so she alone cnat do it she ask chariot to help her but she says she mist find croix after so many yeras of dissapearing so sh says no with no worringly so since her favorite teacher cnat help her she decides to go alone (akko is warrior class) but she fails a lot and gets hurt badly a ot so she decides to make a guld "the shiny stars of the stars " nd goes to near villages towns and unnown parts to creta eher guild an dready for advetures!

croix role:ok here we go youse tehre is no only human here they are held dwarfes goblins orcs and many more and her es teh thing croix cursed staet was quite known in the upper world that everyone hates her for ibertaing the demon and her minnion smaking destrution so she live in under world shee befriend the dwarfes and she teach ehr o her technlogy sloly becaems a expert on their technology so much that combining their technology and speels croix mangae to almost recover her normal state her taent in the manafucture wa sso impriseive tht she cerates a company in th e sahdows and became a powrful an dinfluecing as always so she wants to ue taht power tot ke over the world adn reclim the shiny rod detriy ygddrasi an dthe 9nwitches and having he revnege aginst chariot! but she can do ti alone she comands the dwarfes and other underwod inhabitant to capture els human orcs devils...and noir minnions she experiment on them braiwashing them and modifying them with mechanical parts and comand them to make chaos and destruction around the world while in the upper world she uses a more human disguise in order to make del wihth nobe families and trick them to help her growimg empire in military na d fianncial way but her destruction dersoy million o life by eefct

diana the elf princess:diana is a elf princees that in he ryounger years was curious of the outside world so she and her mother goe to a a certain show and bad things happen a monster grabs her other making her screm and her veins infected by the touch of the devil was screaming a nd pleading somebody save her she was cryong an dbeging soebody to help he rmother then suddenly se hears a voice telling her get down launching fireworks to the monster svaing her seeing whowas her shinig prince was surprised to see that was a young brown haired girl and she gets coser to dian and asks her are you ok? she then says shyli "y-yes.." andhelp her mother with the help of the girl she sks he rduring all tht chaous "whoa re you ?" "oh youa re asking my name welp my name is akatsu akatsuragi but i preffer "akko"! dian says with shiny eyes "akko" then akko notices something on the girls it was fire she stops the fire but see diana ears and sh ask are youa elf? yess "awesome ""really?" before they continut heri conversation the monster was going to kill them chariot saves them adter what happens akko dcide to go where chariot was and tells dian to go wtih her dian amzed was going to followe her but sudeenly when akko turns to se chariot some elf guardians grab her an he rother an say that they cat and dian abegs to be with akko that seh is the princess that she can do what she wants but before she begins a agrument with the guard bernadette stops and tells to ehr hat she cn met ako...later she sadly agress to her request after seeing who hurt she was so they telported before akko culd notice it and aks where she went then the next day dian wanders the fores thing whta happened losin i her thouhts she hears soemoen greeting ehr itw as akko she was hesttitant at first but go where she was and decide to spend the dya with her akko telling of chariot and her magic while daian say about her mother and elve magic and soemtimes they train wat hey learnt diana also said thats i dangerous for her to be utside since she is aelf akko asks why she is spending time with her diana says becaus eh trust her she beives tha she is not harm that she can be friends with r akko is grateful for it so they spend thei time toether in far parts fo the forests during the afternoon until night they spend their togethr during years diana become a great elven mage astrolonger an akko a great warrio captain when they became teenager thanks by akko dian could be better an dhandle her mothe rdepature btter akko became open minded of magic and people and became great friends with diana bu their together shortendian became the actual queen of her pple and akko begins traing hand to hand combat with chariot once akko decde to amke guild sh tells to dian and she says thats a stupid idea akko get angry of it but diana tells her why the hel does she need the shiny rod if she by herslef can make great things to happen akko wa sblushing by dian saying suh silly thing but she says that shee need the shny rod if she wnats to get rid of the demon onc eand for all and that cna also make mircales dina sti thinking be stup thing but anyway supports akko akkow as happy to hear that that ask dian to join her gud dian says that i she could do it she would joint it but she cnat due of her repsonsibilieties and that she must return to the kingdom imeedtaly but before that diana wnat to ask something to akko but she wnated to say it in the night and akko confused she agrees so she oes going to another near own with her good lucky self while dian sees while smilng from afar her dumb friend during the night dian with a fancy dress waits for kko for a loooong while she gets worr thinking that akko was not interetsed in their conversation until one of eh rguardinas tell her that akko was in the near hot sring relaxings after sufferin lots oof damage dina use telpeortation magic where she i with exreme worry oh knowng wat happend to akko she explains she tries to recruit memeber sfor her guild in a bar wth the most dangerous ruthless people ver known diann samks her at ther head ansd tells her not to do somehtng foolish like taht ever gain akko says she promises (while crossing her fingrs) and dian lets her rest but herr woorry grow stronge revry inch away form akko so she decides to train in combat steat archery and difffenet kindof self defense to help he rand dres sherself like a ninja (you know like zelda and sheik)sowhen she finsh he rtraining she will help akko while using another identfy to hlp eh rgather the shiny rod by 2 reasons 1.to help akko of dying 2. to discver the secets o the shiny rod nd becam e the scond meber of the guild oh and asks her assitnts hannah and barabra to comand the elven ingdom while she is away

amanda and her mercenary gang:ok here we go remeber in the other au thta conz works with croix to help he rthis time is backwards she wnat to destroy her you see this time the whole grren team wher echildhood frinds sine the noir demon left them the 3 of them withouth parents conz was scard nd jams was traumatized and amanda became their leader ate early yers she save both conz and jams form the demon attacks and she promise to them no matte rwhat happens he woun abbandon tem and will make the one responsible to pay for what she have done so the trhee od them gos to adventure togenther jamnska is a berser axe wileder conz is creatonist hammer wileder and manada an rogue with doule blade together they create a fearsome tro that goes to dangerus adventure earn lots of gold and got to amainzg adventures they were relaxing on a bar thinking what to do next until a idiotic girl ask he rif they join wither on he rguild

species: oh yeah croix is hald wood creature tecnology hybried jams is part giant conz is a tecno magician dwarfe and manda is fae (fairy that likes to make michieves)

[hos17armageddon]

Tate’s Answers & Closing Statement

Jenna: 

I wish I had talked more about our Final 2 deal, but it was mostly a pre-jury alliance and I wanted to keep that section of my speech fairly short. While I did briefly mention that you and I bonded fairly early into the game, I'll take this opportunity to expand on our final 2.  Our "Macaroni and Cheese" alliance that was created week 1 was instrumental in getting me to the jury phase. You had key bonds in the house that I didn't have, and being aligned with you kept me somewhat safe. You were able to tell me how the house was voting which allowed me to continue my UTR game play. We shared information too. I realize that Agustin and you were friends in this game, but I do hope you know that I loved our conversations and I think we really worked well together. I knew I was never going to be able to beat you in the end, and you were such a strong player. One of my best moves was aligning with you for the first half of the game because it set me up in a position where I had all the information I needed to turn the game around and take control during the trail nominations. P.S. I think I'm pretty cute too wtf :P

Alex: 

Hey dude! From day 1 to the day you were voted out, you were my number 1. Before you were evicted I did want to go to the final 2 with you. You became one of my bestfriends in this game. This may be harsh but at the time I thought that if I kept playing the way that I was, I would beat you in a final 2 scenario anyway. I was never going to turn my back on you. I had many final 2s in this game because I honestly just liked so many people in this cast. I saw benefits to working with almost everyone and these f2 deals worked out for me immensely. Once you were gone, I had to create new final 2s in Keegan and Lauren to keep me safe and in the know.

Zach: 

Hi Zach! I honestly believe that my game was vastly superior for multiple reasons. Firstly, I made gamechanging moves (trail nominations, secret idol play with Keegan) and I made subtle moves (Multiple final 2s, throwing comps to minimize my target). Both of these types of moves allowed me to play a PROACTIVE game. I was always setting myself up to not only be safe for the current week, but for future weeks too. Compared to Agustin who could only hope for REACTIVE moves that weren't even always made by him. I never needed people to use a veto on me, because I was never really nominated. I believe I was never nominated because I made sure that I was always important to the people that had power. Even when you were HoH, I wasn't nominated. I was voted "most likely to win" in Touchy Subjects. In my time playing ORGs, that is usually a death sentence. I was able to overcome that stigma by making sure I was a important piece to other people's game, all while making sure my targets went home. Also, a simple explanation of whose game was better can be broken down to me having 2 comp wins compared to Agustin's 0. I was nominated 2 times compared to Agustin's 6. I beat Agustin in basically every "stat" there is. That plays into why I took him over Ryan. Ryan played a game very similar to mine. I truly think Ryan played a better game than Agustin. I believe that even if you and some other jurors were closer to Agustin in game, you are all fans of the game who will vote for who played the better game. And it is undeniable that my game outclasses Agustin's in almost every category.

My biggest regret in this game was that I didn't talk to you or Agustin more. I think we could have done lot's of things together in this game. But at the same time, I needed some sort of "enemies" to keep my allies thinking I was not against them. You were evicted because we saw you as somebody who had the power to sway people. You are such a likable person that it's hard to go against you. People are drawn to you naturally. That was something that really scared me. James and I never had an official f2, but we had an agreement of the sorts of "you don't put me up, I won't put you up". James hadn't turned his back on me yet, so that's another reason I voted to evict you. I had already nominated you, and you had just taken out my best friend in the house. I just didn't see you in my plans moving forward, and I don't think I was in your either. So I had to strike before you got me.

Adrian : 

Thank you Adrian! I really am glad I had the chance to get to know you better because of HoS, and I cna really see why people say you are a dangerous player now!

1- I thought it was a good time to use it because in a double eviction, lots of things can go wrong. I decided to use it before the veto because  I had a date the next night while the veto was being played, so if it was a twist that would shake up the house, I needed to do it before then. I didn't want to use it before because as you know, my early game is all about being UTR and playing all sides. I didn't' want to force my hand so early.

2- It's hard to say because that week was so early into the game. I think there was a good chance of me going home that week. Obviously nothing is certain but I would say the chances of me getting evicted were probably 50/50. We don't know how the veto would have played out if the noms stayed the same so it really is a crapshoot. If I went out then, the whole season would have been different!

3- Well Jenna and Alex were my f2s in the first half, up until their evictions. I think I would have naturally gravitated towards Keegan/Lauren earlier than I did if Alex/Jenna weren't around in the early game. But I was also working with Elsa/Ryan early but no real f2 deal was ever made.

4- I wouldn't have led Lauren on during f5. I could and should have just been more upfront with her about my plans. She deserved that respect, but I did her a little dirty. I felt like a dick even if I knew it was best for game. I don't like seeing anybody get hurt, especially if I'm the cause. I think she wouldn't have been so hurt if I had just been more honest with her.

5- Yup! I've got lot's of regrets, not so much gamewise, but how I treated people. The Lauren backdoor at f5, I should have been more honest with her. I should have taken the time to get to know people a little more, like more than just as a player in this game (mainly Zach and Agustin) because I really do like everyone here.

Keegan: 

Love you bae! Thanks for the kind words.

Lauren: 

Your eviction was the hardest decision I had to make all game. Even harder than F3. Obviously it worked out because I'm here, but even without being results oriented, I think it was the best decision. I thought that if I was on the block in F4, James or Agustin would vote to save me. I was the biggest threat at F4, and I wasn't super good at comps. I was a real easy vote out at final 3. Meaning either Agustin or James (whoever was in final 3) were guaranteed a spot at final 2 if I was saved. Your eviction set up that scenario for me. I'm also was never 100% sure if you would take me to f2 or not, but even if you did I thought I would lose against you.

Lauren you were one of my fave people I met in this game, and I hope we can stay connected after it's all done. I loved being you partner in ios and I really wish I had the chance to redeem myself with you.

Ryan: 

Jenna - Jenna is such a fun person! She is a true defender of pineapple on pizza so I will always be a stan. My fave thing about my talks with Jenna was hearing all her stories about her and her boyfriend. They are honestly goals. I would love to go out with them if I'm ever back in Toronto.

Alex - My talks with Alex were mainly talking about other orgs that we were hosting or playing in, and the struggles of being in those roles. Alex and I talked a lot of game, but I found it really fun to discuss strategy with him. I learned a lot about Alex and who he is as a person through our strategy talks, like how he likes to find his number 1. Which I think applies to both irl and in game.

Zach - Admittedly, I didn't have much of a relationship with Zach. What I did learn about him in our few talks is that he is such a personable guy. I think in most season's we would have aligned together because we both view the game in very similar ways.

Elsa - I hope Elsa is having a great summer back at home, and she isn't too worried about starting school again! Elsa is such a kind and open minded human being. I can't think of anypoint Elsa saying anything negative about anything. I think Elsa and I would be great friends irl.

Adrian - I've known Adrian prior to HoS17, but Adrian and I had little bit of a rocky host/player relationship going into this game (mostly my fault, sorry for being an ass in Quebec lol). I honestly ADORED being able to talk to him as equals and really getting to know him this season. We talked a lot about work, and I know how hard he was working during this season. His kids week program meant a lot to him so I was happy to see that go well.

Keegan - Keegan and I bonded over a mutual friend. We also talked a lot about work, and our futures outside of work. He sent me so many dog pics I think my compute memory is all used up.  Similar to Alex, later in the game,  Keegan and I mainly talked about the game because we honestly were having so much fun talking about it. From finding the idol, to planning how we wanted the game to go, Keegan was always a blast to talk to.

Lauren - Lauren would rather carry me wedding style than piggyback me :P. Lauren and I became closer and closer as the game went on. Her dog is honestly the cutest.

James - We didn't talk much but we were ALWAYS on the same page gamewise. I see James' personality almost identical to his game (to me at least). He is just a honest straight up guy.

Ryan - I remember our first discussion was about fucking Degrassi LOL. You and me are probably the most similar people in this house imo. We take orgs seriously, but not too seriously. We both are chill dudes that just want to smoke a bowl and see some drama.

I'll be the first to admit I could have done more to get to know everyone. I think getting to know someone is only part of having a good social game. The other part is getting that person to trust you. I think I was in almost every juror's (minus Zach) top 3 for most trustworthy at some point in the game. So in that regard, my social game wasn't terrible.

Closing statement: 

So I think I've said everyting I've wanted to say about my game. I just want to highlight the fact that when all this is over, I'm going to look back at HoS17 and say I was able to not only survive the armageddon, I thrived in it. I never played anyone else's game but my own. I applied for this game because my friend Brett (season 16 winner) sent me the application and told me that this game would suit me well. I just wanted to give him a shoutout and say thank you to him, because he was right! I honestly adore everyone involved with this season. I've had such a great time pulling off #bigmovez and somehow escaping unharmed. I think if you look at mine and Agustin's game, you can easily tell who really took this game and ran with it. I thought I was a goner once I was voted "most likely to win", but here I am at the end.

Love you all. Tatertots out <3