#it’s hard talking to me myself for long periods of time LMFAO

[thelovelybitten]

hey pookies I need more stendy moots pls I need TO GET MY BRAIN DUMP OUT but also cry with people abt how cute they are and share headcanons w each other and—

[emblazons]

this is likely so personal and just. way to much info but there is no where else in my life I could possibly put it and...weirdly, I trust y'all lmfao

There's something so painfully unnerving about having someone be genuinely interested in you after being single for so long, and I don't think—for all of my internal belief that I was ready for "the right relationship" when it came for me—I was prepared for how much there is a very real part of me that desperately wants to run and hide from it solely because it challenges my internal status quo.

The thing is....when I last had a meaningful breakup with a semi-serious partner (2019), I treated being single as a temporary state; something to "get through" until I found a new partner, and I went through the classic dating app gambit and saw men and women and tried to "put myself out there" the way they tell you to do. Then, after realizing how little I wanted to deal with casual dating and hookups—and after being told on my birthday a man I'd been talking to for four months already had a GF of two years—I lost a taste for trying to make something out of nothing and just put sex and dating entirely on the back burner, instead taking the "you can only control you" advice I'd always seen so I could focus figuring out who I was without a partner to constantly distract me from that.

From probably the beginning of COVID, that meant focusing on ...just every single aspect of myself. From healing the mental anguish of burning out of my (then) previous job, finding the bravery to do things I would always do with partners by myself (going to the movies, going out to eat, even shit like solo international travel) and even just letting my "inner nerd" come to the fore because I didn't have anyone looking at me funny for doing things like spending hours writing Stranger Things analysis or learning to make gifs (lol), I've spent nearly the last four years just...learning to like all the random corners of myself as myself, finding out what it felt like to go to sleep alone and content with the woman staring at me in the mirror.

In doing that though...so much fell into place for me in so many areas it never managed to when romance was a priority. I got a job that I absolutely love, and make more money than I even thought possible ever, nevermind before 30. I went from having roommates and shit credit to having my own apartment and fixing a lot of the financial mistakes I made in my early 20s. I learned to take better care of my body—going to all the doctors i had avoided for years, taking accountability the aspects of my health I could control, and losing the nearly 60 lbs I gained from illness and medicine (and poor habits) in that previous 4 year period. I traveled to New Zealand for the first time, went to all the concerts and music festivals and events that growing up poor had denied me, and learned how to be comfortable doing everything from buying cars to making serious appointments all alone. All of that happened because I was single, not in spite of it—and as I realized how much mental space "the pursuit of love" had taken from everything else, being single slowly started to feel like a boon from the universe in a way my formerly partnered or "crushing" or "dating" self could not have even dreamed.

Granted—that was not an easy process. Even right now I'm not sure it would be honest to say I always enjoyed it, especially at first. Some days being "single and not looking" felt like the world was crushing me under the weight of being alone, from how much easier it seemed emotionally, mentally and even financially for my partnered friends (because "a burden shared is a burden halved" as they say) to the way when the walls closed in and life got really hard, the only other being in the room was my cat and....maybe God.

Learning not to be annoyed when one of my friends found someone they loved and wanted to be with seriously—often moving toward marriage, because that's the era of life I'm in—was still a challenge, and not wanting to bite people's heads off when they said "but aren't you lonely" still happened a fair amount. Slowly becoming desensitized to my body as a sexual entity felt strange at first, but then it slowly changed into something comforting as I realized that a lot of the sex I was having before wasn't rooted in an expression of affection or desire for my partner, but expectation, habit, and a refusal to accept that I was actually pretty fucking demisexual. I started looking at my own relationship history and other people's as something to be studied and considered not emotionally, but logically—and slowly slipped into a version of myself the me of my early 20s could not have ever fathomed.

It wasn't even until I was in New York in May that I realized, probably for the first time in all that time, that I had accomplished all of what my "intentionally single era" was designed to do. I was a featured speaker on a panel with one of the largest design magazines in the entire world—but more than that, I was someone I liked, respected, and wanted to be, because when I looked in the mirror, who stared back made me happy as fuck to know.

So, I said I would be more open to meeting new people again. And within—I shit you not—three weeks, this man shows up on my birthday of all days and within five meetings wheedles his way not just into "oh he's kind of cute" territory, but all the way to me kissing his cheek, saying his mispronunciation of a word he's only read is cute and holding his hand at a concert on a random Wednesday.

I literally cannot tell you how unnerving that feels. I cannot tell you how much I can feel the walls of my four years of singleness wanting to shut him out despite all the green flags he's managed to present at record fucking speed, especially compared to all the partners I had before him. I cannot tell you how much even the usually nice feeling of liking someone feels sullied by my own sincere doubt this is going to work out in the long run, or how even the smallest things he does that aren't like me feel like giant red flags because I've spent so much time focusing solely on myself even a smidgen of someone else in that space feels enormous.

I cannot tell you how weird it feels to have someone look at me with desire, both for my body and to know me more; how weird it feels to sense the starting of attraction in myself because someone has laid so much of themselves at my feet and still stayed present despite my overwhelming desire to isolate and intellectualize. To me, its been four seconds of my life since I met this man—someone who I honestly didn't even think I would like that much, and who made me defensive solely because he was reaching for something I wasn't even sure I was ready to give—and him being intentional about seeing me, remembering things about me and complementing me feels like an overstep...even though it's probably one of the healthiest things that could be happening to me.

Even the fact that I told him about my family, my struggle with anxiety and my distancing myself from sex for so long feels fucking insane to ME, and I'm the one who did it. It feels like this little lonely, touch-starved gremlin inside of me has been let out of her cage on a leash and still managed to run to the front of the deck and start barking directions. Two inches forward feels like a mile when you've spent just under half a decade not moving at all—and while I don't feel overwhelmed by it yet, this whole thing gives me anxiety even as I'm nearly desperate at this point to let myself explore it.

I don't know. I might regret even say this, though I don't think so; even if it doesn't work out, it was going to happen sometime and with someone. I just. Its new. Its different. It is just about as far out of my comfort zone as I could get, and that feels weird to say considering how the me of "before" would have laughed at how little has actually been done. There really isn't anything to do at this point but see it through as far as it makes sense to—and to accept the want that it returns to me, no matter how horrifying that seems in the moment...and as he texts me, as I write this even now.

I'm nervous, I'm anxious, and I'm excited. Right now, I think that's all i've got.

[lovebvni]

hii!! it’s yemi again!!

it’s been a while and i was wondering if there is any message i need to hear regarding shifting again since so much time has passed!! i’m currently persisting (or learning how to be consistent with persisting!) but my life has gone downhill since the last time we talked and it makes me wonder how my journey’s been affected!!

idk what to add for you to tap into my energy BUT i really like to be as sweet and kind to people as I can and present myself as very energetic and erratic, and I’m a bit neurotic (LMAO) with a lot of creativity, but just as much anxiety. i’m a double major with theater and international language studies because I like them both and I want to find a way to put them together to do great things, despite the uncertainty of my future!! I’m usually thinking a lot, so I don’t have a lot of hobbies because of how bard I commit and what my anxiety likes to stick to. I hope that information helps!!

HI YEMI! it’s nice to hear from u again!!!

u we’re one of the first readings i ever did on here and it’s sooo amazing to hear that hr doing well (AND THAT U CAME BAXK FOR ANOTHER READING? HELLO?!)

so, i’m getting just shifting tips plus a shifting update for u!

LMFAO I GOT WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY??

so i’m gonna do a cartomancy instead.

two cards per question.

shifting my tips — 2 of cups and king of swords i’m getting talk to other shifters. on amino or discord. 2 of swords and 8 of swords keeps coming up too (8 of swords is actually bottom of the deck!)

so maybe spend time cutting off the people who are toxic. i’m sensing this may be a romantic relationship.

leave the people who are no longer serving you.

find new friends, people who are actually here for u and want to work for u.

** after doing shifting progress i wanted to do another shufflemancy for more tips!!

ok ok, spirit is saying you really wed to get out of this energy in order to do anything. they’re saying “bitch and moan” but i’m seeing more of a pity party. youre holding onto this for too long. you need to focus on what you really want. you want happiness, joy and love. then why not chance after it? times can be hard, but that doesn’t mean give it up.

loki also visited me and he showed 7 of pentacles. he’s also saying if you don’t focus, you’re not going to be able to reap the fruits of your labor.

shifting progress — 10 of swords and knight of swords

you’re coming out a bad period (as you told me) although it is slow coming. you are going to bleeding for a while, and it’s going to be hard.

this hardship is going to overcome with a pickup. maybe a mini shift, a message from a person, a new focus, whatever it is, it’s getting better “starting now”

thayw all i got for u yemiii!!! i love u sm! i hope to hear from u again soon telling me u shifted!

love and blessings! send a review <3

[maigo-san]

hi zig!! can i ask ❤️💭 and 💣 for the ask game? (((o(*°▽°*)o)))

hi leafie!!! Sorry for the late reply, I just got on my tumblr tonight since my touch screen is a bit of a mess lol

I've answered ❤️ and 💣 here, so I'm gonna repost the answers here, answer 💭 and one that I haven't answered which is ☀️!

❤️ - what are your favorite kind of RenTan stories? (Canon, Rengoku lives, modern… etc)

definitely, Rengoku Lives stories since it's just the default. It's so fun to fiddle with it. Maybe it's because of the time period or the fact that it's directly from gtg's ideas, it just hits harder. But I've been really liking stories where one or both of them are mystical beings, whether it's the konpon au, dragon tan, fox scholar kyou~ I can't choose, they're all so gooood

💣 - share your most controversial RenTan take. Set your thoughts ablaze!!

BHAHAHA WHYYYYY

Kyoujurou has a fat ass!

jk.

I honestly don't know~ maybe one of the reasons I'm die-hard for rntn out of all of my ships is because I tolerate most headcanon lmfao even the darkest or dead dovey... idk. I wrote and made some questionable stuff myself so usually, if there's an au or trope I can't get behind, it's just how the author/artist executes it and if I have the energy, I'll try it with my own version. I get to make something I like and rntn gets more content

Like for example, I think Kyoujurou is not as experienced as Tanjirou just because he's older. There's barely anything he accomplished romantically or sexually around those five years gap. He's as young and awkward as Tan. But I can see why people would think that. He's adored by so many people. But so was Tanjirou and I feel, if Tanjirou becomes a charcoal burner for a bit longer, it could be the other way around since Kyoujurou is a bit intimidating.

Hey, maybe he learned everything just from three volumes of shunga and erotic novels!

💭 - In a world where the train ride lasted longer, what do Rengoku and Tanjiro dream of?

this is a very interesting question tbh. To make the train longer, that means Nezuko had to get out of her box way later so she didn't knock Tanjirou's forehead and cried when it bled. As for Kyoujurou, his dream did last the longest out of all of them and I know it was for the kamabokos' screen time, but I still love to speculate on what takes him so long to wake up.

I like the idea of Tanjirou noticing the uncanniness of the dream. Maybe Nezuko finally came down from picking veggies and he asked things like, "where are your nozzles?" or wondered why Nezuko's eyes looked weird (since he got used to her demon eyes). I imagine he had to live till the next day and had to go down to sell charcoal and heard whispers of villagers about a missing person and started sniffing the air for a trace of something he didn't know but he had a bad feeling about. I wanted to see him realize that he had been living with demons all his life and that slow and damning realization is enough to wake him up.

But as for Kyoujurou, I like to think that he succumbs further and deeper into his dream instead. And I feel he'll just dream about waiting.

Like somehow time stretches and no crow called him for a mission until the sky turns dark and he had to eat dinner with his family which is just filled with silence and awkwardness with Kyoujurou occasionally trying to strike up a conversation with Senjurou about school or something. His father don't usually eat with them but maybe in that particular day, Shinjurou got out of his room to join them and when Kyoujurou tried to strike up a conversation, which sadly only revolves around demon slaying, it pissed Shinjurou off and he went on ranting about Kyoujurou taking this too seriously or wondering why Kyoujurou didn't have anything else to talk about.

Someone told me Kyoujurou is the only one who has a shitty dream lol and I get it but it's more like it purposely mimics his real life not only because Enmnu won't blow his cover but aEnmu's blood demon art probably also deems it the life he "wanted". Like, to Kyoujurou it's impossible to accept a different reality. It'll be too uncanny for him and he'll wake up sooner.

But then, I'm gonna twist canon a bit, during the last scene of Mugen Train he said he remembered to tell Tanjirou to visit his family home. So as the dream continues, he started to daydream. How he wished he had a tsuguko. He wished in his bleak world, he met someone new that could maybe give a bit of color. He's grateful for his family but he said so himself, he's constantly worried about Senjurou and that he had it worse than Kyou, he really felt the family fell apart after Ruka died, and he never smiled whenever talking to Shinjurou.

Somehow he saw flashes of checkered haori like when Tan saw flashes of Nezuko's box. After dinner, he chased after that mysterious back around the very quiet and maze-like neighborhood and he still didn't see it coming. Like he still didn't realize he was under BDA attack. Cuz I think, in Enmu's logic, Tanjirou could be the "dream that he wanted". Like, maybe at first it seemed he wanted life to be the way it is, but apparently, he also has his own desire which is to meet someone new.

He might not remember Tanjirou's name or face but he had this strong feeling when he saw dream-Tanjirou and it pushes him further and further away from reality.

Maybe by the time he catches Tanjirou's shadow, the whole world crumbles because the girl finally pierced his spiritual core OR when he catches Tanjirou's shadow, he could hear Tanjirou's voice around him but not from dream Tanjirou, but from real Tanjirou who was trying to wake him up, screaming his name.

☀️ - How did you watch Mugen train for the first time? (In theaters, at home…)

Watched it at home on some illegal streaming site (I haven't installed netflix at that time yet), I don't remember much but I think I watched Mugen Train first before finishing season 1 LMAO like I literally didn't know Tanjirou that well but I respect him for the down-badness.

Anyway, that's all! Thank you for the ask, leafie!!

[okthatsgreat]

new chapter release and ask game.... you have made this so much easier for me. yet so much harder. there's so much to talk about....... ill start w the ask game bc no matter how desperately id love to talk about the recent chapter i want to collect my thoughts about it bc as of reading it i have been in such a state. 7 (if ur open to it !! if not then keep your dark secrets hidden), 41, 47, 69 (haha)

ehehehhehehe im sorry about the STATE!!! <3

7. post a snippet from a wip

omg....... okay i cant lie to you i have not started this next chapter so teeechhhnically i don't have any wips lmaoooo However. i am a woman of drama and mystery. so here is a snippet of rough dialogue from a scene that is going to happen further on down the line :) for those who dont want to be spoiled ill leave it under read more!!

41. who’s your favorite character you’ve written?

ohhhhh GODDD that's hard genuinely ive loved all of them and if not loved then liked at the least. i loved writing in mius pov just because shes so entertaining to dissect especially in lgowab, where she was in an environment that arguably (not even arguably just straight up LMFAO) brought out the worst in her. im also a big fan of makotos povs because im obsessed with how much he lies. and not even maliciously. so much of what he thinks contradicts what he says but hes still the good guy

its been a while but tenkos pov was so much fun to write from as well....... so entertaining. she has a huge personality and huge heart it was really fun to write

47. is there a trope that you’ve written before but are now sick of?

LMFAOOO ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. hm hm hm. alright i am ABSOLUTELY not saying i got sick of it i loved writing her but there was one long period of time where i was just straight up dreading writing from himikos pov when i was writing lgowab and it was literally all my fault LOL. mius povs were so high action and dramatic and tense so it was super fun to write from her side, and at this point in the story she was just getting into the enforcement team and was starting her downward spiral. and then i had himiko, who was progressing but at a pace that was a lot slower. which was fully intentional!!! like i WANTED that to happen. but i just had no idea what to write for her, because in comparison to miu's pov himiko was just so Fine if that makes sense. like obviously himiko was not doing okay mental health wise but she had a gf and friends and a pretty solid understanding of where she stood in regards to safety. miu had none of that, was spiralling out of her mind, and was actively pushing everybody away. eventually himikos story picked up and i found myself getting into her pov more but yeah ghdfjksghdjkfgh hit a bit of a wall!

don't even know what trope that classifies as WHOOPS!

69 (haha). what are your favorite fics at the moment?

favorites of mine ouughhh no clue! i like rereading run from your demons :] same with lgowab honestly. sometimes i just get reminded of a scene and i want to go back and read it again to get a better mental visual lol. but that applies to literally all of my fics so IDK!!!

in regards to other peoples fics i really do not read fanfiction that often HFDSKGHFSJDHHGKHJ ummmm i think the last one i read was the hope's peak gay straight alliance by vanadisvalentine and that one was a nice feel-good one :)

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! <3333333333

fanfiction writing game!

[qvirkycrxxtvre]

I’ve decided whilst tripping balls on mushrooms this evening that I will be posting here a tad more.

What it is, is I keep a diary on my notes app on my phone, but I’m deciding to just like, move it. Here.

I say this because I feel like it’s such a waste to live the life I live and it to be told to no one. I know I have this conclusion bc I have dead relatives that didn’t have the literacy to document their stories and I remember my family asking me to listen to these terribly scary familial stories in hopes I would do something good with them, make some kind of art. I won’t.

I don’t talk to my family anymore.

Pause rephrase

I’m not telling you my name, but I want whoever reads this to know this blog will contain the incredibly intimate thoughts of a mentally unwell woman. Me.

I need help, and I’m sure I’ll get there. Hold on I need to restart again

I need it to be known my Husband is a good man, who is coping with a very traumatized wife. My life has always been very interesting and I guess I feel an upswing to that coming soon again. I was one of those who grew up chronically online and had unrestricted internet access starting at the age of 6 maybe, but I still had access even at 3

$€£¥

Sorry okay back back back Maybe I’ll make a notation yup let’s do $€£¥ to notate whenever my ADHD brings me away from my writing so if the thought is incomplete but it’s still in the entry, that’s what happened.

I uh. Used to have a very very public diary. Multiple. Some way more public than others. I don’t really value privacy, my Husband is doing his best to teach me these things like what’s okay and what’s expected but like

It’s fucked okay anyways I think I gave the disclaimers I needed

Fuck the world building I just need to recap all the shit that went down, ugh I can feel it in my guts that I’m supposed to go write a scathing yelp review but no I, I wanna write it in my diary ya feel me? Maybe if I don’t write terribly, I can copy paste lmfao okay sorry back back back

Or actually does it matter? I can’t remember okay yes okay hold

Yes so that notation worthy pause was me reminiscing on our night so so hard that I felt the need to message my friend about the night but then I remembered I literally am starting a diary as a coping mechanism to get the crazy things I need to say out of me without disturbing my life via messaging actual friends or my Husband to start crazy stuff when I really just need a place to vent.

$€£¥

Sorry, see this is why we don’t have Hemingway ass writers modern day. I’m telling you, if I could focus long enough to tell you my adventures it would be like The Sun Also Rises ahhh it’s always interesting starting a public diary bc it’s like damn I have to introduce myself kind of like not really, I talk about myself and rehash my life on a daily basis so I guess whatever one doesn’t know about me, you can find out in a few days when I get to it.

My brain is literally so Wattpad (where I once had a public diary) that I’m trying to title this project to a degree. Eh,it’ll come in time.

Ugh. I took my meds and when they kick in I’ll go to bed and I’ll still haven’t told anyone about tonight ahhhh

You need to understand that I’m considerably slow processing speed wise but like when given the time to get there, I have a lot of mind.

Anyways. Okay I think I’m finally not tripping balls.

My Husband is asleep in bed next to me. We got home not too long ago- it’s 12:48PM- put the baby to bed, ate our pizza burgers joyously.

$€£¥

See okay cool now I can just tell it here

God so, there was obviously a time before I was married. I still have friends from that time period.

I currently play DnD on a weekly basis with my Husband, my middle school best friend, anddd

our DM. We jokingly call him Daddy Master because of a typo my Friend made in the group chat.

But god, if she only knew.

I keep getting distracted writing on here because obviously, I want to tell her something.

It’s “What I wouldn’t do to have gone home with Daddy Master tonight”

I hate knowing there was a time when that could have been what happened.

We had some dumb pizza and beer issues tonight and honestly, he handled it. It’s so fucked, I loved a masculine man. I love someone taking lead. I love someone driven to protect. Ugh, and his car was so so clean

So, we ordered food right? But it never came. It was some bullshit. So two hours later, Daddy Master in the front seat, my Friend in shotgun, me behind Daddy Master and my Husband behind my friend

Okay see pause and go back again, the reason calling this guy Daddy Master is extra funny to me, is because I literally used to go to this man when I was younger to get my fill of DD/lg play (it was a trade, I had to do feet stuff for him idk) and like this was all on a friends level because like

Like how I mentioned previously, I don’t entirely understand privacy and something that comes in tandem with that is I also didn’t understand boundaries and what was for people in relationships vs family vs friends of that makes sense.

Anyways. Uh, my Friend doesn’t know how I know our DM. My Husband knows to an extent. That we met on tinder. Same place I met my Husband, years later.

What the fuck was I trying to say

Oh

God I just, my husband isn’t… sexy when he’s mad. He’s effeminate, in like a whimper/panic stutter frustration way, but then also he’s… he’s prone to hit… things…

But Daddy Master? Bruh.

$€£¥

Sorry. Okay I need like a 4th person pronoun that isn’t “Chat” that I can reliably say to address the readers or else Bruh and bro (my default words) are going to be everywhere here

Dearest Reader. DeRe. Boy if that don’t look like someone making fun of John Deer products in the sponagar voice

Ugh

Anyways, I think I WILL make content on here. A mixed media diary. I used to do comic strip diaries at one point. I won’t take it that far but def anticipate some soundgasm audios attached here and there

I want to tell people things but I feel the meds kicking in, and it’s so late at night.

I’m going to go listen to some audios and jill off now. Ugh. I’ll become a better writer as this goes, I’m sure

Goodnight 1:24AM

05202024

[ritual-misery]

18-10-2023 🎧

yesterday was very up and down 💀 and i knew it was gonna a mess the second i forgot my earphones at home. those shits r my lifeline. riding the bus in silence was torturous

anyways. yesterday something happened that hasn't happened in a while... i got gendered as female. usually, where i am now in my transition, i'd say i get gendered as male 99% of the time. ages vary; usually people think i'm some 13 year old LMFAO but chemically i am 13 so i mean... there u go. but nonetheless they read me as a guy

but yesterday was different. it was after my last class of the day and these girls started talking to me about the material and whatnot. then we went to some public event thing happening outside and as we're sitting there i get called "she" when one of the girls says something abt me to the other one. i thought, maybe i misheard. but then they started talking about the traits they hate in guys... then i was called a baddie... sooooo 😭

honestly i feel nothing about it. maybe a bit awkward cause eventually its gonna come up that im actually a guy. and its gonna be weird. but it kinda made me think. like yeah, i get gendered as male a lot, but honestly im still pretty androgynous. i have no facial hair yet, my face is still kinda round, i wear earrings (non-feminine ones), and i'm short. so someone could easily read me for a girl as much as they read me for a guy. i notice that when i do get misgendered, it's usually by girls. other guys always gender me right. the rare times i'm read as female it's usually by a girl. curious as to why

but nonetheless it happened. and it reminded me that i have a long way to go in my journey. and that i shouldn't get too proud and think that i'm mr. unclockable all of a sudden. i have some time to wait before my face changes dramatically or i grow facial hair (although im trying to get my hands on some minoxidil), but there are more areas where i can masculinize as i wait. like working out and doing different things with my hair. i'm gonna try and style it different because i feel like it makes me look so feminine and it bothers me lmao. it's this overgrown mullet thing, and the process of growing out the sides is making me want to go bald. in my deluded brain i feel that if i finally grow out my hair long it'll actually help me look more male? cause it'll cover my face and make me look a little older (i feel that lots of young boys have short hair while longer hair would indicate maybe an older guy? idk 💀)

it's easy to get discouraged, i think. i found my mind saying, "a cis guy would never have to deal with something like this." but then it occurred to me that i'm not a cis guy. i'm gonna have different experiences in life than one, and i shouldn't use the average cis guy's life as a marker for mine. it'll just leave me unsatisfied and feeling like a failure when i've failed nothing. i gotta focus on myself and what im doing. i'm not cis so my life is not gonna be similar to that of cis people's. and that's not a shitty thing

oh and here's my second problem. i ran out of testosterone. i'm with this specialized doctor right now and he's very hard to reach out too. long story short, the next time i see him is in november... i ran out of T last week. today's my shot day, actually. so i'm concerned. i know that nothing monumental will happen to me over 3 or so weeks, but the only thing i really don't want to happen is my period returning. which it surely will. so now i have to do a final hail mary: at the very beginning of this, i got a prescribed vial that i wasn't able to receive because of a problem with insurance. there's a chance that the vial is still sitting in the pharmacy now. will i probably have to pay? yeah. but i mean.. what choice do i have. i would rather pay and take the T than wait three weeks and have my body go through crazy mood swings and my monthly returning from the shadowy depths. so i'm about to call the pharmacy and see what they say. at least i can try. it's been one year, so the doctor is going to give my prescription to my family doctor to have him deal with it (special doctor only handles patients for one year), but my fam doctor will probably ask me to give it to someone else. so i should start researching some endos in the area

alas. weird life, weird events. today i got no classes and i'm gonna try and get stuff done. there's minimal things i need to do for school, so non-academic tasks are getting prioritized. ESPECIALLY my workout. it's been way too long, and i'm trying to get all buff now so when summer hits i'm chilling. plus it's winter coming soon so what else am i supposed to do lmao. also gonna try and buy some stickers to decorate my laptop today. very whimsical and fun ofc

[clair0se]

Hello! It is me again! Wow! You are trans! Wahoo! How did you figure it out? Gender is very confusing. I don't get it. (I recently found the song "Gender Is Boring" by "She/Her/Hers" and the second verse sort of encapsulates some of it if that makes sense.) You are HRTing! You have HRTed! You are now an HRTer! Woooooo! Also! Your HRTday and my birthday would be on similar dates! Yip!

uh, i figured it out through a lot of thinking and putting that girl (myself) into situations. i'm big on like, analysis of media and what not, so i'd do the aforementioned situation-ing, and then decide what it meant to me. like, shaving body hair. i liked it, even so when i considered myself a guy (but also my legs are wayy to fucking sensitive for that shit lol). i like, changed the way that i would talk (as in, speech patterns, not changing the pitch yet). grew my hair out (quarantine was helpful here lol). ya just, idk, fucked around and found out. and once i had doing that for a while, i sat on my thoughts for about another year making up my mind. and Then i sat on the made up mind for a year to be certain i was dialed in onto what i was before coming out to anyone but the closest of friends. and ya know, still not 100% dialed in. which i think is a good thing. because, even though it's hard for me to rember, it's important to not close my mind. so like, i am fairly confident i have the Basis down. but i've been thinking of dropping the e at the end of my name and being clair cuz it's slightly less fem. and i think i'm slightly less fem. like, the goal is toeing the line of androgyny, but from the Other side. yk?

and speaking of music, i apologize but i will likely not listen to that song in a time relevant to reading this ask. i, don't believe in streaming services. period. (except for me watching breaking bad with my sibling but that's a bonding activity and literally no one is perfect). and so i listen to all my music on cds. and that makes me slow to pick up new bands. but i Do do it. so probably some day i will listen to she/her/hers and hear that song 👍💥

and wow! it also lands close to my birthday lmao (but ironically, a little bit before. it was, an arbitrary time that happened to be close to my birthday rather than me, waiting until my birthday happened to be Able to do hrt by my own accord. that was due to the, previously mentioned, sitting on thoughts and feelings and brains). and, in extra funny fashion, my birthday is 9/11. surely nothing else in history has happened on that date.

also, can i ask you questions? (she asks rhetorically like, 2 (run on) sentences before she does end up asking questions.) i genuinely don't care that you're choosing to remain anonymous cuz like, what ever floats your boat 👍 and i also don't care that the platform for this conversation happens to be my blog. literally other than the sounds post, it's pretty much crickets and tumble weeds over here and if people don't want to have long ass text posts answering anon's on their dash, i am at peace having less followers lmfao. also, no pressure if you don't wanna answer a question. you can ignore any or all of them and i will be none the care-er. but uh, yeah, i'm really curious if you play celeste? cuz though i Talk about among us a lot more, celeste is the game that i actually Play. and honestly, that was the only question for now 💥 i need to eeeeeep. if you wanted to, you could tell me what time zone you're in. time zones make me happy. (i literally don't care where you live i Promise and if you don't wanna answer what like, slice of the world you live in i TOTALLY get it. just thought i'd throw it out there). ok,

[lacheri]

11:29 PM, 4/20

pairing: stoner!Eren and fem bodied reader

content: smoking/drugs, dumbification, finger fucking, penetration, porn without plot, minors DNI

summary: eren's been trying to fuck you for years now, and he's got a different angle to play at this time. all it takes are a few pretty words and free weed.

wc: 3.5k

notes: happy 4/20 lmfao i wrote this in two hours and i'm posting this unedited and half asleep

‘Rolling up, you sliding through?’

Your phone illuminated brightly against your face as you held your phone above you, your bed’s soft comforter brought up to your chin. You bit your lip, contemplating Eren’s invitation. Your eyes glanced to the clock in the corner of your phone screen, blinking a couple of times. ‘11:29 PM’ it read back.

‘Pleaaaase, 4/20 is almost over ):’ Eren had resorted to double texting, and you sighed, his battle easily won. You tried to believe it was fought hard, but you knew perfectly well that you were wrapped around Eren’s pretty little finger. He called, you answered. Simple as that.

‘I want a blunt all to myself for this Jaeger. I’m literally in bed right now’ you typed back quickly, clicking the off button on the side of your device, begrudgingly throwing your blanket off your body as the heat escaped. You gazed down at your attire, sweatshirt and sleep shorts bundled up to your form, and you sighed once again. Eren was going to have to accept you like this, because there was absolutely no way in Hell that you could fathom throwing on real clothes this late at night.

‘What’re you wearing? Send pics’

‘Eren I’m LITERALLY!!! On my way to your house right now’. This boy was going to be the death of you, or at least whatever brain cells you had left.

Fuzzy pink slides adorned on your feet, hair thrown up in the messiest ‘neat’ bun you could manage, you pocketed your keys and wallet. You grabbed your bookbag in the corner of your room full of paraphernalia, knowing well by now that Eren was too lazy to buy bongs or bowls, and made your way out of your home, locking the front door on your way out. You hit the unlock button on your car, throwing the bag in the passenger seat and set out for your late night journey.

It wasn’t uncommon for your best friend to hit you up so late, in fact it was Eren’s peak hours for hanging out. He never genuinely inconvenienced you, just an annoyance because every single time you got that invite text or call, your head would have just hit the pillow beneath you, sleep on the horizon. Traffic was the best at this time too, you would reason on the way there, virtually no cars on the road, turning your usual twenty minute ride into a ten minute one.

When you rolled up Eren’s driveway, you could see the dark red lights of his bedroom through the upstairs window on the front of the house. You picked your phone out of your pocket, texting a quick ‘I’m here’. You grabbed your bag, slinging it over your shoulder and climbed out of your car. By the time you made it to his front door, Eren was swinging it open, a goofy smile on his face.

“Just us tonight?” you asked, referring to the lack of cars in the driveway as you glided through the entryway.

“Yeah, feeling greedy. We haven’t hung out just us in awhile,” Eren smirked, leaning back and letting his eyes travel down your spine as you slid by him. He reached and pulled the door closed, locking it quickly and following quickly behind you.

You spent most of your nights here, knowing the pathway to Eren’s room. You jogged up the stairs, oblivious to Eren’s eyes trained in on your bouncing ass in your loose fitted shorts. His bedroom door was wide open, and you navigated over clothes thrown haphazardly on his floor to his unmade bed. You bounced as you sat down, hitting the mattress with your full weight and unzipping your bag, picking out your favorite bowl. Eren lifted the corner of his mouth, clearly amused at how at home you had made yourself.

“Comfy?” he asked, a teasing tone to his voice as he joined you on the bed, rolling tray and jar of bud in hand.

“Mhm,” you hummed, eyeing Eren’s hands as they set quickly to work. His grinder sat on the bed behind him, and after picking out a few clusters of green from the jar, he reached behind him and popped the top off, going through the motions of getting prepped for the smoke session. “What’d you do today?”

Eren shot you a dumb founded look, “It’s 4/20, what do you think I’ve been doing all day?”

You rolled your eyes, throwing your hands up in surrender, “Just making a joke, asshole.”

He chuckled, extending his hand out so you could pass him your bowl, packing it not long after. Eren looked around his mattress for a lighter, eyebrows drawn together as he couldn’t find one. You smirked then, extending the black lighter you had packed in your bag, and Eren smiled gratefully. He flicked the lighter once it was in his possession, pointer finger resting over the choke as he placed the pipe to his lips, inhaling deeply as the fresh green turned to ash. He lifted his long finger off the choke hole, removing the pipe as he held the smoke in for a few seconds, eyes instantly glazing as he exhaled.

Eren was one of those smokers that the second he had a hit of weed, it was written all over his face that he was high, even if he wasn’t. When Eren picked up the habit in highschool, his parents knew instantly what the boy had been doing during his “study sessions” with his friends. Now that he was an adult and moved out of his childhood home, Eren was pretty free in his indulgences, no longer carrying around eye drops to try and help him appear as innocent as possible.

After his second hit, Eren passed you back your bowl and lighter, coughing lightly as he exhaled, “What about you? What’d you do today?”

“Not much, spent all day watching documentaries and smoking my vape,” you laughed lightly, positioning the pipe to your own lips.

Eren’s eyes drank in the sight of your pretty plump lips as they wrapped around the tip of the pipe, fingers copying his as you bent your finger over the choke. The lighter ignited after a single flick, warm colored flames illuminating your face. It was like Eren was watching you in slow motion, but it was always like that with you, even when he wasn’t high. He could see the fire in your eyes as they focused downwards to your actions, and Eren felt his mouth go dry. You pulled the bowl away, making eye contact with him as the smoke exited your lips, licking your face as it traveled towards the ceiling on your exhale.

The two of you made small talk as you passed the bowl back and forth, Eren making a face once the bud was dead. He packed another bowl, repeating the rotation until that one was dead. The two of you thoroughly fried, he put the pipe on his bedside table and leaned his back against the wall by his bed. You mirrored him, resting your head on his broad shoulder as the two of you enjoyed each other’s company.

“We should make edibles this weekend,” you suggested, fingers playing with the drawstring of your hoodie. “Maybe invite the group over and get zooted and play a game or something.”

“Zooted?” Eren snorted. “I haven’t heard that word in years, grandma.”

You shot Eren a glare, which he began to laugh at, “I’m hip, okay? Zooted is making a comeback.”

“Stop trying to fit in with the youth, Myrtle,” he teased, wrapping his arm around your waist to tuck you into his side. “Man, if I was only 50 years older.”

You lightly elbowed his side, “You wish you could bag 70 year old me. I’m a fucking catch.”

“I wish I could bag you period,” Eren confessed, probably for the hundredth time of you knowing him. “How come you’ve never let me take you out?”

“Because, you’d just fuck and dump me and then I wouldn’t have a plug anymore,” you pouted, purposefully snuggling in closer.

“Is that what you really think?” he asked seriously, positioning his neck to the side so he could look down at you.

You looked up, centimeters apart from his face, “That’s what you did with all the other girls.”

“But you’re my best friend,” Eren frowned, taking his hand and pushing your hair behind your ear. “I wouldn't do that to you.”

“Don’t know if I wanna’ really find that out,” you smiled sadly.

“C’mon, let me prove it to you,” Eren licked his lips. “Fuck me, right now, and I’ll take you out tomorrow.”

You felt a pulse in your pussy suddenly, gulping spit down as you broke the eye contact, “I don’t know ‘Ren. We’ve been friends since highschool, what if it makes things weird?”

“You can’t look me in the eyes right now and tell me that you’ve never thought about it, about us,” his voice was a hare above a whisper. “Because I think about it all the time. ‘Is why I hit you up all the time, I like you stupid, I always have.”

This confession was so different from all the other ones. Eren was practically begging to let him in between your legs on a weekly basis, ever since you had met him. Never once had he been this honest though, so genuine sounding about his feelings. He had a point as well, you thought about being with him all the time. You were always at his house or going out somewhere together, you spent all your free time with him, of course you would have feelings for Eren.

“If,” you started, your eyes blinking rapidly as you returned your gaze to his red ones. “I say yes, and things are weird after, we’re going to pretend like this never happened and we go back to being friends.”

“Deal.”

Eren’s lips crashed into your’s, any and all hesitation rolling off your body as you eagerly returned his kiss. His other arm circled you, bringing you in somehow even closer to him as your hands grabbed both of his cheeks, feeling the flex of his jaw as you smashed your lips together. Eren’s hand traveled under the hem of your sweatshirt to the small of your back, guiding you to sit in his lap. Legs on either side of his hips, your tongues slipped through the both of your lips, meeting in the middle.

Maybe it was the high, maybe it was Eren, but the throbbing in your cunt only expanded as Eren smoothed his hands all over the middle of your torso. They traveled up to the swell of your breasts, free from a bra, cupping both tits in his large hands. His thumbs slid and teased your nipples, hardening instantly under his touch. You arched your back, pushing your chest into his palms even more, your hips flicking as he tweaked your nipples between his fingers.

You both moaned into each other’s mouths at the roll of your hips, feeling Eren’s dick harden fast underneath your clothed center. Eren had been wearing a pair of thin grey sweatpants, leaving not much to the imagination while he was in this state. You felt his lips scrape against your bottom lip, pulling it into his mouth and sucking gently. He released it, a string of saliva linking to the two of you together.

“I’ve been imagining this for forever,” Eren’s eyes were glazed and deep red when you met his gaze. “I just never thought this would happen.”

“I’ve been wanting you too,” you admitted, your dirty little secret exposed.

He smirked at your confession, hands still toying with your breasts. Silencing you once more with his passionate kiss, he moved his hands downwards and to your back until he met the waistband of your shorts. He easily slid under the hem, gripping your ass in his palms, kneading and spreading you apart. You felt your pussy flutter, the indirect contact sending you into a deep pit of arousal, your senses heightened greatly.

It was like Eren could read your mind, and his fingers traveled to your spread cunt over his lap, running a finger over your slit over your panties. You whined, pressing your hips down to achieve a greater pressure from his hand, in turn allowing your wetness to seep through the cotton of your panties. Eren chuckled against your lips, reading your body language loud and clear. He pushed the fabric aside, allowing his knuckles to brush directly into your folds. You moaned into his mouth as he spread your arousal around your vulva. When his thumb bumped against your clit, you felt your patience snap entirely.

“‘Ren, need your fingers, now,” you panted, eyes half lidded as his kiss traveled to the underside of your jaw.

“You got it, baby girl,” he hummed into your skin. There was no resistance as he pushed his middle finger into your opening. “Fuck, you’re fucking soaked. This all for me?”

You couldn’t find your voice, nodding and whining out as he pumped his single digit into your pussy. His touch was slow, deliberate, trying to memorize every single ridge and flutter of your walls as you pulsed around him. Eren’s mouth was dry, dick hard and throbbing, completely lost in the feeling of you sucking his finger in deeper. He couldn’t comprehend the fact that his cock would be replacing his fingers soon, finally fucking you like he had imagined for years now.

His middle finger dared to pull out, and you let out a desperate whine, thinking that was his plan. You gasped in relief and pleasure as his ring finger pushed past your entrance, clenching tightly on his fingers. Eren found solace in this, perceiving your flutters as permission to go finger fuck you at an ungodly pace. He positioned his wrist as a more comfortable angle, and his fingers pumped inside of you at the speed of light.

Your eyebrows came together, mouth hanging open as you squeaked and whined, Eren’s other hand finding purchase on your jaw. He squeezed your cheeks together lightly, forcing your lips to pout as he maintained direct eye contact with you. His own lips hung open, and you could see your reflection in his blown out pupils. It only enticed you more, you looked heavenly. Eren couldn’t have worded it before himself if you had verbalized this, whole heartedly agreeing with you.

“You’re so tight,” Eren groaned out, his hand leaving your chin and slipping two fingers in between your lips. “Suck, baby.”

You did as you were told, Eren’s fingers slowing to fuck up into roughly, hitting your sweet spot over and over. Your tongue circled around his knuckles, lips vibrating on his fingers as your moans were silenced. Eren was thoroughly enjoying himself, seeing you completely under his control like this. You were putty in the palm of his hands, literally.

He slid his fingers out of your cunt so suddenly, feeling the gush of your arousal against your inner thighs as his hand left your shorts. His other hand fell out of your mouth, moving back to your jaw as you felt the wetness of your spit spread across your face. Eren brought the hand he was fucking you with to his own mouth, and you were practically drooling at the sight of him sucking your pussy juices off of his fingers.

“Delicious,” he cooed after he pulled them from his lips. “Just like I always imagined.”

You took this as your opportunity to remove some of your clothing. You tugged your hoodie over your head, tossing it on the floor. Eren followed suit, removing his own white t-shirt and reattaching his lips to yours. You tasted hints of yourself, not at all repulsed, in fact the exact opposite. You tasted sweet, tart but sweet.

You pushed yourself away from Eren, scooting off his lap in order to tear off your shorts and panties. Eren mirrored you, almost ripping his pants and boxers off as he slid them past his thighs and ankles to the floor. He remained in his seated position, eyes swirling and fingers twitching at his sides as he watched your crawl back to him. You placed a sloppy kiss to his lips before turning your body around, placing your feet on the mattress on either side of his lap. Sat in a full crouch now, you grabbed Eren’s cock, pumping him a few times with both of your hands in a screw motion. He moaned from behind you, his own hands gripping your ass cheeks to support your frame.

You guided Eren to your hovering pussy, teasing your clit, soaking him in your dripping heat. He cursed underneath you, his right hand moving to your hip as you lowered yourself on his length. Eren groaned loudly as the feelings of satisfaction and relief flowed through his body, his own heightened senses taking over. You moved to rest on your knees when you felt Eren bottom out inside of you, a string of moans and whimpers leaving your lips. You arched your back and Eren leaned back more, eyes stationed on your beautiful round ass.

“You’re so fucking hot,” he ran a hand up to the back of your head, untangling your messy bun so your hair fell free down your back. “C’mon baby, bounce on my dick.”

You lifted your hips, slamming down to his pelvis urgently. It was so overwhelming, the feeling of his cock filling you to the brim making your brain empty. Your eyes screwed shut, mouth hanging open dumbly as drool coated the swell of your lips. You bounced again, and Eren yanked your hair back as he watched your pussy stretch around him, close to snapping and drilling into you as he saw the creamy ring form around his base. You were a moaning mess, unable to think clearly as your body took over. Pushing all your weight into your knees and palms resting on Eren’s thighs, you fastened your pace, ass bouncing every time Eren’s fat tip brushed up against your cervix.

You felt the sharp sting on your cheek and heard the resounding slap of his hand on your right cheek, tears springing to your eyes, “Fuck, Eren, you feel so good.”

Taking your hips into his strong hands, Eren was finally at his brink as he thrusted hard up into. You yelped, letting yourself go limp as he slammed into your cunt at a dangerous pace. He was in full control now, fucking you into a stupor.

Your hand left it’s home of his thigh, traveling to your aching center to rub your clit. Eren’s position was perfect, rubbing the underside of his shaft against your g-spot. When you opened your eyes, you could see his toes curling, legs flexing and twitching. He wasn’t going to last long, your pussy putting him under a spell. You circled your clit with your pointer and middle fingers, throat raw from all the noises escaping you. All you felt was Eren, all you could hear was Eren, he was filling your entire being up, replacing any and all thoughts they may have lingered in your brain.

“Gonna’ cum,” you whined, fingers moving even faster.

“I’m so fucking close, fucking cum baby,” Eren growled, thrusts desperate and becoming irregular.

You stilled above him, a breathless scream heaving from your throat as you gushed around him. Your pussy clenched so tight, and Eren couldn’t hold back. Because as empty as your brain was, Eren was in the exact same state as he shot his thick load into you, filling your tight cunt up with his cum. You milked his cock, walls convulsing in your mind blowing orgasm. Black spots appeared in your vision when you realized you had forgotten to breathe, you took a deep gasp of air.

You were a panting, sweaty mess hovering over him. Eren was in awe, watching beads of his white seed leak out of your center. He’d worry about the consequences when his brain could comprehend what had just happened, but for now, the deep primal urge of filling you up was sedated. Eren didn’t think he could’ve imagined fucking you for the first time any better than this. And when you finally lifted your hips to release him, he felt a wave of sadness, your beautiful pussy no longer surrounding him.

“Did you, oh my God, Eren,” you lifted your hand in front of you, seeing the creamy white of his cum smeared on your fingers. “You came inside of me?”

“Sorry, baby,” he caught his breath as you turned your head over your shoulder to glare at him. “I’ll buy you Plan B in the morning, promise.”

“I’m on the pill, but still,” you huffed, letting the anger leave you as you realized Eren would take responsibility. “You didn’t know that.”

Eren laughed without humor, “Oh well, at least I know for next time. Now c’mere, wanna’ hold you while I roll a blunt.”

LACHERI © 2021: all writing content belongs to LACHERI. I do not allow reposts or translations. this is my only account.

[sakurology]

I just came across you nsfw with Osamu and I really enjoyed it I was wondering if You could do one for Kita?

Hi love! This is for u 💕 and all the kita fuckers worldwide- myself included bc I’m in love with him now 🥺

NSFW Alphabet - Kita Shinsuke

Nsfw below da cut g

gn!reader focus in this hoe

A/n: ty @honey-makki for being my partner in degeneracy and my wife ilysm bc she can read when I can’t

𝕬 - 𝕬𝖋𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖈𝖆𝖗𝖊

Will feed you a full meal. His way of making sure you’re cared for is keeping you well fed. He will cuddle you and spoon feed you himself if he has to, as long as you eat every single bite. He has a routine for everything, aftercare is no exception. He runs you a bath, then, while you soak, he cooks. Will make sure to throw a hoodie in the dryer before heading to the kitchen so it'll be warm for you post shower. Then he feeds you and holds you, playing with your hair or your hands until you fall asleep.

𝕭 - 𝕭𝖔𝖉𝖞 𝕻𝖆𝖗𝖙

You already know what the fuck is going onnnn! Kita is honestly so well sculpted that it really doesn’t matter but let’s talk about his back/shoulders. He’s so mf broad and it's very sexc of him. He’s also very fond of when you cling onto and scratch it up…. delicious

He loves your hands. He loves to hold them, especially when he’s looking straight into your eyes as he drills the hell out of you- he’ll lift one up and kiss it bc ✨romance✨

𝕮 - 𝕮𝖚𝖒

Oh he’s going to fill you so full of cum that it pours out of your ears. He has a big breeding kink, and huge loads to match. But he’s also very healthy and takes good care of himself so his cum isn’t bad on your tongue on the off chance he hasn’t already cum inside you 600 times prior to finally doing so in your mouth. And he’s going to kiss you after- very sexc of him.

𝕯 - 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕾𝖊𝖈𝖗𝖊𝖙

Lost his virginity in a barn. Got a tick on his ass of all places. The barn isn’t the secret tho... the tick is.

𝕰 - 𝕰𝖝𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖈𝖊

When you got together- he was definitely a virgin. Had only gone as far as MAYBE second base. But you used that to your advantage, because you’ve essentially built him up and trained him to be PERFECT for you. You also helped him find out what he likes and what makes him feel good too. Sure there was a lil’ corruption involved, but in the end you’re both very happy with your sex life.

𝕱 - 𝕱𝖆𝖛𝖔𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖊 𝕻𝖔𝖘𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

Full on mf wrestling mating press. He’s going to have his cock so deep inside of you that if he even pushed a bit more his body is gonna go in too. Then he’ll just live there. He’s fine with that.

𝕲 - 𝕲𝖔𝖔𝖋𝖞

Unintentionally so. Every once in a while, you’ll both giggle or laugh because you have to reposition when you start to cramp up or you accidentally hit him in the face when tying to pull him closer or something. But he’s a firm believer in the whole “if you can’t laugh with the person you’re having sex with you shouldn’t have sex with them” addage, so he’s very grateful for those light moments.

𝕳 - 𝕳𝖆𝖎𝖗

It could definitely be neater. He isn’t abysmal, but he is hairy and could stand to trim a tiiiny bit more often. He’s just very low maintenance down there. As long as it’s clean he's good, which is both true and a decent place to start but pls tell him to get a little off the top of you know what I mean.

𝕴 - 𝕴𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖆𝖈y

He’s! So! Loving! He’s always going to go the extra mile to make you feel special. He likes to keep things on the softer side I’d say 8/10 times. He prefers to make love instead of just fucking it out- but if you get into an argument or he’s frustrated, he will happily go hard… but still with candles and a massage. Also I said it already but he’s gonna hold your hands while he demolishes you- interlaced fingers and all that cute shit even tho you’re getting railed.

𝕵 - 𝕵𝖆𝖈𝖐 𝕺𝖋𝖋

His grandma is one of those old ladies that’s like “don’t do that you’ll go blind,” so poor baby was a lil pent up before he got older. Now, he still doesn't do it often, but he does it once a month or so as part of his routine. He uses coconut oil because he likes the smell and that it melts easily.

𝕶 - 𝕶𝖎𝖓𝖐

Breeding, listen it’s just embedded in country boys to fuck and fill. He is no exception.

Spanking, moreso as a way to direct you. Moving too much? slap to stay still. Changing positions? Slap to get you moving. Just wants to see you jiggle? Yeah that too. Motivational slaps also come into play when he wants you to know you’re doing a good job.

Auralism, He LOVES to hear you. The sound of your breath, your moans, the way you chant his name when you’re close… he eats that shit up. It feeds his ego and boosts his pride. He also makes a lot of noise himself, mostly really deep moans but there’s a sprinkling of praise throughout too.

𝕷 - 𝕷𝖔𝖈𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

He needs privacy. So he’s definitely one to want to keep it at home or at least somewhere secluded and away, where he knows only you and him are there and will know about it.

𝕸 - 𝕸𝖔𝖙𝖎𝖛𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

He doesn’t care how he does it, but his number one priority, is making sure that you cum. Kita is a giver. And he will make sure to give you whatever you want from him.

𝕹 - 𝕹𝖔!

He’s not into SUPER rough stuff. He’s not vanilla, but he is the kind of guy that sees sex as “lovemaking” so he’s not gonna punch you in the face or throw you around like a ragdoll. It’s just not his style. Of course if it's what you want, he will… but never expect him to ever bring it up or do so on his own.

𝕺 - 𝕺𝖗𝖆𝖑

Ok so- he's… teachable. I’m not gonna lie, he would start off as absolute trash. But the good thing about him is how adaptable he is, and how willing he is to learn. You’d have to have him work at it a lot but once he gets good he’s great. He’ll love the feeling of accomplishment he gets from you getting off with only his mouth- it does wonders for his pride.

𝕻 - 𝕻𝖆𝖈𝖊

It’s very even- until he starts to get close. When he’s close he’s going to speed up so much that you have to brace yourself against anything that’ll hold you. He is definitely a headboard grabber too.

𝕼 - 𝕼𝖚𝖎𝖈𝖐𝖎𝖊

He likes to take his time with you. For that reason, he isn’t a huge fan. You would really have to convince him that it's worth it. He doesn’t see the point in instant gratification, and thinks you should be patient. Good things come to those who wait and all that Kita stop being so stoic and rail me at the farmers market challenge

𝕽 - 𝕽𝖎𝖘𝖐

Lmfao you think this mans is really gonna go for a public or semi-public scene? Think again. Now, he’s into sex outdoors sure, but only in your fenced in, enclosed backyard. He’s not letting anyone see you point blank periodt, you’re for his eyes only.

𝕾 - 𝕾𝖙𝖆𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖆

Excellent self control. He can hold off on cumming for as long as you need him to. Usually he’ll tap out himself after you’ve gotten through at least 3 of your own highs- but his record is 6. Has a super long refractory period tho- so he does things this way to make sure you get everything you need in one go.

𝕿 - 𝕿𝖔𝖞

He actually likes using toys on you. He has a bunch of different plugs and vibes that he uses to suit the situation. He prefers to use a hitachi wand on you while he’s fucking you, but all the others he uses for foreplay- or after to keep you full to the brim of his cum.

𝖀 - 𝖀𝖓𝖋𝖆𝖎𝖗

You both tease each other absentmindedly. He doesn’t know why he gets so turned on by you scrubbing the floor on all fours (that’s why), but he does. He also doesn’t understand why you think its hot when he cuts firewood in winter or wipes his forehead with his shirt during the summer. He thinks he’s gross and sweaty- but you can only think of a million other ways to make him sweatier.

𝖁 - 𝖁𝖔𝖑𝖚𝖒𝖊

Listen we stan. He’s not quiet in bed by any means, but he’s not overly loud either. He’s the type who takes deep breaths and then on the exhale let’s out a moan from deep in his chest- you know the one. And he does that shit on purpose. Not really, but he does think of it as his way of letting you know that he feels as good as you feel. Will also 100% hit you with the “is that it baby? Is that the spot?” While you’re practically turning into jello underneath him bc he absolutely knows that’s the spot he just likes to make you say it.

𝖂 - 𝖂𝖎𝖑𝖉𝖈𝖆𝖗𝖉

Wants to recreate the sex scene from tthe notebook with you. He can’t explain why, he just has an unexplainable urge to suck your face off in the rain and then proceed to raw you after peeling all the damp clothes from your body. Please oblige him.

𝖃 - 𝖃-𝕽𝖆𝖞

He’s got the thickness. Not coke Can thickness but like… you remember the Alaskan bull worm from ep of SpongeBob? Well he’s the whole worm, not just the tongue. I’m going to hell for that reference but ya he has a nice dick. The perfect thickness and and I’ll say a pretty good 5.5-6 inches worth. It’s also very veiny on the underside which- yes I love that.

𝖄 - 𝖄𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌

Normal sex drive, since you tend to do it at least 2 times a week. He only seems to get a little needier when you CAN’T have sex regularly- ie, one of you is sick or you’re away from each other. When that happens, he’s a little edgier than usual, can snap sometimes but not often.

𝖅 - 𝖅𝖟𝖟

He’s the type to get a second wind after. He’ll only go to sleep after he makes sure all your aftercare needs are met, and even then, he’s only going to power-nap it for maybe 10mins. He’ll stay still and cuddle you while you sleep, but he’ll most likely watch tv or scroll through his phone while you enjoy his warmth. Every once in awhile he’ll give you a kiss while you stir.

Taglist Starseeds (check ur privacy settings if your url is in bold): @honey-makki @crushzone @yumekosgamblingroom @boujiesav @onesingleravioli @ushijimasfarmhat @trouvelle @nekoma-hoe @right-shoe-jpg @atsumusc0ck @nivky0-0 @animoozies @charmarsmith @tsumue @disasteren @hoe4abbacchio @sillykittt @ukaisbaby

[mooshua]

hi uh it’s mooshua (aurora, moosh, whatever you want to call me). I’m so sorry about my sudden leave and everything and worrying some of you. that was really uncool of me to do and I really am so regretful for that. honestly I’m kinda embarrassed right now. explaining myself is rather difficult because, I won’t lie, I’ve been having feelings of inadequacy towards both myself and the works I put out. lol so I’m kind of having a hard time articulating my emotions because my mind is all over the place and I’m literally sweating as I type this out.

long story short: I got burnt out, started hating my writing with all my being, accumulated some Not So Nice messages, and then just did not want to be perceived anymore.

the long story: like I said above, I’ve been having Conflicting Feelings with regards to what I have been writing. anytime I read what I wrote I would just feel my gut twist and turn like I was going to throw up because I WAS SO EMBARRASSED. nothing about it was... up to my standard? nothing flowed right, I could point out a billion mistakes, and I wasn’t laughing like I used to. and it wasn’t just feeling embarrassed, it was like whenever I wrote something I would Not Be Having Fun With It because I kept thinking “deadline deadline deadline you need to finish this by the end of this week it’s only 5k words are you saying you can’t come up with a measly chapter in a week you used to be able to write 15 chapters in a month you dog” and I would just force myself to sit in front of my computer for hours and when I finally finished I wasn’t really happy with the final product I would just think “god I need a smoke break” even though I’ve never smoked in my life. and then I’d also get “please update!” messages/comments in the dry periods and, don’t get me wrong I really appreciate that people are reading my stuff, but I’d feel more and more stressed because then I’d automatically think “Oh My God People Are Waiting And I’m Letting Them Down.”

so with all these bad feelings welling up inside me I thought “I need a break.” and that’s what I did. I took like a 3 week break in september/october (I honestly don’t remember because the days have been bleeding together) in hopes that I just needed to rest to get my brain started again! after those 3 weeks I then did the usual routine of writing and updating, but again Things Just Didn’t Feel Right because it felt like I was diving back into that stress inducing spiral of the dreaded Weekly Updates.

I mean, I would get so hung over this stuff because in the back of my mind during my free time I’d be thinking “I could be writing and finishing up both series right now” and you know what? I’d do that. well, I tried at least. I’d force myself to sit and type whenever I had ANY free time because I already had everything planned, I just needed to put words to a page. well, doing that for nights on end was just mentally exhausting me to New Levels. everything I was doing was not sustainable at all.

AND THEN THINGS SLOWLY GOT WORSE because I would have zero confidence in my writing and every week or so I’d get a message in my inbox saying something along the lines of (or rather word for word) “your writing isn’t that good/special/anything new I don’t understand why people are reading it/why you get so many notes/you’re not as funny as you think you are” and at first I would kind of laugh at it and go “oh trust me buddy, I’m wondering the same thing too” and then delete it because I do Not Wish to entertain the thought on my blog, but then I was hitting a new all time low in my mentality and I got another message on the day I deactivated which was a Really Bad Day and it read “your writing isn’t good” and I went back to the chapter I was editing for the day, felt my gut do that twist and I thought “you know what? you’re right. it’s not. goodbye.” pressed the forbidden red button and honestly felt a weight lift off my shoulders because that meant I no longer had to deal with that stupid cycle of constantly updating in order to Feel Something.

I kept thinking “why is this not as fun as it used to be, why am I so stressed out all the time opening that stupid doc and going on my blog?” like I would literally sit down and think about this as if it was a math problem or something. my inadequacies kept rising within me but I would just bottle it up, go to writing and trying to answer messages like nothing was wrong because I really didn’t want to worry anyone or think I was a charity case who needed help, but now that I think about it I really should have talked this out instead keeping my mouth shut. I just thought this was something everyone goes through so I was like whatever it’ll pass. I kept thinking “this shouldn’t be as deep as I’m making it” and brush it aside, but then I kept thinking negatively about my ability to write and literally DREADED sitting down in front of my laptop that I would have to hype myself up in order to get a sentence in. I think the last time I actually felt really proud of something I had written was during the summer...... and then after that it was just downhill.

and listen. I know this is just a Fun endeavor and I really shouldn’t care about what other people think as long as it makes me happy, but along the way I stopped being happy because I started caring Way Too much and putting unrealistic expectations on myself. it’s weird. I know at my Big Age I should have a better mentality, but it’s been eating at me for a while and I just wanted to pull the plug.

okay now the part that a lot of people are wondering: are you going to finish your series? I plan to. I really want to. I think it’d be a waste not to. I’m still feeling pretty conflicted right now with my writing, but I already mapped everything out, and I don’t like to break promises since I already said I was going to do this thing. thanks to anyone who read my works and I’m sorry to have worried you. I just needed to take a step back and think about what’s good for myself.

yeah. so that’s my explanation. this whole thing is so long and for that I’m sorry. if you went through this then pat on the back for you. I don’t know when I’ll come back or how long it will take. I just want time for myself and to not think about anything with regards to writing. like at all. also I only have 1 request: for anyone who downloaded the series from ao3, please do not repost or reupload or redistribute them. please I’m literally begging. I deleted them for a reason and I really don’t like the idea of these stories floating around without my consent. when I do get back into it I’d like to make edits to what I have written. idk if any of my mutuals still want to talk to me after this but feel free to lmk lmfao sorry I know that I sound like I’m off the deep end but I really just need to cool it before I start diving back into a Healthy Relationship With My Writing Hobby lol. why am I so dramatic... SORRY. anyway. I hope you guys are staying happy and healthy during this time. don’t forget that.

[alethiometry]

Edward Kenway for character asks!

ooooooo okay i should open this with a disclaimer: i have not finished black flag yet (about 2/3 of the way through i think? i need to level up my ship so i can beat the next story mission lol) so everything i'm saying here is based on the game up to thatch's death, and everything we know about edward in ac 3: forsaken and the comics that came out a couple years ago.

First impression

oh boy... to be honest, one of the reasons it took me such a long time to get around to playing black flag (it was one of the first ps4 games i bought when i got my console in 2016, and i didn't start until about a month ago) was because i didn't really feel particularly strongly about edward's character design. i was vaguely interested in That One Pirate Assassin Game after having watched (and loved) black sails, but was afraid i would be let down; to me edward just looked like Some Dude, and i was still hung up on the black sails gang. to me, black sails and its characters were so genre/time period-defining that any other piece of pirate media just seemed lackluster in comparison.

i'd also heard a lot of praise for edward and for ac4 in general so i was aware that it was a very popular and well-received game. but since i mostly heard that from reddit (didn't join tumblr ac fandom until odyssey in 2018) i kind of discounted it, bc gamer reddit tastes are... questionable at best.

Impression now

I LOVE HIM!!! i always think i want stories about virtuous characters who believe in goodness and kindness and aren't motivated by gold or glory but aren't afraid to do what needs to be done to help others who can't help themselves. and sometimes that's true (coughratonhnhake:toncough). other times i end up clowning on myself because i realize that it's so much fun when said good/kind character has a rough and rugged exterior, and is motivated by personal gain (i think edward and kassandra are kinda kindred spirits across time and space in that regard, but maybe that's another rant for another time). sometimes you just want someone to be a little bit of an opportunistic bastard, and boy does edward fit that to a T. he's an incredibly complex man, and i think what really got me was that even as he was impersonating assassins and then templars and then assassins again, all for personal gain (pickpocketing the templars in havana while he gains their trust and agrees to do their dirty work lmfao my beloved <3), his primary motivation for doing so was to prove to caroline and her family that he is someone worth a damn, that he is capable of great things and that he is worthy of their love and acceptance. and i know from ac forsaken that the marriage with caroline doesn't last (though i haven't played ac4 far enough to see if that happens on screen, or if it occurs between the game and the novel) which makes his backstory in the game all the more heartbreaking. but his optimism and perseverance and determination to prove himself are all what make me love him.

so that's edward the romantic. now let's talk about the way edward is with adewale, his crew, and his friends. and let's also put the rest of this behind a readmore bc girl i am RANTINGGGGGG

he has several lines that he says to adewale that make me physically cringe (namely: "many of [these men] wouldn't accept you as captain" or "what was it like being enslaved?" like i get that someone like edward would be asking that question in good faith and genuine curiosity but also JESUS CHRIST UBISOFT). but on the flip side - cringey as those questions are, he also takes the time to actually listen and learn, and i think he genuinely values the perspective that he gets from adewale allowing him to open these lines of trust and communication. there's a patience and mutual respect there that i adore.

i also love how much edward loves his crew and his other pirate friends. those scenes of him + kidd + thatch + adewale + hornigold (lol) drinking on the beach and having a grand old time and talking about establishing - to borrow one of my favorite chills-down-my-spine phrases from black sails - a nation of thieves, for people like them to live and prosper, free from the chokehold of civilization. and i know he's not as outwardly invested in counterculture/independence/anticolonialism as thatch and vane and kidd are, but the fact that he so wholeheartedly supports his friends' goals, lofty and impossible as they are, speaks volumes about his love for his friends.

Favorite moment

every scene he has with kidd when kidd casually and softly reminds him that they see that he is a good person beneath his opportunistic and rambunctious exterior. i especially love when they discover julien du casse's mansion containing orders for templars to go out and hunt down assassins: the way kidd immediately knows that edward wants to help the assassins as a way to make up for the damage he did while masquerading as a templar, even if he hasn't voiced it aloud himself. the way that they don't force edward to admit anything about himself before he is ready, but still constantly remind him that he has a good heart. they give him space to come to terms with his compassionate side in a world/environment that more often than sees compassion as something to be stamped out or cast aside. i don’t love when characters are forced to be the Moral Compass for a main dude character, but i think it works for edward and kidd.

Idea for a story

not an edward story per se, but there are 2 povs into edward's life that i would cut off (someone else's) limbs for:

jenny's pov growing up in the kenway household. from haytham's pov it seems that she knows way more about his past than haytham ever did (it was hinted at that there are rumors about edward’s past as haytham was growing up that he wasn’t privy to, but i don’t think at any point in the novel does haytham ever find out definitively that his father was a pirate) and i want to know how she knew so much, and more into what her life was like - through her eyes rather than haytham, who is like 10 years younger and by his own admission barely understands her and barely has a functional relationship with her. i'll expand further on edward and jenny in the next question/prompt/bullet point, actually, bc i have a LOT more to say.

connor's pov learning about his grandfather from... idk? who's around to tell him? what's so goddamn sad is that by the time connor rebuilds the colonial brotherhood he's kinda the only one left. sure there's aveline down in louisiana, but as far as we know everyone who was around in edward's generation is dead now, and i'm not sure how much of the kenway saga is preserved for connor to discover, or if all this information about their family line was discovered in the modern-day, by your abstergo employee character, and later by osto berg in the comics. which is why i so badly want a revelations-style game where connor traces his assassin heritage back to the caribbean, relives some of edward's memories, and then makes the trip to london to see his aunt jenny. it would have been such a cool way to round out the kenway saga.

Unpopular opinion

idk how popular or unpopular this is bc i rarely see other in-depth posts about it on my dash, but edward was a terrible father to jenny. he was every bit the wonderful and loving father to haytham for the 10 years that haytham had a father, but i wish we'd seen more of jenny's perspective than just a few lines of dialogue in haytham's diary: i hate the way edward sidelined her and raised her in the same manner that any other wealthy person of the time would have raised their daughter - that is, for the sole purpose of sitting pretty and marrying her off in an arrangement that would benefit the family. it's especially hard to reconcile because in ac4 there are female assassins in the americas, and there are female pirates in the caribbean, so it's not like edward isn't aware that women have as much right as any man to live life on their own terms. it just seems like by the time he returns to england and settles down with his family, he's reverted back to the societal norms and gender roles that the pirates fought (and lost) against, and it's hard not to be deeply disappointed by that.

to be clear, i don't begrudge edward settling down and becoming a Rich Society Man. dude deserves to live comfortably with his loving family. he has every right to dote on his wife and children, and leave behind the hardships of being a pirate. but i think "fightning against deeply-ingrained cultural norms/expectations is a long and bloody struggle, and after losing so many people he cared so deeply about, i think it's understandable that edward wouldn't want to continue that fight alone (and also adewale is still fighting the good fight) (do NOT @ me about ac rogue I Pretend I Do Not See It)" and "i don't love the way edward sidelined his daughter into societally-expected gender roles she did not want; it makes me think that he did not continue drinking his Respect Women Juice as much as i thought he did/wanted him to" are two opinions that can coexist.

Favorite relationship

i don't know that i ship edward romantically with anyone, actually. i thought he and caroline were cute in the beginning, but it's hard to want to ship them knowing that she leaves him eventually. and ofc there'd edward/tessa in ac forsaken, and we know they were very happy together and that he loved her so so much. but we don't see that relationship except through haytham's eyes.

as for non-romantic relationships, i already talked at length above about his relationships with adewale and the other pirates and kidd, and i'll just leave it at that. i'm also vaguely aware that edward's got some upcoming scenes with anne bonny, but i'm not at that point in the game yet so i don't have much to say about the two of them. so far i've only seen them say a few lines to each other at the nassau tavern.

Favorite headcanon

kassandra absolutely rubbed shoulders with edward at some point during his time in the caribbean; i like to think that she needed to lie low for some reason (maybe she was with the assassins idk) and joined his crew. i just need my best stabby gal and my second-favorite stabby dude to be pals!

finally, this isn't a headcanon per se but it is obligatory that any time i talk about kenways i yell for a bit about the fact that EDWARD WOULD HAVE LOVED CONNOR SO SO SO MUCH AND I'M FOREVER DEVASTATED THAT HE NEVER GOT TO MEET HIM. at the same time, if edward hadn't been murdered and haytham not been indoctrinated into the templars the way he had, i'm not sure connor would even have existed. and in a way i'm glad that edward wasn't around to see how broken and cynical and depressed haytham became, because i think that would have absolutely broken his heart.

send me a character!

[cortanaaq]

A/N: This came in later than I expected,it’s really long but I hope you enjoy it.

This is for the anon who requested nct or tbz spending Halloween with you. So I did nct 127 ;’) sorry for waiting 

**also thanks to @365nct, i used one of their incorrect quotes for the jaehyun one haha hope they don’t mind

  NCT 127 – Spending Halloween with you

 Taeil

-He was not really used to celebrating Halloween if it wasn’t for the SM Halloween party

-So this year you got him unprepared

-but he doesn’t mind celebrating as long as it is with you

-he came with the idea to have a couple costume and that was ,,,,

-yup you guessed it

-Beauty and the Beast

-but this time he was the beast and you ofc,the beauty

-because he can’t repeat the incident from 2017 where he was dragged to dress up as Belle and winwin was the beast- anyways

-he glares at you every time you bring it up lol

-this time he pulled the uno reverse card tho

-because he definitely treats you like a prince/princess all the time,he went shopping for costumes with you

-he bought everything you wished for,even the crazy unnecessary decorations like a stupid flying skeleton or a witch dressed as a hooker

-like what even is that?? He wondered but laughed when you gave him puppy eyes

-“it’s funny tho,it would look good at the entrance “

-he snorted

-obvs taeil couldn’t resist those eyes and the pouty lips that he kissed in the end

-spends the whole night eating the candies you’ve got

-he likes to take a loooot of selfies so be ready to be bombarded with funny filters

-after you both get tired of all the dress up thingy,you too decided to watch a horror movie

-classic but he knows what he’s doing

-whenever you cling onto his arm or squeeze his hand he smirks and hums into your ear

-you know he’s teasing and he chose that movie on purpose so you occasionally punch his arm when he tickles you with teasing small pecks on your cheeks and neck

-but you secretly enjoy it don’t lie

 Johnny

 -Oh johnny boy 

-I think for sure Halloween is his fave celebration because he always plans to visit Chicago in that period

-for this and for Christmas of course 

-he likes to celebrate it in the US cause the traditions are kept alive there 

-so he’s excited to take you trick or treating 

-You chose Corpse bride for costumes

-you were so excited to do his make up as Victor and he was excited to see you dressed for a wedding lmao

-While doing his make up before leaving for treating,he kept looking at you being so concentrated 

-“you look so beautiful like this babe”

-“johnny I look dead“

-literally

-he laughed and kissed you when he got the opportunity 

-and ofc he couldn’t contain himself from making cheeky remarks  either

-and you get mad at him for talking and smudging his make up by accident

-“you distracted me !!”

-but you like his annoying ass and would never be actually mad at him

 -plus he looked good even with smudged make up

-you think maybe it’s too smudged but he lifts you up and kisses you harder that before

-…and now you’re both smudged  but you don’t really mind as you kiss him one more time

-after all,you leave for trick or treating but realize you’re a bit old for this 

-he will not go home without corn candies tho so you’ll have to force him to do so -but because he looks around and sees mostly children,

-he suggests going to a party in the neighborhood 

-it was a party thrown by his friends ofc 

-and you were more than happy to show everyone the power couple you make together

 -he drives there,one hand on the steering wheel,one hand on your leg

 -occasionally caresses your skin and you blush a little 

-he knows your weaknesses tho

 -anywayssss

-you arrive at the party,everyone is in awe,,,he can’t really stop bragging about you

 -and you have a great time meeting his American friends for the first time

-seeing you tired after a while of being there,he comes closer to you and hugs you from behind

 -whispers in your ear how gorgeous you looked and how everyone loved you 

-and how he’s gonna take you home and spend more time as real ‘groom and bride’;;))

 Taeyong

 -this cute baby couldn’t be more excited to celebrate Halloween with you

-and not to baby him even more but his idea for the costumes was to dress up as among us characters

-yes,,among us characters

-specifically black and pink

-can you guess who’s who?

-he went full shopping mode with you and dragged you through  the stores only to find the perfect match

-and you did ofc

-you came with the idea to throw a party and invite the rest of your friends

-he checked the list of things you needed to buy for Halloween

-and you teased him saying he stressed too much and we should have fun instead of worrying

-“but baby you know if we throw a party,we need to have enough drinks and food”

-puppy eyes: checked

-speaking in tiny: checked

-how could you say no lmao

-and after you bought everything necessary (and unnecessary),,

-you came home to decorate and to put your costumes on

-tried to kiss but you forgot you had the helmets on lmfao

-you both giggled like two kids

-he looked so cute when he put his science goggles on his head

-and you made sure to capture every single angle of his cuteness

-too many pics ,,

-too many

-you had a lot of fun especially that you organized a costume contest

-and you didn’t win because you were the hosts pfff..

-it’s not like everyone voted you for having the coolest couple costume

-kinda sus if you ask me

-n ee ways

-the party was a success and everyone had fun

-you ended up eating so many sweets  

-even tho tyong told you to slow down

-he took care of you and bathed you in kisses and cuddles after everyone left

-“you eat too many sweets every Halloween,,do you even learn?” says as he caresses your cheeks and gives you a long forehead kiss

-“but I can’t help myself,,too good and sweet”

-‘”you’re too good and sweet”

 Yuta

 -It was the morning of 31st October

-the only thing in your mind was the Halloween party at sm you and yuta were going to attend

-and ofc you didn’t want a lame costume,you wanted something cute

-but powerful

-and not to be a cliché but you asked yuta if he wanted to be dressed as anime characters

-man did he give you a look

-he chuckled lightly at your request but couldn’t say no

-“baby the fact that you’re Japanese makes it 1000x better”

-you cup his cheeks in between your hands and he laughs holding you on his lap

-after all he agrees and you go shopping for costumes

-as you thought,you didn’t want to be the basic anime characters so you chose a cute and powerful couple

-Kagome and inuyasha

-When you saw yuta wearing that long white hair-wig,your heart did a flip

-he smiled so large when he saw you wearing that pretty school uniform

-you made him take you in his arms immediately only to start smooching your face

-“baby my make up”

-you were pouting,but he was smirking coming closer to your ear

-“ I will make up for this later,promise”

- he said that biting your ear lobe softly

-oh boy you wanted to forget about the party only for yuta to “make up” for you but

-you could’ve handled that later that night

-you had a great time partying with the members and other idols at sm

-yuta held onto you the whole night feeling so proud to have such a gorgeous s/o only for himself

-but what you had planned after the party was much more exciting ;;)

 Doyoung

-This little sh

-that you loved to the moon and back 

-was a bit skeptic about partying for Halloween 

-for your sake tho,he prepared a horror movie marathon for both of you

 -he also suggested cooking something thematic 

-you actually caught him few days ago watching an instagram video of ‘how to make eyeball lollipops”

-You were like ???

-“I want to make these for Halloween because you don’t need to bake anything you know”

-“so we won’t burn the kitchen down? Ok!”

-you agreed faster than he thought

 -and that made him doubt his cooking skills for a bit but anyways 

-you too didn’t really have anything planned for a costume but you decided to surprise him

-with a bunny costume

-not an onesie,no

 -bunny ears and a bunny tail 

 -while he was concentrated on cooking,

-you showed up wearing a cute lingerie and that bunny costume on you 

-“ hey bunny,wanna snuggle?”

-you leaned on the door frame while trying not laugh

-in that moment he was tasting the jam

-but when he turned around and saw you LIKE THAT 

-he snorted and dropped the spoon full of raspberries 

-he was absolutely sure you wanted to give him a heart

-attack somehow

 -but he came to his senses and approached you with a smirk on his face

 -you couldn’t even think for a bit because in the next second he lifted you up to kiss you 

-“you made me drop the food and make a mess,,do you think I’ll let you go with that?”

-you blushed harder than you thought and suggested to help him clean up the mess 

-but he cut you off mid-sentence with a deepened kiss only to tell you with a low tone

-“those raspberries can wait,the bunny wants snuggles doesn’t it?”

-you tried so hard to keep your cool but who can blame you?? 

Jaehyun

 -Another Halloween enthusiast

-he couldn’t wait to dress up as Gomez and Morticia Addams

-you even helped him with the make-up,drawing a mustache on his face

-“haha very funny’’,

-he responds sarcastically every time you look at him and try not to laugh

-but damn the costume was pure gold

-you both looked amazing and he even managed to kiss your hand,up to your arm and neck

-just like Gomez kissed his wife every time he had the opportunity

-you both went trick or treating,along with johnny,mark and other members

-then came back to the dorms and ate so many candies

-jaehyun couldn’t help but stare at you every time he had the chance

-and you knew this costume was a perfect match because you could show him how sexy and elegant you were

-taeyong prepared some food for you all and you had few drinks

-told a lot of horror stories and felt like kids again but jaehyun was waiting to go home only to spend more time with you

-“ the food is too hot,I can’t eat it ::( ’’

-you complained while the others turned their heads to look at you especially taeyong who was about to apologize for the food being too hot

-jaehyun: ‘’you’re hot but I’d still eat-“

--he was cut off mid-sentence by taeyong who slammed his hand down on the table

-“ONE MEAL

-“ONE NORMAL FUCKING MEAL JAEHYUN”

-you all started laughing and looked at jaehyun only to see him grinning like a little bitch he is

-you knew how cheeky he can be so you got up and came closer to him to wrap your arms around his neck

-closer to his ear so you can whisper nonsense, that apparently got him happier that you intended

-he was one lucky guy for sure

-and the Halloween was once again one of his favorite holidays

 Jungwoo

 -Jungwoo wanted something cute this year

-he was very excited to show you what costumes he prepared for you both

- he kept saying it was a surprise and told you not to prepare anything cause he will handle it

- so while you were preparing the candies for the kids, he snuck up on you and covered your eyes

- you could’ve sworn you felt something fluffy covering your face

- you touched his arms and tried to feel it

- and realized he was wearing paws

- ???

- “babe what are you-“

- he cut you off and turned you around to face him

- he was wearing a big Snoopy costume,with a red bowtie as well

- you felt yourself dying of cuteness

- because now you had THE actual snoopy as your boyfriend

- a bit weird but CUTE ok cute

- “do you like it?? the red bowtie is part of the costume so we could match”

- you looked at him all smiles

- his eyes were sparkling just like a puppy’s :,(

- He grabbed your hand and took you to your bedroom to show your costume

- it was the same snoopy costume but you had a red ribbon on top of your head

- you were excited to try it on

- and when you showed him the costume, he gently approached you to kiss your forehead

- “aren’t we the cutest?”

- after that, he helped you give sweets to trick-or-treaters and so many kids were in awe when they saw you two

- you took pictures to send to his family

- and in the end, you two ended up falling asleep

- cuddling on the couch surrounded by the candies left because you weren’t very active this year

- but still had a great time

  Mark

 -This year mark wanted it different

-he didn’t only wanted to crave pumpkins or go trick or treating

-he needed a break from every exhausting activity because being and idol

-and well,,

-being mOrk

-he was tired and needed an escape from that solicitant lifestyle

-he surprised you one day with a small trip to an orchard outside of Seoul

-you were so excited because you knew the weather was going to be in your favor

-plus you knew mark was a nonconformist and he wanted to make the time spent w you very special

-like every time

-such a cutie oml pls-

-you two took the train till there,admiring the view from the empty cabin you were in

-he was holding you close and your hand all the time

- occasionally he kissed the top of it

-but you always turned to give him a quick peck on his sweet lips

-you liked to see him all giggly and shy,rubbing his hand behind his head

-when you arrived there,you were accompanied by a guide

-showing you around the orchard

-you were so excited while looking around,looking at the different colors of the apples

-mark grabbed two baskets and offered to help you pick few red and beautiful apples

-you were picking them and from time to time you felt mark’s gaze on your body and smiled

-while he was distracted, you snuck up behind him only to see him startle

-you giggled when he picked you up,spinning you around

-only to leave a sweet kiss on your nose and lips

-after the apple picking,you went to a café that was only few miles away from the orchard

-ate apples on the way because you were a bit tired and very hungry lol

-at this cute café,you two spent some time chatting and just staring at each other

-because you were both cute little hopeless romantics <333

 Haechan

 -Haechan was actually going to lazy around that day but nope

-you dragged him out of the bed

-telling him you want to crave pumpkins because otherwise

-you will bite his ass

-he gave you the most shocked look

-then managed to laugh

-“I wouldn’t mind,just bite the corner,,just a small bite”

-you rolled your eyes and puffed air from your nose pretending to get mad

-you walked out of the room and grabbed your coat and the car keys

-“yeah right then I’m going to buy the pumpkins myself”

-he came after you giggling and insisting it was a joke

-but you knew and were obvs trying not to smile

-he was a sucker for your pouty face so he loved pissing you off

-little cute shit

-you finally arrived at the local market and bought two big pumpkins

-so orange and tasty

-haechan took a tiny pumpkin and said he’s going to make it your child

-“haechan I’m not gonna shove a knife into our kid,don’t name it!”

-he knew if he names an object and something bad happens to it

-you get attached to it and get sad

-so in the end he didn’t name it but still got it home

-at home,you tried to look on pinterest for craving ideas

-and haechan laughed cause that was silly

-“cmon babe are you seriously looking that on the internet? Just do- *stabs the pumpkin in the middle and cuts out the lid* -this”

-he looks at you with a smile on his face and you just stand there

-bamboozled

-like “I’m really dating a gemini huh”

-you try to cut your pumpkin but the skin was too hard

-and managed to drop the knife out of your hands with a loud bump on the floor

-haechan literally jumped thinking you cut yourself but you were just standing there,,

-bbq sauce on your tidd-

-jk jk

-you were standing there looking at the guts spilled all over the floor

-you sighed but haechan gave you a hug

-“you clumsy baby,gotta be careful. Let me do it for you,,you just scoop what’s left from the inside”

-and you did as he said a bit disappointed that he took the hard work

-even tho you wanted to show him you don’t need help

-but he knew you were an independent person anyway

-that’s what he loved about you actually

-after you were done with cravings,it was the tiny pumpkin’s turn to be cut

-you and haechan just turned to look at each other and he saw you giving him a trembling bottom lip

-“we can’t cut it baaabeee…” you whined

-“okay then just ..let’s draw a cool face on it,no harm”

-you agreed because obvs you couldn’t cut the child you had with him pff

-you took the marker and drew a caricature of your bf on it

-before showing it to him,you covered his eyes and suggested him to sit on the couch for few moments

-he was wondering what you were doing

-after a while you led him,eyes still closed,to the fireplace where you placed the pumpkins

-he opened his eyes and saw the tiny pumpkin standing between the bigger ones

-“see,these two are us and the tiny one is the kid”

-he gave you a look,his eyebrows rised but then laughed

-he hugged you and gave you a small kiss

-he then looked at the bigger pumpkins and stated nodding

-“damn we’re kinda ugly ngl”

taglist: @peachyhan​  --(who wants to be in the tag list,lmk!!)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #457

“blue are the words i say and what i think  /  blue are the feelings that live inside of me”

Do you buy your lingerie at Victoria’s Secret? No. That shit is so overpriced and not for my size group. Would you ever use an online dating service? I never would again. Are you good at multitasking? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Have you ever eaten Frosted Mini Wheats? Ugh, those are so gross. What does your bikini look like? You think THIS bitch wears a bikini??????????????????????? Does age really matter in a relationship? To an extent, yes. How much does the last person you kissed mean to you? I honestly don't even know if I'd be here without her. Almost like magic, Sara popped back into my life right after I returned home from the hospital following my suicide attempt. She helped make recovery possible as a solid source of support. Do you use lotion? Not NEARLY enough. My skin is so dry; I need to. Do you believe in teenage love? I experienced it deeply and thoroughly, so yes. Have you ever sat on the roof of your house? No. Do you like Sublime? I like that one popular one of theirs. "Santaria" or whatever it's called? What’s your favorite movie genre? Paranormal horror, especially the "found footage" type. It's creepy to imagine it being actually real. Is there a celebrity that you’d be willing to have a one night stand with? If he was single? I know in my gut I would lmaooooo Do you want to live in your current town the rest of your life? OH MY GOD PLEASE NO If you found out today your best friend was gay what would you do? She's demisexual, so. She can like anybody. If you could get a pet for free today-what kind/what name? A tegu, because it wouldn't need an enclosure that I don't have. I'd let it free roam. God, I can only imagine Roman's reaction. How many people have you slept with? If you mean what I think you do by "slept," one. Do you ever wish you had a family business to become a part of? Not really. What’s the most gruesome way you could come up with to kill someone? Hunny, have you seen my dark RP????? The world best be glad I'm a pacifist lmfao Do you think anyone deserves to die that way? I don't believe in torture, so no. If you had to fight for survival, what would your weapon of choice be? A gun, I guess? I'd want something with range and that's quick. I wanted to say a bow and arrow, but preparing another arrow after shooting once could really cost you your life. Where did you buy your favorite pair of jeans? I don't wear jeans anymore. Do you have a large dog? We don't have a dog, period. If not, are you afraid of them? No, I love big 'ole puppos!!!!! I just don't wanna own a dog myself. Are you good at playing darts? Holy fuck no, I have NO hand-eye coordination. I once stabbed the guy at a balloon popping booth thing with a dart in the arm, if that tells you anything, ooooooooooof. Do you like breaded chicken sandwiches? YESSSSSSSSS omg Do your parents know that/if you smoke? They know that I don’t. Have you ever been under a blacklight? Omg so in elementary school, we did this thing once where we all washed our hands as best we could and then put them under some sort of light (maybe a blacklight, idk???) to see JUST how resilient germs are. You gotta scrub the fuck out ya hands, people. How many pounds do you want to lose? I'd rather not share a number, but a lot. What’s your favorite natural phenomenon? The Northern Lights. Do you snore? Very surprisingly for someone with sleep apnea like mine, I actually don't. How many people do you know with the same first name as you? Off the very top of my head, one, but it's spelled differently. I KNOW I know of a shitload more Brittanys, though. Is it possible you could be pregnant? Well, I haven't been intimate with a man in years and just finished my period, so like- Could you go a day without texting? I go most days without texting. Do you have a step-parent? My dad is remarried, so yes. If so, do you get along with them? She's EXTREMELY Christian, so her beliefs wildly disagree with mine, but I keep my mouth shut a lot just to keep the peace. She IS a very sweet woman, nevertheless, and am glad she and my dad are so happy together. Does your current/last job require that you wear a uniform? My last job (which lasted not even two hours lol) did. When will your driver’s license expire? My permit has been expired for like... two years. Do you live in an apartment? No. If the last person you kissed proposed to you what would you say? That's too wild a concept to even imagine. I'd probably ask if she was okay lmao. Would you ever get back with one of your exes? Weeeelp, I want to get back together with Girt. Pretty badly. Write a foreign word, and what it means: "Schadenfreude" is a German term that essentially means secondhand embarrassment, but it doesn't have a perfect translation. Is there an ex you think about everyday? Inevitably. That's PTSD, my friends. Who is the last person that you said I love you to, besides family members? Sara. What's the worst thing you have ever said to anyone? Something along the lines of "no one could ever love you like I do." It boils my blood just typing that; I considered even deleting this question. That quote right there is fucking manipulation, even IF I thoroughly believed it. Who was the last person to comment one of your pictures? I don't feel like looking. Do you tend to go for older or younger when looking for someone to date? It's weird, I'm into slightly older-than-me guys, but probably girls who are barely a bit younger than me. Have you ever been used? I don't think so. Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head? Like I've said in plenty of surveys: Jason is probably a permanent fixture. But also as of the past two days, Girt's been living up there. I went from "hmmm I just don't know how I feel" to "FUCK I want to talk to him about how stupidly into him I am right this fucking INSTANT" pretty goddamn fast. It kinda scares me just because of how extreme my feelings are. Again. That's only ever gotten me hurt. Buuuut let's not get into that. Have you ever got caught cheating on a test? No, because I've never tried to. Will your next kiss be a mistake? I hope it won't be. But it's not like I know the future. Have you ever worn an oxygen mask? Actually yes, when I was young and thought I was having an asthma attack or something. Mom had one for her own asthma. Then I obviously wore one for surgery. What song do you want to be played at your funeral? "Paradise" by Coldplay is absolutely #1. How many swear words are in the song you’re listening to? I'm not listening to music; I'm back to watching Gab play Sekiro. What color was the last swimsuit you wore? Black. Have you ever kissed anyone of the same sex, and if so, who? Yeah, just Sara. Who did you last tell to ‘shut up’? Ha, I think my WoW friend Lyndsey, but only playfully, of course. We pick fun at each other all the time. Would you ever get a tattoo of a boyfriend/girlfriend's name? NOOOOOOOOO. Are you one of those girls who already have baby names picked out? I know what I'd name my kids IF I actually wanted any, yeah, but I don't. Do you think guys with long hair are attractive? Yessss, I love long hair on guys. Are any of your siblings taller than you? I think Ashley is a liiiiil bit taller? I know my brother is, for sure. Have you ever scared someone so badly that they cried? Yikes, no. When was the last time you wore high heels? Boy oh boy, no idea. Is there someone that you want to hurt right now? Jeez, no thanks. What was the most interesting or colorful birthday cake you’ve had? I don't remember, but I'm sure something from childhood. What was the last thing someone bought you? Was it expensive? Mom bought me food from McD's, which obviously isn't expensive. Do you have any interesting moles anywhere you don’t want people to know of? No. Have you ever gotten high or drunk in a really formal place? Strong "no" there. Do you ever write poetry and post it on any certain websites? On the very rare occasion I write poetry and actually like it, I'll sometimes post it on dA. What do you miss most about your childhood? Actually, genuinely having fun and not dealing with fucking anhedonia. Would you like to know the precise date of your future death? Hell no. Do you photograph well? I'd like to hope so. Are there any animals you flat out refuse to touch? Maggots and similar bug larvae. What super power would you refuse, if it was offered to you, and why? Mind reading. It just sounds... awful and overwhelming. What’s your favorite discontinued product that you wish would come back? Oh, I KNOW I have answers to this, just none are coming to me immediately and I don't feel like sitting here for five minutes thinking about it. If adults had show and tell, what would you bring into work? My snek! :') If you had a reset button for the last 10 years, would you press it? Tempting, but... I don't think I would. I cannot go through how deep my depression was again. Who is someone you would never swear in front of? My nieces and nephew. Yes, I don't believe in profanity being a "thing" and is just a stupid human fabrication, but nevertheless I acknowledge societal standards and expectations, and they're way too young to get when you shouldn't say something like that and why. Have you ever won a contest or competition? A few. Who is your favorite TV character? I don't think I really have one? Do you coo over other people’s babies? Not really, no. Sometimes I'll think they're super cute and be like "awww," but I don't like... squeal and spaz like some people do. What is something that makes you very squeamish? VOMIT. Has there been a celebrity death that really affected you? Steve Irwin got me deeper than anyone else. Chester Bennington hit real hard, too. If you’re out of high school, have you stayed in touch with your high school friends? If you’re still in school, do you think you will? Most of my closest ones, yes, at least via Facebook. What’s a movie that you want to see? Old movie, but Jacob's Ladder. It was a massive influence on Silent Hill, so naturally, I'll probably love it. It's a classic, anyway. Do you use the same username everywhere online or do you have a lot? I use "Ozzkat" in most places, but I do have some other ones for different sites. Who was the last person you know who became pregnant? My friend Ana recently revealed she's expecting her second child, a boy. What fad were you actually into? I have zero clue. Have you ever tailgated? Would you want to? Fuck no. That's how so many wrecks happen. My sister legit got in a wreck with an 18-wheeler mostly because she was tailgating (which she does BADLY); she was trying to pass, and he moved over at the same time because he couldn't see her coming around. It's a borderline miracle she got out with only some cuts, bruises, and a seatbelt burn. Have patience, people. Get off cars' asses. Why did you fall for the last person romantically? Look, don't get me started on this. There are a shitload of reasons and I have been way too emotional over this the past few days laksdfja;lwke What’s the last thing you had to eat? A bagel w/ cream cheese for breakfast. Do you ever pick up your house phone? We don't have a landline phone. Truth be told, are you more into looks or personalities the most? Personalities, for sure. I cannot be into you if your personality isn't attractive.

[seunqs]

[ a long get to know me tag ]

tagged by: losers @woosohn @yeonjuins

what day is your birthday?

27th june! it’ll be on a monday next year

what’s your favourite colour?

blue! a rather specific shade of light sky blue but i also like dark blue! might be misleading because everyone would think beige/black since that’s the aesthetic i like + almost everything i own is black...

what’s your lucky number?

i don’t have one i think but i tend to say 7 if i’m asked?

do you have any pets?

sadly no >:( will get one in the future idc idc

how tall are you?

158cm tiny i wna be abit taller

how many pairs of shoes do you own?

off my head i think 3 pairs...? just 2 black and 1 white that i rotate depending on the outfit i’m wearing

favorite song?

asdjekw i don’t think i have one specific one but recently i’ve been listening to maniac by nct doyoung & haechan!

other honourable mentions: a book of love by ha hyunsang, wide eyed blind by saint raymond, irreplaceable by nct dream, lmly by jackson wang. that’s all i have off my head

favorite movie?

surprisingly i’m not big on movies... but i’ll always answer parent trap when someone asks! why do i sound like i always have prepared answers in my head for various questions... okay that’s bc i do.

what would be your ideal partner?

@june look away i already know you’re gna say this sounds a lot like someone..

shy... is the main characteristics lmao idky it’s not even like i’m outgoing but i tend to find myself liking shy-er boys over the outgoing ones! aaa those with very obvious leadership qualities and quietly cares and looks out for those around them :’) tsundere! i think shy may appear cold sometimes but i’m rly :’) when the shy ones become very affectionate in private or when you get to know them better :’) or shy with strangers but very goofy and silly with their closer social circle heh those that are more cat-like than dog-like, only approaches you when they’re comfy. okay also shy but willing to speak up when necessary! doesn’t let themselves get bullied for being quiet and also pls speak up for me i hate ordering food pls do it for me HAHAHHA also if they’re passionate about something they like/are good at! good listeners too heh doesn’t need to always have the best advice, just if they would sit with me silently and listen to me and give me a hug afterwards :’’’’’) i think i’m on the touchier side too so if they don’t dislike that it’ll be nice! OH someone who’s good at cooking too bc i hate cooking and the kitchen in general.. i’ll do the dishes though HAHAHAH ok that is all there is a certain idol in my head that is the embodiment of my ideal type and i hate him >:(

do you want children?

no... not so much bc i don’t find them cute or i can’t handle them but i think it’s a commitment that scares me! bringing up the child well with the right character and values ajksdbwkje i don’t know if i’m up to that HAHAHAH

have you gotten in trouble with the law?

nope @woosohn @yeonjuins pls be proud of my direct no why are the two of you......... 

bath or shower?

shower! i don’t know if i’ve actually taken a bath before... probably when i was younger HAHAH i think i’ll get bored in the bath and i much rather be relaxing in bed than in the tub

what color socks are you wearing?

barefoot at the moment! the socks i own are mostly solid colour socks / simple cartoon or animal patterns but all ankle socks that can’t be seen with my shoes

favorite type of music?

i listen to pop, r&b and indie! that’s about all and favourite depends on the mood!

how many pillows do you sleep with?

just 1! and a bolster too

what position do you sleep in?

either on my back with hand over my head lmao or turned to either sides while hugging my bolster and face buried into the bolster

what you don’t like when you’re sleeping?

when it’s too hot! canNOT sleep if the weather is too hot. also if i get woken up rudely, by screaming or someone smacking me awake LMAO just tell me nicely to get up and i’ll be out of bed in 10mins pls give me awhile my brain is turning on HAHAHA

what do you have for breakfast?

recently i haven’t woken up early enough for bfast or my family is just about to go out to buy lunch by the time i’m up hahaha but on the days that i’m alive for bfast, iced coffee and any pastry sitting in the fridge! my family is big on pastries like croissants and cakes like banana and carrot cakes! so one of those but the iced coffee is a constant in my first meal of the day

have you ever tried archery?

nope and idt i’ll be good at it tbh....

favorite fruit?

strawberries, apples, peaches! there are some seasonal favs where i rly like them for a period of time and then suddenly not anymore but these 3 are the constants

favorite swear word?

hahahaha i dont think i have a favourite one..... but i say tf a lot and mf for kpop boys who make me more flustered than they should

do you have any scars?

i don’t think so! i have a few stretch marks around my waist and tummy tho 

are you a good liar?

yes... HAHAH i used to get scolded so much for lying as a kid lmfao

what’s your personality type?

isfj-t has probably only dipped to isfp-t once but if not constant isfj!

what’s your favorite type of girl?

HAHAHAH uh.... okay with all kinds i think? except people in general who try too hard

innie or outie?

innie. was this question necessary tho AHHAHAHA

left or right-handed?

right-handed

favorite food?

ramen! but i like lots of food lmfao tiramisu, pork belly, lots of noodles, also lots of rice, beef, cakes, ice cream, i think i’m more salty > sweet!

favorite foreign food?

japanese ramen, korean cuisine!, lasagne

are you clean or messy?

clean

most used phrase?

i think alot of keyboard smashes, lmao, wtf, HAHAHAHHAHA, sigh, i’m tired LOL

how long does it take for you to get ready?

depends! fastest i think i can get out of the house 20mins after i’ve woken up. longest probably an hour where outfit is taking a while and accessories needs to be chosen

do you talk to yourself?

in my head yes.

do you sing to yourself?

not often but i sing out loud for the family to hear LOL in my head very often a song is playing up there

are you a good singer?

nop. i don’t think i’m a BAD singer but wouldn’t classify as good either HAHHAHA

biggest fear?

wow so many things but i think biggest is complete darkness, i need to see and know what is going on around me. i sleep with a night light on heh 

are you a gossip?

with closer friends yes def HAHAH my school culture tends to have lots of tea that my friends and i don’t like to get too involved in but we do talk about the gossips that goes around hahaha have also been in the center of gossip way too often

do you like long or short hair?

long! can’t imagine myself with short hair.. used to have reallllyyy long hair that goes beyond my waist and cried when i cut it to slightly below shoulder length. that’s the shortest i’ll ever go

favourite school subject?

wow nothing i don’t like school lmfao but humanities and language are way more bearable than math and sciences

extrovert or introvert?

introverted

what makes you nervous?

unpredictable situations, being alone in public (contradictory because in private i would strongly prefer to be alone but i don’t enjoy being alone in public i feel judged HAHAHA), also currently waiting on a reply for something and that’s been keeping me anxious the past 2 days :’)

who was your first real crush?

when i was 13/14, tablemate in school that was kinda shy and had very limited social circle but talked to me endlessly in class lmfao he apparently liked me too but we never dated and went to different schools at 16 y/o. we’re still kinda in touch though! we talked quite a fair bit last month just catching up but he’s more of an acquaintance now

how many piercings do you have?

2! just one normal lobe piercing on either ears, don’t think i’ll get anymore

how fast can you run?

back in school i used to be one of the fastest girls in my class LMFAO i could clock 12.5 minutes for a 2.4km run. stamina came from dancing since i had to run laps before dance class 2 times a week. but that is long in the past and now i get tired from climbing more than 4 flights of stairs pls spare me

what color is your hair?

naturally black but dyed brown! my hair has grown quite abit since i dyed it though now its black at the top and brown from above my ears onwards

what color are your eyes?

a very dark brown lmfao almost black

what makes you angry?

irresponsible people. just pushing responsibility to others or avoiding their responsibilities. don’t need you to do a good job with your responsibilities, just don’t make your issues my issues. and if its a shared responsibility like group projects, then do your part to contribute and don’t expect others to cover you

selfish people, in many ways. just being self-centred, not caring about how others feel, doing things for personal gain at the expense of others

speaking in a passive-aggressive/sarcastic manner. i say this even though i’m afraid of confrontation but i much rather someone outright tells me they’re unhappy about something or wants to get a point across. i hate when they talk about it sarcastically or tries to sugar-coat their words to make themselves look less aggressive about their words. tell me straight as it is, if you’re already gonna talk about something bad don’t piss me off with your attitude at the same time

do you like your own name?

rae is nice! has a very nice ring to it and looks pretty!

do you want a boy or a girl as a child?

i don’t.. want one.. but both have their good and bad i can’t decide.. i want a puppy

what are your strengths?

is this an interview question i have had a few interviews over the past weeks i am well-prepared for this HAHAHA

i think i’m pretty resilient! i bounce back from bad times pretty quickly or i psycho myself to see the situation positively. but it is ofc coupled with a lot of complaining to the people around me first

although i hate unpredictable situations and having to quickly adapt to new settings, i think i adapt pretty quickly too. flexible? easy-going? idk what’s the right way to call it but yeah something along those lines. good at it but i still enjoy my stability and calm don’t want to have to quickly adapt to new situations.

what are your weaknesses?

very emotional HAHAH used to be much worse but i often let my emotions rule my head. i think i’ve improved A LOT though i used to be so bad but i think i’m now able to make rational decisions even if im bawling LMFAO

this sounds like a compliment but i’ve been told this too often as well. i tend to be way too nice to people who don’t deserve it. even if the person doesn’t deserve it or they’ve pushed all my buttons in the wrong way possible, i would still try to be as nice and polite as i can. really helps with me working in the f&b industry lmfao.

what’s the colour of your bedspread?

dark blue / grey! 

colour(s) of your room?

white & wood (throughout my house actually + green from the plants in the living room) @yeonjuins says i live in a muji showroom

[purplesurveys]

1240

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets?  I can’t make any dish. I wonder when I’ll get my ass up and start learning...

Have you ever cut someone else’s hair?  I wouldn’t dare; I have no skills in that department at all.

Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for?  Angela and Hans came over so we can watch Sowoozoo. 

How many long term relationships have you been in?  One.

Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on?  My default is lights out, but sometimes I’ll fall asleep with my night lamp still on and that’s fine too.

Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done?  I don’t really do forgiving.

Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey?  No. I’ve tried listening to her songs but I find them too slow for my liking.

Do you know your blood type?  It’s O but I keep forgetting what specific type.

Do you know your mother’s birthday?  Yes.

Have you got your period at the moment?  It’s on its last few days.

Have you ever been pregnant?  Nopes.

How old were you when you first went on a plane?  I was around 10 or 11, can’t remember exactly. But it was in 2009 and we headed to Boracay.

Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything?  No. OMG, adult activity I don’t quite understand just yet hfdhfkdjfhdf.

Are both of your blood parents still in your life?  Yeah they’re both grumbling right now just outside of my room because the power went out lmfao.

When was the last time you went apple picking?  I’ve never done this. Apples don’t grow here.

Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say?  My pay for the last two weeks haha, but that’s not coming until Friday.

Have you ever been drunk at school or work?  No, I wouldn’t dare. I’m pretty unpredictable when I get drunk, so I’d rather stay safe haha. I’ve worked while tipsy, but it had been outside of work hours.

How many bedrooms are in your house?  4. One for each kid, then my parents’.

Are you smart about computers?  Nah.

Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii?  We didn’t have the game on our Wii, but I’ve played Just Dance before, just at other peoples’ houses.

Do you own a Xbox 360?  We were a Playstation household.

Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars?  Erm, sure, whatever.

So, do you need a nap?  I think I should be taking one for the sake of my health, but I won’t.

What would you rather be doing?  I stumbled upon a Facebook post of this newly-opened store in Greenhills that exclusively sells photocards and I wanna head the fuck over there rn with Angela. That store concept is practically unheard of so it’s a big deal and I wanna go there as I’m 100% sure the BTS ones would sell out pretty fast. But they heightened the stupid COVID protocols yet again and we have to stay at home, so there’s that.

What sport are you the best at?  Table tennis.

Do you have a little sister? What’s her name?  Yeah but she’s turning 21 this year, so little wouldn’t be accurate anymore. We call her Nina at home but everyone else calls her by her full first name, Janina.

Do you complain a lot?  I do complain a lot but I also do the thing that is causing the complaint right after so I can shut myself up lmao.

Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple?  Both sound fun but I’ll probably take the temple. Yay for learning something new about culture!!

Do you like fruity or minty gum?  I don’t mind flavor when it comes to gum because they fade out anyway.

Are you looking forward to any day of this month?  My company set another mental health break day this upcoming August 27th, so I’ll be thinking about that day throughout the month.

Have you ever gotten detention?  We don’t have detention.

Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life?  Sure.

Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? The latter. < Same. I can be brand-conscious sometimes, but generally if I find something cute, regardless from where I found it, I’d grab it.

Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently?  Technically yeah. It was a single album. 

Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet?  I already have two of them.

Ever cried so much you threw up?  Possibly.

Who is your best guy friend? Hans.

What do you two do when you hang out?  We usually eat out and have a drink or two.

What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving?  Spotlight, just because it looked boring at first glance. It turned out to be very riveting and the screenplay was fascinating as well.

Do you even like horror movies?  Yes, but they’re best watched with other people.

Do you live in the country?  Nopes.

What is your favorite accent?  I don’t have one.

Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like?  No.

Do you drink Pepsi or Coke?  I had the chance to try out Pepsi when we went to Taco Bell two weeks ago - it was my first time to have it and it was...actually pretty good??? The soda-hater in me was scandalized HAHAHA but it was good!!! I think I prefer Pepsi now.

What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday?  My 21st birthday started out terribly because Gabie’s family didn’t want her to hang out with me on a Sunday (the day my birthday fell on), so we were in an argument the whole day. Angela saved the day when she planned out an impromptu dinner + arcade date for me, and that was the only good part of the day, really. I’d rather forget the rest of it.

Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer?  I don’t think so.

Do you take a lot of pictures?  I’m starting to, now.

What kind of face wash do you use?  Good ol’ water.

Does drama always seem to follow you?  Not these days.

Does anybody in your family race?  Nope.

Are you closer to your mom or dad?  Dad, I guess. But I wouldn’t particularly call myself ‘close’ with either.

How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?”  I never received money from them.

How long do you want to live with your parents?  Maybe up until my mid-20s? Late-20s at the latest. I’m not exactly in the position to move out yet. The money I make at the moment would probably just be enough to cover rent, and just rent. I’d end up starving to death hahaha.

Do you have a laptop or desktop?  Laptop.

Do you like your parents?  Sure.

Do you secretly like someone?  I don’t.

Would you ever date your best male friend?  No. I also wouldn’t do that to Angela.

What are you currently listening to?  Moon by Jin! Such a comfort song.

Do you want to be single?  Yes.

Did you go out or stay in last night?  I stayed in and was knocked out pretty early since I had been up since 1 AM.

Have you pretended to like someone?  No. I don’t see why I would have to that.

How is your heart lately?  Just filled with nothing but Bangtan at this point haha. It’s doing well!

Are you wearing socks?  No. Socks bother me for the most part; they make my feet feel a bit suffocated.

What do people call you?  Robyn.

Do you get stressed out easily?  Yeah, I’m quite the overthinker.

Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance?  No, I’ve never actually been inside an ambulance, whether it came for me or for another person.

What is wrong with you right now?  I should probably cut back on the vaping, for one.

Do you own something from Hot Topic?  No.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?  It’s hard for me to sleep with someone else. Even when I had been in a relationship, I usually only got to fall asleep an hour or so after my partner already dozed off.

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with?  No, I cut ties at the start of the year and have been substantially better since then.

Have you ever seen your best friend cry?  I honestly don’t think so. I’m the bigger crybaby between us.

Did you get any compliments today?  My mom thanked me for covering for Cooper’s shots today since they ended up being quite costly.

Have you ever gone to a beach?  Yes, it’s one of my absolute favorite places to be.

What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now?  Pass up on the offer.

Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?  Yes.

Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to?  I’ve never had the ample time to, so no. I’ve always wanted to volunteer at an animal shelter, though.

Do you have long nails?  They’re not dramatically long, but they have started to grow out.

Do you like the gender you are? I don't like or dislike it, honestly. I'm just neutral. < Same.

Do you generally look nice in photos?  I think this is the case these days, yeah. I’ve started feeling more confident and I think it’s able to translate in photos.

Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet?  No.

What colour are your father’s eyes?  Dark brown.

If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer?  BTS DUH

Name three facts about your family?  I come from a family of lawyers; many of us are big history buffs; and many are also fantastic cooks so I don’t know where that talent could have possibly gone when it come to my generation hah.

Would you ever get into a long distance relationship?  If I’ve reached a certain level of investment in the relationship, I could probably handle it. 

What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received?  A Punk shirt and Petals For Armor physical CD from Andi this last Christmas.

What’s your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. < Yessssss!

Did you ever play an instrument? If so what?  I don’t.

Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents?  Carving pumpkins sounds fun, especially since I haven’t tried it before.

Do you think you’re important?  Idk. I don’t really like drawing attention to myself though, so that could probably answer your question.

What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?  Andi wrote a letter for me to accompany the aforementioned Christmas gifts they gave, and it remains to be my favorite letter I’ve received. They essentially reminded and affirmed me that I’m stronger than I think I am, and that I’ve been through a lot and have grown a lot, and that that growth is seen by people around me.

Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders?  No.

Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new?  Just to different cities, but considering how tiny my country is, the move is quite insignificant lol.

Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks?  I’m 100% sure I don’t know how to properly hold chopsticks, but I have my own way and it works lol. Fake it til you make it.

Are you more of a leader or a follower? Definitely a follower, but I can step up in certain situations. < Same. I don’t mind leading, especially considering the control freak I can be lolol.

What was the first thing you ate today?  I haven’t eaten anything today. I skipped breakfast since I brought Cooper to the vet, and by the time I got back the dining table had already been cleared. It’s fine though, I don’t feel too hungry.

If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like?  I’d be with Angela, Reena, and Hans at that insane new photocard store I talked about earlier. IDEALLY, we’d probably pick up a photocard or two if the ones we want aren’t sold out yet (lol a rarity), then we’d have some nachos and stuff right after and just talk about all things Bangtan lol with Hans cracking us up the whole time since he is just naturally hilarious.

If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out?  Content. Happy. I feel warm and loved and surrounded by the best people.

What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do?  Learning how to cook is one.

Is there anything that you wish you could take back?  Not really.

What, in your mind, could make you truly happy?  Being in the purple ocean with my best friends.

If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference?  A part of me wishes my final face-to-face conversation with Gabie had been a more solid closure, just so we could finally put a hard stop to that chapter. But at that time I thought we would continue talking, so there had still been some stuff lingering in the air when we called it a day and parted ways. So in a sense we never really got closure when I finally cut ties, which the ESTJ in me remains to be nagged by, but I try not to be bothered by it anymore considering how much better I am doing right now. We didn’t know the future at the time, so it’s okay the way things turned out, ultimately.

When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it?  I have no clue. It’s not really a priority.

Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow?  I’m fast.

Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’  Nah.

How many drugs are in your system?  Just caffeine.

What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? Werkwerkwerkwerk.

Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body?  Nopes.

Do you call anyone baby?  I don’t.

What’s your current mood?  I’m prety neutral. I wish I could be out right now, but stupid Covid and stupid quarantine. But I don’t really mind staying at home, either, so. I’m just so-so.

Do you think you are a good person?  I hope so.

What were you doing before filling out this survey?  I watched Sunday mass with my family.

How late did you stay up last night?  Around midnight.

When was the last time you cried really hard?  I cried just a few days ago because period hormones, but the last time I cried hard? I’m not sure. April maybe?

Is your hair longer than your shoulders?  LOL yes it’s soooooooo long already.