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#it’s not that i yearn for lord summerisle it’s that i am lord summerisle and i am half half sick of shadows
afieldinengland · 2 years
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#the trouble of course with me is it’s not as simple as a younger man yearning for an elder. i myself am about eighty five on the inside#and i’ve been wounded by love and i’m old and i’m tired. dorian and basil are raging inside me#was talking to my flatmate last night and i told him my first time happened when my ex and i were both fourteen. and for some reason he was#lightly remonstrative. i didn’t get into the particulars i.e. whether i said yes because there were also times after that#but i’m old now. i smashed my knee up yesterday and it’s the most awful bruise#i don’t want to be a narcissus. not really. i was— and then i was plucked and drowned and i learned my lesson#that’s not exactly true. the thought does enchant me i just don’t think i’m worth it anymore#hardly a boy-god. but to come back to my original point— and you really must bear with me—#it’s not a youth yearning for an old man in that old vaguely seedy kind of way. not exactly#it’s a very tired soul in a very new body wanting to talk to another soul who gets it. that’s all#it’s not that i yearn for lord summerisle it’s that i am lord summerisle and i am half half sick of shadows#maybe it’s more like alan strang and dysart. be jealous of my gods but match me in my madness. please. please. we can eat each other’s faces#off we could run away to greece just you and me. and then we kiss#maybe i just want to be equals. it’s all so inane when you think about it#boyfriend application: 1) do you promise you won’t mistreat me 2) really#it’s all a lie i want you to know that
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