#it will actually be a mfing bug on my arm

[loser-lenny]

i have the type of anxiety that makes me hear and feel things that aren’t actually there and it makes it impossible to sleep because the feeling of something being there when it’s not is maddening but i also have the type of anxiety that makes me afraid of saying excuse me to ppl in the store

[whysojiminimnida]

Hi, Baby ARMY! Welcome! First Time With BTS?

Maybe you're a new ARMY and maybe you're not sure what the hell an ARMY is or why BTS has one. That's a total lie, we all know why BTS has an entire ARMY. And yes it is all caps. I MEAN LOOK AT THEM OKAY

"Funny", you may be thinking to yourself, "I only wanted to learn their names." TOO LATE YOU ARE ONE OF US NOW. Top L to R: Jung Hoseok (J-Hope, Hobi); Jeon Jungkook (Jung Kook), Min Yoongi (SUGA, Agust D, NOT MY CAT) Bottom L to R: Kim Taehyung (V), Park Jimin (JIMIN or Park MFing Jimin or Sir), Kim Seokjin (Jin), Kim Namjoon (RM) Welcome, Adorable Representative MC for Youth member. (Leave them alone, English is not their first or even second language.) KAYSO HERE IS STUFF YOU NEED TO BE ARMY: Nothin'. Maybe an internet connection or a phone. A streaming service (free) is good if you don't need to be buying CDs. That is IT. BTS is actually quite supportive of ARMY and provides us with tons of free stuff!

If you are ARMY and you are reading MY blog you are already down the rabbit hole because I ain't shit. But in case this hellsite doesn't get enough done for you, here are a few places to go:

First, Weverse and its damnable Weverse Shop. Two apps, both free UNTIL YOU GET BIT BY THE MERCH BUG or desperately need to see In The Soop 1 and 2 or all the Bon Voyages or concerts - because many of those things are available for purchase through Weverse. It's the official retail arm of this Bangtan Sonyeondan Shit and It. Is. Fun. Hit that media tab and enjoy the free RUN: BTS and posts and then if you wanna buy, you can do that. (Unless you're in the UK and a select few other places, because Weverse Global does not ship globally. WEIRD.) You'll need a free account, use the same one for both apps by getting Weverse first and then loading the Weverse Shop and using your Weverse ID to log in. Here's a whole ass tutorial on how to load and use Weverse and the Shop from Youtube.

Weverse has a basic post-and-comment style format but it is also the avenue BigHit uses for official announcements and the guys sometimes show up and post pics, comment or make their own posts. If you get a notification that says "Special for Your Username" it's.... NOT. Sorry kids. We all see our own user name in there. And the first time we saw it we all went "ME?!" Then we have VLive. VLive is basically a video platform the guys use to chat with us. All those Lives and random videos you see getting translated are from... VLive. You can see them later on youtube, but it's so fun to be awakened at 3 AM because your phone tells you someone is Live. And you DON'T KNOW WHO until you get into the app.

THAT ISN'T A VIDEO YOU GOTTA GO TO VLIVE FOR THAT. They are arranged by date, usually. Pro tip: If you are watching a VLive NEVER ASK THEM TO SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE IT'S FUCKING RUDE. And whatever you do, LEAVE YOUR SHIP OUT OF THEIR SPACES. That goes for every platform they're on, but specifically Weverse, VLive and Instagram. These are grown ass adult men who are not Barbie dolls and do not want to hear what you think about Taekook or Yoonmin FFS. The official places to buy merch are at Weverse or at the major online retailers. Right now Target has PROOF on preorder for the US. NOTE: You cannot use the Global Weverse Shop and have album sales count for Billboard rank. They don't get credit. Use the US shop, Amazon, Target, whatever for Billboard numbers and THEN if you NEED the preorder photocard and you're willing to drop a hundred bucks or so for it, you can preorder PROOF as a package deal from Global. CONFUSED YET? JUST WAIT. Hey Youtube.

WE WATCH ORIGINAL CONTENT IN THIS HOUSEHOLD for what? TRUTH AND CONTEXT. That means if you use Youtube, use it for music videos, fan music vids, comedy, and entertainment. But don't take it seriously and DO watch the source material either on Bangtan TV (Official) or VLive/Weverse. Beware the Edited Relationship Analysis videos!! DON'T DO IT. Edits are fine, they are fun. And one day we will do a whole "why Jaya has a crush on DT Parker" post. I recommend Cameron Philip's Dubs series if you're not easily offended. Wonsummerknight, amazing. Tons of great content out there from some awesome creators. BUT

BEWARE THE taekook-lives. That woman makes her money by dissing BigHit and playing Jimin as a whore and Jungkook and Taehyung as unstable, controlled puppets of an evil corporation AND SHE CHARGES PEOPLE FOR THIS SHIT AND THEY PAY HER FOR IT. NO. She and Dave Discii are the bane of any decent ARMY's peaceful Youtube existence. AVOID. The Larrys of this fandom live under their tuneless bullshit umbrella and WE DON'T DO THAT HERE because WE ARE ADULTS with FUNCTIONING CEREBRUMS. And TikTok is.. it's TikTok, it's FINE. It ain't gospel. Neither is Twitter and @BTS_twt has pretty much deserted the bird app AND YET WE WAIT and kvetch and bitch and moan and cry, but Twitter is a good place to get new info if you're not scared of toxicity and fan wars. Good memes sometimes, too. And NSFW fan edits, I dunno, I see 'em sometimes. It's good for info and not taking things personally.

(I mean they're not wrong, just sayin) And INSTAGRAM - here are the guys' official accounts as of just now, go follow ALL 7 and enjoy!

I'm told there is a Facebook but do we use that anymore? Like, at all? I don't so Bad ARMY Me or w/e but I really don't care. I think I've talked long enough, baby ARMY. Go find some cool stuff to look at. OH!! WAIT!! THE FANCHANT!!

You can't call yourself an ARMY until you can do the fanchant!

Learn it, live it, love it, LOUDLY. There. My work (for now) is done.

[cipherexists]

i would like to introduce you to my spinny guy, he is very pathetic but also very cool

Issac

below is a non comprehensive list of random facts about him (propaganda of my wet cat)

TW for body horror and slight nsfw

he could technically grow a beard, he just has male pattern baldness

he has been pronounced dead 3 times, and the last time was when Lin* removed his heart.

he can acess his magik so well and easily because his componants are themselves magik (this also makes him unstable to touch)

his mother died when he was 17 (he is now 37) due to terrowin (his father) sacrificing her to shagsus (the god of his church) (he is a priest)

he started to practice necromancy when he was 19 and training to be a cleric but stoped when he became the head priest (at 24) but when serpere(wife) 'died' he found all his old books and started practicing again

He had alot of issues with his health as a kid, require lots of surguries and medicine. eventually his parents took him to a new village (bermuda/errydyon) where they started praying to shagsus whos beliefs read that the metal of the earth is purer than the flesh of the skin. his problem organs were replace with robotic versions obtained from Rimehold and he got better.

he required matience over time as he kept getting sick untill his key organs were all mechanical

he then just did upgrades himself including his muscles and both his eyes. he did this via surgical sterilizations and biting a belt between his teeth to stop him from screaming

he has hydrolics and metal piping in his legs his arms just have steel pins and false mucle tissue

theoretically he cannot die in a way that matters

Issac cannot go near an mri machine and always gets stopped by TSA

issac can canonically speak elven

issac can withstand a Lot Of Pain

He reads romance novels before bed (this has warped his perspective of a relationship and he will keen at any cheesy move, he cannot flirt for his life)

issac theoretically doesnt need to eat or drink human food

he does however need to top up his hydrolic fluid and oil like a mfing car

i do not like to think about issacs dick or how sex works when he is a cyborg

so i wont give that information**

his eyes glow, and if you put your ear to his chest you would be able to hear the servos, hyrdolics and mechanical beat of his heart. its slower than a normal humans

he runs cold, his chest is warm due to all the mechanics but his limbs are cool to the touch unless hes been running are fighting then they are very hot (think how a laptop heats up)

he is theoretically very flexible, but also that damages his parts so, dont do that

can issac run doom?

yes? he has no screens or speakers

issac cannot grow most hair as most of his skin is synthetic so it cannot grow hair

he performed all of his tattoos himself

most of his surguries to replace his biological parts were done by himself, other than his liver, kidneys and his first eye adaptation

Theoretically you can plug a usb stick into issac and he could access the information

Issac smells like bitter almonds and cherries***

He loves baking but not cooking (he can still do both)

he likes bugs + taxidermy

Issac has autopsy scars! he was only slightly Vivisected :D (only slightly because he is questionably alive at this point)

Context

* Lin is 'BBEG' for campaign, he is very cool and you understand why he is angry

** he has a wife sorry. his wife is cooler than him by 104%

***this is what most embalming fluids smell like - is it for his still living parts or the necromancy he commits? both 🥰

info dump complete, i have more but im in the process of actually putting that into a story