#it is my personal mission to make sure everyone knows when sage’s birthday is

[glitterus]

IT IS SAGE’S BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! @rocknrollinbitchforu HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!

[marblesphere]

Xiao x reader

!Angst Warning!

Slowly and gently, I can see how he tucks the loose lock of her hair to her ear. I can also see how she blushes at his gentle gesture. A small barely noticeable smile on his lips. I clench my fist tightly, I feel the Qingxin flower's stem crushed in my palm. I want to walk away from the irritating scene, but my feet are rooted on the ground. As if some force prevented me too.

It took all my willpower to tear my sight from them. "Xiao…" I whispered to the wind, hoping he would notice. But alas, the harsh reality proved otherwise.

10 years. It took me ten years to befriend the so-called vigilant yaksha. The only remaining yaksha. The yaksha which is said to be the coldest amongst all of the adepti in Liyue.

I met Xiao when I was 6 years old. I was lost in a forest near Liyue harbor. I remember Granny Ping said to call Adeptus Xiao if I ever had any trouble. So with a snotty nose, I wail out his name. A gust of gentle breeze blows before a tall big brother (at that time) in teal arrived. He frowns at me. I still remember my hand, which was full of snot and tears, grabbed his long sleeves and cried to it, effectively soiling the pristine cloth.

He almost flung me instinctively, but I know how hard I grabbed it and I am still a Liyue citizen. Xiao kneeled and with an awkward pat on my head, he lifted me up easily. Without a word, he jumps high. I can still vividly remember the breeze blowing my face. I stopped crying immediately and realized how high we were.

Tears were replaced with small giggles. From the position we were, I found my parents shouting my name. "Papa and mama." I leaned my body, wriggling out of his arms.

"Don't move." That was the first time I heard his voice. It's so beautiful that I shut up immediately. Xiao maneuvered and landed near to my worried parents.

"Mama, Papa!" I rushed to them right after Xiao put me down. My mother quickly hugs me tight, afraid if I were to disappear again.

"Where were you?! Do you know how worried we were?!" Papa scolded.

"But Papa, Adeptus Xiao took me home." I wriggled out from my mother's embrace and looked behind me, only to find empty space.

"Adeptus Xiao was with you?" Papa asked bewildered.

"Yep. Granny Ping told me to call for Adeptus Xiao if I had trouble. I did and he came. He jumped so high and I could see you." I excitedly told them my tale.

Not long after, I finally found out not many people can meet the elusive Adeptus. But I was determined to meet him again. To thank him and befriend him.

So, I ask the most knowledgeable person in this world, Granny Ping. Granny Ping told me that Qingxin is his flower. I want to pick one, but it only blooms in high peaks which is impossible for me. So, the next best thing is buying from a florist. Granny Ping also told me where to give the flower. Wangshu inn. Thus, I made it my mission to go there everyday to give him a Qingxin flower.

In Wangshu inn. As expected, I couldn't meet Xiao, instead I met the owner. Verr Goldet. After hearing my reasoning to visit the elusive Adeptus. She told me to put the flower on the balcony on the highest floor. I will stay there for hours without meeting him. And I do this everyday for almost a month.

Maybe Verr was taking pity on me. She told me to help her deliver a plate of Almond tofu to Xiao. And thus, our second meeting. I was so excited that I almost fell flat smashing the tofu to the floor if not for his fast reflex.

Xiao frowns when he sees me. "Adeptus Xiao, thank you." I smiled as I gave him the flower.

"Don't come close to me." He frowned.

"But, I want to." I shook my head. "Granny Ping told me you have protected us. I want to thank you." I pouted.

"...I am just doing my job according to the contract. I don't need any thanks." He said.

"Even so, I want to thank you." I said persistently.

I think that was the time he gave up explaining to a small naive kid. From that day on, I meet him everyday with a Qingxin flower and a plate of almond tofu. Of course, I still have to call him or else he won't show up even with almond tofu.

After a year, he softened up a bit. At least, I don't need to wait for him on the balcony. He will always be there by the time I reach the balcony with a flower and a plate of almond tofu. Another year and I can even manage to slip a Qingxin flower to his hair. And the second year of our meeting is truly the start of my happiness. Xiao gave me a small trinket made from sage technique to ward off evil. Every year following that on my birthday the small trinket will increase, a crystalfly, a leaf butterfly, you name it. And last year, he gave me an amulet. The amulet I have never taken it off since I wore it on my birthday.

In exchange I too, so persistently celebrate his birthday, since he won't tell me when is his birthday, I just mark the date we met is his birthday, not until a few years later he finally grumpily told me his real birthday.

I started learning martial arts and cooking courtesy from Xiao for the former and Smiley Yan for the latter.

10 years of hardwork, 9 years of nurturing feelings, all of them have gone to the drain. With just one appearance of this girl. No, she is not a traveller with a fairy. She is just someone from Qingce village. Xiao met her when he was patrolling around the area. Just in a month she undone all my hardwork. Now they are a step away from being lovers.

I made my way back home. For the first time in 10 years, I didn't go to Wangshu inn, no I didn't go to meet him. A fresh Qingxin I have picked and a plate of almond tofu are laid forgotten on the table. Fresh tears finally flowed down from my eyes. It hurts. It hurts so much looking at them. It hurts so much seeing him smile at them. The smile that I thought only I could see.

'It's not yours anymore.' A sickly sweet voice whispered

'He is finally happy. He finally rid himself of you. You are just a worthless girl. You don't deserve him.'

'The love of his life is not you. It will never be you.' The sickly sweet voice cackled gleefully.

That night I succumbed to the negative emotion of mine.

The next day, I resolved to investigate that girl. I have realized I am not good enough for him. That's why I want to make sure she is good enough for him.

'You just want to make yourself better if you find a flaw in her. What a liar.' The voice back in my mind echoed.

I shake myself, trying to get rid of those voices. First, I will obviously start from Liyue. I heard her parents are doing business in Liyue and she sometimes tags along. And today, she didn't come. Perfect. I have double checked in her parents' shop.

But every answer I get from them lowers my spirit. In the end, I can only summarize her in one word. Perfect. She is so perfect. All of the people I ask from will sing a praise to her. It's almost impossible for a perfect human like her to exist. But she is, and now she could even open the vigilant yaksha's heart in the span of a month.

To clear my head and the annoying voices in my head, I make my way to the secret place I have found a few years back. Inside the forest where I first met Xiao, there is a small patch of Qingxin flower field deep inside the forest. Qingxin flower, which is said to only bloom in the highest peak, somehow can grow in that patch and only that patch. The area around it is also safe from hillicurls or slime. Xiao said he never detected any malicious intent around the small field. Thus, that area became our secret spot.

Either Celestia likes to mess with me or I am just that unlucky, I met the perfect girl. She is surrounded by hillicurls. I frowned, I materialized my weapon and took a step.

'Why don't you just leave her alone. She is powerless. If the Hillicurls get her killed, then no one will be with your precious Xiao again. You can have him all by yourself.' The sickly sweet voice is tempting me with that.

I stop dead in my tracks. Indeed, If she is dead, then Xiao will have no one but me. It will be just the two of us again. I take a step back and turn myself.

'Good. This is what you should do.' The voice cooed.

"Kyaaa!!"

I grit my teeth and spring back to act. I rush to the group of hillicurls, which fortunately just 3 of them. I swipe their feet using my polearm. "Run!" I barked at her. She flinches at my harsh glare and voice, but finally starts running.

I quickly engaged with 3 hillicurls. I am not a pro, but Xiao taught me enough to defend myself. I panted after I finished the last hillicurls. I am just glad I didn't get any deep injury. "Kikiki!" A small fireball flew past me.

I cursed my luck. A pyro abyss mage is waving his staff and 3 small monster heads are firing flamethrowers at me. I barely dodge it. "Kikiki!" Then another cyro abyss mage comes out.

I gulp. This place might be my grave after all.

*3rd POV*

Yue Mei is just picking herbs by herself. She giggles at the thought of the famous vigilant yaksha literally swept by her feet in their first meeting. She fell in love at the first sight. She glanced at a charm on her neck. She is really grateful for this charm. She made a wish a year ago in an adepti abode. And that adeptus gave her this charm. She is told to wear this everyday, everywhere she goes. This charm will help her.

True to his word, after she had worn this charm. Everyone has become nicer. They gave her a lot of free stuff and some even started to court her. She was shy at first, the attention she got was really overwhelming. But, she already has an ideal man. A man who is strong and handsome. And her ideal man turned out to be Adeptus Xiao.

She blushes again remembering him. Their last meeting ends up with Adeptus Xiao tucked her hair back to her ear. This intimate gesture is really making her happy. Soon, she will confess to him soon. And they will become a couple.

But, her daydream is short lived. A group of hillicurls suddenly appear and surround her. Fear gripped her entire being. "A...ade...adept…" She is too afraid to even call the yaksha. One of the hillucurls raises its club high. "Don….'t… Kyaaaa!!!!" She let out a blood curdling scream as she closed her eyes.

But the pain didn't come. When she opened her eyes she saw the hillicurls on the ground and a girl wielding a polearm glared at her with such hostility. "Run!" She barked at her. Yue Mei flinches at her harsh tone. But her feet finally gained their freedom as she ran away to the direction of Wangshu inn.

Her feet are tired and trembling. She collapses on her knees. "Adeptus Xiao." She whimpered. A familiar breeze whirled, and Xiao came. Looking at the trembling form, Xiao frowns, "What happened?" He kneeled in front of her.

"Hi...Hillicurls…" She managed to stutter.

He hisses, knowing those monsters targeted someone under his protection. "Where are they?"

"There…" She pointed to a direction. "A girl...wielding...polearm...is...holding them...off…" She said shakily. The entire time she clutched her charm.

"A girl… wielding polearm…" His eyes widened. A girl wielding a polearm. The only one that comes to his mind is "[Your Name]..." He whispered. Somehow his mind becomes clear, as if the fog in his mind has been blown away. Xiao quickly summons his own spear.

"Don't!!!" Yue Mei quickly grabbed his hand. "Don't...leave...me alone." Tears streamed down her eyes, making her look so pitiful. This usually invokes some kind of protective instinct from the opposite gender. But, unfortunately for her. She is dealing with this the one and only Conqueror of Demons. Now the spell has been broken, he is not as nice as previous him except to a certain mortal.

"Release me!" He growled as he glared at her, more specifically at her charm.

She flinches at his harsh tone and glare. She stares at him wide eyed. He never used this kind of tone with her, not even on their first meeting. Her hands loosen up. And Xiao quickly disappears from her, leaving her all alone.

Xiao rushes to the direction that the girl pointed to. His mind is racing with what ifs. He finally arrived, but [Your Name] is not on sight. There are only 3 dead bodies of Hillicurls. He calms down a bit. She can handle herself just fine if it's only 3 Hillicurls. But, when he observed more carefully once again, his blood ran cold. Not far from him, a puddle of red blood is spotted, along with two dead abyss mages.

His heart thumped loudly, looking at the trail of blood moving to a certain direction. To the direction he is so familiar. His mind starts racing with a really unpleasant outcome.

"~~~♪ ~~~ ♪" The wind brought a familiar tune.

"...Xiao...where are you…?" He heard it. Her voice. But her voice is so weak, like she will disappear forever. Xiao has never rushed this fast. Right now in his mind, there's only she has to be alright.

*1st Pov*

"Hah...haah…" I panted as I stabbed my polearm to the ground, using it to stabilize my body. The puddle of blood on the ground beneath me is proof it's too late for me. 'If I were to die… At least let me choose the place.' With that in mind, I dragged my feet to our secret spot no, my grave. The small patch of Qingxin flowers.

I drop my body in the middle of the patch, hissing from the pain. But the smell of Qingxin is calming me down. It feels like Xiao is with me.

"~~~♪ ~~~ ♪" with my shaky voice, I started humming a tune. This song is passed down from generation to generation in our house. Apparently this song is some kind of a prayer back in the ancient times. My eyes are blurry now being soaked by blood. "...Xiao...where are you…?" I couldn't see anymore. I reach out my hand, hoping he will grab it. Then a miracle happened. I can see Xiao grabs my hand and pulls me up. I can feel the pain has started to dull and then disappeared, I feel so light, so free. I can see him clearly. Hand in hand the two of us wander to wherever we desire.

"Thank you for coming." I smiled.

[gripefroot]

As Easy as Spy

‘Inept’ is an interesting word, Agent 28 muses, eyes scanning quickly down the nearly printed page. One of many, and probably one of the less kind. The concisely typed reports of various instructors at SHIELD academy - combat, IT, social psychology, government policy, criminal justice, international studies I and II, language competency - don’t vary much. Easily distracted, too loud, and enthusiastic. Not exactly high praise in a spy school. Curiously, she turns the page - every class passed, but with such...annoyance, on the part of the instructors? 

And ‘ineptitude’ is probably why this off-kilter graduate has been plopped in her lap, and not that of a more experienced agent. Agent 16, at the top of his game, would not want to waste his time on this one. Nor Agent 7, on her final round of training newcomers before a graceful retirement.  

Nope. This is definitely a test.  

“Will this capstone take the full eighteen weeks?” 

28 glances up. This new girl, perched on a spinning chair next to her own cubicle in the Cattlepen. Clearly not a fully-fledged agent - she stands out too much. The bright, beaded necklace; the bubble-gum pink fingernails. A printed scarf with - what is it? - panda bear faces?  

It’s endearing.  

“Yes,” 28 says firmly, and snaps the file bearing a civilian name closed. For later perusal. “Fourteen weeks of intensive field training, and a final exam.” 

“That’s the mission, right?” 

“Right.”  

The woman takes a deep breath, nodding her head slowly. There is something off-kilter about her, 28 thinks - but instead of disdain, she just feels amused. Clearly this newcomer has something to offer, or she wouldn’t be here. 28 intends to find out what it is, and laces her fingers together with a grin. 

“We’ll go through a few days of tests to figure out where your skills lie - ” 

“Tests?” The woman squirms, brows creasing with worry. 

“Informal tests,” 28 clarifies. “Nothing to worry about. More like...taste tests. To discover if you like apples or oranges better.” 

“Oh!” The woman’s expression clears. A bright smile, now, and the sweet innocence is refreshing. “I can do taste tests. Hasn’t today been so stressful? I’ve been keeping these - ” Digging into the pocket of her hoodie with a focused frown, she pulls out a bright-red bag of Skittles, and jiggles it hopefully.  

28 blinks. And grins.  

“Assignment day is always stressful,” she reassures the woman. “But you really couldn’t have asked for a better outcome. You got me.” This with a wink - the true test, to discern this new personality. 

“Yes,” the woman says, and nods solemnly as she tears open the Skittles packet. “I really did. Do you know - Agent 4 that teaches combat, I had him for four semesters and he still doesn’t know my name?” 

“Forget about him,” 28 says briskly. “And he never learns names. Only numbers.” She peeks over at the file again, at the little manila lip which bears a bright red, scrawled number. “He’ll remember Agent 41, though. We’ll make sure of that.” 

A relieved smile, hungry chewing. Agent 41 proffers the packet, and 28 graciously accepts a handful.  

The next week involves a litany of activities, and a number of increasingly frustrated testing officers. Only about forty-minutes of hand-to-hand combat proves that 41’s strength does not lie in combat. A clumsy-footed liability isn’t a nice thing to say about anyone, really. Keeping her patience in check, 28 sweetly thanks the fuming Agent 15 for his time, and while leaving the gym with a downcast 41, suggests stealing the shoelaces from 15’s dress shoes in his gym bag.  

Communications go better - but only slightly. Having taken the bare minimum of language proficiency courses herself, 28 watches from the side in the fourth floor communication center as Agent 20, head of languages and translations, drills the squirming 41 in a number of tongues.  

Advised against travelling in non-native English speaking countries, is slapped permanently in her file, and 28 takes deep breaths.  

Slightly more hopeful for infiltration - an expert in that herself, 28 dares a testing system outside the Academy. A thrift shop, and a list of information to glean from the workers. Innocent stuff, when involving citizens - but an excellent way of discerning practical skills.  

Half-staring down old pots for a new plant she’s considering buying, and 28 catches sight of 41 plundering a bin of stuffed animals.  

Give her a chance, she says to herself, again. She’s here for a reason. She has skills. We’re just trying to find them. 

Back on the train - a meeting point, a rumbling back to the Academy, and 41 gushes over her finds. “A first-edition Beanie Baby lion! Roary, 28! He doesn’t have a tag - but he’ll at least complete my collection of early-editions!”  

New (to her) sunglasses, too, and a pair of sneakers in decent condition. Sky-blue, with glittery-silver stars.  

“Did you find out the cashier’s birthday?” 28 asks, half-amused.  

“Oh,” 41’s expression falls, and Roary the Lion slumps on her lap. “Um - ” 

“June 2nd.” 

“And - and, how many siblings they had, right?” Anxiously 41 gnaws on her bottom lip. “Um - I’m so sorry, Agent. I just got caught up - and then I was nervous because the guy in front of me in line was really tall, and - ” 

“It’s okay,” 28 interrupts, and offers a smile. “It was just to test out how you work in civilian situations. Wanna stop at Jamba before we head back?” 

41 brightens. “Oh! Can we?” 

“Of course, bub. It’s always good to get a treat after a mission.”  

Further testing is delayed - the next morning a mission assignment comes through, and 28 sets off for South Africa after sliding a note beneath 41’s dorm room door. An explanation, (though not too much; she’d get into trouble for that), and encouragement.  

“It’s always good to get a treat after a mission,” 28 says two days later, to a battered and exhausted Black Widow, in the dusty streets of Capetown. Natasha wrinkles her nose, where a streak of gunpowder lies black against her pale skin. 

“No seafood,” Nat says decisively.  

“No.” 28 tries not to gag. “No seafood.” Not after that mission.  

Technology and applied uses - 28’s other specialty. It takes about three minutes of watching 41 fumble with a false bomb to know this isn’t the right fit either, and despair is beginning to take root. That night, holed up in her apartment, 28 pours over reports from the Academy, searching… 

Passing marks in every subject - most scraping by, and with reluctance from the instructors. But how could that be? If 41 is as inept as they claim, how was she allowed to graduate? 

The last resort - the very last resort - would be to put 41 on the emergency response team. It’s where capable, but not exemplary agents, are sent. It seems a waste, 28 thinks with a wrinkled nose - a joyous, happy 41, put on a clean up crew?  

Now this is curious - frowning, propping herself up on a lonely pillow in the dim light of the lamp. A final field exam with a firmly typed 100%. The chart on the opposite page filled with 41’s performance statistics, and highlighted them on a chart compared to the rest of her graduating class of eight.  

She’d finished the field exam in the quickest time.  

Now that’s interesting.  

Given up on combat training (apart from bare minimum physical fitness), 28 decides it’s time. With a finger to her lips, and 41 bounded behind with thinly-veiled excitement, takes her to the third floor, where she punches a stolen code into a metal door, and leads her onto a high-bridge of metal rafters. Dark - as the gym lights hang further below - and private. 

Squeaks and shouts and thumps and even this high, an acrid memory of tangy sweat. Halfway down the catwalk, 28 sits with a grin, and 41’s mouth falls open in surprise as she slides down, half-frozen in awe.  

“Behold,” 28 says dramatically, waving a hand. “The gym.” 

A moment of silence before 41 can speak again. Eyes still riveted on the scenes below: sparring, running, lifting. “It’s so much better up here,” she sighs. “So much better.” 

“Because you’re not the one sweating?” 28 jokes.  

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s it.”  

More silence. Agents shifting around far below like little ants - ribbing and conversations too far away to hear, but that’s alright. Keeps the dramas far away. 28 crosses her arms on a pipe of railing, with only a trace of a sigh. 

“It’s a good place to think,” she says. “No one really comes here, except for repairs.” 

“How did you find out about it?” 41 turns her head to face 28 - brightly curious. Still awed.  

“I’m a secret agent,” 28 laughs - but not too loud. “It’s my job to know about stuff like this!” 

“Oh.” 41 nods, and a crease forms between her brows. “Right. Do you like jellybeans?” Reaches into her hoodie pocket - a bag rustles, and 28 bites back a laugh.  

“Oh - um, sure.” 

41’s head tilts. “Not a fan of sweets?” Pops about six in her mouth at once. 

“I prefer salty snacks. Popcorn. Hummus and veggies.” 

Shocked silence. Then, half-indignant and half-mesmerized: “That’s too healthy. You’re perfect.”  

28 gives a snort. Leans closer, as if to confide. 41 blinks, and 28 whispers, “I like spicy chips, but don’t tell anyone. I have a reputation to uphold.” 

“Ha! I knew it.” Invigorated, 41 reaches back into the bag for another handful of colorful beans. “No one’s that perfect. You’re pretty close, though.”  

“Basically,” 28 pretends to agree, but 41 just nods sagely. The joke dissipates, but that’s alright. Attention caught by some commotion on the ground, 28 points a finger to the sparring mats, and 41 chews slowly. “Look - do you see where everyone is standing? It looks like Agent 32 is about to be attacked by bad guys.”  

“He’s not - ” 

“Hypothetically,” 28 interrupts. “What would you do?” 

“What would I do?” 

“Yeah.”  

Jellybeans clink in the rustling of the bag. 41’s eyes flicker over the scene unfolding in the gym below, and happy to wait, 28 absently reaches over and picks out a few beans herself.  

It doesn’t take long. 

“I’d pull out the mats from beneath their feet,” 41 says, as if it’s obvious. “It would trip all of them.” 

Not bad. “Are you strong enough?” 28 asks. 

“Oh, um…” Another pause, but this one is shorter. “No - see, the little holes on the end of the mats?” 

Good eye, 28 thinks, and nods.  

“If you - well, if you take the drawstring out of your shorts, you can use that and secure the mats to, uh - a car?” 41 invents - a little wild, but 28 is marking down high marks for creativity. “Or there are ropes on the boxing gloves.” 

“Would you have enough time to get that done, bub?” 28 asks kindly. “The bad guys are only ten feet away.”  

“Smoke bombs.” 

“What - ” 

“Smoke bombs.” A cheery chirp, and impish smile - reaching back into the pocket of her hoodie, 41 pulls from the depths - a smoke bomb.  

“Oh,” 28 says. Bemusement and utter delight battle for foremost emotion. So she just grins. Reaches for more jellybeans.  

There’s plenty of time to waste in those rafters - after that, most mornings are spent in theoretical combat only. 41’s eye for detail and obscene observation skills are more than impressive; as are her never-ending stores of candy. It would be concerning, if she wasn’t somehow, miraculously - keeping up with her fitness. 

“No,” 28 shakes her head firmly one Saturday morning. “No Twizzlers. I’m leaving for Seattle tonight and I need to fuel my tank with good stuff.”  

“Seattle?” 41 asks brightly, swinging her legs. Bites off the tip of a handful of Twizzlers. “A mission.” 

“A mission,” 28 confirms with a smile. “It’ll be a good one. Fury is pairing me up with Clint Barton.”  

41 blinks, lips falling apart in slow shock. Eyes so bright with foppish awe, it’s hard not to laugh - but 28’s lips merely twitch, and she quirks a brow.  

“Got a crush?” she teases. 

“Oh - oh, 28, I - I do.” Mingled joy and disappointment - an odd combination, and 41 gnaws off more licorice. “I think he’s just the cutest of the Avengers. And he seems so personable and kind - I probably seem like a silly teenager, but I have a poster of him in my dorm.” 

“Then I’ll drop a little bird in his ear about the cute agent I’m training,” 28 winks. 

“Oh - oh, you don’t have to do that.” Happy misery. Still odd. Then 41 blinks, and a smile grows. “Who do you think is the cutest Avenger?” 

28 laugh, bright and merry as she shakes her head. “I dunno! I suppose Captain America is the posterboy for classic good-looks. He’s not my type, though.” 

“What’s your type?” A probing question, but 28 doesn’t mind. 

“Someone that will joke around with me,” she admits with a wry grin. “Hard to find that. I just...I just don’t want to be with someone who only tolerates humor, or doesn’t reciprocate.” A weary sigh, and she rests her chin on the railing, glancing down at the busy gym. “I’ve dated agents here, you know - but they’re not fun. All brawn and no brains. I’m not sure why I’m surprised each time, but somehow I am.”  

“Aww…” A sympathetic shoulder pat, and 28 glances with amusement over at 41’s encouraging smile. “You’ll find someone, 28. I know it. You’re one of the coolest people I know.”  

“Well, I am a secret agent.” 

“I know lots of secret agents now,” 41 retorts. “None of them wear kawaii cat socks beneath their combat boots though. That makes you the coolest.” 

A burst of laughter, and the morning slinks away in shared giggles.  

It’s less easy leaving on this mission - with only administrative work for 41 to do, while her trainer is away - a wrench of regret stays with her mounting the Quinjet later that day. A big mission: Director Fury is in the pilot’s seat, and with a bright smile 28 sits across from Clint Barton in the belly of the jet. Slings her bag onto the ground.  

“Evening,” she says cheerily.  

“Nice socks,” Clint nods his head towards her feet. 28 doesn’t glance down - she figured some of the hot-pink had been peeking out, anyway. A gift from 41: Single and Ready to Flamingle, graced with cartoon flamingos. 28 just grins.  

“My trainee gave them to me,” she explains. “She’s graduated from SHIELD academy just this spring. She’s really clever.” 28 pauses. “We’re friends - which just goes to show she has immaculate taste as well.” 

Clint groans, and leans his head back against the wall of the jet.  

Clint is not on her shortlist of people that joke around with her.  

The mission goes down well enough - 28 files back a reminder to herself to apologize to 41 for having to kiss Clint on the mouth as a distraction tactic (which had worked) - while brushing her teeth furiously at the hotel that night.  

At the airport, she buys a water bottle firmly printed with a smiling goldfish and the phrase, “Of-Fish-ally My Favorite”, and thoroughly enjoys 41’s squeal when she presents it to her.  

“Think of it as an apology,” 28 smiles, ensconced in the plush candy-colors of 41’s dorm at SHIELD academy - a bunk bed spilling lush blankets, cookie-shaped pillows, and a rug patterned with neon polka-dots. “I may have...been required to kiss your loverboy as part of our mission.” 

41 freezes, tipping over her old water bottle, full of a pink-liquid 28 doesn’t dare inquire about. Then she blinks, and laughs shrilly. 

“Oh, that’s alright,” 41 shrugs it off. “It’s not like he knows who I am anyway. And it was for your mission.”  

“You’ll have to teach him how to kiss better,” 28 jokes, and glances up without a flinch. On the ceiling - in true 41-style, massive posters of each of the Avengers decorate the empty space. She shudders at the Hawkeye poster.  

“I’m sure I won’t meet him.” 

“I hope you will,” 28 retorts. “He needs an influence like you in his life.” 

“Oh,” 41 says, and her cheeks flush cotton-candy pink. Which is apt. “Oh, don’t say that.”  

“Fine. Did you hear that Agent 2 is supposedly coming to give a seminar?”  

“I did!” 41’s voice turns hushed, leaning close. “Is it - is it true?” 

This gossip is an easier topic that 41’s crush - and 28 does love spilling the beans (jelly beans, in this case), and so the evening is lost in speculation of Agent 2’s purpose in visited SHIELD; his earlier missions and exploits which have given rise to quite the plethora of rumors, and discussing which ones are real and what’s been fabricated, while 41 brings out some nail polish colors.  

28 chooses black. 41 chooses robin’s egg blue.  

Black nails tap lightly against Nick Fury’s desk the next day, as 28 yawns from the late night - they’d put in a movie at ten ‘til midnight (not the wisest choice), and she’d been at work by seven - but she’d had to in order to see Fury at all, and she’d gotten lucky. He finished a whispered phone call by the window before turning ‘round to lift a brow at her, and 28 beams.  

“Good morning, Nick,” she chimes. “I have good news for you.” 

“You successfully disabled the underground weapons dealing in Yemen?” he asks dryly, and moves over to sit in his desk chair across from her.  

“No,” 28 deadpans. “Because I don’t exactly have the resources to do that, do I?” 

A twitch of a smile threatening - and Fury waves his hand for her to say her piece. 

“Agent 41,” she begins. “Should be in field operations.” 

“Why?” 

Because she’s not good at anything else, 28 thinks, but aloud she explains, “Because she thinks fast and cleverly on her feet, she’s unorthodox in her engagement methods. She won a bout against Agent 19 last week.” 

“I heard about that,” Fury muses, crossing his arms in front of his chest. “He’s still on medical leave for that rash.”  

“She’s effective,” 28 says.  

“She’s chaos incarnate.” 

“And that’s effective,” she argues. “That’s where 41 belongs, Nick. That’s my assessment as her trainer.” 

“Well, alright then,” Fury shrugs. “Type up the documents and we’ll have her transferred over. Congratulations on your first successful trainee, Agent.” 

A beaming smile, and 28 skips out of the office - almost running into a few agents who look at her odd, but she doesn’t much care - a wriggling wave of her fingers, and dashes for the stairs to head towards the Cattlepen offices to deliver the news.  

41 is asleep at her desk. 28 picks up her bedazzled cup of pens, and clanks it back down (not too loud) - and 41 jolts awake. 

“Extra foam!” she mumbles, and then rubs her eyes blearily as 28 grins down at her. “Oh - is it time to go home yet?” 

“I have good news,” 28 says brightly. “You got a department assignment. Next week you’ll be a full-fledged agent!”  

41 continues to rub her eyes. With a purse of her lips 28 glances ‘round - ah. There. A still-full unicorn shake melting steadily by 41’s computer monitor. 28 drags it over to 41, and wriggles the straw. A yawn, and almost automatically 41 takes a sip. A few more as 28 waits impatiently, and finally 41 yawns again, and scratches her head.  

“Department assignment,” 28 repeats. “You. Graduating.” 

“Oh!” 41 nearly jumps at this - then grins broadly, a silver star sprinkle fastened to her chin. “Really?” 

“Really really!”  

A squeal echoes through the Cattlepen - a few annoyed agents look over, but they don’t matter - 41’s clear delight in the clapping of her hands, and then she gasps loudly.  

“Oh, no!” she cries. “I almost forgot!” 

Hastily she tugs open the bottom drawer of her desk - rifles through several bags of candy (all emergency; she’d told 28 long ago) and an unopened bag of sequins and at least four Beanie Babies, to pull out a wrapped package with a black and white striped bow.  

“I couldn’t go all black,” 41 admits ruefully, giving the bow a pat before proffering it to 28 - which she takes with a quirked brow.  

“What’s this?” she asked in bemusement. 

“A friendship gift,” 41 says, as if it’s obvious. “And because you’ve been so nice to me and didn’t tell me to take a hike like Agents 9-14 did.”  

Sounds like Agents 9-14 need a little humbling, 28 thinks to herself, but she smiles as she undoes the bow. 

She wasn’t sure what to expect - never is, with 41 - but the black t-shirt with a cheerily grinning bomb with the phrase printed beneath, You’re the Bomb! isn’t it.  

It’s better. 

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Naruto Shippuden S18

“I put the entire burden on you Naruto” The Entire Burden is a nickname for Sasuke and I love it

Team 7 protecting each other while still making time to flirt is my aesthetic

In terms of actually using all three members in a cohesive unit Team 10 has by far the best teamwork in their year

Episodes since Tenzo has been missing: 117!!!! FREE HIM

Sakura doesn’t trust Sasuke and that’s good because she has no reason to do so

“I’m over it” said Kakashi for the first time in his life ever

Poor Minato he is being traumatized even in the afterlife 

“That was anticlimactic” amazing that even in times of war Sasuke still finds time to be a bitch

What is this out of continuity Frankenstein episode

I THOUGHT FOR A SECOND OROCHIMARU BUILT A FAKE SASUKE

Sasuke walks away from the village just like he walks away from his emotional issues

I can already tell this two episode arc is going to be very stupid but I love it because I miss Tenzo and Neji 

This doesn’t make any sense because Asuma died while Naruto was training to learn the Rasenshuriken so Ino, Choji and Shikamaru should living their most tragic lives atm

I liked it better when Orochimaru was making a fake Sasuke 

Naruto’s two dramatic dads coming to the rescue 

“Don’t worry, it’s okay. This is where Kakashi and I used to come to make out,” said the Gay Subtext 

I can’t believe they’re taking Akamaru but not Kiba kgjhkjdfhgdkfjhgkh KAKASHI HAS EIGHT DOGS OF HIS OWN

So Kiba is coming though this party seems a little large for this kind of mission lmao

I’m not sure what’s funnier that Kakashi is still reading Makeout Paradise or that he has finally stuffed his team members inside a box for their own protection

Me @ those horrified Hokage faces: ....Same

“Wait, who’s holding the front? No one’s theeeeere” KAKASHI PLS

If the Gaara handshake and Kakashi piggyback are the best two minutes of anime I’ve ever seen then this was definitely the worst two minutes the rainbow vomit and Neji’s fall from the sky I will never recover

Naruto’s heart eyes @ Gaara: SAME X2

I guess even Gaara is vulnerable to his Fifteen Year Old Boy Pride

“He was with me earlier but he ditched me” Orochimaru sounds like Sasuke’s bitter girlfriend

REVERSE SNAKE DIGESTION AND OROCHIMARU’S GIGGLE I HAVE NO WORDS

ITACHI PLEASE why would you be so highkey about protecting your brother literally his forehead said “Itachi” I’m livid and yet I’m also living 

Gaara the Hidden Leaf is burning to the ground what kinda priorities 

Filler Sakura is much more into Naruto than Canon Tragic Trashbag-Loving Sakura

I never thought I’d be eager to get back to tragedy and yet here we are

“That Sasuke... he’s bright” Sasuke gets the dad approval and Itachi gave Naruto the older brother approval so I’m not saying you’re supposed to get married but that’s exactly what I’m saying  

Well that’s gross Obito

“Time for my Raijin Flash Super Circle Dance Howl Stage 3″ WHO LETS MINATO NAME THINGS

QUIT TRYING TO SEVER THE PAST SASUKE ALL TEAM 7 WANTS TO DO IS LOVE YOU

“He’s just like a snake” Well this is a perfect time for Sasuke Uchiha, Snake Expert

Yikes @ Minato watching Obito being swallowed by his flesh prison

For about ten seconds I was rooting for Obito to live for Minato and Kakashi’s sake but surprise surprise he continues to be the wooooOooOrst

Every time Sasuke wraps Naruto protectively in his Susano my heart swells three sizes 

“Here, you can have this back” bless you Tobirama

Temari is so supportive she is Team Shikamaru all the way

“Smiling? Both of them?” Sakura is shocked to hear Sasuke remembers how to smile

Tobirama is increasingly embarrassed by the Namikaze clan nerds

Minato is taking the blame onto himself for all that became of his comrades just as Kakashi does, like sensei like student

KURAMA GIVING MINATO INSPIRATIONAL SPEECHES FROM WITHIN IS MY AESTHETIC

Tomorrow is Naruto’s birthday and also his parents’ deathday what a yikes life

Minato has saved everyone in the world even after his own death my Namikaze boys I love them so much

“What kind of child-rearing led to this?” Kakashi and Iruka’s lmao

This outro is literally Naruto and Sasuke running to each other on a beach at sunset bless this homoerotic animation studio

“I know you’re not an idiot” do u know that Tobirama 

The real question is who is worse at dealing with emotional intimacy Sasuke or Kurama

Are you honestly still bitter about Naruto’s success Sasuke come on dude learn to adjust

381 Episodes into the series and the Sage of Six Paths gets a name 

At this point there are going to be like 100 Shinobi left in the whole world

Shikamaru doesn’t deserve this 

Can I just say I’m glad Kakashi is in the intro? Because it gives me hope that he will not be Tenzo’d in this arc

“He seems to be in a foul mood” when is Sasuke not in a foul mood

IS EVERYONE ON THE BATTLEFIELD GOING TO EXPERIENCE NARUTO’S LOVE FOR SASUKE I’M SCREAMING

This is a pretty shitty way for Hiruzen to find out his son died

Everyone is pissed off and inspired by all the pain that Naruto has been through

Current list of Sasuke’s titles: Bitch, snake expert and Smart Boi

Fhfkgjhsjghsdkjgh Hashirama is the most beautiful person dead or alive:

Tobirama: We’ll assign the Tailed Beasts based on power balance but you’re required to pay

Hashirama: [whispers loudly] They’re not free?

Tobirama: Shut it!

“A Shinobi’s Dream” is 10/10, inspirational and beautiful episode I love it

“There’s no one more qualified than me to be Naruto’s advisor” I mean that was very poetic Shikamaru but Kakashi is at least equally adept if not more so

KAKASHI JUST SUTURED HIS OWN STAB WOUND THIS MAN IS TRULY MY DREAM

Hiruzen bossing Orochimaru around makes me happy in a weird way

My girl Sakura protecting the whole Shinobi world with her sensei 

KAKASHI COME SAVE YOUR CHILDREN THIS IS YOUR BAT SIGNAL

Sasuke keeps encouraging Naruto to keep fighting and coming back to his side it’s adorable

Kakashi’s babies are back together and he’s getting the live feed god bless

Obito’s dream of just being a ninja in the Leaf was very depressing

This must be Kakashi and Minato’s dream I’ve never seen so much teamwork at once

Kakashi and Obito with Team 7 vkcjbhkjvhbjk oh my goodness my feelings

Tiny heartthrob Kakashi is adorable and I love him

So the reason Kakashi got placed on Team Minato is because he couldn’t play well with others oh my rude little boy

Obito’s struggles being late to everything are #relatable

This is so funny though because when Kakashi’s babies went to the Chunin exam he literally brought Sasuke in like hours late

“A guy’s gotta have a scar or two get some cred” but how many scars must Kakashi’s heart endure Obito

Lmao @ Tsunade calling “hold” for Team Minato to deal with their Emotional Issues

In all fairness to Kakashi, Minato, he did his fair share of lecturing before you arrived

What is it with these boys and sitting atop each other for minutes at a time while reliving their memories together

“I’ve thought that this world is hell too” Minato gets to hear about the burden Kakashi has been carrying for twenty years

“So that’s where Madara is” you’d think the giant wooden dragon would also be a give-away

I’m very concerned about Gaara but I’m proud of him for making peace with Shukaku

I don't know if Hinata's voice actor changed or if she forgot how to do young Hinata or if I forgot how she sounds but something seems odd

My boy Neji!!! I miss him so much

Why are the Hyuga like this I need reformation #JusticeForNeji

Hanabi discovers that her sister is a peeping tom at the age of 5

The fact that sunset on the beach ending is accompanied by the lyrics “I shouldn't love you, no, no, no” as Naruto and Sasuke meet this is truly the Gay Agenda

So many Naruto episodes are just retelling Part 1 events through different perspectives lmao 

Hanabi WHY ARE YOU HAVING A FLASHBACK ABOUT SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TEN SECONDS AGO

I have so many feelings about Neji and Hinata like he is her Excessively Pretentious Older Brother why is his life so sad!!!! Revive him and let him uncle her babies 

“I want to choose my own path without being influenced by anyone else” all of your memories are about how Hinata was being influenced by Naruto Hanabi but I understand your sentiment 

I know this is supposed to be a recounting of a very serious moment but I can't stop laughing about Kakashi's five hour straddle of Obito like sensei like student

“You just lie there, okay?” Kakashi is so gentle with the friend he was just trying to murder  

“What's that?” Hashirama should really be more fazed about being a face titty on his bff

Black Zetsu is such a dick Kakashi and Minato don't deserve this 

Madara: Family reunion?

Sasuke: How about I kill you instead

Madara: Why does everyone I invite keep saying this 

Real talk how does Madara even know what Sasuke's eyes look like if he HAS NO EYES CURRENTLY

This episode is called "The Hidden Heart" and I hope it's a joke about Madara's heart being hidden under his Hashirama face titty

In a way the Tailed Beasts are all like bickering siblings

Nothing livens up a party like auto-cannibalism

Kakashi, three seconds after declaring possible victory: I failed

Gaara and Shukaku's friendship means the world to me we've come so far my tiny murder child

FLY SAND BOY FLY LIKE THE WIND

Hashirama, after witnessing Madara kill literally thousands of people: Madara is fundamentally kind

Tobirama is already pinned down Madara now you're just being mean

“To be honest, I've been wanting to do this to you for a very long time now” Kinkshame Madara Uchiha

Tenzo's jutsu is strong enough to hold off the five Kage and I'm very emo about it

“He's using wood style... who is he?” I WONDER WHO IT COULD BE OF THE THE TWO WOOD STYLE USERS TO EVER EXIST IN THE UNIVERSE ONE OF WHOM IS DEAD

“I asked you what does it feel like to poo” Swirly still asking the tough questions over 17 years later

God bless Sakura shouting words of encouragement as she heals Naruto

Naruto and Sasuke vowed to die together and they are so hardcore committed both of their hearts stopped at the same time