#it’s overshare o’clock somewhere

[thatswhatsushesaid]

i cannot overstate my father’s borderline saintly forbearance regarding my mother’s outrageous fuckery

because when he found out that my mother had literally lied to him about having terminal cancer for the sole purpose of tricking him into marrying her, this was not enough to make him leave her. they stayed married for nine years.

i wish i knew what the final straw was, honestly, because her starting gambit was already so bold. even all the other fabrications i found out about years later don’t quite stick that particular landing. was it when she claimed she was a michael stipe groupie? no, she was a keith richards groupie. no, she used to pall around with the talking heads. no it was michael stipe—

anyway this is why i don’t even bother asking my mother about any hereditary issues that i might have inherited from her side of the family, who knows what unhinged and entirely fictitious nonsense she will trot out.