#it is LATE where i am lmao so im not gonna really check for typos

[imperaptorfuriosa]

just saw your tag about the transgenderism of schwarzneggar films and now i need to know more

omg omg thank you for asking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i previously talked about my thesis that 80s action hero democratizes/deconstructs masculinity in this post, but when talking about arnold schwarzenegger, there's a few specific points i like to dig into >:)

arnold got famous in the body builder community first. he had already won mr olympia seven times before his big break in the documentary pumping iron (1977). while he first appeared in hercules in new york (1970), his voice was totally dubbed and he was credited as “arnold strong.” they needed him for his body, but his identity was obscured because he was seen as too foreign. his first successful acting role (and the only one he won an award for) was as a body builder in stay hungry (1976). 

throughout his work in the 80s (conan, terminator, commando, predator), his body is constantly on display. multiple shots of his muscles/arms/body are often shown before his face. his heroism, and identity as a star, are inherently tied to his body, which he famously built with his own hands. terminator doubles down on this idea by 1) introducing him totally in the nude and 2) having him play a literal construction aka robot.

to get back on track: all this means that, in theory, anyone could build themselves into a hero, a myth, a leading man. these films argue that your own mythic gender can be self-made.

older images of heroism/masculinity (presented by john wayne, jimmy stewart, james cagney etc etc) always seemed to be something special that the man was born with. maybe he learned his way on the streets, or was taught how to shoot, but his heroism came from within. 80s arnold says: fuck that. make your own body and your own myth and your own masculinity. 

also, the majority of arnold's movies at this point dont have much in the way of love interests. there's no heteronormative romance arc to re-establish that he's a man BECUASE he fucks women. all the focus is placed on his gender expression. (commando specifically is one of those action movies (like top gun) that is super homoerotic lmao)

((predator also get a special shout-out because its the movie where arnold plays a final boy :) other people have written much more extensively about the queerness of final boys, so ill just say that predator is about a guy who is broken down to the point of being almost an animal. there is nothing left but what he can make with his hands. his body is his only tool and he is in complete control of it. he even literally dictates who gets to see it once he realizes that the predator’s sight is informed by heat signatures/body heat))

by the 90s, when people got tired of "toxic” action heroes, there was this switch to less overtly "hard" men, with less muscle and more romantic/familial desires. this is the era of kindergarten cop, twins, jingle all the way, batman & robin, last action hero, AND JUNIOR.

for anyone who doesnt know, junior (1994), is about a couple of fertility scientists (arnold and danny devito) who decided to secretly go ahead with human testing when the fda says they cant. long story short, its a movie about arnold having a baby. while certainly of its era and by no means perfect, junior is one of the only examples of a mainstream hollywood movie positively depicting male pregnancy. a bit like sleepaway camp, the story treats the characters with such sympathy that the transphobic idea (a comedy about how "crazy" it would be for a man to have a baby) loops back around to being actually really cathartic and comforting.

terminator 2: judgement day (1991), is another touch-stone of arnold transgenderism for me because it completely swaps the roles of the final girl (sarah connor as played by linda hamilton <3) and the hard-bodied action man (arnold). we see sarah’s sweaty, muscular body before her face, just like we did so many times before with arnold. the terminator becomes a father figure, playing with john connor and learning how to experience human emotions, while sarah is reloading machine guns and looking badass and trying to murder people for the sake of “the greater good.” its a complete reversal of the archetypes, which is fun already, but it also proves that the argument made in the 80s (anyone can become Action Man) is true. sarah worked hard and now she is the action hero instead of arnold. the gender of her role in the movie has totally changed. 

i could go on, but that’s the gist of it!  arnold’s post-governor films haven’t read as transgender as he early work (for me anyway), but it has been a while since i really properly studied his work so i might have more to say about them someday.

and literally anytime anyone anywhere wants to talk about this stuff, or to see me shoot my transgender beam at a specific action movie, dont hesitate to reach out!!!!! i mean it!!! 

[malakhai-ozera]

 Discord Text Thread || Khoman  ♥  

Discord thread featuring: Khai and Roman @romanbeckett

When:  December 24th (day & night)

Mentions: Landon Davies @davieslandon

Description: Roman texts Khai to forgive him after his voicemail. They start texting again later in the day and Khai is beyond fucked up and Roman once again expresses his concerns for him.

Trigger Warnings: HARD drug use, drug mentions, light sexting and dirty talk.(sorry this one is kinda looooong)

Roman. babe. You’re forgiven. Shit happens. I just worry...which is one of my issues. I worry constantly about everything. Always afraid something will happen to you.

Khai. I know, and I’ve been real careless. I didn’t mean to be a shit I was just... being stupid and fucked up I hope you know I really don’t have a problem with you staying with Landon. Idek what my deal was

Roman. are you sure it doesn’t bother you?

Khai. I’m sure baby. I just want you two to have fun

Roman. I’ll still see you there tomorrow right?

Khai. of course you will. Fancy pjs and all lol

Roman. oh my god I can’t wait lol

Khai. me either. It’s gonna be an amazing day for sure

Roman. I’ll be off work soon and I’ll bring us dinner

Khai. I look forward to it! I’m starving plus I really wanna kiss you

Roman. I reallllly wanna kiss you too. Maybe we can sneak in a quickie

Khai. maybe huh?

Roman. okay definitely, because I want lol

Khai.

hahaha well I’m always down baby. You know I can’t keep my hands off of you.

- Later that same day -

Roman. I miss you already

Khai. Miss you too

Roman. dinner and messing around was fun though. Best Christmas gift ever.

Khai. it was fun indeed! I couldn’t agree more

Roman. are you okay?

Khai. yeah I’m okay why?

Roman. idk just checking. I feel guilty now that I’m not there

Khai. don’t feel guilty. I have my drugs and hot chocolate to keep me warm haha

Roman. ooo what drugs lolll

Khai. Just the usual. I also have my tequila so I’m set lol

Roman. damn. I do wish I was there

Khai. I always wish you were here. But it’s okay. We will make out all day tomorrow

Roman. yesss. Can we cook a late night breakfast for dinner together and watch Christmas movies

Khai. absolutely! We can do whatever you want baby

Roman. I'm having wiiiine

Khai. mmm what kind?

Roman. it's a good ass Pinot

Khai. oooo im jelly I’m half way through my tequila advent calendar haha I got behind

Roman. Lmao omg babe!!! How much have you has?? lol

Khai. like 6 so farv ? Lol

Roman. FARV 😂

Khai. oops haha

Roman. I am laughing. I love you lol if I was there, I’d be in your lap right now.

Khai. I love you mooooore yeah you would

Roman. thighs on either side of you, straddling you with my forehead against yours, running my fingers through your hair...

Khai. damn baby... don’t make me come there and crash your party

Roman. SHSUSJEJEJEJENEJDJJE why is my boyfriend so HOT

Khai. because you were a good boy this year? haha

Roman. well we both know THAT isn’t true lol

Khai. hahahaha well then idk. But my boyfriend is pretty fucking sexy too though and lord knows I’ve been baaaaad

Roman. we got lucky  now if we could just keep our damn apartment

Khai. I know... that would be nice wouldn’t it? can’t have it all though I guess lol

Roman. I still haven’t found a place and I’m stressed

Khai. yeah, idk where I’m going either. Maybe we can go look together after Christmas

Roman. yeah, let’s do that. Bleh. Anyway, don’t wanna bring down the mood!! How ya feelin?

Khai. I’m feeling goodz how you feeling?

Roman. goodz too  I feel all warm and buzzy

Khai. hahaha dammit I’m glad baby. I want you to have fun just not to mush fun haha

Roman. I won’t have too much fun. Not without youuuu

Khai. good. Cause J like the sound o g that

Roman. babe you’re wasted aren’t you

Khai. yes I am ll I misssh you

Roman. omg mish. That’s so cute omg. I wanna hear you say it

Khai. nooo hahaha

Roman. mish mish mishhhh

Khai. you’re so mean lol but I love youuu

Roman. noooo I just think it’s adorable lol I love your typos. They make my life better.

Khai. Mhm you mage my life begetter. I should prolly stip drinking now hahaha

Roman. You probably should babe

Khai. that tot out of hand fasty lol oops

Roman. fasty omg you’re SO cute

Khai. lmao wow I gives up

Roman. I’m just imagining you saying all of this outloud, and it’s like making my night

Khai. hahaha I’m glad. I’m imagning you laughing and it’s making my nifht too

Roman. my squawking laugh  god

Khai. nooooo it’s the bstes laugh wver and beast smile too

Roman. I would argue that YOU have the best smile my love.

Khai. Nope nope

Roman. UM *picture of Khai’s smile*

Khai. I look liek a weirro

Roman. WHAT you’re crazy lol

Khai. I’m crazy anout youuuuuu I wanna snugs you

Roman. me too. I love snuggling with you every night and it’s so weird when we don’t like !!! I’m so used to going to bed with you.

Khai. it is weird. Indint like it but Im gonna sleept in y it bed

Roman. sleep in my bed any time you want love. You’ll like the new book I have

Khai. ooooo I wish you erre here

Roman. I know. I do too. I miss those eyes. I also miss your scruff. That sounds so dumb, but I love the way it feelssss

Khai. I love yyou I’m gonna scrufff you up when I se you

Roman. scruff up the inside of my thighs PLEASE AND THANKS

Khai. you know j will

Roman. god I love when you give me beard burn

Khai. I thinks that the hottest thing yku ever said to me I want you sinebws

Roman. what can I say? I just love your head between my legs

Khai. I love it too baby. I luv makings you deel good

Roman. ugh I’m starting to get buzzed now lol

Khai. hahaha dinally this whol room is so pinky spiking lol yup nvm haha

Roman. it’s so what?? Hahaha spinning? Lol

Khai. yessum Jm good

Roman. bleh I worry about you.

Khai. I’m oka I promisee I hust miss you

Roman. I miss you too. So much baby. Keep talking to me so I don’t have to miss you even more.

Khai. what ya wanna talks about? Tell me ykyr favorite chrismas present

Roman. you won’t believe me if I tell you lol

Khai. yesss I whll

Roman. everything you got me. You know me so well. I’m obsessed with all of it. Ugh. The jacket, the shoes?! The freaking clock. You really did so good.

Khai. really? I’m so hapy you love it. I just wanted you to gave the best. You lok so good in those shows too

Roman. you know exactly what I like and feel good in.

Khai. cause I lover you

Roman. I love you too. How are you feeling?

Khai. sleepyyy but good gaga

Roman. baby I’m worried about you.

Khai. why? I’m fdine im jus laying in bed

Roman. i don’t like that you’re doing heroin

Khai. romsn it’s ojay

Roman. but you’re not even making sense

Khai. I ehould jus got to bed

Roman. maybe but bleh idk I’m worried and I should be there

Khai. no no, eont worry. I wsnt you to have fun.

Roman. I know but ugh. I love you.

Khai. I lowe you too idknt wanna hpset you

Roman. will you promise me you’ll try to stop?

Khai. fan we talked about tbis latr?

Roman. yeah of course

Khai. I jus imn so tucked up byt I wanba talk

Roman. I know

Khai. I love yky so mhch

Roman. I love you too.

Khai. I relly sm sorry. Ilm do better. Pleas have fhn tonight okay

Roman. I’m worried to death about you

Khai. I orimse Jm ok. I just nee to skep it off

Roman. okay

Khai. Smile is chrismaaaas

Roman. lol okay, I smiled

Khai. good boyyy

Roman. lol hate you!!

Khai. I knoooow but you lve me

Roman. I definitely love you

Khai. you’re my everything

Roman. Khaiiiii. You’re making me smile so much it fucking hurts lol

Khai. I mean itttt you’re all I ever need

Roman. god I think my heart is gonna explode lol you constantly wanna kill me

Khai. nooo baby. I just want you tk know how mych I love you and I am feelig better so thahs good well jot better but less high lol

Roman. lol!! Well. Bleh. Scared me there, not gonna lie.

Khai. I’m sorry baby I know I newd to stop it’s jus hard

Roman. i know.

Khai.

We can talk about this after the holiday tho. I don’t wanna ruin it for anyone

Roman. you’re not ruining anything for me. I promise.

Khai. I hope not cause I’d never forgive myself

Roman. babe. Don’t be silly. Everything’s okay *heart emoji*

Khai. you’re the best do you know that?

Roman. I’m not. But I’m glad you think so

Khai. I know so.

[feverhalo]

Blah just rambling about irl stuff

lmao oh my god i feel so useless today

I’ve been out of it tired like all day and just kinda hazed out (probably from running high on anxiety for like 4 days straight hovering just below anxiety attack status p much the whole time. Yay crowds and new places :| )

and just i am.... wow

im really glad i dealt with the school’s accessibility services already because im just *extended fart noise*

ive been half watching/half listening to stuff all day, making a record amount of silly typos and not catching them until way late, and coffee barely touched my caffeine needed headache and yeah now im just like. opening and closing the same tab 4 times because I keep forgetting to do the gotdamn thing I opened it for.

I’m glad i checked out the accessibility stuff tho, because I will get extra warning if we need to go off campus, have an ‘in’ for councilors and the like if i need to talk, I can choose to write in a test center if I find the class anxiety inducing/cant concentrate, I won’t have to do the whole “no wait seriously I need to have this juice box, stabby bits, and sugar with me I’m diabetic augh yes i am serious” song and dance X number of times (they drafted an email with me while I was there), and I’m on a list to have an assessment for stuff (to see if they can do anything else with my anxiety/depressive episodes/ocd????[ive known about this apparently being like a thing for me for like 2 months now and im still baffled] and see if all the jokes my friends and family made my whole life have any basis in reality [like do i rly have some sort of brain thing along the lines of memory issues or adhd])

and I’m gonna have the option for note-taking assistance/recording/access to slides in case I miss something if I step out/have to leave because of X, Y, or Z causing me distress/anxiety.

So thats.... actually making me pretty hopeful. Because I feel like a lot of my anger and resentment and shitty attitude and crappy attention/behaviors in high school was born from frustration and like fear?? And thats why I am such a goof because I was like. “I’m either a goof on purpose or an idiot and people will think I’m an idiot either way SO-!” [proceeds to doodle, daydream, write/read, play videogames, wander the class, talk too loud, crack jokes, or brood on my desk and just stare everywhere except where the teacher was teaching- unless i liked the class in which case i was all in unless I was having a bad day]

...........

yeah it making more and more sense why people make those jokes and ask if I’ve been tested as time goes on (and i continue to just. function like a shitty teenager even though I’m 26 now)