#it wasn't intrusive and she was like 10 so i think she was being abused too and just didn't know what those things meant

[daedrabela]

sometimes i'll just be chilling with my bf and i start talking about something weird that happened to me as a kid/when i was younger and it turns out that was a whole ass trauma and then we sit there looking at each other like 😮

[daughterofanarcissistwoman]

How do most narcissistic mothers treat their daughters?

The relationship between the narcissistic mother and her daughter is based on manipulation and control.

Under manipulation, the narcissistic mother is constantly making her daughter feel guilty about something. Whether it's how much she's doing for the child or how much she's sacrificed.

Also, the manipulation comes in the form of pretending to care deeply about her daughter, buying her things that she usually doesn't even need at the time only to appear completely invested in her.

Once the mother gives to the daughter, it seems to the outside world that she's doing this from a genuinely caring place, then, later on, she can implement the guilt trips.

The guilt trips are meant to control the daughter's emotion and behavior towards the mother.

The control shows up in two forms: as withholding and the silent treatment. The manipulation takes place first to get the child emotionally invested in the mother and then when the child does not do exactly what the mother wants to do at the exact time she expects it to be done, the withholding of love and the silent treatment takes place.

During the silent treatment, narcissistic mothers don't talk to the child. They may go weeks and months without speaking to the child. If the daughter asks for something as simple as lunch money, the narcissistic mother may send a text telling the daughter that she’s so ungrateful, or she just withholds. That’s severe abusive behavior.

The narcissistic mother also sabotages her daughters in many ways:

1. Gossip

The narcissistic mother thrives on gossip. It is almost their energizing battery. That's what gets them going and moving and the narcissistic mother will behave one way in front of her child, and then behind the child's back complain and gossip to anyone who cares to listen about their own daughter.

She says “can you believe what she's done to me after all I've given to her!?” and “could you believe that she didn't do this!?”.

It is very painful for the daughter because she has to hear from other people that her mom is really upset with her while the mother doesn't say this to her face. The mother constantly gossips behind the daughter's back and sabotages her.

2. Undermining

The narcissistic mother undermines her daughter's intimate relationships. She undermines her daughter's growth and career. She undermines her daughter's general overall happiness and growth.

They'll give advice that the daughter never asked for, especially in intimate relationships: “Oh my gosh, you don’t want to marry now, you should be having kids now!” or “what about that guy you were dating?” and they're very intrusive.

The narcissistic mother sees daughter’s relationship as an extension of her own...

3. Projection.

The narcissistic mother is no different, narcissists operate always in the same way. If you want to know how narcissists feel about themselves listen to what they project on to you. The narcissistic mother would call the daughter a whore or think that the daughter was surely promiscuous and things of that nature when the daughter wasn't even thinking about this kind of stuff. The daughter might not even think about this, so in this way, the narcissistic mothers sabotage their daughters.

4. Playing the victim.

Narcissistic mothers are good with this. They play the victim, and everyone will think they are martyr in the end. They say “my daughter, she doesn’t even come to visit me, after all that I've done for her” or “they won't even stop by and have dinner and check up on me and I can't believe that they're like that” to anyone who will listen they are the victim.

They have been the gold star mother. They have been the eight-plus mother to their children, but the children are so ungrateful, the children are so mean and disrespectful that they will have nothing to do with the mother and so the narcissistic mother looks as if she's the martyr and she's always playing the victim. This is supposed to invoke guilt in her children, especially her daughter and it's supposed to be again another form of manipulation.

5. Triangulation.

They love to triangulate their daughters with other people, to break down their self-esteem so that the daughter becomes dependent on the mother and her approval to the point that the daughter will get to a place where she doesn't even make a decision until she speaks with the narcissistic mother.

So then, the daughter is also on the hamster's wheel, always looking for the approval, love, and affection from the mother that they have never gotten.

6. Competition.

It starts at a very young age and then once the girl begins to grow and develop, the mother sees herself in that daughter and the realization hits her that she is no longer youthful or she is no longer beautiful and she's watching her daughter blossom before her eyes and it's a constant reminder that her youth has slipped away and so she goes into competition with her daughter.

Being in competition ties directly into the sabotaging of the daughter because the narcissistic mother does not want the daughter to be anything better than she was. The narcissistic mother does not want the daughter to achieve anything that she hasn't achieved.

The mother is envious and jealous of her own daughter and this is very painful for the daughter. It impacts the daughter in a way that is very hurtful. If the daughter does not become completely co-dependent on the mother, she will have self-esteem and trust issues. How can I trust anyone if I can't even trust my mother?

https://www.quora.com/How-do-most-narcissistic-mothers-treat-their-daughters/answer/Margherita-Veronese-1?ch=10&share=5627e419&srid=C7yPi