#it looks like the quality of a middle schooler's sketchbook where it's a drawing they're proud of but in comparison to anything else | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thedevotionaltour · 3 months

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anyone else ever remember how they are gonna end up in some dead end soul sucking job instead of the actual career they wanna pursue because they are far too unskilled for it. just me. awesome.

#sometimes i get a twinge of hope bc my classmates will say nice things and then i remember the reality that exists and is real.#where i just suck. i lack so much technical skill. i feel like i have to reteach myself how to draw constantly. my style is not distinct.#it looks like the quality of a middle schooler's sketchbook where it's a drawing they're proud of but in comparison to anything else #it is just garbage. utter garbage.#i have been in such a horrific slump of feeling about what i make. and i tell my therapist about it. and he never ever actually reassures m #doesnt tell me to maybe ask if im being unfair in my standards. or says i should have some more compassion towards myself.#or finds it an issue in regards to my generally low self esteem. im so fucking tired of being told well. you can always go back to school #to pursue something else after wasting all your fucking time on this stupid fucking degree that will get you nowhere!#i feel hopeless! so utterly fucking hopeless! it doesnt matter when my peers with more skill than me say they like my work bc im positive #they are just being nice. i cant imagine you look at your work and then mine and still find it good and having worth. i cant.#i cant make anything good. im so tired of not being able to make anything good. im tired of not being able to have the motivation to do wor #in my own time to help improve my work because im too fucking tired because im too fucking depressed to do anything. im a failure.#im literally watching myself become a failure in real time and i cant stand it some days. genuinely what a waste.#i dont know what gave me the right to think i could possibly succeed at this. i feel like an idiot for wasting so much time and money.#im not saying this to seek pity or comfort either. im just talking about how i feel. because it just sucks. it just sucks #it sucks to know you will never make it. because even on the days you think maybe you can. it just comes crashing down again to remembering #oh. i wont. because i have none of what it takes for it at all.#man. what even ever at this point. who cares. i'll get over it. it just sucks.#vent.txt

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