#it was between that and Hisaru and Saru has enough problems at that point in canon

[ridiasfangirlings]

(TW: Suicide) (I can understand if you don't want to take an ask like this). I don't know why but I can see Hidaka attempting suicide after Kusuhara's death. It's been several months since the incident but everyone can tell something is not the same with Hidaka. He's giving away his stuff under the guise of 'making room for new things' and then someone finds his body. (You can choose who finds him & if he lives or dies).

Hidaka seems like someone who feels very strongly about things and Icould see him taking Kusuhara’s death badly, especially if he feelslike he should have been able to ‘stop’ Kusuhara or do more somehowand it eats at him to the point he feels he doesn’t deserve to stillbe alive and in Scepter 4 while Kusuhara’s dead. He feels as if he’sfailed Kusuhara in a way, like Hidaka always wants to protect thoseclose to him and he thinks that losing Kusuhara is too much, the onetime his strength was really needed he couldn’t do anything and inthat case is his life really worth anything anyway. Maybe it slowlycreeps up on him, like he’s fallen into a depressive funk but he’sgood at hiding it and carrying on as normal, everyone assumes thathe’s still the usual cheerful Hidaka and if he seems down, well, hisbest friend did just die so it’s to be understood. Hidaka meanwhilestarts subtly preparing for it, like he starts moving his things outof the room and when Gotou asks him why Hidaka claims that he justwants to make more room for new things in the dorm and anyway he wasthinking of taking some time off from the force for himself. Gotou’sconcerned and gives him a good luck charm, Hidaka laughs and doesn’teven seem concerned by how weird the little charm looks, he’s justlike you know those don’t really work right Gotti.

Maybe Akiyama starts to notice more than anyone that there’ssomething wrong with Hidaka, he and Benzai have both dealt withlosing important comrades while they were in the Defense Force andthey both notice that Hidaka seems to be taking Kusuhara’s death hardin a way that no one else has. The two of them decide to try to dowhat they can to help him, like Akiyama keeps trying to talk to himabout it and Hidaka just smiles and says that he’s fine, he’s copingand Akiyama doesn’t need to worry himself. Akiyama feels this worryin the pit of his stomach that he can’t get rid of though, tellingBenzai that there was something flat in Hidaka’s eyes that made himfeel as if the usually open Hidaka was hiding something. Benzaiencourages him to go talk to Hidaka again and maybe they go togetherto go find him and that’s when they end up finding Hidaka’sunconscious body in the bathroom, like he overdosed on pills orsomething and left a note that just says 'good bye, I’m sorry.’Akiyama and Benzai immediately take action, Akiyama staying withHidaka while Benzai goes to get help. Luckily they found him veryquickly and he’s able to be saved, Hidaka wakes up very groggy andconfused to find a visibly upset Akiyama next to his bed asking whathe was thinking while Benzai tries to calm Akiyama down because atleast Hidaka’s alive. After that Hidaka’s off duty for quite sometime as he gets treatment and therapy to help with his depression andhis lingering survivor’s guilt, helping him understand that his lifeis important too and that Kusuhara would never want Hidaka to doanything bad to himself, he would want Hidaka to keep living andbeing happy.