#it was so insidious and slow and im pretty sure unconscious on their part which might be even worse than purposeful action
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Is it the lack of ssris talking or is this place so dampening that I can't even get myself to do day trips to other cities in Ireland?
#late night ramblings#maybe a bit of both#its been awhile since its been this type of depression#its markedly different that the depression of 2020 or even just before it in late 2019#this is much more similar to the old depression before the anxiety started cloaking it#its been almost half my life that I forgot the feeling#at this point im almost counting down the days until mom comes out and helps me pack and leave#imagine me saying that#ridiculous in so many ways#but all ive felt for the past year now that its november is me losing the self that i so painstakingly created and loved before i came here#its mildly horrifying how all the people i met here (minus maybe 3 or 4) have slowly influenced me to gradually lose the self i created#it was so insidious and slow and im pretty sure unconscious on their part which might be even worse than purposeful action#even the fucking therapist i saw here just ripped down my truths with poisonous falsehoods (that sounds so dramatic when i word it that way#i just want to feel like myself again now that i know what it feels like
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