#it’s my blog and i’ll cry if i want to!!! 😡😡😡

[blackmoldmp3]

truly the past couple of days have been Oh Yeah You Had Covid moments for me

[mountttmase]

No one had better be giving you trouble because I will have words your such a talented writer and an absolute sweetheart aswell so if I found out someone’s said something hurtful towards you or anyone I will snap their wifi cable

I’m so glad i found your blog which is one of my favourite places here WHEN TUMBLR DECIDES TO TELL ME YOUVE posted bc recently my tumblr isn’t notifying me at all despite me having all your notifications turned on 😡

Okay the fact you have my notifications on makes me want to CRY that’s the sweetest thing 😭

And no one’s being mean to me I promise 😂 a lot of stuff is just getting me down lately and this used to be my escape but it doesnt feel as fun anymore 😂 I’ll be okay just need some time I think. Sometimes I forget I’ve been posting weekly since Christmas and I need a breather 💙

[slytherinshua]

Sorry I meant to reply to your last message (I have a terrible habit of being social and then go radio silent for like a week after ahaha). I listened to a few of Hyunsang's songs and oh my goodness, genuinely is he ok?? They were really good and I loved them, but all the ones I heard were so sad?? Does he need a hug?? Who do I have to beat up?

Your post about people is so true though, it's honestly so hard to make friendships (or even just be nice to some people tbh). Sometimes you just don't vibe with a person, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I mean irl, there is someone in my friend group who I just don't vibe with at all, but all of my friends really like him and enjoy hanging out w him. It is quite hard sometimes to be friendly ahaha (it does make me feel like a horrible person tbh, but what can you do? But I think the whole thing of how he got into our friend group is a bit strange. Without context it sounds bad, but I promise it is genuinely kinda weird lol). But definitely if you ever find that our convo is too dry or weird, don't hesitate to tell me!! I think sometimes you have to prioritise your comfort and if the other person is willing to change, then that's probably a good sign!

I hope you are doing well! (I watched another clip from a Lucy concert and got jealous of you again 😡)

lol don’t worry at all!! LMAO STOP IJBOL 😭😭😭 it’s so true whenever i listen to hyunsang im like WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS BOY?? imagine debuting with an ep titled “my poor lonely heart” AND EXPECTING PPL TO THINK UR FINE DIDJKS 😭😭 and if you watch any live performances or his covers HIS EYES LOOK SO SAD WHILE HE SINGS LIKE HE COULD CRY AT ANY MOMENT ☹️☹️☹️ so literally when he smiles I melt so much cause I’m not used to it anyway he’s so cute and I love him and his emo music and pretty voice 🥹🥹

yeah I feel it a lot lately cause I always want to be nice to everyone especially if they talk to me on my blog but if we don’t click after a bit of talking I feel awkward 😭😭😭 and they’ll keep messaging me and then idk what to do cause the conversations are literally like “hi hru” “I’m good wbu” AND THATS IT 💀💀💀 damn that must suck I’m sorry that’s a thing 😭😭 it’s even harder when it’s a friend group situation cause you can’t just stop talking to one person if they still have connections to all your other friends and you also can’t bring it up with your other friends cause they won’t see the problem :( but don’t worry our convos have been anything but dry since you first sent me an ask 🥹🥹 I love talking abt lucy or anything else with you I could do it all day lmao

I’m doing pretty good!! I have my first piano lesson in like 2 days.. I’m really nervous for it because it’s my first one in over a year since I took a break and it’s with a new teacher. I had lessons with her for a bit in 2020 but they were mostly over zoom because of covid. these ones are in person and I haven’t had in person lessons since 2019 🧍‍♀️ I also haven’t practiced piano since last year when I was taking lessons and even then I feel like I didn’t practice at all between lessons cause I was losing motivation.. so realistically I probably haven’t practiced properly and consistently for 2 years fml 😭😭 but hopefully everything will go well. I’m hoping I’ll like this teacher again I don’t really remember having an opinion on her when I had her 4 years ago, but I remember switching back to my old piano teacher who had moved to England since I was doing online lessons anyway. I’ve had her for around 6 years total so I’m very comfortable with her she’s basically made me the pianist I am today lol. but I think in person lessons would be beneficial which is why I’m trying this out instead.

I have nothing to help you about the jealousy but I did get the group photo back recently (kinda sad they didn’t give us 2 cause we did take 2 and I was so nervous when the first pic was taken that I didn’t have a pose and sangyeop was telling me that he was gonna do a flower pose and I didn’t know wtf a flower pose was until a day later when it clicked in my head LKSJSKS) but I am the one w the pink heart and yes I was RIGHT next to sangyeop and wonsang aka my bias and wrecker skdjsksk how did I survive

[kexing]

“letting everything and everyone get to me to the point where my anxiety caused me to get physically sick” YES! like the other day it caused me to literally cry (i was also already sensitive bc that day i had an appointment with my therapist) and its so frustrating bc i feel dumb? like rationally i think, why do i let these things affect me so much? but i can’t seem to stop and it frustrates me bc i know better, truly!

thank you so much for answering!! you HAVE helped me, knowing i am not alone in feeling this way helps a lot and your advice is great, i am gonna try, i have to.

thank you again, really ❤️

drop the names of the twitter accounts that made you cry, i’m gonna fist fight them myself!!!! 😡😡😡

every time i talk to my therapist i feel extremely vulnerable so i tend to not do much else during that day and not have too many news flooding my phone, or else i know i’ll end up an emotional mess. so please be careful!

you’re NOT dumb!!! you just care a lot about certain things and we can’t really control our emotions most of the time. especially if we keep internalizing them, they always end up exploding one way or another and it’s Bad when things get physical.

and then again, some people are REALLY harmful online, some don’t even know just how harmful, others do it for fun and it’s beyond me! i can’t imagine what’s it like to want other people to suffer and ruin their entire fandom experience! i truly believe we all should strive to make our online environments safe places. and while this blog isn’t a perfect example of healthiness, i still do my best to help anyone who needs and make them feel safe.

it was no trouble answering you! and you’re Definitely not alone! if you’ve been on my blog for a day then you know fiction means a lot to me and i’m someone who feels a lot all the time, therefore i’ve had bad experiences with fandoms in the past, the whole toxic cycle and the struggles are Very familiar to me so i’ve learned to filter most things and have good people to talk to.

and yes, if it’s like that already, physically harming you and you think there’s no way to stop it, the best option is creating a safe space. blocking, filtering, don’t feel bad about it, prioritize your mental health ALWAYS!!! this took me a while to understand but has helped me A LOT.

good luck friend!! if you need me, i’m here!! ❤️💙