#it’s 2am and im just staring at walls that won’t be mine for much longer
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#im really going to miss this house#it is ultimately a shell of my mum though i haven’t lived properly in years#this is the house she died in now rather than a place of joy#i don’t know if ill ever feel a true sense of home ever again#im gonna miss these yellow walls and the way i felt when i painted them#we went from black to yellow teenage soph you didn’t realise how poetic that was at the time but it means the world now#i just wanna yell ‘you made it through kid it doesn’t stay dark forever’ but i don’t fully believe that right now#the through part isn’t over yet sorry love life has a way of reminding you#i feel like i don’t belong anywhere now#how do you move to live for yourself when you were the soul person reliable for a whole human for 6 straight years#i was literally 19 making medical decisions and dictating doctors notes into layman’s terms for mum to understand that’s a lot#i don’t know how to prioritise myself i haven’t been allowed to for nearly a decade#it’s 2am and im just staring at walls that won’t be mine for much longer#i think my brain thinks it can delay the moving date because maybe the time won’t pass if i stay awake
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